IWEIGH-065-20210629-BobTheDragQueen-ACv02-DYN.mp3

Jameela 

Hello and welcome to another episode of I Weigh with Jameela Jamil. I hope you’re well and if you aren’t well, you’re about to be fucking well because I’ve got a great guest on today’s podcast. If you are a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, then you are in for a motherfucking treat because today’s guest is Bob the Drag Queen, a winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, as well as just one of the funniest, most inspiring, interesting and charismatic people on the whole of the Internet, maybe in the whole of the world. I was able to discuss so many different things with Bob. We discussed his unique childhood where his mother owned a drag bar and would take him there and get him to work there when she couldn’t find a babysitter. We we had an in-depth discussion about his experience in a polyamorous relationship in such an unstigmatized open, informative, loving way. We discussed his activism in the black trans community and how we can be better allies. And unexpectedly, we spent far too long discussing my hair. I think Bob didn’t like my hair very much. I think maybe Bob doesn’t like my hair very much. And we spent ages talking about my fringe. He was very, very sweet and charming and kept on insisting that he did. I felt like there was shade. I would like to know what you think at the end of this episode. You can you can DM me about it. But it was so funny and I didn’t think it was going to come up and I really enjoyed the interaction. And I think you will too it was so stupid. But I love Bob. Bob is fucking great. Bob is so smart. We should all be more like Bob. Enjoy this episode. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say. This is Bob the Drag Queen.

Jameela

Bloody hell, I’ve picked I’ve picked everyone, I’ve only got Bob the Drag Queen on my podcast. Hello, Bob, how are you?

Bob

I’m great. How are you today?

Jameela

I’m good. I’m such a big fan of yours. I can’t believe you’re here.

Bob

Well, same I’m a really big fan of yours. You know, I’m quite familiar with a lot of your work and particularly Legendary. I’m a huge fan of the show.

Jameela

Thank you. Thank you. It’s one of my favorite parts of my life that show. And I’ve I’ve just learned so much while being there about so many different parts of the ballroom community that I may never have been privy to otherwise. And so I love that show.

Bob

That’s really exciting.

Jameela

I have so many things I want to talk to you about because you’ve lived such an interesting life. But I think I want to start fairly traditionally with your childhood. Would you talk to me about what that was like growing up in I believe it was Georgia you grew up in and you you grew up with a mother who I believe was out at the time as queer and she ran a drag bar, is that correct? Like a drag a drag club.

Bob

Yeah. So it was called Sensation. So my mom’s like my mom’s a queer lady, but also has an interesting relationship with queerness and religion. And she’s also one of my best friends who I talk to almost every single day. And my mom used to own a queer bar in Columbus, Georgia, with a group of lesbians called Sensations and and I. I had worked the club before but never inside. So I never saw Queens in the club. I one time my mom couldn’t get a babysitter, so I collected money at the door like outside the door of the. But also I was kind of like a large kid and I was kind of sitting in the dark and all you saw was like my hand, you know, reaching out to take money at this club when my mom couldn’t get away was probably illegal. But I think that the statute of limitations has worn off. And if she can’t be caught now,

Jameela

OK, good. Um one of my favorite things that, you know, we discussed and I’ve also learned from researching you intensely is the fact that, you know, when I first read about your mother’s drag club, I was like, oh, well, that’s that’s where they decided to become a drag queen. But I was, in fact, wrong because it wasn’t until, like 2009, which is a fair bit later, that you found it on your own. So do you feel like you had quite, quite an accepting upbringing, not just within your own household, but generally?

Bob

No, I certainly faced discrimination. I mean, you know, it’s really interesting how when you’re queer growing up, everyone knows you’re queer before you found the words for yourself. And they will tell you like everyone around you is like gay anyway. Like you don’t have you don’t have a moment to reckon with it within yourself because the folks around you will tell you and I went to schools in inner city in Atlanta in Atlanta, and it was I mean, not inner city. So, OK, so Atlanta’s interesting because Atlanta is made up of almost all suburbs. And I’m from I’m from Clayton County, which is not one of the nicer suburbs, let’s put it that way. Even though it’s not technically in the city of Atlanta, it is what someone would consider an inner city school because it’s black people and going to an all black like high school, it was not like particularly easy being queer. And I wasn’t even out

Jameela

was with there because I know your mother had a kind of delicate relationship with her own sexuality. I think I read somewhere that that she had she had felt at one point that perhaps queerness didn’t agree with her religion

Bob

Religion. Yeah.

Jameela

And so I wondered if that’s what impacted the fact that you weren’t out or you just didn’t know.

Bob

No, because even though my mom got really religious at one point, she was my mom was never a condemning type of Christian. My mom was I mean, my mom took me to my first pride parade. I like my mom. My mom took me and my mom comes to all my drag shows. I think it was just about my mom, her own path with herself. And I think that I came out, I guess, young for me. I mean, I know that a lot of the kids these days, I felt like an old fogy kids these days, you know, come out really young. And for me, coming out when I was I came out right after I graduated high school, like literally the day of my graduation. After the graduation, I came out to my mom when I was like 17 or 18.

Jameela

Wow. Yeah, I know what you mean. That feels like. But I just want to clarify. Sorry, regarding your mom. So so she was openly out and then had told you that she was no longer she’d kind of like renounced her

Bob

She didn’t really renounce it to me. She just like started dating guys. Like she didn’t sit me down.

Jameela

So did you ever have that conversation and just be like, what’s going on now? Like how did you learn about the how did you learn about her relationship with her sexuality to do with lot to do with her spirituality, with her religion.

Bob

So I never actually gone deep into this is an exclusive. So my mom was dating guys when I was younger and then she came out to me and my brother as as gay when I was, I think, like in maybe fifth grade. So from fifth until like tenth grade, my mom was a lesbian. So she’s definitely identified as gay. And then she just started dating a guy like all of a sudden, like, she this this guy showed up. I was like, oh, my God, you’re dating a guy. And then she just mentioned that she didn’t feel she felt that her salvation was important. And now I know my mom doesn’t date anymore at all. You know, she always said they should have time to date because she’s raising her grandkids and she’s very busy with all that. And my mother is I mean, she’s not my mom, pretty young. My mom should be fifty nine in October. So she now she’s just kind of like whatever like I and I think that because I grew up with a mom who is so rigid in with these terms, I was able to find that with myself, too.

Jameela

Mm hmm. And so at 17, did you come out as gay? Because I know that currently, like now you identify as pansexual.

Bob

Yeah.

Jameela

How did you how did you identify back then?

Bob

I told my mom that I was bi, and at the time that felt true at me. And then I came out later as gay. And at the time that felt true. And and now I identify as pansexual. And, you know, in this moment, that also feels true to me. I’ve definitely done I’ve definitely had a full, you know, journey and with my with my queer identity.

Jameela

And what was your experience like coming out as in like how was that received? What did it feel like afterwards?

Bob

I mean, my mom was very open about it and she didn’t feel strange and she didn’t make me feel strange. She just told me that she loved me and my mom was a great mom. And she she really nails that every single time. I mean, you came up pretty as a queer, pretty late.

Jameela

Well, I mean, I came out publicly very late. I came out privately earlier than that. But publicly I hadn’t come out because I thought everyone was going to think all this time because, you know, I’ve been involved in advocacy for such a long time, and especially because the way I got presented to media in the way I get centered in every fucking story, I had never told anyone about my sexuality because it felt like so many people were coming out. And and I didn’t want to be accused of jumping on a trend and know how painful it would be to be accused of that, knowing how painful coming from a South Asian background being queer was. And so I’d always avoided just the gaslighting that I feared would happen. That happened way worse in the end than I thought it was, because then when I finally came out, everyone was like, liar. And so it was just I know. I mean, I survived it. It was very painful when.

Bob

I can imagine the world. That sounds horrible.

Jameela

Yeah. And it was truly like it felt like the whole world did it when I wrote that little note and took all my words as far as like it just out of context as possible. It was just so it was a very yeah. It was a very odd time. So I did not personally have a great safe environment to do that. But privately, I was I was out years before that.

Bob

Do you feel that’s the thing that happens a lot in like in South Asian culture, or is it or is it the celebrity culture? Kind of like Lilly Singh came out as queer as well. And I mean and Lilly are like friends, not close close friends. I’ve done her show and we cross in passing a lot. But do you feel like it was like a celebrity thing or I mean also because our intersectionality is so woven that they cannot be undone. It’s that you can never say it’s because of my blackness or because of my celebrity or because of my being. So I think it’s like it’s it’s all a factor.

Jameela

But what is what are you asking is is to do with my.

Bob

Like I’m wondering if you’re like you having a hard experience with that. Was it like tied to being South Asian or being famous or is it just that it’s all woven together?

Jameela

No, it’s all woven together. I think mostly it’s the fact that I’m I don’t know. I think I think it’s partially celebrity and and the fact that so many people do falsely capitalize off of queer culture. You know, when we talk about it, every pride, the way that companies jump on and suddenly stick a rainbow in their sandwich, you know. And so I do think that I understand where that suspicion comes from. But then there is an extra level of suspicion and there’s always an extra extra suspicion of women, in particular women of color. But I don’t know if it’s down to being South Asian. I know that it felt hard for me because I was South Asian and I don’t have any openly out members in my entire family. And, you know, South Asian families are fucking huge.

Bob

Yeah, I’ve heard

Jameela

They are huge. I have like a hundred cousins and so and many, many uncles, like, my dad is one of nine to not have any one in my family or in like our neighborhood or anyone that we know to be out for the first like twenty years of my life made me feel like, I really, really don’t want to be the first.

Bob

Wow. Are you also I mean, are you are you I mean, I’m assuming you’re also the most famous person in your family too.

Jameela

Um, yeah, yeah. I probably I’m the only one who’s got a public career. I guess that’s how I put it. So yeah, it was all it was a fucking cluster fuck Bob, if I’m honest. But it’s all right. I’m now I’m glad it’s out there so I can just breathe and get on with it. And and also I think what was great about all of that last year is that now I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks or believes or whether anyone likes me or understands me. Now that I’ve gone through the fire, I’ve come out immensely free and now I’m just like, yeah, I think I’m lying, that’s fine. I don’t I don’t know you. You don’t know me. You’re like, I can’t change your mind that I’m definitely not going to waste energy trying to.

Bob

Yeah. There’s a thing that you know, that people really want women to prove they’re queer, it’s really strange. Like like if you’re not if you’re not like a raw dogging a woman on stage at the Pride Parade, they’re like, you’re not queer, prove it. And then. Yeah. Is that it is. That is a very interesting moment. Did you see I don’t even know what it meant and I don’t want to read too much into it, but I don’t know if you saw that last night at the BET Awards, Queen Latifah received the Lifetime Achievement Award. And at the very end of the end of her speech, she just she said happy pride. And that was so huge for me to see. And I don’t think that was that was her either confirming or denying queerness, but I know that she she said happy pride. And I was like, this is amazing. It meant so much to me

Jameela

100 percent. And and regardless of whether or not she was announcing anything to do with her sexuality, I know that you’ve spoken about this before, about wanting more cis black celebrities, in particular the men, you know, the Jay Z’s of this world, etc., like to to speak out for trans lives and for queer lives, because it’s one thing having members of the LGBTQ plus community continuously saying we deserve our equal rights. But it would be such an immense shift in our culture to have cis allies actually be allies and actually show up so that they can see that the young black members of the LGBTQ plus community are important and deserve to be protected.

Bob

Yeah, and I, I watch way too much TikTok. Let me just start by saying I’m on TikTok way too much and because I’m always on TikTok like I see a lot of discourse surrounding these things. And that’s why I’m definitely interested in engaging cis, especially straight people. And I am interested in having with white people because that’s my community standing up and saying that Black Trans Lives Matter. So yeah, I’m definitely and I want to give a shout out to Dwayne Wade for standing up for his daughter. But also I want to tell people like, you know, a black trans woman shouldn’t have to be your daughter for you, for her, for you, for speaking up. You know, I mean?

Jameela

A hundred percent. And I feel as though that’s the the discourse that has now emerged in the last year. I love all of your work in this area, in particular raising awareness around black trans lives, something that I want to come back to, in particular at the end of this podcast, so we can we can figure out how how my community can continue to support your work.

Bob

I want to raise awareness about two things before we get too far. I want to raise awareness about a problem I have. And I am I’m going to I’m going to call it out.

Jameela

Do it.

Bob

I don’t know who is taking the photos of the judges on Legendary. I don’t know who that person is, but I feel like it is a deep sea undercover conservative trying to ruin the queer agenda because those pictures are homophobic, they are trans phobic, they are black phobic, they are brown phobic. I don’t know if it’s on a cell phone. I don’t know if it’s on a BlackBerry or if it’s taken on a fucking potato. But and they get posted and I’m like these pictures, who is doing this? I want to get to the bottom of it.

Jameela

I’m glad. I’m glad someone said it. You should have seen the ones from season one. Like they felt like the season one photo is felt like violence. They felt like an attack. It’s like, what do we do to you?

Bob

In the last thing, I want to correct one of my wrongs because I, I did not know this. I, I misspoke about you several times on my podcast and I did not realize that someone corrected me. I thought that you were wearing a wig the whole time.

Jameela

Oh, well, that’s fine. That’s fine.

Bob

I was like I was like, Jameela always wears this wig. I was like, why

Jameela

everyone thinks this is a wig, everyone. I don’t know what to do about it. It just my hair just looks it just looks like it just looks like a wig. It’s always looked like a wig. I accept it. It doesn’t matter what style I wear it in, it’s just always going to look like a fucking wig. And I love it. And I hope people think it is at least an expensive wig.

Bob

No, it looks very expensive, I think is because of how thick and rich and healthy your hair is. I mean, obviously, I have no, I’m bald I can.

Jameela

But that can’t be the only reason you thought it was a wig. There’s something wrong with my hairstyle.

Bob

No it’s not wrong. I think it’s because I think it’s because it’s how much hair. I mean, maybe there is something added in. I don’t even know. I don’t know if there is no

Jameela

I don’t have anything added in. I just have I’m just Indian.

Bob

You just have so much there’s just so much hair. As someone who cannot grow hair, I’m baffled at the amount of hair you are capable of growing out of the top of your head. This is wild.

Jameela

Wait till you see my chest.

Bob

So I could be like a Jameela needs to take her wig off. And then. And then I just saw you rub your hands, your hair, and someone on line was like, oh my God, Jameela. And I saw a picture of you without your bangs and I didn’t even recognize you. I was like, I didn’t even recognize her.

Jameela

I know. Well, that picture got circulated. I just posted a picture of me with my my hair full back of my because I had, like, wig glue in my head because I was wearing a wig for a different show that I’m doing. And that photograph got so heavily circulated that it blew my mind. Like I didn’t think it was a big deal. People have been asking me what’s under my bangs for years, and I’ve obviously been telling them it’s a clitoris. And I’ve been trying to spread that rumor for about 12 years. It’s a it’s a big old clit. But but then I you know, I came out again. It was my second coming out. And everyone forwarded it to like Monet X Change like like all like a different different like famous drag queens or like ballroom icons who had apparently been complaining about my bangs for two seasons of Legendary. So.

Bob

I was blown away. I got tagged to do everyone kept being like, oh my God, look at Jameela’s forehead. And I was like, oh, my God I didn’t even

Jameela

why does anyone care?

Bob

recognize you. I don’t. It’s because you know what it’s like when Billy Eilish did that new look, because she had that one look for so long when she did something different was like it’s kind of like when Ariana Grande put down the ponytail for the Rain On Me video because we had seen her in a pony tail for everything she’s ever done, she’s in this pony tail.

Jameela

It was an era, an era of migraine.

Bob

Yeah. Yeah. And then all of a sudden in Rain On Me, her and Lady Gaga switch spots and Gaga had the ponytail and Ariana Grande hair was down and everyone was like, my brain can’t even compute. I mean, you look really good with this haircut by the way. I mean,

Jameela

that that’s very kind. Where I’m at with my hair and we’re not here to talk about this at all, but I’ll just leave it on this, which is that it’s kind of like a stance that I’ve taken in just having this haircut that takes me no time at all to do anything. Like I just don’t have to fuss I don’t have to do anything. I get out of the shower and I go, it’s like my kind of way of saying that I think it is fucking bullshit that women in particular are expected to change up our looks constantly. It’s like for who? Why? If it works, don’t fix it. No one’s stressing out George fucking Clooney about his fucking head hasn’t changed in 40 fucking years.

Bob

Or Carrot Top.

Jameela

Yeah, or like. Yeah, exactly. And like Ted Danson’s had the same haircut, so I’m just like, fuck off man. I’m going to Anna Wintour this shit like this haircut to the end to the death. So wig or no wig, everyone’s got to get used to it. But that’s my that’s my kind of thing. That’s my way of handling it.

Bob

So it looks really good on you. I think that you look phenomenal. And and you you blew me away, that forehead thing really broke the Internet.

Jameela

Hahaha that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.

Bob

You should you should you should have put it behind a pay. Oh, my God. You would have made OK, this is your next charity move. Your.

Jameela

Only Fans.

Bob

Only Fans, but it’s just your forehead. You just like like your Only Fans. You’re like playing sexy music and you just like slowly raise your bangs while like while like stripteasing, but it just your forehead.

Jameela

That would only work if I did actually have a clitoris there, then it would raise I could raise money for charity. OK, so I want to talk a little bit about how you got to where you are now. OK, so we you know, we’ve covered a little bit of your childhood and your relationship with your mother, who sounds incredible, by the way. And and and then your decision to move to New York straight after college with five hundred dollars in your bank account to pursue a career in entertainment. How did you just get into drag? Like what was that moment of deciding this is what I’m going to do because, I mean, you’d had this whole upbringing, you know, where where that was a part of your life as a part of your vocabulary. You know what I mean? Like at that hole, you were somewhat immersed in that environment, but you’d felt at the time that that wasn’t necessarily for you.

Bob

Well I was afraid of drag queens. I was afraid to drink.

Jameela

Why?

Bob

Because we had a lot of queer friends and my mom had a friend named Sidney. And Sidney said to me, I remember Sidney came home and was like, don’t ever trust drag queens. Like he was. He had come home he had a rough day. He said, don’t ever trust drag queens. And I said, what was going on? He said, drag queens are all dangerous. They all have weapons. And I got and I got and I got shot by a drag queen. So he was you know, he was in a dispute with a drag queen in a parking lot where he was he was in a parking lot at my mom’s club and a drag queen got into an argument with someone else and she pulled a gun out of her purse and she shot. And then a stray bullet hit my mom’s friend, Sidney. So Sidney told me that drag queens were were dangerous, vicious and gun wielding. So I was like, well, I don’t want to be anywhere near drag queens. They’re dangerous. Like Sidney told me, they’re dangerous. I think Sidney was just probably scorn from being shot by a drag queen.

Jameela

I love the idea that they were all walking around with weapons. But then also, I imagine some drag queens feel like there’s a bit of a target on their back. So maybe that’s why they’ve all got guns

Bob

Well to be fair, when I first started drag, I did used to walk around with a weapon, actually, because I was so nervous to leave the house. I used to I’ve always carried a purse, purses have always been part of my brand. And I used to carry like a full knife in my purse. Every I don’t mean like a switchblade. I mean like a kitchen knife. Like everywhere I went, I have a full on butcher’s knife in my purse everywhere.

Jameela

Fucking hell.

Bob

Yeah. So so maybe Sidney was right.

Jameela

Maybe Sidney was right. Um OK. So so what was the moment though. Like that’s what I want to know. Like that’s a that’s a it’s like a it’s a bold career move, especially in New York City. But that’s such a like it’s such a big part of the culture there and and it’s a real tight knit community. What was your decision into that? What did you have friends at the time who were involved in that community?

Bob

No, none.

Jameela

Did you just put on a wig one day?

Bob

So that was I was watching season one of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I was flipping through TiVo that’s how long ago was back when people used TiVo. And I saw that, you know, back in the day on TiVo, you could, like, scan through and see what’s going to happen on a show, on a channel like in like twelve hour. You can just scroll through our scrolling through the logo channels. I was I was craving queer content and then I saw the RuPaul had a show. I go RuPaul has a show? So I started watching Season one of RuPaul’s Drag Race and I saw Bebe Zahara Benet, who was the winner of season one spoiler alert. Granted, it was fourteen years ago, but spoiler alert or thirteen years ago, spoiler still. And I saw Bebe Zahara on the show and I was like, oh my God. It was I finally saw like a real reflection of myself, someone who had some of the qualities that I thought were going to be my downfall. I thought that being black and dark skinned and queer and effeminate were going to be my downfall. But I saw someone on TV being uplifted, not in spite of all of that, but because of all that being told that because you are these things, you are fierce. And I said myself, I would like to be a part of a community that uplifts me in that same way. So then I found dragging. I actually Googled drag show drag competition, how to start drag in New York City. And there was a competition called Star Search, which the longest running drag show. It is still running. It is hosted by Keisha Carr and it’s Shequida hosts Star Search. So I went down to Star Search to meet Shequida in full drag and compete. And when I got there, she I said Hi Shequida. But Shequida had recently quit and a queen named Peppermint has started. But as I walked up to me and I called her Shequida and she was like, I am not Shequida. That is absolutely not who I am, but her and I are now like absolute like Kuwait friends. She’s one of my best friends in the world now, but that was how I started doing the competition scene in New York City. Going is going to Peppermint my shows.

Jameela

What was it like? You know, especially seeing as you’ve gone into it with fear of drag queens. That was it. Is it a supportive like because I find the ballroom community, obviously there’s a lot of shade in the ballroom community, but there’s also so much love and like mutual respect and everyone hugs each other after they battle, et cetera. What is the I don’t know very much about the drag scene in particular.

Bob

The drag scene is very similar. The New York City drag scene is very similar. It was very competitive. But you become great friends with the people you’re competing with every single week, especially if you’re a baby queen who’s doing the drag competition circuit, you know, these these girls you compete against, you start you see them every week at all the gigs. Every single time you keep, you keep running into them over and over again. And then you go to the diner after the show and then you make each other costumes and you say, well, I have great hair and you have great makeup. Maybe you can teach me about makeup. OK, I have good hair. You have good costumes. I can help you with hair if you help me with my costumes and then you start learning from each other. I mean, you all become better because of it.

Jameela

And I also like the drag. The drag scene, especially in New York, is a big part of the genesis of the ballroom community at large. So I’m glad it’s nice to hear that that kind of all kind of coexist nicely.

Bob

A drag queen started the houses like a drag queen and Crystal LaBeija from New York, and it was because of Crystal LaBeija feeling disenfranchised in white spaces. And she was like, well, I’m going to start my own house, like, we’re going to get together and help each other. So I don’t know. Some of your listeners may know because we probably a lot of ballroom fans listen to your broadcast. But like, the LaBeijans are like the oldest in one of the most respected houses in ballroom. And they started the idea of houses in general.

Jameela

And if anyone is new to the ballroom world, there’s an incredible and iconic documentary, Paris is Burning, which I would strongly suggest you have a little look at because you can learn something from that.

Bob

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Jameela

OK, so so did you feel as though, you know, having grown up in such a supportive household and then moving to New York by yourself, it’s pretty fucking intimidating. Did you find like a home away from home in the drag scene?

Bob

Oh, for sure. One hundred percent. You know, me and my friends, Frosty Flakes and Peppermint and Tina Burner and Pixie Aventura, KizhaCarr. Brenda Darling, Jacqueline Darling. I mean, some of these names probably mean nothing to some people were like to me, these were like the queens who really helped me cultivate a sense of community, helped me understand about what it means to put on a show and what it means to have left people. I gave me a page turner, gave me a foyer into what it means to build a community through charity work and through outreach and through activism. Asraya, Thorgy Thor, Moka Light, Misdemeanor Charmayne Ultra like so many amazing queens that I, you know, literally took the train with ran the streets with, ate at diners until 6:00 in the morning with in full drag.

Jameela

I want to see the movie of your life. That sounds so amazing. It’s incredible. How has winning on RuPaul’s Drag Race changed your life?

Bob

Well, it has launched me onto the international scene as a performer, as an as a drag queen, as an actor, as a writer, as a comedian. You know, RuPaul’s Drag Race is a behemoth of a show. It is the Game of Thrones of reality of reality TV. It is the most there has never been a reality TV show that’s won more Emmys in awards than RuPaul’s Drag Race. It is massive. It has the largest television based sub Reddit on Reddit more than Game of Thrones. The fan base, like there are very few shows where the contestants from a show leave as so many of them leave as prolific as they do on RuPaul’s Drag Race still to this day.

Jameela

Yeah. And so what was the environment like on that show

Bob

is really tense. You know, it is exhausting. It is. You’re so paranoid. You think everyone is out to get you think everyone has like a secret agenda.

Jameela

And a weapon.

Bob

And a weapon and tons of weapons. And you it really can freak you out because you’re like, how is like, first of all, the days are like a long like twelve hour filming days. You wake up in the morning, you go straight to set, you come back and you don’t have enough energy to hang out. You just fall over and pass out and you wake up in the morning and you’re, and you’re getting miked up again. You know, you can’t you can’t talk to people when the cameras are down. The only people you can talk to in the cameras down are PA’s and producers, you can’t talk to the queens. You’re in isolation. We don’t hang out when we’re in the hotels. Everyone is in their hotel room by themselves. And they even put tape on the door so they’ll know if you left the room.

Jameela

Oh, my God, that’s fucking intense. I have waited so late in this episode to ask you that. How is your how’s your mental health been your whole life, Bob?

Bob

You know, I am one of those people from a black family that does not consider mental health until it is severe. You know what I mean, like, there are people in my family who have been institutionalized, but you have to be like, that’s how bad it has to be before people my family are like let’s get a little help.

Jameela

I used to be the same yeah I get it.

Bob

I probably should go to the I always say I should go to therapy. I never have.

Jameela

You’ve never been to therapy?

Bob

Not even a one time. I’ve been to the gay bar called Therapy in Hell’s Kitchen, but I’ve never been to. Yeah. But I’ve never sat across from a therapist and had them listen to me or I’ve never been any of that. And I really should. I really should. I remember one time when I was younger, I was diagnosed with ADHD and my mom really did not want the diagnosis on me because at the time they were really overmedicating kids. Will passing out Ritalin to anyone who’ll take it. Like if your kid just talks a little too much, they will say, well, they have ADHD, give them give them the drugs. My mom was really nervous about that. So my mom wouldn’t let me get diagnosed. And and we just left the doctor’s office and I never took the medicine. I probably should have been medicated.

Jameela

Do you think do you think it’s because I wonder this about myself. You know, I had tried to commit suicide before I realized. Oh, I think maybe I maybe I’m not as together as I thought I was, but that’s what it took. And before I started to even register, there was anything wrong. I considered myself like a very strong survivor surrounded by mentally ill people. And I always wonder if it’s because I genuinely thought I was OK or if part of me was afraid of what would unravel. You know, if someone pulls the string like, yeah, what is going to happen to me? Am I just going to fall apart? Do you think any of it is fear?

Bob

Oh, one hundred percent fear. I am terribly afraid of going and finding out that I’m fucked up because in my head I’m like, I’m great. I have I’ve been handling this so well. I’m cooking on all four cylinders. I am like, really? I’m playing with a full deck of cards. I have no impediments, there’s nothing wrong. But then I have moments. I’m like, why is this a problem? Why is focusing a problem? Why is that? And it’s a problem. Why am I sad for weeks or months at a time? Why do I feel this way about myself? So yeah, I have a lot of fear around going to a professional and having them be like, oh, actually you have this list of things going on.

Jameela

Do you know what’s made you sad for these long portions of time?

Bob

I think it’s different things at different times. I mean, I think that maybe sometimes there would be like one thing will be a little catalyst. And I’ll think that’s the thing that’s make me sad. But then I realized that there are other times in my life where I’ve had something very similar, but it doesn’t seem to have the same, the same reaction and definitely not for the same amount of time. I know that I really struggled a lot with my body image growing up. I, I, I grew up feeling like the ugly sibling. I have a brother and I remember like feeling like when I was a kid, we’re the same age or I don’t know how big was in the UK, but in America self-esteem was like it was the it was the buzziest buzz word that they were feeding kids like self-esteem, self-esteem, self-esteem. You would hear it that and stop drop and roll you would hear non stop. So I was like on fire. I always knew to this day if I ever catch fire, it’s been drilled into my head to stop, drop and roll. But, you know, I remember them telling me this, but I remember feeling like I hear what you are saying, but it’s just doesn’t feel true for me. I don’t have that thing. Remember you all talk about the self esteem stuff. She’s not with me. I do not know her. I don’t know her. We’re not friends. She’s not my fucking buddy. But I do acknowledge and understand that there was probably some work to be done that I just didn’t engage in.

Jameela

Well, what was it about your body? Like your was it your body image? Was it your image? Like what was it about you that you weren’t comfortable with?

Bob

I was I was like, you know, being one, being really dark skinned. And colorism in the black community is really intense. And when I was younger, it was it was really hip to talk about light skin versus dark skin. And I have very dark skin. I also don’t have eyebrows. I also was a very large kid. I was ninety five pounds in kindergarten, the average kindergartner’s forty five pounds. I was a huge kid, you know. And so and then I shot right up in seventh grade. I was six two and I was one hundred and twenty five pounds just for reference. That is me right now but one hundred pounds lighter. So I looked and I just looked wild for me. I mean I was like, I was, I was so skinny and I had my afro and you know, it was all the stuff that I thought was like bad. And I think it was it was constantly seeing people like me being put down in the media, if not me personally, seeing people who look like me being called ugly was really rough, you know.

Jameela

Oh, I, I completely understand. And I always hate hearing that that worked, because that’s what they want to happen, they want everyone to feel so that they’ll go out and buy something that’ll fix it. That’s really unfortunate.

Bob

I’ve always had a real affinity to Whoopi Goldberg. I’m obsessed with her. She’s everything to me. Whoopi Goldberg is my is my favorite. Everything she’s she’s so brilliant. And she really thrives in Hollywood, despite all the odds, despite not looking the way they say she should look, despite that having a name like they they think she should have made her name with her real name isn’t Whoopi Goldberg. But she goes by Whoopi Goldberg. And you know what? She I just love the way she accepted that Oscar. It has Whoopi Goldberg written on it. And we have all now accepted that that is a household name, that Whoopi is a name. And we’re all like, yeah, of course, Whoopi. Sure. Back in the day, the people like Whoopi, who does Whoopi issues like I do. My name was Whoopi Goldberg. I just I love her so much. She’s she just means the world to me.

Jameela

And so do you feel as though she was an encouraging force and media that helped you feel better about your image? Did she inspire you to feel like there was a place for you in entertainment? You know, the whole kind of if you can see it, you can be it.

Bob

Yeah, well, she was and also a big part of that was she was also part of why I felt because people would take things out on her. You know, there was a big thing in Hollywood. People would call Whoopi Goldberg ugly and I remember thinking to myself but I look like Whoopi Goldberg. But I but I look like Whoopi Goldberg. I mean, you know, the famous line for Color Purple you sho’ is ugly, which spurred a lot of people off. Didn’t like calling Whoopi Goldberg ugly over and over and over again. And I like to think of myself was but she looks like me. So what are they what are they saying about me? You know what I mean? But seeing her thrive despite all of that, and I think she’s absolutely stunning.

Jameela

I love her face more than I love anyone else’s face.

Bob

Yeah, she’s beautiful. She’s so gorgeous, so gorgeous. I love her.

Jameela

Yeah we love her. Oh, my God. I love her. I want to talk to you about polyamory, because I think you have such a fascinating insight on it, and I would love to talk to you more about it. And you are currently in a polyamorous situation, not a polyamorous relationship, because of the fact that I know that you’re not you wouldn’t describe these two different relationships you have as you will being a throuple. You are in two separate relationships currently with two individuals and you have an apartment with each of them.

Bob

Yes, I do have a polyamorous dynamic in my life. Yes, two of them in my life. It so me and Jacob, we both actually me and Jacob and me and Ezra, we all live in Hollywood. Yeah, we live we live about four minutes from each other, which is a great if I whenever I leave one thing at the other house. Actually last night I was with Ezra and then Jacob had accidentally ordered food to me and Ezra’s place because he was there before. So the Uber delivered the food to me and Ezra’s place. And then I got in a car and drove it to Jacob because he accidentally ordered the food to the wrong place.

Jameela

This is this is fucking amazing to me because I’ve always been super monogamous. So I find this dynamic just really beautiful, but also mind blowing because of the amount of jealousy and security sharing. You know, and also, I love the fact that you are the common denominator in this relationship that they like. They both get kind of shared custody of you because they’re not in a relationship with each other are they? They’re friend.

Bob

So they’re friends, they are friends. They do have a relationship is like a friendship, but they’re not they’re not romantic with each other. And I so I’ve known me and Jacob met and started dating about three years ago, and Ezra and I have been together for almost two years, and it has. When I met Jacob, I said, I am polyamorous, and even though I even though Jacob, by the way, I didn’t tell you this, these are my first two boyfriends. So I have never had I’ve never broken up with anyone.

Jameela

That’s amazing.

Bob

I have no exes. I have zero exes which is wild.

Jameela

Really.

Bob

Not even there’s no one except OK. I did have a girlfriend in high school named Keisha Keisha. So Keisha is an ex of mine. Keisha and I were dating when I was I mean, I was in high school as an adult, though. These are my first two relationships.

Jameela

Why is that? Do you know?

Bob

I think that I was I think I probably got a lot of this from my mom. My mom was always very career driven and work focused. And I think that I have inherited that as well. And I really put my career first and I take my career very seriously. And that is a lot for some people. That is too much for some people

Jameela

100 percent. 100 percent. I understand that. And also, you were living in New York for quite a long time, and that’s.

Bob

12 years.

Jameela

A nightmare place to find a relationship sometimes because it’s like a school.

Bob

You people have a really hard time finding. I mean, I, I definitely couldn’t find it at all. So, you know, I’m a slut and like, I need my partners to know that. And like, I’m not like this will never be just yours. Like it doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to me. And I’m like leasing it out to you from time to time. But like, this is my vessel, this is mine. And I shall do with what I please and the same with my partners.

Jameela

That’s amazing. And so, so OK. So if you broach that conversation with someone, because I think there are a lot of people I get a lot of messages from people asking me about polyamory because we have like sex and relationship therapists on this podcast sometimes. And some of the questions that come up very often are about polyamory, about people who are asking like how do I how do I even bring up that I want to be in a polyamorous situation? Like, how do you stop people from getting jealous? How do you set those boundaries? And so I imagine you have a lot of insight and I know you have a lot of insight into this.

Bob

So people are like, how do you how do you how do you how are you not jealous? I know who said I’m not jealous. Who’s who said that? Like, we’re not above. We’re not super human. We’re not above feelings that everyone has. I get jealous of being. I get jealous for my friends. If one of my friends who’s a drag queen booked the gig that I wanted, I’m jealous of them. I process that. And I think of myself, why am I jealous of this? And I and I find and I also keep in mind that I’m also really happy for that person. And that allows me to step outside of jealousy and live in gratitude that my friend is getting work and getting booked and that that visibility is important for all of us. And if a drag queen is doing, you know, this commercial or this gig, that means there’s more opportunity down the road for the rest of us. It’s not it’s not a cake with finite slices, you know what I mean? It’s a bakery with infinite ingredients. What it is, the cakes just keep coming. And I what we do is and I don’t want some cheesy this is so true, though. It’s really just open and honest communication. You just we’re just really open with each other when we’re feeling hurt or sad or or in or in need. And then we just say it. We said as soon as we can. And that is really helped us out a lot.

Jameela

And so did these two different people that you’re with together. Did they know each other before being in relationships with you?

Bob

No, no. I introduced them.

Jameela

And what was that like?

Bob

So, I mean, there was definitely some bumpy moments where we had because I was putting a lot of pressure on them to communicate and they’re two people who whose paths would have probably never crossed if it wasn’t for me. And I was specifically asking if their paths crossed

Jameela

and why did you want them to? Why did you want them to?

Bob

Because I wasn’t interested in building two separate lives. I mean, I live in different places, but I have one life. I mean, and I don’t want to have like this life. I live in L.A. and I live in New York, although we all live in L.A. Now, I wasn’t interested in building. I was like, you know, let’s say let’s say We’re Here, gets nominated for the Emmy again. I don’t want to have to pick who I’m bringing.

Jameela

So you’re bringing them both.

Bob

Yeah I’m bringing them both. They’re both going or whoever is available. They also have careers Ezra’s a musician. And Jacob’s a photographer. They also have careers of their own. And, you know, if I go home for Christmas, I don’t have to pick who comes home for Christmas and who comes home for Thanksgiving. You know what I mean?

Jameela

That’s fascinating to me because the other people I know who are in polyamorous relationships, I the agreement, in order to, I guess, evade that human jealousy, is just to try to never discuss the other person that they’re with. So you don’t have a visual of you in your mind of like who they’re having sex with or being intimate with. You don’t know anything about that. It’s like that is a separate thing. Like when you walk out of my house, I, I close the door and I think that works for some people. I think it’s good to know your boundaries. You don’t have to. Anyone who’s listening to this is thinking of entering into a polyamorous relationship, you don’t have to have everyone meet, it’s just incredibly lucky that you found that these two have great chemistry and they’ve even become friends of their own accord. That’s incredible.

Bob

And it’s really not about it’s not really about the sex because me and because a lot of people there’s a lot more people who are open than there are who are polyamorous. And, you know, people are open. A lot of times they can be open. But like being polyamorous, meaning having two relationships is where it gets. Wow. Which lets me realize that it’s more than just a sex. It’s not just the fact that you’re partner’s having sex with someone else. It is the way it is for a lot of people the notion that your partner is building a life.

Jameela

That’s what I meant by intimacy. I didn’t mean sexual intimacy. I meant like that kind of, you know, the friendship, the secrets you tell each other all of that like that, that almost to me, I feel as though I would find it easier to have an open sexual relationship than an open emotional relationship. That’s the part of me that I’m just like a) I think I wouldn’t know if I’d be able to share that part of someone with someone else. But also I feel like I couldn’t be fucking bothered to do it myself, to invest emotionally in someone else. I think it’s because it’s a it’s a big it’s a big sacrifice entering into just one relationship and then so doing that twice over. That’s a it’s really remarkable that you have the time and energy to do both as well as have such a successful career.

Bob

Well, I also think about it, too. I think about it like because, you know, my partner was he’s my partner Ezra has had other partners while we’ve been dating. And when he does, I also think about it, too, like that. Whatever this part of this they have with the person is, one does not negate ours. It does not mean that he does not love me. But also, I wouldn’t be jealous if he had if he told if he was having a rough day and he said, I want to spend it with my friend and it’s nothing against me, I’ll say, well, baby I understand you and your friend have a certain bond and you want to spend that. You want to spend a day with your friend. It’s not about it doesn’t mean you don’t want to be with me. This means you want to be with this one friend. And I look at it like that. I look at it the way that I also look at my friendships very similarly to the way that I look at relationships sometimes. You know what I mean?

Jameela

I do know what you mean. And so do you meet all of their partners?

Bob

Yeah, I met I met um yeah, the short answer is yes. I’ve met Jacob, who’s never had another partner, but I’ve met Ezra’s other partners before.

Jameela

I got it. And again, so that’s that’s where you can have feelings of jealousy. But generally you are able to override them because you love Ezra. And want Ezra to be happy

Bob

Well I mean I have tons of jealousy. Like, for example, you know, I’m I’m very busy and I’m not able to do a lot of stuff. So I’m not able to go to Mexico with him to visit his family because I have to shoot. We’re here for like weeks at a time or I can’t, you know, go shopping in the middle of the day with Ezra because I have to do, you know, interviews and and, you know, design stuff and blah, blah, blah. But, you know, maybe his whoever he’s dating has more free time. And I’m like, man, my friend, I spend so much time together. I’m just so jealous of that person’s ability to spend the time with Ezra. But I’m also happy that Ezra has someone that he can spend that time with.

Jameela

Yeah, that is a nice part of it, of not having the relationship guilt of I’m like, well, I’m someone’s everything. So therefore I can’t just go off and I can’t go throw myself into my career because there’s another person depending on me. There’s someone else to fill that gap. It makes complete sense.

Bob

I can’t be someone’s everything. I can’t be someone’s everything. To quote Whoopi Goldberg, if someone says you complete me run as a quote from Whoopi Goldberg’s book like, I can’t I can’t complete someone. No, no, no, no, no, no. And we we I’m not I’m not a side dish. Neither are you. We are both the main entree, you know, steak and lobster.

Jameela

I 100 percent agree. I talk about this all the time. I don’t believe in two halves making a whole I really believe in two wholes. And I always have to clarify that. I don’t specifically mean h o l e s. I just mean two wholes, but

Bob

I don’t not believe in.

Jameela

Yeah ‘m not against it. But two wholes coming together, I think I’m making space for each  other in their lives.

Bob

This is getting very hot Jameela. To hold.

Jameela

It’s getting incredibly sexual. I know.

Bob

I mean, I coming.

Jameela

Coming together on each other’s tits yeah um

Bob

On Jamila’s forehead clit.

Jameela

Yeah. Well that’s the clit. I was going to say clip and I said clit. Shit. OK, so sorry. So OK, I’m not going to continue to grill you about, about it but I’m just, I’m talking about, I think it’s so interesting, it’s so rare that you get someone to come on and talk about it. So many people who even are in polyamorous relationships feel so unsafe to talk about it, because the way that we as a society, it’s the same way that people are even just with like bi culture or pansexual people like this it’s like it’s allowed for people to just openly mock bi and pansexual people. And I think there’s a lot of a lot of judgment around polyamory. You know, you’re treated as though you’re greedy, you’re treated as though you’re selfish or, you know, you’re incapable of committing something, as if, by the way, any of those things are particularly bad. Nothing wrong with a little bit of great little a little bit of sin. You know, the seven deadly sins, nothing wrong with all the lust and that the especially the hunger one. Um, but I and so it’s so rare to get someone to actually come on and just talk about it in such a way.

Bob

We can keep talking forever because I really loved bringing more awareness to polyamory and letting people know that it is valid. It is a little interesting and it takes a while. You have to do me, if I have to do a lot of self work to be able to have a relation with this because I can’t find my worth in anyone else. It cannot come from any person. It can’t your partner cannot bring you your worth. So because then what happens if you lose that? What happens if they die? What happens if you break up, then what’s your worth? I also feel that way with celebrities in the in their fame. People say I would be nothing without my fans. So are you saying people who don’t have fans are nothing? Your worth is not based on how many or how much people like you.

Jameela

I couldn’t agree more I truly couldn’t agree more. So what does that because you don’t do therapy. So what does your self-worth look like in order to get to a place of such stability that you don’t look outside of yourself for validation or love?

Bob

Well, it’s definitely talking to my friends. It is openly communicating with the people in my life. It is clearing my brain. It’s finding time for me. It is asking for what I need and not feeling bad about it. You know, when I learned to stop being a people pleaser, my life got flipped, turned upside down. I felt like Will Smith because there’s something about people pleasing that really tells you to put yourself last, like dead last. And, you know, I always tell folks it is OK to consider other people, but you need to put yourself first. You have to be your first priority.

Jameela

Was there a moment of that? Was there a moment for. I can’t say I feel like I’m tapping out of this people pleasing life.

Bob

Yeah, for sure. So I remember when it started and I remember when it ended. So I was working. Applebees, don’t judge me. I used to be at work at Applebee’s Expo as an as an expo, who is the person between the kitchen and the and the the the restaurant. So you’re the you’re the conduit between the front of house and the back of house. You’re you’re the you’re the threshold. And you have to be really stern because people were trying to grab the wrong food. You have to make sure the food’s coming the right time. You have to take the quality of the food. Every bit of food that goes out to the restaurant goes through the expo. And I remember being really stern with this one girl and she was like she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me was like, you are such a fucking asshole. And that really wrecked me because I really thought myself I was such a nice person. So I spent the next, like four years of my life doing the most extreme people pleasing fake smiling in pictures. Now, I’ve always said anyone I always to anyone who stick their tongue out and when they smile and pictures don’t trust them. Something about someone who goes. I don’t trust that they don’t trust that they don’t trust her. No.

Jameela

Why?

Bob

Because it’s fake. They’re No. One, Jameela. No one smiles like that.

Jameela

No, I agree. I mean, I don’t smile like that.

Bob

It’s fake, and I used to be her, that was me for a very long time. Pictures. But then, as I think something about being on the drag scene and getting him a little thick skin and being able to command a room from on stage, then carrying that power with me offstage, I started to realize that people started to like me a lot more when I was myself. The fake me was not getting me any closer to getting me anything once I got to be myself. All of us, all of a sudden out of nowhere, people started liking me way more. It was crazy.

Jameela

And so how liberating have you found that in your life?

Bob

Oh, so I love saying no to things. I say no to things I want to do because I like saying no. Well I because I feel powerful when I’m like, no, no, absolutely not. And my favorite phrase is under no circumstances. Under no circumstances. And I think I’ve just kind of got into it because like it I’m allowed to take away my power. I’m allowed to say no to things I don’t want to do. Even if someone else doesn’t like it. I’m like, I don’t want to do it. I’m not going to put myself at a disadvantage just so that you can be happy.

Jameela

I love and it shouldn’t be revolutionary, but you have a revolutionary approach to self preservation.

Bob

Yeah, I hate this notion that people are. That people’s niceness and kindness is based on how much they’re willing to hurt or harm themselves for you, like I’ve seen someone be like I went to a show and what’s her name stood in line and hugged every single person until her feet were hurting. She was like shaking in her knees. She could barely stand, but she stood there and she hugged every you know, it makes a lot of sense being like it’s a wrap, my legs hurt. I’m going to leave, especially if it’s not like a contractual thing. And people like and she didn’t make anyone pay her. She did it for free. Her hands were bleeding. She was in a horrible mood.

Jameela

She died there that night.

Bob

Yes she died there. I’m like what what a what a dumb bitch is what she is it’s like why the fuck would you do that? I believe in honoring your word. I believe you saw a meet and greet. Meet every single person. I believe you can make yourself and the other people as comfortable as possible. You give the priority, make sure you’re comfortable first, because you can’t make sure anyone else comfortable unless you are.

Jameela

It’s the analogy that people often use with this is that when you know, when they’re explaining to you what you should do in a in a plane crash, you should put your own mask in your own vest on first before helping someone else, because that way you’re going to be more helpful when you’re alive, when you’re still alive, they’ll be more helpful to other people.

Bob

I mean, in a plane crash. None of you are going to survive. But but it is important to put your mask,

Jameela

That’s not true actually, because if you put the mask on and the vest, then you will be absolutely fine. Is there anything that you in particular want people to know about polyamory that you think is misunderstood?

Bob

Well, I think a lot of people just think that me and my partners are all together, that we did meet Jacob and Ezra like live in one big house and that we’re like all fucking all day and that we are and that they are like sister wives. But the truth is, I just happen to have two simultaneous me this is just me specifically. I happen to have two simultaneous relationships, like at the same time. And it’s really not any more complicated than that.

Jameela

OK, thank you so much for giving me some of your time before you go. I wanted to just return to your work and advocacy in particular, Black Trans Lives Matter, and I wanted to ask you how myself and my community can support your work.

Bob

Well, you know it’s so interesting when you say you and your community, because your intersectionality and your access and your fame and your celebrity, you have access to a lot of communities between being a you know, a prominent woman of color, between being a huge celebrity, a producer,.

Jameela

Spokesperson fringes

Bob

fringe and spokesperson

Jameela

Soon to be icon yeah.

Bob

I think that, you know, you can always uplift black trans voices, have them on your podcast, allow them to guide the conversations and also understand that, you know, black trans people no people are monolithic. So you can have two different black trans people on your show who have extremely different viewpoints and they’re both valid. Do I do we don’t have to all agree with everything everyone said, but they’re all valid. You kow whay I mean, you have everyone from Flame Monroe, TS Madison and Leiomy, and they’ll all have very different perspectives.

Jameela

Leiomy is coming on this podcast soon actually, I’m really excited.

Bob

And I also think that what you’re doing because you’re a producer on.

Jameela

Legendary, yeah.

Bob

Legendary, this is huge like this that is uplifting a lot of a lot of black trans voices. That is massive. Like you’re already doing the work. And I think that there’s probably a lot of people who are like, why is Jameela Jamil? But also people in Internet are always going to be like, why, why, why? And my whole thing is like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, this is a show now where black trans people can come and tell their stories. That’s why. That’s why. And it is. I’m not aloof enough to insinuate that I don’t realize that sometimes it takes a person who is famous to open the door and while they’re walking through, there’s going to hold the door open. And now come come on, everyone. I’m holding the door open. You can all come through now, you know what I mean? it is not I am not thick enough or dense enough or daft, as you like to say in the UK, to insinuate that I don’t realize why it is important that Jameela Jamil and Megan Thee Stallion are on that panel because you are both massive celebrities and it helps bring people there. And then once they’re are there, people see these really important, really remarkable stories.

Jameela

I think that’s really all we were trying to do, is just think, well, how what’s the fastest way that we can be helpful? And that is to bring our audience to watch the show to help more people understand how incredible this community is. Yeah, I, I’m, I, I love you. I’m so happy to have the chance to be able to talk to you Bob the Drag Queen. Before I leave you, will you please tell me, what do you weigh?

Bob

I would say I weigh let’s throw in some comedy activism, absurdism, glamor, makeup, irreverence. That’s what I weigh.

Jameela

I love that. I love all of the things that you weigh. And, um, and I hope you feel beautiful now, even if you didn’t when you were young, because we’ll find you very beautiful and we’ll love staring at your face.

Bob

Aw thank you.

Jameela

And thank you for answering my creepy little slide into your D.M. And coming onto this, and coming onto this podcast and and I can’t wait to meet you in the flesh.

Jameela

Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode, I Weigh with Jameela Jamil is produced and research by myself, Jamila M. Aaron Finnegan and Kimie Gregory. It is edited by Andrew Carson. And the beautiful music you’re hearing now is made by my boyfriend, James Blake. If you haven’t already, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. It’s a great way to show your support. We also have a bonus series exclusively on Stitcher Premium called Ask Jameela Anything. Check it out. You can get a free month to Stitcher Premium by going stitcher.com/premium and using the promo code I Weigh. Lastly over at I Weigh, we would love to hear from you and share what you weigh at the end of this podcast. You can leave us a voicemail at one eight one eight six six zero five five four three. Or email us what you weigh at Iweighpodcast@gmail.com and now we would love to pass the mic to one of our fabulous listeners.

Listener

I weigh my friendships and being a good daughter. I weigh my intelligence and I weigh all the good and bad experiences that have gotten me to where I am today and have made me who I am today, I weigh my ability to empathize with other people and my ability to forgive. I weigh my willingness to learn and grow as a person. Thanks, Jameela, for this podcast. You are so amazing.