EP. 352 — 2023 New Year’s Resolutions

Chris [00:00:05] Hello to everybody who wants to fart more freely. It’s the annual New Year’s resolution episode of Beautiful/ Anonymous. Many, many phone calls. Who knows how many hours? No names except one guy who slipped up towards the end but we’ll bleep him. And phone calls. Yeah, a lot of phone calls… Hey, everybody. Chris Gethard here, wishing you a happy New Year. What a year we had. Everybody who’s listening can vouch for me. We went on a hot streak this year. We had call after call that was just bangers. And that’s because the show exists, of course. It’s because there’s people who work hard on it. But most of all, it’s because you people are out there bringing the heat with these stories. And I feel so lucky that we get to do this show, and I hope that we get to do it forever. I feel great. Every year I kind of forget how physically strenuous this New Year’s episode is, where we just do call after call after call. But what I remember every time is that it’s joyous and it’s fun. I just finished recording. Got to talk to so many great people. You’re about to hear all of them. Thank you all so much for listening, for calling, for supporting the show. If you’ve stopped listening, it’s time to get back on board. If you want to come out to a live taping, you go to ChrisGeth.com. Guess what? I’m going to tell you a little secret. Looks like we’re finally going to get that convention going in Brooklyn later in 2023. That’s one of my resolutions. Let’s make that Beautiful Con happen. Everybody keep your eyes peeled for May. That’s all I’m going to say for now, until we narrowed down all the specifics in the meantime. Also want to remind everybody that if you want to support the Kickstarter for our friend who called a few weeks back who wanted to make a queer zombie anthology story, you can do so go to Kickstarter.com/projects/afterusseries. I told him if he got that Kickstarter up and running, I’d plug it on the show. I’m hoping our community rallies and maybe we can help make this dream happen. Okay. Enjoy the annual Beautiful/ Anonymous New Year’s resolution spectacular. 

Voicemail Robot [00:02:18] Thank you for calling Beautiful/ Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. 

Caller 1 [00:02:26] Hey, Chris. I’m well. Yourself?

Chris [00:02:27] I’m good. Your 2 minutes begins now. 

Caller 1 [00:02:29] Oh, perfect. So I want to go back to Singapore. I went there for my 25th birthday. I backpacked there alone. I’m turning 30 this year. I want to go back, remind myself why I went, and be grateful for all that’s happened since. 

Chris [00:02:44] I love that. If every five years you just go on a solo backpacking trip to Singapore to get back in touch with yourself. 

Caller 1 [00:02:52] This will be number two. But yes. 

Chris [00:02:53] Yeah, that’s great. How did you pick Singapore originally? 

Caller 1 [00:02:59] Undiagnosed ADHD. I just kind of picked it. 

Chris [00:03:02] Wow. Like, just spun a globe, pointed your finger somewhere, said, I’m going there. 

Caller 1 [00:03:07] Yeah. So it worked out very well. And I’m hoping to go back. 

Chris [00:03:10] Now. 

Caller 1 [00:03:11] Oh, and I need to come out to my extended family. 

Chris [00:03:13] Oh, that’s a big one. That’s a big one to just toss in when we’re halfway through this. 

Caller 1 [00:03:17] Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Chris [00:03:19] Oh, P.S., also let my family know the truth that I’m living and put them in the position to accept me for who I am. Also that. And Singapore. 

Caller 1 [00:03:29] Pretty solid year. 

Chris [00:03:30] That would be a great year all around. That would be a great year all around. 

Caller 1 [00:03:34] Yeah. 

Chris [00:03:35] I feel like we’ve spoken before. Have we? 

Caller 1 [00:03:37] I think on Planet Scum once. 

Chris [00:03:39] Yeah, I recognize your voice. That’s. 

Caller 1 [00:03:42] Yeah. 

Chris [00:03:42] I’m I’ve got a good memory for that. Well, much love to you in Singapore and much love to you in the process of letting the cousins and aunts and uncles know what the deal is. 

Caller 1 [00:03:54] Thank you so much, Chris. All the best. 

Chris [00:03:56] Okay. We’re cooking with gas right out of the gate here. Let’s get our next caller on the line. Caller, hello. 

Caller 2 [00:04:01] Hello. 

Chris [00:04:01] Hi. 

Caller 2 [00:04:03] Hi. My New Year’s resolution is to have a proper website to display my art, my original art that I make. Finally. 

Chris [00:04:12] That is amazing. I want to see your art someday. Also, I just have to say, getting a website is a very reasonable and attainable New Year’s resolution. 

Caller 2 [00:04:22] Right. I mean, this is coming from a person who normally doesn’t make resolutions at all, so I figured I would start small. 

Chris [00:04:29] I got it. Yeah. I’m not the best with keeping my resolutions. Are you going to design the website for yourself as an artist, or are you just going to hire somebody to do it? 

Caller 2 [00:04:38] I’m not sure. I mean, I’m thinking maybe just going with an Etsy to start or like Shopify, some sort of e-commerce website. I have zero coding skills, so that’s sort of just been the barrier between getting started on that. I have an Instagram, so and I sold a couple pieces to like friends and family through that. 

Chris [00:04:56] I love it. 

Caller 1 [00:04:58] So we’re hoping to like make some sales outside of that bubble within this coming year. 

Chris [00:05:01] Listen, baby, if there’s one thing you got to do as an artist, it’s commodify. We all know that. What kind of art do you make? 

Caller 2 [00:05:08] I’m watercolor mostly, but also some acrylic paintings and collage art. Yeah, whatever tickles my fancy, really. But I started with watercolor painting as my passion. 

Chris [00:05:20] I love it. I think it’s going to go great. I hope you uh I hope you sell a ton of art and then you’re able to decide if you want it to become your day job or not. 

Caller 2 [00:05:32] Yeah. I mean, I would love that too. 

Chris [00:05:34] Right? Someday. Someday. That’s cool. Well, you know, former sponsor of the show Squarespace makes it very easy. But they’re a former sponsor, so I’m not trying to plug them too hard. 

Caller 2 [00:05:47] Well, maybe if I have a promo code in pocket that can help. 

Chris [00:05:51] You listening, Squarespace? Let’s hook up another promo code. Let’s get another ad sale. Thank- caller, that was very giving of you. Thank you so much. Our 2 minutes is up. I wish you nothing but the best. Happy New Year. Next caller. Welcome to the show, Beautiful/ Anonymous New Year’s resolution. Annual tradition. How are you? 

Caller 3 [00:06:07] Hello? 

Chris [00:06:07] Hi. 

Caller 3 [00:06:09] Oh, my God. Um, okay. I wrote them down because I knew I would forget as soon as I heard your voice. Okay. Let me pull up my note.  

Chris [00:06:19] Okay. 

Caller 3 [00:06:19] Okay. So I’m a little behind on your podcast. 

Chris [00:06:22] Wait, Where did you go? Your sound just went so distant. 

Caller 3 [00:06:25] Talk about sex episode. And so I want to take the wanting it more workshop that your that caller recommended. I want to figure out my ideal work life balance. And I want to learn to love my postpartum body. I just had a baby four months ago. 

Chris [00:06:44] Hey, congratulations. 

Caller 3 [00:06:46] Thanks. She’s the greatest. 

Chris [00:06:49] Yeah, that’s cool. I mean, that’s a cool set of resolutions, especially for a new mom. If you’ve had all those life changes to get back in touch with your body and your audio was out a little bit. It sounded like you said you wanted to get back in touch with with the sexual side of things? 

Caller 3 [00:07:04] Yeah, it’s been a touchy topic for the past four months. 

Chris [00:07:08] Well, I bet. 

Caller 3 [00:07:10] And pre and pre pre-baby as well. You know, being pregnant was a little bit uncomfortable, especially towards the end. 

Chris [00:07:18] Yeah. Well, I wish you nothing but luck, and I wish nothing but health and happiness. Is that the baby? 

Caller 3 [00:07:25] It is. 

Chris [00:07:26] We got a little baby on the first new years call. That’s the Beautiful, Anonymous New Year’s baby. I want to wish the baby happy- health and happiness. You, your partner, and that health and happiness both in the traditional sense and in the and in the sexual reawakening sense. 

Caller 3 [00:07:42] Thank you. And hopefully I will get on for real. But I only have Facebook as social media, so I never get the phone number. 

Chris [00:07:49] Oh, that. That’s fair. Well, leave a voicemail. We got the voicemail line. I always forget to plug it. 

Caller 3 [00:07:55] I’m not interesting enough. 

Chris [00:07:56] Yes, you are. You definitely are! You’re a recent, recent new mom craving a sexual reawakening. Right there. We got an hour. We can talk an hour about that. All right. Our two our 2 minutes is up. Happy New Year to you and to that adorable baby. Let’s get our next caller on the line. Caller, hello. 

Caller 4 [00:08:14] Hello. Is this Chris? Holy shit. 

Chris [00:08:17] Hi. Your 2 minutes begins now. How’s it going? 

Caller 4 [00:08:20] Great. It’s going well. So I met you in Chicago at the Hideout this past year, and I’m excited to be on line. First time caller. Anyway, New Year’s resolution for me is to, like, not be apologetic about my farts. Like, just farting in public and just farting out loud. I mean like everyone poops. Yeah, but I feel like as a young woman, 27, whatever, like I want to fart in public, you know? Like I don’t want to hold it in. 

Chris [00:08:44] I’ve never identified with a life goal more than this. The amount of pain I put myself in, holding back my farts until I’m someplace private and quiet. I can’t do it anymore. I’m 42. I got to just start blasting. 

Caller 4 [00:08:58] No, you can. Listen, if old- if babies can do it, dogs can do it, if old people can do it, I can do it. I think it’s time to start a movement. Let’s do it. Fart in public. 

Chris [00:09:08] Public farting movement 2023. I’m proud to be a charter member of this movement. I’ll tell you what, my son is very well acquainted with my farts. I will let them fly in front of him. He finds it hilarious and it’s emboldening me to be a more public farter in general. 

Caller 4 [00:09:24] Don’t apologize. Like fart and don’t apologize for farting. 

Chris [00:09:27] That is an amazing New Year’s resolution. Some people want to come out to their extended family. Some people want to start a small business. Other people want to fart shame free. Finally. 

Caller 4 [00:09:40] Yes! Do it! Do it! Alright, Chris. Bye. 

Chris [00:09:48] Bye… Hello, who’s next on Beautiful/ Anonymous? 

Caller 5 [00:09:50] Hello? 

Chris [00:09:51] Hi. Welcome to the show. 

Caller 5 [00:09:53] Hi. Ah, okay. Wow, I just got really nervous. 

Chris [00:09:57] I mean, did you hear the last call? It’s a public farter. The bar is set low. 

Caller 5 [00:10:01] I mean, I. I don’t know if I can top just shamelessly farting. That’s a very good resolution. Anyways, around this time last year, I started doing photography. I got my first DSLR camera just kind of as a hobby. And throughout the last year I’ve kind of been exploring what I like to do best, and I’ve discovered that live music photography is my favorite thing to photograph. So I started working with a publication here in my city and started just doing shows here and there. But my my shows have been kind of like one every couple of months. So for my New Year’s resolution next year, I want to reach out to some smaller bands, try to pack more of my weekend with photographing live music, and ultimately I want to try and get on the photo team at Fest down in Gainesville, which I know you’re familiar with. 

Chris [00:10:52] Oh yeah, that’s a great crew of people down there. I think that’s an awesome goal. And that Halloween weekend every year is the best weekend of the year down in Gainesville when they throw that fest. 

Caller 5 [00:11:03] It absolutely, absolutely is. And I caught your set this year. It was really good. 

Chris [00:11:07] Thanks. Yeah. People showed up, the place was packed out. It made an old man feel relevant again. It was very nice of them. Very nice. 

Caller 5 [00:11:15] Yeah. So. 

Chris [00:11:18] Well, that’s. 

Caller 5 [00:11:19] I was gonna say I had some pretty big FOMO because I’m friends with a couple of the photographers. I was like, Man, I want to be taking photos. All right, next year. Here we go. 

Chris [00:11:26] Boom. Make it happen. I think that that’s a great goal and I can’t wait to see your pictures someday soon. 

Caller 5 [00:11:31] Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Chris. I love the podcast. 

Chris [00:11:34] Thank you. Thanks for listening and coming out to my shows. That’s awesome of you. Thanks. Hello, Welcome to the show. 

Caller 6 [00:11:40] Hello, Chris. 

Chris [00:11:41] Hi. No dude- I don’t think we’ve had any dudes. No, dudes so far. That’s cool. 

Caller 6 [00:11:46] No, no, I’m not a dude. Sorry, I was- I’ve been sitting really quietly, so I feel like my throat got kind of like that, but. So we’ve actually talked before. I am from the Ranger Danger episode. 

Chris [00:11:58] Oh hey, how’s it going? 

Caller 6 [00:12:00] It’s going good. So I wanted to call in because my New Year’s resolution is just to stop trying to change things that I have no control over. So my mantra lately has been, not my circus, not my monkeys. So if it’s not my problem and I can’t control it, then I just need to let it go and I can’t fix everyone’s problems. 

Chris [00:12:26] Now, that’s a great mantra. I have to say, I’ve never heard that. Is this a popular expression, or did you start that yourself? Not my circus, not my monkeys. 

Caller 6 [00:12:34] No, I think it’s I think it’s pretty like a popular expression. I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know. Definitely didn’t make it up. 

Chris [00:12:40] I might need to steal that one too. I like that. 

Caller 6 [00:12:43] Yeah, basically like, not my problem. I don’t need to worry about it. 

Chris [00:12:47] Yeah, I hear ya. I know exactly. You know, my kid’s being bad, I’ll step in, I’ll stop him. Somebody else’s kids being bad in front of me? Not my circus, not my monkeys. I don’t care. Go do your thing.

Caller 6 [00:12:58] Yes. 

Chris [00:12:59] I’m not getting involved. I sort of feel like living in New Jersey, that’s kind of a statewide mantra of like, I’m not getting involved in other people’s stuff. I’ll sort out my stuff. You sort out your stuff. We’ll be fine. Not getting involved. 

Caller 6 [00:13:13] Cool. Well, have a great holiday season and a Happy New Year for you and your family. 

Chris [00:13:18] All the best to you. So happy to hear from you again. Our first returning caller here to our New Year’s resolution episodes. Thank you so much. We’re going to have another caller pop in in just a minute. But first, I got to tell you what. We’re going to do the ads live within it. We’re not going to go back and edit and chop up this momentum. We got some real flow going. Some, some audio feng shui. Not trying to disrupt that. So what we’re gonna do right now is we’re going to take a pause, hear for some advertisers. These are the people who help us bring this show to the world. We, you know, we were just calling you out, Squarespace. Where you been? Come back. Get a promo code. We got an artist who needs a website. I would love to have them go through us. Anyway, we do have all sorts to advertisers for you. Take a listen. We’ll be right back… I want to thank all the advertisers who make the show possible. Now we’re going to dive back into our New Year’s Resolutions episode. We have another caller on the line. Caller, welcome to the show. 

Caller 7 [00:14:16] Hi, Gethard. 

Chris [00:14:17] How’s it going? 

Caller 7 [00:14:18] Is it me? 

Chris [00:14:19] Yeah, it’s you. 

Caller 7 [00:14:20] It’s going really well. We talked a few years back about mushroom hunting, and you’ll be happy to hear that I didn’t poison myself. 

Chris [00:14:27] Good! Good! 

Caller 7 [00:14:30] Yeah. 

Chris [00:14:30] That would be- that’s much better than you saying, like, I’ve only poisoned myself three times, but it’s still going okay. 

Caller 7 [00:14:38] So in 2021, I made a goal to hike 100,000 feet in elevation gain, which puts me into the stratosphere. So I’m thinking next year- I might have got years mixed up. I’m thinking next year of hiking either into the mesosphere or hiking 500 miles. Which do you think sounds more impressive? 

Chris [00:14:59] The mesosphere. I don’t know what it is. It could be less than 500 miles. But as far as what sounds more impressive, I mean, both sound impressive, but the mesosphere? I don’t know what that is. 

Caller 7 [00:15:10] That’s the point in the atmosphere where we start seeing meteors and and things like that. 

Chris [00:15:15] Look at this. Some people just want to fart freely. Other people want to hike as high as meteor showers. We are a community here at Beautiful Anonymous. We spread our umbrella far and wide. All are welcome. I think that would be amazing. So what do you track all the steps, you track all the distance, and you add it up and you want to hike far enough that you could, if you walked in a straight line, be in space? That is what you’re telling me? 

Caller 7 [00:15:39] Walk in a straight line going up though. 

Chris [00:15:41] Yeah. Yeah. 

Caller 7 [00:15:43] So that’s the elevation. 

Chris [00:15:44] Okay. I understand. Yes. Not a diagonal line which would make it that much more difficult. As the crow flies, you want to walk to space? 

Caller 7 [00:15:52] Yes. Yeah so I guess mesosphere it is. That sounds great. 

Chris [00:15:56] It’s an amazing call. It makes you sound completely badass. Yes. 

Caller 7 [00:16:00] Thanks. I also want to travel to Iceland and make sure that I shovel my driveway every time it snows instead of letting it build up. 

Chris [00:16:09] Those are, I mean, Iceland doesn’t sound so far away, and shoveling snow doesn’t sound so difficult when you’ve hiked into the mesosphere. Good luck to you, caller. Great to talk to you again. Let’s go ahead and get our next caller on the line. I’m having my first giggle fit. This always- every year, I forget how this feels and now it’s all coming back to me. Also, just thus far, I want to point out every caller we’ve had is a member of our Facebook community. If we run out of people finding this through the Facebook community plug, then I’ll tweet it out far and wide. But first priority goes to the members of the Facebook community as a huge thank you for being part of the most chill, laid back section of Facebook where we hang out, talk about episodes. It’s a cool time. Let’s get our next caller going. Hello, welcome. 

Caller 8 [00:16:52] Oh, shit. Oh, it’s me. 

Chris [00:16:54] It’s you. 

Caller 8 [00:16:55] Wow. 

Chris [00:16:56] And are you a guy? 

Caller 8 [00:16:57] Yeah, I am. I am a guy. I’m your first guy. 

Chris [00:17:00] First guy. Welcome. Welcome, First guy. 

Caller 8 [00:17:03] Oh, well, I guess my New Year’s resolution is I want to be a better boyfriend to my boyfriend. Uh, he has some kind of mental health issues, so I try to be there for him and support him. Probably, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess, yeah. Apply to grad school, get in, pick up Russian again, pick up Cambodian again. Yeah, I think that’s kind of it. My resolutions. 

Chris [00:17:32] That’s a hell of a set of goals, and it reminds me one of my main ones: try to be a better husband to my wife. Be a better partner, right? 

Caller 8 [00:17:40] Hey, yeah. Yeah. It’s the best thing you can do, honestly. 

Chris [00:17:43] I think so. And you help the other- you help another person who you’re that close with, such a bedrock part of the foundation of your life, you help them, and you’re only helping yourself as well. And you’re helping to you as a unit. It’s a beautiful thing. 

Caller 8 [00:17:58] Exactly. Exactly. You know, you’re working together, being a unit, taking on life together. That’s the best thing that I- At least that’s the best thing I can ask for right now. I have very low standards, so. Yeah. 

Chris [00:18:09] Let me also say, as someone who has dealt with a number of mental health issues, thank you for being an understanding partner who wants to get in somebody’s corner to help face theirs. 

Caller 8 [00:18:20] Yeah, no, I mean, it’s life is already hard enough, you know? Just kind of spread the support around, spread the love around. That’s what I think is the best thing. Long as you’re not hurting nobody else. Yeah, just try to help other people uplift other people and stuff. And it’s worked out for me so far. 

Chris [00:18:36] I love it. Well done. Well, we have 15 seconds left. You can use them for whatever you want. Or we could say goodbye. 

Caller 8 [00:18:41] Okay. Ah, You know, I hope that you have a great day, Geth. 

Chris [00:18:46] Yeah, you too. You too. Thanks. 

Caller 8 [00:18:49] Thank you. 

Chris [00:18:49] That was lovely. I feel good after that one. Let’s keep that momentum going. Hello. Welcome to the show. We’re officially gonna tweet it out. We’re going to start sharing the wealth with people who aren’t on Facebook. 

Caller 9 [00:19:04] Hey, Chris, how’s it going? 

Chris [00:19:05] It’s good. It’s good. How are you? 

Caller 9 [00:19:09] Well, I hope you’re doing a lot better than me. I’m happy to hear that you tweeted today. I drove to work and encountered a small tree on my way and now I have to get a (Coke?). 

Chris [00:19:22] Oh, you say encounter. Does that mean crashed into? 

Caller 9 [00:19:25] I drove over it. I’m going to need a new radiator. I decided to hit it rather than swerve across the snowy icy road and potentially do worse. 

Chris [00:19:35] Well, that’s looking out for other people, right? That’s that scary moment where you go, Ooh, I might get messed up from this, but I’m not going to hurt anybody else. So you did the right thing, it sounds like. 

Caller 9 [00:19:43] Thank you, I think. Anyway. 

Chris [00:19:46] Do you have a New Year’s resolution outside of get a new radiator for the car? 

Caller 9 [00:19:53] I didn’t until now. I need to be less of an introvert and try to make more connections with people. I actually just finished catching up on Beautiful/ Anonymous last night. I’ve been a listener for since the beginning, but just had a couple that have been hanging and I finished and I went, Oh man, now I’m just going to have to wait for new episodes to meet new people. But I should just go try to make friends on my own and stop being a hermit in my cabin. 

Chris [00:20:26] Yeah. And I don’t want to feel responsible for facilitating your hermit nature by making you feel like I’m giving you a backdoor entryway into friendships instead of putting in the effort towards actual friendships. So I feel like I’ve been dragged into this myself. 

Caller 9 [00:20:44] No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t feel that way at all. I listen to you while I’m driving, while I’m cooking, while I’m baking. No, you’re not contributing. It’s all me. 

Chris [00:20:55] Well, that’s awfully nice. I wish you the best in your quest to get a little less introverted, a little more extroverted. Get out there a little bit more. It’s one that I could use as well. So good luck. Good luck, caller. Let’s keep this ball rolling. Hello? We are doing our New Year’s resolution episode. You get 2 minutes when you get patched through. Let’s go ahead and see who else wants to give us their New Year’s resolution on Beautiful/ Anonymous. Welcome to the show. 

Caller 10 [00:21:23] Hey, what’s going on, Chris? 

Chris [00:21:25] What’s up? 

Caller 10 [00:21:26] Not too much. Not too much. Appreciate you doing this episode. 

Chris [00:21:31] Oh, it’s a pleasure. 

Caller 10 [00:21:32] Yeah, So I have. I have two resolutions. One is to roast more coffee in one day than I have in my entire life. And the other is to create some good jobs. 

Chris [00:21:47] Create some good jobs. What’s that mean? 

Caller 10 [00:21:49] Yeah. Yeah. So basically, you know, I did the same soul searching that we all did over the pandemic and kind of realized that there wasn’t really a way I could survive in the kind of work I was doing. So I took a step back, and I’ve spent this past year beginning to develop a worker owned coffee roastery. And so, yeah, right now it’s pretty small. But, you know, the idea is that by this time next year, it’ll be me and, you know, a few other people who, you know, make good money and have jobs that serve them well. 

Chris [00:22:24] You want to hear my reaction to this? 

Caller 10 [00:22:26] Yeah, let’s hear it. 

Chris [00:22:27] That’s cool as hell. 

Caller 10 [00:22:29] Thanks, man. This show was a big inspiration for me, too. You know, listening to all the callers who are, you know, doing their own thing, shout out the Culture Clash records in Toledo. 

Chris [00:22:40] The best record store in the country, baby! 

Caller 10 [00:22:42] You know, just yeah, just hear, you know, hearing about all the, all the work that other people are doing, it really gave me kind of that push to to go out on my own and, you know, stop waiting for the right answer to come to me and then, you know, just make it myself. 

Chris [00:22:56] I love it. I love it. And I hear that a lot of the coffee beans that come into the United States get shipped through New Jersey. Do you know if that’s true? 

Caller 10 [00:23:03] Yeah. There are huge warehouses in Newark, so, you know, a ton of the coffee that comes from, you know, especially like West Africa, all of it comes through the East Coast and probably through Newark. 

Chris [00:23:15] Boom. Boom, baby. Jersey. Essex County. Represent. Caller, that’s awesome. I wish you well. And building a business from the ground up where people can take an ownership claim as long as they put in the work from the start, I think that’s the way of the future and I hope that we start seeing more and more things build from the grassroots direction up in that. It’s very, very cool. Good luck to you. Let’s get our next caller on the line. Hello, Welcome. 

Caller 11 [00:23:41] Hey, Chris? 

Chris [00:23:42] Hello. Your two minute starts now. 

Caller 11 [00:23:44] All right, cool. I started a stopwatch. Um, longtime listener, second time caller. I would like to- my first big resolution is to embrace my vulnerability. And I think I’m going to start dating again in an effort to to do that. Yeah, that’s the most daunting one. That’s the one that makes my heart pound super hard. My second one would be to do more personal travel because I travel a ton for work. I just got back from two weeks in Australia, which was awesome, but it was a work trip. And I just want to do more personal travel so I can, you know, kind of venture out and experience things. So those are my two big ones. I also want to teach more improv and I want to cook new things. 

Chris [00:24:33] Oh, I think I’ve spoke- I think I know who I’m speaking to. 

Caller 11 [00:24:37] Yeah!

Chris [00:24:39] How’s it going?  

Caller 11 [00:24:40] Yeah. Selling sex toys in Vegas. 

Chris [00:24:42] I remember. And then we met. Right? Didn’t we meet at a show? 

Caller 11 [00:24:47] I don’t know. No, no. I tried to meet you after your show in Denver last year, but I hung around as long as I could and I don’t know, I don’t know if you ever came out, to be honest, but I waited a while and ended up leaving. 

Chris [00:25:01] I could have sworn I coulda sworn. Now I got a question for you because you travel a lot. Let me ask your opinion on this. 

Caller 11 [00:25:08] Yeah. 

Chris [00:25:09] I’m about 600 PQP miles away from from qualifying for platinum on United. And I’ve never qualified for platinum, but I’ve only got one more flight before the end of the year. Should I pay for the Miles accelerator to get to platinum, or is that a waste of money? 

Caller 11 [00:25:26] Do it. Just do it. 

Chris [00:25:26] It’s like $700 bucks.

Caller 11 [00:25:28] No. Just do it. 

Chris [00:25:29] I’ll make that back in first class upgrades. 

Caller 11 [00:25:30] Yeah. Oh you know what? We didn’t meet but you did a Cameo for me. That’s what it was. Yeah. You’ll make that back. You’ll make that back. 

Chris [00:25:37] Oh, I did a Cameo. I knew there was some further interaction. I knew there was some further interaction. I’m going to let you talk a little more because I just wasted 30 seconds of yours talking about my airline status. I knew there was some other connect. 

Caller 11 [00:25:48] No, it’s an important question. 

Chris [00:25:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. 

Caller 11 [00:25:50] It was an important question. I think you should just bite the bullet. As my step mom would say, sometimes you want to throw a little money at the problem. So if you can and it’s not going to hurt you, do it because it’ll be so worth it. 

Chris [00:26:01] I just. I feel like 700 bucks. I go, okay, that’s three first class upgrades. 

Caller 11 [00:26:07] I know. 

Chris [00:26:07] That’s yeah, I don’t really have it to spare. Anyway, who knows. 

Caller 11 [00:26:12] Yeah, Anyway, I don’t want to eat up too much time. You’ve got a lot of people trying to call you, so yeah, but I thank you for doing this. 

Chris [00:26:15] Yes. We have our first official moment- Our first moment where a caller was like, You’re keeping me here too long. This is getting weird. I’m out, dude. Go to the next one. Okay. 

Caller 11 [00:26:24] No, I love it. I love it. It’s not weird. I appreciate it. Happy New Year. Thank you so much for everything that do. 

Chris [00:26:30] Happy New Year to you as well. Okay. So if you’re sitting on hold, I’m trying to get to as many people as I can. You get 2 minutes when we patch you through to give me your resolution. Who knows where to go from there? You got 2 minutes. Let’s get our next caller on the line. Hello and welcome. 

Caller 12 [00:26:44] Greetings and salutations. Or should I say hello again? 

Chris [00:26:47] Hello again. Sounds like we’ve talked before. 

Caller 12 [00:26:49] We have. I can give you the world’s fastest life update and then tell you my resolution. Okay. So since we last talked, my wife came back from the Camino. We adopted our son, and then she left and moved to a different state. Left me with the kid. I left my job at a law firm. I moved, sold my house, became a firefighter, and just graduated EMT today. And now my New Year’s resolution is to eat more pickles. 

Chris [00:27:22] That is a hell of an update. 

Caller 12 [00:27:27] I know. It’s been really crazy. 

Chris [00:27:31] Damn I- how- 

Caller 12 [00:27:32] But it’s going so well now. 

Chris [00:27:33] Good. And how’s that kiddo doing? 

Caller 12 [00:27:36] He’s doing- he had a really hard time when my ex left. Of course, she was his primary caretaker. And a lot of therapy, a lot of love, a lot of really like one on one time with me. I had to leave my job at my law firm and start my own law firm so I had enough time to really care for the needs of a twice or twice abandoned child. But he is now he’s really catching up. He’s got an IEP for language to help him pick up what he lost after my ex left. But he’s doing really well now. He’s such a happy, happy kid. And you know, he’s going to carry the trauma for the rest of his life. But he is. He’s. He’s one of those kids who just like, you know, he’s kind of like the Chumba Wumba song, he gets knocked down, but then he gets up again. You’re never going to keep him down. He really just keeps moving forward. And we have a lot of stability in our life now. I have a new partner. She has kids. We have five kids total now. We’re all living together in a Brady Bunch situation. He’s doing well in school. I’m doing well. I have a new career and it’s a whole it’s a whole new world, Chris. And it’s good. Things really took a very dark turn, but then we turned it around and I’m really- we all worked really hard to make sure that everyone came out of it as best we could. And I have to say, man, Chris, you helped me out a lot. You’ve always been the voice in my ears as I work through all of this stuff. 

Chris [00:29:04] I’m happy to be there. Happy to be there for you. And I have to say. 

Caller 12 [00:29:09] Thanks for being there. 

Chris [00:29:09] Listen, there was no fat on that 2 minutes. I mean, we used the whole buffalo on that one. That was, I mean, we have to we have to get I mean, we have to move on to the next caller, but we have to talk to you about a full on follow up call, because that is an incredible. 

Caller 12 [00:29:24] I’d love to. I’d love to talk to you again. 

Chris [00:29:27] Yeah. Yeah, okay! We’ll be in touch.

Caller 12 [00:29:27] Thank you. Thank you for everything, Chris. Have a great one. 

Chris [00:29:30] Thank you. You too. Wow, we are cooking with gas. We got past callers giving us gripping updates on how things are going now. I’m starting to get lost in the madness of this. I always forget that this is harder than I anticipated it will be. In the meantime, who cares about that? How hard it is for me. Who cares? Get your get your head on straight. Get in the game, man. Of course, I didn’t even bring a glass of water up here with me. Anyway. Next caller. Welcome to the show. 2 minutes. What’s your New Year’s resolution? 

Caller 13 [00:30:02] Hi. So um I feel like you should go get a glass of water, but you can do that after these 2 minutes. Um I, I had just the suckiest year last year, so I broke my ankle just standing up to do nothing in the house. Stood up, fell over my own legs, broke my ankle, and then, like my husband two months later, fell off his bicycle, broken clavicle and got a terrible concussion. And then just in the last couple weeks, both of us have had COVID. My test just turned positive today. So it’s like I am like, sick of trying to protect myself from these dangers. I just need to bite the bullet, go out there, do some traveling. I have like a list, you know, like that Mike Baribeau song, The Name Ten Things song that’s on your playlist. It’s like I have a list of ten or 20 places I want to go before I die. I’m already 65, so I got to get going. 

Chris [00:30:59] Paul, I think it’s Paul Baribeau, right? Name Ten Things. 

Caller 13 [00:31:02] Paul Baribeau. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Chris [00:31:04] Oh, I love that you’re saying that song. Yeah, I love it. 65. Time to get out there. No time like the present. I think that’s awesome. 

Caller 13 [00:31:12] Yeah. I mean, like, if I’m going to get injured in my own living room, then what the hell? I might as well, like, you know, go to Africa. Why not? 

Chris [00:31:20] Yeah, I mean, if you’re just going to break your ankle standing up, you might as well break your ankle getting, like, trampled by an elephant or something. 

Caller 13 [00:31:27] Ha! Yes, exactly. Or falling off an elephant that I’ve been riding around in India or something. Something like that. It’s a much better story. 

Chris [00:31:36] I wish you a healthier year and a year full of adventures. We’ve got 20 seconds left. You’re welcome to use it or we can move on. Totally up to you. 

Caller 13 [00:31:45] Um, well, I would just say, like, the resolutions I made the last time that I talked to you seem to have really come to fruition nicely. So I appreciate that you make this time available for us to focus. Otherwise I’d never would do it. 

Chris [00:32:00] Oh, I’m lucky to do it. It’s the best job in the world. Thank you for calling. Let’s get our next caller on the line. 

Caller 13 [00:32:07] Okay, bye. 

Chris [00:32:08] Goodbye. I’m a I’m being told actually, what we’re going to do is we’re gonna do our next ad break. And look, I’m a pro and I like to walk the razor’s edge, so I’m not sitting here trying to say, Oh, and then we’ll pause and we’ll insert that in post. No, let’s do it right here. We’re going to take a little break, everybody. We’ve got advertisers. We’re going to cut to those advertisers. They’re going to tell you about products and services that might enrich your life. You’re going to consider using them. You’re gonna use the promo codes. It makes the show look good when you do. We’ll be right back. We’re back. We’re gonna go ahead. We’re going to get some more callers on the line. This is our annual New Year’s resolution episode. So if you’re online, you can hear me. Get ready. When you get patched through, you get 2 minutes. I’m going to try to get through as many people as I can. Let’s keep those calls rollin, baby. Hello. Welcome to the show. 

Caller 14 [00:32:56] Hey, Chris. 

Chris [00:32:57] How’s it going? 

Caller 14 [00:32:59] Going pretty good. My friend and I listen to your show. He tried calling you, and for some reason he freaked out and he disconnected the call. So he told me to call you. 

Chris [00:33:07] And you don’t listen to the show? 

Caller 14 [00:33:09] No, no, I do. I absolutely love your show. 

Chris [00:33:11] Oh, thank you. 

Caller 14 [00:33:12] So does he.

Chris [00:33:12] Oh, good. Okay, Well, I’m sorry he freaked out. 

Caller 14 [00:33:14] I didn’t call you because I have a resolution. I just called you because he told me to call you. 

Chris [00:33:17] Oh, that’s fair. Well, yeah, we don’t need to do that. We got 2 minutes. We can do whatever we want with it. 

Caller 14 [00:33:22] Yeah, (UNCLEAR)

Chris [00:33:25] Yeah. That’s great. 

Caller 14 [00:33:27] Pretty good. So I’m just an agent of chaos, I guess. 

Chris [00:33:32] I love this call. That you’re just that laid back and proclaiming yourself an agent of chaos? 

Caller 14 [00:33:41] I hope to be. So with that, Chris, we shall speak again. 

Chris [00:33:51] That’s a tease. That’s an ominous tease. I don’t have a resolution. I’m an agent of chaos. And with that, Chris, we shall speak again. It’s like the origin story of a villain. Okay, let’s get our next resolution going now that we’ve been threatened by an agent of chaos. Next caller, welcome to the show. 

Caller 15 [00:34:16] Hi, Chris. Can you hear me? 

Chris [00:34:17] I can hear you. How’s it going? 

Caller 15 [00:34:19] I am good. How are you? 

Chris [00:34:21] I’m doing great. Talking to a lot of nice people. How are you? 

Caller 15 [00:34:26] I’m doing well. I did not think I was going to be this nervous. I’ve seen you twice in Chicago in the last couple of years, so it’s exciting to talk to you on the phone and tell you about my resolution. 

Chris [00:34:38] That’s awesome. Thanks so much for coming out. I love Chicago. Chicago, I really feel like Chicago is has become like a like a second comedy home for me. People there have been so nice to me over the years. 

Caller 15 [00:34:48] Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We try. So my my New Year’s resolution this year is to take things one day at a time and be more present in the moment. I have a lot coming up and going on in my life right now. I got engaged two weeks ago. 

Chris [00:35:08] Congrats. 

Caller 15 [00:35:08] I am moving across the country with my now fiance. Thank you. And we both started new jobs this month. And I’m turning 30 next year. So there’s a lot going on. And I just really hope to be present and kind of take things one step at a time, because with all that, it can get pretty overwhelming. And, you know, in the blink of an eye, it’ll all be over. So I just want to definitely enjoy it because it’s a lot, but it’s very exciting. 

Chris [00:35:32] This is a year of milestones for you. 

Caller 15 [00:35:35] Yes. Not planned. Well, somewhat planned. But, you know, it’s it’s life. And what can you do? Sometimes it comes all at once and sometimes you get a couple of years to relax. 

Chris [00:35:46] I love it. I hope it goes well. I wish you nothing but the best in planning your marriage. I don’t know if you’re going to be married in 2023, but mazel tov if you are. And I hope everything goes great. And it’s the wedding of your dreams. 

Caller 15 [00:36:01] Thank you so much, Chris. I hope you have a great holiday and I hope you enjoy the time with your family. And thank you again. 

Chris [00:36:06] You, too. Thanks so much. All right. That one made me feel good. Welcome, caller. Your 2 minutes begins now. 

Caller 16 [00:36:13] Hey, again, Chris. We just talked about a week ago. I called in. So I hope you’ve been brushing up on Morse code. 

Chris [00:36:21] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That one. And that one hasn’t even come out yet, right? 

Caller 16 [00:36:27] Yeah, like a week ago so I don’t think so. I haven’t seen it yet. 

Chris [00:36:30] Yeah, people are going to like that one a lot. This might come out before that. And I know what you’re referencing, and no one listening does. 

Caller 16 [00:36:39] Yeah. It’s a little throwback you know? They’ll have to discover it. 

Chris [00:36:42] Or a throw forward. Like that one season of Lost where they got tricky but I figured it out before they revealed it. 

Caller 16 [00:36:48] Exactly. They won’t know that this is the flash forward until it airs and they figure it all out. 

Chris [00:36:53] Ohh. I like that. I like that. 

Caller 16 [00:36:57] Oh, yeah. I want to say, I guess my kind of for this next year is- we didn’t talk about it much on the call, but I got out of a three and a half year relationship six months ago, and I’m really kind of trying to get my head on straight and I’m finally feeling a lot better myself therapy wise. I’m excited this year to kind of just rediscover myself again a little more and move forward in my career because I’ve realized that the further I move forward, the more people that I can help, like women and people of color don’t get the same chances. So I got to not be scared to take those steps forward in my career and keep moving forward so I can make a larger impact and help others around me. 

Chris [00:37:39] I love all these things. And I feel like everybody’s listening going, Oh, what, what’s this guy- I got to hear more from this guy. And they well. If they haven’t yet, they will soon. No one will ever make you care more about lights than the person on the phone with me everybody, so just buckle up. 

Caller 16 [00:37:58] Well, thank you again for all that you do, Chris and I actually maybe we’ll get a chance to bump into you and say hi to you after one of your shows coming up next month. You’ll be in my town. 

Chris [00:38:08] Oh awesome. Can’t wait. That’s intriguing, right everybody? All right.

Caller 17 [00:38:12] Hi. Is this me? 

Chris [00:38:13] Yeah, It’s you. It’s you. What’s up? 

Caller 17 [00:38:15] Oh, God! Hey. So my New Year’s resolution is to build a five minute clown act for local variety shows. 

Chris [00:38:27] I love that. 

Caller 17 [00:38:30] Yeah. 

Chris [00:38:31] I’ve noticed. 

Caller 17 [00:38:32] I actually I left a message that said that I have, like, an inverse life, I feel like, to you like giving up comedy to pursue social work. I was a nurse for… And I kind of gave it up. 

Chris [00:38:50] Oh, boy. We’re switching lives. And now I want to know your background in clowning because clowning has been big in the comedy scene in Europe for years now. And just in the past couple of years, I’ve noticed it starting to really show up in the States where clowning is getting starting to get hip. So what’s your what’s your what’s your connection to clowning? 

Caller 17 [00:39:09] LA’s got a huge scene. 

Chris [00:39:10] I know. The Elysian Theater. A lot of it’s happening there. 

Caller 17 [00:39:13] Yeah. So Chad Damiana came through my town and did a workshop a couple of years ago, who does a ton of stuff there. And, yeah, I got hooked. 

Chris [00:39:24] Hooked on clowning. 

Caller 17 [00:39:26] Yeah. 

Chris [00:39:28] That’s pretty cool. 

Caller 17 [00:39:29] I might have to get a job, so maybe it won’t work out. 

Chris [00:39:33] Do you already have a- do you already have an instinct on what your 5 minutes is going to be? 

Caller 17 [00:39:38] I was thinking a freelance sommelier character, I don’t know if that’s going to work out. 

Chris [00:39:47] I like it. Made me chuckle. 

Caller 17 [00:39:50] Yeah, good. 

Chris [00:39:52] Good luck with it. I hope it goes great. 

Caller 17 [00:39:53] I actually have a phone interview. I have a phone interview scheduled for one minute from now. 

Chris [00:40:00] Nice. Well get the hell out of here. 

Caller 17 [00:40:02] I actually tore my rotator cuff a couple of years ago. Yeah. 

Chris [00:40:04] Yeah. That’s your 2 minutes, right there. 

Caller 17 [00:40:06] And I haven’t been working. All right. 

Chris [00:40:09] I’m sor- want to hear more but I got to play by the rules. Tore your rotator cuff. Haven’t been working. Job interview. Now you’re going to crush it. You’re going to nail it. And I can’t wait to hear how it turned out between your clowning desires and your rotator cuff recovery job prospects. But for now, I must move on to the next person, such is my burden in life. Hello, caller. Welcome to the Beautiful/ Anonymous New Year’s resolution special. 

Caller 18 [00:40:32] Oh, is this- hello? 

Chris [00:40:33] Yeah, it’s you. 

Caller 18 [00:40:34] Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, so I guess my New Year’s resolution- well, I had an insane, like an insane year, a very rough semester, like the passing of a classmate, really bad living situation and then hospitalization. So, like, in regards to all that, leaving all that behind, um I’m studying abroad in the next semester in London, so time to enjoy London. I don’t even know what’s there in London, but enjoy London and try not to study too hard. Probably hopefully not going to drink and trying not to buy too many fountain pens. I think those are like a package London plan. 

Chris [00:41:08] Trying to buy- try not to buy 20 what? 

Caller 18 [00:41:11] Too many fountain pens. 

Chris [00:41:12] Oh, too many fountain pens. Well, we have all been there. 

Caller 18 [00:41:15] Yeah, I’m a I’m a fountain pen collector. I and I’m planning on leaving most of my stuff behind just because like, luggage. But London has a lot of great shops and there’s, like a there’s like, an ink brand that I’m really excited about. Like, sorry this is very niche. Um, it’s really cheap cuz it’s based in the UK. So like here, it’s $30 for like glittery ink, and there it’s like $10 or something, you know? So I’m like trying not to go too crazy. I don’t want to bring home an entire shelf of inks that I can’t use in my lifetime. Trying to calm down. Yeah. And enjoy my time in the city I guess. 

Chris [00:41:53] Here’s what I love about this is that we go, okay, Resolution one: I had an insane year of loss, hospitalization, hospitalization, intense living circumstances. I want to leave that behind. Resolution two: I got to get me some glittery ink across the pond. I love that. 

Caller 18 [00:42:11] Right. I already have, like, a wish list, which is maybe a little maybe a little dangerous. But yeah. 

Chris [00:42:18] When you say wish list, you mean like fountain pen and ink specific wish list? 

Caller 18 [00:42:22] Yeah, it’s mostly ink, because, like I said, that ink is, like, it’s not terribly expensive here, but it’s like, a lot cheaper across the pond, as you say. And I already have all these colors picked out, which is really bad. Because I already have way too many inks. I’m a college student. (UNCLEAR) Anyway. 

Chris [00:42:38] Listen, our 2 minutes is up. I’m intrigued. I’m intrigued. I hope you don’t develop a nasty ink addiction over there and that you don’t bottom out financially through all the ink. Thank you for calling. Let’s get our next caller on the line. We’re here. 2 minutes a pop. I don’t know how long we’ve been doing this thus far, but I am I am starting to lose it. That’s not bad. Who cares? Anyway, let’s get the next caller. 

Caller 19 [00:43:02] Hey, Chris? 

Chris [00:43:03] Hey, What’s up? 

Caller 19 [00:43:04] Hey. Wow. Okay. Wow. Holy shit. Sorry, Sally. I Yeah, I. 2022 has been an insanely bad year for me and my partner. And I guess the resolution for 2023 is just like uh rebuilding and learning how to love myself. And well, to backtrack a little, I guess, we had like basically starting in January of 2022, like a big situation erupt where my partner came out about some abuse and it involves a person that like my closest friends were hanging out with and it didn’t go very well. So I lost a lot and we both lost a lot. But we’re planning a big move for this coming January and at this point in the year it’s like just kind of a big leap of faith, and we’re pretty excited, but also really scared. 

Chris [00:44:15] Wow. I hope this next year is free and clear of all of of such things. That sounds rough. That’s a rough way to start a year. 

Caller 19 [00:44:26] Yeah. Yeah, we’re hoping so, too. And we started couples counseling, which has been amazing. And like, if there’s one thing I could advocate for is, like, even if you don’t fully think it’s worth doing, it’s absolutely worth doing. We’ve only been together for about a year and a half, and it’s been doing wonders. 

Chris [00:44:49] That’s incredible. I’m glad. I hope that the I hope that the forward momentum continues in a positive way. 

Caller 19 [00:44:55] Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Um. Yeah, I guess I’ll just keep it short and sweet because I’m a little bit more nervous than I thought I was going to be. 

Chris [00:45:06] You nailed it. 

Caller 19 [00:45:07] But I really hope you and Hallie and Cal and all your your friends have a really wonderful year and just thanks for everything you do. 

Chris [00:45:17] Thanks. Same to you and yours. Thank you so much. Let’s get to our next caller here on the annual Beautiful/ Anonymous New Year’s resolution special, where we try to get as many people as we can talking for 2 minutes at a time about their hopes and desires for 2023. Hello. Welcome to the show. 

Caller 20 [00:45:32] Hey, how are you? 

Chris [00:45:33] I’m pretty good. How are you? 

Caller 20 [00:45:35] Good. Good, thank you. I can’t believe I’m on. I have a similar resolution to the previous caller. I want to continue to build what has become the best relationship of my life with somebody who continues to allow me to grow and work on myself and who helps me in in ways where where I have struggled and continued to struggle and to see that I am worth way more than I ever thought I was. And I want to keep working on that. I mean, it’s frickin incredible. 

Chris [00:46:21] Wow. 

Caller 20 [00:46:21] Um. Yeah. 

Chris [00:46:23] Well, I’m excited for you to go after that one. And that is, that is both heavy, but inspiring. 

Caller 20 [00:46:28] Thank you. Yeah, it’s a it’s something I never thought I would have after many experiences I have had in life. But looking back, and for for anyone else who’s felt like that, you know, looking back at the times where you’re like, there’s no way that things will get better, there’s no way I can see anything better than this, you know, and where I’m at and what’s the point even anymore, that, holy shit, it can get better and it can get so much better than you can ever even have imagined for yourself. And that’s I just want to keep living in that. It’s awesome. 

Chris [00:47:08] I love that. I love hearing that. I need to hear it and I love that you’re in the middle of that. That’s an empowering feeling. Thank you so much for the call. I have no idea how many people we still have sitting on the line, but I’ll get through as many as I can. Hello, caller. Welcome. I’m starting to lose it a little bit, but that’s okay. You’re going to get me through it. What will the next 2 minutes be? Welcome to the show. 

Caller 21 [00:47:32] Yo, Chris Gethard!

Chris [00:47:35] Hi. 

Caller 21 [00:47:37] Hi. I’m so excited to talk to you. 

Chris [00:47:39] I’m excited to talk to you. 

Caller 21 [00:47:42] I just want to say before I tell you my resolution, my husband and I went to your show in Durham a couple of weeks ago. 

Chris [00:47:49] That was such a fun show. 

Caller 21 [00:47:52] It was great. And also, like, I didn’t expect to both laugh and cry during a stand up and I really appreciated it. 

Chris [00:48:01] Boom. You hear that, everybody? You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You’ll come to appreciate it. We got Atlanta and Athens coming up in January. We got Bozeman and Missoula, Montana in February. ChrisGeth.com for tickets. Thank you for allowing me a cheap plug there, caller. You set it up nicely. 

Caller 21 [00:48:20] Yeah, man, it was a really great, a really good experience. And we’ll come back and see you again. 

Chris [00:48:25] That’s so nice. Thank you so much.

Caller 21 [00:48:26] So my resolution is really I don’t have like a full resolution. It’s just to be more, like, holistically healthy in every decision that I make because I feel like the, you know, I’m going to try and eat better this year. I’m going to try and work out more this year. That kind of stuff never seems to work. So going to try a holistic approach because I feel like I’m in a good place to like, actually care about myself. 

Chris [00:48:56] I love that. That sounds incredible. 

Caller 21 [00:49:00] Now let’s hope it works. 

Chris [00:49:02] I have a feeling it will. I believe in you, caller. I believe in you. 

Caller 21 [00:49:06] Well, thanks, buddy. It’s been so nice to talk to you. 

Chris [00:49:09] Likewise. Have a great year, and I hope it goes well. And thank you again for coming to my shows. Who do we have next? Welcome to the show. 

Caller 22 [00:49:18] Hello?

Chris [00:49:19] Hi. 

Caller 22 [00:49:20] Oh, my goodness. It doesn’t really notify you very well. I just heard a quiet beep while I was working. 

Chris [00:49:25] You just get tossed in. 

Caller 22 [00:49:26] So I didn’t realize it was me. 

Chris [00:49:27] Yeah. 

Caller 22 [00:49:28] Well, I am going to start. I have to shout out to my friend Jen. I promised her that I would do that if I got through. 

Chris [00:49:34] Shout out to Jen. 

Caller 22 [00:49:35]  Starting with that. Unrelated to New Year’s. 

Chris [00:49:37] Awesome. 

Caller 22 [00:49:39] So kind of similar to another caller who’s got a lot of changes coming up, I just started a had a big career change this year from health care to health tech and have a great job that I’m unfortunately going to have to give up next year. I have a I’m due with my second kid in April. 

Chris [00:50:00] Congratulations. 

Caller 22 [00:50:00] My husband will be leaving for a couple months. Thank you. He’ll be leaving for a couple of months right after that for some training. And then we are moving to Germany next July. So I have a lot of things going on and. Hoping to win that. Remember to take things day by day because things are just going to be chaotic and really just focus on getting through each moment and remembering how quickly it goes. I’m sure, you know, with your kid, like time flies, it isn’t crazy how fast everything moves in with a kids. So I know that there will be a day where I miss my babies being babies, but for a few months I’m probably going to be going a little crazy. So hoping to take care of myself and just kind of be present and get through each day. 

Chris [00:50:48] That’s a hell of a list of transitions, and I’m glad you’ve got a plan and that you’re organized because this sounds like a massive year of transition for you. So I hope it I hope it goes great. 

Caller 22 [00:50:58] Thank you. Yeah, mostly ignoring it for now cuz it doesn’t feel real yet. So we’ll see how, you know, come next April, how I’m doing. 

Chris [00:51:06] Well, I wish you a very healthy delivery, healthy baby, and enjoy Germany. Going to go ahead, reset the timer, get our next caller on the line. Let’s go. Hello? You’re on the line. 

Caller 23 [00:51:21] Hello? 

Chris [00:51:21] Hi. 

Caller 23 [00:51:22] Hey. So I’m super excited that I’m on this. I just tore my knee and my hip and I had to run into Boscoffs to get my mom’s car keys before the phone died cuz it was at one percent. So I’m super excited. 

Chris [00:51:36] Oh, nice. 

Caller 23 [00:51:37] So that being said- Yeah, so that being said, my goal for the new year is to get into remission from my Lyme disease and to stop injuring myself, because I’ve done that quite a bit. Yeah. 

Chris [00:51:53] Well, I’ll tell you, Lyme disease is more serious than people realize. I’m sorry that you’ve been dealing with it. I hope the remission goes well, and I don’t know why you’re out here injuring yourself all the time, but I certainly hope that that stops too. 

Caller 23 [00:52:06] Yeah, me too. In 29, I’ve been struggling with Lyme disease probably since I was 16. I’m about 29 now, and I went to a retreat hosted by the Tick chicks, great name, in October. And I got all these tips, so I’m hoping to implement what I used in order to, like, heal myself. And then I just keep hitting myself, like I just keep hitting into things. Like I got a concussion from brushing my teeth. And then it lingers for like a long time. Yeah, I’m a mess, but it’s okay. I hope to not be a mess next year. 

Chris [00:52:41] I have to ask, how does one get a concussion brushing their teeth? 

Caller 23 [00:52:45] Yeah. So I hit my head on the like I had a glass medicine cabinet and I just slammed my head on there, and, like, I had post-concussion syndrome for, like, a year and a half from that, so. So, yeah. 

Chris [00:52:59] I hope I really hope that for you in the new year that that doesn’t happen again. I really don’t want that to happen to anybody, actually. 

Caller 23 [00:53:06] Yeah. No, it’s. 

Chris [00:53:08] Okay. I think your 1% just bottomed out, but we got a great call out of it before we did. So I think you’ll be happy when you hear it some day. In the meantime, let’s go to our next caller. I’m starting to feel real weird, but that’s okay. Hello. Welcome to the show. 

Caller 24 [00:53:24] Oh, hello. 

Chris [00:53:25] Hey, how’s it going? 

Caller 24 [00:53:27] It’s going. It’s going good. Uh huh. I, I, I’m glad. I’m glad I got on. I actually, I actually used to call into your Planet Scum streams. 

Chris [00:53:36] Oh, nice. 

Caller 24 [00:53:37] So I’m glad. I’m. But but, uh, but, yeah, uh, I, I guess as far as a New Year’s resolution. Well. Well, I am. I’m currently in community college. I’m 20 years old. I’m living with my parents. And I think. I think this year. Just in general I just want to kind of figure my shit out. Like. I have no idea. I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. Which is fine. But and it’s like, it’s probably not going to happen overnight. But I want to I want to probably take more steps into, like, having some sort of path, something I can, like, work towards, because I don’t really have that right now. 

Chris [00:54:24] Yeah. I think you’re going to get there. 

Caller 24 [00:54:25] I think that’s the big thing. 

Chris [00:54:27] I think you’re going to get there. I think just saying that out loud. 

Caller 24 [00:54:30] Thank you. 

Chris [00:54:30] Gets the ball rolling in a way that’s going to work out well. 

Caller 24 [00:54:34] Thank you. And you know, I think I’m more I’m talking with my parents. I think right now we’re starting to make the steps towards making the steps towards that. 

Chris [00:54:42] So you’re making the steps towards making the steps. 

Caller 24 [00:54:43] But it’s hard. I mean, I have I think so. I can be very slow with this kind of thing. I also I also have ADHD and I’ve I’ve been a part of it I think it’s been a lot of years of trying to exactly figure out how to deal with that. Like, for a lot of my life, we didn’t know I had ADHD, even though it’s very obvious in retrospect. So. But but, but, but. Yeah, we’re figure figuring it out I guess. 

Chris [00:55:11] Okay. All right. Well, we’ve got 10 seconds left. Any closing words here as we as we round things out at Beautiful/ Anonymous? 

Caller 24 [00:55:18] 10 seconds left? Uh. 

Chris [00:55:20] It’s down to zero. 

Caller 24 [00:55:20] No! 

Chris [00:55:22] Perfect. Okay, great. Thank you for calling. Gonna reset the clock, we’re going to get to our next caller. Hello and welcome to the show. 

Caller 25 [00:55:29] Hi. I can’t believe I’m actually on. So I’m just gonna rattle off a few real quick. Uh. I guess the number one one would be to finally actually get through on a regular call. And then I really want to feel hot again. And I know that sounds really silly and vain, but I had a baby in January and long story short, I had to have a hysterectomy at 25 and, you know, lost a lot of blood, all that sort of fun stuff. And just want to feel good in my own skin. 

Chris [00:56:05] You know what? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you want to feel hot, especially if your body’s been through some traumatic stuff. You might go like, Oh, I know it feels a little silly or shallow to say the word hot, but if hot is a shorthand for like, my body’s been through some trauma and I want to take control back and feel good, there’s nothing to worry about there. 

Caller 25 [00:56:25] Yeah. And then like second to that and kind of in the same vein is I want to let go of like, a bunch of resentments and anger and all this stuff that I’ve got surrounding it. You know, I’m not- I don’t make so little that I can do therapy on a sliding scale, and I don’t make enough that I can do therapy without insurance. And nobody in my area takes insurance. So it’s working through a bunch of things by myself. 

Chris [00:56:49] American health care. American health care. 

Caller 25 [00:56:53] Yeah. 

Chris [00:56:54] That’s a bummer. 

Caller 25 [00:56:54] It’s so fun, isn’t it? 

Chris [00:56:56] Well, I’m sorry that you went through everything that you went through. And it sounds really scary, actually. 

Caller 25 [00:57:03] Well, it was. You know, it’s a little disappointing when, you know, you have your first kid. And I don’t necessarily think that I wanted another one, but I don’t really have- I mean, I don’t have a choice now, you know, just one. And he’s amazing. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. But it’s just uh it sucks to have like your autonomy and your choices taken away from you. 

Chris [00:57:24] Yeah. Big time. Big time. Well, I hope we get to talk some day for a full hour about it, because I have a feeling there’s other people out there who have been through their version of it. And I have a feeling that me and you talking, sorting things out might might help some people out there. 

Caller 25 [00:57:40] I appreciate you having this phone call. And I’m glad I finally got through to something. 

Chris [00:57:45] Yeah, Yeah. Let’s make it happen. Let’s make it happen for a full hour some day. Want to hear more. I want to be able to have your back. In the meantime, got to move on. 

Caller 26 [00:57:54] Hello. 

Chris [00:57:55] Hi. 

Caller 26 [00:57:56] So I’ve got a couple of resolutions. One of them is actually related to I spoke to you last year on blacking out and making money. 

Chris [00:58:02] Okay. Hi. How are ya? 

Caller 26 [00:58:04] I am. I’m all right. I’ve never really got the hang of the whole, like, not drinking thing, but I’m going to try to continue to make better decisions around where I drink, how much I drink. It’s been a better year for that. But I also want to apologize less and do more for myself and kind of take the advice that I give my friends because it’s one of those like if I did I’d probably be in a much better position. Just last night, I had to walk one of my friends home because she was sitting down on the sidewalk behind our bar. So you know, seen a lot of where it could have gone. Where it has gone for me. 

Chris [00:58:45] Yeah. Yeah. Apologize less is- whoa, what just happened? You okay? 

Caller 26 [00:58:53] I’m at work. I’m dumping oil into the fryer. 

Chris [00:58:58] I. I love that. I love that you just got out a minute of resolutions and that dumped some hot oil. I love that. 

Caller 26 [00:59:07] The, the apology thing is, actually, I had this scenario play out in my head where I swore on the line and then said, Sorry Sally, and I’m at work and we have an apology bucket for apologies that like, if you apologize and you didn’t draw blood, you owe a dollar. 

Chris [00:59:21] Oh, wow. Wow. So it’s almost more of an anti-apology bucket. 

Caller 26 [00:59:28] Exactly. Yeah. 

Chris [00:59:30] Wow. That’s cool. All right. 

Caller 26 [00:59:34] It’s a really over apologetic bunch, though, so I feel like it was for the best. 

Chris [00:59:37] No more. No more of that over apologetic nonsense. We’re done with that here. Me and you both, we’re done with that. 

Caller 26 [00:59:44] Who can afford it?

Chris [00:59:45] Not me. Not me. I don’t have extra money for that bucket. I refuse to apologize. And I’m starting. I’m starting to really crap out. But that’s okay. I can handle it. Let’s do it. Who’s next? 

Caller 27 [00:59:56] Hey Chris, you’re definitely not crapping out. You never crap out on my- on my occasion. 

Chris [01:00:01]  Okay. 

Caller 27 [01:00:01] So don’t think it’s all it’s all- well, hey, so it’s my second time through for the New Year’s resolutions. I appreciate this, but my new resolution is I so I’m a big puzzler, as in I’ve done a lot of puzzles over the years, and I have a giant puzzle that I am working on. And when I say a giant puzzle, I mean I’ve been working on a puzzle that is 18,000 pieces. 

Chris [01:00:37] I love this. I love this because, look, it’s not a pissing contest, but there’s some people out here are like, I got to get my life together. I got to stop apologizing. I got to be a better partner. I got to get over past traumas and then some people who are just like, I got an 18,000 piece puzzle. I’m I plan on wrecking that. 

Caller 27 [01:00:57] I like I mean, it covers my entire bottom floor. It’s so cool. And it’s a pretty rad puzzle. And I keep it, it’s um, you know, like all of us, we have a lot of anxieties and this one thing, just it’s one of my things that comes my anxieties every night. So I’m trying to bust out. I probably have about like 5000 more pieces left to put together. 

Chris [01:01:22] Now and when we uh you’re veteran puzzler. When we’re talking 18,000 pieces, how many hours do you think that probably takes you, all told?

Caller 27 [01:01:35] Total? Probably- if you measure it days, it’s probably like a measure in days of hours, hours and days. So it’s going to be like probably about two weeks in ours. So think about it that way. 

Chris [01:01:49] Wow. Two weeks of your life gone to setting up this giant ass puzzle. 

Caller 27 [01:01:53] Yes, yes, yes, yes. A giant ass puzzle that people look at me like I’m nuts, but nuts and puzzling, I’m okay with it. 

Chris [01:02:03] Now, our 2 minutes is up. But I do have to ask, you know, when you have a puzzle that big, it’s not like you can keep it out once you’re done with it. So do you then have to break it down? 

Caller 27 [01:02:11] Oh, it is I’m going to take- yes. So I take a snapshot of it. I’m like, okay. And then I go on to my next puzzle. 

Chris [01:02:17] Damn, that is badass. That was a great 2 minutes. Thank you so much. 

Caller 27 [01:02:21] Thanks, Chris.

Chris [01:02:22] Let’s move on to our next caller here on the Beautiful/ Anonymous New Year’s resolution special. Hello?

Caller 28 [01:02:27] Hang a left.

Chris [01:02:28] What’s up? Hang a left. Who’s hanging a left? 

Caller 28 [01:02:31] Sorry, Chris. I was at work. 

Chris [01:02:32] That’s okay. 

Caller 28 [01:02:33]  I actually have a very weird situation for you. Weird resolution. I have just today actually escaped a very terrible and very semi abusive relationship. So I guess my new resolution is to stop getting involved in stuff like that. That’s the second time I’ve had to escape a abusive relationship. 

Chris [01:03:00] Wow. And you said just today? Just today, you ended it? 

Caller 28 [01:03:04] Just this morning. This morning, at 6am. I packed up all my stuff and left. 

Chris [01:03:08] Congrats. I’m glad you got out of there. 

Caller 28 [01:03:10] Thank you. Thank you. I came to work. I dropped my stuff off. You know, going through the rollercoaster that that is. But, you know, it kind of sucks that this is the second time I’ve had to do something like this, but. 

Chris [01:03:23] Sure. I mean, I hope that you break that cycle. I hope you fall into a relationship in the coming months, years, whatever it takes that feels healthy and above board and like the opposite of all these things. 

Caller 28 [01:03:36] Can I say one quick thing? Thank you, honestly, for your very kind words. I did tweet at like 8:00 this morning, and I quote, At least I have a really good story for Beautiful/ Anonymous. 

Chris [01:03:49] Boom. 

Caller 28 [01:03:50] Swear on my life. Very, very weird. 

Chris [01:03:53] Now we get this two minute preview right here. 

Caller 28 [01:03:56] Yeah. Yeah. I’m- the story of both of them is very crazy. And I would I look forward to hopefully sharing it with the audience in full on a call at some point, but that’s all I got. 

Chris [01:04:08] Yeah. Great. You call back someday, you share the whole thing. I wish you nothing but the best. Keep hanging a left. Keep hanging a left in the in life and end in love. Okay. Thank you so much for calling. I’m starting to feel physically strange and fatigued. We’re going to keep it rolling. Let’s get the next caller going here on the Beautiful Anonymous New Year’s resolution special. 

Caller 29 [01:04:30] Hi. Hi. How’s it going, Chris? 

Chris [01:04:32] It’s okay. How are you? 

Caller 29 [01:04:34] I’m doing good. So basically, it’s been a wild ride. It’s been a traumatic ass year, but we’re not going to go into personal details because I only have 2 minutes. The only thing I need more of in my life is more human fish and more vacations. Jason, when are we going to deliver? 

Chris [01:04:55] Well, these are references to the Chris Gethard show, which I’ll remind you was canceled in 2018. Coming up on half a decade that it’s been gone. 

Caller 29 [01:05:03] (LAUGHING) I love you so much, Chris. Longtime listener. Been listening forever. Bye. 

Chris [01:05:15] Thank you so much. It’s starting to feel really trippy. Now I’m starting to feel a little bit like I’m hallucinating with that one. Okay. Next caller. Hello. How you doing? 

Caller 30 [01:05:29] Hey, Chris.

Chris [01:05:30] Hi. 

Caller 30 [01:05:31] Good. I would like to this year have more fun. When I get depressed and whatever, I just like, forget all about all the things that I enjoy and make me happy, including listening to your podcast. I don’t think I’ve done that in a solid two years. So sorry about that viewership down. But I would really just like to treat myself better and have more fun. 

Chris [01:06:02] I tell you, one thing you can do to have more fun is start listening to Beautiful/ Anonymous again. It’s a very fun show. 

Caller 30 [01:06:08] Yes. As a historically very fun laugh riot of a show. 

Chris [01:06:16] Touché. Touché. I do wish you well in your quest to have more fun. I feel the same thing. I feel like I have a life that has an opportunity to be a lot more fun just with the things I have happening now. But I let the anxiety sometimes become a roadblock to fun. So I’m with you. I feel very similar about my life. 

Caller 30 [01:06:37] I feel that. 

Chris [01:06:40] If I could just. 

Caller 30 [01:06:40] We can do it. More fun. 2023. 

Chris [01:06:43] Let’s just get out of our own way on this and let the fun come to us a little bit more. Me and you, huh? 

Caller 30 [01:06:48] All right. Take care, Chris. 

Chris [01:06:51] You, too. And again, I’m telling you, if you need a sunshiny day, the notorious laugh riot that is Beautiful/ Anonymous will always be here waiting for you. Well done. 

Caller 30 [01:07:01] I appreciate you. 

Chris [01:07:02] Well done. I appreciate you too. Thank you for calling. Let’s get to our next caller here on the New Year’s resolution stunt spectacular. Welcome to the show. Your 2 minutes begins now. 

Caller 31 [01:07:13] Hi. First time, long time. And Chris, I would like to say that you have been a huge inspiration that led to a lot of fun success and you are an awesome human being. My New Year’s resolution is to be as self-sufficient as possible. Over the year since COVID hit, I’ve become a homesteader, so the goal is to go to the grocery store as little as possible. 

Chris [01:07:41] Homesteader, meaning what? Like farming and foraging and stuff? 

Caller 31 [01:07:44] Yeah, we we live on less than a quarter of an acre in a neighborhood, and I have basically terraformed our entire outdoors into a tiny little farm. And the first year we reached about 60% self-sufficiency. But then this last summer, barely 10%. It was not a great growing season. 

Chris [01:08:08] Wow. I mean, I find that fascinating that on a relatively small amount of land you can grow 60% of the food you ate last year? 

Caller 31 [01:08:21] Yeah. I had a very lucrative year. Yeah, we have hydroponics, vertical gardening, all of that good stuff. I have two chickens, so unlimited eggs. That’s kind of nice. 

Chris [01:08:33] Wow. Really crushing it. 

Caller 31 [01:08:38] Yeah. My significant other is immunocompromised, so we have basically been quarantined since day one. 

Chris [01:08:45] Wow. 

Caller 31 [01:08:46] So I have I had to quit my career of comedy, producing comedy. We were doing two or three events a week, and I just didn’t feel comfortable being in a crowded bar with a whole bunch of people in a fairly conservative area. 

Chris [01:09:00] You and me. You and me both. Can’t trust these- yeah, it’s, it’s tough to know when it’s time to get back out there. I hear you. 

Caller 31 [01:09:09] Yeah, it was a huge pivot, but it seems to be worth it. So my New Year’s resolution is to stick to it. 

Chris [01:09:15] Well, that was a truly fascinating addition to the call. I wish you luck and an increased self-sufficiency in 2023. That’s cool. I hear we only have a few calls left. We might get through every call on the line this year. Who knows? Let’s go. Beautiful/ Anonymous. Welcome to the show. It’s our New Year’s resolution special. Your 2 minutes begins now. 

Caller 32 [01:09:37] Hey. 

Chris [01:09:37] Hi. 

Caller 32 [01:09:38] Hi. How are you? 

Chris [01:09:39] I’m good. I’m bouncing back. I’m catching my second wind. Yeah, Yeah. 

Caller 32 [01:09:44] Oh, great. So my first resolution is I just want to set a daily routine, like make sure I wake up on time and maybe not stay up so late because while I work from home and my job doesn’t care, I probably shouldn’t stay in bed until 8:30 when I should be logged on at eight. So I’m going to work on that. 

Chris [01:10:08] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. 

Caller 32 [01:10:11] And I want to stop living for the weekend because I work 9 to 5. So all I ever do is just wait for the weekend to come. And then I’ve got two days where I try to cram all this weird stuff in. But like, who says you can’t go out with your friends for a dinner during the week? You know? 

Chris [01:10:27] Yeah. Make those weekdays. 

Caller 32 [01:10:30] And I work (UNCLEAR). 

Chris [01:10:30] A little bit- you claim claim some ownership back on 5/7 of your life. I like that. 

Caller 32 [01:10:36] Right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. 

Chris [01:10:39] I like that. 

Caller 32 [01:10:40] That’s the plan. 

Chris [01:10:41] I think that’s great. And now the idea, though, that you’re going to start going out on weeknights, but also start waking up a little earlier, those do sound slightly contradictory. 

Caller 32 [01:10:51] No, no, no. Let’s be clear. I’m talking like like an old person, right? I mean, like going to Olive Garden for dinner with my friends at like six. I’m not talking about, like, going out out. 

Chris [01:11:02] So your New Year’s resolution is. 

Caller 32 [01:11:05] Big difference. 

Chris [01:11:05] Wake up earlier, hit up Olive Garden. 

Caller 32 [01:11:08] Yeah, exactly. Exactly. 

Chris [01:11:10] I’m gonna tell you, I think it’s doable. You got this. I believe in you. 

Caller 32 [01:11:16] Thank you. Thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate that. 

Chris [01:11:19] Yeah. Yeah. All right. Happy New Year. Okay, let’s get our next caller on the line. This is going swimmingly well. I think we only got a couple left. Beautiful/ Anonymous New Year special. Welcome to the show. 

Caller 33 [01:11:32] Merry Christmas and happy New Year. 

Chris [01:11:34] Hey! Happy holidays to you, too. 

Caller 33 [01:11:38] First before I get to my New Year’s resolution, I was having a nap and then I just, like, woke up, looked at my phone and saw your tweet. So it just feels kind of like fate. 

Chris [01:11:49] Boom.Almost like it’s an extension of your dream. 

Caller 33 [01:11:52] Yeah, it was like I woke up kind of like, kind of, like foggy. And I was like, Really? And then I heard that I was, like, in the queue, and I got really excited. 

Chris [01:12:03] Nice. I’m glad you’re here. 

Caller 33 [01:12:06] Yeah, me too. So my New Year’s resolution, instead of like, a goal, what I like to do is I like to pick like a word and I try to like, do things that inspire me based on that word. And for 2023, I’d like to, I’m using the word new. I just moved into a new apartment. I just started my thirties. So it’s a new decade, so I’d really like to try for new experiences. I want to try going to a boxing gym and I just want to, you know, I want to want to live my life. 

Chris [01:12:43] I love that. Live my life. 

Caller 33 [01:12:45] Thank you. 

Chris [01:12:46] I hope the boxing gym goes great. I hope I get really into boxing. And then I hope that you find out that you’re innately talented at it and you can wreck shop. 

Caller 33 [01:12:56] Honestly, sometimes I just want to hit things and I want someone to teach me how to do it properly so I don’t hurt myself. 

Chris [01:13:02] Yeah. You don’t want to throw out your rotator cuff like that guy who called, like 14 calls back. 

Caller 33 [01:13:08] No, no, no, no. Like, when I was in high school, I accidentally kicked a ball wrong and absolutely wrecked my knee, and I had a knee injury that was undiagnosed for seven years. 

Chris [01:13:21] Yeah, we don’t want to repeat that. Okay. Okay. Great call. Thank you so much. Happy New Year. No pressure, but I’ve been told that this next caller is the final call in the queue right now. And if we have a little lull, then what we’re going to do is we’re going to finish it off and get on out here before that thing starts lighting up again. Although if it does light up again in the next 2 minutes, we’ll take more. You know me, I’m out here trying to spread the spread, the joy, everybody. In the meantime, though, this, I think, is our final call of the year for our New Years special. Hello, caller. 

Caller 34 [01:13:51] Hello? 

Chris [01:13:53] Hi. How’s it going? 

Caller 34 [01:13:54] Hi. Ah, it’s going great. Well Merry Christmas. Well, okay first of all, my New Year’s resolution is I’m applying to graduate school for music performance, and I need to practice my scales more. (UNCLEAR)

Chris [01:14:13] What do you play? 

Caller 34 [01:14:14] Oh, my gosh. I play double bass. 

Chris [01:14:17] Oh, that’s cool. 

Caller 34 [01:14:18] The really big cello. 

Chris [01:14:20] Yeah, I know. 

Caller 34 [01:14:21] Can I do something a little special for you since if I’m the last caller at the moment? 

Chris [01:14:26] I would love that. 

Caller 34 [01:14:26]  I just I’m practicing piano, which I don’t play very well, but I need to graduate for my undergrad, and I could play a little Christmas carol. Just like We Wish You a Merry Christmas, if you’d like. I’m not very good at piano. I don’t play, but I’m practicing, so. 

Chris [01:14:42] Yeah. 

Caller 34 [01:14:43] I could try. 

Chris [01:14:43] Who would say no to that? 

Caller 34 [01:14:45] Okay. 

Chris [01:14:46] All right. 

Caller 34 [01:14:48] Well, yeah, a little, little sing along. Okay. (PLAYS PIANO) Well, I- see? I guess I need to practice a bit more, but that’s my resolution. 

Chris [01:15:28] You did your best. You crushed it. How are they- 

Caller 34 [01:15:33] Thank you. 

Chris [01:15:33] I feel like they’re absolutely, I mean, grad school is going to go great based on what I just heard. 

Caller 34 [01:15:39] Thank you very much. But luckily, I’m not going for piano. 

Chris [01:15:42] You know, I played a big I played stand up bass for a while when I was in school. 

Caller 34 [01:15:47] Oh, did you really? 

Chris [01:15:48] Well, I played cello for ten years. Ten or 11 years. 

Caller 34 [01:15:51] Oh, yeah, that’s true. I love playing cello. 

Chris [01:15:55] Yeah. And I switched to the big bass for a while, but… It didn’t. It didn’t stick. 

Caller 34 [01:16:01] Well. I’m hoping to call back in March, and you can help me pick which grad school to go to. 

Chris [01:16:06] I would love that. You go get into a bunch of grad schools and then I’ll tell you which one to go to. That would be a great call. And I love it. What a great resolution. What a great resolution. What a great final call. What a great year of calls. What a great year we had. Everybody, we’re entering 2023. And I just have to thank everybody for listening this year. Closing in on six years. For everybody who’s been listening, I really think we went on a hot streak of calls this year. I have to thank everybody who has helped make the show, Anita and Jared and Andrea and a lot of other people who worked on the show throughout the year. And of course, ShellShag for contributing music and every single caller. And I’m feeling great about Beautiful/ Anonymous. It’s my favorite thing. I want to do it forever. And hopefully everybody who’s been listening will rally around it, continue to support. Hopefully everybody who called in today and went, I haven’t listened in a couple of years. I have a lot to catch up on. It’s time to catch up, get back on board cuz we’re crushing it out here. Okay? And if you want to know more about me, including those tour dates, when I’m going to be out on the road, ChrisGeth.com. Wherever you’re listening, hit subscribe, favorite, follow. It helps us so much when you do. You can find our latest merch at podswag.com. If you want your episodes of Beautiful/Anonymous without any ads at all, think about signing up for Stitcher Premium. You get a one month free trial if you use the code “stories” at Stitcher.com/premium.