EP. 218 — Sasheer Says “Free Those Titties!”

Nicole [00:00:00] You know what? It’s very important for children to have the educational support that they need to keep up, you know, the standards of their grades and stuff. If you’re a parent and you want to be doing everything you can to set your child up for success in life, you got to make sure to check out IXL. IXL as an online learning program for kids. Use it on your computer, phone, or tablet. IXL covers math, language arts, science, and social studies through interactive practice problems from pre-K to 12th grade. IXL even has skill plans for specific textbooks. You’ll save so much money, too. Memberships start at only $9.95 a month. With the school year ramping up, now is the time to get IXL. Our listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com/bestfriends. Visit ixl.com/bestfriends to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

Realtor [00:01:01] Sergeant and Mr. Smith, you’re going to love this house.

Woman [00:01:05] Bunk beds in a closet?

USAA [00:01:07] There’s no field manual for finding the right home. But when you do, USAA homeowner’s insurance can help protect it the right way. Restrictions apply.

Nicole [00:01:27] You can dirty talk anything. “I was driving down the street, and the road was so smooth. Anything. Give me another one.

Jordan [00:01:38] Pineapples.

Nicole [00:01:40] “Ohhh. It was in a Whole Foods. And I went to the produce section. And I saw pineapple. So, I paid for it with cash. I took it home and cut it up. It was juicy.”

Sasheer [00:01:56] Stationery.

Nicole [00:01:58] “Oh. I love paper. So smooth. Envelopes–you just lick them closed.

Sasheer [00:02:12] Yeah.

Jordan [00:02:13] I think we should leave this in the episode.

Nicole [00:02:20] Should we start?

Sasheer [00:02:21] Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:23] H.E.L.L.O. Hellooo!

Sasheer [00:02:26] Ooh, that was good. Nice slide.

Nicole [00:02:30] Thank you. She’s learning!

Sasheer [00:02:33] I love it. Hello. H.E.L.L.O. to you as well.

Nicole [00:02:40] Thank you so much. I will say, with singing, the thing that’s been really, really hard is when other music comes in–when it’s not just the note you’re singing. Do you know what I mean? Like, when it’s arranged?

Sasheer [00:02:55] Yeah. Yeah. And you’re hearing other notes because you’re like, “Should I go to that one?”

Nicole [00:03:00] Yeah, it’s tough. Singers–they’re pretty talented.

Sasheer [00:03:07] Who knew?

Nicole [00:03:09] That’s my takeaway from all that. Singers? Talented.

Sasheer [00:03:11] Talented. Damn.

Nicole [00:03:17] Yeah. Yeah. What’s new with you?

Sasheer [00:03:20] Nothing much. Truly nothing much. No work is happening.

Nicole [00:03:31] Oh, really? I’m working a ton.

Sasheer [00:03:34] What? For real?

Nicole [00:03:36] No, I’m not working on anything. There is a strike. There’s a strike! S.T.R.I.K.E. Strike, strike, strikes, strike, strike, strike, strike! It’s been hot here in LA. It was, like, 93 degrees when I got in my car.

Sasheer [00:03:58] Ooh, boy. That’s bad.

Nicole [00:04:00] It was very bad. And people are like… Okay, the small talk right now is: “Boy, it’s hot outside.” And I don’t like that kind of small talk because duh. Duh, it’s fucking hot. What are we doing? It really gets me going.

Sasheer [00:04:19] I saw a man ride a motorcycle and parked it right in front of the store I was in. And he came in, and he was like, “Oh. Really hot out there.” Wiping sweat all over his body. And I was like, “Why did you choose to ride your motorcycle?”

Nicole [00:04:35] Yeah. “You’re wearing a helmet.”

Sasheer [00:04:39] “You’re just in, like, direct heat. Get inside of a vehicle, sir.”

Nicole [00:04:44] What a loser.

Sasheer [00:04:45] Yeah. I wouldn’t want to be someone who wants to look so cool all the time that they’re like, “I’m risking a heatstroke. I have to get on this motorcycle.”

Nicole [00:05:01] I mean, if you want to be even cooler, go down to Arizona where there’s no helmet laws. And then you don’t have to wear a hot, stinky helmet. You just raw dog it.

Sasheer [00:05:12] Ew.

Nicole [00:05:13] Isn’t that scary?

Sasheer [00:05:15] That’s scary.

Nicole [00:05:17] Arizona. Lax laws. That’s why all U-Hauls have Arizona license plates. The, like, insurance and driving policies or whatever down there are, like, more lax. I might be making that up, but I don’t think I am.

Sasheer [00:05:37] Sounds right to me.

Nicole [00:05:42] I don’t know why I know that. I’m filled with such dumb knowledge that has not helped me in my day to day.

Sasheer [00:05:48] Have you taken your motorcycle out anywhere?

Nicole [00:05:53] Not since I fell in 2020, so it’s been a solid three years since I’ve ridden it. I would have to get either a new battery or have someone start it for me. But I’m thinking about just selling it. I don’t know if I’m going to ever ride it again. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take another motorcycle riding class, and if I feel inspired to ride again, I’m going to keep it. And if I’m like, “You know, that’s a wrap on two wheels,” then I’ll sell it.

Sasheer [00:06:24] That’s smart. When you did initially buy it, where did you think you were going to drive it? on the freeway? Like, to work and stuff?

Nicole [00:06:32] Yeah, everywhere. I thought I was going to drive it everywhere. I dislocated my ankle, and then life just got away from me to take another class. I was just really busy because the classes are on the weekends, so if I’m working five days a week, I’m not waking up at 8:00 a.m. to go to a motorcycle class.

Sasheer [00:06:52] She’s tired!

Nicole [00:06:52] And then when I’m working, technically, I can’t really do that because I can’t get injured.

Sasheer [00:06:59] Yes, this is true. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:04] And that’s the real struggle for me. Do I ride a motorcycle and maybe get injured and have my insurance go up and people don’t want to insure me because I ride a hog?

Sasheer [00:07:19] Yeah. Although people get injured doing anything. I know a guy who dislocated his shoulder from running because he fell… From running.

Nicole [00:07:28] I dislocated my ankle walking down my stairs.

Sasheer [00:07:34] Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:35] Shaking my dang head. It’ll be your own house sometimes. Lord.

Sasheer [00:07:41] “Lord.”

Nicole [00:07:46] “Oh, Lord.” I’ve been so nice to my house. I couldn’t believe it tossed me down the stairs.

Sasheer [00:07:50] Yeah, That’s really rude honestly.

Nicole [00:07:52] It is rude. And I’ll never forget John Milhiser heard the biggest thud of his life, saw me on the floor, and said, “Did you fall?”

Sasheer [00:07:59] “No. I just slowly lowered myself to the ground like this. I just like it down here.”

Nicole [00:08:10] More pain and angrier than that moment. I was like, “What do you mean?”

Sasheer [00:08:14] Oh no.

Nicole [00:08:16] But honestly, thank God he was there because I didn’t know where my phone was. If I fall in my house now, I’m alone. “Find me later!”

Sasheer [00:08:23] You need a Life Alert.

Nicole [00:08:27] Oh my God. Do I?

Sasheer [00:08:31] They need, like, cool looking life alerts.

Nicole [00:08:34] Yeah, like, a bedazzled one. What is it? It’s a necklace?

Sasheer [00:08:39] I do believe it’s a necklace. Yeah. But I guess your Apple Watch can be, like, a life alert if you wear it.

Nicole [00:08:47] That thing’s never charged. It sits in a little dish.

Sasheer [00:08:55] I actually don’t know how Life Alert works. What is it connected to?

Nicole [00:09:00] 9-1-1.

Sasheer [00:09:02] It goes directly to 9-1-1?

Nicole [00:09:03] I think so. Uch. It’s a gross-looking necklace.

Sasheer [00:09:08] Yeah, it’s just, like, white and red.

Nicole [00:09:10] So you push a button for help, speak to an operator, and then number three? Help is on the way. Honestly, it seems rather easy.

Sasheer [00:09:19] It’s super easy.

Nicole [00:09:21] Maybe I should have one just at the bottom of the stairs.

Sasheer [00:09:24] Yeah. But what if accidents happen in other places? What about in the kitchen? Ooh, there are cuter ones. There’s, like, a sleek green one.

Nicole [00:09:37] Oh, these are not for me.

Sasheer [00:09:39] Oh, and they’re not Life Alert brand. They’re a different brand.

Nicole [00:09:43] Oh, they’re not Life Alert branded? They’re different. I don’t want a generic Life Alert. I don’t want, like, second tier, third tier help coming to me.

Sasheer [00:09:55] What’s this unicorn thing?

Nicole [00:10:01] It’s a medical alert.

Sasheer [00:10:02] Sparkle Medical Alert. Wait, can you click on that?

Nicole [00:10:05] I think you just, like, engrave it with, like, “I’m allergic to shellfish.”

Sasheer [00:10:10] I see. It doesn’t actually call anyone.

Nicole [00:10:12] “I have type 2 diabetes.” It’s just a necklace to let people know what’s up. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with you?” No one’s coming to help.

Sasheer [00:10:21] Once they find your body, they could turn it over and be like, “Oh. This is what went wrong.”

Nicole [00:10:27] I kind of don’t want a Life Alert because if I fall and I can’t get up, the first person who finds me is my best friend. You know? And if I go months without someone finding me, then I guess I know who my friends are. No one. You know?

Sasheer [00:10:46] Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I will say I don’t always know when you’re in town. So, like, if you are busy and I didn’t hear from you and then–I don’t know–I knocked on the door, I’d be like, “I don’t know if she’s home or not. She could be in Denver. She could be in Florida. I don’t know.”

Nicole [00:11:07] Yeah, but if I’m not answering my phone, I’m probably dying somewhere.

Sasheer [00:11:13] Maybe. I don’t know!

Nicole [00:11:15] If I don’t answer my phone for a couple of days? I’ve never not answered my phone for a couple of days.

Sasheer [00:11:24] I sent a text the other day, and I didn’t get a text back for two days.

Nicole [00:11:29] It was one day.

Sasheer [00:11:30] It was one day, but it felt like two.

Nicole [00:11:32] It was one singular day. It was an afternoon text message. And then not even a full 24 hours later, you asked, “Are you okay?” I was like, “I think so.” And you’re like, “I just wasn’t sure. You didn’t respond to this text.”

Sasheer [00:11:46] Well, I was confused.

Nicole [00:11:50] I’m so sorry. Well, next time I’ll just be on it. But it was not even 24 hours.

Sasheer [00:11:59] But it was really close to 24 hours.

Nicole [00:12:04] You were like, “Are you ignoring me?” And I was like, “What?”

Sasheer [00:12:06] Well, because you responded to everything else! You responded to memes. You responded to other emails we were on. I was like, “Why isn’t she answering my texts? What’s happening?”

Nicole [00:12:14] Because sometimes I open my text to be like, “Answer this.” And then, my refrigerator needs to be opened and then closed without me taking anything out of it. And then sometimes I have to look what’s in the dryer, and I go, “Oh, a towel I forgot.” And then I’m like, “Oh, memes.” And then I’ve forgotten to answer the text message. But I’m answering memes and stuff. I’m answering you in other forms of communication.

Sasheer [00:12:39] But then I was like, “Does she not want to talk about the thing that I texted?”

Nicole [00:12:43] You really leapt to a conclusion.

Sasheer [00:12:46] I didn’t know. And you’re right. I did. I did. But I also just needed answers.

Nicole [00:12:55] I understand. I am so sorry. I will never keep you waiting like that ever, ever again.

Sasheer [00:13:01] Thank you.

Nicole [00:13:02] Can I tell you I went to go get my nails done this morning and then had coffee with someone, and no one told me that my tit was just out. So, it’s buttoned down here, but, like, my whole boob was out. And my bra is see-through. So, I think people were just, like, looking at my nipples all day. And nobody was like, “Ma’am.” This is like the day that I flashed my neighbor. I was outside walking Clyde, and I wasn’t wearing a bra. I was wearing, like, a half shirt–a little belly shirt–and I raised my arm to wave. And then he just went, “Oh, boy, today is a good day.” And I went, “Okay.” And then I got inside. And I was reaching for something, and I was like, “He saw my titties. That’s why today is a good day.”

Sasheer [00:13:53] Oh no.

Nicole [00:13:56] Lord. For these babies being so small, they’re just out. They’re misbehaving.

Sasheer [00:14:01] Maybe everyone’s just like, “Wow, she’s free. She’s really free. She loves her body.”

Nicole [00:14:08] Maybe. But if I saw someone’s bra, I’d be like, “Oh, you’re missing a button.”

Sasheer [00:14:13] I don’t know if I would because I don’t know if they mean that or not.

Nicole [00:14:19] Oh… But a see-through bra.

Sasheer [00:14:20] Some people will just be wearing their bras out.

Nicole [00:14:22] A see-through bra?

Sasheer [00:14:23] Some people do. If you had, like, a padded thick grandma bra, I’d be like, “She couldn’t possibly want to be showing that.” See-through bra–seems like you want people to see that. No?

Nicole [00:14:36] I guess.

Sasheer [00:14:37] That bra is cute.

Nicole [00:14:40] It is a cute bra, and I like it because it’s lightweight. Is it durable? No. I have to buy a new one every couple of months. It’s the least durable bra.

Jordan [00:14:52] Why don’t you do, like, nipple covers?

Nicole [00:14:55] What?

Jordan [00:14:56] Yeah!

Sasheer [00:14:57] Just nipple covers?

Jordan [00:14:58] No, no, no.

Sasheer [00:15:00] Jordan…

Nicole [00:15:03] Jordan. They’re small, but they need support.

Jordan [00:15:07] You could do a nipple cover and then wear the bra. That way, your nipple is not showing, but you can show off the bra.

Nicole [00:15:14] Is it sticky? I’m sticking something to me? An adhesive?

Jordan [00:15:17] Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:18] An unnecessary adhesive? In 90-degree weather? Jordan.

Jordan [00:15:24] I have worn them… This might be too TMI. My nipples want to be out and proud. I do not know what they’re all about. But I wear them, and it helps, even with some, like, very thin bralette. And they’re sticky, but they have never irritated me or given me a reaction. Or, like, if I’m sweating, they haven’t been an issue.

Nicole [00:15:47] Wait. I can buy nipple ones?

Jordan [00:15:47] Yeah, just nipple. Like, just areola and the nipple area.

Nicole [00:15:51] Well, there’s one that is, like, an actual nipple.

Sasheer [00:15:54] That’s really funny. It’s a prosthetic nipple in case you lose one, I guess.

Nicole [00:16:03] Ohhh. In case you’ve had reconstructive surgery. But what if I just want rock hard nips? I guess I could wear them.

Sasheer [00:16:11] You’re like, “I’m tired of my nipples being so soft.”

Nicole [00:16:13] “I want hard nippies!” Oh, maybe that is an option. They do come in all different skin tones.

Sasheer [00:16:22] Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:26] Hmm. Forever 21 has heart-shaped ones. Ooh! How youthful.

Sasheer [00:16:34] Yeah, these are cute. But I guess your point was that you don’t want to be showing your bra. But if you do, I guess it would be nice to have.

Nicole [00:16:42] I can have some little nipple covers.

Sasheer [00:16:44] Yeah. But then it will look like you don’t have a nipple. And that’s maybe more concerning.

Nicole [00:16:50] That might be concerning–to be like, “What’s going on?” But also, it’s okay if you don’t have nipples.

Sasheer [00:16:57] This is true.

Nicole [00:16:59] I don’t know. I think maybe I’ll just button my clothes better. Although I did think I was, like, fully buttoned. My friend Tess and I went and saw the Tina Turner musical. And we were getting in the Uber. And when we sat down in the Uber, Tess was like, “Your whole chest is out.” Somehow my whole buttons just came undone. And this is not a tight shirt. It was, like, a pretty loose button up. I don’t know. I think they just want to be free.

Sasheer [00:17:29] Free those titties! Free the nipple!

Nicole [00:17:32] Free them up. Free them up. I don’t know. I don’t want to take them out unless someone wants to suck on them. Nobody seems to want to.

Sasheer [00:17:43] Even when you say it like that?

Nicole [00:17:45] Yeah. No, nobody. The apps are bad, and the person’s bad. It’s all bad. It’s all bad. Not good.

Sasheer [00:17:51] Not good. It might still be hot outside, but fall is right around the corner. And you got to get prepared. Target has so many great brands–so many good fashion styles. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on some matching sets that I’ve got from Target. They’ve got accessories. I’ve gotten purses from there–little backpacks and little clutches that are good in a clutch. You can get all of that in one spot, and that’s Target. Shop the latest women’s fashions at your local Target store or online at target.com.

Metro by T-Mobile [00:18:31] At Metro by T-Mobile, there is not a yada yada. That means no contracts, no price hikes, and no surprises. We don’t even hide what the lawyers make us say. We put it first. When we say, “No price hikes,” we mean when you join Metro, your price will never increase for talks, texts, and smartphone data. Our only exclusions are for limited time promos, freeze charges, and third-party services. Not a yada yada means wireless without the gotcha. Only at Metro.

Nicole [00:19:04] Should we do a little quizy-poo?

Sasheer [00:19:06] Let’s do it.

Nicole [00:19:09] Let’s do a quiz. My cramps are cramping. I fucking hate having a period. You know what? It’s rude of God or the universe or whoever to give women a period. Why? We’re the nice ones? Why do they do that?

Sasheer [00:19:25] That’s a good point.

Nicole [00:19:28] Right? We’re nice.

Sasheer [00:19:29] Yeah. We’re not starting wars.

Nicole [00:19:32] I’ve never started a war in my entire life. I would like Eat Like a Toddler for The Day and We’ll Give You an Activity to Embrace Your Inner Child.

Sasheer [00:19:42] Great. Let’s do it.

Nicole [00:19:44] I kind of like a toddler, regardless.

Sasheer [00:19:47] I think I kind of do, too.

Nicole [00:19:50] It’s easy. I don’t want fancy fucking shit, especially when I’m, like, cooking at home. Although I have saved so many recipes to, like, try one day. I’m going to… Okay. You didn’t ask for it, but I’m going to share with you this recipe that I saved this morning that I’m really excited about, but I don’t know if I’ll ever make it. Okay. Wait for it. Is everyone waiting?

Sasheer [00:20:17] With bated breath, yes.

Nicole [00:20:18] Stand by, everybody1 so it’s a rice cake with peanut butter, peanuts, and pretzels. And then you drizzle chocolate on it.

Sasheer [00:20:31] Whoa.

Nicole [00:20:32] And I was like, “This looks fucking good.” Maybe I’ll try it today.

Sasheer [00:20:40] Yeah, that sounds good.

Nicole [00:20:41] And it looks easy to make. I think I have to put it in the freezer for the chocolate to harden. I don’t know. I need to click the link in the bio, which is a really hard step for me to take when I see these recipes. Okay. “Eat Like a Toddler for The Day and We’ll Give You an Activity to Embrace Your Inner Child.” First question is… I guess it is a question. “Have breakfast.”

Sasheer [00:21:09] “French toast sticks.”

Nicole [00:21:11] “Eggo waffles.”

Sasheer [00:21:14] “Pop-Tarts.”

Nicole [00:21:14] Pop-Tarts are not breakfast. They’re definitely a dessert. “Lucky Charms.”

Sasheer [00:21:19] That was breakfast for me when I was younger.

Nicole [00:21:21] I know. And they were once breakfast for me until once I watched my dad put a pop chart in the toaster oven and then put a scoop of ice cream on it. And I said, “You’re right, Daddy. This is dessert.” And that is the optimal way to eat a Pop-Tart.

Sasheer [00:21:39] Whoa. That’s actually really smart.

Nicole [00:21:39] It’s a mini pie!

Sasheer [00:21:41] Yeah. Yeah, it is. I’m craving those french toast sticks.

Nicole [00:21:48] I’m craving Eggo waffles. When I saw that, it really brought me back to being a kid. I used to love Eggo waffles. I don’t eat them anymore.

Sasheer [00:22:01] Yeah! I feel like I have had very few well-cooked Eggo waffles. I feel like they’re either too soggy or too hard.

Nicole [00:22:10] Interesting. Even in the toaster oven? Even in a toaster?

Sasheer [00:22:17] Uh-huh. I mean, I guess I’ve never made them myself. Someone’s prepared them for me.

Nicole [00:22:24] Oh. I would make them myself and stand over them and be like, “They’re done!”

Sasheer [00:22:30] Oh, I see. I’ll do that. “Have a snack.”

Nicole [00:22:32] “Oreos.”

Sasheer [00:22:35] “Baby carrots.”

Nicole [00:22:37] Ew. “Little Bites.”

Sasheer [00:22:40] “Chocolate milk.”

Nicole [00:22:40] Chocolate milk is not a snack. It’s not a snack. Nobody’s– What?

Sasheer [00:22:47] Yeah. I would still need some food. That’s not a snack.

Nicole [00:22:50] Yes! That’s a beverage not a snack.

Sasheer [00:22:54] Oreos for me, please.

Nicole [00:22:58] I do love Oreos. Did you know they’re vegan?

Sasheer [00:23:04] I guess I did. Because they have no animal product?

Nicole [00:23:06] I guess so. They’re vegan.

Sasheer [00:23:13] Yeah. Yeah, I don’t think I did. But do they promote themselves that way?

Nicole [00:23:20] I don’t know who told me. But someone once said, “Oreos are vegan.”

Sasheer [00:23:27] Hmm. Yeah. “Oreo cookies do not contain any animal derived ingredients and are safe to eat for vegans.” Wow.

Nicole [00:23:34] But I’m like, “They’re chocolate flavored, right?”

Sasheer [00:23:37] Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:38] Chocolates–that comes from… Oh, I guess that comes from a tree–a cacao.

Sasheer [00:23:44] Yeah. And then I have no idea what the filling is.

Nicole [00:23:47] And then there’s supposed to be cream. I mean, I think it’s just chemicals.

Sasheer [00:23:50] Yeah, I was about to say, “I don’t know if it’s a good thing that there’s no animal product in there.”

Nicole [00:23:57] Oh, they’re so good. When I was little, I used to, like, get Oreos, take them apart, and then peel off the cream and put them on another one, so it’d be, like, double, triple, like, quadruple stacked.

Sasheer [00:24:13] You’re ahead of your time.

Nicole [00:24:14] Oh my God. Truly the fattest one in the room. I’m gonna do Little Bites. I love a Little Bite.

Sasheer [00:24:21] Are those the muffins?

Nicole [00:24:22] Yes, bitch. Them little muffins you just pop in your mouth. You eat several muffins at once. “Have lunch.” Oh. “Grilled cheese.”

Sasheer [00:24:34] “Hot dog.”

Nicole [00:24:37] I think we all know what you’re choosing. “Sliders.”

Sasheer [00:24:42] “Chicken tenders.”

Nicole [00:24:44] You know I gotta get me some chicken tendies, but they have to be a specific way.

Sasheer [00:24:49] What’s the way?

Nicole [00:24:51] Batter not breaded.

Sasheer [00:24:53] Oh.

Nicole [00:24:55] Judith, do you mind looking up battered chicken fingers?

Sasheer [00:25:01] Sounds like they were, like, in a domestic abuse–

Nicole [00:25:05] Beaten up? “I like my chicken to have trauma.” I once carried around a picture… So those second ones are real good. Oooh, yes. Yes! Yeah. The second one, Feast and Farm–those are the ones I like. Yes, the crunchy ones. Okay. Can you look up Dairy Queen chicken fingers? Those are the optimal ones.

Sasheer [00:25:29] And were you about to say that you carried a picture of chicken fingers to let people know what kinds you liked?

Nicole [00:25:34] Yes. When I would go to restaurants, I would say, “Do they look like this, or do they look like this?” And if they looked like the one that I didn’t want, I would not order them. Yes. Look at them. Ooh. So crispy, so juicy, so crunchy. Dip them in ranch, and have a good time. And also, there’s a white bread, so you can wrap them up, and the bread gets all soft. I need to get to a Dairy Queen!

Sasheer [00:26:05] I guess so.

Nicole [00:26:12] Oh my God. I’m, like, really having a nice time looking at… Oh my God. Where is the nearest Dairy Queen?

Sasheer [00:26:25] Okay, let’s go back to the quiz before Nicole starts drooling on the mic.

Nicole [00:26:28] Are you sure?

Sasheer [00:26:29] Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:31] I got to know where the nearest Dairy Queen is.

Sasheer [00:26:37] It’s really hard for me, but I’m going to choose hot dog.

Nicole [00:26:42] Yeah. That was pretty hard for you. And I think we all know what I chose. “Have something to drink.”

Sasheer [00:26:46] “Yoo-hoo.”

Nicole [00:26:46] “Capri Sun.”

Sasheer [00:26:46] “Kool-Aid.”

Nicole [00:26:46] “Lemonade.”

Sasheer [00:26:46] I do love a Capri Sun.

Nicole [00:27:03] I love Kool-Aid. I remember once my dad was like, “Nicole, you have to drink water.” And I was like, “What is the base of Kool-Aid, Dad?”

Sasheer [00:27:15] What a little smartass.

Nicole [00:27:17] Insufferable! God, I love the Kool-Aid. I’m not a Kool-Aid purist. I do not like the Kool-Aid where you have to add the sugar because the ratio is… It is either too sweet or not sweet enough. I like when Kool-Aid said, “We’ll do you a solid? We’ll mix it up for you, bitch.” That’s my Kool-Aid.

Sasheer [00:27:43] Wow. You’re really taking it back.

Nicole [00:27:48] I’m going to go shopping and get some Eggo waffles, Kool-Aid, and stop at Dairy Queen on my way home.

Sasheer [00:27:54] Then you’re going to eat it and be like, “Oh, God. Why did I do this?”

Nicole [00:27:56] Yeah, I don’t want any of this. Okay. “Have dinner.”

Sasheer [00:28:01] “Dino nuggets.”

Nicole [00:28:03] “Spaghetti and meatballs!”

Sasheer [00:28:05] “Cheese pizza.”

Nicole [00:28:07] “Mac and cheese.” Oh my God. This is tough.

Sasheer [00:28:12] Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:14] I love a dino nugget. And also… I mean, my mom never made meatballs, but she would do ground beef over the spaghetti. And it was so yummy. And cheese pizza. Aww… Is this, like, microwaved pizza, or is it oven pizza? Is it DiGiorno? What are we talking?

Sasheer [00:28:33] Ooh, that’s a really good question. They didn’t specify.

Nicole [00:28:38] But dino nuggets lead me to believe that this is at home supermarket shit.

Sasheer [00:28:42] Okay. Okay. So, in that case… We don’t want a microwaved cheese pizza.

Nicole [00:28:50] No. And I don’t know if I need Kraft macaroni and cheese because I feel like that’s what it would be.

Sasheer [00:28:55] Yeah. I guess I’d say spaghetti and meatballs.

Nicole [00:29:01] Okay, I’m going to do dino nuggets.

Sasheer [00:29:04] Yeah. Stay on the nuggets.

Nicole [00:29:07] Listen, I love chicken.

Sasheer [00:29:11] “Have a side with dinner.”

Nicole [00:29:12] “Curly fries.”

Sasheer [00:29:15] “Apple slices.”

Nicole [00:29:16] For dinner? “Cuties Orange?” Why do they say it like that? It’s just a Cutie. Cutie is the brand, and it’s an orange. There’s no Cuties here. It’s Cutie.

Sasheer [00:29:33] Sounds like you are a purist.

Nicole [00:29:40] I just don’t understand “Cuties Orange.”

Sasheer [00:29:43] I guess they’re trying to specify that… Or, like, in case you didn’t know what it was. Like, it’s an orange. But also, that’s unclear. And then “Go-Gurt Yogurt.”

Nicole [00:29:55] I guess. What are you choosing?

Sasheer [00:29:56] It sounds like the cuisine post-soccer practice or something. I am going to choose curly fries. I love curly fries.

Nicole [00:30:08] Same. It’s also the only appropriate side for dinner.

Sasheer [00:30:11] This is true. Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:13] You’re really carbo-loading. You’re having spaghetti and curly fries.

Sasheer [00:30:17] Oh no. I have a track meet. I gotta carbo-load.

Nicole [00:30:22] “Have some dessert.”

Sasheer [00:30:24] “Mini cupcake.”

Nicole [00:30:26] “S’mores.”

Sasheer [00:30:28] “Cosmic brownie.”

Nicole [00:30:30] You don’t know what that is?

Sasheer [00:30:31] No. What is that?

Nicole [00:30:33] It’s a brownie with rainbow chips in it. It comes in, like, a little Hungry-Man Dinner. Like, a Hungry Man Kids Dinner or, yeah, by themselves.

Sasheer [00:30:44] Oh. And it’s cosmic because the rainbow sprinkles look like stars?

Nicole [00:30:54] You know… I don’t think anyone really thought that out when they made them. I think they were just like, “Wow, these are out of this world. This is cosmic.”

Sasheer [00:31:02] They were high as hell.

Nicole [00:31:03] They were like, “Aw, man. This is colorful shit, man.”

Sasheer [00:31:06] It also looks like people who were high made it. It’s just, like, sprinkled haphazardly on the brownies.

Nicole [00:31:14] And they look worse in person. And it’s, like, not even a good brownie.

Sasheer [00:31:21] It doesn’t look like it. It looks pretty tough.

Nicole [00:31:23] No, they are pretty tough. And I’ve had plenty of them. And then the last one was “ice cream.” There’s Cosmic Brownies Cereal? I don’t want any of that. Give me my Cracklin’ Oat Bran. I’m picking ice cream. I love ice cream, Sasheer. I don’t think you know this about me.

Sasheer [00:31:54] I’ve heard you say it from time to time.

Nicole [00:31:57] Oh, it’s just so good.

Sasheer [00:31:59] I’m going to choose a mini cupcake.

Nicole [00:32:04] So dainty. What is this quiz?

Sasheer [00:32:06] Yeah, just a little bit.

Nicole [00:32:08] Oh, we’re finding things for our inner child.

Sasheer [00:32:11] Oh, wait. Can you scroll up a little bit? Or just above the…? Oh, yes. “Eat Like a Toddler for The Day and We’ll Give You an Activity to Embrace Your Inner Child.” Okay, so this is an activity.

Nicole [00:32:22] I really forgot.

Judith [00:32:25] This is Sasheer’s activity.

Sasheer [00:32:27] “Finger painting! Come on. You know you want to dip your fingers in some paint and make a masterpiece.” Okay!

Nicole [00:32:33] I couldn’t see you doing that.

Sasheer [00:32:36] Too messy.

Nicole [00:32:38] Yeah.

Sasheer [00:32:38] No, thanks. How do I get out of there? I have to touch something. I have to touch the handle of the sink. I have to touch the soap. I’m covered in paint.

Nicole [00:32:48] Yeah. So, it’s like double cleaning. You got to clean yourself and then clean the sink.

Judith [00:32:53] This is Nicole’s.

Nicole [00:33:00] “Finger painting.” Listen, all roads probably lead to finger painting. This was brought to you by Big Finger Paint.

Sasheer [00:33:07] The finger paint industry paid off BuzzFeed.

Nicole [00:33:13] Defund BuzzFeed! Defund BuzzFeed!

Sasheer [00:33:25] The Real Good Podcast by U.S. Bank aims to celebrate and gain knowledge from those working to change historical institutions and policies that disenfranchise BIPOC communities and women. Hosted by Faith Salie, each season provides the opportunity to learn from people who are on the ground, working to better their immediate communities or their industries. Topics include building community centered small businesses, bringing minority deposit institutions to new markets, the real impact of diversity programs at the corporate level, and more. This is not a banking podcast, but Faith and guests do explore how various issues impact people’s abilities to reach their goals and build generational wealth. The goal is to have open, direct discussions of the issues without sugarcoating things with corporate speak or letting corporations–including U.S. Bank–from doing their part to change systems of power for better. Listen to Real Good on all major podcast platforms or visit usbank.com/realgood.

Devyn Simone [00:34:26] Hey, everyone. It’s Devyn Simone.

Tori Deal [00:34:28] And I’m Tori Deal.

Devyn Simone [00:34:29] And we’ve got some very exciting news for our fellow Challenge fans.

Tori Deal [00:34:33] The Challenge USA is back for a second season.

Devyn Simone [00:34:37] Featuring fan favorite contestants from your favorite CBS shows.

Tori Deal [00:34:40] Yes. So, join us on MTV’s Official Challenge Podcast as we watch CBS reality titans compete against challenge legends for the title of America’s Best.

Devyn Simone [00:34:50] Listen to MTV’s Official Challenge podcasts wherever you get your podcasts.

Nicole [00:34:59] Okay, now that we’ve figured out who should fucking finger paint, should we help some people?

Sasheer [00:35:05] Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:06] Oh my God, Sasheer. I love trash day. So, I had a rickety…

Sasheer [00:35:14] Okay.

Nicole [00:35:16] Imagine that’s where the story ended.

Sasheer [00:35:18] “I love trash day.”

Nicole [00:35:20] “I love trash day.”

Sasheer [00:35:23] “Anyway!”

Nicole [00:35:23] There’s a rickety shoe shelf that I haven’t liked. I got a new one. Don’t like that one. But I painted it. Whatever. I was like, “Uch, I got to find someone to give this shoes shelf to. No, I don’t.” I put it slightly in the trash, it was gone in an hour. I had a big dog bed that didn’t fit anywhere in my house because I didn’t read the… the… What’s it called? The diameters?

Sasheer [00:35:48] Dimensions.

Nicole [00:35:50] Dimensions. So, I lightly put it in the trash. Gone in 30 seconds. I literally, like, put it in there, walked upstairs, looked out the window, and it was gone. And then I went back outside. And I had bought T-shirts and puff paint to make T-shirts with someone who laughed at me and said they didn’t want to do that. So, I threw that away because it had, you know, bad vibes. Gone in eight hours.

Sasheer [00:36:18] It’s not as speedy but still really good.

Nicole [00:36:22] Yeah. When I went out today to walk Clyde, I was like, “Is it still in there? No, it’s not!” Because I put it right on the top, and I opened it, so you could see what it was.

Sasheer [00:36:31] Oh, other people are picking this up.

Nicole [00:36:34] Yeah, who did you think was taking it?

Sasheer [00:36:36] I thought it was the garbage people.

Nicole [00:36:39] You thought the city was coming to my house multiple times a day to take my little bits of trash? “Uh oh! Nicole’s got more trash! Get the trucks! We’ve got to get out there!”

Sasheer [00:36:52] I was like, “Wow, are they just waiting around the corner for you to have trash?”

Nicole [00:36:57] No. Truly, the city–if you put them out late, they won’t take your trash. And honestly, I’ve had my cans put in an area where, like, there was a car on either side. They didn’t take it. They were like, “We won’t even figure it out.” No, these are people. People are taking stuff.

Sasheer [00:37:14] Oh, it’s like neighbors and stuff. I see.

Nicole [00:37:16] Yes.

Sasheer [00:37:17] Okay, good. I like that.

Nicole [00:37:19] I’m feeding the community.

Sasheer [00:37:22] Dog beds and T-shirts.

Nicole [00:37:26] Yes. And then I was like, “Well, I’m away next week.” But I’m like, “Ooh, what can I put out in the trash lightly for people to take?”

Sasheer [00:37:37] “What can I give the people?” One time I was going to put a couch out on the curb for Saint Vincent de Paul to come pick up. And my neighbors saw me put it on the curb. And they’re like, “Are you getting rid of that?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And they were like, “I think we’re just going to take it.” I was like, “You do whatever you want.” And then these, like, really young, skinny women, like, moved this whole couch into their apartment. And then they got a free couch.

Nicole [00:38:06] I mean, that’s nice because they saw you putting it out, and they could have been like, “Why are you putting it out there? Is there bugs? What’s going on?”

Sasheer [00:38:14] Yeah. I don’t even remember if they asked that or not. But it was perfectly clean and fine. It’s just I had it for a long time and wanted a new one.

Nicole [00:38:23] Couches are tough. They’re very expensive.

Sasheer [00:38:26] They’re so expensive.

Nicole [00:38:27] They start at, like, two grand. You can’t get a couch for under two grand. It’s wild in these streets to sit.

Sasheer [00:38:36] “To sit.”

Nicole [00:38:37] One of the easiest things you could do.

Sasheer [00:38:40] But I’ll pay anything to sit well.

Nicole [00:38:42] Me too. And my couch? Currently… It’s not great, but I just love the pattern. And I’m like, “Can I get someone to, like, make it a better couch?” But then should you just buy a different…? Listen, tough choices. Tough choices for me, you know? Okay. This is the email. “Making friends in a conservative area. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Your podcast has brought me so much joy in the past two years of listening.” Haven’t we been doing this more than two years?

Sasheer [00:39:19] Since 2019?

Nicole [00:39:21] Interesting that they haven’t been with us since the beginning. I’m kidding. Any time you find the podcast, we’re happy to have you. “I figured I’d reach out and try to get some of the candid and hilarious advice you’re known to give. My partner and I moved to a new state last year and making friends has been rough. His sister and friends from college live an hour away, and we see them a few times a month, but we really don’t have friends in our town.”

Sasheer [00:39:50] “I’m not as close with his friends from college, so I feel even more socially deprived since we spent a lot of energy on weekends traveling to see them. Our town is mostly military folks, and I have been hesitant to reach out to make friends because most of the women my age, 27, have multiple children. I’ve tried Bumble BFF, but it’s pretty much just me swiping left on all of these conservative moms.”

Nicole [00:40:14] “How do I make friends in a place where the people my age have totally different values and lifestyles than me? Also, I’ve been told I’m weird and a lot, so I’ve been nervous about putting myself around new people. It’s hard putting yourself out there when you’ve been put on blast like that. Any advice is welcome.” Okay.

Sasheer [00:40:34] How do we know these people are conservative? Do they put it in their Bumble bio?

Nicole [00:40:42] They’re probably like, “About me? I love Republicans.” I don’t know. Yeah, maybe don’t make assumptions unless you’re, like, absolutely sure that someone is conservative. I will say, take a pole class. Pole is filled with very fun, interesting people that you might strike up a friendship with. Yeah. Any hobbies you have? If you like soccer, join a soccer league. If you like roller skating, see if the local roller rink has, like, certain nights or, like, a class you can take or something like that. I think taking a class is a good way to meet people.

Sasheer [00:41:25] Yeah. I’m trying to think because I’m also like, “What if they’re in a place that doesn’t have that stuff?” Like, how conservative and military is this area? Like, are they just on a base or…? Like, what if they don’t have pole classes nearby?

Nicole [00:41:46] Hmm That’s interesting. I never thought about living in a place where there’s no poles. Jordan said, “Tattoo shops.”

Jordan [00:41:56] Because what I’m thinking–if they’re near a military base, there’s always tattoo shops near there. And yes, even though the people… You might not want to be hanging out with the military people who go get the tattoos. But those tattoo artists are probably really cool.

Sasheer [00:42:14] That’s a really good idea, Jordan.

Nicole [00:42:16] That is a good idea. If you’re vibing with your artist, you could be like, “Where do you hang out?” And honestly, as an adult, I just say it out loud to other adults. I go, “I would like to be your friend.” You know Lyric Lewis, right, Sasheer?

Sasheer [00:42:31] Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:33] I love Lyric Lewis so much. And we were just at this, like, brunch together, and I was like, “May I please have your number because I like you a lot? And I would like to be able to contact you and ask you to go to dinner with me.” And she was like, “Absolutely.” And yeah, people are nice and friendly. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that–if you meet someone, being like, “I’d like to go to dinner with you.”

Sasheer [00:42:57] Yeah, I like that. Be bold.

Nicole [00:43:00] Yeah, be bold! Because it’s not an anomaly. I think everyone can agree. I said that word good, I think.

Sasheer [00:43:08] You really did. But I was trying to figure out what was the anomaly.

Nicole [00:43:13] Oh, that it’s not an anomaly because I feel like everyone would agree that making friends as an adult is harder than making friends as a kid. But if you think about it, when you were a kid, you’d be like, “I like that rock you’re holding! You want to be my friend?” We just gotta point out people’s rocks.

Sasheer [00:43:31] Aww. I like that. “We just gotta point out people’s rocks.” Hell yeah.

Nicole [00:43:37] Yeah. Solved!

Sasheer [00:43:39] Solved. Okay, here’s another one.

Caller [00:43:43] “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Big fan of your podcast. Big fan of all of your work. I have a friend of about 15 years who is dating someone I’m not sure I want to ever meet. He has some very political views reflective of a lot of communities and says things like “racism is over” and that “Black kids in America have the same ability to be successful as white kids today.” She’s fairly progressive, but it’s pretty scary that she’s dating someone like that. She’s my friend of 15 years, like I said. So, I hesitate to throw the relationship away over her being with this man. But she’s talking about, like, their future and how she might want to marry and have children with him. I don’t know how I can be in their life with all of these fundamental value differences. Have you ever been in a situation where someone you love is dating someone who’s, like, potentially a bad person? Yeah, I’ve tried to talk to her about it. She’s very open to discussion, but she seems like she really wants to be with him long term. I feel like I’m being complicit in, like, encouraging her, which I’m not. I’m discouraging her. But I feel like I’m being complicit in her relationship. But we’re also all white, and I feel like that’s important because she’s, like, upholding white supremacist culture by being with a man who believes these things. Yeah. So, I don’t really know what to do. I love her so much, and I’m so disappointed. I’m not going to tell you my name, but I use she/her pronouns. Thank you so much for your time. I love you all.

Nicole [00:45:31] Ooooh.

Sasheer [00:45:34] Well, I don’t think you’re being complicit in her relationship because you’re not actually in her relationship. These are her choices that she’s making. She’s making a choice to be with a person like this. And that person is that way because that’s how they are. So, it really doesn’t involve you. You can say your opinion. And you said that you’ve talked to her about it. But I think the way I probably go about it is, like, maybe ask, “Hey, what do you think?” or, like, “How do you feel when he says things like X, Y, Z when he talks about racism not existing or whatever?” How do you feel?” I’m also curious. I would love to know, like, what the friend would say. Like, is your friend like, “Oh, you know, he’s just joking. I don’t know if he really thinks that.” Or is she like, “I don’t know. I don’t care.” That’s also, like, pretty illuminating for your friend. I think it’s disappointing either way. But, you know, your friend’s not… It’s not like she’s being kidnaped. Like, she’s choosing to be with someone who thinks like this. So, I think all you can do is maybe, like, ask questions to maybe help illuminate some stuff that maybe your friend is overlooking and maybe she thinks you can’t see it, or other people can’t see it. But other than that, that’s it. It’s not your relationship.

Nicole [00:47:09] Yeah, I agree. It is not your relationship. And there’s only so many times that you can, like, buck up against it, being like, “I don’t like this.” But I do think asking questions is helpful, especially if you do meet this person and they do say something kind of, like, off that you don’t necessarily agree with. Be like, “Oh, wow. What are your thoughts on that, friend? Do you think racism doesn’t exist anymore?” which I think might be helpful in you understanding what your friend’s core values might actually be because they might actually be more different than you think because obviously, they have something in common. And then also you can put up boundaries and stuff, like, once they get serious. You don’t have to see this person. You can just be like, “Oh, I would just like friend time with you.” But also, I will warn you, sometimes people get into relationships with people where you’re like, “Oh, I don’t necessarily agree with that person.” And they kind of get, like, caught up in lost in it. So, like, you kind of just have to, like, be okay that it’s not your relationship–but still be supportive.

Sasheer [00:48:28] Yeah. I hope your friend sees what’s going on. But also, yeah, like Nicole said, you might be surprised. Maybe they’re perfectly fine with what’s happening. That’s also an option.

Nicole [00:48:40] People are more surprising than you think. Like, people will surprise you, and you’re like, “Oh, I didn’t know you thought like this.” And it’s like, “Oh, yeah, yeah. I do.” You’re like, “I didn’t think you did things like that.” It’s like, “Yeah, of course.” Like, I’ve had friends surprise me and I’m like, “Why would you do that?”

Sasheer [00:48:57] “How’d you do that?”

Nicole [00:49:00] “What?”

Sasheer [00:49:00] Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:03] Solved.

Sasheer [00:49:05] Solved.

Nicole [00:49:09] Okay. This is an email. “Hello, Queens. I have a query. So, I’ve known my best friend for four years now. I’m 22 and she’s 20. We met my freshman year of college before I discovered the wonders of Prozac, so I was very depressed, and she was there for me. We’ve had tidbits here and there, but this one I can’t figure out how to say nicely.”

Sasheer [00:49:36] “So a few months ago, she got two rabbits. Now, her family does have a lot of animals. And she had a guinea pig before this. But now it’s her two ‘buns.’ The problem is she lets them free roam on her bed. They piss and shit on it, and she simply wipes out the poop and never sprays anything for the pee. Her mattress has gotten frumpy and dirty since. She doesn’t even put sheets on her bed anymore. Every time we hang out, she wants to spend the night together but at her house. However, I am not comfortable sleeping in her bed in these conditions. Like, the mattress is brown, and one corner is sunken down. She also has what she says are drain flies. But I don’t know how to tell her that those are just gnats that are attracted to her depression room. She has cleaned up the food trash, but the gnats come back likely because of the rabbits. So, the nasty mattress and gnats everywhere make it really uncomfortable for me to sleep in her room. Her dad does have a little man cave above the garage that we’re allowed to use. But she doesn’t like sleeping out there because there’s no bathroom. I don’t like it either, but that area is mostly clean. Like, it needs to be vacuumed because of the dog hair, but that’s it. It’s way more comfortable.”

Nicole [00:50:59] “How do I bring this up without hurting her feelings? I understand depression, and she knows she needs to find a new psychiatrist. But it’s been like that for four to six months. I’m just not comfortable over there, but she doesn’t like leaving her buddies overnight, so she won’t spend the night at my dorm or my mom’s house. I also don’t want to bring the buns into my space because she’ll let them piss and shit everywhere and simply cover it up instead of getting cleaning supplies.”

Sasheer [00:51:22] “Her mom spoils her and lets her do whatever. Her dad yells at her to clean sometimes, but at this point she needs a new mattress. And if I were her dad, I wouldn’t want to buy one till she proves that she can keep the space clean. How do I bring up this sensitive topic? For reference, she’s always lived at home–never moved into a dorm. I know dorm life would make her realize she has a problem, but she won’t ever do it. Thanks for reading.”

Nicole [00:51:47] This is a tough one because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. But I’m not sleeping on a dirty, like, pee poo poo mattress. That’s just not happening in my world. So, I think what I would say is, “Hey. I’m happy to hang out with you.” Let’s see… Everything I’m trying to say sounds bad because I was going to say, “Hanging out with you is awful.” You can’t say that. Maybe it’s like, “Hey. Are you comfortable sleeping in that bed? Are you happy sleeping in that bed? Because to me, it feels like maybe your life has become a little bit unmanageable with these bunnies. And I know you’re looking for a psychiatrist, but maybe the first step is not letting your bunnies pee and poop everywhere. Maybe we learned how to potty train them. I don’t know. Maybe buy pee pants.” This is tough for me because I really… It would really make me so upset if someone asked you to sleep in a bed that was covered in animal excrement.

Sasheer [00:53:10] Yeah. I think you can be like, “Hey, I would love to hang out with you. I love spending time with you. But I personally don’t want to sleep on this mattress because it’s your bunny’s toilet.” I guess it’s hard to just, like, say because obviously this person’s depressed and they’re going through it. And maybe the bunnies are, like, helpful for, like, emotional support or something. But also, more help needs to happen. So maybe you got to have a real talk of like, “Hey, I can see you’re going through it. I want to support you.” I don’t know. Maybe, like, “Do you feel like this is the environment that you want to sleep in or be in every day? Because if you’re already feeling bad, I don’t know if this is making you feel better.”

Nicole [00:54:13] And maybe bring up that it’s not necessarily the healthiest for the bunnies to live in a place where their excrement is not cleaned up and there’s gnats and stuff. And I think if you can’t get through to her that way, maybe you don’t go to her home to hang out. Maybe you’re like, “You need to come outside. Your bunnies can be alone for a little bit. We’re not doing a slumby. But you’re going to come with me to a cafe. You’re going to come with me to a movie. We’re going to go get drinks somewhere. We’re going to go to the beach.” I don’t know where you live. But, like, maybe bringing her outside might be more helpful. And I know sometimes people get depressed and they get animals because animals help with depression. But I don’t think it’s helping if she’s not cleaning up after them.

Sasheer [00:54:58] Yeah. Yeah. She also needs to, like, take care of them.

Nicole [00:55:03] Yeah, because they’re living things as well. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. Depression really is, like, a really hard thing to deal with. And it’s a chemical thing in your brain, and it’s not the person’s fault that they’re acting like this. So, I do think there’s, like, room to give her a little bit of grace as she is trying to improve things.

Sasheer [00:55:27] Yeah. But you also don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Nicole [00:55:31] Yes. Boundaries for yourself.

Sasheer [00:55:36] But yeah, I like what you said a lot. Y’all can hang out during the day, and then you go sleep in your own bed and be like, “Okay.” And I can’t tell if it would be helpful or not, but maybe if you do say, “Oh, I don’t feel comfortable sleeping on that mattress. I’d rather sleep in my bed, but I would love to hang out with you during the day.” I don’t know. Maybe she’ll think about it more and be like, “Oh, wait. This is not acceptable. Why am I sleeping like this?” Who knows? But it’s also, like, something she’s got to work out on her own.

Nicole [00:56:09] Yeah. I do think you should ask, “Are you happy in this situation?”

Sasheer [00:56:15] Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:18] Yeah.

Jordan [00:56:18] I have a question on top of that. Everyone’s depression is different, and I have my own moments. But, like, in a situation like that where it’s truly just “I’m worried about the friend, I’m worried about the bunnies,” would you guys ever approach it, like, really aggressive? Like, “Are you blind? Can you not see what’s going on?” Like, would you ever approach it like that, knowing that, like, maybe the friend was going through a lot with the depression? But, like, would you ever come at that angle, or would you come at more of a cautious angle?

Sasheer [00:57:01] I think there are some moments where tough love can be helpful. But I think I would be afraid of doing that because they might not know how bad it is and I don’t want them to, like, spiral or get embarrassed. And then I’m not let into this world at all. And now I’m shut out, and I don’t even know how they’re doing mentally or emotionally because I shamed them. There is part of me that’s like, “Should we talk to the parents?” But then also I don’t want to, like, break any trust with that. But I don’t know. But, you know, the parents are also aware of what’s happening. But also, maybe they’re not the kind of parents that understand mental health.

Nicole [00:57:44] There is also, like, asking the friend, “Can I talk to your parents on behalf? If you feel too embarrassed to talk to your parents, I can do that for you.” Again, if you feel comfortable doing that, that’s another option. But I wouldn’t do tough love specifically because I have ADHD. I also buy things. I have bad impulse control. I just buy things. And I had a friend come over the other day. And I have, like, a shirt cabinet with too many shirts. And I know it’s too many shirts. And she was like, “Wow, that’s a lot of–” It was just negative. And I was like, “You don’t have to tell me it’s too much. I already know it’s too much. I’m already overwhelmed by it, and I’m trying to get rid of it. And you saying that wasn’t helpful. It wasn’t helpful at all.” So, I think gentle is the way to go because if my friend had said, “Huh. You got a lot of shirts. Have you thought about giving some away?” I then could go, “Yes, I have. And it’s something I’m going through. And I’m trying to go through them. And I’m having trouble because every time I pick up one, I remember where I got it from and the things I’ve attached to it.” So, I think asking questions and being kind is a good way to get answers out of someone. I’m not saying that, like, the answers will change something, but you could just understand a little bit better where your friend is coming from.

Sasheer [00:59:10] Yeah. And questions can bring up new ideas for the friend, too, that they maybe have never thought of.

Jordan [00:59:19] That’s a good point. I just wanted to ask because I know personally in the past, like, I would have maybe done tough love versus just asking. And I would have never thought of asking. So, I was just curious. So, thanks, guys.

Nicole [00:59:32] I feel like tough love is overrated. And, like, when people are like, “Oh, I tell it like it is,” it’s like, “Do you have to? Do you have to say everything?” I used to be one of those people that was like, “I’ll tell you straight up how I feel about you.” And it’s like, “Not everybody needs to know how I feel about them.”

Sasheer [00:59:51] Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:52] I can hate from afar.

Sasheer [00:59:56] “I can hate in private.” I don’t know if this falls under the umbrella of tough love, but I saw, like, a Twitter thread where this woman was talking about how she was depressed. Her place was very messy. Or I think maybe she moved into a new place and had never unpacked anything. And because she hadn’t unpacked anything and didn’t feel settled. She never invited anyone over, and her friends were, like, getting worried. And so, I don’t know what was going on before this point. I don’t know if her friends, like, talked to her before this or what. But they all just showed up one day and, like, ordered pizza and, like, sat her down. And they just unpacked all her shit, and they cleaned her apartment. They did everything for her, which is so sweet. And even in the Twitter thread, she was like, “Now I’m saying that this worked for me. I understand there are some people who probably would hate this–would hate having other people touch their stuff and do things for them. But for me, that felt like a really beautiful act of service and love.” So, I can see a world where sometimes that can work–where you’re like, “We’re doing this. We are cleaning up your stuff. It’s happening. You don’t get a say in this.” But then again, you just don’t know because it could also go the other direction where they now are closing themselves off because they don’t trust you.

Nicole [01:01:21] Also, maybe be like, “Let’s talk to your mom about getting a new mattress and then mattress protectors.” You know? I mean, it is gross to be like, “You can still let them piss and shit everywhere.” But, like, that is the solution to this problem currently. But then I think she said the mattress has no sheets on. I don’t know. I think maybe talk to her about talking to her parents about, like, getting some psychiatric help because that’s not okay.

Sasheer [01:01:58] Yeah. But I also like where you’re going with the mattress protector, too, because it could also just be baby steps, too. It doesn’t have to be an overwhelming, like, “Okay. You got some stuff. You need to, like, figure out how to wrangle these rabbits. New mattress. Clean up this room. Get rid of the gnats.” I think it all feels so overwhelming to her. So, if it’s just like, “Let’s work on the mattress. The mattress is falling apart. We want a new mattress.”

Nicole [01:02:23] Yeah. Get a new mattress or, like, one of those, like, carpet cleaners. Like, I’ve seen carpet cleaners really suck up some shit. So maybe you could do that and be like, “Look at this cleanish mattress.” And then maybe if she keeps that clean with the mattress protector, then we can baby step her to a new mattress.” I think there’s a lot of options for this friendship. And I think it’s going to end up okay.

Sasheer [01:02:51] Yeah. I think so. And I think it’s really nice that this friend cares so much that they’re considering these options.

Judith [01:02:58] And I want to add real quickly to what you all are saying. If you come with care, most of the time friends will be more receptive. So, if you hit her up with, like, “I’m concerned because of this,” I feel like it allows people’s shame to fall away a little bit more and hear that, “Oh, I’m coming out of care.” The intention is, like, “I love you, and I want what’s best for you.” And also, for her to put her own boundaries up. You have to respect your friend, if she says, “Well, you know, I don’t think there’s anything wrong.” Or maybe it’ll take her while to get there. You’re allowed to… “Okay, let’s meet somewhere else.” You know what I mean? You’re allowed to come up with a solution so you can still have your friendship. But I think you all are right about not going with the tough love type of thing but with real love.

Nicole [01:03:46] Yeah. Yeah. What Mary J. Blige has been talking about. “Real love. I’m searching for the real love.” And if you’re searching for answers to your queries, we have an email address–nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. We also have a phone number for texting, voice memos, voicemails, phone calls–but nobody will pick up–424-645-7003.

Sasheer [01:04:25] We also have merch at podswag.com/best friends.

Nicole [01:04:29] Transcripts are what we have for our new episodes! Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

Sasheer [01:04:34] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.

Nicole [01:04:39] Yes. All right. Signing off from the North American continent, I’ve been Nicole Byer.

Sasheer [01:04:50] And down here in sunny Central America, I’m Sasheer Zamata.

Nicole [01:04:56] Adios, amigos.

Sasheer [01:05:00] Hasta luego.

Nicole [01:05:00] No, I did Spanish because you’re in Central America, so you have to say “goodbye” in English.

Sasheer [01:05:06] Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. You can’t just throw rules at me.

Nicole [01:05:11] You can’t follow a simple pattern? Come on.