EP. 228 — Sasheer Learns that She Loves U2!

Nicole: Sasheer.

Sasheer: Nicole.

Nicole: Listen.

Sasheer: What’s going on?

Nicole: Have you seen the trailer to Beyoncé’s documentary?

Sasheer: I have. Yes, I have.

Nicole: I’m excited. I’ve already bought us tickets.

Sasheer: I’m so glad. Thank you for doing that.

Nicole: You’re welcome. I saw that it was coming out, and I was like, “This woman is taking more money from me, and I can’t wait to give it to her.” I’m so deeply excited.

Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah, we already saw the show live. I want to see it again.

Nicole: We saw it live. We get to see behind the scenes, buy another silver outfit to go to the movies… Maybe she’ll tell us a different color to wear to the movies.

Sasheer: Ooh, I hope.

Nicole: I hope so, too. Yeah. What a Christmas treat.

Sasheer: What a Christmas treat.

Nicole: It’s December 1st. It’s the beginning of the holiday season. You know? It’s great. We have that and Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is you. December is going to be great.

Sasheer: There was a part of me… You’ve seen the Vegas… What do they call it? “Ball?”

Nicole: The Sphere?

Sasheer: The sphere. It’s, like, a big old screen. And I was like, “I wonder if they’re playing Renaissance there?” But I didn’t look.

Nicole: Shut the fuck up. If it is, we are flying Comfort Plus to Las Vegas, Nevada. I almost said, “Las Vegas, New Jersey.” And that’s just not it.

Sasheer: No, Nevada.

Nicole: How do we look up what’s playing in the Sphere?

Sasheer: I haven’t even tried.

Nicole: Me either. But does the Sphere show movies, or is it concerts?

Sasheer: I think so far, it’s been concerts. But I feel like this is a concert film.

Nicole: And it should be shown in a sphere.

Sasheer: Right? Okay. Judith’s pulling it up. U2 is there right now. “The Sphere Experience.” Okay.

Nicole: Remember when Apple Music was like, “You all need that U2 album on your phone”? And we were all like, “No!”

Sasheer: Yeah, what’s going on? What kind of pull does U2 have where they are the first on everything? They’re like, “We’ll be the first on your Apple Music. We’ll be the first in the Sphere.” I mean they’re a great band, obviously.

Nicole: I don’t know. Okay, Judith, it starts on December 1st, so we have to go to December. Yeah. I don’t know. I… Do I know U2 songs?

Sasheer: Hmm. I’m sure. But…

Nicole: Like, what is a U2 song?

Sasheer: Is this one?

Jordan: “With or without you…” You know the “With or Without You” one?

Nicole: No.

Judith: Okay. You go, Sasheer.

Sasheer: Is this one? “It’s a beautiful day! Day! It’s a beautiful day!”

Nicole: Okay. I know that. I know that. Okay. So, in November, they just have tickets that you can buy, but it doesn’t say what it’s for.

Sasheer: Whoa.

Nicole: How funny. Let’s buy a ticket to 4:30– 12:00 p.m.? For what?

Sasheer: For what? What’s happening?

Nicole: How funny. The Sphere. Maybe Beyoncé will listen to this podcast and be like, “Listen, we have to go into the Sphere.” Oh, it’s at The Venetian? I thought the Sphere was, like, its own thing.

Sasheer: I also thought it was its own thing.

Nicole: I don’t think we’re going to be able to figure it out. I think we’re too far away from the date.

Sasheer: But it got to November, no?

Nicole: Yeah, but then in November, it was like, “Sorry about it. You could buy a ticket for times not events.”

Sasheer: “We don’t know what we’re going to have yet.” Oh, U2 is the whole time? U2 is there until December. I mean, okay. I guess. That’s a lot of shows.

Nicole: That’s a lot of shows. Aren’t they old and stuff? I have no idea who’s in U2.

Sasheer: Bono… And the guy with the hat. The Edge? Is that–?

Nicole: There’s someone in it named The Edge?

Sasheer: Is that right? Yes, it’s The Edge! He’s the keyboardist. Why do I know that?

Nicole: Wow. So, “Bono, Larry, The Edge, Adam, Ivan, and Dick?”

Sasheer: Yep. That’s U2.

Nicole: Wow. Wild. Who would have…? And, like, people love them like this?

Sasheer: I guess people love them. Yeah. I think my knowledge of them is, like, you know, peripherally… They might be played in, like, the grocery store or something–the dentist’s office.

Nicole: I feel like every day I’m learning about something that everybody loves that I’m like, “What?”

Sasheer: Yeah. Everyone loves them enough for them to be at the Sphere for months–for the rest of the year.

Nicole: Wait. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For?” Is that that Cher song? “I still haven’t found what I’m looking–” That’s not the melody of that. But is the Cher song a cover?

Sasheer: I don’t know. Let’s play it.

Nicole: I think I only know that Beautiful Day one.

Sasheer: I think so. Here.

Nicole: “It’s a beautiful day!”

Sasheer: “Day!”

Nicole: Look at us! We love U2! We gotta get to the Sphere!

Sasheer: Yeah! Turns out I love them!

Jordan: Oh, this was in Runaway Bride–the opening of the movie.

Sasheer: Oh! Oh, yes, I do know this.

Nicole: What’s that chorus hit like?

Sasheer: Yeah, you can fast-forward to… I don’t think I knew this was U2!

Nicole: Wait, this is a Cher song! Wait, so did Cher do it first, or did U2 do it first?

Sasheer: Wait. We gotta get to the chorus for people who don’t know it.

Nicole & Sasheer: “Still haven’t found what I’m looking for!”

Nicole: Which came first–the Cher or the U2? This is just like when I thought that the Beatles were stealing from Tina Turner. But it turned out Tina Turner had just done a cover of a Beatles song.

Sasheer: That happened to me, too–also with the Beatles–where I thought En Vogue did Yesterday. And that is absolutely the Beatles.

Jordan: I believe Cher did the cover of it because on here it’s saying, “I Still Haven’t Found I’m Looking For was released in ’87 on U2’s Joshua Tree album.”

Nicole: Wow.

Sasheer: U2’s been around that long?

Jordan: They’ve been a band since ’76.

Nicole: What?

Jordan: Yeah, because they’re an old Irish band.

Nicole: Wild. Absolutely unhinged. Who knew?

Sasheer: Who knew?

Nicole: I can’t believe it. I can’t believe one of my good Cher songs that I love is a U2 song.

Sasheer: I guess we love them.

Nicole: I guess I love U2. Wow.

Sasheer: Who knew, U2?

Nicole: Oh, my God. I saw a license plate the other day that said, “LOVE U2.” And I wonder if they were talking about the band, U2. How funny.

Sasheer: They love U2 that much. Well, that’s why they have a Sphere show for so long.

Nicole: I guess so. Maybe we should go!

Sasheer: Maybe it’s a good show.

Nicole: “It’s a beautiful day!”

Sasheer: “Day!”

Nicole: And we just sing that over every other song. We’re like., “That’s the one we know!”

Sasheer: They’re like, “Please stop doing that. We’re listening to the other songs.”

Nicole: “‘It’s a beautiful day!’ We won’t stop!”

Jordan: So just to wrap up the U2 thing, so U2 has released 15 studio albums.

Sasheer: Whoa.

Jordan: And they’re one of the world’s best-selling musical artists. And they’ve sold an estimated 150 to 170 million records worldwide. They have won 22 Grammy Awards, and that’s more than any other band. And they might have won more. But in 2005, they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for their first year of eligibility, which some people submit and submit, and they don’t automatically get that. But yeah. So…

Sasheer: Wow.

Nicole: That’s so wild to sell that many records. And then I’m like, “Who are you?” Do you know what I mean? How does that happen?

Sasheer: Because there’s too much content. There’s too many people. It’s too many things to consume.

Nicole: There is a lot of entertainment to consume. I guess I would feel the same way if someone was like, “Who’s Tina Turner?” Or not feel the same way. I think I’d be, like, aghast. I’d be like, “What? You don’t know who Tina Turner is?” But there is someone in this world who doesn’t know who she is, and that’s wild.

Sasheer: And we should find them and kill them.

Nicole: Speaking of murder, I told you last night on the phone that I started watching this movie about a murderous tire. And it’s called Rubber. It is the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if I can recommend it. It is truly an arthouse film about a tire that becomes sentient and then murders. And it is so strange. I can’t really describe it other than–yeah–this is Rubber.

Sasheer: Oh, this came out in 2011?

Nicole: Yeah. 2010, I believe.

Sasheer: Where did you find this?

Nicole: Well, I was trying to find a spooky-ooky for the spooky season. And it was just on max. And I was like, “Let’s try this.” And then I was like, “This isn’t scary, but it is strange.”

Sasheer: Can I see a little bit of the trailer?

Nicole: Oh, I didn’t even know that the tire had a name. His name is Robert.

Sasheer: Big dreams. There’s a cop pulling the tire over. It’s like, “No, that would never happen.” No way!

Nicole: That’s how it kills.

Sasheer: This tire just flew through the car. Oh, my God. But why does this tire want to murder? What happened to it?

Nicole: I don’t know. They never– I mean, I didn’t finish it. But they don’t really answer the question as to why it murders.

Sasheer: And it hurt a crow? I don’t want to see this anymore.

Nicole: Yeah, I just had to turn it off because too many animals were dying. And I said to you last night–I’ll say it again–“The older I get, the more I’m like, ‘We need to spare somebody. We need to spare the animals.’”

Sasheer: Yeah. I don’t want to see animals get killed or…

Nicole: Me either! It’s not nice.

Sasheer: I saw a headline and said that… So, I guess Disney is doing a live action version of Bambi because they’re doing live action versions of everything. And they are either altering or taking out the scene where Bambi’s mom gets shot, so it wouldn’t, I guess, traumatize kids, which I guess is good. But isn’t that the whole reason Bambi’s alone–what starts the journey of the movie?

Nicole: Yeah, some of the comments were like, “Maybe his two moms will get shot to make it woke.” And that made me laugh really hard.

Sasheer: Yeah. The difference is now there’s two moms that get shot.

Nicole: Double the sadness. I mean, I think Bambi’s mother should get shot because where is the representation for the kids’ moms who got shot? Like, that’s where they could go to be like, “Wow, my mom was shot and so was Bambi’s mom.”

Sasheer: That’s true. It’s not like moms don’t get shot.

Nicole: Moms get shot all the time. And honestly, where is the representation for it? Who’s talking about it?

Sasheer: Yeah, because honestly, I haven’t seen Bambi in decades, but I feel like you don’t actually watch her get shot. I mean, don’t you just, like, hear a gunshot and, like, see her fall or something? I don’t know, I can’t remember, but…

Nicole: I think so. And then Bambi’s like, “Oh no!” And then Bambi goes and meets Thumper. And that becomes Bambi’s chosen family. And then I think Bambi grows up. Does Bambi fuck? Does Bambi fall in love?

Sasheer: Bambi never gets old enough to fuck, I don’t think. I mean, in the movie, I think he’s still, like, a little kid. But I think… Doesn’t he see his dad eventually? I feel like I have a memory of him seeing his dad silhouetted in the shadows. But I don’t remember if he went to his dad or we just saw his dad and was like, “Peace. I’m good without you, Dad.”

Nicole: Wait, Bambi has a dad?

Sasheer: No? Or was it a father figure? Jordan, you tell us.

Jordan: I don’t remember the dad. Judith, you might know the dad. But no, Bambi does get bigger because Bambi then has, like, a girlfriend. So, he might be fucking.

Sasheer: Oh, yes. There was a teenage Bambi. I thought he was little the whole time. Yes, he does grow up a little bit.

Jordan: I forget the ending.

Sasheer: Yeah. I also forgot.

Nicole: Also, Bambi was huge, I feel like, when we were kids. Why haven’t I met a man named Bambi?

Sasheer: Huh. I mean, I guess I don’t know if Disney movies have spawned many names because I don’t think I’ve ever met a Simba.

Nicole: A Gaston?

Sasheer: I’ve met Ariels, but those, I think, already existed. Like, I think Ariel was already a common name.

Nicole: I haven’t met any Beasts. But for as many Disney adults that exist, there should be a plethora of Disney named people.

Sasheer: That’s a good point. Which Disney name would you name your kid?

Nicole: Obviously, Bambi.

Sasheer: Really?

Nicole: Yeah. Bambi is a great name. “Come on, Bambi. Let’s go.”

Sasheer: Bambi kind of also sounds like a stripper name.

Nicole: That’s why I love it. Boy or girl–I’m naming them Bambi. Bambi Deuteronomy.

Sasheer: Maybe I would do Jiminy.

Nicole: Sasheer, you have to have a kid. Sasheer and Jiminy.

Sasheer: Jiminy. I like how many syllables there are. It’s, like, one too many.

Nicole: Imagine an adult named Daisy Duck.

Sasheer: That’s funny.

Nicole: That is funny. Minnie. I feel like there’s Minnies in the world. Mulan is a great name. Oh, my God. Olof.

Sasheer: Mowgli. Never heard of a Mowgli in real life.

Nicole: I have. You better believe superstar Ashlee Simpson–Pieces of Me–named her son Bronx Mowgli. How do I know that off the dome? Because she’s a star. And nobody let her be a star.

Sasheer: She is a star. And I’m ready for a comeback.

Nicole: Me too. Autobiography? I encourage everybody listening to revisit Autobiography. Bangers. It is a great album. And her raspy voice… Maybe it was autotune. Maybe she had a little bit of help. But who cares? It’s a great album. She showed that she could hold her own. And that little SNL set snafu? Maybe she shouldn’t have done the hoedown.

Sasheer: I think that is what killed it. I think that moment everyone questioned her talent and integrity, which really sucks because I do think she’s talented. And her songs are good.

Nicole: I agree. And I really wish instead of the hoedown, she had stood there and waited for the music to turn off and say, “I sing to a backing track. I sing to a backing track live. And the wrong one played. And let’s do it. Let’s hit the right one.”

Sasheer: You know, that’s someone who should be in the Sphere. Put Ashlee Simpson in the Sphere.

Nicole: Sasheer! I would buy a ticket in a heartbeat. I would pay the same price I paid to see Beyoncé to see Ashlee Simpson in the Sphere.

Sasheer: Yes!

Nicole: Oh, my God. “On a Monday, I am waiting. And by Tuesday, I am fading. And by Wednesday, I can’t sleep with you” I can’t remember what I did yesterday. But I can remember Ashlee Simpson’s album, Autobiography. Pieces of Me. Oh, my God. Oh, I love her.

Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah, she’s definitely due for a comeback? I think she performed with Demi Lovato earlier this year. And, like, there was some hubbub about that. But then I don’t think anything else happened after that.

Nicole: Well, I hope she’s an avid listener to this podcast. And I hope that she hears us say she needs to have a comeback. And honestly bring Fefe Dobson out of retirement. “Take me away!” I would like to hear her, too.

Sasheer: Yes! We need a pop punk… I mean, there is a pop punk resurgence already. But also, we just need one specifically–

Nicole: I need it to be bigger.

Sasheer: Yeah, we need comebacks.

Nicole: Yes. I mean, like, I’m happy that, like, fun pop has made a comeback and people are like, “Yes!” But give me pop punk. Give me that emo hair. Give it to me!

Sasheer: Should we do a quizzy?

Nicole: Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about Fefe Dobson, though.

Sasheer: I feel like she didn’t have… She, like, really was a flash in the pan. Is that what the expression is? She really, like, came out of nowhere, took over, and then went away so quickly.

Nicole: Yeah, I think she was a one hit wonder. I think she only had Take Me Away.

Jordan: Fefe Dobson–she still lives in Canada. That’s where she’s from. She has a ton of shows in Canada right now. She’s performing the October 16th to the 27th–Ontario, Winnipeg, Ottawa…

Nicole: Oh, so Fefe Dobson left us but never left her homeland of Canada.

Sasheer: Is she making music for Canada?

Jordan: Yeah. She’s still making music.

Sasheer: And we don’t get it over here?

Nicole: Why don’t we get it over here?

Jordan: I just don’t think they’re, like, promoting her heavily in the U.S.

Nicole: But why don’t we get it here?

Sasheer: Why doesn’t it cross the border?

Nicole: It’s just a little border. It’s just a line.

Sasheer: Why won’t they let us have it?

Nicole: Please let us. Does it wash away in Niagara Falls? Oh, my God. Fefe! I guess this is what I’m going to do later–listen to Fefe Dobson. “Bye Bye Boyfriend?” “Ghost?” I don’t know any of these songs. I can’t wait to listen!

Jordan: You don’t know Bye Bye Boyfriend? Judith, can you please play Bye Bye Boyfriend because it is epic. It is an epic song.

Nicole: Oh, this is so moody. I’m into it.

Jordan: Wait till the chorus.

Nicole: Wow. Great skin.

Sasheer: Yeah, truly.

Nicole: Wow. I’m sad that more of her songs didn’t make it over the border.

Sasheer: Yeah, I like this.

Nicole: Me too. Fefe Dobson! Oh, my God! She’s so cool.

Sasheer: She’s so cool.

Nicole: Okay. The more I think about this, the more I need her and Ashlee Simpson to truly go on tour together.

Sasheer: That would be amazing. Wow. I’m in.

Nicole: What a dream.

Sasheer: How do we let them know? How do we let them know?

Nicole: Yeah. Who should I write a letter to? Should I call Joe Biden and Justin Timberdeau? No.

Sasheer: Timberlake?

Nicole: Justin…?

Sasheer: Trudeau.

Nicole: You said Timberlake!

Sasheer: Well, you said Timberdeau or something!

Nicole: Okay.

Sasheer: Let’s do our Halloween quiz. “Spend the Day Eating Fall Comfort Foods to Find Out What You Should Be This Halloween.” Yeah, let’s do it.

Nicole: Let’s do that one. I was invited to a Halloween party by six people I don’t know. And I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of it.

Sasheer: Ooh, spooky.

Nicole: The mystery of the evite!

Sasheer: “Spend the day eating fall comfort foods. Find out what you should be for Halloween. Don’t waste any more time stressing about what you should be for Halloween. We’re here to help.”

Nicole: I’m excited to see what fall foods are.

Sasheer: Oh, yeah. “Pick your breakfast.”

Nicole: “Pumpkin muffin.” That is fall.

Sasheer: “Oatmeal.”

Nicole: Ooh. Hearty. “Pumpkin pancakes.”

Sasheer: Tasty. “Just coffee.”

Nicole: Normally I would have just coffee, but, like, I think ’tis the season!

Sasheer: For…?

Nicole: Pumpkin pancakes.

Sasheer: Oh, okay.

Nicole: Okay. I have a dream that, like, I have a partner and, like, every couple weeks, I wake up early and make them pancakes. Isn’t that a silly dream that maybe one day will come true?

Sasheer: I think it’ll come true.

Nicole: Thank you.

Sasheer: I’m going to have a pumpkin muffin.

Nicole: Are you on the go?

Sasheer: I’m on the go. I don’t have time to sit down for pancakes.

Nicole: Can’t sit down?

Sasheer: I gotta take this on the run. I got leaves to go look at.

Nicole: You do. You’re like one of those people in a big family where there’s a huge spread on the table, and then the dad’s like, “Gotta get to work,” and just takes a coffee and a muffin.”

Sasheer: I know. We need to, like, see the after of that in movies where the mom is just like, “I spent hours on this.”

Nicole: That is very funny, where she’s just throwing things away and she’s like, “Nobody ever eats anything I make.”

Sasheer: Yes!

Nicole: Next. “Pick a beverage.”

Sasheer: “Pumpkin spice latte.”

Nicole: “Coffee.” What is this, sponsored by Big Coffee?

Sasheer: Yes. So much coffee? “Apple cider.”

Nicole: “Tea.”

Sasheer: Apple cider for me, please.

Nicole: Again, I normally would say coffee. But ’tis the season. I’m going to have some sort of yum tea.

Sasheer: “’Tis the season.” “Pick a mid-morning snack.” We’re still eating!

Nicole: I think the quiz is about eating.

Sasheer: I know, but we’ve already had breakfast and now we’re having a mid-morning snack.

Nicole: Well, okay, I think in this reality, we’ve woken up at like 9:00 or 10:00. So, in the morning you’ve had your muffin, you’ve had your chai, and then it’s like 11:30ish. Oh, that’s pretty close.

Sasheer: Right?

Nicole: We really woke up early.

Sasheer: We woke up at 6:00 a.m., pounding some pancakes. And now the hours have passed, and we’re still hungry.

Nicole: Well, we got to pick a mid-morning– Oh, “popcorn.”

Sasheer: Ew. In the morning?

Nicole: Yeah, in the morning? That’s sick.

Sasheer: “Cinnamon sugar donuts.”

Nicole: “Candy?” In the morning? Sick.

Sasheer: Or “Nothing. No thanks.”

Nicole: Oh, see? Sasheer, they’re here for you. You said it was too early to eat again.

Sasheer: Well, if I was up at 6:00 a.m. and I only had a muffin, I think I would want some sugar donuts.

Nicole: Normally, I’d say, “No thanks.” But ’tis the season. And you know, I’m going to take a Schnecken for the beckon. What movie is that from? Do you know?

Sasheer: I have no idea.

Nicole: Does anyone know? A little Schnecken for the beckon. It’s from the Birdcage. And I’m taking a cinnamon sugar donut.

Sasheer: “What’s for lunch?”

Nicole: Ew. “Pumpkin soup.”

Sasheer: “Turkey sandwich.”

Nicole: “Grilled cheese.”

Sasheer: “Salad.”

Nicole: You know what I’ve never understood about grilled cheese? Where people have tomato soup, and they dip it in the grilled cheese– Or they dip the grilled cheese in the soup. I don’t really understand it.

Sasheer: I love that combination. It’s tasty.

Nicole: You don’t think it’s, like, ketchupy?

Sasheer: Hmm. No, because it’s tomatoey. Ketchup has tomato in it. But I guess also because it’s a soup and it’s warm, where ketchup usually isn’t.

Nicole: It’s cold.

Sasheer: And I imagine the seasoning and whatever the soup is makes it taste better.

Nicole: I don’t know if I’ve ever tasted the combination. I’ll be honest.

Sasheer: Okay. So that’s why you don’t get it. “You wouldn’t get it.”

Nicole: “You don’t get it.”

Sasheer: I’m going to have grilled cheese and add some tomato soup to it.

Nicole: Okay. I think that sounds good, I guess, for you. I’m going to say a turkey sandwich because, like, turkey is good.

Sasheer: “Turkey’s good.”

Nicole: “Pick an afternoon snack.”

Sasheer: “Giant pretzel.”

Nicole: Ew. “Candy corn.”

Sasheer: Another “pumpkin spice latte”?

Nicole: I mean, this is actually wild to me. “No thanks,” which is pretty funny.

Sasheer: Yeah, just nothing.

Nicole: “No thanks.”

Sasheer: I would say a giant pretzel for me.

Nicole: I guess I’m going to say a giant pretzel, too, because I’m not eating candy corn.

Sasheer: And you don’t want a pumpkin spice latte? ’Tis the season.

Nicole: I mean, ’tis the season. Hold on, hold on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. I’ve actually never had a pumpkin spice latte.

Sasheer: I haven’t either.

Nicole: So I guess ’tis the season. Let me try it.

Sasheer: Try it! “Lastly, what’s for dinner?”

Nicole: “Pasta.”

Sasheer: “Chili.”

Nicole: “Pizza.”

Sasheer: “Macaroni and cheese.”

Nicole: For dinner? That’s it?

Sasheer: Maybe I’ll have chili because it’s, like, nice and warm and it’s so cold outside and I’m trying to warm myself up from the inside out.

Nicole: I think I’m also going to pick chili because it’s really, like, ’tis the season hearty. And I’ll tell you something. I once ordered chili at a restaurant, and it was so good.

Sasheer: Yeah. That’s great.

Nicole: They gave me a piece of cornbread.

Sasheer: Oh, I like that.

Nicole: And there’s, like, sour cream. And I, like, mushed it. I was like, “What? Huh?” It looked good! Okay.

Judith: This one’s Sasheer.

Sasheer: I’m a witch! “Traditional yet fun, you just can’t go wrong with this costume.” Okay. I can be a witch.

Nicole: I can see that for you. I’m a pumpkin? “Just a bit spooky. You’ll certainly match the season…” For whatever reason, this feels like it’s trolling me.

Sasheer: Also, the picture they have is a person who has a pumpkin just on their head.

Nicole: A literal pumpkin on their head.

Sasheer: And then, like, black clothes.

Nicole: Well, it’s kind of like Megan Thee Stallion. Have you seen her yearly Halloween picture where she wears a pumpkin?

Sasheer: That is really funny.

Nicole: God, I love Meg Thee Stallion.

Sasheer: Well, there you go. You’re a pumpkin.

Nicole: I’m a fucking pumpkin. I can’t fucking believe it. This sucks. I don’t want to just be a pumpkin. Get real.

Sasheer: Yeah. I’m sorry.

Nicole: Grow up, BuzzFeed.

Sasheer: But ’tis the season!

Nicole: You know what? ’Tis the season. Maybe it’s good that I’m a pumpkin. Okay. All right. All right. I’m good being a pumpkin.

Sasheer: Yeah. There we go.

Nicole: Thank you. It took a little bit of convincing. Speaking of Meg Thee Stallion, we saw Dicks: The Musical. Apparently, all I want to talk about is movies. We saw Dicks: The Musical.

Sasheer: Now that we can.

Nicole: And I need to encourage everyone to go see it. Wait, can I? Oh, yes. They signed the interim agreement so we can talk about it. Our friends Josh and Aaron wrote one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. And Megan Thee Stallion is in it. And she’s fucking great.

Sasheer: Really great. Yeah. Like, great performance. And then it’s a musical, so she has her own song, and it’s, like, incredible.

Nicole: Yeah, it’s incredible. And they only– I think they’ll say this. They didn’t have her for that long, and she fucking delivers.

Sasheer: Yeah.

Nicole: True professional.

Sasheer: Professional.

Nicole: Should we help the children of the future–help now and let them see the way?

Sasheer: “Help the children of the future! Help them now!”

Nicole: “Help them be who they’ve always wanted to be!”

Sasheer: Yes.

Nicole: Great. Mommy McBusy! “Nicole and Sasheer. First of all, let me say I am a card-carrying member of your fan club. I mean, seriously, if you two started a podcast about the history of Delta, I’d be all in and I’d probably learn something, too.” I mean, Sasheer and I have been going on and on about Delta changing their Medallion Status rules, and it’s… Wow. We won’t get into it now. “Now onto the matter at hand. I need your sage advice on a friend’s situation that I’m unsure of how to solve. I got into this tight knit foursome–including me–of friends from a previous job. And it was all sunshine and rainbows until our dear friend–let’s call her ‘Mommy McBusy’–decided to tie the knot and welcome a tiny human into her life.”

Sasheer: “Don’t get me wrong, we’re thrilled for her. We’ve even rehearsed our oohs and ahs for the baby’s inevitable cuteness overload. But here’s the thing. Mommy McBusy has gone full on hermit crab on us. She’s wedged herself into her cozy home, and it seems like she’s thrown away the key.”

Nicole: “Our other friend, who lives almost two hours away, comes to the city at least twice a week for work. So, we would like to go to dinner on a weekday so that she’s able to come as well. Mommy McBusy also drives into the city a few days a week for work. But other than that, she’s firmly in her baby bunker. And that’s where she wants us, too. She’s become the queen of the come-to-my-house club. And as women who have chosen thus far to be childfree, we don’t want that to be the sole option. Also, I want to mention we have all driven on previous occasions to visit her with the baby.”

Sasheer: “We’re all about supporting her, but we’d also love it if she’d meet us halfway. We tried everything short of hiring a skywriter to ask her, ‘Can we please go out for dinner–just the four of us–pretty please? But her response is always the same. ‘My schedule is too busy.’”

Nicole: “Don’t get me wrong, her baby is adorable, and we’re glad she’s settling into motherhood. But is it too much to ask for a real conversation? If there’s a reason behind this, I would love to know how we can help her. And let’s not even talk about the group chat. The tumbleweeds are practically rolling in there while her Snapchat stories are on a constant loop.”

Sasheer: “Look, I’ve seen friends become working moms before, and I know it’s no picnic in the park. But this feels like uncharted territory. So, we’re turning to you, the dynamic duo of wisdom and humor, for some much-needed guidance. How do we keep our friendship afloat if we feel we’re the only ones that are concerned with staying above water? Thanks in advance for your expert advice and keeping the podcasting legends you are.” Okay.

Nicole: I feel like if you haven’t already tried it–and it seems like our listener friend has tried everything–but instead of being like, “Can you meet this week?” it’s like, “Can you meet four weeks from now?” “Can you meet a month from now?” So maybe instead of her… Because also, she has a new baby. I think we tend to not think about things from the other person’s perspective because this person has a new baby. And, you know, maybe their Snapchat is showing that it’s all well and good and fun, but maybe they’re having postpartum depression. And maybe they’re, like, sad. And maybe it’s hard for them to leave the house. So maybe if you give them ample time to get all their ducks in a row, maybe that would be something for them to look forward to instead of, like, a “Shit, I have to do this this week” type deal. Maybe that would be helpful?

Sasheer: Yeah. I feel like the parents who I do see in my life–they do need time to plan because they gotta get a babysitter or ask their partner if they can watch the kid. Navigation has to happen in the household before they can just leave the house and go get dinner, which maybe you already are doing. But yeah, I agree with what Nicole is saying. Maybe give well advanced warning. And maybe you can ask the group, so it’s not targeting this one friend, like, “Hey! We miss our group hangs. Can we agree on a monthly hang?” Maybe you could be like, “The fourth Sunday of every month, we know for sure we’re all going to see each other. And if we see each other more than that during the month, that’s awesome.” But maybe that takes a little pressure off of this new parent friend to be like, “Okay. I know I can schedule that.” And then, you know, maybe she can include that in the schedule she already has with work, baby, partner, etc. And then see how that goes, and then maybe it can increase. But also, she’s a new mom. Like, of course she wants to be home. I feel like the parents I actually do hang out with have a couple kids. They’re not hanging out–leaving their house–on the first kid because this is all new to them and they don’t know what the hell they’re doing. And they’re scared. Yeah. So, they’re watching every moment this kid has to make sure they’re alive, trying to figure out how to, like, live their life still. And then when the second kid comes, they’re like, “Oh. I know I can leave. They’ll be fine.”

Nicole: Yeah. And if it is like, “Come to my house,” maybe there is a happy medium where it’s like, “We’ll come to you, but let’s go to Chili’s by you. Or let’s go to a restaurant by you. So, like, we can meet you halfway–we will come to you, so you don’t have to travel that far. But we’re not going to be in your house with your baby.”

Sasheer: Yeah. I’ve also been to friends’ places where they were like, “Come at this time so we can have dinner and, like, we’ll be eating dinner while I’m feeding my baby. But then right after, I’m putting the baby down. And then we can hang out while the baby’s sleeping.” And I feel like that’s, like, a nice moment, as opposed to, like, the baby is just awake and hanging out with all these adults. Or it’s like, “Let’s hang out close to the time when the baby’s being put down, and then we can still, like, hang out in the living room and drink wine and talk and stuff like that.” And then the mom still feels connected to the kid because the kid is in the next room or something.

Nicole:Isn’t it weird that we “put babies down” but we “put down dogs” when they die?

Sasheer: Yeah. Why do we “put babies down”? It sounds like you’re going to kill the kid, right?

Nicole: “I put my baby down.” And it’s like, “Oh, my God. What was wrong with it?”

Sasheer: “He was just a little too sleepy.”

Nicole: “Oh, my God. I can’t believe you put your baby down. Was she sick?” “Nope. Sleepy.” That is so wild.

Sasheer: “A little cranky, so I put her down.”

Nicole: “I put her right down.” “Oh, my God. Are you doing okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine.” Weird. I wonder what other things in English mean something drastic. Oh, yeah. I hope we helped you. I didn’t mean to say it like that. I genuinely do hope we helped. But yeah, what else in English?

Sasheer: “Break a leg?”

Nicole: Oh, yeah. “Break a leg.”

Sasheer: I don’t know if this is true, but I saw a video that said you say “Break a leg” so that you hope someone gets cast. It’s for actors to get cast, which makes sense to me.

Nicole: I think in that same video, someone was like, “Pinterest means pin your interest. ” And I fell right out of bed.

Sasheer: I was like, “Were people confused by that?”

Nicole: I was. Never occurred to me. Great big dummy over here.

Sasheer: All right, let’s listen to another question.

Nicole: Hell yeah.

Caller: Hello. Okay. Love the podcast. Love you guys. Alright. Okay. I have a friend who I love–I adore. She is one of my really good friends in Los Angeles. I met her in my 30s, which is always hard to do sometimes. And she’s a boss ass bitch, man. She’s fucking busy. She puts on these crazy events, and she manages a team of hundreds of people to put on these crazy events. I’m so proud of her. The thing is that she’s hella busy, which… Respect. I get it. What bothers me is when we have plans, she bails 90% of the time. And maybe it’s me? I really don’t think so. I’m pretty confident, like, we’re good friends. Like, you know, we really value each other. We are very honest, and we have very long conversations with each other. And I know a lot about her life. She knows a lot about my life. But she just is so busy sometimes she just doesn’t manage… I think she wants to go out. She wants to hang out. She’s very optimistic. But then when the time comes, paired with, like, how much she works, she’s just like, “I just can’t fucking do it.” You know? And that’s fine. But I’m bothered by it. It really bothers me. And tonight, we were supposed to hang out. And she just got done with this, like, huge festival that she put on. There was no way she was going to be able to do it. But I saved this time for her. And then she bails on me. And now it’s Friday, and I don’t have plans. And it bothers me. And I know I need to talk to her about it. And I want to do it in a way where I can come at it in a kind way but also acknowledge how proud of her I am. She’s doing these really big things, and I get it. I get it. But also, it’s not fair to tell me and have me put my time aside and have me, you know, not do other things, not make other plans, or get excited about seeing her when I know it’s usually not going to happen. She’s just too busy and tired. And yeah, I don’t know. How do I talk to her about it? I just really like her. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Okay. Thank you.

Sasheer: I don’t think you need to worry about hurting her feelings or not because this is a relationship that you want to keep fostering. And sometimes you have to have hard conversations in relationships, especially if you want them to improve. Otherwise, you could just be like, “Peace out. I’ll never hang out with you again and find other friends.” But if you actually want to keep hanging out with this person, you do need to have a talk. And even just, like, bringing it up doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a bad person. But you can say, “It doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me feel like I’m not a priority in your life when you cancel on me, especially last minute.” There’s no thought there. She’s not thinking, “Oh, my friend…” She’s not thinking at all. She’s not thinking, “Maybe my friend will keep doing the activity without me. Or maybe she’ll find a different friend.” She doesn’t care, or it’s coming off as if she doesn’t care and just bailing. And now, like you said, you have a Friday night that’s free with no plans. So, you know that you should talk to this person. I think you can come at it from your perspective of, like, “Hey, I know you’re busy. But when you bail on me, it makes me feel like you don’t prioritize me or my time. And I like hanging out with you. I think you like hanging out with me. And I just want you to communicate more. Like, if you really don’t think you can do these plans, I would rather know well in advance, as opposed to the day of, so I can find someone else to go do these things or figure out if I want to do something else entirely.” And if this is your reality… Like for me, I would feel like I don’t even want to ask this person to do things anymore because I expect them to cancel all the time, which you can say, too. “I want to keep hanging out with you. That’s why I keep asking. But if you keep bailing, it makes me less inclined to do that. And that makes me sad.”

Nicole: I know that–me personally–I over promise things to people. I say, “Oh, I’ll be back on Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday night I can hang out,” knowing full well that either I’m going to be exhausted or bail. And Mano recently texted me and was like, “You want to hang out this day?” And I was like, “I get back that day.” And he was like, “Well, do you want to tentatively plan something, and you let me know when you land how you’re feeling?” And I was like, “Yes.” And it is annoying that it’s a step that you might have to take with your friend. But you did say that she planned a festival, and she might be tired from it and then she bailed. So, did you just set yourself up to be disappointed by making plans with her, knowing that she’s going to be tired and she’s going to bail because that is the behavior that she has exhibited currently and she is fulfilling a prophecy that’s in your head already? So maybe it’s like, “Hey, I know we made plans. You just planned this festival. Do you think you’re going to be tired? Should we move this to three days after you’ve done that? What’s a day that you have literally nothing–you’ve done nothing the day before and you have nothing the day after–where we know that we’re going to hang out and nothing will come in the middle of it? I do think you understand what’s going on. And I know it’s not your job to be like, “Let me work around what this person says that they are capable of doing.” But I know for me personally, I tend to promise everybody everything. And it’s really hard to deliver that.

Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah. I think all those things can happen. I think you can also be aware of how you’re planning things. If this person tells you their schedule and it’s busy, you could be like, “Oh, maybe I should have the foresight to know maybe they will bail on this date.” And I think you should also tell this person how you feel because maybe that will help them be more conscious as well. Like, everyone can do their job. You can think about their schedule, she can think about your time, and hopefully a compromise can be made and people can be more truthful in the future as far as when they can’t hang out and when they can’t. Yeah.

Nicole: I’m trying to get better at it personally.

Sasheer: Yeah. Do you have an idea why you over promise things? How did you phrase it?

Nicole: I think it’s, like, “overcommit.” Yeah. I think it’s because 1) I’m a people pleaser, 2) I’m gone so much and I do so many things that I’m like, “I do want to hang out with my friends!” So especially if I’m like, “I love this person, and I want to see them,” I tend to say, “Yes, I can do it all,” when it’s like, “Can you?”

Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah. Realistically, you’ll be tired.

Nicole: I’ll be sleepy. Solved!

Sasheer: Solved!

Nicole: “Dear Nicole and Sasheer. You two are the best. Thank you for your podcast. Listening to you and your amazing friendship brings me so much joy and reminds me of the power of great friendship. You’re both hilarious, gorgeous, and radiant beings.”

Sasheer: “My shit: I lost my closest friendship last year. She and I had been friends since middle school. We lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same college together. We lived together. We were inseparable. Then the pandemic happened, and she went through some major life mental health relationship stuff with her husband. Her husband was my friend, too–though not as close as a friend as she and I were, of course. They’d been together for over a decade at this point, so I knew him really well.”

Nicole: “Basically, as the trouble in their relationship got worse, they took their anger out on me. I’ll spare you the details, but there was a lot of manipulation and–it’s an overused term, but I swear it’s true here–gaslighting, I guess maybe they took out their own shit on me because I was their only common close friend.”

Sasheer: “I finally confronted them about it, and my best friend denied it all–said I was being overly emotional and that I had a codependent relationship with her. Honestly, she was the more dependent one. She blamed me for leaving the city when COVID hit and said she felt like I had abandoned her, even though my partner has severe asthma and was terrified of staying here. And I invited her and her husband to come with us to the countryside. Also, we were only gone for three months and then came right back to the city.”

Nicole: “I heard her out. We took space. We tried to talk again, didn’t get anywhere, took space again, tried to talk again–not great. She never got really honest with me and never apologized for her actions, and now the friendship feels very much over.”

Sasheer: “We haven’t spoken in almost a year. It’s heartbreaking. I know I did all I could to fight for the relationship, but it still hurts. Anyway, I was wondering if you had any advice for someone who has lots of close friendships. I’ve been doing much better, but it feels like the hardest breakup I’ve ever been through. Thanks for reading.”

Nicole: I mean, it does suck that it’s been a year and it still hurts. But I get that. Somebody that you were super, super close to and you stopped speaking to–tons of stuff remind you of that person. I mean, I feel like the advice is all the quintessential things. It’s like, “Live your life, diva! Go do fun things! Try to make different friends!” But I don’t know. It’s sad.

Sasheer: It is sad. It is a breakup. And I think, like any relationship, time will help. I don’t know if it will get rid of it completely. But I think eventually you’ll be like, “Oh, I guess I don’t think about this person that much.” I had a friendship falling out with somebody. And I thought about them a lot. And I was very sad whenever I thought about them. And things would remind me of this person. And then, I think, I also would remember, like, how good I feel without this person in my life because that person did cause stress. And it was nice to feel like, “Oh, I don’t have to deal with that anymore.” Or, like, how great my other relationships are, or how much better they make me feel… And then eventually a time came where I was like, “Oh, I hardly think about this person at all.” And I don’t really know when that transition happened or how long it took. But I think it’s okay to be sad about it because it is sad. But then I think, you know, everything you described to us doesn’t sound healthy or fun or kind or loving. So, you can remember those moments too and be like, “It’s sad that I lost this person because I did love them. But also, they did these things that made it not feel really good to be in the relationship. So maybe it’s for the best that we’re not that close anymore.”

Nicole: Yeah. I mean, I think you miss them. But I think you’re right, Sasheer. You need to think about how you feel. Do you feel better not speaking to this person? Do you feel less stress? Do you feel less anxiety? And if the answer is yes to any of those things, this might be for the best.

Sasheer: Yeah. Solved.

Nicole: Solved. If you have things you want to know about, sasheerandnicole@gmail.com is the email. 424-645-7003 is the number you can call. Or leave a voice memo.

Sasheer: And did you have things you want to buy? We have merch at podswag.com/bestfriend.

Nicole: If you got stuff you want to read, we have stuff to read. Oh no! We have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

Sasheer: Lastly, if you want ways to support this show, you can rate, review, and subscribe!

Nicole: Well, Sasheer, that’s it for us. From you and yours, see you later.

Sasheer: See you later.