EP. 336 — The King’s Daughter LIVE!

Paul Scheer [00:00:00] Hello, people of Earth. It’s me, Paul Scheer, with a very special announcement. For years you’ve been asking me, Paul. When are we going to get more childhood stories? You should write them down. And you know what I did? I wrote down my stories, and I have a damn book. It is called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. It is coming out in May, but it is available for preorder right now. And actually, that’s more important. Preorder is huge in the publishing world. I would love it if you’d be so inclined to get an audiobook, an e-book wherever books are sold. But I’ll tell you this much if you go to one of the links on any of our social media sites, you will see that Amazon right now is running a deal for 1499. And here’s the thing. Because preorder, I’m going to give back something very cool. I’ve actually invested a lot of money. My own money. I’m not making any money on this, but I’ve invested some money on trying to make a very cool thing for everybody who preorders the book. It’s going to have like a website component, and there’s actually going to be something that is going to be mailed to your house. I’ll get into that a lot later. But Joyful Recollections of Trauma. It is available for preorder wherever you get your books, your e-books, whatever. It’s coming out from Harpercollins. Thank you guys for giving me this push. And you know what? Uh, I’ll say thank you in person in February in San Diego and San Francisco, where we just announced two a brand new shows. That’s right, February 3rd and fourth, we’re going back to San Fran, and then we are finally going back to San Diego, which we haven’t done since Top Dog. Oh, the ill fated Top Dog. Go to HDTGM.com For tickets and info. Movies will be announced soon and guess what? London Tour, UK tour. We’re adding more dates. Thank you guys for buying tickets everywhere in London. It’s been amazing. Uh, UK, Dublin you guys are bringing it. We thank you all the information is on there at HDTGM.com. We’ll see you on the road. And thank you once again for pushing me to write this book. And I would love it if you could preorder it.

 

Paul Scheer [00:02:00] Like the mermaid always says (Chattering Noises). We saw The King’s Daughter, so you know what that means.

 

Music [00:02:14] [Intro Song]

 

Paul Scheer [00:03:06] Hello people of Earth and hello people of Portland! We are here today to talk about the 2022 film The King’s Daughter. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. And I told too many people to watch this movie. But you don’t have to watch this movie. If you want to know the plot, well, I’ll say The King’s Daughter is a deceptive title. It should be called The King Who Wants to Fillet a mermaid. Because that’s the premise a king wants to kill a mermaid. Mermaid killer would have been a better title, I think. Yes, he does have a daughter. We’ll get into it all tonight here on the show. But before I can break it down any more for you, let me introduce my co-host. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:24] What’s up, jerks!? How are we doing Portland, Maine? That’s right. We’re getting a late start because we were at Rennie’s buying Carhartt shit. Rennie. Rennie. Rennie. Rennie. Rennie. Rennie. Let’s go to Rennie’s. We have expired chocolate to buy and socks.

 

Paul Scheer [00:04:58] Jason.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:00] Paul.

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:01] The King’s daughter.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:02] Is it? I. I took so many notes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:08] The most notes I’ve ever taken.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:09] And was looking at them just prior and was like, I don’t know what any of this means. I don’t know if these are notes from the movie, this movie, this I mean, just I mean, over and over in my notes, I did write, “Remember, these people are French.”

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:27] Oh, that’s really good.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:30] Because it’s a cast of Americans, Brits and Australians. Fuck this movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:36] I wanted to ask you about that but I’ll say, hey, I’ll say my big question. Which was isn’t Pierce Brosnan supposed to be French? So much so that I think.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:45] The actor? Or his character?

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:49] His character, King Louis the Fourteenth.

 

Indiscernible [00:06:02] [Paul and Jason arguing over each other]

 

June Diane Raphael [00:06:07] I gotta get down here.

 

Paul Scheer [00:06:08] June Diane Raphael!

 

June Diane Raphael [00:06:11] I can’t wait any longer.

 

Paul Scheer [00:06:13] So sorry, June. I didn’t want to get into it.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:06:14] Can’t talk about. I cannot stand back there and hear you talk about the accents and not get out here on stage with my friends.

 

Paul Scheer [00:06:22] Well, first of all, let me say, uh, how are you, June?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:06:25] I’m okay.

 

Paul Scheer [00:06:29] I’m glad to hear it. And yes, so this movie messed me up so much that I literally googled Louis the 14th. I was like, maybe I’m confused.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:06:44] Did you not see Versailles?

 

Paul Scheer [00:06:44] Well, I know it’s Versailles. I know he’s the King of France, but I thought maybe something happened in French history for a little bit.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:54] With the mermaids?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:06:55] Wow.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:56] Where you were like, oh wait, so you went to the history texts to be like, when did the King of France get a mermaid? When did the King of France hire a guy from not Lord of the rings to go and get a mermaid?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:07:11] Okay, I’ve got to tell you, there was a point, there was a moment where I did almost Google King Louis the 14th mermaids just to see what would come up. But my Google search, I’m. I know I’m on many lists, many watch lists because of what I’m googling because of this podcast, but, um, I did at one point think, is there any historical context to this, to this motion picture?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:43] I do think.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:07:44] Was he fascinated by mermaids?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:45] Was there an obsession with. And I think the only thing that you really understand to be absolute truth is at the end when they discover Atlantis is. When they actually swim to Atlantis.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:08:00] Honestly, it’s the best ending for a movie I’ve ever seen.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:03] Better than Aquaman.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:08:06] When I tell you, Jason and Paul, that for, I want to say the vast majority of the movie I thought, wait, that’s the doctor, right? Right there?

 

Paul Scheer [00:08:17] Yeah, yeah.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:08:20] I thought they were the same person. Oh, I was, ah, the same person.

 

Paul Scheer [00:08:25] I was confused at the love interest or the the evil love interest and the doctor were the same person.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:30] Arguably should have been the same person. The movie would have been cleaner. The movie is cluttered with people as if to say we we are able to shoot at Versailles.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:08:41] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:42] So we gotta fill this screen with people.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:08:44] Cluttered with white people. One black person. And I want to see her story because wow.

 

Paul Scheer [00:08:51] They clutter.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:51] That’s the more interesting movie, Paul.

 

Paul Scheer [00:08:54] There’s so many things to get into. Let me just go back and say yes, the movie ends in Atlantis. Digest that. Now what I forgot when the movie ended in Atlantis was the first image on the screen in the beginning of the movie was the words. The words was Louis the 14th is obsessed with finding Atlantis. That was never said by a character that was never alluded to here. That was never in the movie. The movie is bookended by Atlantis, and that’s it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:36] And not only that, I feel like there are so many, um, breadcrumbs or not even breadcrumbs. There are so many ways to figure out that this movie was. You said, as you said, Paul came out in 2022, shot in the year of our Lord, 2014.

 

Paul Scheer [00:09:55] Eight years on the shelf.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:58] So there’s so many things that tell you that this is a troubled production or a troubled film, one of which is there is both words at the beginning, like a crawl at the beginning that gives you an exposition dump. Then at the beginning and end are needless voiceover.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:10:18] And there’s don’t forget, there’s a book. Yes. Where pictures turn into real life actions.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:24] Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:24] Sometimes I thought that book was passing too many pages. I’m like, slow down, we’re missing plot.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:29] Well, that’s the other. That’s the other thing that’s a problem is this is like a scene is like 30s long.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:36] This is like a bedtime story told to you by a drunk relative. It’s like I’m the mermaid. Oh, wait, wait, I forgot that I forgot Atlantis.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:44] Paul, is this a story that you’re about to tell?

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:47] That would be too normal for my family life.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:10:49] When I tell you I thought, okay, we’re watching a movie. When I sat down on the airplane this morning from Los Angeles, I thought, okay, we’re watching a movie called The King’s Daughter. I was ready for some palace romance. I was ready for comedy of manners.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:04] I was ready for something Princess diaries-esque.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:11:07] Yes. What I was not ready for. Was a tale about mermaids.

 

Paul Scheer [00:11:16] A tale about killing mermaids.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:11:20] And. And looking at so many, like medical drawings of the intestines of a mermaid like that I couldn’t have imagined when I saw the title of this film.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:30] The drawing that is The Doctor with the scalpel, who’s drawing the picture of the doctor? If you draw something, it is the anatomy of the thing. But the mermaid is just you’re seeing it from the side and it’s like, just guess who’s the most important.

 

Paul Scheer [00:11:47] That is the oddest drawing in the movie, because it’s a giant piece of rolled up parchment that she finds placed on the floor. It’s like, when would you ever take that out to show anyone? Like, and this is what I’m going to do. Knife belly like it was not over.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:12:08] I had so many questions about the doctor who’s also that the rich merchant. I was like, well, now this doctor has the mermaid in that little area, that little.

 

Paul Scheer [00:12:19] The grotto.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:12:20] The grotto.

 

Paul Scheer [00:12:21] Which I think is where they get their drinking water, this, which they’re drinking mermaid shit.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:12:28] He seems to report that everything’s looking great. All the organs are looking great. Eternal. You know, her eternal heartbeat or whatever that is. All. Everything is sort of checking out. And I’m like, how do you know this? What are the procedures? What are the protocols? What are the checklists you’re going through.

 

Paul Scheer [00:12:48] Talking about books like, look at this. This is, uh, the scene three here, a scene three, listen to the assured nature in which he presents nonsense.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:01] Oh, wait a minute. It’s based on a book?

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:05] Pause it, Beth. Not only is it based on a book. This book won the Nebula Award, which kicked Game of Thrones out of its like when Game of Thrones came out. This book won the award of the best sci fi book. So there you go.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:24] Okay, out of curiosity, do. Is it possible? And I hesitate to do this. Did anybody here read the book? Is there a book fan here?

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:32] There’s one right there.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:33] Only one.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:34] Two.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:35] Two. In the book, they eat the mermaid?

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:39] Hold on. I need to get out there.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:13:43] Ask her. Paul.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:47] Be so careful. Paul.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:13:49] Ask her if he gets eternal life.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:51] Where are you? Where are you? Okay, you read the book.

 

Audience Member [00:13:54] I didn’t read the book.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:55] Oh, well.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:56] Walk away.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:56] All right, all right, all right, all right. Oh, you read the summary of the book? Or did you read the book back there? All right, I want to go to the read the book person. I mean, we can’t be given out special awards for Wikipedia entries here. All right, you read the book. Okay. Tell us a little bit about the book.

 

Audience Member [00:14:18] It was a lot.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:20] Is this a faithful adaptation?

 

Audience Member [00:14:22] No, no way.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:24] Do they in fact eat the mermaid?

 

Audience Member [00:14:26] They tried to. That’s the point.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:14:28] And then what happens?

 

Audience Member [00:14:30] Uh, they they escape, but. Oh, God. It’s been a while.

 

Paul Scheer [00:14:35] All right, I’m going to go back to summary.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:14:37] Yes, go back to the summary person, babe.

 

Paul Scheer [00:14:39] Go back to summary.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:40] Great job. Great job.

 

Paul Scheer [00:14:42] Summary might know it a little bit better okay.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:44] I feel like them eating the mermaid would have made this movie so much better if if when they come back to Pablo Schreiber again. Liam’s brother. If instead he was making like a, uh, like an olive oil lemon capers. If he was just going to cook their cooker up.

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:05] All right. So what do you remember from the summary?

 

Audience Member [00:15:09] Well I read it today at work. Um, the king tried to eat the mermaid for eternal life because in the book, it they wanted to cut the heart out in the eclipse and everything that didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. But the one thing I noticed about the movie, and I want to say this to June, because we’re the same age, are the dresses from Macy’s at that?

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:30] Uh, she, she she kind of snuck in like, I know something to sneak in. Like a question for you since we are not asking questions yet.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:15:45] Yeah, there were a couple of like, listen, when I was growing up, I grew up in the time, I guess, as did you of, like, Jessica McClintock prom dresses, which to me, I was like, there’s nothing finer. There’s nothing more beautiful. There’s there’s no fashion except for Jessica McClintock dresses. And that’s what these they reminded me of. They’re very off the rack in this movie. And it’s. You can’t. You certainly can tell. But I liked her wedding dress.

 

Paul Scheer [00:16:12] I would say that historians might say to you that they are so historically inaccurate. And one of the ways that you can find out that is that there’s a lot of zippers showing. Not too many zippers at the time of Louis the XIV.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:27] The other thing that bumps a little bit is, once again, none of these people are French, and they are aggressively not French.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:16:38] They’re not French. But I will say they all, everybody in the movie does adapt and adopt some sort of an accent.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:45] Some sort of an accent, but not a French accent.

 

Paul Scheer [00:16:48] I thought that William Hurt was trying something and it’s I know it, also as somebody who acts when you’re not fully confident. I’m going to just if I tried subtly, maybe you can’t tell or maybe it’s perfect and I feel like it was underneath. I think I’m talking a little French, but I’m not going to push it like it was just.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:17:17] Yeah, he slowed it all down a little bit so you couldn’t quite tell where he was.

 

Paul Scheer [00:17:22] I love Paris.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:25] That’s also, by the way, Pierce Brosnan too.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:17:29] I have to say something about Pierce Brosnan’s performance. I think this is one of his best performances. He is free. He’s free on this.

 

Paul Scheer [00:17:40] Look at him. He. He struts like Mick Jagger. He needs that Fabio wig in every performance. I want James Bond in that Fabio wig.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:17:51] I loved it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:52] I’m all about a movie about, like, a carousing king of France, played by Pierce Brosnan. This isn’t that movie. This movie is, weirdly also The Shape of Water, but also.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:18:04] That’s one of my favorite movies.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:06] Also Princess Diaries.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:18:08] I told you that. Shape of Water, Sally Hawkins, her performance, everything. That’s one of my favorite movies.

 

Paul Scheer [00:18:17] I have never heard you talk about that movie.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:18:21] I love that movie. It’s who I am is that movie. So if you don’t know that about me, you know nothing.

 

Paul Scheer [00:18:29] Let’s just hear the exposition from this scene. Here we go.

 

Movie Audio [00:18:42] Fantastic news, your Majesty. De la Crosse ship sails for home in possession of the miraculous cargo. The coming eclipse is perfect timing. The books are clear about these matters and specify that the creature must be sacrificed right as the moon passes in front of the sun in order to transfer its gift of eternal life.

 

Movie Audio [00:19:03] Perhaps we should withhold our glee until we have proof that your books are not just fiction.

 

Movie Audio [00:19:08] Relax, father. Surely the doctor wouldn’t be risking his reputation on this outlandish claim unless he was feeling very confident.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:20] So that is the premise. The mermaid must be killed during an eclipse so he can have eternal life.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:19:28] But that’s fine. That’s just fine by me. Where I get lost is that concurrently the other story that seems pretty much happenstance is that William Hurt has decided to bring his long lost daughter into the palace. Just to say.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:49] Wait, William Hurt does that?

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:51] No.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:52] I think that doesn’t.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:53] The king. The king says, I want a new composer, but he also wants money.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:19:59] Okay, okay.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:00] Since when was she the best composer?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:20:02] No idea. We never hear her make music in that convent.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:06] We heard that because she went into the unholy sea, which seemed to be a little addendum to religion that I was not aware of. Like, don’t go swimming. The devil is in the water. Okay, sure. But that was odd, they go and we broke your cello. Burned it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:26] Can I ask a question, though? Do you think that they were telling her, don’t go into the sea because she’s part mermaid?

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:34] Is she?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:35] I think the movie. The movie is trying to tell us she is part mermaid because she can hear the song. She knows it’s a song, everybody.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:20:44] So then Pierce Brosnan fucked a mermaid at some point? So she’s half mermaid.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:49] I think Pierce Brosnan is out there fucking whatever comes along.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:20:54] We do know that about him.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:54] Including mermaids, whatever.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:57] Oh, why is my bed so wet? Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I fucked a salmon last night. No no no no no, a tuna, you know.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:10] Remember? I mean, William Hurt comes in every morning to absolve him of his sins, and he’s like, uh, fucked Mrs.. Whozamagooza last night. And I guess I’ll say a prayer and be cool now.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:21:22] Oh, 1,000%. Like every woman in the court is his daughter. Like every single woman there.

 

Paul Scheer [00:21:28] My favorite thing, he said that, you know, they shot in Versailles. They shot this movie in Versailles for three months.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:21:34] That’s crazy.

 

Paul Scheer [00:21:35] Three months. It seems like while Versailles is this amazing location, they could only afford about six extras. And they only put them as couples. And the same couples are like, hmm hmm hmm. Like they’re always. These are the most judgmental people I’ve ever met, and they’re always the same three couples.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:59] She is, she is. Apparently, we’ve only seen her ride horses and swim in the ocean, but is so competent, a musical performer and composer that she is hired to be the King’s composer. Even though she is his daughter, she does not know he does, but the King’s composer’s main job appears to be play music for him outside his window in the morning, like a human alarm clock.

 

Paul Scheer [00:22:25] Human alarm clock.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:22:27] I always was like, wow, that would be great. I just didn’t understand these two different storylines that were had nothing to do with each other.

 

Paul Scheer [00:22:36] Three because it’s the the King needs a composer. The king needs a daughter to marry the rich guy so they get more money in the treasury and the king needs to kill a mermaid. Those are the three concurrent plots. But then the movie does a weird thing, which is like, we know she’s the daughter, he knows she’s the daughter.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:00] She doesn’t know.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:02] But she doesn’t know, but the father knows. Then they reveal it and it’s like, well, that’s not really a twist for anybody. We all are in on it like we’re all here.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:11] The movie is called The King’s Daughter.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:13] Yeah, we are aware.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:15] So that’s I spent like the first half of the movie because they weren’t acting like father and daughter at all, and in fact, they were acting as if they were love interests.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:23:26] I did not like that waltz scene. That dancing scene, I was like, this is too charged.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:33] By the way, better chemistry than any other couple in the whole movie.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:23:37] Except for except for her and The Mermaid, because, yeah, at one point I was like, oh, she’s a lesbian, this is Sapphic. She’s ending up with this mermaid and I’m here for it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:48] Now, can I say something that you may already know so forgive me, but may blow your mind otherwise? She, after making this movie, marries not Lord of the rings the Sailor. They are falling in love during this movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:02] Their first kiss. Now I now you call him not Lord of the rings. I call them captain Jack Boring.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:10] Captain Jack Boring is better than not Lord of the rings.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:24:13] Because that’s seen this. My favorite part of the movie was the scene where the mermaid, where she’s on the back of the mermaid and they’re swimming around. I thought, this is so beautiful. See two women in this love scene together, playfully running around in the water. I’ve never seen anything like this. I loved it, and then we have to watch her and captain Jack. What do you call him?

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:33] Boring.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:24:35] I couldn’t believe they dressed him exactly like Johnny Depp. It was really shocking to me.

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:41] All the. All the costume, none of the charm.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:24:44] I know what I’m like yours. This movie is telling me that they have more chemistry than her and The Mermaid. That’s absurd.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:50] I also, and I’m wondering if you ever thought this. I also for a period was like, is the mermaid her mother? Is it possible that her mother, her mermaid mother, went back to the ocean and has now come back and is reclaiming her? Also, wasn’t it weird that nobody, not captain Jack boring, not the the any of the court, not, um, the king’s daughter? Nobody is at all fazed by the arrival and existence of mermaids. And not only that. Here’s the thing. It’s whatever 14 whatever in this movie, right? Fucking mermaids and a solar eclipse. Everybody in this movie would be like. Game over. The world is done.

 

Paul Scheer [00:25:37] No. It’s Versailles. They’re doing fun stuff.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:25:40] Baby, it’s Versailles.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:43] That’s the t-shirt. It’s Versailles.

 

Paul Scheer [00:25:47] But it’s like. But there are these things that are said like that opening scene. It’s like, who confirms this? Who’s written the book, the definitive book about mermaids? And then when they catch that mermaid in the open, they go throw back the male. We don’t need the male. Why? What?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:26:02] Why not?

 

Paul Scheer [00:26:03] Where was that? And then also how do you know? It was super dark out. I couldn’t tell.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:09] I mean, imagine. Imagine the access you would have to have. Throw it back. Throw it back like it’s like a too small fish. What you’re going to cook, you’re going to eat the heart of the mermaid, and you don’t want to, like, chop a dick off a male mermaid? There’s no use for it? Come on, Pablo Schreiber.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:26:31] I don’t know, but it’s so strange. They keep on referring to her as being, like, such a rabble rouser. I’m like, wait, when did that happen?

 

Paul Scheer [00:26:42] That’s the only thing that we know of this person that’s bizarre is she likes swimming.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:26:48] That’s it.

 

Paul Scheer [00:26:49] In the ocean. That’s it. And she doesn’t even do it. Weird. Takes off her shoes, goes swimming.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:56] And she speaks her mind. She speaks her mind no matter who’s asking. Because you’re not supposed to speak up to the king or she keeps getting scolded. But that’s, you know. Yes, she talks truth to power. Oh, well.

 

[00:27:10] There’s so many things I want to get into. I just want to go back to Versailles because they shot there for three months, like I said. But couldn’t they have picked the day that was less windy for the one time everyone was outside? Because there’s one scene where everyone’s hair is like whipping across their face. It’s like it was too windy to shoot that scene. They should have gone back. They should have done something. I just remember that scene laughing so hard. I’ve never seen wind in a movie that, like, unless it’s twister, like, you don’t see people look uncomfortable on a windy day.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:27:44] There were so many wigs, I mean, and that’s where I started to think, oh, they could not afford a rewrite because of all of these wigs. There were so many wigs.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:55] We rewrote the scene. Oh, we already made the wig. So it’s got to.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:27:58] Hot to play the wigs. Have to play. I didn’t really love the fishermen’s quarters at Versailles. Do you know if those were actually in sailors quarters?

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:08] I think that that was not in. I don’t think that that I don’t think that the teeny tiny lighthouse like the, like it was like a my Little Pony lighthouse. ” This is my pretend lighthouse.” Like it’s such a pretend. It’s so far away from any water. Like it’s like, oh, let’s make the fishermen comfortable by building it’s little baby. It’s like when they built, like, weird things on the zoo. It’s like, yeah, yeah, you’re in the jungle, monkey. Enjoy it.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:28:41] Do you guys remember when her arm was almost amputated?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:47] Yes, yes. Once again. Once again, the mermaid heals her broken arm and everybody’s like, cool. A miracle has happened in front of them. And they’re like, how soon until the solar eclipse? So that I can cut this motherfucking thing open and chomp my way into its heart like I’m Edward Cullen, trying to get my baby out of its mother’s stomach.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:29:15] And listen. I don’t know. I don’t know about.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:19] No Twilight fans?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:29:19] I don’t know about the history of, like, setting casts and like, you know.

 

Paul Scheer [00:29:25] There were no casts in the 14th century.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:29:27] Okay, maybe there were no casts, but. And if there are any medical historians here, please raise your hand.

 

Paul Scheer [00:29:33] I read a summary of it.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:29:34] Okay, so do you.

 

Paul Scheer [00:29:36] And I’ll get into it. One question. Let me ask you first about the Wigs.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:29:41] I guess my question is this. You have a broken arm. I know it’s the 14th century, but is the next step amputation? There’s no open wound, there’s no risk of infection. Why does she have to have that arm amputation?

 

Paul Scheer [00:29:54] It seems to me that if the horse trampled her, I wouldn’t buy amputation, just seem like she just put her arm up and hit a branch.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:30:01] She landed wrong.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:02] I wish they had amputated her arm. Then she’d gone in the water and it grew back. Like. Like a starfish. Like a fucking starfish.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:30:13] Would have been great.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:14] Kaboom.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:15] Well, let me ask you a question about this. The mermaid song. I know that she can hear it, but isn’t like whale song. Only heard underwater. Like you don’t hear whale song above water.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:31] I think. Uh huh. I think maybe you could if you were. If the whale was, like, shallow enough.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:37] Like if the whales is coasting on the top.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:41] Like you can hear dolphin chirps.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:43] Uh, I know that, but I’m just I’m basing most of my knowledge on Star Trek 4, and I believe whale song is only heard underwater. Hmm hmm. Ooh.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:00] Now I think you’re right.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:31:02] I don’t know.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:03] You know, that is clear. And maybe it just is that everybody else is hearing those kind of dogs because they’re all saying it sounds like a dolphin or. Yeah, like that. But she hears the beautiful song.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:13] Oh, she’s. We don’t hear the lyrics.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:16] No.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:31:17] No, wait. We’re not. No no no Paul, Paul, Paul. So my understanding is that our heroine, that the live person outside of the water, that she is able to interpret what that mermaid is saying. So she not just she she doesn’t only hear it, she is able to speak the language of mermaid.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:39] Prior to.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:31:40] Because she’s translating for everyone.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:43] Okay, I thought she was just hearing (chirping noises).

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:45] I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t think so, because well, here’s what I and I think this I think the movie is, is actually just terrible. So I think it’s purpose. It’s confusing in a way. But I do think because when we first meet, I might be wrong, but when we first meet the mermaid and they catch it, I think it’s making a bunch of like, whale dolphin sounds.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:07] Right.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:07] It’s only once the king’s daughter arrives and her presence that we start to hear it be this mellifluous, kind of like, oh.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:16] So there is. There is something about this movie because it’s where we’re drawing the line is going, here’s a girl who loves water. She’s attracted to water. She needs to get in water. She meets a mermaid. The mermaids like you and I, we’re together. We’re one. Come underwater. You don’t need to breathe. Don’t explain it. Don’t worry about it. Let’s go. And so it does seem like there is no giant payoff to that. He should have fucked the mermaid. I mean, that should have been. That should have been.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:48] I mean, I think we all agree the movie would have been so much better if the first scene had been Pierce Brosnan fucking a mermaid.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:56] If you do that, if you do that, you only live to 87.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:00] Portland, Maine’s on board for that. Fuck the mermaid. Rennie. Rennie. Rennie. I cannot urge you more. Please go to Rennie’s before you leave this town.

 

Paul Scheer [00:33:16] What? What I really liked in this movie was that they do a stand up comedy night at dinner. When they are having dinner. The fishermen are doing a full on like they’re doing, like, uh, Sebastian Maniscalco level. “My mom says don’t eat the pasta sebastiani” And they’re like, “hahahahahahaha. Uh, I love you, you commoner.” You know, like they they are performing. I’ve never seen, uh, like like fishermen brought in to entertain during dinner. Like it’s like a real dinner theater.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:54] It’s fucking French. That’s some French shit. Also, I loved when that guy was like, when our guys, like, hey, to his buddy. Uh, go create a distraction. And his distraction is to walk up to the guy, headbutt him, and run away. What a dumb fucking movie. And they let them shoot at Versailles. Come on.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:34:17] I can’t believe they were there. That’s crazy.

 

Paul Scheer [00:34:20] A good thing or a bad thing for a YA movie to say trauma equals greatness.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:34:29] Is this a YA movie?

 

Paul Scheer [00:34:31] Well, I guess part of it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:33] Who knows?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:34:34] Yeah, I guess who knows. Yeah, who is this movie for?

 

Paul Scheer [00:34:40] Mermaid killers.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:41] I wrote numerous times. Who is this movie for? What is the plot of this movie? And similar to what you were saying. Is it a palace intrigue movie, a romance story? Is it a supernatural mermaid story about the evils of trying to retain power and kill magic things?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:34:56] Fish out of water?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:58] Yeah. Quite literally. Is it? Or is it the the the traditional the the the King has a daughter. She doesn’t know she’s the king’s daughter. What’s she going to do with that? You know, and it is none of those movies. The reality is it’s not any of those movies. It doesn’t execute at all on any level.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:35:19] It’s really quite shocking.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:20] And it is a movie at which the end of the movie, the heroine, I believe, tries to commit suicide, assuming that the mermaid will resuscitate her. This was some wild stuff.

 

Paul Scheer [00:35:35] I was focused on a guy with a musket saying I got the shot. I was like that, that musket balls going 15ft at most and you’re shooting off a cliff. You knock it out like Neo. Like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:51] Hold on, sire.

 

Paul Scheer [00:35:56] I’ll shoot the mermaid who’s 20ft below the surface.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:36:00] They were is so much farther below. I mean, that was what was so great about, like, all those close ups in that scene where someone’s looking up at the cliff and some Pierce Brosnan’s looking down, it’s like you’re so far away from each other you can’t communicate a thing.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:13] And also, if you’ve got and the guys I like, I’ve got the shot basically right. Like he’s going to shoot the mermaid. Yeah, all the way down in the water and the mermaid stays above water, like I’ll give you the shot.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:36:24] Why didn’t she move?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:26] She’s waiting. She’s like, I fucking dare you. I fucking dare you, bro.

 

Paul Scheer [00:36:37] Can we talk about? Can we just talk about the design of this mermaid, the design of this mermaid.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:36:46] I was very upset about her.

 

Paul Scheer [00:36:49] It’s like. It’s like the the dollar store version of Na’vi from avatar.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:36:56] It’s like we could never. What I was really upset about is you could never fully see her. It’s like, if you’re going to do that in a movie where you’re not revealing what’s in that net. Fine. But when we see it, when you give it to us, it better be good.

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:11] And, June, let me just say, she’s the reason this whole movie got financed.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:16] What do you mean?

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:17] The mermaid.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:37:19] What? I thought she was real CGI.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:22] Did they cast a real mermaid?

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:25] This is a story we will get into.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:37:27] I really did think she was a CGI character. So that’s a person?

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:30] That is a real person. She’s the biggest actress in China. All right. Her name is Fan Bingbing. And so Fan Bingbing, the reason why this movie was made. Right. One of the most expensive.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:49] Hang on a second. Are we currently answering the question, How Did This Get Made?

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:54] Oh my God, for the first time.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:57] I’m so sorry. Is this the final episode of the podcast?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:02] Have we reached the end?

 

Paul Scheer [00:38:10] We finally did it. For that one person on iTunes is like, well, they didn’t really ever answer the question.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:17] She could hear the song.

 

Paul Scheer [00:38:18] The Chinese film company Kylin Films invested $20.5 million in the movie, making it China’s biggest financial contribution to a non studio film produced outside of China. Now I will get into Fan Bingbing because you’re in for a wild ride, but I don’t want to derail us yet. I just want to talk about this is.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:38:48] I’m really shocked because I thought for sure that she wasn’t a, I did not. Did you think she was a person?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:56] Well, I mean, I thought, what do you mean?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:38:58] I mean, I thought she was fully animated.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:01] Oh, well, I mean, her entire body is. But I did think a someone was doing the face.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:39:06] I didn’t think that either. Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:08] I did think about that. But I didn’t think that the rest of the body appears to be a turtle without a shell. Big flipper arms, tail.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:39:19] But I never even got a good look at it.

 

Paul Scheer [00:39:21] Well that’s it. You never really got a good look at it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:23] It’s fucking sea monkeys. It’s all sea monkeys right?

 

Paul Scheer [00:39:27] Yes! There it is. Yeah, there it is. It is like a blurry drawing. It’s like one of those things. If I stare at it enough will, like a mack truck, come out in 3D?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:37] Here’s the here’s what it is. If I said to A.I. “Chagall Mermaid” like it would give me this like some, like, nonsense. Just kind of. This looks so bad.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:39:50] This is so terrible. Also her face, the way that they scaled her face, I found it to be very distracting.

 

Paul Scheer [00:39:57] And she’s a real person. Look. But let’s take a look at a clip for riding the mermaid to see some of the special effects. Now, upon seeing that scene where she rides the mermaid, all I could think is, how deep is this well?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:24] Yes, mustn’t she be able to escape from it?

 

Paul Scheer [00:40:27] I mean, it seems like there’s plenty of room.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:30] Also, it reminds me, because there they are, swimming around. Um. The king’s daughter and the mermaid. Okay. Great.

 

Paul Scheer [00:40:37] Amongst coral.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:38] Yeah, amongst coral, amongst all sorts of stuff. Now and then she comes out of this and again says something that should almost be the thesis of the whole movie, which is I could breathe underwater. She can breathe underwater. That is enormous reveal. She should be doing nothing but completely searching for her heritage immediately. She is Atlantean. She is the submariner sister. What’s happening? I could breathe underwater? Now I’m going to play the cello for the king. Come on.

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:17] But then the ending. Actually ask more questions. Because if they do go to Atlantis together, we know that Fan Bingbing, the mermaid, is married and has a child.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:41:27] Well, I don’t know if she’s married.

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:30] They have an open. It’s very Will Smith, Jada Pinkett. Very open. They don’t call each other husband and wife.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:37] Well since she’s been captured. He’s just been going nuts.

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:40] Forgive me Namor, for I have sinned. Uh, but the. I feel like she brings her to Atlantis, and she’s like, oh, my God, Atlantis. And this is, like, the most special effects we see in the entire movie. Is she ever gonna go back to her land loving boyfriend?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:02] I feel like she’s going to do, like, an upstairs downstairs. Okay. She’s going to ride around on the boat with him, and then just get a jump in the water and swim around. I think she’s going to do both.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:42:12] That’s sort of what I felt, too, because he wants to be just on the water.

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:15] But couldn’t the mermaid also give him the special breathe underwater powers?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:24] As if. As if. Why not? They can fucking do anything in this movie.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:42:29] I don’t know, because I don’t know that those were powers. I do think that she I really now, after the last 57 minutes, have come to the conclusion that she’s 1,000% part mermaid.

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:40] I believe that too.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:43] Absolutely again, she can breathe underwater.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:42:47] And speak the language.

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:49] That is as believable as William Hurt playing a character named Pierre, which I just realized right here.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:56] Well, and I will say, and I don’t believe the episode has come out, but perhaps it’s come out by the time people are listening to this. But we did just cover the Pope’s Exorcist.

 

Paul Scheer [00:43:04] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:06] Now, here is a movie in which an Australian man plays an Italian priest. And we were like, Thank God, literally. Because we were absolutely dazzled by it, even though it was a terrible accent. He was incredible. Everybody in this movie is a goddamn mess when it comes to accent and believability in who they are.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:43:33] You know what, though? Except for Pierce Brosnan, I do believe that he is. He is having a great time out there, and I felt that that hair really gave him freedom.

 

Paul Scheer [00:43:46] It’s a great looking hair. Now again, for a movie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:54] Can I say something? I’m only when I’m seeing this. This picture alone. And, I mean, this kind of makes me want Pierce Brosnan to play Trump in something. Do you see it?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:44:08] I did notice that the whole time in the movie, he was very tan.

 

Paul Scheer [00:44:13] Yes.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:44:14] He was very tan. He was the sun king.

 

Paul Scheer [00:44:16] Yeah. If Pierce Brosnan played Trump in his own voice, it would be amazing. “You call me deplorable and, uh, say” Now I will say we have a lot of inside information. I can read you. Later on in the episode, a letter from a listener who was the tech supervisor of this movie, who spent the last week talking to all of his friends and collecting all the dirt from the post house.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:52] Huge, huge. Wow. Thank you to that person. What is a tech supervisor? Well, he’ll explain it a little bit, but just because I don’t, I’m going to go out to the crowd. I want to talk to the crowd, but I do want to talk about Fan Bingbing. So Fan Bingbing, huge star.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:45:12] I really apologize that I thought she was CGI.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:14] No you don’t. I mean, I know.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:15] Let’s be clear.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:17] You’re not wrong.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:18] 97% is CGI.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:45:21] There’s just so much of her that is CGI. I guess that’s what it was.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:45:24] You would be surprised to be like, oh, that’s the biggest actor in the movie. Like to go, that’s the biggest actor in this movie?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:45:32] Yeah, I just I just didn’t know that.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:33] That is the draw.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:34] Yeah, that it’s crazy because she has no real lines and she’s barely on camera. But yet they gave this movie $20 million, half of its budget because she’s such a big star.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:44] 40? This was a 40 million movie?

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:46] $40 million movie. And when you tell me it took three months in Versailles, I’m like, wow, it could have been a week and a half because it didn’t seem like they had that many scenes. Okay. I will probably mess up some details here, but Fan Bingbing was caught evading paying taxes. And there was a rumor that she faked her death. Yeah, I know that’s not true. That was a rumor. But she disappeared for a year. No one knew where she went.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:17] I’m going to say Atlantis. Did they check? She seems to have residence. Maybe that was the year she was in the King’s prison.

 

Paul Scheer [00:46:29] $97 million of unrecorded tax taxes. So what she was doing was saying to China, oh, I only made $1 million on this movie, but then also in America saying, pay me 12. And so she was creating this little scam. She disappeared for a year, came back, put up an apology video, and the reason why they didn’t release this movie for eight years is because the tax evasion was so, it brought so much shame to her in China.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:47:02] Tax evasion?

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:03] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:02] That’s what held up this movie?

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:04] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:07] Not that it was dog shit terrible?

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:08] So basically.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:47:09] It’s like, I feel like Nicolas Cage is never paid one single tax bill.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:15] And they can’t wait to get his movies out.

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:17] They basically felt like it would have been if she didn’t have this disgrace on it, they would have done it. So then it lost its studio backing, and they’re only had one international star, Pierce Brosnan. So it sat on the shelf for eight years because of this tax evasion. Now later on I’ll get into all the other ins and outs. But Fan Bingbing not paying your taxes is the reason why this movie did not come out in 2015 like scheduled, because this was going to be a big movie in China. I mean, I think I did it justice. Somebody can clarify some details. It’s a little sketchy. I went down a lot of wormholes. Right. A very long Vanity Fair article, which I would just recommend you read because it blew my mind. Um, she has more followers on her Weibo account, and Weibo is like Chinese Twitter then like the state of then. Then Chinese government.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:14] That’s the only social media I do.

 

Paul Scheer [00:48:17] By the way, I’ve been following you on Weibo. You have so many great things.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:20] Follow me. Please follow me.

 

Paul Scheer [00:48:21] All right, let’s go to the crowd. Let’s talk to the crowd. Uh, let’s see what they have to say. All right. Welcome. Uh, what’s your name?

 

Audience Member [00:48:31] My name is Andrea.

 

Paul Scheer [00:48:32] Andrea, what is your question?

 

Audience Member [00:48:35] I am a children’s librarian. When I think, you know, when I started, when I started working at my small Maine rural library, this film was shelved with the children’s movies Peppa Pig, Sesame Street, etc.. I said, I don’t know about that. So my boss said that you all can decide if you would like to weigh in. Should we shelve it with the Peppa Pigs on Sesame Street?

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:03] Wow, this should be an audience decision because this is for your children of Maine. This is this is for the children of, you know, this is this is a big deal.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:13] Here’s what I’m going to say. And I don’t normally support things like this. I think you should burn it.

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:23] This movie needs to be banned.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:26] I feel comfortable saying this needs to be eradicated.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:49:29] I do think that that’s where the marketing is really shady because the font everything about this. You do think that it’s Princess Diaries. It’s the same font as Princess Diaries.

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:40] Yes.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:49:41] So I understand the confusion, but to have it next to Peppa Pig, that’s unsettling.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:45] And also the The King’s daughter, Kaya last name I can’t pronounce is from Maze Runner is a part of like YA movies is in that building.

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:55] Well, I will say this. As disturbing as this movie is, it’s no more disturbing than any Thomas the Tank movie I’ve ever seen. So I would. I would recommend this over Thomas the Tank, those weirdo trains. Well, that’s. I’m doing my best, Thomas. Well, it’s not good enough.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:13] That’s the thing. If you can cut Thomas open and eat his engine, you are given immortality.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:50:21] You know what I really. My main complaint, I would say my only complaint is that we didn’t get to see the full body of the Little Merbaby. The baby.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:31] Oh.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:50:32]  There was a merbaby in the movie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:34] I loved the merbaby. That was my favorite character in the whole movie.  I thought that was the best character.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:50:39] But we never got to see a little baby tail.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:42] I would have killed every single person and person in the movie just for the baby.

 

Paul Scheer [00:50:47] All right. Uh, your name and your question.

 

Audience Member [00:50:50] Uh, my name is Kyle. Uh, my question is, um, in the very erotic dance scene at the end, he flashes to another woman, and they lose their steps. They go out to the well or whatever. And she said, and he starts talking about this woman from his past, and she says, do I remind you of her? And he says, no one reminds me of her. And there’s an awkward pause. And then he says, until you.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:29] That was the scene where I was like don’t, do neither of them know that this is his daughter? Like. And by the way, if this movie had tipped into incest, much more interesting to me. Suddenly I’m on board. Old Boy this movie

 

June Diane Raphael [00:51:46] The statue, this statue, uh, that they’re looking at in the fountain. One of the Versailles fountains. That was supposed to be her mom. But when we saw the picture, her mom. That statue looks nothing. Nothing like that woman.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:01] Can you imagine looking at a statue and being like, oh, I know her.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:06] By the way, that scene that you’re talking about when they’re in that lover’s atrium or whatever they’re in. Um, also a historical inaccuracy that was built 60 years after Louis the 14th died. Uh, so just yeah, I guess.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:21] So you’re saying the movie is historically inaccurate. Hmm. Curious.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:27] All right. Uh, your name, your question.

 

Audience Member [00:52:29] Dre, do we think the fountain was a reference to him keeping the mermaid mother that was left out of the movie? Like he built the fountain for the mother to have her live there with him for a bit.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:52:41] As a mermaid?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:43] Do you think he knew the mother was a mermaid?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:52:46] How could you not know?

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:47] The mother wasn’t. No, no, my mother wasn’t a mermaid. She died in childbirth.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:52] Yes. My assumption is the mother was a mermaid, but had to Ariel herself into some legs and some some legs and some land stuff. You know what I mean? She’s out there on a land based rumspringa. She pounds the king, has a baby, gets sent to the convent. Next thing you know, she’s back in the water. The daughter’s like, uh oh. I understand mother language. I love the water. Even though I got these legs. I don’t know.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:53:25] Well, listen, once I saw that merbaby, I was like, if you’re female mermaid. Well, if you’re mermaid, I guess. How do they give birth? What’s the? What?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:37] What do you think? You think.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:53:38] What’s happening?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:39] I suspect it’s like.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:53:41] An egg?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:42] I assume it’s an egg. They run up on the sand, they bury it, they bury it in the sand, and they kind of waddle back into the water.

 

Paul Scheer [00:53:49] Uh, hey, you guys wanna see some pictures of pregnant mermaid? I got a bunch of pictures on my laptop. Some pregnant mermaids.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:01] Normal Portland, Maine man, give Paul the mic back.

 

Paul Scheer [00:54:06] Just come. Come to the back of Remie’s. I’ll show you some pictures of the pregnant mermaids. That’s cool. We’ll have a cool, chill, chill time.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:14] Did anybody else feel like in the scene when, uh, the King’s daughter and not, uh, and captain Jack boring start making out in the grotto that the mermaid is really creeping on them. They are like, finally. Uh. And the mermaids, like. And the mermaid P.O.V. shots are pervy as fuck.

 

Audience Member [00:54:40] All right, I have a question here. What’s your name?

 

Audience Member [00:54:42] Uh, my name is Mark. My question is, uh, another famous How Did This Get Made movie, A Street Fighter, which was Raul Julia’s final movie. This movie, because it was released in 2022, is William Hurt’s final movie before he died which is the greater tragedy?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:54:56] Wait, so are you saying it’s his final movie? It’s the final.

 

Paul Scheer [00:54:59] Really throwing down the gantlet.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:55:03] No. Is this the final movie that he released or the final movie he worked on?

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:08] Released.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:55:09] Thank God.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:10] So this is this is a question related to. Did you realize this was a kiss of the Spider Woman related movie question? Fair.

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:21] I will say that both of them, Raul Julia and William Hurt, are giving, uh, great performances. I actually like these performances a lot. I did. Bill Nighy was supposed to be that character dropped out like a week before the filming started, and, uh. And then he took over. He came in, didn’t have time for a French accent and just went with it.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:55:43] But Paul, nobody had time for a French accent.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:47] Bill Nighy and Pierce Brosnan would have been too much at the same pitch.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:55:52] Agreed. Agreed.

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:56] I also feel like Bill Nighy wouldn’t have been a great priest. Like you would feel like that priest was up to something.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:01] Yeah. And also, I read that Bill Nye the Science Guy was also heavily considered.

 

Paul Scheer [00:56:07] You can’t kill mermaids. Mermaids are important for coral. Um, is Adam from the discord here? Because I think there was a good. Oh, yeah. Great. Okay, great. Adam, from the discord, you posted something in the discord that I thought was an interesting point, but, uh, I’ll let you take it away. Let’s see what you got.

 

Audience Member [00:56:24] First. Before that, I want to thank you all for repping Reny’s. I am a Reny’s employee. I work at the one up in Farmington.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:38] Reny’s, Reny’s, Reny’s, Reny’s, Reny’s!

 

Paul Scheer [00:56:40] And go in the back for those dolphin picks.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:43] Which? Which Reny’s do you work at? Here in town or?

 

Audience Member [00:56:46] Uh, no, the one in Farmington. I drove like an hour and a half to get here.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:52] Famington Reny’s!

 

Audience Member [00:56:54] All right. My question was, so captain Jack boring says that the mermaid’s tail can cut through stone. Why can’t it cut through a net or the stone in the grotto?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:08] I don’t remember. Wow. That’s a great point, because I don’t remember him saying that it could cut through stuff.

 

Audience Member [00:57:14] Yeah, because she was swimming in the grotto and he pulls her out and he says, don’t you know that mermaids tails can cut through stone? Because, you know, she knew that mermaids existed in the first place. But, I mean, then why did she get captured in a net? She could have gone up, saved her boyfriend by cutting the net. And then when she’s in the grotto, Paul responded to me, and he’s like, why didn’t she just cut through that, you know, stone archway or what? You’re stone. Uh, barricade that, cut her off from the ocean?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:45] Agreed. Yeah, no, I agree. It does seem as though she had a quite a lot of ability to get away.

 

Paul Scheer [00:57:53] But maybe she wanted to stay with her daughter?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:56] Yeah, maybe she sensed that someone there needed her and and or that if she stuck around, she might be able to creep on to people fingering.

 

Paul Scheer [00:58:06] All right. I’m going to say this. We’ve talked a lot about this mermaid. And I think what I’m realizing is she’s just a stressed out mom with a newborn, and she’s like.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:58:18] Oh my God.

 

Paul Scheer [00:58:19] You take him. I need to chill for a little bit.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:24] And you think what this is for her, like Semester Abroad in Versailles?

 

June Diane Raphael [00:58:30] This is her like postpartum period of like, yeah, I just want to be alone in a body of water with a bunch of stones around me.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:38] I can’t deal with the pressure of Atlantis and you and this baby. I just want to be incarcerated for a small amount of time.

 

Paul Scheer [00:58:47] With one of my best gal pals.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:52] Like they become best friends for reasons that I don’t quite get.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:58:55] Because we don’t speak merd.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:57] That’s why I would love your version of the movie more, where it was more like The Shape of Water, where it was a burgeoning love story, rather than just like, I can hear you. Okay, let’s go swimming.

 

June Diane Raphael [00:59:08] Yeah, I really wanted. I really wanted the mermaid to carry her on her back over that. You know, that big jump across the wall and for that to be because it was so built into the structure of the movie, naturally. And it felt like they just bailed on it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:24] Here’s my question. And this is a genuine question. And I think the answer is most likely because who cares. Or because it didn’t. But she facilitates the escape of the mermaid carrying the now unconscious captain Jack boring, right? They whatever free Willy jump over the go over the divide in are able to get to the water and blah blah blah. Okay, they escape.

 

Paul Scheer [00:59:48] Which by the way, Versailles is very far from the ocean.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:49] Oh, is it really?

 

Paul Scheer [00:59:51] Very.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:52] So then my question becomes why doesn’t I can breathe underwater king’s daughter jump into the water with them and take off for parts unknown? Why does she jump on her horse right to the top of a cliff? But she gets she gets as far away from the water as she, which is her absolute how she’s escaping. She she rides to the top of a cliff. Why? And I’m not going to leave until I get an answer from you.

 

Paul Scheer [01:00:24] Well, Jason, I’m glad you brought this up. That horse, the biggest horse star in China.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:00:30] Really?

 

Paul Scheer [01:00:31] One of the biggest horse stars. Everyone wants that horse in the movie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:34] The horse pays its taxes.

 

Paul Scheer [01:00:36] Now, unfortunately, that horse did not pay the salt lick tax because he’s been a lot of salt lick. So, uh, that’s another reason I’ll get into all that in a little bit. But now let’s get our second opinion people down here. Our three people. Get in your line over here. No, there. This movie definitely has those kind of plot holes where large elements of stories are cut out, because that horse riding scene is like, I’ll go back to the palace and figure out this thing. Like, there seems like there there was something for her to do there.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:12] And there must have been. That’s why I feel like there must have been. And that, plus the how short and clipped every scene felt. Not. It didn’t feel like a they were getting anywhere or doing anything. There must be so much of this movie that was shot and left. I mean, when you said three months in Versailles. That’s insane.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:01:32] Should we all start a petition to, like, release all the footage? Release the Snyder cut?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:37] Release? Give all the footage to Zack Snyder? I mean, we will be releasing the Sean McNamara cut. And if you know anything about Sean McNamara, you would know that he is the director of Brats. That How Did This Get Made movie. Brats!

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:54] I don’t remember it, but I know we did it.

 

Paul Scheer [01:01:56] Yeah. Uh, and, uh, and also, he was the director, uh, of Get Street Smart, a kid’s guide to stranger danger. Well, look, obviously we’re never going to come to a conclusion of what was meant, but we will get to people who appreciate this movie differently than us, because now it is time for second opinions.

 

Audience Member [01:02:22]  Look at these wigs. Aren’t they so neat? Look at this Mermaid like a piece of meat. Wouldn’t you give it five stars? Five stars for everything.

 

Audience Member [01:02:42] Got a Fabio wig from Pierce Brosnan. Got a mermaid he’ll stab through the heart. Unresolved subplots. It’s got 20, but who cares? It’s so slow. I gamble.

 

Paul Scheer [01:03:01] Wow.

 

Audience Member [01:03:02] When’s it our turn? Wouldn’t we love to watch a movie that’s not a dud. Now we’ll see on Amazon’s Freevee, who gave it five stars.

 

Paul Scheer [01:03:25] Amazing. We’re halfway through.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:32] Halfway through an all Little Mermaid section.

 

Paul Scheer [01:03:38] And now it’s time for Second opinions.

 

Audience Member [01:03:41] Uh, my name is Pat, and I wish I didn’t have a song from Little Mermaid, but I’m sorry, I do. Oh, sorry.

 

Paul Scheer [01:03:48] I love it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:48] We’re furious Pat.

 

Audience Member [01:03:53] One day I’m swimming with my family is really as I can get. Pierce Brosnan looks like a deep fake. His priest wants to suck his dick. Same shot of the mermaid swimming used probably ten times or more. That instrument’s not a cello. The frets make it a viol.

 

Audience Member [01:04:13] Under Versaille. Under Versailles. I’m all alone but my fins could cut stone I’m so sad I could cry.

 

Audience Member [01:04:21] That mermaid totally trying to smash that wing doctor is a pain in the ass. His science is wacky. The costumes are tacky. Watch this movie.

 

Paul Scheer [01:04:32] Amazing. Wow, wow. I do think Scott, our producer, should cut a super, super cut and just a little bit of all of the little mermaids songs. All right. King’s daughter has an average rating of 4.4 out of five stars. 67% are five star reviews. And they go a little something like this. Lynn Amory writes, “I’m getting so tired of all the wokeness crap being shown these days. I like an old fashioned fantasy type of movie that isn’t trying to get political narrative across. This movie isn’t as bad as others out there. Five stars.” Um, and then Katie and Heather Chong wrote, “Purchased for my 11 year old daughter. She likes the fit and the style.” I don’t think it was for the movie. I think that was for the clothing. One Pilgrim writes, “This is a delightful movie with a great story, great acting, and just enough action. I wish there were more movies like this made. It doesn’t have outlandish casting and it doesn’t cater to wokeness, just a pure delight to watch. Five stars.” And and finally, Butterfly writes this. “Yes, it’s a fairy tale, but it’s very good. We all enjoyed it. It’s a fun, feel good movie. I’m not sure our husbands would enjoy it. It’s definitely a girls movie. Five of us are seniors and three teen granddaughters, and it was a fun girl’s day. Five stars. Fun movie.”

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:06:32] It does make me like, I will say, a little bit gleefully happy that the Anti-woke crowd are watching this movie and loving and loving it. They think this is the answer to all of their problems. They’re like, Fuck Barbie, give us the King’s daughter.

 

Paul Scheer [01:06:57] If this was a typical Hollywood movie, they would talk about saving the mermaid, not eating its heart. Um, okay, so I promised you earlier in the show that, um, I talked to a long time listener who worked on this film. What he says is this. “I have seen various cuts of this film over 50 plus times before it was shelved by Chinese investors for nearly seven years. We were all shocked when we saw this film had a release last year and assumed it had been lost to the cutting room floor, but where there’s a will and a dodgy CGI mermaid, there’s a way.” So he talked to all the people who worked on the film. He said, tell me your stories. So this is what they’ll tell us. I’ll give you the highlights. It was heavily backed by mysterious Chinese investors, and they did not like the film from the start. They continued to send notes and reedits to the film. There were screenings and changes every week for six months. We graded it 16 versions of the film, and then they still weren’t happy. They took everything related to the film, all the digital archives and rushes, and returned back to China, where it sat on a shelf for seven years. But those investors who did not like the film loved the mermaid, and they couldn’t decide how to make the mermaid because there are many incarnations. Some gross and scary, some angelic. And then they use mocap, and then they decided to make the whole thing look like Bingbing. Then they made, uh. Then they said that they start to add more CGI to the movie, but they had no money or reshoots. Pierce Brosnan wouldn’t come back to do reshoots because he hated his costume. The original cut of the movie was not a fairy tale. There was no narration, and it was a serious movie, just a period piece with mermaids.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:08:53] You can’t say it was a serious movie that was a period piece with mermaids.

 

Paul Scheer [01:08:57] And he said Pierce Brosnan hated his experience on this movie. Miserable on set, but you can’t tell that in his performance. You can’t tell.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:08] But I’m not surprised at all. This looks miserable.

 

Paul Scheer [01:09:12] Budget 40 million. Opening weekend $720,000. Worldwide gross 2 million.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:20] Wow.

 

Paul Scheer [01:09:22] Tagline “A King, his daughter a hidden World.”

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:27] Atlantis is the hidden world. This came out the same year that Namor was revealed in the MCU.

 

Paul Scheer [01:09:34] Yes. Yeah, well, it came out the same year as Top Gun Maverick, Black Panther, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Um, it was beaten by Moonfall, Morbius, and Ambulance. But here’s the thing. 21% on Tomatometer, 80% on the audience score.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:09:55] Is that what you guys?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:57] I blame I blame Portland, Maine for that. Wow.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:10:01] Shocking.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:02] I know it came out. Obviously it only came out in 2022, but I had zero awareness of this. Oh yeah. As a as existing.

 

Paul Scheer [01:10:11] I don’t think you should have known about this. Yeah. I think probably if anything, it came out in 2 or 3 theaters.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:17] When I saw it, when I looked up, you know, the thing and was like, oh, okay, this is what I gotta watch. I looked at the image, I looked at whatever, and I was like, oh, this movie is from ten years ago, or it’s from another time. So then to realize it was a 2022 movie rocked my world until I researched so little and found out that it was shot in 2014.

 

Paul Scheer [01:10:38] So it. Yeah, it does have a little bit of a time travel quality to it. It does look like a Covid movie though, because not many people are in those scenes. It’s yeah, it’s like two people in every scene. It’s like but I guess the question is, would you recommend it?

 

June Diane Raphael [01:10:52] Absolutely. I mean, this is absolutely because this is so this is just it’s so shocking. This movie is so shocking to me. Again, when I when that mermaid, when I first realized there were mermaids in this, I mean, it’s just such a shock to the system that I highly recommend it actually.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:13] I agree.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:11:14] Yeah, I highly recommend it. And I think Pierce Brosnan is having fun despite. The fact that it was just revealed he was not having fun. Um, he really looks like he is. And this is something to see. It’s something to behold.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:29] Here’s what I’ll say. Yes, I agree in the sense of you have to see this to believe it.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:11:34] That’s right.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:35] Because in any other way, shape or form, you cannot with your mind’s eye.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:11:39] You can’t imagine what is happening.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:42] What is happening.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:11:42] You’re totally right. When they go to Atlantis at the very end, it’s like you couldn’t.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:47] I was like, WHAT?

 

Paul Scheer [01:11:49] And they spend so much time in Atlantis just swimming around you like, this is the beginning of a movie. But it’s the end.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:58] It should be act three. A three should be go to Atlantis, recruit Atlanteans to come and fucking kick ass.

 

Paul Scheer [01:12:05] They saved that for Wakanda forever. Um, so I will say very much like our audience here. Don’t read the book, but read the summary. So maybe keep that fast forward clicker in your hand and and and stop. And because there are things that you need to appreciate. But like a train should go by them quickly. You and you’ll you’ll appreciate it.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:12:28] I felt this movie flew by for me.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:31] Flew by?

 

June Diane Raphael [01:12:33] Flew by.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:34] Yeah, I, I have to admit, it did not fly by for me. For me. Mostly because I spent so much time trying to figure out what. Who is the protagonist of the movie? Truly. Who is this movie about?

 

Paul Scheer [01:12:48] Well, let’s let’s let’s leave it to the audience right here and ask the question that was asked by our audience. If you think this is a kid’s movie, I want you to clap your hands and we’ll remain in the kids section in the library or. All right, so let’s go. Or an adult movie. You clap your hands. So kids movie, adult movie. Well, you have your answer. It’s going in the adult section where hopefully an adult will burn it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:13:13] Thank you, Maine! Thank you, Portland! Thank you for coming out on a Wednesday. We love being here. You guys were fantastic. Give it up for Jason Mantzoukas June Diane Raphael. I am Paul Scheer. We will come back. This was amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:13:31] Eat shit, Maine! Reny’s, Reny’s, Reny’s.

 

Paul Scheer [01:13:40] What a show. Thank you so much to the staff at the State Theater and our amazing tour manager, Beth Thomas Portland. We loved you. We are going to be back to Maine. You guys are a very cool town. Uh, I had so much fun there. And I think that we really made a great How Did This Get Made Maine centric shirt. I don’t even fully get it, but I believe the design captured exactly what you all wanted. Uh, a Maine adventure right there. You could go to Teepublic.com/stores/HDTGM, and you could check it out and make sure you’re buying your stuff from Teepublic, because I’ve seen a lot of bootleg stuff out there. Been bumming me out. Misprints and off centered. They don’t do it the quality way the Teepublic does it. Now, here’s the thing. Uh, that was a great live show, and we’re going to be doing a lot of live shows. I mean, a ton of live shows. And we want you to be there. Uh, we’re going to be in Los Angeles January 24th, 25th, 26the. We’re going to be in San Francisco on February 3rd, and we’re going to be in San Diego on February 4th. Then we’re going to be in London on the 28th of March and the 29th of March. We had to add a second show. I think those shows might be sold out at this point. We’ll also be in Glasgow, Belfast and Dublin. We want you there. Go to HDTGM.com. That’s right we’re international baby. And if you missed my announcement this week, my book Joyful Recollections of Trauma is now available for preorder. You can get it as an audio book, which is going to have some extra special features in it. You can get it as a regular book, which it will have different things than the actual audiobook and people, it’s important, uh, that you buy this. Uh, honestly, I to be very honest with you because it helps me, uh, it helps me because I wrote this book for Harpercollins and, uh, you know, if you want to get make sure your library gets it in stock, do that. It’s called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. It’s going to be coming out in May, but if I sell enough books, I can start referring to myself as a New York Times bestselling author. Now, that’s a big it’s a big, uh, thing to crack, but I think I could do it because I know that this audience is amazing. Again, my book is called Joyful Recollections of Trauma, and I can’t tell you exactly what right now, but if you preorder the book, you are in for a lot of special surprises. No. No joke. I’m going all out here. I’m spending my own money to do some cool things for everybody who buys the book ahead of time. So you can go to my website, uh, find out how to get it, or just really go to any place you buy books, uh, go to. You use your library, whatever you want to do. Uh, check out Joyful Recollections of Trauma. This is not going to be the last time you’re going to hear about it. Uh, but. I do want to say one more thing to all of you. Uh, if you need to find us, you can find us online everywhere at HDTGM.com. But if you’re not on my discord or How Did This Get Made discord, you are missing out on really the big conversations that we are having. Uh, go check out the How Did This Get Made discord at Discord.gg/HDTGM, or leave me a voicemail at 619-PAUL-ASK and we are going to be doing a very big Last Looks. Next time Jason will be here, we’ll be talking about Dungeons and Dragons and we will be talking about the King’s daughter. So please, please tune in for that. It’s going to be fun. We also have some special guests coming up on Last Looks that I’m very excited about. Uh, all right. And remember, tell a friend. This show only exists because of the word of mouth that we get through our listeners. And you are listeners, and we appreciate you so, so much. And you know what? Watching these bad movies is so much better when you do it with a friend. Uh, and last but not least, let me say a very special thank you to our entire behind the scenes team. That’s right. I’m talking about our producer, Scott Sonne, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avril Halley, our engineers, Casey Holford and Rich Garcia, our associate producer, Jess Cisneros. And let me tell you this, that’s not the last time I’m going to thank them. I’m gonna keep on thanking them because they keep on doing great work. That’s all I got for now. Joyful Recollections of Trauma. How Did This Get Made on tour. We will see you on the road. Or maybe just here next week. All right. Bye for now.