EP. 342 — Fifty Shades Freed LIVE! (w/ Chelsea Devantez)

Paul Scheer [00:00:01] Abductions, car chases, shootings, butt plugs and babies. We saw 50 Shades Freed! So you know what that means!

 

Music [00:00:16] [Intro Song]

 

Paul Scheer [00:01:03] Hello people of Los Angeles! And hello people of Largo! We are live in our LA home here at the Largo Theater at the Coronet. Boy oh boy, it is a night. The third part of the 50 Shades trilogy. What’s happening in the wonderful world of Anastasia and Christian Gray? Well, I’ll tell you, not much. They’re married. People are out to get them. They know immediately who it is. And every problem is solved quicker then when they say it. They say the problem, it is solved. It’s like mini episodes of Entourage. It all builds to a very satisfying conclusion, and it does include a post-credits scene. I hope you all watched that. Now tonight we are going to break it down, but first, please welcome my co-host, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas!

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:02:25] What’s up, jerks?! How are we doing, Largo? That’s right. Night three. Paul, you just said about this movie that it all ends very satisfyingly, and I have to disagree. This movie’s. This entire. I’m furious that this has happened to me. These three nights have been a harrowing descent into. I don’t even know. Not sexy. UN horny Hell. I was. That’s what hell is to me.

 

Paul Scheer [00:03:06] I was eating a burrito and watching a scene of people fucking and being like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:10] I folded laundry and washed dishes to people fucking in a sex dungeon room. Which should be something I. It should be a keyword search that I do at 2:00 in the morning. Now I’m watching it broad daylight and I’m like, oh, this soup really caked on to this pan. I’m going harder at the pan and he’s going at her. What is this?

 

Paul Scheer [00:03:39] Here’s what I will say. Was this a tough watch? Yes it was. But when they get to that Fast and Furious montage.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:50] Oh my God.

 

Paul Scheer [00:03:51] At the end. I cried. And I was sad to let these people out of my lives. For three days I’ve lived in their world. And even though nothing has happened, I wanted more.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:04] I feel like I feel like the events of the movies take place in three days.

 

Paul Scheer [00:04:11] Oh, easily.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:12] Like, I feel like if you told me the entirety of that meeting to them at the end of the movie with Teddy, the child’s name is Teddy. Maybe it’s two weeks. Maybe.

 

Paul Scheer [00:04:27] Well, here’s what I’ll say.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:28] Including gestation and birth.

 

Paul Scheer [00:04:31] She’s got something that happens. Yeah, goes very quickly. Here’s what I’ll say. We know from the second movie that she has a job for less than two weeks that she starts. So we know that that’s a marker of time. Then she gets proposed to. It seems like she may have gotten married the day after she got proposed to.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:50] Days. Within days. They have a world spanning honeymoon.

 

Paul Scheer [00:04:56] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:57] Right? That was last night? Or tonight?

 

Paul Scheer [00:04:59] No, that’s. That’s tonight.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:02] I’m. I’m so unwell.

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:06] No, I am also now getting blurred.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:08] I’m in a, like, fugue state. I spent so much time with these two people that I don’t know if I’m in their life or they’re in mine.

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:19] That’s what I felt like when this ended. I feel like, no. What will I do?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:22] This is like the matrix. The worst version of the matrix, I think. I think I might be, I, I might be a creation of E.L. James. You know what I’m afraid of? The insanity that’s on screen is now normalized to me.

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:38] That’s what I think, too.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:40] Of course, get his fuck jeans out. And then I’m like, wait a minute, I got to remember that these are fuck jeans. What are we doing?

 

Paul Scheer [00:05:49] This movie ends with the gently the light placing and smoothing out of fuck jeans like that is one of the final moments. Like well, get his fuck jeans out. Yeah, honey, time to fuck me. Like it’s a very weird, weird ending. I have thoughts on the ending. I have a lot of big thoughts. But tonight we have a very special guest. She is the host of her own podcast, which is fantastic. They talk about, celebrity autobiographies. They talk about reality TV. The podcast is called Glamorous Trash. She also has a book coming out called I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This. If she can preorder right now, please welcome Chelsea Devantez! Welcome. Welcome, Chelsea.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:06:43] Thank you. Thank you.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:44] Also, we’re so sorry.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:06:45] I accept. I accept, although I just. I came so hard today. I’m so tired. So tired for this podcast, I was hearing you talk about the timeline. I also want to point out that when he meets her, she’s a college senior.

 

Paul Scheer [00:06:59] Yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:07:00] So this woman is, like, 20 years old.

 

Paul Scheer [00:07:02] But he’s 27.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:07:03] Yes. Yes, but.

 

Paul Scheer [00:07:06] And he also turns 28 in movie two.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:07:09] In movie two. Okay, but that means, like at the end when she has all these babies, 20 at most.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:14] 21.

 

Paul Scheer [00:07:15] 21.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:07:15] You think?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:16] Maybe.

 

Paul Scheer [00:07:16] I mean what she does. I mean, what she does, she I mean, she is a fresh out of college student who, within the course of three and a half weeks, she’s had sex for the first time.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:29] Yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:07:29] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:07:31] Gets out of a relationship, goes back into a relationship, gets her dream job, gets almost raped at her dream job, gets her boss fired, takes over her boss’s job, gets married to the person that she broke up with, and then is chased, kills somebody or hurts them badly, and then has two babies.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:07:50] Two babies.

 

Paul Scheer [00:07:53] That’s a lot.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:55] She also evades, the security detail that’s been assigned to her. Takes $5 million out of the bank like it. Goes through like you said, a Fast and Furious style car chase where apparently everybody in Seattle drives an Audi. That’s just what we’re doing. And. And I was like, at what point, we’ve spent three movies now with Taylor and the security detail, and they are worthless. They do zero. Justice for Taylor.

 

Paul Scheer [00:08:31] They are so bad. The security detail in this movie is so bad that when they capture a person that is trying to abduct her in her own home, they’re like we don’t have any handcuffs. Yeah, we don’t know how to restrain this person.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:08:44] No zip ties. Our hands aren’t enough to hold them.  Owie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:49] Both Anastasia Steele, again, a name I will never think is a real name. It makes it only seem more like this is Skin-a-Max. But both she and Mia, the sister, are able to just effortlessly evade their security detail. And that is chilling.

 

Paul Scheer [00:09:07] Well, I do want to. I want to just check in with you, Chelsea, because, you know, obviously we watched all three. Just talk us through where you came in on the 50 Shades world. Like, did you read the books?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:09:18] Yes. Yeah. So about nine years ago, I had a feeling I’d be on the show and I was like, I should read this book. So I did, I did, I read the original book. Did you guys read?

 

Paul Scheer [00:09:29] I read it, I read pieces of it. I owned it.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:09:32] So I like I, I’m a writer.

 

Paul Scheer [00:09:36] I support publishing. Independent publishers.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:09:39] Right. So we’re both writers and I read the book, but I’m not one of those writers who cares. I’m not like, oh, grammar or like, like I’m not like that. And that book, the sentence structure, the grammar, the commas was, was obscene to the point where I think E.L. James was like, every comma is a dick. Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:00] I think she calls them cummas.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:02] Cummas.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:08] Last show of the week, everybody.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:11] That’s the shirt. That’s the shirt.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:14] It’s not going to get better.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:14] You done?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:15] That’s it. That’s the peak for me.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:17] Well, she also calls, you know, when she’s writing, she’s like, he touched my down there.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:21] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:22] Wait, how are we just finding this out?

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:25] Oh, no. Well.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:25] My down there.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:27] No, no.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:28] Yes. And she also refers to herself as her inner goddess. Right. Inner goddess is a big term.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:33] Inner goddess I can kind of understand, but touching your down there is too much an immature, childish, well, like way to talk about it.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:40] Exactly. Also. But, you know, she’s a the other really important part of the book, and this blows my mind. She didn’t have a laptop.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:48] Wait.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:49] Do you remember this?

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:50] No.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:50] Anastasia’s in college.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:52] Oh, I thought you meant E.L. James.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:10:53] Maybe.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:55] She wrote it longhand.

 

Paul Scheer [00:10:57] By the way. That would make sense. Like I went to the library use their. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Oh, yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:11:06] She’s, like, in college, and she’s like, and Christian Grey’s like, here, you need a laptop. She’s like, what?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:13] In these movies, he’s constantly gifting her tech. A phone. A this. A that.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:11:18] Yeah, yeah, but I’m worried about. I’m worried about her. I’m worried about E.L. James. Honestly. Have we checked on her?

 

Paul Scheer [00:11:23] Well, I mean, you know, E.L. James, like I feel like it. We were talking about this last night. There is something very like. Like this movie is like. Ooh, I like to walk on the wild side, which means breaking a man of the habits that he has, marrying him and having kids. It’s like. It’s like it’s they. It’s like, yeah, it presents like, ooh. But then it’s also very it’s all super vanilla.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:11:45] This is our sexiest book, and she’s like, be a husband. And I’m a mom now.

 

Paul Scheer [00:11:48] Yeah, I’ll have as many kids as you want.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:53] It seems as though. And because I did not process these books at all, and what I understood was that it was this incredibly sexual descent into this world of BDSM and all sorts of other kinks and so forth. And then it is so vanilla. Yeah, inside of it, there’s like, there’ll be handcuffs and then just missionary fucking.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:13] Yes. Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:15] No long, languid teasing, there’s no.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:18] Nothing. Well, the book I have to say, the books are a lot hotter and a lot dirtier then, which is sad because they’re fine. Yeah. But in the movie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:29] Should we do the books? How did this get written?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:36] The scene that crushed me.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:37] Answer’s with one hand.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:39] Hahahahahahaha!

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:41] I still got it.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:43] There was more than cummas.

 

Paul Scheer [00:12:45] You’re ready to go. He’s ready to go, it’s a Friday night.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:48] Do you remember this scene when he’s like you, you hung out with your friends?

 

Paul Scheer [00:12:52] Oh, yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:12:52] And that’s not allowed. And I’m like, this is again what’s hot to us. Whatever. And he’s like, you’re going to be punished. And then he pulls out a vibrator half the size of the microphone and he’s like.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:01] Brrrrrrr.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:13:02] She’s like, no!

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:03] Makes the same sound, the same sound as a lightsaber in Star Wars.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:13:10] And then he’s just like, there’s a slow shot of the vibrator. And then. And then they cut away from that, and then you just he’s just like.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:15] No. What was so crazy about that scene. What was so crazy about that scene was and again, we’re we’ve talked about sex a lot in these films, but that was, to me the most graphic scene because it was like in between her underwear. It was what it was in there.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:13:32] But it was so small.

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:33] Yeah, maybe. Yes. Like.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:13:35] This is 50 Shades of Gray. You you only got the Walmart thumb vibrator you buy in secret when you’re checking out.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:41] Swear to God, it’s the base of an electric toothbrush.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:13:44] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:46] It’s not even a vibrator. It’s the thing you grab to be like. I don’t know, maybe this .

 

Paul Scheer [00:13:54] But what I love about that scene is like. And this is the thing, Christian Gray is, like, super redeemable at points and then goes right back to being a fucking asshole. The like, you’re like, oh, so he’s like, you find out in that scene, like he brought her into the red room to torture her for promising one thing and then doing then another, and she’s like, oh, whoa, red, red. She calls out her safeword.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:14] This is the first and only time she uses red.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:14:17] And it was. I just want to make it very clear. It’s because he put the vibrator up to her three times and then pulled away, and she’s like, red, red, red. And she’s like, I almost came. And then I did it, you monster.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:32] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:14:32] That was as rough. That’s as rough as it gets. Yeah. Almost coming. Blue balls.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:39] You’re. Yes. You’re teasing me too much. Red. No one wants to be teased during sex.

 

Paul Scheer [00:14:45] But then you. But then you have this moment where she’s like, I can’t believe you did this. You use the Red room to prove your point. He’s like, yeah. And she’s like, okay, let’s get back to the mystery. So who do you think is after us? And I was like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:56] And as long as it’s not as long as it’s not Kim Bassinger because she’s not in the movie, we can keep going.

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:01] We set up a villain in the first two movies, that is simply not there in the third.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:15:08] She’s a text message.

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:09] Yeah. Oh right. One text.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:15:10] She sends a text message.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:12] I kept waiting for her to arrive. But then who do we get? HR Liz. I was like, Liz from H.R.? What are you doing here?

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:23] Well, this is the craziest thing.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:25] She’s here to conduct an exit interview.

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:31] This movie is constantly setting up villains and premises that they don’t, it’s like they set up this whole thing that Anastasia’s friend Kate. I have a lot to say about Kate is nervous.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:42] Also, thank God Kate got engaged.

 

Paul Scheer [00:15:44] Well, but I but by the way, Kate gets engaged. I think my boyfriend’s cheating on me. Then they set up. Anastasia’s seeing like this person touching his face, and then he proposes to her and it’s like was he?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:15:57] Yeah. And she’s like. He’s like, I asked my ex to help me pick out the ring. So she’s like, okay. And then that’s it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:04] It’s Gonzo. And boy, I hope someday I am in love and I have a relationship and I can get down on one knee in the middle of a crowded Aspen nightclub and in front of strangers, and some family and friends propose to that lucky girl and then dance the night away.

 

Paul Scheer [00:16:24] It is bonkers.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:27] Kate should say no.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:16:29] Wait. And we never know what happened with her in wait. Just real quick. The movie begins at their wedding and again, this whole thing was written for women. Women are the demo. The wedding is hideous. I was like, you had one job, but give us a nice wedding. No, no.

 

Paul Scheer [00:16:46] No, the wedding. And they want to get out of the wedding so quick. It’s like they don’t give you any pomp and circumstance.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:51] Like they don’t even. It’s not even a scene.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:16:53] It’s cutting.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:54] Opening credits.

 

Paul Scheer [00:16:55] Although I did see that Jose is working the wedding. Jose is there a photographer friend who took a lot of like, photos of her in the second one, and at one point Jose’s is running around the camera like you hired Jose? Your buddy shouldn’t be taking the pictures, let them enjoy the party.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:17:09] I’m glad he was there. Kate is in a, really ugly dress. I was like, that’s rude of you.

 

Paul Scheer [00:17:15] They only had two days to get their outfits.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:17:16] You’re right, you’re right. But did you notice that the wedding ended at a what appeared to be 11 a.m.?

 

Paul Scheer [00:17:23] Yeah, it was early.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:25] Oh, yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:17:26] Sun like sun was like at its peak when they were running out.

 

Paul Scheer [00:17:30] They get the airplane. They’ve already changed. And it’s not even noon like. Yeah, they’ve they’re they’re gone.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:35] It’s so interesting like the scale and scope in the second movie there’s a sexy, no, a not sexy masquerade ball with hundreds of extras and massive set piece and blah, blah, blah. The wedding should have had that kind of feel. Yeah, and there isn’t anything. This movie takes place in small rooms with just a handful of. I almost feel like this is like an indie film version of the movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:17:59] I thought at a certain point, the way they start filming it, like we were never going to see people are like, oh, they’re getting married by themselves. But then when they escape the wedding, a get, get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to share you with these people.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:18:10] Our loved ones who you are not allowed to see anymore. Yeah, or I’ll fuck you in the red room.

 

Paul Scheer [00:18:15] It’s so bizarre.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:16] Clumsily and boringly. These people are bad at sex. Period.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:18:23] Very bad.

 

Paul Scheer [00:18:25] I did appreciate that this movie takes the bold choice to have her start going down on him, because he all he does his move is just like, I’m going down like he’s always starting at the bottom and working his way up.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:37] Covered in ice cream covered in ice cream. You are gonna smell like bad milk tomorrow. You’re gonna. You’re spoiling as we speak.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:18:46] Can I tell you my, my. I was watching the movie. Also folding laundry. Weird. My husband came in. He was like, oh my God. So there’s like, cum all over her leg. And I was like, no, it’s a product placement for Ben and Jerry’s.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:01] Ben and Jerry’s was in the last movie too.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:19:04] Just he put some some on her leg and, like, eats it. And she came from it. I was like.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:09] She’s always cumming. She’s cums a lot.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:19:11] I do like that for her.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:13] But that’s what I like about her is like, that’s her attitude is someone’s always cumming because she like even when they pull up to the plane, she’s like, you own this? That’s what she says in every movie. Yeah, yeah. She’s always surprised.have they never spoken? Like they literally have never had a conversation.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:30] They don’t have real conversations. We know.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:32] The Bachelor.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:33] We know this. But yeah, because they are already married and have not had a conversation about whether they want children or not.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:39] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:41] Which I she was like, you want kids, right? Husband? Wait, how did that not come up?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:19:47] And he’s like, no, I hate children. How could you do this to me?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:52] She’s like, I’m pregnant.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:19:53] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:19:55] That pregnancy scene when she reveals that he gets so mad.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:20:00] Very dark.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:01] And and it’s. And what I love about this movie is that, like, those are the moments where they go there where it’s like, I don’t want kids because kids are going to take you away from me.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:20:12] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:12] I was like, oof, that’s a tough thought to sit with.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:16] Again, those things make me feel like both of these people have the emotional intelligence of like 16 year olds.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:23] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:23] They are children. Even though they were adults.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:20:27] No, she’s a child still.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:29] Acting like children.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:30] They’re two people under 30, they barely got their shit figured out.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:34] Yeah, like so if you’re under 30. Go fuck yourself, says Paul Scheer.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:40] All I’m saying is this. You don’t want to be held accountable for the decisions you make before 25.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:20:46] Oh, no.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:47] It’s a terrible place to be.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:48] Oh, you shouldn’t be allowed to get married under 30.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:50] Yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:20:51] I like that as a rule.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:52] And if you’re over 50, it’s cool. You can still get married someday.

 

Paul Scheer [00:20:59] My favorite scene that’s not in the movie, but I wanted to see is like, they go to France, they’re having this beautiful, you know, French honeymoon. And at one point they go, like, does he have to be with us? And they cut to Taylor, the bodyguard.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:13] Here’s the update. No. Yeah, he’s fucking useless.

 

Paul Scheer [00:21:16] But what I loved about Taylor was like, at one point they he’s like, let’s go back to the boat. And then they get on jet skis and they jet ski off. And I’m like, just saying I wanted the camera to pan over. And you see, like Taylor on his own little jet ski like like he because he’s got to get back to the boat too.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:32] In the scene. In the scene where, where they’re racing Audis where.

 

Paul Scheer [00:21:37] Where they become Fast and furious?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:39] When they drive away from the new house and and Christian is like, you drive.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:21:44] Because she she told that architect to go fuck herself.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:47] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:21:48] Can we play that scene?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:50] Yeah. And then I’ll say my dumb bit afterwards.

 

Paul Scheer [00:21:52] This, this architect scene is one of my favorite things.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:57] This is again, she was a demure Mormon virgin, I believe, eight days prior to this.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:22:07] Yes, yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:22:07] She’s becoming as evil as Christian Gray in this scene.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:09] She has surpassed.

 

Movie Audio [00:22:10] Please stop speaking to my husband as if I weren’t here.

 

Movie Audio [00:22:13] Anna. I have designed many prestige projects.

 

Movie Audio [00:22:19] You may call me Mrs. Gray. And this is not a prestige project. This is going to be our home. So if you want this job, I suggest you stop making eyes at my husband and keep your hands to yourself. Or you can go and climb back into your shit colored car and drive back. It’s up to you.

 

Movie Audio [00:22:43] Look, I’m sorry Mrs. Gray, but I would never. It won’t happen again.

 

Movie Audio [00:22:53] Everything okay?

 

Movie Audio [00:22:55] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:22:55] I don’t even understand that turn.

 

Movie Audio [00:22:57] Alternative approach.

 

Paul Scheer [00:22:58] Like. What does that turn like? What does that turn when she’s like? Like why? Why is she going all demure in that moment?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:23:06] That woman’s acting is in the same movie as Marcia Gay Harden.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:11] I fucking the the the movie’s insults are so ridiculous.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:15] Shit colored car.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:23:18] That’s her best line of dialog.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:19] Oh, 100%.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:20] This is the by the way, they have more chemistry than Anastasia and Christian Gray. All I want is to watch them kiss.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:23:27] Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:28] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:29] That was hot. That’s. That’s red hot, that scene.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:32] But I will say this. It was confusing because when she popped on screen, I was like, wait a second, is that Kate? Because which blond is who? This is the movie where these are three different characters.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:23:49] What is what is so crazy is that one of them is Rita Ora.

 

Paul Scheer [00:23:53] Yes, yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:23:55] Like, how did you make Rita Ora look like Kate? Oh, no. Were you cumming?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:00] Yeah, I just came. Oh. You said Rita Ora, and I was like, agagagooo.

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:07] I mean, like, if you take a Rita Ora out of the equation, like, just keep the two. I was, I was, I was confused.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:14] It is consistently confusing.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:24:16] Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:16] Yes. Because they’re all intermixed.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:18] And also, Casey Dutton, the brother, what’s his name? I can’t remember his name. He’s Cassie. Yellowstone.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:24:25] Elliot.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:26] Elliot is is engaged, gets engaged to Kate during this, but we then see him on the street talking to the architect.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:24:35] That was the architect?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:36] That was the architect.

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:36] Yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:24:37] What?

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:38] Yes. That’s what I’m saying. So I’m like, why is the architect there? And then I’m like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:41] Their world is so small.

 

Paul Scheer [00:24:44] I thought he was as confused as I am. He’s like, oh, that’s my girlfriend. It’s like, no, oh, that’s my ex-girlfriend.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:50] That’s what she should have said. When Kate is like, I don’t know, he’s might be cheating on me with the architect. She should have been like, oh, he probably thinks the architect is you.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:24:59] Okay. But then that that means the architect is like, I’ll fuck you. I’ll fuck you. Like the architect is fucking brothers?

 

Paul Scheer [00:25:05] I don’t understand, yeah, I don’t understand what the architect wanted from anything, really.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:25:10] She wanted to make a nice home. Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:25:12] Prestige, a prestige project. And, you know, architects. The one thing that architects love. It’s taking down a house with a lot of character. Yeah, and just making it like a modern home.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:25:24] Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:25] When they leave the house with that after that scene, they leave the house and he’s like, you know, you handled her so well. Why don’t you drive us home or whatever? Yeah. And then she peels out and she’s driving fast and furious. Right. So Anastasia Steele is able to shake the tail that is Taylor and the security detail, but somehow HR Liz is unshakable. This is a woman who’s driving her personal car and is again the head of H.R. for a publishing house, and she is better at tailing them all over the city from the woods to downtown. And this security team is like, we lost her, we lost you. We don’t know where we are. I think we’re in Canada. Uh oh, boss, it’s fucking Keystone Cops over here.

 

Paul Scheer [00:26:17] This is where the movie makes no sense because they’re being tailed. But to what end? Like we just go back and forth to home and somewhere. They’re going to be home in a little bit.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:26:30] Also the guy in the end who’s going to hold her up for not the money. So I don’t know what. He’s not out of jail yet. So Liz’s just.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:39] Tailing her to keep tabs on her for him?

 

Paul Scheer [00:26:43] But they know that they always go home. They always go home.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:46] All right, guys, I didn’t make the movie, okay? Don’t be mad at me.

 

Paul Scheer [00:26:52] The other thing about this is the crazy, because, again, that thrillers are based in the idea that, like, who could it be? There’s a mystery. On the first day of their honeymoon, they’re like, Mr. Gray, there’s a server fire, and here’s the footage. And then immediately Anastasia’s like, oh, that’s my old boss. Yeah. Like immediately they’re like, oh yeah, it is. They know who it is.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:15] How are they not on this guy? This guy has been a creep since the last movie. The movie it says if they said in the first movie, you know what this movie needs villains. So in movie two, they’re like, here’s four villains. And then in this movie, they’re like, JK, just one villain. Oh, but a secret villain is now revealed, which is H.R. Liz. Somebody who’s, I think been an ally this whole time.

 

Paul Scheer [00:27:38] But also it’s doesn’t make sense because they don’t reveal what they capture and kill the villain and then it’s like an epilogue. It’s like, you know why he was doing that and it’s like, oh it like and there’s a credits.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:27:53] So so I thought maybe you because I didn’t watch movie number two because I don’t hate myself.

 

Paul Scheer [00:27:59] They go down very smooth.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:27:59] I thought maybe I missed something.

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:01] No, no, they never reveal it.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:28:04] So he was like he knows that guy?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:06] So at the end, like, maybe 15 minutes in or some, something happened and I was like, oh, wait a minute is. And I called it in a way that I think is a I’m punching it up into a better movie because Christian Gray, it doesn’t remember so much of his young life. I thought Jack was going to be revealed to be his brother.

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:24] His brother.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:28:25] I thought he was his brother till this moment.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:27] Yeah. Boy.

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:28] Right.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:28:28] So he’s not?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:29] It would be a better movie. They shared a foster home for a brief period of time.

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:34] And then basically someone came to adopt.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:36] Marcia Gay Harden came and adopted Christian Gray.

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:39] And he’s mad that like, they picked him over him, which is like almost like a, like a, like a puppy litter. Like it’s like it’s like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:46] What makes that so, so, so insane. Because wasn’t that in Detroit?

 

Paul Scheer [00:28:51] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:51] That’s in Detroit.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:28:52] Okay.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:53] Anastasia Steele gets a job at Sipp the publishing house in Seattle. Jack is her boss. Has no connection yet to Christian Gray. Christian Gray then buys the publishing company. So for this dude, Jack, all of a sudden.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:29:07] His foster brother comes and buys his publishing house.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:12] Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:29:13] Well, but that’s. But that’s only later. Like I would say, his is a long play is this. Okay. I’m going to become a famous publisher and got that. And then I’m going to wait, like, because for all of this to work.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:28] It doesn’t, no no, it has to occur to him only when he realizes that his assistant is dating his ex rival.

 

Paul Scheer [00:29:35] Oh, I see, I thought the plan was longer, like, I like I thought he was like, I know his type. And eventually he’ll find her. If I’m in the right position to hire her, then I’ll get her because he’s got a long plan, because even for her to get that interview, to get there, like, there’s no like. And then he’s at the party. There’s so many ways of him.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:29:59] Yeah, I know his type. A girl with medium brown hair. Kind of normal.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:05] He’ll never be able to resist this person.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:09] Here’s the wild reveal in the second movie. The wild reveal in the second movie is that all of the women that Christian Gray, he’s he has had 15 women in the Red room and that all of them look like his dead mother, including Anastasia Steele. He’s working some sort of.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:30:27] Mediocre, brunet fuck house.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:29] But and again, and I’ll bring this up in every episode, he’s also dealing with trauma because he was raped by Kim Basinger when he was 15.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:30:38] That’s right.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:38] So she’s also.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:40] While she was quote unquote teaching him how to fuck.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:42] Yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:30:43] Yes, yes. Because I was gonna say rape feels like a word that you’ve chosen.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:47] Yes. They don’t.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:30:47] But everyone else was like it was hot.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:49] Yeah, yeah. They never say it. But people are like that and they’re like, oh yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:30:54] Yeah, yeah. She’s a pedophile.

 

Paul Scheer [00:30:57] Yeah. But but she’s also his good friend and he doesn’t see any problem with it.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:01] Not at all. And he’s still in contact.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:03] As a matter of fact, in a time of need he’s like I should go talk to that person.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:05] And he doesn’t think his wife should have any problem with it. I told you, she’s just a friend.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:10] I’m just friends with my former pedophile rapist. Get over it.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:14] And yes. I own her blow dry bar. But that’s not a big deal. She’s very talented.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:19] A good investment.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:21] Both of them are so jealous. Childishly jealous.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:25] Yeah, yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:25] Like about the about casual experiences. Or his isn’t so casual, but they’re so, like, fly off the handle jealous.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:32] Oh, yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:33] In a way that I’m like, again, it’s. They are so. They’re just they’re just children so that they are so immature. So that then when it is them fucking I’m like, I don’t want this.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:43] It’s too earnest. It’s just something. Yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:46] I have another question. Okay. So Mia is his sister though, right?

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:50] Adopted.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:51] He is adopted.

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:52] He’s adopted.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:53] So she came from the foster home?

 

Paul Scheer [00:31:55] No.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:31:56] So then.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:57] I think Mia, I think Cassie. Elliot. Yeah. Mia and Elliot, I assume, are the biological. Although it’s never been answered. Maybe all the kids are adopted. Who knows?

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:06] Yeah, they’re all adopted? Okay.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:32:09] And she’s from a different? Right. I also, I really love the theme in this movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:13] Thank you. They’re all adopted.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:32:16] Someone’s on it. I also really love the theme in this movie were they like and why is everyone bad and gross? They were adopted.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:24] Well no, the most damning line in this movie. And I wrote it down because it was like, it really bummed me out because there’s a moment where it’s revealed that Jack, Jack is mad that that family picked Christian instead of him. Okay. Right. And she was like, I know you and you would never be a psychopath like this guy. And it’s like, so she’s basically saying like he. Like his.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:50] It’s nature nurture.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:51] Yeah. Sorry. I’m not saying the right way.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:52] E.L. James isn’t interested in interrogating any of what you’re talking about. Right? She’s interested in butt plugs.

 

Paul Scheer [00:32:59] Right. Right. Well, that’s what the movies and movie one sets up like you’ll never put anything in my butt. And movie three is like, I’m okay with it.

 

[00:33:08] No movie one is you’ll never put anything in my butt. And movie three is like, ooh.

 

Paul Scheer [00:33:14] But I think, I guess, I guess what I’m. I guess what I’m just dealing with, with did at the end is like, there’s no sympathy for this guy being angry or like, the Christian Gray got brought into an insane life. I could see the jealousy and she’s like, no, he would always have been a fucking psychopath. But Christian Gray’s is also kind of a fucking psychopath. Like they both aren’t well, people. They cut out a scene with Christian Grace that’s beating everybody up in that Aspen bar and like, that’s in the movie. It’s like he’s not well.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:33:44] He’s not no, he’s not a well man.

 

Paul Scheer [00:33:46] He’s not as good as you is. Like, you ain’t that good buddy.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:48] When she when the scene opens and, it we then we later find out she is with her gynecologist. I for the first 5 or 6 seconds or whatever, it was like, thank God she’s seeing a therapist.

 

Paul Scheer [00:34:02] Yes. Me too.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:03] Finally, these maniacs have decided to enlist a mental health professional. And instead, the woman’s like, you’re pregnant.

 

Paul Scheer [00:34:14] But it also was immediately they immediately get pregnant.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:34:19] What do you think is more unbelievable? The the pregnancy, HR Liz, Taylor, the whole mystery or that she sold at her new job 200,000 books in one week.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:35] Of Purgatory? Of the novel Purgatory?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:34:38] They come in. They say you sold 200,000 copies. Now, I just want to clarify. Like I used to think like, oh, yeah, if you’re a bestseller, hundreds of thousands.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:48] That’s not even the the actual cover looks even worse. This is the this is just galleys. The actual cover looks like like a VHS Stephen King box. There’s no 200,000 people want that book. Period.

 

Paul Scheer [00:35:03] But it’s again, it’s E.L. James going like, me. This is her fantasy. It’s her.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:35:07] Her sexual fantasy is like she’s at a publishing house and she sells 200,000 books.

 

Paul Scheer [00:35:13] When she sold 200,000 books is like, get the fuck out. And it’s as if two people that are trying to sell books are like no, that’s a fucking giant number.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:20] Also in E.L. James fantasy, because Boyce Fox was initially like, Pooh poohed as somebody who wouldn’t sell books, wouldn’t move units. And she was like, he has a big online presence. The online. It’s her.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:35:34] This is E.L. James.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:35] She’s Boyce Fox. Wait, is it an anagram?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:35:42] Have you guys talked about the casting of Christian Gray at all?

 

Paul Scheer [00:35:46] We talked. It was the guy from Sons of Anarchy, but that’s all we kind of knew.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:49] Initially, Charlie Hunnam was cast as Christian Gray.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:35:52] Oh, wow.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:53] That’s and I can’t remember. I think they might have shot a little bit with him or something.

 

Paul Scheer [00:35:56] He’s said that he had a 48 hour turnaround from the last day of shooting Sons of Anarchy to this character, and that he couldn’t transform in 48 hours. He needed more time. Jamie Dornan had only five weeks to get in shape, so he’s not very happy with his body in the first one. So you notice in the second to his body is a lot better because he’s very happy with it.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:36:14] Well, I, I if you read the book, the literature. Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:36:18] From the page.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:19] Oh, yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:36:20] Christian Gray is like a massive man. He’s like six foot five.

 

Paul Scheer [00:36:25] He’s like Jack Reacher.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:36:26] Yeah, he’s Jack Reacher, but it’s.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:28] Now. Now I’m interested.

 

Paul Scheer [00:36:31] I’m in.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:32] Now I’m interested. He’s Reacher. And when the cops show up, it’s Bosch.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:36:39] I just. I just want to. I just want to go back to being a real big man. Yeah. I just want to know, how was this not Armie Hammer? And had it been, would he have survived the cancellation? No, I didn’t say he’s a great guy. No. Yeah. Years ago, before we knew he ate people. Why didn’t they cast him? He would be like, oh, these people. And we’d be like, we know we saw 50 Shades.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:04] Can you guys not even hear Armie Hammer’s name? Just saying the name. People are like, aggghhh.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:37:12] That girl thinks he should eat ladies.

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:17] But yet this guy we like, this guy is like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:19] Boy, oh, boy. Like Armie Hammer. Like, they’re. That’s a horny movie. That’s a movie that gets it right. Call me by your name. Yeah, that’s a movie. The fucking. That’s what I’m talking about.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:37:28] I’m just saying pre, pre what we knew about Armie Hammer. I just want to know why he wasn’t on the casting doc.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:34] And by the way if he was in these movies and then that stuff came out about him, people would have been like of course we’ve seen the Red room.

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:39] Or they were like, I think what you’re saying is we would have accepted it. We would have been.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:37:44] We would have been like, so ironic that. I’m not arguing for him. I’m glad he’s like in the Bahamas, like dying or whatever’s happening. I mean, I’m just saying, there’s an alternate world.

 

Paul Scheer [00:37:59] And finally, let’s not have Armie Hammer come out for this surprise guest. Okay. So the, I do want to play.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:07] It’s not Armie Hammer. It’s navy screwdriver anyway guys. Hear me out. Black it out. That’s the show, everybody. Thank you very much.

 

Paul Scheer [00:38:22] I had a friend in high school whose name was, Dan Gross. And everyone would go, Dan Gross? He goes it’s not gross. It’s disgusting. It’s a great bit. Four years. Couldn’t get tired of that bit. When you were saying, what’s the most ridiculous thing? Yes. Selling 200,000 books is ridiculous. But I argue that this scene is the most ridiculous scene.

 

Movie Audio [00:38:43] Am I in the right office?

 

Movie Audio [00:38:46] We had a makeover.

 

Movie Audio [00:38:47] Mr. Roach wanted to welcome the new fiction editor.

 

Movie Audio [00:38:50] Who’s the new fiction editor?

 

Movie Audio [00:38:52] You are. You got a promotion?

 

Movie Audio [00:38:55] I got I got a promotion.

 

Movie Audio [00:39:02] Hi, Hannah. Hey.

 

Movie Audio [00:39:05] How do you like the new digs? Amazing.

 

Movie Audio [00:39:07] I’m going to let you get settled in. And a good luck. Not that you need it.

 

Movie Audio [00:39:12] Who is that beautiful man?

 

Movie Audio [00:39:15] Oh, that’s Sawyer, my personal security. Can we find a spot for him?

 

Movie Audio [00:39:20] I might have an opening. Hannah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:24] By the way, that that single line from Hannah. If you’ve got an Anna in the movie, don’t have a Hannah. That that single line and it’s delivery should be the tone of the whole movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:39:40] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:41] Hannah gets it.

 

Paul Scheer [00:39:43] But I. But this scene. But this scene.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:46] I might have an opening. Yeah! Quick, sharp. Funny. Sexy.

 

Paul Scheer [00:39:53] No, none of these characters can show any of those signs.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:39:56] Sawyer. Hotter than Jamie Dornan.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:58] Yes. And all the leads are like meh.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:01] I thought that that guy was Sam. The guy who. Well, I.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:40:06] Britney Spears’ husband? Sam Asghari?

 

Paul Scheer [00:40:08] Yeah, that’s him.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:40:09] You thought that’s who that was?

 

Paul Scheer [00:40:11] I thought it was for a second.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:12] You thought it was actually him? I thought you meant it looked like him. Oh, I get it. What I see about, Anastasia Steele and Christian Gray is that they walk through a world. Seattle, the most vibrant city in America. They walk through a world that everywhere they are, whoever is there desires them to the point of self-destruction.

 

Paul Scheer [00:40:35] And they show nothing that would make you feel like this or like it’s not like, you know, sometimes you go to a party or you go to, I have a dinner. I want to know more. I want to hang out with this person. They show nothing that shows you anything of interest. Like, yeah, I am more interested in Hannah, who seemed to be a contemporary of Anna and now is.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:40:56] Do we ever see Hannah again?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:57] Never again.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:40:58] Because you played that and I said I don’t even remember her.

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:02] No, they kind of get in and out of characters in this thing real quick. They don’t have enough time.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:06] She is, I believe, the only person of color in the entire trilogy.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:41:09] She should have been at the wedding.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:10] Which is shocking.

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:12] She was too busy working. I mean, this.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:41:14] Hopefully she’s fucking Sawyer.

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:16] This is my issue, though. This fucking scene is like my son has written the story. It’s like, now you’re the president. I am? When did that happen? Yesterday. And you already. Everyone eats free cake. All right. Great. Let’s do it. More cake. More cake, says the president. And he gets on an eagle and flies away.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:38] And I love that when they’re proofing perk, or they’re not proving it when their conversation where they’re like, we sold 200,000 copies or whatever, J.L. Sanders, like you did it. And then she’s like, you know what, though? Make the front two points bigger.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:41:50] That’s right.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:50] Like she’s just tossing that off like, publishing specifics. Make the font bigger. How small is that font?

 

Paul Scheer [00:41:59] My favorite moment is that she goes, hey, we didn’t change your email. You know, we want to change it to Anastasia. Gray. And she’s like, no, I’ll keep it as Anastasia Steele. Okay, cool. And then beep beep beep. What the fuck? You don’t have an email? I’m like. How did he find?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:17] He said I sent you and email and it bounced back.

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:18] Immediately.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:42:19] But that means he guessed. He was like, I’m going to send my wife an email. I’m not going to use the phone, not going to text. How we normally do.

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:25] I haven’t sent my wife an email in years.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:28] Chelsea, I believe it’s not a guess. It’s a test.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:42:31] Okay, well, that would give the movie a lot of credit. Yeah. She’s like, she started work 30 minutes ago. Let me type in. Anastasia Grey.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:39] It better fucking go through!

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:40] He hasn’t even. Even if she did change it, it might have bounced back. She just got the job.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:42:45] She just got the promotion.

 

Paul Scheer [00:42:49] Oh, my. And by the way, what a bold move to be like. Is that ever happened in real life? Someone decorates your office without any input?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:42:56] And gives you a promotion without you knowing, and sends the bitchy lady to tell you.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:01] None of what happens in any of these movies happens in real life. You got in a car chase through the streets of Seattle, I believe, to Jamiroquai. And then you get into a parking garage and fuck like it’s David Cronenberg’s Crash, a movie I desperately wish I’d seen instead, which is so much hornier than this movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:43:25] This movie. Anytime there’s stress, anytime there’s happiness, anytime there’s any emotion. Fucking is like, that’s the go to. And I feel like that may have taken away some plot points or some drama. Right? Like, I think you need people to talk about things that certain people like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:41] Yeah, yeah, they don’t seem interested in interrogating any personal anything.

 

Paul Scheer [00:43:46] All right, let’s go to you. Your name?

 

Audience Member [00:43:47] Alyssa.

 

Paul Scheer [00:43:48] Alyssa. What’s your question?

 

Audience Member [00:43:49] Okay, so if Jack Hyde can break into, like, Christian Gray’s office building, which has, I’m guessing, a top notch security system because he’s the most tech guy ever.

 

Paul Scheer [00:43:59] Is he? He owns a blow dry bar and we know that. And a publishing house. Those are the two.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:44:07] Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:08] And and energy stuff.

 

Paul Scheer [00:44:09] And he flies a bunch of different helicopters. And one time he was working on a MacBook that seemed to be off.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:44:15] Also, as a security guy, his text messages show up on his screen. No passcode.

 

Paul Scheer [00:44:20] Yes, yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:44:22] Something to think about.

 

Paul Scheer [00:44:22] Okay, but yes. But for the purpose of this question.

 

Audience Member [00:44:25] Right, right. He’s complicated. But my question is why? If he can like, design a bomb and trick these securities and, like, break into high whatever places, why the fuck is he a publishing editor? Why not become a master spy?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:38] How did he get all these skills? He’s able to dupe a key card. He has the hacking equipment to set a bomb in the server room. By the way, I want to watch a movie about Jack is the most interesting character in this trilogy. Full stop. Justice for Jack. Justice for Jack, I don’t care about these rich fucks.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:02] But here’s my question about Jack. Jack already did the most insane thing, which was plant a bomb on Christian’s helicopter, which they just kind of say in the past. He’s like, oh, by the way, they did tell me there was a bomb on there anyway, like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:16] Oh the movie only exists because withholding information is integral to their relationship.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:22] But I mean, so he. But when he goes to the server room, I didn’t understand. Why stop there? Like what? Like it just seemed like he just upset the servers. It didn’t seem like anything.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:32] No, I think it was so he could steal files without being.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:35] Files for what?

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:37] Files of what?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:45:38] Of what? Good books to publish.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:41] Yeah. I don’t. That, I don’t know.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:42] But. Yeah, because it’s like. Like I was expecting, I was expecting him to go like. Like in the paper we would see all those NDAs that he’s made these women sign that we’ve set up and it gets like released. So he’s like this guy or.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:53] Something he could blackmail them with. So like, he’s blackmailer in the, in the, in the store that you find out and so forth.

 

Paul Scheer [00:45:59] But nothing, nothing seems to come of it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:00] But the movie isn’t interested in building any plot. I’m sure it’s in the books. And someone will correct us and tell us exactly why. But the movies aren’t interested in building out the thriller element of it. They just want to have a couple of thrilling set pieces, right? They don’t want to actually be like, here’s the why of this.

 

Paul Scheer [00:46:18] It’s every element in a thriller without any of the payoff or setup.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:21] Yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:46:21] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:46:21] It’s like, oh, we need a car chase. Oh, yeah, someone should get shot. Oh, and maybe a twist. Oh, yeah. It’s the HR person. Oh, we never would have thought that.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:29] Oh, hang on a second. I feel like maybe we should have a scene where we see Jack and understand what his motivation is. No, sorry. Just a scene where Christian Gray plays Baby, I’m amazed. We’re gonna put that in instead of the plot stuff just because. Sexy?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:46:47] But also, that was pretty hot. Playing the piano was like, baby, I’m amazed. I was like, yes. Yes, play piano on my pussy.

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:01] I can’t top that.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:02] Tickle the ivories.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:47:03] That was the most action, him doing the piano. I was like, oh, maybe he can fuck.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:08] Oh yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:10] Yes. Your name, your question. Hi.

 

Audience Member [00:47:12] Hi, Alyssa. Just for the audience, ladies, you announce your pregnancy. Granted, you forgot to take your birth control, but your man leaves, gets drunk with his pedophile, rapist, comes home hammered, hits on you, and we’re going to forgive him and just keep on dragging on. We’re not going to talk about this? We’re not going to talk about this?

 

Paul Scheer [00:47:37] They never talk about anything. I’m surprised. Like that. That definitely felt like they needed to go on another glider ride, because whenever they do anything that is like that upsetting, they need to go up in the air. They need to go on another helicopter.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:50] If only if only couples therapy existed in the world of these movies.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:47:55] Yeah, well, also, she gets mad. She’s like, how dare you go be with Elaine or whatever, Kim Basinger, right? And then she gets kicked and she’s in the hospital and she wakes up and he’s like, I want to marry you. And she’s like, that’s tight. We’re done here. And I was like, so you were that. Was that only the only thing you want? You were never mad at Elena. You just wanted him to marry. But he already married you. And then, like, do you know what I mean? She’s like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:19] Yes. Well, the scene, the scene that is, to me, one of the most insane is the scene in the closet where she’s getting dressed. She’s in her underwear, she puts on all the undergarments, then her boots. Wow. While this is the. I felt like they did that because this was the only scene in which they were talking about their interior emotional states. And E.L. James must have been like this. This is boring. So during this, she’s getting dressed but never puts on enough clothes. So she.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:48:58] And now she can’t put pants on. Her shoes are on.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:00] She just puts on underwear and then, I guess, boots to fill up the rest of the time. And that’s the scene. And it’s insane.

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:07] I mean, I also will say that one of the saddest things I saw in this movie was her storming out of the bedroom and then taking a blanket into the playroom and sleeping on like, one of those fuck couches.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:19] In the red room?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:49:19] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:21] And we know they have a guest bedroom that was established in the first movie.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:49:24] They have ten guest bedrooms.

 

Paul Scheer [00:49:25] Go to the guest bedroom. Don’t sleep on the fuck couch. It’s also said that the Red room would remind you of things that you don’t want to be reminded of.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:32] This is a movie or a series of stories that are not interested in real growth in any meaningful way. It’s all about like, don’t look in that closet. Don’t look in that room. It’s fine. Like both mentally.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:49:45] Yeah. But, you know, I’d be okay with that if they’re like, we’re not going to do any real growth because again, it’s a it’s a sexy movie. The demo is women. Go ahead.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:52] No, please go ahead.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:49:52] Okay. Well, this is an important point to me. And I just to tell everyone out here, it’s for women, okay? Sexy, sexy movie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:58] For women by women.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:49:59] For women by E.L. James.

 

Paul Scheer [00:50:03] For women, by woman.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:50:04] By woman, by woman. We see Dakota Johnson’s boobs a million times. No dick.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:12] No.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:50:13] No dick! We riot tonight!

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:18] In the first movie, you see like almost the the top of his dick.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:50:23] The little v.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:24] Like the dick neck. You know, you see just the neck where it connects to the pelvis.

 

Paul Scheer [00:50:31] I think that this is the issue truthfully. Well basically when.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:37] CGI? Somebody just said CGI.

 

Paul Scheer [00:50:41] Okay. Sure.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:50:43] Yeah put the dick in.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:45] Let’s get in the volume. Let’s put dicks this thing.

 

Paul Scheer [00:50:49] Jamie Dornan, when they were shooting the first movie, he said, I will not do Full Frontal. And that caused a lot of uproar with the fans. And I have a feeling that when when Charlie Hunnam dropped out, they probably had a hard time finding a guy to do Full Frontal.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:04] I will say when Charlie Hunnam dropped out, I connected with the producers and said, I will show my dick in this movie. And they were like, please, no, we’re not interested. Here’s my question, Paul, if you don’t mind. And I know that sometimes you ask the, question asker is to provide a this or that. I would like for the people to suggest, an actual movie that is horny for them. Ala Nine and a half weeks or Angel Heart or whatever is.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:51:36] Can I just say right now, Saltburn the last three minutes, a full dick dance.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:40] Oh, yeah.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:51:41] He’s just like.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:42] Oh, yeah. Murder on the dance floor. Murder on.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:51:46] More than 50 shades of gray.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:47] Oh, yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:51:48] My favorite thing about Saltburn is that, Barry Keoghan said, like, there’s that scene at the gravesite and he goes, yeah, that wasn’t in the script. I just, I said, I had an idea and I wanted to do that. And no one knew.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:52:02] I wanted to fuck the grave.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:05] I like the vibe.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:05] Or if you don’t want to say what movie you think is sexy, you can.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:52:09] No say it.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:10] You can also talk about your favorite part of Saltburn.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:52:13] Okay. All right, fair. All right.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:17] Here we go. Hi. What’s your name?

 

Audience Member [00:52:18] David.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:19] David, what’s the movie that you think is sexy?

 

Audience Member [00:52:22] Two Moon Junction.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:23] I was going to say that.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:25] Home run the movie.

 

Paul Scheer [00:52:27] All right, so, what’s your question.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:52:28] I never heard of this. I got it write it down.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:30] Is it Sherilyn Fenn? Sherilyn Fenn, Sherilyn Fenn?

 

Audience Member [00:52:32] Yeah. So I, watch with the captions on, like Jason says to do, and I notice that all the music cues.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:38] Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for your service.

 

Audience Member [00:52:42] The music is always, like, just describing literally what they’re doing. Like, we’re going to go up, up, up. And they like, get on a plane. And so, at the end, the music says, I can’t think straight. And then he says, you’re topping from the bottom Mrs. Grey. Which, topping and bottoming in the gay world means something very specific, which they are not doing. So I was I was wondering what what do you think topping from the bottom means?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:08] I feel like he’s I feel like somebody can correct me if I’m wrong. I feel like the sentiment of what he’s saying is you are domming from the sub. Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:53:17] Right.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:18] Right? Is that right?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:53:19] Because she’s.

 

Paul Scheer [00:53:21] But yeah, those are words he could have used.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:24] Come in. She’s calling the she’s.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:53:27] She’s calling the session.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:27] She’s saying. Yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:53:29] I see.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:30] She’s making him do a thing.

 

Paul Scheer [00:53:31] Which is what I thought from episode one. I thought this is what was going to happen, but we never really fully get there. Like we get close to it, right? But yeah, I think he could have just said, we’re domming the sub, not we’re topping the bottom. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it’s it’s weird that used to interchange those words that are so prominent in these three films. Like, it seems like that’s the word that you would go back to. But that’s a good question. There we go. All right. What’s your question? What’s your name? What’s your sexy movie?

 

Audience Member [00:53:55] My name is Jason.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:57] Cool dude. This guy gets it.

 

Audience Member [00:54:00] And then, so I didn’t. I didn’t read the book, but I read the wiki, and, Jack was bailed out by Kim Basinger’s ex-husband, who was jealous of the affair that he and she had had with Christian. And his revenge was years later, when he was in his late 20s, he paid the half million dollars to bail out Jack.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:54:26] Wait. This is a pitch? Or this is real?

 

Paul Scheer [00:54:29] That’s amazing. So in the book, in the book, 50 Shades Freed, the way that Jack Hyde gets out of jail is that Kim Basinger’s husband, who is jealous of Kim. Ex-husband, who is jealous that Christian Grey.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:54:44] This is great. Why is that not in the movie?

 

Paul Scheer [00:54:45] Should be in the movie. That’s a good.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:54:47] That’s interesting.

 

Paul Scheer [00:54:49] Wait. Hold on. How is it? How is it?

 

Audience Member [00:54:53] It’s almost it’s like a throwaway line when they show Kim Basinger at the end. On the newscast, they mention it really briefly.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:59] They do?

 

Audience Member [00:55:00] Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:01] How did I miss this?

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:02] How did I miss? I wasn’t paying attention to the newscast.

 

Audience Member [00:55:06] Maybe it was the unrated one.

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:07] It must have been with the unrated. Oh, yeah. Because as did you watch the version where Kim Basinger is in it? Okay, okay. Yes. Okay. That is the one. That’s that. They they cut her out.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:17] Okay, for a minute I was like, how did I miss this?

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:55:18] But just to be clear, the unrated version is like, we’re going to add a newscast.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:23] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:24] The unrated one is like we will answer a question.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:27] It’s not like you can see an uncut dick.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:55:30] It’s like.

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:32] Are you ready for your song? Yeah. Come on up. You know it. You know the drill.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:36] By the way, those are all great, all great questions and much better sexy, horny movies.

 

Chelsea Devantez [00:55:43] Yes, yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:55:44] Well, obviously we had opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.

 

Audience Member [00:55:56] If I was your husband, would you let me pay you by your place of work and fire your boss for being a man? Hey, a really gross man. I take your best friends on vacation. Take care of you. Let you hang with them for fun. When only I can and when only I can. If I was your husband, could I buy your dream house? Also buy you a car and a wardrobe for when we go out. Not that your helpless. But sometimes. Sometimes those are the things that financial control’s about. Would you let me braid your hair? Can I call you mommy sometimes? Or can we go to the playroom? Or maybe we could just go to a movie and rate it together? Cause to me, baby, that would be five stars.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:59] Yes!

 

Paul Scheer [00:57:00] Amazing. Give it up for Jen.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:02] Yes! Great job, Jen. Show it to them. Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [00:57:07] Give it up for Jen.

 

[00:57:09] Yes. That’s how it’s done.

 

Paul Scheer [00:57:15] All right. These are five star reviews from Amazon. Now here’s the interesting thing. First movie. 70,000 reviews. Second movie. 40,000 reviews. Third movie 20,000 reviews. 86 of these reviews are five star reviews. 86% Sorry 86% are five star reviews. And here we go. We’ll start off with KB, KB titles their review “HOT.” “This movie is just plain sexy. The only part about it is the pregnancy thing. I could have done without that. He’s a billionaire. If he wanted kids, he would have had them already. I loved that his reaction to that news was so realistic and what he said was spot on. If I were him, I’d be totally PO’d as well. It ruins the fantasy. Can’t we just have one movie about young, beautiful, fabulously wealthy people without it being ruined by children? Even sex in the city wasn’t safe. Thanks, Steve and Miranda, but whatever. Other than the pregnancy part. Yeah, it was lovely. Five stars.” Now, this one by Jan was a little surprising. Jan titled it. “Loved it. But we would love it so much more.” “I loved the unrated version. They should have had that version in the theaters. Now, here’s the thing I wish they would do as an anniversary for 50 Shades. I would love for them to have all the deleted scenes added to the unrated versions of the movies. I did a poll and over 250 people have said they would buy it completed like that. I hate having to see the deleted scenes as extras. If they were just added to the movie it would flow so much better. Plus, I’m sure there were some scenes that were never even used for deletions. They were just extra and put away. So come on Universal. We would like an uncut, unrated version of the movies with all the deleted scenes that were added to the movie to run straight through them. Five stars.”

 

Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:55] By the way, if they were smart, they would be marketing uncut versions. If they were smart, they would be. Unrated. Fuck you.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:09] Alan T writes “Good love story for love with a certain twist. It was enjoyable to watch. Would recommend you to watch it with a lover. I always hear of women getting charged up big time watching any of these three movies. Five stars.”

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:31] Ew. I don’t like the way you’re saying any of this. I don’t like that this has been written, but I definitely don’t like your interpretation. That’s chilling.

 

Movie Audio [01:00:42] Now, we have been hitting one star reviews as well, and this is the one that I really enjoyed from an Amazon customer. Couldn’t even put down their name. “First, you had no directions on how to hook this DVD to your cable TV.”

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:02] Hey, who is the you in that sentence?

 

Paul Scheer [01:01:07] Amazon, I think Amazon. Then.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:10] What’s shocking is that this is. Oh, wait. Go ahead. Sorry sorry, sorry.

 

Movie Audio [01:01:14] “First, you had no directions on how to hook this DVD to your cable TV. Then when I saw on the computer this IN YOUR FACE MOVIE” All in caps. “I just simply put it in the garbage. If someone wants to know about sex, well, there’s lots and lots of books and more tasteful ones like the Joy of Sex and the Kuma Sartra. As a SAG actor.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:01:48] Oh, twist!

 

Paul Scheer [01:01:51] “I really deplore, this so-called movie. I can’t tell you with all the publicity how abhorrent this movie was to me. God, what audacity to MAKE this so-called movie. To me personally as a SAG actor, my standards are high and it pains me that it’s happening in this industry. One star. I simply put in the garbage.”

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:02:23] Oh my God. A bigger twist than H.R. Liz is that they were a SAG actor.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:26] Wow.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:02:29] And they’re trying to connect DVDs to cable players.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:36] As a SAG actor, I don’t know how to hook this up.

 

Paul Scheer [01:02:38] Oh my God. But I do want to have, our final opinion before we get into our final opinions given by June Diane Raphael. June, who is sick, refused to be on camera. We did not have a masquerade mask, but, but we do have this clip, and we have a special guest here, too, so let’s just see if this will work.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:03:04] You know, the thing that I was most resentful of is the last shot of the third movie. She’s sitting reading a book and he walks over with their son, who’s like a toddler. And then as the camera pans out, you realize she’s also very pregnant. Their second child. And I’m watching. And I feel so mad because I’m like, I don’t care how rich you are. No mom of a like, 15 month old boy and pregnant has time to read a book.

 

Jessica St. Clair [01:03:35] Oh, I thought you were going to say then he says, come to my playroom and, like, straps her down onto one of his torture devices. Okay.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:03:41] No, I would have preferred that. I found this to.

 

Jessica St. Clair [01:03:45] That’s the most offensive?

 

June Diane Raphael [01:03:46] Offensive. Everything else.

 

Jessica St. Clair [01:03:48] He puts her in a dog collar.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:03:50] I don’t care. I was like, great. Respectful, respectful. Portrayal of women. Respectful portrayal of women. And yet when she was reading that book, I was like, don’t disrespect us.

 

Jessica St. Clair [01:04:01] That’s crazy. What a crazy take. I’m so sad that the people won’t hear this, this hot take.

 

Jessica St. Clair [01:04:06] Don’t disrespect us like that.

 

Paul Scheer [01:04:08] So that is June’s hot take.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:13] With Jessica St. Clair.

 

Paul Scheer [01:04:14] With Jessica St. Clair, who has not seen the movie and today did ask me sincerely what riz was, and I refused to tell her. Little does she know, it’s just an internet search away.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:26] But yeah, one of the one of the things that I wrote, which I do wish had come true, which is at a certain point, I think maybe when they were in Aspen or whatever, somehow something unfolded that I said, oh, is this whole movie basically, or this whole series of movies for Anastasia, the Anastasia Steele a “the game” situation. Is every, I felt like Jack and Liz from HR and Hannah and everybody kind of got me like, haha! We’re all actors, we’re SAG actors. This whole thing has been a game for you, put on by your friend Kate. Huzzah. That’s the only way this movie makes any sense.

 

Paul Scheer [01:05:10] I got an elaborate graduation present from her absentee mom.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:14] Imagine you are Jack, and you realize your assistant’s boyfriend is the guy that stole your life. That’s fucking bananas. The coincidences in this movie in this series are absolute insanity.

 

Paul Scheer [01:05:27] I mean, the way that they open up an envelope at the end, she’s like, oh, what’s that envelope? He’s like all this evidence and all the plot. She’s like, oh,  let me open it up.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:35] Oh, all this, all the pages we didn’t shoot it. Script pages for scenes we didn’t shoot.

 

Paul Scheer [01:05:41] Says here that Jack is going to be okay, but they got some evidence on them. Oh, here’s a picture. Wait. Whoa. What’s that picture? That’s me. That’s him. I guess we’re in the same foster home. All right, well, okay.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:53] And then she’s like, you can’t cook. And he’s like, I guess we’re going out for dinner. And it’s like, dun dun dun dun da doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo wop boom like, give me a fucking break. You don’t get to do that movie.

 

Paul Scheer [01:06:13] It’s so oddly unfulfilling that as he is tossing the pasta that he’s made, he’s, like over his shoulder going, oh, now it all makes sense. And then he could keep that envelope closed for so long of someone passed me and envelope like, hey, this is the why this person tried to abduct your wife and tried to kill you. I would open that up right away. Yeah, it wouldn’t be like an after dinner envelope. Like I’ll crack into that later on.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:06:37] I didn’t I didn’t crack into any of the extra scenes, deleted scenes, any of that. I didn’t watch the unrated version. I keep forgetting to. Thank God I didn’t.

 

Paul Scheer [01:06:45] The deleted scenes. There’s a giant scene of, Rita Ora playing chess on the airplane. Just her chess champ.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:06:52] Really? Amazing. I think there might have been a deleted scene where they’re all having breakfast in Aspen at the table, and, the brother is like, how come the table smells like rancid milk and and swamp ass? If I walk in to a communal breakfast table and somebody’s like, we fucked on this last night, I’m like, get the fuck out of here. I don’t want that. I don’t want fucking ass, fucking sweaty ass on the table where we eat breakfast. Get out of town.

 

Paul Scheer [01:07:30] There’s a movie called Going the Distance with Justin Long and Drew Barrymore, and they fuck on a table. And then the next day they’re eating, like, Thanksgiving on it, and they’re all disgusted by it. It’s one of my favorite scenes because it’s like two people know that it’s all disgusting. And then like, turkey legs are falling off on it and they’re like, oh, that’s it’s like, oh, I need a little bit more comedy in these.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:07:48] I was I was very bummed out by this movie. I thought it was going to get sexier. And I just watched and I was like, he’s a he’s emotionally abusive, he’s financially abusive. He’s almost physically abusive. He doesn’t show his dick. He’s not good at sex. He uses a tiny vibrator. The wedding was ugly. He’s not funny. He’s not charming. He did give her a publishing job, I liked that.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:08] Yes, yes.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:08:10] I liked. At the end of it, I was like, this fucking sucks. And then she goes in for that last montage that you talked about, and, and he is for the final montage where she goes through the whole relationship. He’s doing a Pilates pose where it’s just his arms holding his whole body up. He’s like levitating uses just as his arms and and she looks at him and thinks through their entire fucking relationship. And then he’s he’s still holding the pose.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:37] It’s all scene from the movie.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:08:38] Yeah. All from the movie.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:40] Yeah. Like as if it’s a recap of the trilogy of movies.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:08:44] Yes.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:44] That you have loved.

 

Paul Scheer [01:08:46] No, it’s as if they’re there. It’s like what they did at the end of the Fast movies when, you know, they’re kind of sending off their characters. Okay. Yeah. But like I’m like, I felt like they were like and that’s the end.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:08:58] Yeah.

 

Paul Scheer [01:08:59] But I was like, these are these characters dead?

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:09:02] Are they dead?

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:03] I can’t hear that. Paul Walker’s dead? Pablo’s dead? Vin?

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:09:09] That is sad.

 

Paul Scheer [01:09:10] Here it is.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:09:11] She thinks through three movies of a relationship, and he’s still holding the pose. Yeah. And I was like, all right.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:21]  In my mind as she rethinks as she remembers all of these things, she should be like, oh, wait a minute, I gotta get out of here.

 

Paul Scheer [01:09:28] Wait, right. This is a bad relationship.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:31] I’ve been tricked.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:09:33] Oh my god. I’m 20 years old. I should just leave.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:37] I am a prisoner.

 

Paul Scheer [01:09:39] What is also funny about this is like, oftentimes, like, montages like this are shown like to like, oh my gosh, look how they’ve grown. The amount of time has passed. Three weeks have passed. They nothing like they’re interchangeable scenes because you’re like, that scene, movie one I think they’re shooting movie. They’re showing scenes from this movie in the montage of the relationship. Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:01] What’s insane is that both, she and Kate, the college roommates, both graduate, get jobs, and marry billionaire brothers in the course of six weeks.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:10:16] Okay, so this movie is for women.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:21] Holy shit. What a fucking mess.

 

Paul Scheer [01:10:25] I think that, like, there’s been a, like, you know, I think the people look at this movie in a in a way that is unfair because they judge it as being like, oh, it’s just like sex and it’s this and it’s it’s gross. It’s so much more. It’s just really terrible movies. And I feel like people don’t like that enough. It’s like we don’t talk about like, no, no, the there’s choices here that make no sense. I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting like just gratuitous sex.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:10:51] Which would have been awesome.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:52] I was hoping for that.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:10:54] To be clear, I would have been like, yes, make more of this. All sex? Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [01:10:59] I was nervous to do these things because, like, it’s it’s going to be us talking about sex. No.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:11:04] No, you’re talking about espionage.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:07] Take me to pound town. That’s what I’m interested in. That’s not in this. This was three nights where I was like, well, maybe I’ll finally go. Oh, boy, it’s so boring.

 

June Diane Raphael [01:11:19] And each movie gets darker and darker, so you’re seeing less and less.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:11:24] Yeah. And and what if the handcuffs. Just to say, one of the handcuffs since he handcuffs her wrist to her ankle. Yeah. And then her wrist, her ankle. And it’s like. So it’s still missionary.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:34] Yeah. It’s never not missionary. Kim Basinger did a shit job teaching him how to fuck. The set decorators had such a blast building the Red room. It is decadent and enormous and has every sex toy in the world. They used, like two items and do and just fuck missionary. That’s it.

 

Paul Scheer [01:12:01] There are more interesting things up and displayed, but he says go in the top drawer, left one. Get the smallest thing out of there. Bring it over to me.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:08] It’s like in the movie last night. He brings out nipple clamps but demonstrates them on her finger only.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:12:16] No.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:18] That microcosm is what this movie, what this movie series is about sex. Here’s the thing. It’s. It’s outrageous. If you think about if you’ve never been exposed to it. But it could. Well, I’ll just do it on your finger. It’s okay, it’s okay.

 

Paul Scheer [01:12:31] So that’s it. We have done it. Jason. Chelsea, we have done all three. Thank you to our audience. Thank you to our to everybody who has come here all three nights.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:12:42] Everyone who’s cum here.

 

Paul Scheer [01:12:44] Yes, everyone is cumming.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:12:45] All three nights.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:46] How many people came three nights? Raise your hands. Whoa! Oh, man. The front rows are really representing.

 

Paul Scheer [01:12:52] We’re gonna let you take a picture in a second. But, Chelsea, tell everybody about your book so we can make sure. I know I don’t have a picture of it. Sorry. I’m drawing up something else.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:59] All looking at the screen like, let’s go.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:13:01] But. Yeah. Yes. Would love to tell you about my book. If you like crazy sex scenes, read a different book.

 

Paul Scheer [01:13:08] Yeah?

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:13:08] My not in mine. In my book, I date a magician who was an improviser.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:13:16] Yeah. Wait wait wait wait. One of those things is not cool. And one is cool. Yeah. What about an over 50 year old improviser?

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:13:26] Okay, back in business.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:13:28] Middle aged man.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:13:30] Middle aged men. Yeah. No, I wrote a I wrote a comedy gal memoir. And, that also has some sad parts in it. And if you like stuff like that, get my book. It’s called I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This. And I just want to clarify, if you sell 500 books, they would be like, that’s a good book. And just to remind you, she sold 200,000.

 

Paul Scheer [01:13:55] Yeah 200,000. That is like, yeah, that’s Harry Potter level for a political thriller parodying Dante’s Inferno.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:14:02] Week one.

 

Paul Scheer [01:14:03] Yeah.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:03] Is your book out now?

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:14:04] My book is not out now. No, no thank you. Okay.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:07] Preorder the book.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:14:08] Preorder my book. If you preorder my. In the name of not seeing Jamie Dornan’s Dick, preorder my book. Give money to women authors.

 

Paul Scheer [01:14:18] And my book has a picture of Damien in his dick. So you put it together or there’s, like, both pictures. He put both books together, Voltron, and you finally see his full dick and balls.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:31] But as you leave tonight and you’re waiting for your car to come or you’re at the bar afterwards, fire up Amazon or go to an independent bookseller of your Choice. Barnes & Noble. And preorder both of these books. Because preorders mean so much.

 

Paul Scheer [01:14:45] So much. It’s so crazy. And you have a podcast called Glamorous Trash, right?

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:14:49] Yeah. Where we read celebrity memoirs, we talk pop culture, which we just read, Barbra Streisand, which is, you know, it’s a 900 page book, my favorite part of her book. And this is gonna be a little spoiler alert for you, is in the beginning, she’s like, I met Warren Beatty when I was 16, and he was a nice guy. Nothing happened. Page 900, that is 48 hours later I guess I did fuck Warren Beatty. Oh, okay.

 

Paul Scheer [01:15:16] And and she spends a lot of the time in the beginning going. All these men make up all these stories that I fucked them. I didn’t fuck any of. I remember everybody that I fuck.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:15:25] Yes! I did fuck him. Yes.

 

Paul Scheer [01:15:28] Yes, it’s as if like it as if the 48 hour record, she was like, wait a second.

 

Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:35] It’s almost like she just got so tired recording the audiobook that she just was like, just saying truths.

 

Chelsea Devantez [01:15:41] Like, whatever. And the editor who was like, she said no. And then she said yes went, eh leave it in. To print. To print. Anyways, so if you want to hear us talk about that for an hour and a half, we’ll give you all the highlights.

 

Paul Scheer [01:15:52] I cannot wait. It’s so good. All right. Thank you, everybody! Thank you for coming out! What a great week. What a great time. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Will be back here and you can catch Jason and I next month here at Dinosaur. February 23rd. Thank you so much. Bye. Good night!

 

Paul Scheer [01:16:11] What a show. Thank you so much to Chelsea Devantez for helping us close out our 50 Shades of Gray trilogy. And a huge thank you, as always to the wonderful staff at Largo. I am talking about Alec up in the booth, Michael Griffey Flanney, and everyone else who makes our show’s run so damn smooth. Now, if you want to feel like you are a part of the live audience at the 50 Shades Freed live show, well, you can buy yourself a shirt. It’s the same shirt we we designed for the other two episodes. It’s Christian Gray’s nonsensical company. The shirt says Gray Enterprises: Business Telecommunications, Independent Publishing Blowdry bars and Charity. And you can buy this shirt and more at Teepublic.com/stores/HDTGM. If you have a correction and omission for this episode, please leave a message on our discord at discord.gg/HDTGM or leave me a voicemail at 619- PAUL-ASK or leave me and Jason a voicemail and ask us for help at that same number. Then make sure you tune in next week to our Last Looks follow up episode for 50 Shades Freed to hear me respond to your messages. And we’ll also be going back to talk about Ronal the Barbarian, so you still have time to submit your Ronal comments as well. People, a month away from my book release. That’s right, Chelsea and I back to back books, I’m coming out in May. She’s coming out in June. But here’s the best part. You can preorder them now. Head to my website. You’ll see where I’m touring. Dinosaur is going to be in Chicago. We’re also going to be in Seattle. We’re also going to be in Portland. I’m also going to be back in Chicago doing a book thing. I’m going to be in New York doing a book thing. I’m going to be in Canada, in Toronto doing a book thing. I have so much book stuff coming. But don’t let that stop you from buying the book. Buy the book now. Go at any retailer at all. Local, big box, online, whatever you do, and make sure you sign up for exclusive access to my preorder area of my website, where you get to see videos and pictures that no one else will see. People. That’s all I got. Remember, you can find us everywhere @HDTGM or visit us at HDTGM.com. If you love the show, tell your friends to listen to it too. Seriously. Honestly, word of mouth is the best mover of this pod. And you know what? It’s a lot more fun arguing about bad movies with a buddy. And last but not least, I got to say thank you to all your listeners who support this show every week and our entire team who this show couldn’t be done without. I’m talking about our producer, Scott Sonne, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer Avril Halley, our engineers Casey Holford, Enrich Garcia, and our associate producer, Jess Cisneros. That’s all I got, people. We will see you next week. Until then, bye for now.