EP. 153 — Car Crash

[00:00:04] CHRIS:  to all my involuntary reality show participants. It’s Beautiful Anonymous one hour and phone call. No names, no holds barred. 

[00:00:17] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one on one, I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

[00:00:29] CHRIS: Hello, everybody. Chris Gethard here. Welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous, very happy to be talking to you again. Thanks to everybody who enjoyed our episode last week with our blind caller. It was so beautiful to see the reaction. A lot of people hated his stories of being bullied and said on the Facebook group and on Twitter that they got a lot out of it. And that really means a lot. That’s why the show exists, to bring us all together and to give voice to people who don’t get to go on record in their own words as often as they should. Facebook group also made me laugh. Join the Beautiful Anonymous Facebook community. It’s like the one corner of the Internet that I still think is positive. This guy Russell put up this thing. It made me laugh. He was I love the podcast, but who else wants a new robot voice in the beginning? It’s so off putting. And he made it a poll. I’m happy to say over 400 people voted for “no, I like that strange creepy robot!” 37 people voted for “kill all humans, bite my shiny metal ass.” 19 votes for “yes, new robot voice, please.” Ten votes for “keep current robot, but make it say Chris Gethard again,” which it has never said. Eight votes for “get Morgan Freeman to do it.” Two votes for “that weird W.B. frog” and one vote for “klaatu barada nikto.” A thing I don’t know what that means. You guys, this week’s call, you’re… it’s… it’s tough. It’s such a tough one. But a really beautiful one, the caller is such a thoughtful person. He went through something that I think a lot of us would view as a nightmare. He was in an accident where somebody died, and we don’t often think of that. What happens when you’re on the periphery of that situation? What a hard thing to wrap your head around. He tells us all about it. He, he really opens up about the effects that it had, how he still thinks about it. And I never really sat and thought about a story like that from this exact perspective, and I think you might be really fascinated and really interested in the places where it goes. I thank the caller for opening up and I thank you for listening. Enjoy. 

[00:03:10]  PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you were on the show with the host Chris Gethard. [BEEP]

[00:03:18] CHRIS: Hello?

[00:03:20] CALLER: Hello, Chris?

[00:03:21] CHRIS: Hey, how’s it going?

[00:03:23] CALLER: Good, how are you? 

[00:03:24] CHRIS: Well, I’ll be honest, I’m getting over some kind of, like, one of those 24 hour flus. It rocked my ass for real. 

[00:03:34] CALLER: I feel that, it’s been going around. I know a few other people with that.

[00:03:38] CHRIS: Yeah, I felt bad…  Yeah, Wednesday night I got… I was walking around and all of a sudden I had, like, a real quick fever and chills and stuff. Then I was just laying on the couch all day and I felt bad because it was Valentine’s Day, but I still managed to rally and go on a date with the wife.  But I’m getting over it.

[00:04:00] CALLER: There you go.

[00:04:02] CHRIS: Yeah. How are you? How are you? How you feeling? You sound healthy. 

[00:04:06] CALLER: Yeah, I’m sipping my coffee and just got some lunch and saw your post and called right away. So. Yeah. Glad to get on. I’ve been listening to Beautiful Anonymous for a few years now, and it’s helped me through a lot of stuff. 

[00:04:22] CHRIS: Well, I’m happy to help. 

[00:04:26] CALLER: So, yeah, actually, the reason why I listen to Beautiful Anonymous was a few years back, about three years ago, I was in a pretty bad car accident that I didn’t really know how to handle. And listening to Beautiful Anonymous really helped me get out of my rut of anxiety and, you know, grief and kind of got me back into a place where I could kind of function day to day. I really appreciate the work that you do because it’s helped me greatly throughout my life. 

[00:05:07] CHRIS: Well, that’s… that’s amazing to hear that the show helped, and I’m sure everybody who has called in and contributed to that feels the same way. It’s amazing. I’m really sorry to hear that you had that accident, though. 

[00:05:21] CALLER: Yeah, it was it was an interesting time in my life. It was one of those days where you kind of just get home and you’re just wondering, how am I still here? A guy hit me go and 90 miles an hour on a two lane road from behind on his motorcycle and did not make it, where… I did.  

[00:06:03] CHRIS: Woah, wow, so you… so this is what, like, a two lane road, is this is it rural? Is it suburban? What are we talking in here? 

[00:06:10] CALLER: So I’m from Long Island, so it’s suburban. This was back when I lived there, I live in Brooklyn now. And, yeah, it’s a two lane road and made the right onto it. I saw light, you know, a mile down the road. By the time I was making the left, he was right behind me. And the weirdest part about all of it is, you know, I stepped out of the car. I didn’t really… I didn’t really see the guys his face, you know, he was just on the ground and… you know, the next day I’m kind of just sitting in my house trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m alive, and a friend texted me and he goes, “Oh, did you hear what happened to so-and-so?” And my heart sinks because the kid was two years younger than me in the same high school. And we have a slew of mutual friends. I’m looking on my Instagram that day and I just see, you know, everyone posting saying and being like, “oh my God.” And so, like, people I know have tattoo’s… I was going to the gym in my town and I’d see people with like sweatshirts that they made for him, and there’s a lot of sensory things that wouldn’t let me really heal from it. In the time that had happened.

[00:07:37] CHRIS: Oh, wow. And he was someone that you said you had a bunch of mutual friends… Had you ever met? 

[00:07:44] CALLER: Yeah, that’s that’s the crazy thing. I didn’t know who he was. I knew his brother because he used to come in to the coffee shop I worked at, you know, every day. But I had no idea that he had a younger brother or who he was. I really started to discover how many people we both knew once it all happened. And. It’s… it’s weird to look at people you know grieving and not really be able to… I couldn’t come to anybody’s aid because his family was suing me. 

[00:08:22] CHRIS: Oh, wow. 

[00:08:23] CALLER: So I couldn’t say anything.

[00:08:25] CHRIS: Wow, that’s a whole mess. 

[00:08:28] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:08:30] CHRIS: Yeah, I mean, that’s an understatement. I can’t imagine so. So, yeah. Well, I mean, it’s I got to say, when you first said you were in a car accident, I figured that the show helped you with the physical recovery. But this was all… I don’t know if I was all, but it sounds like it was mostly sort of the mental and emotional recovery that was necessary. 

[00:08:52] CALLER: Yeah. It completely was. You know, I’ve dealt with, I dealt with anxiety throughout college. You know, I went on a round of medication and all that. I have been off medication for six, seven years now. I just found that it didn’t work for me. And I started, you know, the gym really is what brought me some peace of mind in that way. But once that happened… Since then I’ve tried therapy a few times and it just doesn’t connect for me in the way that really listening to you talk to other people and the things that they’re going through helped me kind of realize that things were going to be OK. 

[00:09:46] CHRIS: Well, I will say, that’s very nice. I do want to say that I’ve gone on record and said this show is no replacement for therapy and some people have said that and it does scare me. Although it sounds like you tried it and figured out that it wasn’t your thing, and that is the case for a lot of people. But I just want to say, for anybody out there listening who’s thinking of therapy and leaning on this show as a replacement, that’s not… it’s not a… it’s not a valid replacement. I do feel honor bound to point that out, that let’s… let’s before anybody jumps into that, let’s keep in mind that the caller did just say that it was something that you’ve tried and that you’ve and that you’ve done in that, that’s important too.

[00:10:29] CALLER: Yeah, all listeners, please still try. Still go. 

[00:10:31] CHRIS: Yes. I feel like that could be the model for this entire show. Please still try. Please still try. I think that’s it. I think, you know, it’s a lot of just regular people listening to other regulars people’s stories as an excuse to just find a way to keep trying. And yeah, you’ve done it. How long ago was this accident? 

[00:10:55] CALLER: We’re going on about three years now. 

[00:10:57] CHRIS: Wow, so not that long. And was it… and there might be stuff that you’re not allowed to comment on or that you don’t want to speak to. But you said he was going 90 miles an hour. Is it just a case of… because I’m from Jersey, very similar culture to Long Island… It is just kid got a motorcycle, wanted to see how fast you can go, he’s out screwing around one night, and it was it just went the went the tragic direction? Was it as simple as that? 

[00:11:21] CALLER: Pretty much. Thankfully for me, where it happened was outside of a strip of stores. So all of them had outward facing cameras that had the accident on video. And the detective said to me, they’re like, “hey, man. We watched the video. This guy’s had ticket after ticket after ticket. You’re you’re just the car it happened to.” Is really what they said to me. 

[00:11:49] CHRIS: Wow. And has asked that lawsuit, has that been resolved yet? 

[00:11:54] CALLER: Yeah, that’s resolved. I think it was just settled between the insurance companies and all that, you know, which I’m sure it was like they found something like I was 10 percent liable or something like that just for being in the car, as it goes. 

[00:12:12] CHRIS: Right. Right. And you said that, you know, as it happens when anyone passes away, let alone a young person, a lot of memorializing and celebrating of the person’s life and you’re in this very odd position of being involved in his death, was it public? Did people around your town know that you were the one involved? 

[00:12:34] CALLER: So I told, you know, some close friends, I called them the next day and stuff and was like, hey, it was me. It was my car. Some people actually figured it out from the town article that was posted because it has my age at the time and the car I drove. And it happened on a block that was close to my house. So a few people who knew me pretty well, you know, I saw them a few months after and they’re like, “Hey, I read that article. And those two facts are definitely you, you’re the only one I know who drives that car,” So. Good job. Good job, Sherlock Holmes, you cracked the case. You cracked my secret. 

[00:13:24] CHRIS: And was there any sense of people holding you to blame or did people recognize that it was, it was, a brutal thing for you to go through as well. 

[00:13:36] CALLER: So there was only one person that really was blaming me. And it was a girl that I was, you know, kind of on and off dating. We had just been talking with, you know, went on a few dates and stuff. And then that happened. And something I didn’t know until a month or so later after I kept talking to her, was that he was her best friend. She never really mentioned him before, at least that they were close, and one day I picked her up. We went out to lunch and dropped her back. And apparently they lived on the same block, and the guy’s mom went to her and was like, “what were you doing in that car with him? That’s who this accident was with.” And then she texted me being like, “did you know this? How could you still talk to me after this?” and I’m like, oh, good. More, more intertwining my life. 

[00:14:43] CHRIS: Wow, yeah, everything’s wrapped up in it. Now I’ve been in a few car accidents. I think I’ve been in 3. All minor. It’s… [caller interrupts] go for it. 

[00:15:00] CALLER: Do you hear the sound a lot? 

[00:15:02] CHRIS: That was what I was just going to say, is that it’s not like the movies because it’s all. Sound. It’s for me, at least, and you tell me if this was your experience. And obviously I can’t speak to everybody’s experience. It just feels like you’re… It feels like something’s going really wrong with your car is what I have found being in some minor accidents like there’s this rumbling and the steering is heading in directions you’re not doing and you just hear that, like, these weird sounds, that sound. You’re like, oh, my car doesn’t make that sound but it’s like, oh, no, that’s all coming from the outside. I was just gonna say the same thing that it was that you’re sensation of the the actual accident as well. 

[00:15:43] CALLER: Yeah, absolutely. I mean I have a fairly visual memory as it goes, too, which is super beneficial for this event in my life. But, yeah. I hear the engines and I hear kind of the scraping. That’s… that’s what really gets me. Like, if I hear a motorcycle engine outside my mind goes straight to it. 

[00:16:10] CHRIS: Yeah. And you know, I know you said you moved to Brooklyn. I can’t help but wonder… you’re now living in New York City, a place where you notoriously do not need to drive to get around… Was that part of the move? 

[00:16:23] CALLER: Yeah, I work downtown. So, you know, Brooklyn just kind of made sense as far as a commute. But I cannot tell you how much I love not driving now. When the accident happened, actually, one thing I made myself do was the next day I got… I couldn’t get into my car because it was totaled, but I got into my Dad’s car and I was like, I’m going for a drive. I’ll be back whenever.  Because I knew that, going through as much anxiety as I did in college and all of that, I remember having the thought looking at what was happening around me with the accident. Thinking, “is this going to break me?” And I went, “No. It’s not.” I was like, I’m not letting something like this take me down after, you know, for years through college, struggling with anxiety and all that. So the next day I was like. We’re gonna bite my lip and we’re going to drive, so I know that I’ll be OK. 

[00:17:40] CHRIS: It’s a circumstance that you don’t think about too often because you hear you hear stories about tragic stuff, or you hear stories about someone who caused an accident and caused someone to die and they have to live with that forever. But to be someone who is just sort of wrong place, wrong time and someone dies in the process… You don’t hear, you don’t think about that story too often, but it must happen every single day. That people are tangentially involved or bystanders or just there and a moving piece in this larger tragedy. You don’t think about the ripple effect of that. 

[00:18:21] CALLER: Yeah. I mean, it’s changed. It’s changed a lot of how I kind of just look at life and try to behave. You know, for the first year there, I kind of felt like, especially since this is someone who was in my school district and, you know, like… people I know knew him… I felt that I had to live for the both of us in a way, you know, like, because how the car accident happened. It was either one of us or both of us. And I just happened to, you know, pull off the left turn at the right time because he would have gone right through my driver’s side with a heavy Harley.

[00:19:12] CHRIS: Wow. So his… So you’re saying that he, and I don’t want to be too macabre, but because you’re presenting the image, he was going fast enough that his motorcycle is almost like a projectile that went through your car. 

[00:19:26] CALLER: Yeah, so, basically he hit me from behind and the motorcycle kind of skimmed the car and went under him and he went up and the motorcycle landed on, like, went through a fence onto someone’s lawn and got stopped by a tree. But if it didn’t hit that tree, I would have went into their house. 

[00:19:49] CHRIS: Oh, my God. Yeah, I’ll never go on a motorcycle.

[00:19:55] CALLER: I know, right? Like it was a day. Neither will I.

[00:20:00] CHRIS: Yeah. I had a cousin who died on one when I was in 7th grade. And. Yeah, I’ve just never been I’ve been able to on them and I don’t know, this is not an anti-motorcycle podcast it’s just. I just can’t. I can’t reconcile that image. I don’t like that, I don’t like that. So you said this whole experience has readjusted some of the ways that you think in general. Walk me through that. What are the things that have sort of transformed in your mindset? 

[00:20:33] CALLER: Well, so, when it happened, I was kind of in a limbo part of my life. I had just graduated college. I was still working at my college job. I had just gotten a new one that was kind of, you know, another part time thing where I could travel around the country and set up business conferences, pretty much, so that gave me a lot of, that was actually really helpful as well because I got to get out of my town for extended amounts of time and kind of travel around the country and just not be around things that could remind me of everything that happened. But, it really put a new perspective on… I just don’t… I don’t get angry anymore. You know, like, I mean, I do, as anyone would at things. But, you know, there’s nothing really that bothers me so much to the core where I’m like, I can’t even get out of bed today. It’s more of like I’m alive and at any moment I might not be. I could just be driving home for work. So. It’s kind of taking every day and just trying to, you know, reach goals or just make the most of things, you know. One of my goals was by twenty five to be out of the house and I achieved it. And having, you know, the thought of… I could easily have, you know, lost feeling in my legs from that accident was just kind of a little kick in the butt. 

[00:22:28] CHRIS: Yeah. How old are you now? 

[00:22:31] CALLER: Twenty five still. 

[00:22:32] CHRIS: Twenty five. So this happened when you were 22?

[00:22:35]  CALLER: Yeah. 

[00:22:38] CHRIS: Then that’s like, what, you just you just graduated college? 

[00:22:43] CALLER: Yeah, pretty much right there. I was graduated a little late, but yeah, it was pretty much right out within the last like six months or so before it happened. 

[00:22:53] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s a hell of a way to kick off your entry into the phase of life when you’re supposed to be finding your own footing.

[00:23:04] CALLER: Yeah. It’s interesting, too, because I found that I wasn’t even helping myself so much as I was helping my parents or my family, because they were all kind of… my dad the most. He said one thing that was really funny to me because he goes, “oh, I don’t drive that way that you had the accident.” Because pretty much where we all drive our cars to get onto the main road, and I was like, “Why? You’re driving an extra 10 minutes just to, you know, you’re ignoring it.” I would still drive that same way every day when I had to. I didn’t change. I didn’t want to change anything I did in my life based on the fact that that happen at least in a negative way. You know, like, I’m not going to avoid certain things because it happened because I felt once I started to adjust my life based on the events… then I’ve lost. 

[00:24:08] AD BREAK 

[00:27:02] CHRIS: Thanks so much to all of our advertisers. Now let’s get back to the phone call. 

[00:27:07] CALLER: I felt once I started to adjust my life based on the events… then I’ve lost. At least adjust my life negatively. 

[00:27:17] CHRIS: Right. Right. Wow. It’s weird

[00:27:26] CALLER: Yeah, I’m hitting you with the heavy stuff this Friday.

[00:27:30] CHRIS: Oh, that’s OK. I can handle heavy stuff. It’s a lot to think about. I also want to say too that, obviously, and it sounds like you probably have your own version of this, too. You know, we are pondering the way it’s affected your life and we are sort of exploring how it can really mentally take its toll on you, but it it also sounds like you do feel great sadness for the kid who died in his family and friends to. It doesn’t sound like… like I’m sure there’s the temptation for an Internet commenter to hear this and go, “why is this guy making it all about him?” And it sounds to me… I just wanted to like cut that off at the pass because it doesn’t sound… You’ve indicated through the time, too, that you’re like, “yeah, I know my whole town is grieving over this thing. I was involved.”  And that’s it’s… it’s… It’s just another, it’s just another aspect to this to wrap your head around. 

[00:28:31] CALLER: Yeah, because, you know, when it happened that was… all I could remember thinking was at least what I was thinking of… “Who, who is this person?” I just kept thinking, “I hope they don’t have kids. Like, please don’t let them have kids.” You know, it looked like an older guy. I was like, “please don’t make it that some kids just lost their dad.” It’s like, I don’t want that on my conscience.  And then I don’t know which one’s worse, comparatively. Yeah, I think about them all the time. 

[00:29:10] CHRIS: Yeah. Is it still three years later, do you… Is this something… Have you… Do you think about it every day still? 

[00:29:18] CALLER: It depends. Definitely every week. You know, I’ll have a struggle sleeping and stuff like that at times, just because he’s saying it in my head. Yeah. I think about it all the time. It’s hard when people complain to me sometimes about small things. And I’ve had this with my sister a lot because she knows what I’ve been through as a whole. And I love her. But she is kind of one of those turned Manhattanites, if you will. 

[00:30:00] CHRIS: OK, okay, so let’s pause and talk about this, because you and I just clicked hard. Let’s explain this for anyone listening ’cause you and I are both giggling at this shared culture. So, OK. OK, we’re gonna take a break. This is going to be just a little bit of a departure from the story that I definitely want to hear and a melancholic story, a sad story. But let me, as you just said, something very interesting. So when you grow up, you tell me if you agree or disagree, when you grow up in northern New Jersey, Staten Island or Long Island, there’s a very, very weird relationship with Manhattan. And there’s a very weird relationship with people who leave those places to go to Manhattan. That’s what you’re referring to. Because you were just dripping with a little bit of scorn when you said… what was the phrase you used? 

[00:30:56] CALLER: Turned Manhattanite.

[00:30:58] CHRIS: She’s a turned Manhattanite. The idea of being a turned Manhattanite is a little bit of a turnoff sometimes to the people from those those outlying regions surrounding Manhattan. 

[00:31:11] CALLER: Yeah. It’s like, it’s like suddenly they moved to the city and forgot that they grew up in a suburb. 

[00:31:16] CHRIS: Yeah. There’s a did you have this, too, growing up in Long Island? I know in North Jersey there is a little bit of a thing where if somebody’s dad worked in the city, that was a thing we could use to make fun of them. Like that was almost a thing we’d say to say like, “oh, you think you’re better than us because your dad works in the city?” And now I’m a grown up and I’m like why did I care about that? That just means that their dad was probably, like, working hard and doing pretty well for himself. Good for him. But that was a thing back in the day. Like, Oh, your dad works in the city. You think you’re better than us. There’s a weird thing with the city when you grow up where we grew up. 

[00:31:51] CALLER: Oh, for Long Island, since most people work in the city who live on Long Island, like we all use for Long Island Railroad. 

[00:32:00] CHRIS: Yeah. 

[00:32:31] CALLER: That lovely transit system that’s never delayed and never caused a problem. Usually the conversation would be, “oh, your dad works in the city, so he’s gonna be home, what, like 9:00 p.m.? So your house is open to, like, get drunk and smoke in?”

[00:32:18] CHRIS: Right. Long Island has that party culture. Long Island has a little bit more of that party culture. And here’s another question I’ll ask you about Long Island. I feel like everyone I know who grows up in Long Island has, like, a right of passage. It seems like a rite of passage when you grew up in Long Island is having a story about a time that you vomited on the Long Island Railroad. True or false? 

[00:32:40] CALLER: Oh, 100 percent. 

[00:32:43] CHRIS: [laughs]

[00:32:48] CALLER: I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you still at 25. The day I signed the lease to my apartment in Brooklyn, I went out in Queens with a friend. Just way too much. Just way too much partying for a day where the day after that, I actually had to do things. And I’m on the train home from Brooklyn and I’m looking at my roommate. We’re at Jamaica, and I’m like, “dude, I’m gonna do it.” He’s like, “no, you’re not.” I go, “yup.” I got off at Jamaica. We had ten minutes til the transfer. I went up to those like the JetBlue terminal bathroom and I just went for it. 

[00:33:28] CHRIS: Everybody! Everybody! I knew that one wouldn’t fail! Everyone I know who’s grown up in Long Island has vomited on the railroad and is weirdly proud of it. 

[00:33:38] CALLER: Oh, I’m definitely proud of it. 

[00:33:41] CHRIS: [laughing]

[00:33:41] CALLER: Yeah, absolutely. I have… I have no shame. 

[00:33:45] CHRIS: Oh, no, I got that cough laugh thing going. That post-sick cough, laugh thing where, okay. Okay.

[00:33:52]  CALLER: You’ll get all the mucus out with every laugh. 

[00:33:57] CHRIS: Yeah. I feel like the Long Island Railroad. You guys have a lot of pride in throwing up. New Jersey transit, we don’t we don’t have… it’s not like a cultural thing to have throwing up. I think we’re just proud to survive. I think, I think we’re just proud to hang on. Because here’s another thing, too. Here’s another thing, too, that you can speak to. Cause Long Island and Jersey. Why are we the ones that have to deal with Penn Station? 

[00:34:22] CALLER: Right?! 

[00:34:23] CHRIS: Grand Central is beautiful! I have a whole stand up bit about it. 

[00:34:29] CALLER: Oh, it’s so nice, and you go into Penn Station and you’re like, what is this dirt track with pigeons I’ve walked into? 

[00:34:36] CHRIS: Literally pigeons flying around inside! It’s like one of the… like when you watch those old movie, like when you watch Taxi Driver or, you know, those old New York movies that show what it used to be like even Big, weirdly, has those scenes at Times Square. Penn Station and Port Authority are really the only two places left in Manhattan I can think of where you’re like, this is 1970s, 1980s, New York. They just they didn’t… Giuliani ran out of money before he got to these, man. What’s going on? 

[00:35:08] CALLER: Yeah. He worked, he worked on getting all the homeless off the street around Penn Station, but instead just put them inside. 

[00:35:15] CHRIS: Right. That’s… that’s where as everybody’s always been, like the conspiracy theories of where he sent them. It’s largely Port Authority and Penn Station it seems. OK. That was our Long Island railroad tangent, our sidetrack. You know what I like about you since we’re talking about Long Island, because you mentioned you hit the gym a lot and you do have a faint… you have a Long Island accent a little bit. I’m sure that’s something you’ve heard.

[00:35:44] CALLER: Yeah, it comes out when I drink a lot more. 

[00:35:46] CHRIS: Yeah. I can hear because it’s very similar…The North Jersey accent has a cousin. When I get worked up or angry or excited sometimes the Jersey… I start going, “Ah, that’s ha-rrible, cawffee, dawg.” But there’s the stereotype of like the Long Island muscle head. And I like that you are a guy with a Long Island accent who hits the gym a ton. But it’s your therapy, that there’s people who might go “oh, this is some Long Island, bro.” And you’re like, no, this is how I can process my feelings after a recent trauma. Thank you very much. 

[00:36:18] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Because I actually have a few friends who, you know, like they don’t really know what I’ve been through or whatever and I’m like, yeah, I’m gonna the gym or whatever. And they try to like make for me like, “oh you’re going to the gym, you gonna lift, bro?! What you, uh, what you benchin’ today?”

[00:36:32] CHRIS: You’re like here’s what I’m benching. My feelings. Fuck off. That’s what I’m benching.

[00:36:42] CALLER: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I’m deadlifting to sadness. Not to gain.

[00:36:52] CHRIS: For every, for every ounce of muscle I gain, there is a piece of of misery that I find I am able to fend off for at least another day or so. 

[00:37:03] CALLER: Exactly. 

[00:37:05] CHRIS: Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. Exactly what it is. It is crazy, though. 

[00:37:06] CALLER: Thank you. Exactly what it is.

[00:37:09] CHRIS: It is crazy, though..

[00:37:09] CALLER:  I’m like thank you for…

[00:37:10] CHRIS: Go for it.

[00:37:13] CALLER: No, no. Continue. I was just gonna do a dumb bit. 

[00:37:15] CHRIS: Do the dumb bit! I love the dumb bit. You deserve a dumb bit.

[00:37:22] CALLER: I’m trying to do dumb bits. I want to get into standup. You’re… you’re someone who’s inspired me to do it. 

[00:37:27] CHRIS: All right. Well, if you’re looking to be less depressed, I don’t know if standup is the medium for you. Standup is the most fun and rewarding type of comedy, but definitely the most depressing as well. But if you, by all means, I’m not trying to discourage you from your dreams at all. Just understand that if you’re trying to avoid depression, late night open mics are not the… that’s all there is. It’s all there is. 

[00:37:55] CALLER: No, I… kind of just… I just want to see if I can make people laugh. 

[00:37:58] CHRIS: Yeah. 

[00:37:59] CALLER: You know… that’s kind of where I’m at. I don’t even care if I, you know, fail super hard or anything like that. I just want to be able to say I went for it. 

[00:38:10] CHRIS: Well, that’s very commendable to go for. And I think one of the things that’s really true about stand up for me, and that it sounds like maybe where your head’s at would be very rewarding for you, is one of the things I love the most is that when you get up on stage and you actually get that laugh. A lot of times you feel like that laugh is someone understanding you, and it is a pretty fantastic way to process some ways that you feel kind of twisted up or broken. And I think that’s probably… I think like all artists probably have some relationship with their medium like that. But I know that when you get up there and you say a thing that’s dark and someone actually laughs at it, you’re like, “oh, thank God. I’m not the only one that’s thought this horrific thought. All right, someone gets it. Okay”

[00:39:00] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah, that’s… that’s kind of exactly what I’m going for with it. You know, amongst the car accident, I’ve just been in other ridiculous but funny situations, that I’ve kind of put myself in. But the bad way that I’ve also dealt with this car accident is probably, you know, swiping on dating apps a little too much. And it’s put me, it’s put me in really weird situations. Like one time I tried to meet a girl on a date and it ended up being like a Flavor for Love date contest that ensued. 

[00:39:51] CHRIS: Wait, what, I missed that reference… was Flavor for Love? 

[00:39:55] CALLER: So that is a old… there’s definitely a few listeners right now who are like, “I love that show!”

[00:40:01] CHRIS: Oh, wait, the Flavor Flav? With Flavor Flav?

[00:40:05] CALLER: Yeah, that show.

[00:40:07] CHRIS: Flavor of Love. That show was a… that was like a dating show that was a… that was like a dating show that had drank 19 Red Bulls. It was just insane. How did you went up on a date that was reminiscent of Flavor of Love, the oft forgotten hip hop driven dating show of a decade plus ago? 

[00:40:31] CALLER: Yeah. Right next to other Bret Michaels one that they had. 

[00:40:35] CHRIS: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then they had the spin off one with New York from the Flavor of Love. 

[00:40:41] CALLER: Oh my God, I forgot they had that one. 

[00:40:44] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. VH1 had that good era of truly deplorable television that I loved. 

[00:40:52] CALLER: Oh, it’s incredible. I love watching just… train wreck television. 

[00:40:56] CHRIS: Me and you both.

[00:40:58] CALLER: It brings a lot of joy to my life. 

[00:41:00] CHRIS: Me and you both. So walk me through this date. 

[00:41:03] CALLER: All right, so this one was so weird. I matched with a girl in June. You know, we texted, like, a little bit. She gave me her number pretty quick. And then she was like, “oh, I’m going to be so busy the rest of the summer. Can I text you, like, late summer and we’ll meet up and and do something,” I’m like, alright, whatever. It’s a dating app. Forget you. I’ll talk to whoever else. Fast forward to August. I got a text from her and she’s like, “hey, so and so I don’t know if you remember me. I’m actually around Sunday. I just want to see my friends, like, my friend is doing some deejay set in Union Square. I just want to say hi and then we’ll go grab a drink,” so I’m like, you know what? Sure. I’ve got nothing to do this Sunday. I’ll come meet ya. So I go to Union Square, a guys doing a deejay set, that looks pretty normal for a man doing a set in the middle of Union Square. I texted her. She hasn’t texted me back. Fifteen minutes after she told me we’d meet up. I’m looking around and I’m like… there’s a lot of guys here. A weird number of men are here.

[00:42:28] CHRIS: I heard about this. I heard about this. You were involved in that?

[00:42:33] CALLER: So. This might out me, but it’s fine.

[00:42:39] CHRIS: This thing made the news right, right?

[00:42:42] CALLER: It was my Instagram post that hopped on all the News Channel. 

[00:42:48] CHRIS: Now, let me see if I remember right. You’re talking about… and as you were saying, I was like… did we have a caller who talked about this before, but this was in the news. It was a… a woman matched with tons of people and then kind of made them all show up and compete for her hand, right?

[00:43:08] CALLER: Mmhm. Exactly.

[00:43:16] CHRIS: Woah! 

[00:43:14] CALLER: Chris, it was wild. 

[00:43:16] CHRIS: Did you walk… so did a lot of people just, like, turn around and walk away when they realized what that was or did people get into it? 

[00:43:23] CALLER: There were a few people who actually got into it, like, the weirdest part was that she got on stage and we had all kind of figured out that we were all there for her because we started talking to each other, like, in the crowd, because some guy was like, “are you trying to meet so-and-so?” I’m like, aaaah no. You too? Like did she just try to get us here for this guys D.J. set so he had a crowd? And, you know, that’s my logical assumption. You know, that she just duped us for a friend… and then she gets on stage and we’re like, “oh, what do you have to say for yourself?” She goes on about how it’s like a whole dating competition. And the first few things she said to, you know, take everybody out and slim the pack, she goes, “you can’t be a tourist. No khakis. You must be over 5’8″. And your name can’t be Jimmy.” Those were the four criteria at first! So I’m just sitting there going,  “what are you? Like, who do you think you are?” 

[00:44:34] CHRIS: So did you compete…

[00:44:36] CALLER: It’s just like a random insta model who tried to do this! No. As soon as soon as I realized what was happening, I actually faced time a friend and I was like, “remember how I told you I was on a date? Well, look at this amazing nonsense that’s turned into.” And then I started recording the actual video and, yeah, it got picked up by the news. 

[00:44:56] CHRIS: Wow. Wow. That’s the dating apps, are… they’re de-humanizing, huh? They can be. They can be really nice and introduce you to people who you got a lot in common with. Some people have met their significant others long term. Their spouses. But even like that is someone actually tried to suck you into an involuntary… they used it as like an involuntary alternate reality game experience. And even before that you were like… “Oh, she can’t meet till August, alright, yeah, whatever. I’ll forget you by then.” Those dating apps can really twist your perspective on dating in general, huh? 

[00:45:37] CHRIS: Want to be clear, I’m not trying to slam dating apps, I just think they’re an interesting sociological phenomenon that will be studied in the future. But hey, they can help fill voids in some people’s lives, you know? You know what else fills voids, products and services that check all the boxes for things you don’t currently have in your life. Listen to these ads, use the promo codes. We’ll be right back.

[00:45:59] AD BREAK 

[00:47:29] CHRIS: Those dating apps can really twists your perspective on dating in general, huh? 

[00:47:35] CALLER: Oh, absolutely, yeah. I’ve been on… I’ve had numerous experiences with it and, you know, I’ve had some really great ones, like I have a friend who was an au pair on Long Island and we met up. We just became friends. And, like, she is from Germany, lives in Germany now. And, you know, we became such good friends that she would come out, like, with all my friends, you know, a house out east on Long Island that we rented for a weekend or something like that. When she’s come back to visit the states, she stayed at my parents house with me. Like, I’ve gained really incredible relationships from it. But then also in the same hand, someone tried to put me on a weird dating competition. So, I’m breaking even with the dating apps. 

[00:48:29] CHRIS: [laughing] Right, you’ve made international friends that you never would have met without them. Also, someone once tried to suck you into a Black Mirror episode against your will. Right. Right. 

[00:48:36] CALLER: Yeah. You know. So, pretty much.

[00:48:43] CHRIS: Yeah. That’s a wash. 

[00:48:44] CALLER: It’s an average level of “dating apps are fine.”

[00:48:47] CHRIS: Right. Right. Now you said you were hiding out and then you said that that became maybe a little bit. You indicated, I don’t know if I’m putting words in your mouth, you said it maybe became a little bit of a vise as you dealt with your grief post the accident. 

[00:49:00] CALLER: Yeah, that’s, it’s hard to admit, but it’s accurate. You know, it’s a lot easier to distract yourself when, you know, you’re constantly messaging. You know, like, four people or something like that throughout the day. And it’s really easy to just use it as a distraction. 

[00:49:22] CHRIS: Right. And I would also imagine, too, it lends itself towards, oh, you can have conversations with people. And even hang out with people, and when it gets up to the point where they actually say, how are you doing or what’s your deal… You can get out of there because it’s meant for casual conversation at first. 

[00:49:46] CALLER: Right. 

[00:49:46] CHRIS: So it gives you a chance to flee. 

[00:49:48] CALLER: You don’t leave feel as connected to the person initially. Which is it… I mean, it’s good in the sense that, you know, it was a good distraction. Right. But on a personal level, it doesn’t really… it doesn’t fulfill anything that you want it to. 

[00:50:06] CHRIS: Right. And then I’m sure there… You also sound like a generally good guy, so I’m sure there’s also that side of it that’s like, ah, this also isn’t fair to the people… There might be people here who are ready to actually dive into something. And I know in my guts that I’m not. So it’s not totally fair. But then there’s also people looking for cheap hookups and that’s cool, too.

[00:50:31] CALLER: Yeah, I’ve gone that road as well. 

[00:50:32] CHRIS: But even then sometimes with that, then you get the adrenaline rush of that and you’re like, oh, that didn’t solve my problems. And then you you’re like, oh, that was sad, empty, hollow sex in a way that wasn’t fun because I’m still sad. Oh, no. 

[00:50:49] CALLER: Right. Yeah, it’s like, oh, no. I still don’t feel connected to a person, even though I did the most connecting thing you can with a person. 

[00:50:59] CHRIS: Right. Which actually if you’re like, oh, no, I didn’t get that lack of connection through an act that’s supposed to be a physical demonstration of connection. I somehow feel less connected to humanity than I did before. Oh, no.

[00:51:14] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:51:15] CHRIS: And that’s the problem with anything that seems like a quick fix to your problems, right? So that’s a lot of different avenues people can go down for the quick fix, but once the quick fix is over… It’s called quick for a reason. And then, and then afterwards you left holding the bag and sometimes that can make you feel even more lonely, more isolated. 

[00:51:32] CALLER: Yeah. I mean, one of the things the accident did for me… You know, I’ve always been… I started drinking pretty early as a New York City suburbs go. You know, I was drinking since I was 13. 

[00:51:46] CHRIS: Yeah, you know, you’re from Long Island…

[00:51:49] CALLER: You know, just get a  couple of beers and go into the woods. 

[00:51:51] CHRIS: Yeah. I was just going to say, you’re from Long Island. You know, you were drinking in the woods from a very young age. Yes. That’s just part of being from Long Island. Yes. 

[00:51:58] CALLER: Yep, we drink in the woods. Yeah, we find the spot that the police can’t find us and we make a bonfire.

[00:52:06] CHRIS: Yes, I feel like… tell me again if I’m being too stereotypical. I feel like a lot of people grow up and it’s like, oh, a game you might play stickball or manhunt… and Long Island, one of the games you play up is… Growing up, his fleeing from the police. That’s just a game in Long Island as a teenager is flee from the cops. 

[00:52:25] CALLER: Yep. Run as fast as possible. Yeah. 

[00:52:30] CHRIS Yeah, yeah. Run. Run through the woods, hop a fence, run across an entire golf course, hop another fence and then figure out how to get home from an area where you don’t know where you are. That’s just like a fun weekend game in Long Island. We have our versions of that in Jersey, too.

[00:52:47] CALLER: That version on Long Island, the last part of it is: Where am I? Is there the Long Island Railroad near me? How long do I have to walk next to the tracks to get home? 

[00:52:57] CHRIS: Right. Or like. Or the real fun. One of like a one of my friends had a car. Now, I have to just sit here in the bushes at the edge of the road and pray that they’re circling, looking for me and haven’t totally abandoned me. And then it becomes that game of can I hopped to their car and time it out between the cop car circles as well. 

[00:53:21] CALLER: Yep. Absolutely.

[00:53:23] CHRIS: Yeah. Jersey people and Long Island people are… we don’t like to admit it, but we’re sort of… we’re sort of cousins. We’re sort of culturally cousins. 

[00:53:33] CALLER: Oh, definitely. And it ended and it also hurt me to even say that. 

[00:53:38] CHRIS: Say what? That you have common with people from New Jersey. 

[00:53:43] CALLER: [laughing] Exactly.

[00:53:44] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, hey, look. None of us like looking in the mirror. And every once in a while, a Jersey person looks in the mirror and what they see staring back at them is a Long Islander and vise versa. And it’s a hard reckoning, but it’s one that we all come to grips with. Here’s another thing I’ll say. And I’m going to piss a lot of people off with this. There’s a lot of stereotypes about both New Jersey and Long Island that I would argue are… are Staten Island. [laughing]

[00:54:12] CALLER: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. 

[00:54:17] CHRIS: Staten Islanders live some of the stereotypes way harder than we do. 

[00:54:20] CALLER: Yeah, I… I almost feel that Staten Islanders almost feel, like, a sense of ownership to it where we’re like, no, no, it’s not… It’s not all of us. 

[00:54:30] CHRIS: Right. There’s more acceptance.

[00:54:33] CALLER: No, no, no, this is Staten Island. This is how we are. 

[00:54:36] CHRIS: Yeah, you’re right. I envy Staten Island for that. There’s an acceptance and a celebration of ridiculousness on Staten Island, whereas Long Island and Jersey have some shame. 

[00:54:46] CALLER: Yeah. I think that’s the byproduct of having Irish and Italian communities being very strong here on Long Island. 

[00:54:58] CHRIS: Yeah. All the shame. All the shame! Tons of shame. Yeah, an endless amount of shame. 

[00:55:06] CALLER: My parents aren’t even religious. And I have a few tattoos and I… out of respect, you know, two weeks before I got my first one was almost eighteen I sat them down, I’m like, hey, I’m gonna do this. I know you hate them, but I want it. And need this. And they went through a slew of arguments. And the best one my dad said to me, word for word, was he goes, “you know what bothers me the most? That I won’t see my son in heaven.” [laughing] I just felt like such guilt and shame in that moment. I didn’t even have the tattoo. I just had an idea. He made me feel shame for an idea like this is the craziest thing. 

[00:55:53] CHRIS: Wow. He went to heaven that quick. That usually takes a while. 

[00:55:58] CALLER: I know. I was like, come on, man. Why? Why are you gonna do that? I would like to be in the pearly gates with you as well, but I just want R2-D2 on my calf. 

[00:56:10] CHRIS: That was the tattoo you fought so hard for?! That was the one that you got in the fight for that your dad said excluding you from heaven, was R2-D2 on your calf? 

[00:56:19] CALLER: Yup. That’s my first tattoo. 

[00:56:21] CHRIS: Now, was it just R2D2 or was he doing something? 

[00:56:24] CALLER: Which is weird, he showed me Star Wars! Nope, it’s just R2. He’s just hanging out. 

[00:56:29] CHRISL Because I was gonna say this will gague your level of Long Island stereotype. Like if it’s… if it’s like R2D2, like shootin’ a tall boy out of one of his compartments, then it crosses over to where you are. A true Long Island bro. In a stereotypical way.

[00:56:48] CALLER: Oh, god, yeah. With a tallboy and natty ice just to match the colors. 

[00:56:53] CHRIS: Yeah, exactly. Or if it’s, like, R2D2 chillin’ at Jones Beach. Then we got some stuff to talk about. 

[00:57:01] CALLER: Oh yeah. If I ever get the pencil at Jones Beach tattooed on me. Someone… someone who is listening that I know right now… Stop me. Yeah. Stop me and just throw me in the water. 

[00:57:13] CHRIS: Now, listen, we got ten minutes left and you laid out a lot of stuff.

[00:57:17] CALLER: Ooh, this flew by! 

[00:57:18] CHRIS: Yeah, it did. Will you.. listen.. you laid out a lot of stuff. You let us know where your head’s been at for the past three years dealing with the aftermath of this accident. We got, to we strayed away from that a little bit, I want to I do just want to say that I’d love to hear, like, where are you at right now? Where do you anticipate the future going? Do you think you’ve turned any sort of corner? And what does that mean? 

[00:57:43] CALLER: Yeah, I think I have turned the corner, you know, moving. I never really lived on my own through college. I stayed at home just because it was easier money wise. So this is my first real experience being out of the house and all my own and it’s weird because my goal for so long was just, you know, live on my own, be able to be on my own and be OK with that. And now that I’ve achieved that goal, I’ve kind of just been wondering. Now what? And I think I’m getting to a point where I’m going to push myself more out there. Because I’ve moved to Brooklyn, but I don’t feel like I’ve really ingrained myself into the community as well as I could, and as much as I know it’s there. 

[00:58:42] CHRIS: Yeah, and that’s… I have to say, cause Brooklyn is a brand now, right. Brooklyn is a little bit of its own stereotype. We’ve been laughing about some of the New York area, Jersey and Long Island stuff. But I will say that, all the jokes about it aside, it still has many elements. Like you said,  of like real strong community. And there’s you can go out every night in Brooklyn and see something cool, do something cool, be amongst people who are really motivated and looking to be a part of cool stuff. And. If you’re there anyway, I can see why that’s a priority to start figuring out ways to participate in that. 

[00:59:22] CALLER: Yeah, I actually I saw you at your book signing show. 

[00:59:27] CHRIS: Oh, at The Bell House.

[00:59:31] CALLER: Yeah, the Bell House. That was a great… that was an incredible show, by the way. 

[00:59:34] CHRIS: Thanks.

[00:59:35] CALLER: And I think seeing that. And how you.. you didn’t just have stand up comics. You know, you had that juggler guy who was a weirdly dry, but also somehow hilarious. 

[00:59:49] CHRIS: Yeah. Marcus Monroe. He… and that act, he’s doing a new act with plate spinning that blew my mind. 

[00:59:57] CALLER: Oh, it was so good. It was really impressive.

[00:59:59] CHRIS: You will appreciate this. So I don’t want to take too long with this. But my friend Marcus. He’s a juggler by trade, but he is very funny. And he does, there’s a lot of crossover. He does a lot of comedy stuff. And I was like, you know, he’s kind of an outlier. Maybe I’ll have him kick off the show before we get to the traditional comedy. He’ll bring that burst of energy. And he wound up doing this act that was mind-blowing. And then one of my best friends is named Carmen Christopher. He opens for me on the road a lot, comes out and does that 15 to 20 minute slot. And he went out right afterwards. And he to this day is like, I still am looking for ways to get you back because you made me follow that fucking juggler who did the most amazing thing anyone’s ever seen. And then I got to go out and tell jokes. He’s still so mad at me. 

[01:00:47] CALLER: I remember seeing him like visibly bothered.

[01:00:51] CHRIS: Because we had all witnessed something and then we’re like, oh, it’s one of those beautiful nights that you can, like we were saying, you can have it in Brooklyn where on some random weeknight, you’re like, oh, I just saw art at a level that most people don’t ever get to see, and I saw it in person and I wasn’t even expecting it, and it cost like, that show cost like 10 bucks or something, like, yeah, it’s amazing. And then he got to walk out there and be like, “and here’s my one liners…” [laughing]

[01:01:17] CALLER: He’s just like “this is my ten minutes I have, is it good?”

[01:01:21] CHRIS: Yeah, but he did great too. He did great! He always kills. He always finds the room. Okay. So you were saying I interrupted.

[01:01:28] CALLER: Yeah, everyone did really well. Oh no, no I… I love hearing the side of that night.

[01:01:35] CHRIS: Oh my god. It was really fun. It was really fun. Now Carman! And now Carmen, following the most amazing 10 minutes of your entire year. We also got this guy, Carmen, give it up. Smattering of applause. So fun. 

[01:01:55] CALLER: He doesn’t even have a guitar. He’s just got him.

[01:01:57] CHRIS: Yeah, and now out here by himself. He’s got a nice jacket on… is that gonna? Anybody? Anybody. Hello? Hello. This thing on? But it went well, yeah. We got about five minutes left, my friend. 

[01:02:16] CALLER: About five minutes. Oh, man. 

[01:02:18] CHRIS: What do we need to cover? What are the bullet points we haven’t touched upon yet? 

[01:02:22] CALLER: I mean, we’re both pretty nerdy as far as it goes. I love me some marvel. I got an Infinity Gauntlet tattooed as well. 

[01:02:29] CHRIS: Really? Star Wars and Infinity Gauntlet? Do you have any pro wrestling tattoos? Because then you’ll have my holy trinity that will get you into heaven. 

[01:02:38] CALLER: No, I’ve missed the holy trinity. I know. I wasn’t allowed to watch WWE growing up because it was too violent.

[01:02:47] CHRIS: Same here. And I snuck it.

[01:02:50] CALLER: Oh, you lucky son of a… I was always so sad going to school and them being like, “Yo, did you see that?!” and being like “No. I watched. I watched Emeril live. That was good.”

[01:03:06] CHRIS: Got to get an Emeril tattoo.

[01:03:06] CALLER: That’s all we were allowed to watch was cooking shows.

[01:03:10] CHRIS: Emeril Tattoo.  

[01:03:11] CALLER: I know. If I was gonna get a cooking show tattoo, it would absolutely be Julia Child. 

[01:03:17] CHRIS: You’ve thought about this before? 

[01:03:19] CALLER: Uh huh, yeah, absolutely. 

[01:03:22] CHRIS: Pretty good.

[01:03:25] CALLER: Yep. Just… just a nice portrait of Julia.

[01:03:29] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. Can’t go wrong there.

[01:03:38] CALLER: No. Oh, one thing I have wanted to ask you with a quick time left. Where? Where do I even go in Brooklyn to kind of dip my feet into stand, up if you’re comfortable saying names of places? You don’t have to. I know they’re, like, somewhat secret.

[01:03:54] CHRIS: Into doing? Oh, no, I mean, just, they’re constantly changing more than they’re secret. You mean as far as doing stand up for the first time or watching stand up?

[01:04:06] CALLER: Doing.

[01:04:11] CHRIS: You know, there’s… A lot of open mics. There’s one place that I think… give me one second… Sorry. [cough] Still getting over that flu thing. There’s one place in Long Island City that, which is Queens, but right at the end of the G line, called the Creek in the Cave. And I think that’s a traditional spot. Rebecca, who runs that place, has done a great job for years and she runs a ton of mics out of her space. That’s a traditional spot that a lot of people go and dip their toes for the first time. And then. As far as the mics in Brooklyn go, there’s a few websites you can find that sort of list directories of the open mics as they happen. You just gotta be careful because a lot of times those mics will stop happening or die out and they just still wind up sitting on those calendars. So you might want to just call those places before hand in and make sure they’re still happening. But, you know, they’re in the neighborhoods you would expect. They’re in Bushwick, in Greenpoint and still Williamsburg a little bit… And then also a lot in South Brooklyn, down especially Gowanus, is kind of a place where, you know, there’s a bunch of stuff like that. 

[01:05:24] CALLER: Yeah, I live pretty close to Union Hall and I keep seeing that get bigger and bigger. 

[01:05:29] CHRIS: Yeah. Union Hall doing some great stuff. I’ve been doing shows there for years and Union Hall and Littlefield and Bell House. Those are great places to watch stand up. As far as the open mics… I’m not sure. I’m not sure exactly what’s alive right now just because it’s been a little while since I’ve been coming through that scene. But there’s tons out there. I’m trying to think there used to be a site that I don’t want to say the name because I’m checking right now actually on a computer to see, yeah, that one’s, I think. Is it still going on? It’s called Badslava. That was one that used to list. They list tons in the open mics all over the place. But I think that… I think that they tend to leave up a lot that are not happen anymore. I’m even seeing if that… Oh, yeah, I mean, they still have… I just clicked on Badslava and they have all the mics that are happening today. Badslava is the one that I think a lot of people have used historically over the years. Badslava.com, that’s where you find your open mics. 

[01:06:31] CALLER: All right. there we go.

[01:06:33] CHRIS: Yeah, I think there’s another one, too. Hold on. Now, I’m just Googling for you. Could have just Googled this yourself, man. This is the most anti-climactic ending!! Oh, my god. 

[01:06:43] CALLER: I was Googling this morning! I was Googling this morning, I was going to DM you, Chris. It was the whole thing that I had a problem with. I was like, do DM this man who does not know me looking for a stand up advice? Then I was like, no, don’t bother him. He’s got too much to do.

[01:06:56] CHRIS: Good instinct. Good instinct on that one. 

[01:07:00] CALLER: I was like, “it is ridiculous for me to ask this of him.” And now that I’m talking to you today, I’m like, I’m taking my opportunity. This is the only time I get to do this.

[01:07:12] CHRIS: There is a bunch of good open mics. But the one thing I’ll say a few seconds left. Don’t do the pay for play ones. Don’t do the ones where they make you pay to do it. There’s enough free ones out there. 

[01:07:21] CALLER: Perfect. 

[01:07:22] CHRIS: All right, that was the most insular ending in the history of the show. Just me Googling New York open mics for you. I think everyone turned this off 45 seconds ago, but that’s OK. It was nice talking to you. 

[01:07:35] [RINGING]

[01:07:38] CHRIS: Bad ending. I was just coughing the whole time. Let me see if this website still exists. Caller, enjoy your open mics and just Google it yourself next time. I just Googled it. That’s all I did. But thank you so much for your call. Very genuinely. I hope it goes well and you up those mics. Hope it’s not too depressing as it sometimes can be. And most of I hope you keep on moving forward and making progress in figuring out how to reconcile that dark, dark incident from a few years back as we move forward. And that’s a commendable goal and I wish you the best with it. Thank you, Jared O’Connell and Harry Nelson in the booth. Thank you to Justin Linville. Thank you Shellshag for the music. I got a lot of dates on the road out there doing stand up. Chris Geth dot com. You’ll see the cities, get those ticket links. If you like the show, go to Apple podcast rate, review, subscribe. It really helps when you do. See you next time on Beautiful Anonymous. 

[01:08:35] THEME MUSIC: Catch me, face to face.

[01:08:49] CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous. You know, there’s a lot of jokes about how dads want to keep their daughters out of the strip club. What do you do if your dad owns one? 

[01:08:59] CALLER: So where I’m from, the strip clubs tend to be a little bit more… I’m trying to find a way to put this sensitively. [laughs] They tend to be a little bit more party-esque than, like I know a strip club in general tend to be like a party scene, but this one in particular is really over the top. 

[01:09:22] CHRIS: OK. We’re dancing around something here. That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.