EP. 114 — Charity Laundry

[00:01:49] Chris: Hello to all my fans of late 80s, early 90s NBA sharpshooter Mark Price.  This is Beautiful Anonymous one hour, one phone call. No names, no holds barred.

[00:02:03] THEME MUSIC : I’d rather go one on one, I think it would be more fun, I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

[00:02:15] Chris: Hello, everybody, it’s Chris Gethard. Very, happy and lucky. An honor and privilege to say hello and welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous. Can I tell who was on the subway today? On the subway, on the way here? Just looking up and down the car. And there’s always people in there. New Yorkers I’m thinking to myself, man, every one of these people has something to say that nobody else will listen to. I’m on my way to go do a thing where someone like this gets to tell me a thing and my whole job is to just, listen, what a good job. Then I stop staring because New Yorkers punch you in the face if you make eye contact with them on the subway. Anyway, thank you guys so much. It’s Tuesday. Hey, thanks to everybody who supported the Chris Gethard Show. You guys have heard me rambling about it. Thanks to everybody who supported it. Tonight is actually the season finale. Last one, might be the last one ever. I have no idea. I have not received any news yet. I just wanna say thanks to everybody who has checked it out. I know it’s not for everybody. And checking it out means a lot to me. Another gig that I’ve been lucky to do. Thanks so much. No rest for the weary by the way. TV show ends this week. I’m in Bloomington, Indiana, on June 2nd. Chicago, Illinois, June 3rd. Right out on the road. Maybe I’ll meet some you guys out there. ChrisGeth.com. You want tickets to those shows? Bloomington, Indiana, limestone festival Chicago, Illinois, A.V. Club Festival. It’s gonna be a fun time. Maybe I’ll see you out there. Last week’s episode Irish Wake, someone talking about the death of a grandparent. We were just sort of like grieving together, chatting together. And then we heard a follow up from the caller right at the end. This episode was really, I’ll tell you, it meant a lot to people. A lot of people are saying they have lost people recently. And that that kind of echoed some of theirs. Caller, I think you allowed that episode to be released, actually maybe connected with some people who were going through similar stuff. It’s always a cool feeling. Here’s a comment that made me laugh. Told the story about my own grandpa on the last weekend. A name I apologize. I’m almost definitely going to mispronounce this. But thank you for posting Sarforaz said “I have to admit, I did think about setting my overgrown side yard on fire in my thirties. I refrained from doing it because I wouldn’t know how to explain it to the neighbors.” That one made me giggle. Thanks for posting that in the Beautiful Anonymous community on Facebook. Now up to close to twenty eight thousand members, join today and get over the hump on 30000 become an even more powerful, unstoppable online private Facebook group full of nice people who like to discuss things with civility. That’s who we are over there. This week’s episode just recorded this one a few days ago. Interesting one, we talked to a guy who is a nice guy who’s had some tough times. He had a childhood where he saw a lot, put up with a lot, had to deal with a lot. And also a lot of people in his family maybe are still dealing with it, some of the people closest to him. He’s watching them deal with a lot. And what’s he doing? He’s trying to do his part to maybe reshape the world into what he wishes it could have been for him growing up. That’s one of the things I’ve always noticed, is whenever I’ve been through my hard times, I know I’m coming out of them going, I’m going out to try to do something to maybe help out the other people who feel this way feel these aren’t the times. And I think this caller’s right in that moment in his life. Hard times are a fact. What do I do to try to make things easier for the world around me? Pretty inspiring stuff. I like it. I think you’ll like it, too. Enjoy.

[00:05:48] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling, Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

[00:05:55] CHRIS: Hello.

[00:05:57] CALLER: Hello. Hi, is this Chris.

[00:05:58 ] CHRIS: Yeah, it’s Chris

[00:06:00] CALLER: Hey, man, how’s it going?

[00:06:02 ] CHRIS: How’s it going? I’d tell you, it’s going pretty well.  We’re taping this at the Chris Gethard show office. Harry Jarred came down here, helped save me some time since I got two full time jobs right now and I had a lot of trouble setting up the rig. We were getting a radio station in there and our ears and it was stressing us all out. But I think we’ve all worked it out. You don’t hear like you don’t hear like a bunch of P.C. Richards ads in the background, do you?

[00:06:29] CALLER: No, not at all.

[00:06:32] CHRIS: Oh, that’s good.

[00:06:34] CALLER: No, you’re good. I saw the photo. I really thought that was a pretty innovative mic set up there with the peanut cam. I was pretty impressed by that.

[00:06:40] CHRIS: While they’re cashews to be accurate. But yes, the microphone that I’m talking to you with is on my desk in my office, which is a mess and it’s balanced on two cans of cashews. That’s the mic setup.

[00:06:52] CALLER: Oh, you’re right, my bad. I don’t want to offend the mixed nuts community. But, you know, identifying the wrong brand of nuts there.

[00:06:59] CHRIS: Well, we all know that the nut enthusiast community comes really hard at people for inaccuracy.

[00:07:06] CALLER: Yeah they’re hard. They’re hard core. They’re not they’re not fucking around. It’s like Mr. Peanut. And like that’s their guy, like.

[00:07:12] CHRIS: Yeah. Now, how are you doing?

[00:07:17] CALLER: You know what, I’m good. I’m good. You know, I just basically like right now in a pretty crazy stage of life where getting ready to move away from essentially the place like the region I’ve lived my whole life to a brand new state, just like me and my wife and our dog kind of heading out on a new adventure because of some crazy life circumstances. I just felt it was a good time to do that and take the leap and take the risk. But, you know, that’s like right now. But, you know, I won’t dig into it all, like, just unload on you. But there’s just so much of, like, a crazy story that I have to even get to this point. But that’s kind of like the big thing. You know, right now, the last several months have just been, you know, getting ready to make that move. And, you know, saying goodbye to people can be really. I don’t know. I’m sure you’ve gone through, like, major life transitions as well. Can be really bittersweet in a lot of ways. So it’s kind of where we’re at right now, you know?

[00:08:17] CHRIS: Yeah. Now, when you say you don’t plan on unloading your crazy life story, I mean, do you actually mean you do?

[00:08:25] CALLER: Oh, yeah. I’m for sure going to do that. I just didn’t want to do it like now, oh, I thought, you know, I’ll have more of a conversation rather than me right off talking at you for like 15 minutes. So.

[00:08:34] CHRIS: Right. Oh God. You did not want to just launch into it. Also you can hear stunning sounds of New York City behind me. I apologize, everybody, for that po-po-five-oh, chasing somebody down through a construction site. It sounds like my bad on that. Anyway, everybody is just gonna get used to the sounds of New York City behind us on this one. So you’re moving through crazy life circumstances. What are the what are the what are the what are the points of entry? What are the bullet points that get us into this story?

[00:09:01] CALLER: Yeah. So I mean this feels in any way, it almost feels kind of weird to me to tell my story, to be honest, because I’ve been in a position like trying not to give away a lot about myself. I’ve been in a position where I’ve been I’ve been able to speak in public a lot and, you know, had been on like podcasts, on the radio, you know, just different like media coverage, you know, sharing my story because it’s tied a lot to the work that I do currently. So it always feels like I try to share it in a way when I share it. That feels new. And isn’t just me kind of like being a robot and giving you, like, the PR version of my life? You know, I mean, I’m sure you can obviously relate to that on some level when you’re just, you know, you’re someone that’s communicating a lot it can start to feel maybe repetitive or like you’re just going through the same beat, you know. So I try to you know, I want to tell it to you because I appreciate this show and the space so much in a way that, you know, I mean I’m so personally connected to it and when I’m sharing it. But basically, you know, to give the bullet points. So I grew up in a situation where my mom and dad just, you know, I don’t want to throw either of them under the bus, but they just didn’t have a great relationship, they just didn’t have a great relationship, a great marriage, to say the least. And that led to situations where I can remember vividly at the age of six staying in a domestic violence shelter with my mom. And, you know, my dad eventually, like, went to prison when I was ten or eleven for stealing from his company, like embezzling. You know, he had a job. My mom, I don’t think worked but like she did the few things on the side. But, you know, we’re always able to afford stuff. And I even remember thinking as a kid, like wondering how we were able to do that.  And it turns out, you know, because he was stealing and taking more than he was getting paid and, you know, so that led to me barely kind of seeing him over the next year. So when I was when I was a kid and then a couple months after he got out of prison, I remember one night pretty vividly that he and my mom just got into, like, the worst fight they’ve ever had. And he just, I remember him like going in the kitchen and just like banging on his head on this thing over and over, like trying to just harm himself and, you know, make a very long part of the story short, the next ten years of my life from like kind of being a middle school to college was, you know, that obviously affected me personally to where I got suspended a time in middle school. I actually kind of, well, it’s funny looking back now wasn’t funny then, but I almost got expelled for hitting a kid, the only kid in the school, mind you, that was geekier or nerdier  than I was. I got almost expelled for hitting him with a math book because he was annoying me. So that wasn’t a good situation. But, you know, just going through all that like it was rough. And then, you know, I only saw my dad a few times over the next ten years and, you know, our family struggled after that. We got like tons of stuff repossessed. Like, my mom, just single mom, me and my sister. So struggling to pay the bills every month. And, you know, that kind of all culminated when I was in college. There’s like a couple years where I got to reconnect with my dad. He connected with me actually, because he lived in another state with his parents when my mom was separated, well technically a restraining order. But, you know, we’ll call it separated. But he would get a hold of me on MySpace going old school there, and he would usually reach out to me on MySpace and we got to reconnect. But there was like this whole year in 2010, I want to say, where, you know, I’d been reconnecting with my dad. I had gotten to see him in person that summer of 2010. But then a couple months after that, he suddenly, like, passed away or getting the call and coming out of one of my college classes. I just kind of like slumped there on the floor, was crying. Had a bunch of professors and fellow students, whatever kind of helping me up and helping me out through that day is a processed that information about him passing away suddenly. And then a couple months after that, I would just, you know, through a couple of different circumstances. My mom and my sister ended up in a place where they didn’t have a home. So when I say homelessness, I don’t mean in the sense that most people think of it where we were, you know, out on the street. And you know whatever the picture is, you my people might have homelessness. But just in the real sense that a lot of people face homelessness where it can be very transient and you don’t have a place to stay or if you do, it’s not stable. And so somebody just paid for them to be in a motel for like a month until they found a new place, which, you know, thank God they eventually did. But again, they were kicked out of the place they’re living couldn’t go back to the, you know, old home that we had had. So, you know, I remember staying with friends over that winter break and sort of going through all that. And the nice little cherry on top, was the girl I was dating that summer ended up dumping me like in between those two things happening. So that was fun. But, you know, obviously paled in comparison to the rest of it. So, you know, fast forward like that was a big, like, rock bottom point in our family. And, you know, if it wasn’t for the people that were in my life at the time and now kind of a surrogate family and community, I had it. I know for a fact that wouldn’t be where, you know, be where I’m at today. So, you know, eventually things improved a little bit. But, you know, to be quite honest, you know, my family outside of just like me, my and my wife and, you know, her family has their own baggage. But, you know, mine is a lot different. You know, outside of us in our immediate family, that it’s still been a struggle to this day. So, I mean, those are some of the, like, big bullet points. But all that to say, I never thought I’d be in a position on this day where, A, I’d have any kind of success as a person whatsoever. One of the things I left out of there as I I spent I spent a solid weekend in a juvenile detention center when I was in middle school for, you know, kind of reenacting what I had seen my dad play out when I was young. And I got a major fight with my mom and sister and just went nuts. And, you know, cops came and got me and stayed a weekend so I could see a judge. And, you know, they let me go easy. But, you know, all that to say, like all these circumstances, life definitely turned to some different sort of. And where we can we can make a big move. We can take a new adventure.  And fact, I that even have the great life that I do. It’s just it’s crazy to me, you know?

[00:16:02] CHRIS: Wow, so you didn’t have a very fair shot, you know, a very firm foundation out there.

[00:16:13] CALLER: No, I guess not. But, you know, honestly, you know, I’ve been listening to the show for a while. You know, I’m one of those people that jumped on a train after this American life. I was like, who’s this? Who is this Chris Gethard guy? Like, what is this? And, you know, I’ve been a fan ever since. And, you know, all that to say, like, I’ve you know, I’ve heard I’ve heard a lot of stories. I’ve heard your story. And to me, like, I agree with you that, you know, maybe not a fair shot, but I think I don’t I actually know that I would be who I am or be where I’m at without any of it, as shitty as it all was. And I think that that can be said of a lot of people that the shit we go through like that can actually help us come out good on the other end. You know, and I understand for a lot of people that’s not how it works. But I guess in a weird way, I’m thankful for it.

[00:17:02] CHRIS: Yeah, I get that. I get that, when you fight and you feel like you managed to claw your way to the other side of something. It is funny with this podcast, I’ve been able to talk to so many people. And, you know, a lot of them do kind of have some dark stories. And I do I find that that’s universal in a weird way of that thing where you’re like, yeah, I wouldn’t I wouldn’t trade it, though. Like me, I wouldn’t I wouldn’t trade all the years that I kind of went nuts. Got real sad for no reason. I wouldn’t trade them. It turned me into who I am. But man, they are rough. I got a lot of questions for you, if that’s okay.

[00:17:43] CALLER: Yeah, absolutely.

[00:17:44] CHRIS: Some of them might be painful, but that’s how I do. You’ve been listening to the show for a while. You know that.

[00:17:49] CALLER:Yeah, I’m good. I’m good with that. That’s you know, that’s something that I love about it. Like, let’s get deep man, let’s go.

[00:17:53] CHRIS: OK. I’m just going to say I’m going to start with the hardest ones we can get out the way as far as is what I’ve heard. I’m sure there are more harder ones to come. But the whole situation with your dad, I mean, man, that sound that sounds like a really rough set of circumstances to see. Growing up sounds like he was, you know, really a character, to say the least. Here’s a question I have is when he leaves your life and then I’m sure you have so many feelings, you’ve seen him be violent. You understand that he committed crime. A lot of, I think your pain you probably can attribute to that. It sounds like. So now you reconnect with him. And then he passes away suddenly. I would have to imagine there’s a part of you that feels grateful to have reconnected with him. And there’s a part of you that must feel like why did life do that. Was that almost harder to have reconnected when he passed away?

[00:18:53] CALLER: Yeah. You know, first of all, I have to say I’m terrible at processing grief. So the reality is that, you know, it’s been like, what, almost eight years this September. And I still don’t think I’ve let myself fully go through the emotions of something like that. I’m somebody that I don’t know what it is. I just try and keep a pretty like “I’m good” you know, I try and, like, push some of this stuff down. But seeing to answer your question, I thought of it both ways. So, like I see a universe where we never reconnected and I can maintain that level of detachment from him so that when he passes away, it’s maybe not as affecting as it was the other way because we were building a relationship and, you know, he was trying his best. He was helping me out, like in school to pay for stuff. He was- excuse me. You know, like I said, we’re trying to reconnect and then just felt like it was all taken away suddenly. But I got to be honest, where I landed at the end of the day, quite simply, is that I know so many people that have family issues or have lost loved ones that have never gotten to have any type of closure whatsoever. So granted, while it was sudden and it was the cherry on top of a really crappy situation and just feeling like I never really had a dad my whole life and how that’s affected me at the end, I just landed where I was thankful. And I don’t mean to sound positive to the point I’m like washing over it, but I was just truly thankful that we got to reconnect and that we got to talk and say, you know, I love you. To say, I’m sorry. To say I forgive you. Because when he sat down and shared his story with me, like he filled in the gaps of those 10 years, I actually took pity on the man because apparently after that whole thing where I left off when he and my mom had that fight and he’s out of the picture. The next 10 years for him, are living in, like a local homeless shelter for a while, being down and out, like just getting into all sorts of you know, he always had like he always had like addiction issues when he came to, like, sexual things especially. So, like, he would get in all sorts of crazy stuff with that. And I’m not you know, I’m not to say it’s excused, but like he would he just seemed really down now, like he was going he told me he’d go to strip clubs, like he would you know, he would just get to know stuff. He was homeless. He was, you know, so he had his own level of shit that he was going through within that ten years. So all that to say when we met up, I actually, you know, like I said, was thankful for that. And I and I took pity on the guy and, you know, like, well, he’s trying to turn his life around. By that point, he was managing a restaurant. He was taking care of his parents. And he was trying to get his life back on track. And we reconnected and he was willing to apologize. And I wanted to accept it so at the end of the day it was good thing. Even though there was a level of injustice to it you know like what the hell.

[00:22:10] CHRIS: So you met and you did manage to forgive him in the end.

[00:22:13] CALLER: Yeah, I’m bad at forgiveness, too. I just- I am bad at that also. But I think with him, to me, it was more than just saying I forgive you, which I did say that, it was over the next eight years since his passing, holding a memory of him that like man, I’m thankful that we shared those few months together, if nothing else.

[00:22:36] CHRIS: Right.

[00:22:37] CALLER: I think more about that than the shitty stuff.

[00:22:40] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s good. I mean, that’s a good that’s a good gift at the end, right? Yeah. I feel bad. I asked that question.

[00:22:49] CALLER: No, no, I don’t feel bad. Yeah. It’s all good man

[00:22:54] CHRIS: Because there’s a part of me, it’s like man this guy is probably beating people up and causing all this chaos. Maybe you want him to go away and just never see him again. Maybe reconnecting makes things more painful, but that is good to hear that forgiveness does- you know, I don’t think it’s bullshit that being able to look someone in the eye and say what you have to say and hear what they have to say back and then forgive, it has some healing qualities in a real way. I think that’s good to hear.

[00:23:22] CALLER: Yeah, for sure.

[00:23:25] CHRIS: So you were a- [pause] And I’m actually pretty- I get a little worked up when I hear stories like yours because you were a- were you like “that” kid in school in the sense of like my town had a bunch of kids like this and I always thought it was so fucking unfair if I’m being honest. You had kids who had maybe landed in some circumstances, not of their choosing, who had to be tough or had to live a little tougher? We were a little rough around the edges and there’s one kid in particular I was friends with who I got to say your story really reminds me of. Especially when you’re saying like you were the nerdy kid. I mean, you got expelled for hitting some was a math book. That kind of tells a lot. That image tells a lot about the two sides. Right?

[00:24:19] CALLER: Yeah. And my view is that it was the kid that, like, if I was the least liked and most bullied kid in school, it was the kid that just edged me out for the crown in our school. But I did that, too. Maybe I was resenting him and I don’t know, maybe I wanted to be the nerd kid. Yes.

[00:24:37] CHRIS: But you’re still almost getting expelled. How do you look back it like when you’re a kid? When you’re a kid and you’re in those rough circumstances and teachers respond by trying to expel you. I guess what I’m trying to ask is- I’m sorry I’m rambling so much, it’s like do you look back at how other adults handled you and have any resentment or questions? I always felt like there were kids in my town who people knew had it rough. And those kids adults just kind of gave them shit, man. Did you run into that?

[00:25:11] CALLER: Yes, I did. I get what you’re saying. I will say the most shit I got by far was from my peers, my fellow students. I got bullied in class all the time. I mean, just endlessly. Relentlessly. And it was one of those classic situations. So, you know, I’m a Cavs fan. Right. And so sometimes people will accuse LeBron or I was watching the Pacers Cavs series and Lance Stephenson just kept, like, bugging him and annoying and bullying him and, you know, he’d react.

[00:25:46] CHRIS: Yeah, he did.

[00:25:47] CALLER: I’m not going to defend LeBron like, you know, he can- anyway. So he- well I do want to defend LeBron.

[00:25:54] CHRIS: Well he’s the king. The world is starting to realize and I’m a big NBA fan myself. This guy might officially be holding a flame to Jordan and it’s starting to be taken real seriously. He’s also gonna get people to start taking some shots at the king. Lance Stephenson is gonna blow in your ear every once in a while when you’re the king. I don’t think anybody doubts that he’s the greatest player. I mean, I was lucky. I’m of an age I saw. I remember watching Jordan beat up on the New York Knicks back in the 90s. I got to see them both play live. I mean, LeBron is clearly the closest thing, right?

[00:26:26] CALLER: Oh, for sure. All right. Let’s go on a  30 second sidetrack here. Yeah. Who, in your opinion, is the greatest NBA player of all time?

[00:26:38] CHRIS: We got to pause right there. I want everybody, because I know Beautiful Anonymous fans universally, sports fans as well. Everybody take a breath. Think of who your favorite NBA player of all time is. Who’s the best in your mind? Ponder it. Take it seriously. And while you’re doing so, we’ve got ads coming up. So check out these products and services. Use the promo codes. Helps the show and you do. We’ll be right back with more phone call.

[AD BREAK]

[00:29:19] CHRIS:Thanks to all the advertisers to help us bring Beautiful Anonymous into the world. Now let’s get back to the phone call.

[00:29:26] CALLER: 30 seconds sidetrack here. Who, in your opinion, is the greatest NBA player of all time?

[00:29:32] CHRIS: I mean, Michael Jordan is the best. But then you start to read stats that are like LeBron never lost a first round playoff series and Jordan lost three. And you’re like, yeah. And then you’re like, LeBron went to the final seven years in a row. That’s insane. But he didn’t close on all of them, you know, and make all the excuses about his supporting stuff that you want. He’s at other all stars in there, too. You know, obviously, Pippen, I think, is in the running for one of the most underrated or undervalued plays of all time. He’s always in the shadow of Jordan. Pippen probably could have carried an entire team himself elsewhere. That being said, I still got to go with Jordan, right? I mean, he set the world on fire. I don’t know. LeBron is quite done that in the same way.

[00:30:13] CALLER: No. So I live in [BLEEP]. I would think I can only say that much. And so I grew up watching your- I mean, I’m almost 30, so I am younger, but I’m old enough that I remember watching Jordan as a kid and thinking I hate this guy because he’s so effing unstoppable and he’s always going to win. And the NBA sucks because he’s just going to win a championship year after year year. Oh, he’s playing baseball, thank God. Oh, you went to the Wizards. Awesome. Get him out of here. Like, you know, the specter of what Michael Jordan did looms so large that you just forget about, you know, some of the stats. Like he didn’t, you know, all the success he didn’t have from like when he was drafted to that first championship and all the struggles and the fact that he retired twice. And so like as a irrational [BLEEP] I’m like, you know, I’m going to tweet out LeBron go all day, every day. But as a rational NBA fan, I’d probably agree Jordan and then LeBron right now.

[00:31:22] CHRIS: I mean, I had the Knicks, at least we were going to the playoffs when he beat up on us every year. You guys had what Mark Price? Was he your best player back then?

[00:31:28] CALLER: Yeah, we had Mark Price, Craig Low, Larry Nance Senior. You know, Brad Daugherty. We had some stuff rocking  And it wasn’t you know, look, it was okay.

[00:31:38] CHRIS: Okay okay.

[00:31:41] CALLER: Anyway, so, yeah, oddly enough I think I went to church with Mark Christ when I was a kid and yeah, met him or yeah.

[00:31:53] CHRIS: I have to say fans of this podcast are known for loving honesty, humor, empathy, emotional vulnerability, this is the deepest we’ve ever delved into sports, you and me talking about going to church with Mark Price, the white guy, sharp shooter from the eighties Cavs.

[00:32:11] CALLER: Listen, man, if we had another hour, I would just talk sports with you for a whole hour.I’d talk sports I’d talk WWE. I was the biggest wrestling fan all through high school, I have all the action figures.

[00:32:24] CHRIS: All time top five.

[00:32:26] CALLER: All time top five? Aw man you’re really putting me on the spot here. So do I have to go like objective best? Or can I go favorites?

[00:32:33] CHRIS: Favorites. Wrestling is fake. You can go favorites.

[00:32:36] CALLER: OK, definitely. Undertaker OK, I gotta go Kane, I just, I loved maybe it was my dark childhood. I don’t know, I just loved the vibe I love the vibe they had.  Third would probably be stone cold. Steve Austin. Forth honestly Goldberg like that dude’s unstoppable like he had like one hundred and fifty wins in a row. I mean no it could be over and probably fifth was like, honestly, Kevin Nash, because I’m a really tall guy. So maybe I just relate to the big part of it, you know, like powerbomb people. So yeah. Oh, crap. I forgot about the rock. All right. I’m gonna have to do like top ten. Alright never mind. Yeah.

[00:33:18] CHRIS: I go Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Jake the Snake Roberts, Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibacy and I throw the great Muda in there. I’m a little older than you.  I’ve also I’ve been going back watching all the Tiger mask matches from the early 80s. Insane. Anyway, so you got picked on. Let’s get back on track. Yeah.

[00:33:36] CALLER: So can I ask you one last question about wrestling?

[00:33:41] CHRIS: Yeah. We I mean, we could just talk the whole time wrestling if you want. I’d love to.

[00:33:43] CALLER: Did you watch the Andre the Giant Doc?

[00:33:45] CHRIS: Yes, I did. I thought it was great.

[00:33:48] CALLER: What did you what did you think?

[00:33:51] CHRIS: I liked it. I liked that they showed his human side. It’s tough because, you know, you hear all these stories about his drinking and his how he couldn’t use regular bathrooms and all this stuff. I think that documentary did a good job of realizing, like, oh, yeah, those are urban myths. And there’s something so funny about hearing how a guy that big has to poop on a plane. But then also you’ve got to remember, it made him such an oddity in his life was full of a lot of like pain and isolation. And I thought it showed all the different sides of a very interesting life. Kudos to HBO for putting out dynamite content like the Andre the Giant documentary and career suicide. Thank you for that.

[00:34:31] CALLER: I was I mean, I was going to say it for you so you didn’t have to, you know, promote it, I was going to be like and career suicide.

[00:34:38] CHRIS: Yeah. No, I’m shameless. I’m shameless. I’m happy to go there. What if we did what if we ignored your whole life story talking about wrestling for the remaining 33 minutes of this call.

[00:34:48] CALLER: Wrestling an 80s basketball.

[00:34:50] CHRIS: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Early 90s.

[00:34:55] CALLER: Listen, I wouldn’t be upset by that. But I feel like maybe some of the listeners would be like, hey, what the heck? What about their stuff?

[00:35:01] CHRIS: We’ve teased a lot of stuff. We have teased a lot of stuff. You were saying though, these other kids- So you took it on the chin from the others. So you already got it at home while you’re around a lot of violence, a lot of instability. Now you’re going to school and the other kids. Do you feel like they may be sensed your vulnerability? Was it like that thing? Like they just sensed that you were you were prey and they were predators. Was it that or were you acting out because he did have a bad home. What caused the school life to go so bad.

[00:35:34] CALLER: Yeah. So the reason I brought up the, the Lance Stephenson and LeBron feud is I was LeBron in that scenario growing up. I played basketball my whole life, but not as good as him by a long shot. You know, he’s top tier, but I was a LeBron in the sense that, like, the kids would poke and prod at me and get under my skin and know what to say, how to pick at me. But I got in trouble for reacting back. So a kid would say something or make fun of me or whatever, and I’d flip them off and, you know, instantly I get in trouble or somebody, you know, is like like literally one time I think I had a girl spit in my face and I think I, I just start yelling and or so I don’t know, I was just, you know, I’m just like a little kid and what the heck, why do you spit my face? And, you know, I’m the one that gets in. I’m already in trouble and I’m not playing the victim card. Other kids will get in trouble a lot, too. But because I had that such like a reactionary nature to the bullying and to getting picked on to where I didn’t just like sit there and take it, but I would get angry and I’d lash out. Not like- I never hit anyone. A because I didn’t want to and B becauseI was just wimpy little kid. I didn’t have it in me and I don’t want to get beat up. But, you know, a prime example is one time I, you know, my best friend for a long time, this was definitely moment when he wasn’t my best friend, but my best friend and his brother and a couple kids were you know, we were all walking through a baseball field on our way home from school. I got in a fight with my best friend’s brother and we just start yelling at each other. And so I walked the opposite way, they’re walking the other way. And I turned around and I, I yell like, fuck you guys. And I start flipping them off or whatever. And I’m just, you know, I’m just angry a classic angry kid, remember? And one of the friends that was walking with us, for whatever reason, gets super pissed at me and just like starts and bolting at me, like going 100 miles per hour. I’m like, oh shit! I’ve got my book bag on and like I’m like trudging through the field trying to get away and he’s just like tackled me and starts beating me up and that’s just the kinda trouble I got myself in. And you know, so part of it was like, yeah, kids could smell blood in the water, you know, that’s how kids are. Unfortunately, it’s how they can be. They view someone as like weaker than them or whatever. They’re going to go for the jugular. But part of it was like, you know, part of it I brought on myself because, you know, I just I didn’t know how to handle all the stuff that was happening at home and then what’s happening at school. As far as you asking about the adults, I mean, yeah, I’m not going to lie. I got singled out as the troublemaker, the, you know, quote, troubled kid a lot in school. Again, same reason I brought some of on myself, like the time that I told a bunch of friends I was going, this was a middle school- I told a bunch of friends that I was going to, like, poison the school, that I had enough for whatever.  Mind you like what the hell like what am I going to do? I don’t know how to- you know, I’m just, like, flapping my gut. And then this girl, I had a huge crush on called the safety school help line on me and that was one of the times I got suspended. So, you know, it was both ways, man. Like some of it I brought myself some of it, some of it was just unfair, you know, judging or whatever, and people not knowing how to handle me.

[00:38:52] CHRIS: So I hear you. I feel like that is a thing that’s such an archetype. I remember so well from school. I think my brother, and I were- you know, my brother we both took some bullying and he had it worse than I did so well. And it’s that thing you say is like and then you start to bring it on yourself because you know, nobody’s really standing up for for you, and you don’t quite know the correct way to stand up for yourself. And you wind up running your mouth even more. Things just compound. And the next thing you know, you’re in this like loop. How old were you when you started to realize that?  That you had gotten the short end of the stick and a lot of ways.

[00:39:33] CALLER: Oh man, I think like now. Like, if I can be honest. Like, seriously, I’ve been thinking about that a lot. How, you know, the older you get, the more you start to kind of look back on the totality of your life and for me at least- and I’m not old or you know I’m about to turn thirty. But like, you start to settle in more of like, oh, this is literally the only life I get. And, you know, I again, I want to be so careful about how I word it because in all reality, she’s probably not going to listen. But like like I was telling you at the start, you know, I’ve I’ve shared my story a lot publicly and inadvertently a few times have put my mom in a situation where she feels like I’m and I don’t try to do this whatsoever. And I think ninety five percent of the time, I’m just saying innocuous things and she kind of takes with their own way. But I put her in a position sometimes where she feels like I’m putting her stuff out there, calling her out or whatever. So I wanna be careful how I say it but you know, a big reason I think I say now as far as realizing getting the short end is like my whole life my mom has struggled with just like, I think, undiagnosed mental issues for a very vague way to put it. I’m no mental health expert and like I said diagnosed, I couldn’t begin to tell you what it is. But she has her own very painful childhood story where her dad and mom would abuse each other and she was abused as a child. And, you know, obviously the situation with my dad. So I had nothing but empathy and love for her. And she absolutely I say this to the end of the day that she did her best as like a single mom to raise my sister and I, given all the circumstances she grew up with, whatever. But that’s a big part of it. So on the one hand, I feel like, okay- now, I’m not complaining, but it’s like I feel like I never had a father figure. And then I had my mom who’s been alive the whole time that has her own issues understandably so. And feeling like I’ve never really had a mom figure. So I say now because it’s like I know what I get the more I feel kind of gypped. To be honest, like man. So I just wish I had an emotional support system in my family, you know?

[00:41:55] CHRIS: Yeah. And you said you’re married now, right?

[00:42:01] CALLER: Yeah. It will be four years in September.

[00:42:04] CHRIS: Congrats. Is that part of it, you think? As you like-. Cause I’m sure that growing up the way you did, getting married must you must have to take a real deep breath and think long and hard on it. Is it  the type of thing that as you’re setting up your marriage and giving it the parameters and the stability that you want, that you start to see? Does the comparison between what you have now and with it, is that starting? Is that one of the things that’s helping to make you kind of have those realizations around this area of your life?

[00:42:39] CALLER: Oh, big time. Like my wife’s family is, like I said, that on their own side they have their own issues- sorry, I gotta blow my nose like springtime you know is killing me.

[00:42:52] CHRIS: Hey, pollens been killin everybody in 2018. We live in a divided country right now, divided times. A lot of people are butting heads about a lot of things. It’s getting really scary, the level of discourse in this country and how much people are living within the extremes. If there’s one thing that we as Americans can all agree on, the pollen has been out of control this spring.

[00:43:12] CALLER: I thought you’re going to say immigration.

[00:43:14] CHRIS: No, we can’t agree on that by a long shot. I would say that’s actually one of the one of the main-  from what I’ve picked up. That’s one of the central things we can’t find any common ground on. But pollen.

[00:43:26] CALLER: Yes, sorry. I thought you’re going differently. Yeah, pollen, I agree.

[00:43:29] CHRIS: Yeah. Pollen. Yeah. When it comes to, like, our economic policies, the way we’re handling North Korea and Iran now, no common ground there. It comes to political discourse. Yeah, not much. But pollen I think we’re all on the same page. It’s been nuts.

[00:43:47] CALLER: Oh, yeah. It’s the silent killer. You know, it’s just terrible

[00:43:52] CHRIS: Yeah, or at least makes you sneeze more than you want.

[00:43:55] CALLER: So, yes. You’re asking about where I’m at now. Being married yeah, absolutely. I mean my wife’s family- her mom and dad have been married for a very long time I think since their early 20s. And they’re yeah, just in their early 50s now. So they’ve been married a long time. So they in a way- like I’ve told them before they like in some ways they kind of helped me to see what, what that can look like in a marriage like, you know, like a redeemed kind of marriage. Like it’s, you know, something that’s for the most part, like helping and good. And but just in my own marriage, you know. So I had examples from them and from like other friends and people, I’ve seen families I’ve been around. But so my own marriage. It makes it a huge realization because I’m sure, like I’m sure most people feel, I guess, when it comes to being married or having kids or career or whatever, but I just I feel like I’m just making it up as I go along. You know, I have plenty of days, believe me, where I feel like super insecure about being a husband and like, I’m just doing nothing but screwing it up. And, you know, it just it makes me realize like, oh, man, I don’t know what I really have to go on here. Like, I am making it up as I go. So I’m sure I’m sure you can relate to that. I mean, how long have you been married?

[00:45:13] CHRIS: I’m also coming up on four years in August.

[00:45:17] CALLER: Oh, nice. Congratulations.

[00:45:20] CHRIS: Thanks. You too. You too. I agree with what you’re saying. I feel like and again I’m very lucky, despite any problems I had my parents were very stable people I was lucky on that. You and I are opposites on that. But I’m sure everybody. You get married and you realize, oh, everybody’s faking it. There’s no God. There’s no guidebook to this. No, there’s no. Nobody gives you like a breakdown of here’s the things you have to do to have a stable, happy, healthy marriage. You just kind of wing it and then hope it works out. You have to imagine parenting is the same thing. Everybody is just flying by the seat of their pants, keeping a straight face while chaos erupts around them at all times.

[00:46:09] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, no, you’re right. And that’s been a realization for me, too, is the people that I would label as, oh, they’re normal or they have their shit together. You know, it’s realizing as I get older. Exactly what you said. Like, we’re all making it up as we go. And that’s what I appreciate about this show so much is that ability for people to share their story. And you get that sense of like they’re basically saying, me, too, you know, not t0 like borrow that phrase for what it’s not meant for right now. But they’re saying like me too, and like my story, like I can relate to. I can relate to, you know, what you’re going through, and here’s my story, and you listen to the show and that’s the sense you get is like, oh, they understand what I’m going through.  Or they would get it you know. And I think that for me that promotes so much more forgiveness and empathy because you realize. Oh, yeah. We’re all just kind of making it up as we go and we don’t to hold some of these things too seriously.

[00:47:02] CHRIS: That’s very nice. I feel like maybe, Beautiful Anonymous we can try to isolate like the catch phrase of like “I as well.”  Meaning like I as well understand that feeling. I as well experience feelings you’re feeling cause me too has been taken. So maybe I have, maybe we can go with I as well have experienced the emotions and pain you’re feeling, even though we’re very different people who live very different lives. I don’t want to. Yeah. I feel like I gotta-. Me too. We had to let that one run its course with what it is, you know.

[00:47:33] CALLER: Oh no. I don’t want to take that one away from what it is whatsoever. I think. Coming up with a new one, I as well. That’s genius. Like what’s wrong with it.

[00:47:41] CHRIS: I as well. Now, how do you and your wife meet? You mentioned that some point earlier on in the call that you’ve found a surrogate community. I wrote that down because I found that phrasing interesting. Did you meet? How did this all come? What are these communities? How did your wife and you get together? What are we talking here?

[00:47:56] CALLER: All right.

[00:47:59] CHRIS: Surrogate communities. You hear more about those? I’m always interested in those for me. I wonder what it was for a caller. We’ll find out. All that and more will come back to first some ads. Check them out. Products, services that might help your life. You decide to partake. Use the promo codes. Helps the show when you do. We’ll be back with more phone call.

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[00:49:43] CHRIS: Thanks again to everybody, sponsors Beautiful Anonymous. Now let’s finish off the phone call. You mentioned that somebody earlier, the call that you found a surrogate community. I wrote that down because I found that phrasing interesting. Did you meet? How did this all come? What are these communities? How did your wife and you get together? What are we talking here?

[00:50:00] CALLER: All right. So a big part of my story. I don’t want to leave out is and a lot of what I try and talk about whenever I get the chance to share my story with people is this idea of a family in a broader sense. Right. So I would say there is very much a Beautiful Anonymous family. You know, the Facebook group or people listening to the show, whatever, we’re all kind of like a surrogate family to each other, you know, even though we’re not related. And that’s what I experienced growing up. And I want to say that’s how I feel about Beautiful Anon. I don’t want to prescribe that on anyone else, but that’s the sense I get from it. And so, you know, growing up, I had people like I started going I start going to a youth group and I was in middle school. And honestly it was my saving grace. Like I went there for the free pizza and, you know, the free cookies are after school or whatever, like, you know, it worked. And I started going there and hanging out. And, you know, my youth pastor at the time was somebody that was like, you know, he was going to the college that I eventually went to and graduate from. And he was just somebody as cool. Like, he’d come over and say, hey, you wanna go play basketball. And, you know, just being around that environment was a huge influence on my life. And so, like in the church, as I was growing up in the church, I found like a spiritual family. I’d call it, you know, just a surrogate family. And then, you know, going into college because of my upbringing, there are so many things I just didn’t know how to do. Right. So I remember just not knowing how to do the simplest things and just meeting people to step in and kind of help out and I’d have so many questions. So my roommate and then people I met at school or friends I made and then their families. And then as I started to go more on a track where I realized, you know, at the time in college, I started to major in youth ministry and I did a music minor. I was in a band for like seven years and was convinced that I was going to become a career musician as a drummer. Like, it was my biggest passion. But at the same time, I wanted to help people like I had been helped, like the same way I had found. So youth ministry was just the immediate connection I made until like, well, this is what I’ve experienced in the church. And I know so many people have so many different experiences with church. But, you know, at that time my experience was like, oh, these are people that care about me. This is like a good environment, positive community, this family. And so, you know, that’s like that was, you know, going to a high school, college and then coming out of college. You know, it can be jarring for some people and it was for me coming out of college and like, realizing, oh, I’m not in this immediate- cause I lived on campus all four years, like, oh, I’m not in this immediate connected community anymore. And it’s just continued over the years to be like the different friendships I’ve made. And I want to be really clear, like inside and especially outside of the church and like all types of people, the different like friendships and connections and relationships I’ve been able to, like, make and at the end of the day it was just people, especially I was younger, that saw through the the shitty situation I was in and I saw my potential as a person, or they just treated me with dignity or respect and just kind of cared for me through all my baggage. And those are the people that had the biggest impact on my life. I’m sure a lot of people have those people. I’m sure you those people, you know, just walk with you through all the crap and come out on the other side. And that’s super meaningful you know, that’s why I where I’m at, where I’m at.

[00:53:24] CHRIS: So wait are you? You’re a youth minister??

[00:53:28] CALLER: No, not at all.

[00:53:29] CHRIS: I was gonna say you’ve juggled a few too many F bombs for you, Youth Minister.

[00:53:35] CALLER: No. Yeah, I don’t know how much time we have left. But yeah, it’s just, you know. No, I’m not youth, minister. I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector for a long time, like I’m the director of a [BLEEP]  based nonprofit. Like we do stuff all over the state [BLEEP] And then but we’re a part of like a larger national nonprofit that like, you know, I’ll do stuff in like other parts of the country as well, like similar projects.

[00:54:13] CHRIS: Is it church affiliated? Your nonprofit?

[00:54:18] CALLER: So it started out as like a sort of- so to tie some pieces together here. So I majored in youth ministry but quickly found out like, OK. Like I said, that’s what I immediately wanted to do because that’s what had helped me. But I realized very quickly through my family’s experiences going through like being like something like a poverty situation, my dad passing away like almost immediately after my family went through that period where they didn’t have housing and then found a place. I started volunteering in college at like a local homeless shelter. And I was like I was putting all these things together in my brain of like my own experiences and then stories of like other people’s stories. I was hearing that we’re going through hard times, that maybe their poverty was circumstantial or maybe it was generational, you know, but they were just going through it. And I start to put all these things together. And so, like 2011 or no it was still 2010, it doesn’t matter. I started going around to like people and saying, hey, you know, I want to do this charity idea that I have to just go out and be out in the community and help people and bring that sense of family that I had experience like out into people that like just weren’t going to church or whatever. And it was more than just to me, it was more than just, oh, I’m trying to, like, proselytize or like I was never about that. Never am, never have been. I just wanted to simply connect with people on a real level. You know, so when we started doing this charity idea and I found out about this organization that was doing it nationally and contacted their founder and was like, hey, I love what you guys are doing. I’m trying to do similar thing here [BLEEP] I don’t know, it won’t give too much away, but it was just centered around the idea of helping people pay for their laundry. So we started doing community events where we’d be. We’d go to laundromats like work with the laundromat, work with local businesses, churches, whoever. And we would host like a free wash day and we’d bring laundry supplies and quarters and volunteers. And it just became like a third space in the community where people could connect with each other and experience that sense of family. And that organization that work has become a really important part of my story, because over the last few years, you know, just be honest, I’ve really struggled like I’ve waned a lot on things I held to be like foundational to me from a faith perspective.  And I really don’t, if you like, pin me down I couldn’t really tell. Like, I still believe in God, but I experienced so much terrible shit, like in the church and working in a church when I got out of college that it just threw me for a whole loop. But this is the one thing I clung to that I know no matter what. Here’s the person I want to be. And here’s what I believe in, is helping people that have been through it that like I can relate to them and say I as well, you know, and like that’s been the one value that stuck with me no matter what is I know that’s what I want to do. I don’t want to practically help people. And I know that I want to empower people that are going through things similar to what I’ve been through. I want to treat them with dignity and with respect, because that was always one of my big frustrations in the church and in the nonprofit world, is that there’s so much stuff out there that demeans people, doesn’t treat them with respect, doesn’t treat them with dignity, is actually selfish because we’re just trying to push our agenda and our belief. And like you must think like I think kind of stuff rather than just saying, hey, you’re a human being, you know, from a theological perspective. You were made in the image of God from a non theological perspective you just matter because you’re a person and you exist. So let’s focus on that and push all the other shit to the side and just help each other out. And those are the things that, like I said, sorry to get into all that, but you know no matter what I’ve been working through personally from a faith perspective, I cling to that stuff.

[00:58:18] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s powerful stuff right there. I would imagine, especially with the family experiencing some homelessness that must bubble to the surface real quick. It’s really.

[00:58:29] CALLER: Yeah. I mean, I go to these laundromats all over the country, to be honest. And like, you know, I hear so many people’s stories and there parts I can relate to there are parts that I can’t. But the one thing, like I said, that holds true is, you know, people are much like this show and you don’t know who they are or where they’re coming from, what their story is. But I think what you do a great job and not, you know, be like to kiss assy or whatever is like, you know, you and what you’ve done with me is like you listen and you ask good questions. And, you know, that’s what the Beautiful Anonymous community as a whole are really prone to do, is just empathize with people and treat them with dignity. And that’s why I’m so drawn to it. It’s because it is a diverse group of people coming from all sorts of backgrounds and walks of life and experiences. But the one thing we hold together and the one thing that’s held together in me through all the stuff I’ve been through, and experiences, is that idea of just community and building each other up within that and how powerful that can be for each other.

[00:59:31] CHRIS: Thank you for the kind words. It’s fun. It’s so interesting hearing that you do stuff that’s based through laundry. Here’s the question I have that I think you have unique perspective on, both because your personal past and because of the work you’re doing now, the image of homelessness, especially. I live in New York. So homelessness is a very visible thing. And you see people who are, I mean, very, very rough shape physically and very clearly mentally and emotionally. That’s like the that’s the tip of the iceberg, right. That’s the tip of the spear. A lot of homelessness is people who really, you know, need things like laundry, please, because I have a job interview and I got to get the smell of these clothes and I think that might get me over the hump. And it’s small things like a I’ve always heard that one of the things you can do is donate socks that like socks are one of the big things that the socks fall apart quick and then people’s feet get messed up and then everything else starts to fall apart physically because of that. It’s there’s this whole idea of like the cartoon archetype of a homeless person, which living in New York, you do see that. But there’s also just the working poor and people who just really want to hold their heads up high. And it sounds like that’s the type of thing you’re doing.

[01:00:42] CALLER: Yeah. The simple effort to put before, because you’re right, there are all different people that, you know, struggle with, like struggling like a homeless or homelessness or poverty situation. But I’ve heard it put before the kind of work, you know, that I want to do and perpetuate is stuff that feels like, you know, it’s cliche, but like a hand up, not a hand out, so to speak. So, I mean, at the end of day, I’m a firm believer in like, if you’re trying to just engage with people and help them like and you have that just basic level of compassion for people, that’s incredible. Like, let’s run with that. And then as far as the more strategic ways of helping people. There’s a book called Toxic Charity by a guy Bob Lupton, who runs a nonprofit out of Atlanta that I really love because it talks about all the stuff with charity can be super helpful to people and in so many ways it is. But it’s done in a way that like where we disassociate our head from our hearts, like if we’re only thinking with our hearts. Right. We’re not putting our head there also. That can be harmful to people to where, you know. And I just I just go from personal experience, you know, like my mom, my family growing up. There were plenty of people that brought over groceries or did things that help us out. And it was always, always, always appreciated. I won’t ever disparage it. Like I knew that the end of the day, the things that really helped me get from point A to point B were the people that were willing to do things that that were empowering or promoted my sense of dignity or self worth as a human. And that’s what I want to do with my life. You know, it’s like you’re saying you know, there’s situational poverty. I talked to so many people that, you know, they had more money than I’ll ever have in my life. And, you know, if shit went wrong and they just ended up in a bad situation, you know, and that there’s people that it’s generational, like it’s all their family has known for as long as they can remember, and as long as their parents can remember, you know, and it’s like regardless of where a person’s coming from or where they’re at with it, it’s just treating them with that dignity, respect and it’s thinking from a mindset of like it, even if it’s like if you already doing something involving charity, I just view it as making a little tweak, like, what can I do? That’s going to take this person from being a caricature like you described it, like the classic things we think of with like homelessness or poverty. What’s the thing I can do to, like, help that person like me to basic need? I love that you said with laundry job interviews because that’s stuff we talk about. You know, we talk to plenty of teachers who can’t send kids or sorry, so teachers to deal with parents who won’t send their kids to school because they don’t have clean clothes. A guy told me one time, I just want to walk down the street and not have people walk to the other side of the street because I smell bad, you know? So it’s like meeting that basic need, like you were saying. But that’s where we’re trying to connect the two dots. It’s like, yes, we want to meet a basic need, but also what’s the deeper, you know, personal level of creating family or a positive community environment where people can, you know, build a support system or make connections to feel like people, you know, like. At the end of the day, I just want people to feel loved and respected and celebrated as people because I think we all have an inherent level of self-worth. And that’s what people showed me growing up when I didn’t think so.

[01:04:05] CHRIS: That’s powerful stuff right there. Hey, we got six minutes left. I want to make sure I ask. I bet a lot of people are wondering. I would I would regret if I didn’t ask. How are your mom and your sister doing now?

[01:04:15] CALLER: Oh man. Every time people ask me that, like I feel a twinge of pain, I’m not going to lie. It’s perfect. It’s perfectly reasonable question. But to be honest, like while overall circumstances have improved, it can still be rough. You know, my mom and I don’t have like I said, I love my mom. I’ve had nothing but respect for her. She’s really done her best, but she’s just still continue to struggle. And, you know, she’s in a situation right now and like married to God that I don’t know. I don’t feel the best about it. But like, as long as she’s happy, I’m good with it. Kind of one of those things. And my sister, like, she’s like viewed this situation very differently than I have. Like she whereas I was always like, push, push, push, get out, get out, get out. Like I going to paint my own past, so to speak. She I think has felt more demoralized by it or like has clung to it more. And so she’s in a good spot. I mean she- listen. You know, trying to keep it in perspective, she is in college like she’s on the track to graduate college, to be like the second person in our family, which is incredible, you know. But then there’s also things where I think it stunted some of her growth, where, you know, she’s just got her first job recently and she’s 19, you know, so she’s had her own different struggles with it. But. You know, I want I do want to say in regards to my mom and sister, like this was one of the reasons I love my wife so much is because she has helped me. And like we together have made such an effort to continue to maintain that connection and relationship with them, because I can say all this good stuff about the kind of stuff I wanna do career wise. But if I can’t do that within my own family, like try to maintain a good relationship with my with my immediate family and keep that connection, then that’s worthless. So at the end day, look, I love my mom. They’re doing they’re doing pretty good. I just want more for them. I don’t know if that makes sense.

[01:06:23] CHRIS: You know what I’m going to say about you? Make a bold proclamation here. I feel like your life experience is is living, living proof and furthered efforts towards the idea that people are more than they seem on the surface.

[01:06:42] CALLER: I’m so glad you said that. First of all, it’s encouraging. But secondly, I just what I want to make it clear to like everyone listening, that’s what I hear in everybody’s- in every single story I’ve heard on Beautiful Anonymous. I’m like every person that shares is like and I’m sure you hear that. And again, I don’t mean to be like a kiss ass like Beautiful Anonymous is doing is so important because you can’t just take the book by its cover sort of deal. Like you have to get to know people and find- like we’re different and we should celebrate our differences and acknowledge that we’re different and unique. But at the same time, like we have things in common that should bring us together and we should let that happen also you know.

[01:07:24] CHRIS: I think so. In your in your work with charity, in these efforts you’re making with this organization? Are there any examples that come to mind of the person who your initial impressions of them where you were most blown away by how different the story underneath the initial impressions were like?

[01:07:45] CALLER: How do you mean? I think so but will you clarify.

[01:07:48] CHRIS: Like, have you ever met somebody in your efforts cause I’m sure you meet people. It sounds like you do a lot of work where you meet people who are in hard circumstances, maybe living hard lives. Maybe they walk into the room and your initial instinct is to go, whoa, okay. And you think you have some sense of who that person is. But then when they actually get talking, you hear their story, you realize, oh, there’s so much more to this than I knew.

[01:08:08] CALLER: Yeah. Just off top of my head. There’s one woman that- she’s been in a few of our projects and, you know, just come to find out, like, you know, so all we know upfront is she’s here, she’s doing her laundry like, you know. Then, you know, come to find out like she’s someone that works in a local elementary school, helps kids day in and day out, raises her own kids and even goes so far now as to like donate to our projects, you know, laundry supplies, things like that. And we meet we meet tons of those people. And that’s one of things I love about it, is that idea that, OK, somebody is coming in with this. But, you know, we want people to be able to volunteer and give back and help out and be a part. And there’s so many people doing great things in the community that you just wouldn’t know it on a you know, on a weekend morning coming to do their laundry. So, yeah, that happens all the time. That’s one of my favorite things.

[01:09:06] CHRIS: You got about a minute left. What else do we want to get out there?

[01:09:11] CALLER: I just want to say that, you know, I appreciate you, man. I appreciate this community. And it’s been a big help to me over the last few years hearing people’s stories. And like you said. Let’s not co-opt a really important phrase “me too.” Let’s let’s have our own “I as well.” And let’s keep doing that. Let’s keep let’s keep saying I as well. I think it’s powerful.

[01:09:29] CHRIS: I want to thank you for fighting the good fight. Reacting to your own your own early circumstances and now trying to get out there, see if you can’t help some other people get through their own adverse circumstances. I think that’s pretty cool.

[01:09:45] CALLER: Thanks, man. Hey, go calvs.

[01:09:47] CHRIS: It’s go Nicks. Come on man we gotta go Nicks, these Nicks are going to bounce back. Let’s go. Cavs. They’re in there too. They’re about to go. I don’t know. Boston. Boston’s up two- oh at the time of this recording. It looks like these days maybe done my friend.

[01:10:00] CALLER: One word, LeBron.

[01:10:02] CHRIS: You think LeBron is going to, like, rise from the ashes and carry them above a two- oh deficit? I think not my amigo. I don’t know.

[01:10:08] CALLER: He’s gonna rise like a Phoenix and destroy them.

[01:10:010] CHRIS: Like the phoenix Suns. I don’t know why I said that. It didn’t make sense. [BELL RING] Caller, thank you so much for calling up and I hope by the time this airs that- I don’t hope the calfs win, the Celtics it’s a better story. And it’s tough as a New York fan to root for Boston sports scene. But they’re the underdog story. So I hope you’ve actually really bad news as far as the Cleveland Cavaliers go. But if they make the Eastern Conference finals, then so at that point sure. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for talking about that painful stuff. Thank you for talking about the future stuff, the hopeful stuff, the stuff you hope to accomplish in the world moving forward. I wish you all the luck in the world. We’re lucky to have people like you who are on a grassroots level trying to help others. Thanks for calling. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you to Harry Nilsson and Jarred O’connell for coming all the way to the Gethard show office to deal with a technical nightmare day and slugging through it. Thanks to Shel Chag for music. Thanks to Gretta Cohen and the Reverend John Dollar for help me build this show in the early days. ChrisGeth.com is where you can go find all my road dates, I’ve got a lot coming up, so check him out. Maybe I’m coming to your city and we can hang out. I think that’s all I rigamarole. We’ll see you next time on Beautiful Anonymous.