EP. 98 — Chemo Chameleon

[00:00:00] CHRIS: Today’s episode is brought to you by Merge Records, a great label, a label full of bands that I think listeners of this show will enjoy. Over the last 25 years, Merge Records have been home to so many great bands, including the Magnetic Fields. I think a lot of listeners of this show, if you don’t know the magnetic fields, you’re gonna love them. Download their stuff. We’re talking about Spoon. We’re talking about Neutral Milk Hotel. Life-changing album for me, that first Neutral Milk Hotel album and now got a couple new albums coming out in February from OT and from Superchunk. Superchunk. Both of those bands are fantastic. Superchunk, Mac from a from Merge and Superchunk. He actually sent over a preview. I listened to that record. It is so good. You got Titus Andronicus come in March. New Jersey, it’s on! Titus Andronicus. Visit merge records.com to learn about, listen to and shop for music by these artists and many others. Listeners of this podcast get 20 percent off any order using the coupon code “BEAUTIFUL”. As always, domestic shipping is free again. Go to merge records dot com. Enter “BEAUTIFUL”. Get 20 percent off your purchase. Good people. Friends of the show, Merge Records Home of independent music since 1989. In honor of Black History Month, Spontaneous Nation will be featuring black improvisers and guests for all of February here from incredible performers like Nathan Lee Graham, LeVar Burton, Toni Newsome and improvisers like Sean Distant, Carl Tartt, Ronnie Adrian, Lacy Mosley, Zeke Nicholson, Sean Dist is in there. I tell you, Sean is an old friend of mine, one of the best improvisers on the planet. If you’re a Gethard Show fan, Sean Dist Trivia Fact: member of the Whistle Bat Gang from the early public access episode. Very, very funny guy, also secretly known as the smoke weed guy from the Chris Gethard Show if you get that reference. You’re not going to want to miss these compelling interviews. Hilarious improvised narratives. Spontaneon Nation with Paul F. Tompkins, the hilarious, wonderful Paul F. Tompkins. Hear it every Monday on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[00:01:59] CHRIS: Hello to all my professional sage spreaders. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.

[01:12:18] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

[00:02:24] CHRIS: Hello, everybody. My name’s Chris Gethard, this is Beautiful Anonymous, the show where you get to spy on other people’s lives. Your podcast, your audio, you get to put your little earbuds in and be a voyeur. Nobody on the subway knows you’re listening to somebody else talk all about their life and their opinions and their experiences. It’s a fun show. I will tell you, I’ve been on vacation for the past three weeks. You guys have I think heard that. I’ve mentioned that in the intros to the show. I am back and I will tell you this. And this is something that’s true and that comes from the bottom of my heart. Towards the end of our vacation, my wife looked at me, she said, ‘Now what are you most excited to get back to?’ And the first thing I said, ‘Excited to go have some conversations with strangers.’ It’s the best I get to do this. Never expected it to be successful. And it’s the best. It’s the best. It’s the number one thing that I was excited to do when I came back to America. So thank you all for supporting the show and allowing it to happen. It’s a special thing in my life. Now, let’s go ahead. Let’s talk a little bit, because, first of all, February 7th, our show at the Bell House in Brooklyn. Guess what, everybody? We sold it out. Show of strength right there. Hundreds of tickets. I’m so excited. This is tomorrow night. And for those of us, you know those of you listening to the day that this episode drops? Can’t wait to meet so many of you. A bunch of the mods from the Facebook group are coming out. I’m going to hang out with them. They’re going to quickly learn that although I am someone who has made a career of talking to people intimately, I’m horrible at it in real life, they’re going to quickly understand how awkward it is to talk to me one on one in person. So looking forward to meeting everybody who’s coming out and especially those mods who worked so hard to create that space for all of us to discuss episodes. If you’re not a member of the Beautiful Anonymous community, it’s up to about 25000 people. Get in on it. It’s a truly positive place on the Internet. How often do you get to say that? And if you want to come to some more of the Bell House shows, I’m telling you, there’s another one on the 13th, another one on the 21st. Grab that ticket now, baby. Those tickets are flying, going fast. OK. We’re coming out. We’re partying. This whole community. It’s party. We got people coming to New York just to see these shows. That’s awesome. Tell you what, I was following Facebook group a little bit while I was on the road in vacation, checking in when I could, trying to enjoy the vacation, not get too caught up in anything. But I’ll tell you, last week’s episode, uh, was a guy just in the Wal-Mart, right? Was it a Wal-Mart or a Target? Jared? Was it Wal-Mart? I tell you, a shockingly divisive episode in the Facebook group. Tons of feedback, at times, I would say, borderline violent anger being expressed. Other people coming to bat and defending it. It’s funny. I’ve noticed that a lot of times when the episodes are a little unfocused, when it’s just a slice of life that some people do not like that. I will say, I’ll just remind you that, first of all, react however you want, react however you want, be respectful. But you don’t have to like ’em all. Do remember, there’s always another one next week. That’s one of the beauties, beautiful things about this thing we call podcasting. There’s another one coming next week, so let’s get it going. I will say, too, I noticed a lot of comments that made me laugh a lot. A number of people, more than one person starting to point out: it seems like I’m hearing this weird uh soft scratching noise episodes that… You nailed me! I do have a lot of nervous tics. I have a lot of borderline OCD stuff. I tend to draw with markers, with sharpies. The Earwolf very foolishly left a big cup full of sharpies sitting in the booth. And if you ever get a chance to see a picture of the Earwolf table, I would say roughly 40% of the drawing on it is because of me nervously doodling. And Jared also told me today that he spends way too much time editing out as much of that as possible, which what a saint of a human being. While I know that the listeners view Jared O’Connell as an iron fisted dictator, he is actually the kindest person I interact with on a regular basis. And the idea that he’s had to edit me drawing is heartbreaking and I apologize. This week’s episode, I will tell you, this is a very special one to me, near and dear to my heart. I’ve thought about it many times since I was able to talk to this person. This person is facing down something that by any of our definitions is a scary thing. It’s a medical situation. It’s a serious one. And you will hear it’s also an immediate one. It’s on the horizon in a way that that is no joke. There’s not a theoretical thing to this person. This is the thing that’s going down. And it’s scary. It’s a scary thing that I think a lot of us get scared to talk about. But I will tell you this. You’re gonna hear it. This person. Such a good sense of humor. Such a positivity to a degree that just kind of blew me away. Just kind of blew me away. It’s one of those ones. One of the reasons that I am so lucky to do this show, why I was so excited to get back to it… I learn, I learn from all the people I talked to. And on its best day, the show inspires me. And this call is one of those person. I wish you, I send you so much love. Wish you well so sincerely. And I really I’m not the only one. I’m sure many people are about to say the level of humor and charm in the face of what this person is facing is astounding. So enjoy the call.

[00:07:47] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

[00:07:54] CHRIS: Hello?

[00:07:54] CALLER: Hi.

[00:07:58] CHRIS: Hi.

[00:08:01] CALLER: How are you today?

[00:08:02] CHRIS: How am I today? I’m cold. It’s New York City. For anyone who’s listening. I don’t know when this will be released, but we’re recording it during the bomb cyclone. And it’s one of those stretches where you go, ‘Why do why have I lived in this city for 14 years? Why do I do this to myself?’ That’s how I’m doing now. Otherwise, I’m great. How are you?

[00:08:26] CALLER: OK. I had a headache and left work early because I’m starting chemo later and I didn’t feel like being at work today before that.

[00:08:36] CHRIS: You’re starting chemo today?

[00:08:38] CALLER: Yeah. Like in three hours.

[00:08:40] CHRIS: So you left work early. I like that you started with headache. The much less concerning thing we do there. Yes. What if I only asked you about the headache right now? How bad, how horrible with that, you know. So sorry. I’m so sorry to…

[00:08:56] CALLER: No, it’s okay. It was kind of crazy. I was sitting on the couch watching Game of Thrones and you tweeted up with the number now. And I was like, ‘This is a much less depressing way to spend hours like saying…’ I don’t know. I’m starting I’m starting that in a few hours and I’m a little I’m a little nervous cause I found out right before Christmas and it’s been kind of a little stressful.

[00:09:20] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s brutal, I’m sorry. What’s going on?

[00:09:24] CALLER: They found the… They found the tumor in my ovaries that hopefully will go away soon. It’s not it’s not super bad or anything, but they know, it was lot to take in. But I’ve got I’ve got a lot of good friends on my side who have like offered to cut off their hands off already, I’m like, ‘I think you guys just want to cut off your hair. You don’t have to do this. Yes, fine.’ And what? You know, like a friend today texted me asking if, like, he can throw me a benefit concert, which is overwhelmingly kind. So it’s just it’s crazy because I feel like I’ve actually been dealt so much kindness in the past month that that’s really overwhelming.

[00:10:01] CHRIS: Yeah. That’s cool. I’m glad you got people taking care of you. Did you, was there, did you know something was going on? Like, had you been feeling pain or sickness or when did this come out of nowhere?

[00:10:11] CALLER: I had, I ended up in the hospital. Like at the end of last year. And they thought it was just an infection, which was horrible because they didn’t know what the infection was. They were like, ‘Call your ex and tell them to get tested for STDs.’ I was like, ‘Oh, great.’ And we had just broken up. So I had to call my ex on Valentine’s Day from the hospital to say, ‘Hey, I might be dying from an STD. You should get checked.’ But then it wasn’t bad and ended up being a tumor.

[00:10:36] CHRIS: Wow. That’s hard. I don’t like anything about that story.

[00:10:41] CALLER: No. No, it was pretty not ideal, but I guess he was nice about it. And I had a bunch of friends come over and take care of me. So it was it was super, super nice. They just drink mimosas and made fun of me for a few days and it was fine. And I felt better. But now I’m feeling worse again. So they have to you have to start chemo today, which is just stressful.

[00:11:05] CHRIS: And you said you found all this out just in like the past month?

[00:11:09] CALLER: Yeah, I’ve ended our already before right before visiting my parents for the holidays. So and of course, they were saying, ‘Oh, you can get a bunch of cool wigs now.’ Which is true. I did have a bunch of cool wigs before, but I think everybody was like dealing with it with humor and I think today’s the first day that like it’s too real for me to make jokes about it.

[00:11:31] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, I imagine…

[00:11:34]  CALLER: I’d love to try making jokes about it, but I think it’s just like it feels a little too real when I woke up this morning. So, yeah.

[00:11:42] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:11:44] CALLER: It’s just it’s been intimidating. Especially like hearing a bunch of things about like how healthcare might not be a thing. It’s like it’s like a lot. And I feel like people keep using me as an example when they’re talking about health care and stuff. I’m like, ‘No, stop bringing me up to everybody else. I don’t need everybody to know.’

[00:12:01] CHRIS: Do you have healthcare, by the way?

[00:12:02] CALLER: I do. I’m still luckily, I’m still my parents through the next year or so, everything’s working out. But it’s it’s like it sucks to be a part of that conversation all the time. Like being a part of the conversation about healthcare and like people using me as an excuse and like being considered a token unhealthy person, in a lot of my friend groups. You know, and like I said, people are really nice about it, but sometimes it’s like, I don’t want to be the token unhealthy person. Like being a perpetually unhealthy person sucks. And, like, it’s hard to be at work and not, you know, feel crappy because I can’t run around like everybody else. And like it’s difficult to bring out that new job like, ‘Oh, well, you know, I’ve been in constant pain since I was like fifteen.’ So, you know, it’s just it’s hard, but it’s it’s almost like, hopefully it’ll hopefully it’ll be getting better soon. So I’m just trying to focus on the fact that, like, they wouldn’t put me on something, it wouldn’t at least try to help. So yeah, I’d be assured.

[00:13:01] CHRIS: No, that’s okay. It’s… hate to say it. This is actually far from the biggest downer this show has ever hosted. I do have a question. I’m a little confused so, you said that you just found out about everything in the past month, but then you said you’ve also been in constant pain since you were 15. I’m a little confused about the timeline.

[00:13:24] CALLER: So I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was 15 and it just, I guess like not a lot people… No one really understands what it is, so people kept pushing me off to different doctors and like I’ve seen like some doctors and like gynecologists, like I had to go get, you know, like a head CAT scan recently because they couldn’t figure out a way to stop it. But it’s just people, I guess there’s just not a lot of research about like endometriosis, which affects a lot of people. So, you know, no one did anything. And then I guess it just got so bad that it got out of hand. And that’s what I found out in December because I went to the doctor for just a checkup and then he rushed me into the ultrasound room and said, you know, which is never good. He was he rushed me and there was like, ‘You know what? Let’s do it. Let’s see one of these guys, an emergency ultrasound.’ And I was like, ‘OK.’ And I got pretty bad news. And I had to, you know, start… it just, I don’t know, kind of like blacked out from, like, how weird it all felt. But…

[00:14:24] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:14:26] CALLER: And then I went home like two days later. So and then, you know, I’m doing chemo tonight and going to a friend’s birthday party. But I don’t really know how that’s going to work out where you’re going to a party after the chemo.

[00:14:34] CHRIS: Wait you mean you’re going to a party  after the chemo?

[00:14:37] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:14:38] CHRIS: You mean you thought about maybe some like Netflix, instead? You thought maybe hit the couch, get the Hulu cranked up?

[00:14:46] CALLER: No, no, no.

[00:14:47] CHRIS: You want to go out and party?

[00:14:48] CALLER: Yeah. I’ve been on bed rest for two like three weeks and I’m on the East Coast so there was a little bit of a storm hit us. So I think the whole city is kind of shut down. And there’s nothing worse than cabin fever when there’s like a few inches of snow outside.

[00:15:07] CHRIS: So the endometriosis was relate [sic]. So that wasn’t a separate thing. That’s the thing that’s been in your life for a while. And it led to the tumor?

[00:15:16] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. And it, you know, it was really tough because it’s like like if you, like, I would try to make plans with friends and I have to bail out last minute ’cause I was in pain and it felt lame because it’s like the same excuse all the time. So… but, you know, like I say, recently there was a time like two years ago where I was just like I wanted to be a mountain climber my whole life. But like, the way you have to maneuver your body to climb mountains is just not a thing I can do. A few years ago, I was supposed to climb this mountain with my ex-boyfriend that I couldn’t make it to the top. And like for like a month after that, he was just kind of like, ‘Remember when we could have done this thing?’ So after I healed up after February, my friends took me to climb the same mountain and they took stops every hour so I could breathe and, like, you know, like stretch everything out. We made it to the top and that was pretty cool. Like that. Like for every person in my life that’s been kind of crappy about me being in too much pain to do stuff, there’s even more people who have been like able to work around and like help, like physically carry me up a mountain so I can, like, get up there like I’ve always wanted to. Which was pretty cool.

[00:16:25] CHRIS: Yeah. And you just wanted to climb. You don’t want to be like a professional mountain climber. You just wanted to climb…

[00:16:32] CALLER: I just wanted to get to the top. Yeah.

[00:16:36] CHRIS: Isn’t everything? Are there professional mountain climbers sort of thing you can do, you know?

[00:16:40] CALLER: I guess so. So I when l, I don’t know, like eight years ago I worked for National Geographic and I was just an intern there. And you know, and I was still in pain at the time. And like this, a bunch of people would come back because they just got it out like National Geographic Adventure of the Year. So there were like all these guys who like for a living, they just like, climb Mt. Everest. And I was just sitting there, like, ‘OK,’ I mean, you know, ‘I can’t even really get out from behind my desk, but this is really cool.’ And then, like, I just thought that was [a] really cool, admirable thing. And the way they talked about it, like, I was like push themselves to climb mountains was crazy. So I just kind of made that a goal, even though I was kind of a crazy stretch goal.

[00:17:20] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:17:21] CALLER: I don’t know. It was cool being surrounded by all these people that could push themselves past their limits when, like, I felt really, really limited.

[00:17:28] CHRIS: Yeah. That’s amazing. And that’s that’s amazing that your friends stepped up when your boyfriend was such a shithead.

[00:17:34] CALLER: Yeah, ex-boyfriend. I think they’re very similar reasons. But yeah. It was, it was cool. And then I got obsessed with mountain climbing. Like that the year that I was there. Yeah. There was a guy who just like snuck onto Mt. Everest, climbed to the top and then like parachuted down and then kayaks out to the Indian Ocean, which is like so in… I don’t want to do that or anything. But it was so crazy that I got obsessed with people who like do insane things like that.

[00:18:06] CHRIS: What? What are these other insane things?

[00:18:10] CALLER: Just like there are people. I was reading this crazy thing about like people who have like, I think swam in ocean or swam across like oceans for fun. And like people just you know, I just think like sneaking up Mt. Everest and then paragliding down, it’s kind of crazy. And like the guy who went with him was like chain-smoking at the top, which is like, all right. Like that. That’s a way to show, show mountains who’s boss, I guess.

[00:18:40] CHRIS: Yeah. Those guys were actively disrespecting nature the whole time.

[00:18:43] CALLER: Yeah. I mean them disrespecting nature wasn’t that cool, but it was like to me at the time when I was like a teen in college and was in like perpetual pain and couldn’t really get out much. It was cool to like be around people who had that ability.

[00:18:58] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:18:59]  CALLER: I would just like, fuck it. I can climb the mountain. Whatever, man.

[00:19:02] CHRIS: Yeah, it’s badass.

[00:19:03] CALLER: Or people who just like swim the English Channel for fun. I don’t. It sounds awful.

[00:19:08] CHRIS: You known one of the craziest ones?You ever see those videos, it was people who wear those like they almost look like flying squirrels. They get those things…

[00:19:16] CALLER: Oh my gosh yes.

[00:19:17] CHRIS: And then you read it. Those videos look so cool. And then you read about it. And that’s like the most dangerous thing a human can do?

[00:19:24] CALLER: Yeah, it’s basically like putting some spandex on your back and calling yourself Batman and jumping off of stuff. It’s like, it’s so, it it stresses me out, but it’s pretty cool.

[00:19:32] CHRIS: Yeah. Wingsuit. Wingsuit. Super dangerous…

[00:19:39] CALLER: Yeah, it’s super dangerous. I think I saw a guy, one time I went to go visit a friend in Vermont and a guy was jumping off a cliff with one of those? Like right in front of the highway? And I didn’t… I thought he was committing suicide, I didn’t think he was doing adventure sports? I almost drove off the road because I… And then the person actually was like, ‘What?’ Like, ‘People do this all the time.’ And I was like, ‘That’s not okay.’ Like, ‘They should call somebody.’ And then he was like, ‘No, like, it’s a gliding thing. Is this [???] Calm down.’ Yeah.

[00:20:15] CHRIS: He thought you were witnessing a tragedy, but you were just which witnessed someone taking it to the extreme.

[00:20:21] CALLER: Yeah, he wasn’t following, he was flying. Yeah. Yeah. I completely forgot about that until just now. I’d buried it. I think.

[00:20:30] CHRIS: Yeah. You got bigger things on your mind than wingsuit stuff.

[00:20:34] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:20:35] CHRIS: So I feel like I want to alternate between asking you questions about what’s going on, and then distracting you with chitchat such as what we just did. Is that OK if I bounce back and forth?

[00:20:45] CALLER: Yes. Yeah it’s totally fine.

[00:20:46] CHRIS: So how many treatments do they anticipate? Like how long is this chemo process going to go?

[00:20:52] CALLER: Probably just four months. But it’s weird. It’s like an implant that they do. Like it’s low dose. So it’s an implant that they’re… I don’t know where it’s going. I guess I should have asked, but. And they think it’s going to be for four months? But it might be longer. And yeah, I mean, I don’t really know much about it. I tried to start doing research, but then it got too much. So I, you know, ’cause everybody is different. So researching is kind of insane. Like me and my grandpa had a good bonding experience over the fact that he has prostate cancer and he’s going to be on the same chemo, which was not exactly what I wanted to bond over. So… Actually, he was also the one who suggested we got my sister one of those like ornaments you put your ultrasounds in because she’s pregnant. And they got me an extra one to put in my ultrasound of my tumor where we couldn’t figure out if it was too dark or not.

[00:21:46] CHRIS: I like how you I like how your family rolls. I like that.

[00:21:50] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:21:52] CHRIS: That’s a nice… So everybody’s getting ultrasounds for a variety of happy and/or horrible reasons.

[00:21:58] CALLER: Yeah. No, it’s, you know, and frames were on sale ’cause after Christmas so we could all be included, which is important.

[00:22:06] CHRIS: Wow. And what’s the, I mean you sound nervous. You’ve expressed some fear. You also sound like you really have it together. Have they given you like like I mean, if you’re if you’re getting chemo, this means it is something that’s threatening, right? Like, is this something we…

[00:22:24] CALLER: Yes. It was pressing on my spine and my legs were hurting, but I thought that’s just because I hadn’t exercised in months? Which I feel like it’s going to stress people out. My legs have been hurting and like I had been in a lot of pain. And like my clothes weren’t fitting anymore because my stomach was puffy and I just assumed I’d gained weight. My legs were hurting, but it was just a tumor. So… Which is strangely relieving in a horrible beauty-matters kind of way. But also just not what I expected at all. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. My job’s been nice enough to give me some time off of work ’cause I went to the doctor’s appointment during work and I came back crying. It was like, ‘I think I need to not come in tomorrow.’ And they were like, ‘What is going on? You know what? We’re not even going to ask. Take your stuff. Go home. It’s OK.’ They’ve been really nice about checking in. And I’ve got, you know, I’ve got so many friends who have been checking in all week to see how I’m like emotionally holding up, kind of like, I think for everybody who’s ever called into in the show, I suffer from like really, really bad, like lifelong depression. And I’ve been, you know, seeing a therapist and they know that mental health is a struggle for me. They’ve been calling to check in to make sure. But like, you know, even my therapist, like I had therapy right after work that day and she was like, ‘Wow, that’s a lot. Let’s get to an extra session.’ Which is nice. Like, she like, found time to, like, talk to me about it ’cause she knew it was life changing. So I feel like for everything that’s been kind of a setback, there’s been another person in my life to helping me go the extra mile to be emotionally OK with what’s going on…

[00:24:07] CHRIS: That’s cool.

[00:24:09] CALLER: … which I don’t think a lot of people have it and I’m super grateful for.

[00:24:10] CHRIS: That’s very cool to have that infrastructure. And physically like you. Is this just you got to go get this over with and then you’ll be fine? Or like, is this, is this the thing that could threaten your life?

[00:24:20] CALLER: I mean, it’s… They don’t think it’s going to be life threatening, they just think it’s going to make me really uncomfortable or like there’s a potential that like if it grows on my legs, like it could like make it so I can’t walk. But if they do, they don’t really care about any of those side effects. When they’re telling me about it. They’re mostly like, ‘You’ll have breast atrophy and will have a decreased sex drive.’ And I was like, ‘I really think I’m fine with these things for now. That’s not really…’ I mean, I was a little I got really upset today because I feel like if my hair falls out, I’d be a little sad, or if I got bad acne, I’d be a little sad. But they were like, ‘You’re not going to want to have sex anymore and your boobs will get small.’ And I was like, ‘I really don’t think that those are priorities for me right now? But thank you.’

[00:25:04] CHRIS: But, you know, I’m going to say I’ve talked to a lot of people –  and my job has become talking to people – I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve ever talk to somebody with a greater disparity between current life situation and chipper-ness. You’re awfully chipper for somebody who’s about two hours and fifteen minutes away from getting chemotherapy first time. Is that denial? Or is that just, you were blessed with a good personality?

[00:25:35] CALLER: Oh thank you. I think it’s mostly denial. I think…

[00:25:40] CHRIS: I get that.

[00:25:46] CALLER: It’s, well, I also got my wisdom teeth out on Monday so I just…

[00:25:50] CHRIS: Oh come on! What are you talking about?

[00:25:54] CALLER: I know. I know. So at a certain point, you’re like, you know that on that I couldn’t eat solid food or anything. Now I can eat solid food and like you can technically drink on chemotherapy. So I can still have what the kids call ‘fun’ if I feel like drinking, which I rarely do. But like I can still do things and like, honestly, at this point, I’m excited to just like not be in pain, like if it could help me and not be in pain, then that’s cool.

[00:26:19] CHRIS: Of course.

[00:26:21] CALLER: And I guess some of my friends have their, they’ve already got plans in motion. They’re like, ‘Once you’re done with this chemo, we’re all gonna get friendship tattoos. We’re all gonna shave our heads.’ And like all this stuff that’s completely unnecessary, but keeps me going throughout the day. And like, you know, all of their tattoo ideas range from like a chemo, chemo, chemo, chemo, chemo, chameleon, which is the worst idea or just like, I don’t know, like one of my friends was just suggesting we all get tattoos of an ovary and I think that’s awful.

[00:26:49] CHRIS: We’re not. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Chemo, chemo, chemo, chemo, chemo, chameleon!

[00:26:57] CALLER: It comes and goes.

[00:27:00] CHRIS: Oh, you gotta… You gotta make sure that happens. You got to make sure someone just get that on their body permanently for me. I can’t. I can’t. We have 40 minutes left. I’ll spend all those 40 minutes begging. Please, please pull that friend aside. Take their hands into your own, look them deeply in the eye and say, ‘You know how much that would really mean to me.’ Because they can’t say no to you. If you claim it would mean a lot to you, they have to do it. You got a tumor. They can’t. They can’t be like. Oh no. I’m going to bail on the bit. You have to be like, ‘No, that… That’s my favorite song.’

[00:27:34] CALLER: A bit, that’ll help.

[00:27:35] CHRIS: Yeah. Commit, commit to your bit. But Chemo Chemo Chemo Chameleon. It comes and goes.

[00:27:45] [AD BREAK] 

[00:31:10] CHRIS: Chemo chemo chemo Chameleon. It comes and goes. Tattoos of ovaries on yourself as well. Also, a lot to explain. A lot to explain.

[00:31:21] CALLER: Well, the pros for one was that, I thought that that was a bit of an overreaction. I’m just going to laugh at that one myself.

[00:31:34] CHRIS: Hold on. Hold on. That’s perhaps, that’s perhaps the best and most inappropriate dad joke that you could have made there.

[00:31:43] CALLER: Yeah. Oh I know.

[00:31:45] CHRIS: An overreaction.

[00:31:50] CALLER: I think the concept of premature baldness has left me predisposed to dad jokes.

[00:31:54] CHRIS: How are you killing it? How are you killing it comedically this hard while also having…

[00:32:01] CALLER: No, I wish I could bottle it up!

[00:32:04] CHRIS: This is the ultimate…

[00:32:05] CALLER: I know I won’t feel this way tomorrow.

[00:32:06] CHRIS: We really are listening to… this has been 20 minutes of person in such denial that they can act like a Borscht Belt comedian, when later this afternoon they’ll be going undergoing a massive, terrifying life change.

[00:32:18] CALLER: I don’t know what a Borscht Belt comedian but I appreciate…

[00:32:21] CHRIS: The Borscht Belt was like a… like the older the old school, like like I think it was a lot of Jewish comedians many decades ago would like go out to the Catskills and put out the shows at resorts…

[00:32:35]  CALLER: Oh borst.

[00:32:36] CHRIS: But it was like, yeah, like real snappy jokes. ‘Take my wife, please’-type of stuff.

[00:32:42] CALLER: Oh, no, no.

[00:32:45] CHRIS: That’s a compliment, I’m giving you a compliment.

[00:32:47] CALLER: Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[00:32:48] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:32:50] CALLER: Yeah. I wish I could remember any of the other ones, but there’s no, uh there was a bad one about, like, ‘Not On My End-endometriosis’, like that’s a bad t-shirt, not a tattoo. Because tattoos with words on it aren’t as exciting, I think, as really crude drawings of a chemo chameleon.

[00:33:19] CHRIS: Wow. So you in your Friday night. Well, what are you doing this Friday? ‘You know, I’m going to leave work early, get a little chemo, go out and party with my friends, maybe get fucked up because I still can on chemo.’

[00:33:33] CALLER: Well, it feels bad because one of, there’s a group chat where my friends talking about her plans. And some of my friends were like, ‘Oh, you know, like it’s snowed out, I don’t think I can make it.’ And I was like, yeah. And not everything that I was like. ‘I’m getting chemo right before so I might be late.’ And then there was a silence in the group chat. People were like, ‘Yeah, you know, I think I can call a cab and maybe meet you guys over there. It’s not too far.’ It just it feels accidentally petty. Chemo is accidentally very petty.

[00:34:01] CHRIS: Accidentally petty. Like you can’t bring it up like people feel so much for you. And people react so strongly emotionally that you can’t bring it up in a casual way because people don’t react casually.

[00:34:13] CALLER: Yeah. When I was taking a bus to visit my parents for the holidays. And there was a very aggressive woman sitting next to me on the bus. It was like a 10-hour bus ride or something. And during that time, my sister called me and was like, kind of, she was like, ‘Oh, I didn’t get your Christmas card yet.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, I sent it out, it should be there before Christmas.’ And then she asked me what was going on. I said, ‘Oh, I don’t know if mom and dad told you about the chemo thing,’ which I didn’t mean to make her feel bad about it. And then the woman next to me, when I got off the phone, gave me a bunch of space and then spent the whole time apologizing, just being like, ‘You know what? Like, I’m so sorry. Like, I, you know, I just thought, I just figured, you know, another white girl on the bus…’ And I was like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s OK. Like, it’s not a big deal.’ Like, it was a strange thing for her to say. But I’m like over the course of the… I think we had like 6 hours left in the bus trip. She, like, told me her star sign, and we we were talking about books we were reading. She was like a really sweet woman who, you know, apparently, like she was traveling to visit her friend who had Stage 4 cancer and she wanted to visit her before the holidays were over. And it’s just like it was a complete 180, which was nice. But I was also like, I feel bad that I guilt tripped this woman into talking to me for the rest of this bus trip.

[00:35:34] CHRIS: Was this a Greyhound bus? Are we talking about a Greyhound?

[00:35:37] CALLER: Yeah. It’s like one of those.

[00:35:40] CHRIS: What do you mean it’s like one of those?

[00:35:42] CALLER: It was like a like a sketchy Greyhound bus, like one of the…

[00:35:45] CHRIS: Wasn’t that just a Greyhound? Isn’t sketchy Greyhound just Greyhound?

[00:35:52] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah, it’s true. Yeah, she, it was. It was like 7 in the morning, too. And she, I don’t know, she was very aggressive, but I guess she was going through things too, which I guess goes to show you people are aggressive sometimes you’re going through their friends dying of stage 4 cancer. So she even like gave me her number and told me to look her up when we’re back in the same city, which was nice. I think we might actually go out and get a coffee sometime. I guess she’s a teacher and she was having a bad time at work and she just they wouldn’t give her off. So she just decided to leave, and she didn’t know if she was coming back to a job, which was, it was just a lot. It was a very long bus trip.

[00:36:37] CHRIS: Yeah. I’ve never had a conversation on a bus that wasn’t completely intense. You either have no conversation, or super intense conversation.

[00:36:49] CALLER: Yeah, there was one time I took a bus where a woman was eating a newspaper for pretty much the entire trip.

 [00:36:58] CHRIS: What are you talking about?

[00:36:59] CALLER: Which was a lot. She just been eating this newspaper… Yeah.

[00:37:05] CHRIS: Like a Wall Street Journal?

[00:37:07] CALLER: No, I didn’t exactly see what newspaper it was. I think it would be disparaging if I were to say what newspaper was being eaten by this woman on the bus.

[00:37:17] CHRIS: Wow. I just I took an Amtrak, like an Amtrak all the way from New York City to Orlando, but I stopped in Savannah. This was before the…

[00:37:28] CALLER: Jeez.

[00:37:29] CHRIS:   I tell ya, Amtrak conversations. That’s a whole… Oh! Oh, Amtrak conversations are a real… I mean, I…

[00:37:38] CALLER: Why?

[00:37:39] CHRIS: Well, let’s see. Where do I… So on the way down when I went to Savannah, New York City to Savannah. It’s a long trip. I got myself a sleeper car. Treated myself right. I’m working on a book right now.

[00:37:49] CALLER: Nice. Nice!

[00:37:50] CHRIS: Stayed up all night writing. Felt like real romantic Americana.

[00:37:53] CALLER: American Dream.

[00:37:54] CHRIS: Exactly. Americana riding the rails. Being creative.

[00:37:58] CALLER: Did you dramatically gaze out the window…

[00:38:01] CHRIS: A couple of times.

[00:38:01] CALLER: … for like an hour or two? Nice.

[00:38:02] CHRIS: Yeah it was overnight, so it was dark. And then I went to Savannah. Had never been, amazing. City mind-blowing City don’t really know anybody there. Spent two days just writing like 8, 10 hours a day. Then I went to take the bus from Savannah down to Florida where my folks are. And I didn’t get a sleeper car, so I didn’t have privacy. And it became nuts fast. Really nuts. People telling me horrific stories of abuse they’ve endured. And I mean people…

[00:38:33] CALLER: What?

[00:38:34] CHRIS: … who hadn’t even said hello yet. And then one of the, one of the women who is telling me about all this stuff recognized me and realized she’d see me on TV and then took out her phone, took a picture of me, just me. And then said, ‘Hey, this is a good picture of you. Give me your number and I’ll text it to you.’ And I had to look her in the eyes, I had to look her in the eyes and said, ‘I’m, I’m not giving you my phone number. Can’t do that.’

[00:39:00] CALLER: Oh, Jesus.

[00:39:02] CHRIS: Everything you’ve said so far, has been unhinged. We’re Amtrak people. We’re Amtrak people! We’re not looking for relationships. We’re people who hide in the shadows, we lurk in the shadows. We don’t want to go through the security screening. We don’t want to make it to an airport. We want to go to a terminal, a dupo. gonna slink back into the shadows from whence we came, we’re train trash!

[00:39:31] CALLER: They’re friends with the other side of the tracks. I don’t know what that means. I think I heard that in a movie once.

[00:39:38] CHRIS: I actually actually really liked the train ride. It’s great. It’s pretty great.

[00:39:41] CALLER: Yeah. That sounds wonderful. I know the buses, the buses, a similar thing where it’s the kind of people who feel that giving up a certain degree of comfort in order to save like $200 should take a bus is fine because the seats are tiny ’cause everybody has their seat back. Oh, and before I got on the bus, the guy said, the guy, the conductor? I don’t know.That guy was like, ‘We have a record number of kids on the bus today.’

[00:40:06] CHRIS: Weird thing to point out, bus driver. Weird thing for a bus driver to say. What was his tone of voice? That’s a lot different if he’s like [cheerful voice], ‘Everybody. Fun fact: Record number of kids on the bus today.’ Or if he’s like [low breathy voice], ‘Hey, everybody, we’ve got a record number of kids on the bus today.’

[00:40:23] CALLER: I think who is enthusiastic about the holidays. But what he pointed out to me was this is going to be a loud trips during which I will sleep not at all.

[00:40:30] CHRIS: Oh, yeah. The practical side of that. Yeah. Not good. I took a shower on the Amtrak train. I took a shower on the train!

[00:40:38] CALLER: What? Haha. Ugh.

[00:40:40] CHRIS: Yeah. I didn’t know I didn’t know that the sleeper car, each sleeper car, you can get like a, you can get there’s like a top tier thing that has a shower in your room, which I didn’t want to get that.

[00:40:50] CALLER: What?

[00:40:51] CHRIS: Yeah. ‘Cause it’s like a thousand bucks.

[00:40:52] CALLER: Did you have a wet seat?

[00:40:55] CHRIS: I mean I don’t think…

[00:40:55] CALLER: I’m confused about the logistics.

[00:40:56] CHRIS: No. There’s a separate little shower booths in some of the rooms. So it doesn’t just spray willy nilly all over the whole room.

[00:41:04] CALLER: I thought it was like you have the option of turning on the fire sprinkler and using it as a shower.

[00:41:09] CHRIS: No, no, no. It’s got its own little enclosure. It’s not standing [???]… You’re not paying extra to live in the heart of Sandy [???]. No, but then I felt, so I didn’t get one of those top line ones. I got one of the middle grade ones. But I’m very OCD about showering. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this on the show before: I’m very weird relationship with showering. It’s one of the reflections of my mental illness that I haven’t been able to shake. I need to shower. I feel like if I don’t shower before I leave the house, that everyone I see and talk to, even passing them on the street, is staring at me, thinking I’m dirty. It’s a weird thing that…

[00:41:46] CALLER: Oh, I have the same thing. That was one of the reasons I was seeing a therapist, actually, because it used to be a thing where if I touch somebody else’s phone or grab the, one of the like a public transportation, like a bus thing? The bus hooks I guess? I would have to go home and shower. Or like all day I felt like I couldn’t touch anything else. My friend used to joke, like – this is horrible – my friends used to joke that I only ever like when I was dating that I would only ever have sex like I could force the other person to shower afterwards because I have to take a shower.

[00:42:23] CHRIS: Yeah, I can’t. I can’t.

[00:42:24] CALLER: They’re not… wrong.

[00:42:25] CHRIS: I grew up in the bad side of town. I grew up in a town that’s very divided place and I grew up down the hill. And I think I just always have had this weird complex about people thinking I’m dirty. I can’t believe I even used the phrase ‘train trash’ as a joke because I’ve always had a real problem with people calling each other ‘trash’ because I was from that side of town. So I want to be clean at all times.

[00:42:44] CALLER: Yes.

[00:42:45] CHRIS: Anyway. Okay. That was a distraction part where we talked about bus and train travel. Now. How’s your, where what’s your living situation? You live on your own? You live with the family? Live with the boyfriend? Who do you live with?

[00:42:58] CALLER: I live with three other roommates. I just had a very toxic, abusive roommate move out. So now my space is very clean. I had a professional covenant [???] sage it. It was that bad. It’s a place that is haunted so I have not been there in a few days because I can’t deal with that right now.

[00:43:16] CHRIS: So wow [???] You’re talking about it’s haunted. Telling me about, you know, three other people in a haunted house. You got to recover from chemo. Not an ideal environment. It’s kind of haunting..

[00:43:29]  CALLER: I know. Well, he’s a friendly property value, lower [???] ghost, not a belligerent spirit, I think. When we moved in, I guess the apartment had never been lived in before, like we were the first tenants in there. And when I asked the landlord, I said, ‘OK, well, what do we put on the mail?’ He said, ‘Oh, the garden apartment.’ [???] I was like, ‘Yeah, that’s not real. What’s the actual name of this apartment like? What did the people before this call it?’ And he said, ‘Oh, no one lives here for 35 years. We found this like a year and a half ago when we’re renovating the building. A guy killed himself in it before this. Oh, I should probably disclose to you, or I have to disclose to you that it’s haunted, so it’s been a little hard to rent out.’ And I was like, ‘Yeah. This is what I spent all of my teen years and all of that eyeliner waiting for.’ So we got like a super cheap apartment. So, like, we have a backyard. And like, I live with three very nice people now. But occasionally all the faucets turn on? One time someone came over and was talking, talking shit about our ghost and the ceiling collapsed at that exact moment.

[00:44:32] CHRIS: What are you talking about this time?

[00:44:36] CALLER: I know, I know. I know…

[00:44:39] CHRIS: … a house that the realtor told you was haunted. Where are you staying…

[00:44:42] CALLER: Yeah, it was

[00:44:42] CHRIS: … post-chemo? You can’t be staying in the haunted house post-chemo.

[00:44:45] CALLER: No, I’m not.

[00:44:46] CHRIS: … is a sentence I never thought I’d have to say, ‘Hey, when you’re recovering from chemo, don’t stay in the haunted house.’

[00:44:51] CALLER: Yeah. No, no ghosts after chemo. You can drink, but you can’t have ghosts.

[00:44:55] CHRIS: Yeah, You staying with family?

[00:44:58] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:44:59] CHRIS: That’s good.

[00:45:00] CALLER: I’m staying with family who doesn’t live too far away.

[00:45:01] CHRIS: Good. Good, good, good. How do you find a professional sage person? How do you look that up?

[00:45:09] CALLER: My friends. Oh. There was these signs. Oh, geez I’m about… I don’t want to give away with city I live in because the signs had the name of city on it and there was a really good ghost pun on signs over the city I live in. So I emailed the person to ask them what their deal was just because I was curious. And through that, I met a really good friend who had posted all of these as a joke. But then she actually got into a lot of, she got into a lot of like witchcraft and got really into that community. So she said that she knew somebody who could come over and sage my apartment like really well. And I was like, ‘OK, sure, why not? I don’t have anything going on today.’ So this person came over and, like, and I don’t know. They saged my apartment. That was basically it. They just burnt some sage and walked around the whole apartment, which I didn’t really think you needed to be a professional, but I don’t know. She had a business card.

[00:46:10] CHRIS: Did she say she felt some… Did she say she felt some presences?

[00:46:14] CALLER: Yeah. She was like, well, she was mostly like, ‘This place has a bad vibe.’ That was pretty much the only thing she said. I was like, ‘Oh, thanks.’ But we also didn’t have any furniture at the time ’cause my roommate moved out with all the furniture so she just sort had a bad vibe. And then later she just watched TV with us and it was really relaxing and kind of nice. And now she’s a friend of mine.

[00:46:36] CHRIS: OK, what are you talking.. Okay. Wait, so you said you live on the East Coast. You said that you found people who are posting paranormal pun-related signs that, excuse me, that attracted you to them. Can I make some guesses? Can I make some guesses?

[00:46:54] CALLER: If you want to.

[00:46:57] CHRIS: Boo-ston, Massachusetts.

[00:47:01] CALLER: I’m not sure if I can confirm or deny anything I just think that’s a really good pun.

[00:47:01] CHRIS: Boo-ltimore, Maryland. Is it Boo-ltimore, Maryland?

[00:47:13] CALLER: Minnea-poltergeists? No. And an apple poltergeist. I don’t know. I don’t have a good one for this

[00:47:19] CHRIS: Washington D.C. that ghost in-my-apartment?

[00:47:27] CALLER: No. Close, though.

[00:47:31] CHRIS: OK. wait. Let’s see.

[00:47:36] CALLER: It’s not. It’s a fine place. It’s a fun place. There’s a nice, there’s a nice shower and I refused to leave. I’m pretty sure when I’m recovering from chemo later in my life, like when after like a few weeks, I’m going to really appreciate like taking a really nice, steamy shower. And then if a spirit happens to pop up, I think chemo’s scarier than ghosts anyway. So, you know, I ain’t afraid of no ghosts. I think in this particular instance.

[00:48:03] CHRIS: Charleston’s-of-ghosts, South Carolina!

[00:48:14] CALLER: That one’s pretty good, actually, that was pretty awful but I like it.

[00:48:17] CHRIS: Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Well…

[00:48:25] CALLER: They’re going to be Trenton-of-ghosts.Yeah.

[00:48:26] CHRIS: Trenton. If you live in  New Jersey’s capital: Trenton-of-ghosts, New Jersey. Wait. Yeah. Phila-spell-phia, no, that was bad.

[00:48:44] CALLER: Phila-spell-phia? Ew.

[00:48:47] CHRIS: Well, hey, I’m trying my hardest here on the spot. OK?

[00:48:50] CALLER: I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You know, l work it now. Well,

[00:48:54] CHRIS: … I nailed Boo-ltimore, Boo-ston.

[00:48:57] CALLER: Yeah Boo-ltimore was pretty good. Can’t think of any other good ones.

[00:49:01] CHRIS: That’s okay. We don’t have..

[00:49:06] CALLER: Tam-paranormal, Florida…

[00:49:07] CHRIS: Tam-paranormal, Florida…

[00:49:08] CALLER: There was a stretch.

[00:49:09] CHRIS: There was a stretch. It was a stretch. It was four times as long as the name of the city. But that’s OK. That’s OK.

[00:49:15] CALLER Let’s look at what I got right now.

[00:49:16] CHRIS: I feel like I’ve managed to successfully distract you from your current state of things by talking about…

[00:49:21] CALLER: Yes, absolutely.

[00:49:22]  CHRIS: … really a while. No.w OK. You’re young. Real scary things happened. You’ve already been dealing with a condition. It’s led to this. What? How many hours till we go in? It’s 3:15pm right now. Well.

[00:49:45] CALLER: Well yeah it starts at 6:00, but it’s a little far. It’s kind of outside of the the train situation. So I have to… It’s gonna be a long drive.

[00:49:57] CHRIS: Gonna drive over there.

[00:49:59] CALLER: Yeah. But it’s OK. I’ve got I’ve got friends who are meeting me afterwards, I’ve got a friend who might meet me there. And I feel pretty positively that I’m at least going to have a hand to hold when they’re doing it.

[00:50:13] CHRIS: That’s great. You got good friends, huh?

[00:50:15] CALLER: Yeah, I really do, they do. They’ve helped me through, they’ve helped me through so much. And they’ve been really understanding of pretty much every weird thing I’ve thrown at them. So, you know, I think, I don’t know, there’s a kind of people who make me feel good about the place I’m at my life. They make me feel really good about, like the journey that I’ve gone down and like to make me feel better about, like they’re kind of friends who call me to remind me to go to therapy, like if I’m having a bad day.

[00:50:40] CHRIS: That’s nice. That’s good to have those people.

[00:50:43] CALLER: Yeah, they’ve helped me do like a lot of like scary… weird dauntsome [sic] stuff before. So I feel pretty good about about this. You know, like they they’ve helped me like figure out like my identity, they’ve helped me like figure out that there’s certain things that I cannot wear without looking like a potato, you know? They, I don’t know, they’re just they really been there for me through the worst stuff.

[00:51:09] [AD BREAK]

[00:53:06] CALLER: They, I don’t know, they’re just they really been there for me through the worst stuff. You know, my friend got me, my friend who…

[00:53:12] CHRIS: What were you wearing?

[00:53:18] CALLER: I’m pretty sure I answered the door once in a in a towel that I put a belt over because I didn’t look like I was naked under the towel. But I don’t know why I thought that that would help. I had to go quick ’cause I was in the shower and I didn’t realize that my friends were early. I think I’ve worn worse things, though. I’ve worn.. We play a game or you go to the thrift store and you find the ugliest thing you possibly can. But I feel like nine times out of ten when they go to the thrift store, I always want the ugliest thing they can find because it’s weird? And usually pretty comfortable. I feel that like strange things that you find at thrift stores are rarely uncomfortable.

[00:53:56] CHRIS: So you thought a belt over a towel was going to trick them into thinking that was clothes.

[00:54:01] CALLER: Well, ’cause, I don’t know. Like early I ordered delivery. When I went to the door to get the delivery guy was wearing a I was just wearing a jacket that I zipped up because I didn’t feel like putting on clothes quite yet. And he doesn’t. He gave me a look. He was like, ‘We both know you’re just hanging out…’ Like not not in a creepy way. But he just gave me a good knowing look like, ‘Nice. You’re home from work. You deserve to be naked in your apartment alone.’ I don’t know. It didn’t feel weird, but it was one of those things. Where I was like, man, I wish I could have put on socks or something to sell this a little better, but not nudity thing, not that I have a problem with nudity. But at the time it felt like not an appropriate way to answer the door. That or I don’t know. It’s been a very emotionally confusing day.

[00:54:43] CHRIS: I gotcha. You got any other, you got any mountains you’re looking to climb? You got any other adventures you got on the agenda for when this era of life is over?

[00:54:52] CALLER: I don’t know. I haven’t really. I haven’t really been able to afford to travel in my life. But I just recently started dating somebody who I told, I made them read a bunch of books about mountain climbers. And there’s a bunch of circuits you can do and like northern Scotland that are like pretty they’re not like mountains, they’re more like hills, but you can have they’re long treks and it’s less uphill. So because there’s less climbing up those pressure on the summit. So it’s a lot it’s a lot easier. So I don’t know, I haven’t really made any plans because I feel like I just want to see where I’m at, which is, I guess, a boring answer. But it just like, you know, it’s gonna be expensive, too. So I can’t really like I can’t really plan for any like expensive trips because I feel like it just let me down when I get there. I haven’t really left the East Coast my whole life. So like the idea of maybe going to a different place is, like even going like just I don’t know, even going to the West Coast would be really cool at this point. Like I haven’t even really seen mountains before. So it’ll be a cool thing. Like once I’m done and like once the doctor approves me to be able to travel, just being able to visit friends like in Seattle or something would be really cool.

[00:56:05] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. And what?

[00:56:09] CALLER: I’m sorry. I called to mope about chemo.

[00:56:12] CHRIS: No, you haven’t really moped. I feel like I almost feel bad because I feel like you’ve actually been so positive. And I got so many questions about it, but I’m like hitting a crossroad, I don’t know if I want to drag you in, to just moping or being sad about the sad thing when…

[00:56:26] CALLER: No, it’s okay.

[00:56:27] CHRIS: … you’re actually in such good spirits, you know?

[00:56:28] CALLER: Yeah. I feel like I’m just in good spirits right now. You know, eventually it’ll stress me out. But even things like. I was just reading. I made the mistake of like one that I was really stressed out about it, ’cause my mom called me and she was scared. She was like, ‘I didn’t want to ask you questions, but I feel like I have to because, you know, it’s coming up soon and I’m scared.’ And having your mom call you and tell you she’s scared is, you know, terrifying. So I ended up doing some research. I had like I had to for my mom so she would calm down and look, again most of the side effects. Like sure, ‘You can lose your hair.’ Well, I have wigs. Well, ‘You won’t have a sex drive.’ Well, I’m asexual. So it’s like not going to affect me at all. Or like ‘You could gain or lose weight.’ You know, like I can always belt a towel. So I really there’s nothing I feel like that can only be positives from here. Like being in pain, like your whole life just sucks. Like having to explain to people all the time that, like, I can’t do things because the pain is just the worst. So like you like the fact that there’s someone who you think cares enough to like try and like stop that pain or like help me through, it is like really positive for me.

[00:57:43] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. That’s pretty beautiful. Why do you own so many wigs? Why are you own so many wigs? You’ve mentioned a few times throughout this call that you own a lot of wigs, for the third or fourth time you’ve mentioned it. What’s with the wigs?

[00:57:56] CALLER: I… Back in college, I built a lot of costumes for people for like plays or like if they were like shooting student films or something. I just ended up becoming that person ’cause I was the only person there who really knew how to make costumes. Even though I didn’t really know how, it was kind of a ‘lying on your resumé’ thing. So I just have bits and pieces from old sets that I’ve done for people. So, I just have a bunch of wigs and sometimes just sometimes it’s just nice to wear them and like not feel like you’re… especially like when I’m really when I’m feeling really stressed out or depressed, it’s kind of like, I have a lot of friends who do drag and they’ve mentioned that sometimes when they’re feeling bad, they just like, you know, ‘You put a wig on and then you’re not yourself for a few hours.’ And it’s easier to forget, like things that are stressing you out when you can just pretend to be somebody else, even if it’s just changing your hair.

[00:58:53] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s a good answer. It’s a good thorough answer that I wasn’t anticipating.

[00:59:00] CALLER: Yeah. So I guess I’m prepped for that part, which is nice and a bunch of like rich film students, bought the wigs too, ’cause they were like, ‘Oh yeah, my wig budget is $500 for my movie.’ And I was like, ‘What? OK. All right. I’ll take it. Whatever. You mean I can keep these? That’s great!’ So haha joke’s on them. So, you know, I have all these things. And I feel I feel pretty prepared, which I don’t really think you can be prepared for chemo, but I feel pretty prepared, all things considered.

[00:59:30] CHRIS: And what is chemo? My understanding is they’re actually poisoning. It’s poison, right?

[00:59:36] CALLER: Well, it’s different for everybody. There’s different kinds. This one is kind of like, it’s kind of like poison. From what I understand of it, it’s just like shutting down certain processes in my body so that like the tumor doesn’t get bigger? Like I’m hoping it’ll shrink the tumor by like basically inversing [sic]  the body’s natural, the way it works. So the specific one I’m getting is the, I think, well it’s different because I guess there’s chemo and radiation. So but I’m not doing the radiation part. I don’t think, and that, I don’t know. I wish I knew more about it. I was kind of just waiting to have the doctor tell me, like, what the whole thing’s gonna be like, because I felt like if I googled what exactly was gonna happen, it would stress me out.

[01:00:23] CHRIS: Yeah. You don’t need to do that, only let anybody listening google as much as they please. You don’t need to google it. Nothing worse than googling the medical procedure that you’re about to have.

[01:00:35] CALLER: No, no, it’s the worst. It’s absolutely the worst. Because, of course, like the first thing that popped up the first time you googled, it was like someone doing a Reddit A.M.A. about like, ‘I was on this specific chemo and I felt like I was going to die. And my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore. And I’m ugly and I don’t have hair and like my body is no longer mine.’ All this stuff now is like, ‘OK, we’re just going to pump the brakes. Put that one in neutral. You cannot go back on that tab.’ Yeah, it uh. So I think that’s just like a general good piece of advice is like it’s so tempting, like googling illnesses is like the forbidden fruit for me. Like, I just, I don’t do it anymore because like every time I do it, I just get stressed out. So I just stopped. It’s like I feel like the way that people google their exes, though it is the way I like google, like treatments and illnesses that are like treatments that I might be going under. Like I only google it in the dead of night and an incognito window because I’m like ashamed of looking up treatments because I know I’m just doing it to stress myself out. So once I realize it, it’s like basically the same thing. Like, I feel like the same brain processes like googling my ex, my exes, like I just stopped doing it and now I’m cured. I don’t have to like feel tied to my ex-boyfriend.

[01:01:56] CHRIS: We got about 10 minutes left. I want to know the secret, because…

 [01:02:03] CALLER: What’s the secret?

[01:02:05] CHRIS: You tell me! ‘Cause you’re so cheerful. You’ve got a lot of dark stuff going on and you’re just like cheerful and talkative. And I’m, I’m more moody and dark and depressed on a day when I got nothing going on or only good things going on. Then you are right now two and a half hours away from chemo for the first time. So I need to know what the secret is of how you’re uh, how you’re, how you’re maintaining this? Because I find it very impressive. It’s actually kind of stopped me in my tracks.

[01:02:30] CALLER: I think the secret is I’m always sad. I think the secret is I’m always sad.

[01:02:35] CHRIS: You’re always sass? You don’t seem sad.

[01:02:37] CALLER: I’m just so sad.

[01:02:38] CHRIS: What do you mean you’re so sad?

[1:02:40] CALLER: No. So, like I mean, like, just in general, like, I’m just like there’s like there’s just been so many worse things. This is like at least it’s like out of my hands. Like, this isn’t something I did. Right? Like, this is something that I’m dealing with, like instead of like sitting around and being bummed out about it. Like, I actually did something because, like, I feel like for the first like decades of my life, I just didn’t do anything when I was sick or, you know, like bad things would happen and I would just like sit around and not do anything. And now it’s like, you know, like, ‘How did you deal with this over Christmas?’ And I did it like actually, like, signed up for it, did it. And like, I could have canceled my appointments several times today. In fact I did. I canceled it, then rescheduled it probably 80 times. So like, while we’ve been on the phone, my doctors called me which I’m pretty sure is like, ‘Hey, can you stop rescheduling your appointments?’

[01:03:25] CHRIS: What are you doin’?

[01:03:27] CALLER: But I think…

[01:03:28] CHRIS: You got to talk to the doctor!

[01:03:30] CALLER: I don’t know!

[01:03:31] CHRIS: You’ve ignored the doctor to be on my podcast?

[01:03:34] CALLER: Yes! Ugh..

[01:03:36] CHRIS: Don’t get mad at me.

[01:03:38] CALLER: Mom.

[01:03:41] CHRIS: Don’t you know you’re only reacting like that because you know I’m completely correct.

[01:03:42] CALLER: No. I know. I know. See, denial. This is it. This is a masterclass in denial. Correct. So I’m just ignoring these calls for another few minutes.

[01:03:50] CHRIS: You’re going to call your doctor back?

[01:03:51] CALLER: So denial.

[01:03:52] CHRIS: Doctors gonna be all panicky.

[01:03:53] CALLER: No, I’m going to.

[01:03:54] CHRIS: The doctor is gonna be all panicky, like ‘You didn’t pick up the phone and we’re a couple hours out and I don’t know what’s going on.’ You’re gonna be like, ‘Oh, yeah. I was describing bus travel to a 37-year-old nerd in New York city.

[01:4:06] CALLER: Yeah, well…

[01:4:07] CHRIS: Had to let him know what it was like to take a bus. He told me about trains.

[01:04:11] CALLER: Yes. Yeah. And I’ve got a deep fear of trains, which I’m sure my doctor will be happy to hear about because we’re going to be in the same room for quite some time.

[01:04:20] CHRIS: You have a deep fear of trains based on what I said?

[01:04:23] CALLER: No, I don’t actually have a deep fear of trains. I’ve got a deep fear of  being on public transportation for a long period of time. But anyway. No, I think I think it’s really just like, I’ve been through worse. Like I’ve been through so much worse. It’s like I can point out times of my life that have been at like such bad blows where I personally have been a crappy person. And I feel like at the end of the day, like this, crappy thing’s happening, but I’m pretty happy with who I am. Like, I think there’s a lot momentum [???] and for me, it’s the only thing holding me back is health like, you know, which, you know, it has been like my whole life. My health always been holding me back. Like being in constant, invisible pain has always been holding me back. So the fact that there’s like a potential that I could not be in pain is keeps. It’s like a positive thing. It’s like scary. Like, I think there’s a lot of, again, chemos is petty. Like it’s a it’s a petty thing to talk about sometimes. But I think like because of the gravity of it, people for the first time are kind of understanding where I’m coming from. Like when I say like, ‘Hey, I’m in pain, I can’t make it  out tonight.’ People are like, ‘That’s fair. You’re starting chemo soon.’ Or when I tell my job like, ‘I am in so much pain, I can’t sit out.’ They’re like, ‘That’s fair. You should go home, you’re starting chemo.’ And so it’s like kind of a gravity that like people understand as opposed to like having an invisible illness, which is like it’s scary and like people don’t know how to talk about it appropriately. Like, people just assume when you’re in pain, you’re making it up if you say you’re in pain for so many years. So it’s kind of a relief to be able. It sounds shitty, but it’s kind of a relief to be able to say like at least I’m doing something like at least is positive, like at least like momentum. But at least there’s like something that people can kind of understand because people’s seen like movies, and they know that chemo is like for when things are bad! So I don’t know. It’s giving me a shorthand to talk to a lot of people and like it’s giving me a shorthand to be able to like explain to other people how like invisible illnesses work. So, yeah, and like I said, I’ve been I’ve been through I’ve been through way worse. So this is like, you know, this is not the worst thing that’s happened nor will it be the worst thing to happen. So I guess there’s like a little bit of positivity. And they said I can still go out and have fun tonight afterwards. So.

[01:06:33] CHRIS: The doctor signed off on that? That’s not just you? The doctor said go and have fun…

[01:06:37] CALLER: No, that’s not just me. He like raises eyebrows. Yeah, yeah. I have a I have a doctor’s note for a partying.

[01:06:46] CHRIS: The doctor gave you a note that said you have to go party?

[01:06:50] CALLER: No, he said he said I’m allowed to.

[01:06:54] CHRIS: Did he give you like a prescription for two margaritas?

[01:06:55] CALLER: I need 10ccs of party.

1:07:01 CHRIS: Here’s your prescription. Two margaritas. Yeah. Extra salt on the rim.

[01:07:04] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if he’d do that for jokes. Probably not. He’s like a very, very, very intense, intense, like, very like old Polish man. I do not think he would write me a prescription for margaritas but I will certainly ask. I probably don’t even want them. But knowing that it’s like a thing that I can do is like nice. I don’t know.

[01:07:24] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. I really I feel like, first of all, I’m wishing you nothing but luck.

[01:07:36] CALLER: Thank you.

[01:07:37]  CHRIS: Also feel like I don’t know how much you even need it because with an attitude like this, I feel nothing but positivity about your…

[01:07:46] CALLER: Thank you.

[01:07:47] CHRIS: … what you’re entering into.

[01:07:47] CALLER: Yes.

[01:07:48] CALLER: It’s taken a lot of times for the positivity… Don’t I mean, it’s taken like years of work. Like, I feel like if I found this out like a year ago, I would have been, I would have been in the like ‘wearing the same pajamas for a week and not going to work’ kind of place. But I think, you know, I showed up to work for the first time in three weeks today carrying cookies. And everyone was like, ‘OK, too much. Get out of here. You’re making the rest of us feel bad.’

[01:08:17] CHRIS: What do you do for work? You mentioned work so much. What do you do for work?

[01:08:21] CALLER: I work, I work, I work in TV.

[01:08:26] CHRIS: Oh, me too.

[01:08:29] CALLER: No way. No, I understand like a like a smallish TV show, like a not cable. It’s like I help with sets and stuff, so it’s so, you know, and that’s not really conducive to being in pain all the time. So the fact that like my new team of like my new coworkers understand is really cool, because I think the TV industry is like pretty unforgiving of when you’re sick. Like, I’ve definitely worked jobs before where I was sick and I took a day off and then like, they just asked me not to come back. So it’s kind of the worst because there’s really no accountability. You just kind of, when you don’t show up to work, they’re just like, ‘Welp we found someone else because we needed someone else. And they said they weren’t gonna be in pain.’ So. You know, like I feel like this is the most supported I’ve ever been in my whole life. So I think in a weird way it couldn’t have been a better time. And they said I could take off next week too, which, you know, it’s snowing outside. Of course, I’m gonna take off next week.

[01:09:28] CHRIS: Bat-lanta. Was it Bat-lanta?

[01:09:32] CALLER: Oh Bat-lanta’s so good!

[01:09:33] CHRIS: There’s a lot of TV production, a lot of movie production in Atlanta.

[01:09:38] CALLER: I’m not gonna tell you what city it is…

[01:09:40] CHRIS: East Coast and has its TV industry. But it’s not New York?

[01:09:44] CALLER: Well, a lot of places in, on the East Coast have like teeny tiny shows.

[01:09:49] CHRIS: Yeah. Like regional shows. Atlanta was a good guess though. Bat-lanta was a good guess.

[01:09:55] CALLER: Bat-lanta was really good.

[01:09:55] CHRIS: I keep I’m trying to think of what the pun is for Richmond because everything you’ve described sounds to me.

[01:10:00] CALLER: Oh…

[01:01:01] CHRIS: Yeah, I nailed it didn’t I? I nailed it.

[01:10:05] CALLER: I don’t know. I don’t the Richmond kind of be. [???] Well come over here. There it goes. I don’t know. I don’t have anything to that one.

[01:10:13] CHRIS: Okay. Everything you said about your city started to sound like Richmond to me. Maybe I’m wrong.

[01:10:22] CALLER: I would not confirm or deny Richmond. It is a great city.

[01:10:27] CHRIS: It is. That’s a real cool, artsy weirdo town.

[01:10:29] CALLER: There’s a lot of really good music there.

[01:10:32] CHRIS: GWAR. You’ve got GWAR!

[01:10:33] CALLER: GWAR? GWAR was from Richmond? Really?

[01:10:37] CHRIS: Yeah, GWAR was from Richmond.

[01:10:39] CALLER: I didn’t know that. Do you think… Oh, I guess people in Richmond are super weird. GWAR’s super weird. It makes sense. It makes total sense.

[01:10:45] CHRIS: It all adds up. It all adds up at the end.

[01:10:48] CALLER: Yeah. Okay. How much time do we have left?

[1:10:53] CHRIS: Just under two minutes.

[01:10:54] CALLER: Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. I don’t know what to do for two minutes. I just thank you so much for this kind of the distraction I needed. I know it was kind of like not the normal kind of Beautiful Anonymous talk, but it definitely helped me focus on something else. And I really appreciate it.

[01:11:12] CHRIS: No, I’m happy to distract. Happy to help out with that. I feel like that’s my, you know, at the end of the day, being a comedian is largely about distracting people with positive emotions. That’s one way to describe it. But I’ll also say thank you, because I feel like there’s probably a lot of people going through medical stuff or have family going through medical stuff who maybe, you know, that’s a little bit of a faux pas to talk about this stuff and ask questions about this stuff in here. For hearing someone like you so casual and so positive about it actually really eye opening for me and I found myself. Like sort of flummoxed at a few times cause I’m like, I don’t know what to ask because you’re handling it so well. You know…

[01:11:50] CALLER: Thanks. I mean, like, my best friend, my best friend in the whole world is a she’s an amputee. And like she’s a mom and like a tattoo artist and like a small business owner? And like her positivity towards like, you know, like in cities, there’s no way for her to, like, really get around sometimes. So like her positivity and the way that she looks at the world has been like a real big effect on me. I think the biggest thing is like once I actually started talking about like being in chronic pain, I think I found a community that was able to work with me. And like people who are able to understand that like sometimes like when you flake out on plans, it’s not just because, like, ‘I love flaking out on plans.’ It’s because, like, I’m in pain and like, fun. People understood that made a huge difference. So it like I really like I hope that people out there like are able to talk about chronic pain more just because, like, it really, really helped me like being able to talk about it with people and like not being afraid to say like the word ‘ovary’ in front of men definitely helped.

[01:12:41] CHRIS: Kil-mington, Delaware? Kil-mington, Delaware.

[01:12:46] CALLER: I wouldn’t live in Delaware. No offence, Delaware. But no. Are there film things there? I don’t think so. [ring]

[01:12:58] CHRIS: Caller, thank you for calling. And we were joking right up until the end. I didn’t get to say it. Good luck to you. So much love to ya. Hope everything goes well. And I’m sure with your attitude that it is really, uh. Sending all the good thoughts your way. And I hope that you’re feeling very healthy and back on your feet quite soon. Thank you for calling, let alone on a day. So impactful. Thank you so much. Thank you to Gerard O’Connell. Thank you to Harry Nelson in the booth. Always helping to hold this ship together. Thanks to the <refuge> [???] and Greta Cohen who helped build this thing. Just ran into Greta Cohen at a party, she’s doing quite well. She’s astounded that I still thank her at the end of these. Thank you to Shel Shag for the intro music. You guys are the best you all know about me. Chris Geth dot com including tour dates like our shows at the Bell House in February. Go check’em out. You like the show? Go to Apple podcast. You rate. You review. You subscribe. It really helps so much. Thanks for listening. We’ll see you next time on Beautiful Anonymous.

[01:14:07] [AD BREAK]

[01:14:36]  CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous, a sober mathematician drives me past the brink of madness.

[NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW]

[01:14:44] CHRIS: And you know, they always used to say when I was young, it’s not like you’re walking around with a calculator in your pocket.

[01:14:50] CALLER: Yeah.

[01:14:51] CHRIS: Well, guess what? Some genius named Steve Jobs finally was like, ‘Maybe we should! It also tells you the time! With numbers, not the hand things.’ Another I never needed to know!

[01:15:08] CALLER: Oh, I will say, as somebody who actually cares about math and computer science, the fact that you would give Steve Jobs any credit whatsoever for anything other than being good at marketing. Little upsetting, gotta be honest.

[01:15:23] CHRIS: That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.