EP. 1 — Glorious Basterds

SETH: Hi, welcome to Storytime with Seth Rogen. This week’s episode. Glorious Bastards.

How does one accomplish their dream? How do we manifest our hopes? Our. Wildest projections of what our lives could be into a reality. And if we are lucky enough to do that, how do we deal with it? Are we humble or cocky or gracious? How do we process it? How do we process? These are the questions we’re going to be asking today. And they’re pretty big question. So I’ll take it back a bit and we’ll start smaller. We’ll start more locally. We’ll start with a friend of mine. Quinta Brunson.

Okay. Quinta Brunson is a writer, actor, comedian. Uh, I first saw her doing hilarious things on Instagram and followed her as she went on to perform in the black lady sketch show. I cast her in an American pickle because I thought she was so funny and she’s just overall someone. Um, I could not be a bigger fan of and more in awe of when it comes to their skill and grace as a person. Um, and, uh, it seems very natural that Quinta would have become a performer and comedian, but that is not the case. Uh, because when you talk to Quinta, you realize that in fact, the cards were quite stacked against her. She was not at all born in an environment that was conducive to one.

Thriving in comedy Quinta was raised a Jehovah’s witness.

Yeah. I have not interacted with Jehovah’s witnesses beyond telling them I do not want their literature. So what are the highlights of Jehovah’s witness a is a mystery.

QUINTA: It’s a very conservative sect of Christianity and it’s really private. You can compare it to like seventh day Adventist, but the very by the book and by the book, I mean, by the Bible, um, they do not celebrate holidays.

You are not supposed to smoke, uh, have sex before marriage. Very important one for, for this story. They don’t rub elbows with the world. That is the term. You’re not even supposed to go to college, not supposed to enjoy comedy’s with, uh, cursing and sex. So I was, I was a really bad Jehovah’s witness.

SETH: Why was she a bad Jehovah’s witness?  Because Quinta loved comedy.

QUINTA: But hearing people laugh at things I was doing, especially my siblings. Was huge. And so I think the obsession began then.

SETH: There’s a phrase I’m reminded of when someone asks you, how can I learn to be funny? The answer is the same way you can learn to be tall. You can’t.  Comedians are born. They’re not made, you just are funny or you’re not funny. And Quinta was funny.  When she was barely out of diapers, she was already making people laugh.

QUINTA’S SISTER: She was in a car seat.

SETH: This is Quinta’s sister.

QUINTA’S SISTER: So when you were in a car seat, you’re under four or five years old?  We used to watch In Living Color and Martin and those types of shows and Quinta she’s the baby of five. So whatever we watched, she had to watch and she soaked it all in whether we knew it or not, she was soaking it all in,

And so we’d be in the car and wait, but like “Quinta do Wanda!” and she just snapped right into character. She just like, she’d do the face and everything. Like she would poke her lips out and stuff. She’d be like, “Oh my goodness!” Like, as she would do it just like Jamie Fox did it, like as a baby sitting in her car seat.

QUINTA: I would do that line and my siblings would crack up and I was like, okay, I’m doing something right. Attention. This is good.

SETH: But as hilarious as her Wanda impression was it was frowned upon by the Jehovah’s Witnesses, which by the time Quinta was in high school, she had already started to drift from.

QUINTA: And then in high school. That’s when Anchorman came out. And OBSESSION!

And then that’s when I realized like, okay, this is my shit. I was the person who brought in the new DVDs to school and movie day. I’m like, yo, “this is Napoleon Dynamite. Like dead ass. We gotta watch this.”  And everyone’s like, don’t want to watch it. Cause I’m in a school in West Philly, a predominantly black school, ya know Napoleon Dynamite was not a big film.

So nobody really knew about.

SETH: So here’s Quinta. Her religion is frowning upon her love of comedy. No one in her high school gets the quirky, quirky, quirky jokes of Napoleon Dynamite, and she’s all alone until she meets someone who loves comedy as much as she does her first boyfriend, Maleek.

QUINTA: And when I was with Maleek –  the thing that got us together, we became really bonded by our love for comedy, because he was the only person who liked the same comedies that I like.And so that whole relationship was based on loving comedies and, and that only.

SETH: But then high school ended and Maleek moved to Chicago for college and Quinta stayed in Philly to attend Temple University. Quinta would fly to Chicago to visit them. And while she was there, she would take comedy classes at the Second City Theater where people like Bill Murray, Mike Meyers, Tina Fey all hone their craft.

So it was when you were dating, uh, Maleek, you would, you would go to Chicago and you started to go to Second City classes, uh, on those trips.

QUINTA: Yeah. That’s how I kind of. You know, building my relationship with taking comedy seriously as a career. I went to Chicago to the Second City. Uh, via him. I was able to stay with him. And so I lied to my parents about where I was. They didn’t know, I would tell them I’m staying on campus at Temple U niversity, where I went and Philly for a long time. I was like, I’m staying on campus for a week to get some extra work done in the tech center. And meanwhile, I was on a plane, fully taking classes and stuff in Chicago.

And, uh, I paid for it with my dance school teaching money. And I went to Chicago about seven times without them knowing.

SETH: That’s amazing.

QUINTA: Before I came out as a comedian to my parents.

SETH: That’s incredible.

QUINTA: That’s when I was like, maybe I should try to do this for a living. But Jehovah’s Witnesses are very against television, film, acting anything. That’s not just going door to door. So.

SETH: They tried doing like a long distance relationship thing, but unfortunately, Quinta and Maleek broke up and that breakup shook Quinta to her core.

QUINTA: We break up, I decide. Okay. Maybe being a bad Jehovah’s Witness. Wasn’t the answer. Maybe you need to go. Make a 180 and try to be a good Jehovah’s Witness. Cause you got your heartbroken. It was shattered into a million pieces. Maybe my parents were right. Maybe Jehovah’s right. Maybe Jesus was right. Maybe you need to try out this thing again.

SETH: Wow. You swung back.

QUINTA:  I swung back and I was, I decided I was going to be good and try to, try to stick the landing and really be a good JW girl. And maybe that will fix my life..

SETH: To be a good JW girl or J dub as I call them, you have to find a good J dub guy.

QUINTA: There’s this one guy in the faith who was really, really into me. And I thought he was very cute for what it’s worth. We’ll call him Octavius. This guy had been like, kind of after me for a while. Like he would see me at Jehovah’s witnesses, conventions and stuff. And, you know, we had become Facebook, friends and everything, and he would message me and try to just be like, “Hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah.” And I did think he was very cute. So when I decided to 180 back into, you know, sainthood, I thought, let me give this boy a chance, a chance.

But a chance is a serious thing and this religion. The moment you sign on with someone, your parents on your back, your friends are on your back in the faith to be like basically three dates in you’re married.

This boy is cute. I can marry him.

SETH: That’s a high stakes date –  just knowing that like, cause it’s essentially as though your first date, by the end of it, you’ve been dating for two years. And by the end of your second date, you’ve been dating for three years.  And by the end of your third date you been dating for five years and it’s time to get married.

QUINTA: Yup. It’s time to get married. And he knew this too, even the way he was approaching everything was “I would like to marry you.”

SETH: The stakes of that are, are crazy.

QUINTA: He asked me out and I’m like, cool. Let’s go to the movies.  The biggest movie out at the moment is Inglorious Basterds.

SETH: Very robotic.

QUINTA: And you know, I hate blood and gore and I hate that style, but my brain was so wrapped up in trying to get over Maleek, and trying to get into the idea of marrying this boy that I didn’t even think of that.

So I’m like, yeah, let’s go see Inglorious Basterds.

We decided to go to like a one 30 matinee at this brand new movie theater called the bridge that. Just putting in West Philadelphia, right on the side of, of the hood. It’s right where I’m from this movie theater was like so amazing. There are only two in America at the time and the other one was in LA and they shot a BTK music video there.

And so we decided to go there and I’m like, okay, he’s, we’re going to the nicest movie theater. He’s fancy. He’s taking me to a movie. And we go and he picked me up in his car also very nice. And he’s like, you, you look so nice. You look, so you look so good. Like, I, I really love your like outfit. I was wearing like a little, little, small little, one piece from H and M looking just like cute and hot and, and he’s, and, and we’re having an okay time, but I just cannot connect with this guy.

I’m talking to him about, you know, my favorite books and like my, my favorite, uh, songs and stuff. And he’s just as dry as they come. He was so handsome, but he was when it does very handsome, very boring people.

So we’re walking to the movie theater. And he’s like, so, you know, what are your plans for like the next five years? Which meant. Are you into marriage? Are you into getting married? And I’m just looking at him like you’re so fine. And my life is in such shambles that, you know, I told him I would, I’m interested in, you know, getting married and having children and he’s like, me too.

SETH: Wow on your way to the first state. And you’re probably part of your head is like, if I have to settle for like a boring fucking guy in a boring life, he might as well be a sexy motherfucker. You know?

QUINTA: That’s what I was thinking? I’m like, at least I get to look at him for the rest of my life. It’s not the end of the world. You will grow into it.

SETH: As long as nothing happens to his head or face.But before a life where you’ve decided to learn, to love someone, a Tarantino flick, Quinta , and Octavius, queued up to get their tickets.

QUINTA: The atrium is fully empty. No one’s in this movie theater except for us and the four people in front of us, the two people getting their tickets at the front and the, and the two people who are in front of us. So I’m looking in front of us. And I’m like, that man look like Paul Rudd.

And you know, this is a stupid thought to have. It’s 1:30 in the middle of a random movie theater in Philadelphia. It just didn’t make sense. But I’m just like, this man looks like Paul Rudd, that’s fucking crazy. And the person next to him is a huge man, like a huge, a huge person.

SETH: And Paul Rudd’s a pretty small man so..

QUINTA: The person in front of me fully turns his head to the side to talk to the rather large man next to him. So I get a really good shot of his profile. Cause he looks up and everything. And I’m like, no way, this is not Paul Rudd. This is Paul Rudd. So I turned to my date and I say, I think Paul Rudd is in front of us is in front of us.And he says to me, “who’s Paul Rudd?”

SETH: Who is Paul Rudd? Who is Paul Rudd?! WHAT! Octavious, you’re fucking killing me, man.

QUINTA: I was like, my husband won’t know who Paul Rudd is. This was a real fucking bummer.

SETH: This did not bode well for a lifetime together. Well, it’s almost like a Keyser Söze a moment, because what you will probably then did, was extrapolate on like, if he doesn’t know who Paul Rudd is, that means he’d never saw Anchorman. That means you never saw Clueless. Like there’s so many movies that are great, that he never saw or registers in his head?

QUINTA: I tried to jog his memory. I’m like, Quinta, don’t give up yet because you have to marry this man. Maybe he doesn’t know his name. I said, um, “Anchorman!” He’s like, “Yeah, I’m not really into those movies.” And, I was like, how am I going to marry a man who’s not really into me? Cause that’s what he was saying essentially in that moment, this was my life. At this point, these were the, the things I live by these movies were my Bible. So I’m like, let me see if this man is Paul Rudd, because I think it is. So I tap him and I said, “Excuse me. Are you Paul Rudd?” He’s like, “Yeah!”

SETH: Paul Rudd, what are you doing here?

QUINTA: Yeah! What are you doing here? He’s like, “Oh, I’m here because I’m shooting a movie right now.” And I’m like, “I love you. Like, oh my God, uh, it’s such an honor to meet you. And like, wow, I can’t believe you’re here right now.” And he shakes my hand. He goes out to shake the date’s hand. I’m like, don’t even shake his hand cause he don’t deserve it!

And we. We take a picture together and he was so sweet and kind. And so then I’m like interaction is over. I just met Paul Rudd. That was incredible. Okay. Boom, Paul Rudd steps up to get his tickets and he’s going to see Inglorious Basterds and I’m like, oh my God, he’s seeing the same movie. That’s crazy. We get our tickets.

We stop at the concession stand. And Paul Rudd, is there getting confessions.

QUINTA: And he’s like “Good. See you guys again.” I was like, “I noticed where we’re going to see the same movie” and he’s like, “Oh yeah?”  We walk into the movie theater, and in the theater is literally only me, my date, Paul Rudd and his body guard. So we wind up sitting like really far away from them. ’cause now it’s just getting weird and I’m nervous.

And Paul Rudd turns around and it’s like, there’s nobody else in the theater, come down!” So I’m just like, oh my God. Okay. We go down there and we’re sitting right behind Paul Rudd and I’m just telling him, like, “I, you know, I have to let you know I was trying to be quiet at first, but I love comedy. It is the field I would like to work in. It’s amazing that you’re here right now.I just came from my first classes at the second city in Chicago.” And he’s like. “Second City? Yeah, of course. I know a ton of people there. You know, Steve Carell went to Second City.” I’m like, “yeah, I know.” And he’s like, “yeah, I’m doing a movie with him soon.” And I’m like, “that’s amazing. And I’m like, yeah, I really wanna, I wanna, I really pursue this.” And I was like, “I don’t know if I’m going to go back to the Second City and he’s like, why not?” And I’m just like, “Well, I don’t know. You know, the career seems like such a crapshoot. It seems really hard to get into.” And he’s like, “No, if you’re passionate about it, you should do it. You should continue to pursue that.” And he’s like, “your guy here knows what I’m talking about” pointing to my date. And I’m just like “the way he fucking doesn’t.”

SETH: The movie starts, it starts with the scalping. Quinta is spinning the fuck out.

QUINTA: Cause I hate blood and I hate gore.

SETH: There’s Octavius sitting beside her, not liking comedy, loving Inglorious Basterds. There’s Paul Rudd, mere feet away from her. There’s Quinta watching Christoph waltz, murdering Jewish people. Something she does not want to be seen right now.

QUINTA: I’m having a crisis, an existential crisis.

SETH: She doesn’t know what to do. Why is this happening to her? Why is this happening?

QUINTA: I was like, oh, I’m fucking out. I don’t want to watch this. And I don’t like you don’t like Paul Rudd and he was really nice to me. I’m leaving. So we get up to leave, and Paul Rudd goes “where you, are you going?” I was like, “I can’t watch this, I don’t like blood.”  And he’s like, “oh, you punk!” Paul Rudd just called me a punk.

SETH: It was a sign from the. Comedy themselves.

QUINTA: We walk out of the theater. I turn to this boy and I said, “listen, I don’t think this is going to work out. I’m going back to Chicago.”

SETH: And that the comedian soon to be known as Quinta Brunson had been born again. And her savior was not Jehovah. No, it was a small Jewish man from Kansas. Named Paul Rudd.

Just one Quinta thought she was going to marry Octavius, settle down, have kids… Paul Rudd appears and every goddamn fucking thing, she knew went right out the window.

QUINTA: He has no idea how much that conversation changed my life. If I had not ran into him in that movie theater, had he not been in Philadelphia, filming a movie, had we not sat in the same movie theater? Had you not told us to come down closer? I could have been married and miserable with a husband who doesn’t understand me. And doesn’t know who Paul Rudd is, and I wonder if he remembers it. That’s what I think about all the time.

SETH: Yeah. Good to see you, man.

PAUL RUDD: It’s great to see you. I’m going to make you full screen.

SETH: Ooh, that’s exciting. I got he best placement. Well, I obviously had to call my good friend, Paul Rudd. Tell him this long story and ask him if he remembered it.

PAUL RUDD: I have no recollection, none. I don’t even know who this other person is that I’m with. I’ve never had a body guard in my life. Maybe she was thinking of Owen Wilson, maybe? Maybe it was Jack Nicholson?

SETH: Do you remember seeing a glorious bastard?

PAUL RUDD: I do remember seeing it. I absolutely remember that.

SETH: That’s  so it’s interesting.

PAUL RUDD: You know, it’s interesting that, you know, look, she, she. I think she would’ve done it anyway. It’s who she is. I do believe that if it’s something that you love, um, you, you should commit to it. If it, you know, life is short.

SETH: The fact that he didn’t remember the story, honestly, made it more poignant in many ways, just by being a nice guy going about his day, being cool to people. He changed the lives of those he interacted with. And when I looked back, he didn’t just do it with Quinta Brunson. When we made 40 Year Old Virgin, like you were so nice to everybody and looking back, I truly think that like you showed me the best way to manage being a famous person. And I think that, like, it is a skill in and of itself that so many famous people do not have. It’s something that I for sure. Think about all the time, honestly.

PAUL RUDD: Wow. As far as him being really nice, I definitely. Think about that all the time, because sometimes this industry will almost play a game with your brain and try to force you to forget, to be human sometimes like, cause it pedestals you. So I think you have to be active in combating it.

SETH: I know what you’re thinking. Why are these famous assholes, fucking jerking themselves off and congratulating themselves for being nice to people that they interact with? Why are they acting like it’s such an enormous hurdle they’ve over covered their lives?Well, the truth is it’s harder than you would think. When a lot of people see a famous person, their brains break, it’s like they are meeting. Like a fictional character. Like it it’s just though the laws of reality have crumbled, you know? Um, and, and, and that gives some people permission to then act in a way that they would never normally act.

QUINTA: Yeah, their like,  you know what, fuck it. Like, I’m just going to do this shit, but I’m going to pick you up, put you in my pocket and run away with you.

SETH: Have people, have you been picked up?

QUINTA: I have! This, this the one thing I’ve talked about? Being picked up without my consent, by a stranger on the street. Do you know how, and I love to be in control. Do you know how out of control that makes me feel it it’s one thing to be hugged, which is sweet, but to then be picked up off of your feet, which anchor you to the ground. It is insanity. And what’s even more saying it’s like, why would you do this? Why would you throw away all your inhibitions and pick a person up?

SETH: It just goes back to the recurring theme, which is no one teaches you specifically how to be nice to your fans. Or even that you should be nice to your fans. And it can create a lot of anxiety for some people that I’ve met throughout my life. There’s a weird paradox at play, where everyone knows you and you’re incredibly popular and they want to interact with you.

And as a result of that, it can make you incredibly anxious and not wanting to talk to anybody. When Gladiator came out, me, Jim Carrey and Judd and Gary Shandling went and saw it together in the theater.

PAUL RUDD: Wow.

SETH: And, um, and like Jim Carrey could not have been more famous at this time, but here’s what was interesting is before we went out, he’s like, I have anxiety.

He’s like, I don’t love leaving the house right now. He’s like I, and he was, it was so interesting. It was the first person I’d heard talk about that. And he was just like, he’s like, I have this big, nice house. I have everything I need here. He’s like camera phones were just starting to come around. And he’s like, these phones is just so much like I like, um, but then he, he got in his car, drove to Westwood, walked through Westwood for 50 minutes.

We got it. It was opening night theater. We got in line. We didn’t have anyone like escort us in. Everyone was coming up to him and he couldn’t have been nicer. And cooler to everybody. And I just heard him say how he didn’t want to do it. (Seth laughing)

PAUL RUDD: Yeah.

SETH: And no one who interacted with him would’ve thought anything other than like, holy shit, Jim Carrey’s like the nicest, funniest fucking guy I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It was not coming incredibly naturally to him, but he was still making an effort to do it. You know what I mean?

PAUL RUDD: Mhm hmm.

SETH: Like he was steering away from where gravity was pulling him, which was like, I don’t want to leave and when I do leave, I don’t want to talk to anybody, but we’re are going to leave and I’m going to talk to every single person out there basically. (Seth laughing)

PAUL RUDD: Yeah  he’s being pulled in 2 different directions. Like, yeah.

SETH: Paul Rudd taught me how to be famous by example. And he did the same for Quinta Brunson in the movie theater that day. But I’d never brought this up with Paul and when I did, my fame guru and teacher had another lesson for me.

PAUL RUDD: I never thought I never thought of myself as a famous person. So it wouldn’t occur to me like oh, I’ll be nicest person because I’m famous.

SETH: Yeah.

PAUL RUDD: It’s just you talk to people because you’re a human being (Paul laughing) and everyone’s just trying to get by and it’s important to be polite and you wanna be nice to people. That’s all that is.

SETH: Now that is an insanely nice thing for Paul to say and very self-effacing but the truth is you don’t just become a nice person. Unlike being funny, you can learn to be nice. Me and Quinta saw Paul being a great, wonderful man and we thought maybe I’ll try to do something like that. I wondered where did Paul get this from? Who made Paul Rudd such a nice guy?

PAUL RUDD: I’m just having this memory right now, as we’re talking.

SETH: Yeah.

PAUL RUDD: When I was in college, there was a band. I was obsessed with this band. I loved them so much: Trip Shakespeare, and they were huge at the University of Kansas where I was going to school.

SETH: I’ll play them right now on the podcast so people can hear them.

PAUL RUDD: You should. They’re awesome.

TRIP SHAKESPEARE (song plays): Can I tell you a romantic story?

SETH: This is ‘The Slacks’ by trip Shakespeare.

PAUL RUDD: A little side note, half of them kind of went on to form the band Semisonic.

SETH: Oh yeah! (laughing)

SETH: Semisonic the amazing band that did ‘Closing Time.’

PAUL RUDD: Yeah. So anyway, I used to love. And I’d see them in college. And I had a real hero worship thing with them. I was dressing like them.

I mean, it was like, I kind of worshiped them (Seth laughing) and then they went on tour. I saw them in California. Then they went to San Francisco and I followed them.

SETH: (laughing) Like, like a deadhead?

PAUL RUDD: Totally. One time in San Francisco, I went with some friends. We were all fans. Everyone in my group left. I stayed because I wanted to talk to them after the show.

And all my friends had gone. In fact, everyone had gone, the band was still there and they gave me a ride home. (Seth laughing)

PAUL RUDD: And I remember I’m in this van, in their touring van with the band and there, and they’re saying, so where does your friend Doug live? And they’re looking at maps. This was, there was no…and they drove me home. And I just remember thinking, man, my favorite band in the world is also like the coolest guys, like who would do that?

SETH: Yeah, that’s amazing.

PAUL RUDD: I think that there have been moments in my life where people that I really admired were like were nice to me.

SETH: Yeah.

PAUL RUDD: I hadn’t thought about that until you told me this story.

DAN WILSON: I’m Dan Wilson. I, uh, played guitar and sang in a band called Trip Shakespeare. I also sang in Semisonic.

SETH: Do you remember having any experience with Paul Rudd when you were younger?

DAN WILSON: I do. I, I, um, I remember seeing Paul at Trip Shakespeare shows and, um, my band kind of inspired a certain kind of obsessive, uh, fandom, a repetitive fandom and non, not a casual fandom and he seemed to be sort of on the edge at least of that non casualness, you know?

SETH: He would, he would agree. (Seth laughing)

DAN WILSON: So he would hang out with us and he always presented himself as like, I can’t believe you’re letting me talk to you guys. Whereas to us, he was just delightful and great, you know? And we were, every time he was around, we would all feel so happy. You know?

SETH: So he has a memory of, of hanging out with you so late one night after a show that you actually had to drive him home to his friend’s house. (laughing)

DAN WILSON: I mean, that’s definitely possible.

SETH: Like there’s a phrase, which is just like, never meet your heroes. What do you, what do you think of that phrase?

Have you met anyone that you like idolized over the years?

DAN WILSON: I have. 

SETH: I’ve met a lot and it’s gone, it’s gone drastically different directions from like forging very meaningful relationships with people that I never thought I would to having a truly disastrous interactions with people. (Seth laughing)

DAN WILSON: When I was 16 or so I was trying to become a cartoonist and there was this artist who was syndicated out of the Minneapolis Star Tribune newspaper named Dick Guindon, Richard Guindon. And I essentially cold called him at the newspaper office and told him who I was and I was, you know, 16 year old artist and could I like have a meeting with him and show him my work?

And he said, yes. He was completely happy to see my work which I later, I looked at it and I realized that it was just a complete rip off of Richard Guidon’s drawings. (Seth and Dan laughing) I was like transparently stealing his style. And he talked to me, he kind of frankly told me which pictures were working better than others or which ones he found them, the more funny and which ones are less funny.

I really could have imagined him being very dismissive, but he just completely took me seriously and like looked at my work as though I was just a peer, and he was like, I dig this one and not so much this one. It was just great.

SETH: Yeah. It seems like putting people at ease is like, uh, like a, like if you’ve been comforted by someone you look up to, then the instinct seems to be comfort, to comfort those who look up to you, I think.

DAN WILSON: I totally agree. And that’s maybe an empathy.

SETH: Yeah.

DAN WILSON: I mean, I was lucky to have Richard Guidon show me the cool way to deal with a nervous, young fan.

SETH: Yeah. No, it seems like, like gentleness in general is kind of like a virtue of an artist in some way, you know?

DAN WILSON: Yeah.

SETH: Did you ever, was there ever a point where you almost gave up? That’s something that Quinta kind of dealt with. Uh, like she, you know, she was going to be a comedian and just kind of lost faith I guess. Have you ever been there?

DAN WILSON: I was there for a little while and sort of unreasonably, I made the dramatic decision to be a, uh fine art painter instead. (Dan laughing) So as far as –

SETH: More, more career security (laughing).

DAN WILSON: Plan B yeah. Pretty dumb, yeah. Right. That didn’t last.

SETH: Did you paint that painting behind you?

DAN WILSON: I did. I did.

SETH: Oh wow. It’s beautiful. It’s amazing.

DAN WILSON: Thank you very much.

SETH: No problem. It’s incredible. (Seth laughing) Well, thank you so much.

DAN WILSON: Seth, this is great.

(sound of dialing phone number)

SETH: Hello. Is this uh Richard Guidon? Hi, my name is Seth Rogen and…

SETH: Well, we obviously had to see if Dick Guidon was still alive and if he was track him down and guess what, he is.

SETH: He declined to be on our podcast and interviewed in any way, shape or form. No problem. I hope you have a good day, sir. Thank you so much. Okay. Bye bye.

(Sound of hanging up phone)

SETH: He was happy to hear it. (Seth laughing) He said, that’s very nice. I don’t know where to go with this. That’s why I said you don’t have to go anywhere with it. That’s all. (laughing) It’s the end of the episode, Dick. There’s nowhere to go. Um, lovely.

(Opening chords of Semisonic’s ‘Closing Time)

SETH: And now, bask in the majesty of song.

DAN WILSON (singing): Closing time, his name is Seth Rogen and he has a friend named Paul Rudd. Closing time, Paul met Quinta Brunson and treated her like his true bud.

QUINTA: This was a sign to me.

DAN WILSON (singing): Closing time. Paul learned from Dan Wilson that kindness is a real virtue.

DAN WILSON: He was just delightful and great.

DAN WILSON (singing): Closing time, if your name is Richard Guidon, know that this is true.

PAUL RUDD: They gave me a ride home.

DAN WILSON (singing): I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. Take me home.

SETH: Storytime with Seth Rogen is an Earwolf production. Produced, edited, and sound designed by Richard Parks III. Our executive producer is Frida Perez. Additional production by Josh Richmond, Renee Colvert, Jared O’Connell and Marina Paiz who also recorded the instrumental tracks for our version of ‘Closing Time.’ With special thanks to Amelia Chappelow. Our artwork is by Robin Richardson. The theme music is by Andi Kristinsdóttir. Additional music in this episode by Richard Parks III.

DAN WILSON: Storytime, yeah.

I’m Seth Rogen. How’s that?