EP. 204 — Hit By A Truck

[00:00:06] CHRIS: Hello to everybody who’s moving out to the middle of nowhere. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.

[00:00:17] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

[00:00:28] CHRIS: I want to thank everybody who listened to last week’s episode, which was, of course our young caller who was obsessed with golf and socialist politics and also telling us about being a twin. It was really… that Facebook group, the Beautiful Anonymous community, it’s like 33,000 people strong. You guys are all so chill and nice. It’s a fun place to talk and I saw people talking about how they also loved golf. I saw people talking about how a lot of the young callers lately have been giving them hope. I thought that was very nice. And then myself and one other person got into a whole very pleasant debate about the nature of capitalism and its dark sides and positive sides. And if it’s appropriate for me to be talking about its dark sides and then immediately throw to ads and it was all pleasant and nice. So thank you all for being a part of that group. This week’s episode, I’ve been excited for a while for everybody to hear this one. This was a live taping we did in San Francisco as part of the San Francisco sketch fest. First of all, thanks to everyone who came out. San Francisco has always been kind to me. In my career, when I started expanding beyond New York, San Francisco is one of the first towns that actually embraced me, made me feel good. So to everybody in northern California and the Bay Area came out live, I thank you. Just genuinely. I thank you. Simple as that. This call. Wow. This caller is one I will not soon forget. You’ll hear, had a scary, scary accident. Somehow, in the face of all this caller is able to tell us about how he’s dealing with it, how he’s approaching, recovering, stabilizing, moving forward, making some big lifestyle choices that switch everything up. And this caller is someone who is absolutely strong, absolutely dealing with a lot. And the way he describes how he has rolled with so many brutal punches really made me think about how I need to not get caught up in the small things and the small defeats and the challenges and adversity and just really keep looking beyond them. This call: really something special. Enjoy it.

[00:02:47] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host [beep].

[00:02:54] CHRIS: Hello.

[00:02:55] CALLER: Hello.

[00:02:57] CHRIS: I was talking to the caller, not the live crowd. Hello. How are you caller?

[00:03:03] CALLER: I’m doing good, man. How are you?

[00:03:05] CHRIS: I’m doing real good. I’m sure you noticed this in the prompt: this is a live show. So we’re in San Francisco. There’s a bunch of people here. But I don’t want that to make you nervous. They all got your back. They’re all very nice.

[00:03:18] CALLER: Okay. So. You know, basically – couple of years ago, I was hit by a semi.

[00:03:27] CHRIS: Woah.

[00:03:28] CALLER: And in the testing for spinal cord damage, they found lesions in my spinal cord and in my brain. So not only did I not get killed by a semi that hit me at 50 miles an hour, I got diagnosed with M.S….

[00:03:44] CHRIS: Oh wow.

[00:03:45] CALLER: One month after I got hit, so you know…

[00:03:50] CHRIS: Well, we got a lot to talk about.

[00:03:52] CALLER: Yeah, basically when I was in the hospital, my neurologist told me, let’s see here, I’m not gonna walk and I should quit my job and find something else. And I work a heavy labor job, which is kind of funny because it’s hard to do in general, let alone now with some issues.

[00:04:16] CHRIS: This…

[00:04:16] CALLER: But the kind of good thing is it kind of led me, it led me to open my eyes to kind of what’s important. I was in a long term relationship with a girl – it was like six or seven years – and in the hospital I kind of realized that she wasn’t there for me. So I ended that relationship and then did what any person who gets diagnosed with multiple sclerosis does – is go and buy 10 acres of land and a house for your first home.

[00:04:49] CHRIS: Look at that, our first mini applause break. I have a… OK, let’s go over a few things. Few things. First, you got hit by a semi. It sounds terrifying. Were you in your car or were you crossing a street? What, what was going on?

[00:05:04] CALLER: It was actually, I was at work. I work for like a road department and I was plowing snow a couple years back when we had a lot of bad snow and the semi ran a light and hit me right on the passenger side axle of the truck. And I was in like a one ton truck and he’s in the semi with a 53 foot trailer and hit me and I spun around three or four times.

[00:05:31] CHRIS: That’s got to be, I mean…

[00:05:34] CALLER: But he hit me right on the axle. So it’s kind of the best case scenario, because it was wet and icy out. So instead of rolling the truck, which would have killed me pretty instantly, he spun me around and luckily I made it out OK and I’m still walking and obviously talking to you.

[00:05:51] CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, that’s like… I’ve been in a couple accidents over the years and I have to imagine, ’cause when you’re in a car, you have that moment where you’re like, ‘maybe I can get out of here’. But when you’re plowing snow in a one ton truck, you must be like, ‘oh, shit. Let’s see how this goes’. Like, there’s no moment of like, ‘let me hit the gas and see what I can do’.

[00:06:13] CALLER: Yeah. Because really, what happened, I was in a turn and I was looking through my turn plowing and I just saw headlights out of my peripherals, and I looked over and that was just enough time to know that I was gonna get hit.

[00:06:26] CHRIS: Oh, I’m really sorry. That sounds terrifying. And then…

[00:06:32] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:06:32] CHRIS: … you survive – you must be letting out so many thankful sighs of relief – you find out you have multiple sclerosis. Is there any element to which the accident helped people notice this and help you get ahead of the curve on it? Or was it just ‘oh, in addition, now we’re dealing with this bad news too’.

[00:06:56] CALLER: It’s all like in addition, because they were checking my spinal cord for like severe spinal cord damage, because I got hit by the truck and I was back to work in four days. And I was at work and I couldn’t lift my left foot up. So one of the things with M.S. is you lose control of muscles cause your nerves don’t communicate. And so the coin dropped and I was dragging my foot and I couldn’t even walk without tripping. And I went to the doctor and then he sent me to the E.R. to get an MRI – did my first MRI in my life, you know. Went in the tube and I’m a big guy, so I don’t fit in those damn things anyway. So that’s fun. And we went through it and got dressed. And then the doctor came and said, ‘no you’re going in for another one’. And that’s when they took an MRI of my brain. And then they found twenty three lesions in my head alone, not including the 16 on my spinal cord.

[00:07:57] CHRIS: Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

[00:08:01] CALLER: Yeah. So it’s pretty much – they pretty much said I shouldn’t be walking at all just based on the size and where the lesions are ’cause I mean, M.S. is like such a variable thing to other people and it’s kind of a crazy thing, but it actually turned out to be one of the best blessings I’ve ever had if that makes sense. I mean, I got out of a relationship with a girl who could care less. I mean, I was in the hospital and she’s just sitting on the phone the whole time. So…

[00:08:31] CHRIS: That’s not a good feeling.

[00:08:31] CALLER: … broke that off and then bought 10 acres, which is stupid to do really. I mean for a first home buyer? I mean, that’s what I did is a house and 10 acres. Like, not usually what people that have a disability, you know, a disease that can make it so they can’t even walk. Let alone, ‘hey 10 acres. This sounds like a good idea’.

[00:08:56] CHRIS: Yeah. Not only will like… First of all, you sound like a bad ass. You’re back in work four days after semi hits you. I’ve called out of work because I was vaguely sad. That’s a thing I’ve done in my life. So ‘I’m just kinda not feeling it today’. You get hit by it a truck, you’re like, ‘I’m back, baby’. 10 acres? They tell you you’re not going walk. You’re like, ‘Oh, really? I am gonna walk. And I’m also going to be responsible for 10 acres. Not only will I walk, I will be plowing and sowing fields like you’re going big.

[00:09:32] CALLER: Yeah. When my neurologist told me that because, you know, you get a bomb dropped like that, you know, you’re just gone through all sorts of fucked up emotions when you’re sitting in a hospital bed. And that’s why I hate the Harry Potter series is because that was the only damn thing that was on the TV. No offence to Harry Potter fans out there but not really my jam because of that. But yeah, the neurologist comes in the room and tells me one – I should find another job and I shouldn’t be walking. And I basically just told her, ‘fuck you’.

[00:10:04] CHRIS: And you’re still working the same job?. You work in the same job and added 10 acres to your life. Wow. I mean, first of all, I’m so sorry. And second of all, congratulations for not  taking no for an answer and continuing to push yourself and believe in yourself. That is very inspiring.

[00:10:28] CALLER: Yeah, and, you know, I mean, it’s not without its – Ever since I got hit, it’s kind of been, I get symptoms every once in a while. Like I haven’t had fine touch in my right hand in damn near three years or something now. So that makes it fun when you can’t… So now I feel, you know, like how old people can’t open ziplock? I can relate.

[00:10:51] CHRIS: And you said, you work in a labor job?

[00:10:55] CALLER: Yeah, I do. I take it pretty damn well because I have to. Basically ’cause my insurance is worth my job, so…

[00:11:03] CHRIS: Got it.

[00:11:04] CALLER: … I basically fake everything, which sucks because it makes me feel stuck. But, at the same time I’m super grateful that I have good insurance because that year of going through all the two weeks in the hospital with all the steroids and crap. That one year long my medical bills are top like $425,000 or something crazy like that.

[00:11:26] CHRIS: That is a sin man. That’s a sin. 

[00:11:29] CALLER: So yeah. But luckily, I had decent insurance and only cost me $1500 out of pocket, so I can’t really complain too much.

[00:11:36] No, I think you can complain all you want. I think everyone in this room would agree that if anyone wants to vent and complain in the course of an episode of this show, you have the right to complain. A truck hit you and you have 39 lesions in your body. Yeah. You if you want to – if you got some gripes where happy to hear them. But it’s pretty bad ass that you don’t. Because I was gonna say there is a part of me that was gonna be like, ‘well, it’s so cool that you were like, nope, I’m working my job’. But then there’s a part of me that’s like, ‘well, now that you’ve proven them all wrong, you ever thought about maybe getting out of labor?’ But the insurance.I feel like it’s very easy to say this in San Francisco, but man if there’s any stories that show why there needs to be a much better thought out health care system, it’s yours. Like four hundred twenty five grand? But that’s easy…

[00:12:25] CALLER: And then I was on… I was also on – I stopped like taking any kind of meds because I just not that’s just not me. I don’t like meds. They make me feel weird. So it took them five months to get me onto a drug and TECFIDERA and it was the most fucked up I’ve ever been mentally. It was messed up. Like  just my mood swings are like insane. I’d be like, happy and crying and just, you know, from the top to the bottom in like five minutes. And it was like uncontrollable. And I didn’t want to go on that. And it’s just, oh, there’s no real cure for M.S. It’s just like a disease modifying drug. So it’s like hopefully it will stop it type of deal.

[00:13:12] CHRIS: Right.

[00:13:13] CALLER: So I was taken that and then I went in because you’re supposed to get MRIs every year or six months or whatever it is. And I went in to get MRI and then I had more lesions in my head while I was taking this drug that was fucking with me. So I just stopped cold turkey on that and just kinda just doing my own thing. And it’s actually, I’ve done pretty good. I’m still walking. I’m still working in a physical job and… I don’t know, like buying the 10 acres and stuff was kind of like a thing that for me is like a mental goal like a house I’ve got pay off in 30 years. Now it’s like shit, kind of stupid, but, you know, hey, I might make it. I might not, but I might get hit by another semi and not make it that time, you know. So there’s always that.

[00:14:04] CHRIS: You are an impressive human being. All these stories and then everything is just like, ‘nope, I’m going to do it my way. I’m gonna prove them wrong’.  Obviously I’m someone who’s had good experiences on medication. But for you to say you’re facing this thing that’s life changing and the medications weren’t feeling right so you said, I’ll just do it my way. I mean, I hope that there’s doctors obviously keeping an eye on it and making sure that it’s safe, but it’s pretty – again, I keep using the word bad ass. But, man.

[00:14:33] CALLER: Yeah, and the crazy thing is, you know, like a mess. If you look at possible, you know, what’s happening to get you diagnosed is like fatigue and I’ve been working manual labor my whole life so I just attributed fatigue to work. And another one is black mold. And well, you’ll like this one. I was – after Hurricane Sandy happened, I deployed out there and I worked for free for a volunteer organization. And we’d gutted houses out in Union Beach, New Jersey. And I was out there for 45 days and we were basically sleeping in condemned houses and sleeping in our moldy work clothes. So that was fun. And who knows? That was seven years ago now or something like that. And who knows? That black mold could have led to it, too. But they don’t really – they can’t pinpoint it or anything. So it’s kind of a crazy thing.

[00:15:31] CHRIS: First of all, I’m wearing a t shirt right now that literally says the words ‘defend Jersey’ on it and you have done. So you step up, you try to come in and help people in my home state and then it leads to a lot – potentially leads to a lot of really rough stuff down the line. And yet you still a good, good head on your shoulders, fighting the good fight. I also want to apologize: I just want to say really quick, before I got a little bit of a cheap pop by talking about health care reform in San Francisco. Let’s point out, this is a city where I missed my call time today because the Lyft couldn’t get through the traffic caused by the Anti-Iran War march and the Women’s Reproductive Rights march. This is a city where I’m like sitting in traffic, like, ‘why do all these things I agree with have to be happening at the same time?’ Like, that’s the city we’re in. So I want to apologize for the admittedly cheap round of applause from speaking up for health care in San Francisco. But you’re saying – so you were about to tell a story about what it was like in that Hurricane Sandy relief.

[00:16:38] CALLER: Well I was up in like Monmouth County, so up in North Jersey and we were up there and the team that I was with, we were gutting approximately 15 houses a day is what we were doing. And we did it all for free. It didn’t cost the homeowners anything. So it was probably the most incredible work I’ve ever done in my life because like, I would just go in there and tear out a couple of sheets of drywall. Like for me that’s you know whatever, it’s a couple of sheets it doesn’t matter. But to some homeowner, you know, they cry and it was like the most crazy thing to have that much appreciation for the work that you’re doing. So that was awesome. But we always joked when we were there, like I did ‘oh man, we probably just shaved off 10 years of our lives working here because of all the black mold’. And then kind of ironic that I’m the one that came down with an auto immune disease that possibly could have been caused by black mold – haha!

[00:17:39] CHRIS: How are you laughing? How do you ever laugh? Like how? That’s amazing that you could tell that story and it ends with a knowing chuckle. Is that – that… I mean, that’s a remarkable – Sometimes you gotta… I feel like you are living the very prime example of like sometimes you have to laugh because what else can you do? But…

[00:18:01] CALLER: Yeah, I mean, my sense of humor is kind of fucked up and people don’t like it because most people don’t even know that I have M.S. I don’t really talk about it. It’s not like a thing I like to bring up because whatever. I’m still the same person, so I just kind of fight through it. And it’s kind of annoying sometimes because… I’ll give you an example of how it is like because my foot – my lower body sometimes is numb – so it’s like wearing a swimming flipper on my left foot and then wearing a giant chemical resistant club on my right foot, on my right hand. And that’s like how it is for every day. So imagine trying to cut up vegetables and you’re cooking and with this huge cumbersome rubber gloves and that’s where I’m at with the feeling in my hand. But like my family, they don’t like my sense of humor because I just kind of self-deprecating and I think it’s funny because what else am I gonna do about it?

[00:19:01] CHRIS: So at Thanksgiving you…

[00:19:02] CALLER: I like to make fun of myself as much as I possibly can.

[00:19:04] CHRIS: So at Thanksgiving, you’re sitting there making jokes and laughing at them yourself and everyone else is just staring into their mashed potatoes like, ;please stop making us contemplate mortality at Thanksgiving. Please, please’.

[00:19:17] CALLER: Yeah, pretty much.

[00:19:20] CHRIS: Wow.

[00:19:21] CALLER: I’m laughing the whole time, while I just sense how uncomfortable people are, but you know, it’s whatever. I mean my family members, they try to do their best and try to like research stuff about M.S. and I’m like ‘don’t even bother, I don’t really care’. It is what it is. Like if it’s going to put me in a wheelchair in the next year, then that’s what’s going to happen and I’m just gonna roll with it. Like I don’t know, one of my buddies he told me one time he had a friend that got diagnosed with cancer and he asked her one time, ‘would you want to know?’ Looking back at all the crap, all the chemo and all the crap that she went through. And one of her things that she said is, you know, honestly I don’t think I’d like to know if I had to do it again and just kind of keep on living and doing what you do. And because that’s what I’ve done, I mean, all my – I always attributed my hands not working to like being like carpal tunnel and stuff. I just powered through it and just kind of whatever it is what it is and keep on going. So. I kind of like that kind of, you know. At least for me, I know it’s not everybody’s cup of tea to be like, ‘oh I don’t want to know about it’ and just keep going. But you know, I’m not going to lie to you. I still think about M.S. all the time. And there’s a genuine fear of the unknown. I mean I laugh and joke, but I’m scared as shit about it. But what am I gonna do? Like I said, we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. So I try not to worry too much about it. But like I said, it’s probably one of the – as fucked up as it sounds, it’s probably one of the best things that happened to me getting diagnosed because I ended up ending a fucked up relationship with manipulative family of my exes and my new girlfriend – I don’t know what the hell her problem is because she’s 10 years younger than me and just, I told her from the get go, you know when it was about to get serious or whatever I was like ‘hey, I got this fucked up disease and I don’t want your future to be affected by it’ type of thing, you know. It’s like I don’t want her to waste her time. But she stuck with me and we’re on what? A year? Year and a half now. And…

[00:21:38] CHRIS: That’s awesome.

[00:21:41] CALLER: It’s awesome.

[00:21:41] CHRIS: Yeah. Listen, I want to talk more about that. If you don’t mind, the crowd has been tweeting questions for you and me and thoughts. You wanna hear some of them?

[00:21:50] CALLER: Sure, let’s do it.

[00:21:54] [AD BREAK]

[00:22:28] CHRIS: Let’s see. Aremus – I hope I’m pronouncing that correctly – says ‘people in San Francisco cannot even imagine 10 acres’.

[00:22:43] CALLER: Yeah, it sucks pretty bad. The view is pretty great.

[00:22:48] CHRIS: Nick Bradshaw says, ‘I get hit by a semi and now I have to suffer through these goddamn Hufflepuffs?’ in relation to your Harry Potter. A lot of stuff coming in. So – oh, Jack wants to know, although I think we’ve covered this: so the M.S. was not caused by the accident, it was just sort of exposed by it?

[00:23:07] CALLER: Yeah, cause – well, I mean, in essence though, it’s like cancer and everything else, you have these fucked up cells in your body and it could be stress. A lot of stress brings up my symptoms. Like if I’m at work and managers are pissing me off and stuff – I call it my Hulk eye, it’s when I know I’m really getting pissed off because my left eye will actually start to like blur. You know, lose vision in my left eye.

[00:23:34] CHRIS: You call it your Hulk eye?

[00:23:37] CALLER: Yeah, I call it my Hulk eye just cause it’s like, you know, instead of turning green I just can’t see out of my left eye.

[00:23:45] CHRIS: So you – Oh, God, I hate… Listen, self-deprecating is the word self. It drives me nuts. I’m very self-deprecating. Sometimes people start making jokes about me because they see it as so part of me. But the idea – so when you get really mad, you’re like ‘now, not only is my right hand in a rubber glove and my left foot in a flipper, I can’t even see because you’re pissing me off’.

[00:24:09] CALLER: Yeah, well, my left eye – I could still see on my right eye pretty good. It’s just my left one…

[00:24:12] CHRIS: That’s you in a nutshell. Holy shit. I’ve been talking to you for what? 20 minutes. And that is you. That isn’t me that you’re like ‘I could still see out of my right eye’. Like that’s – what a level of optimism. Here’s something. Here’s why I love doing this show. `Listen to this. What a small world it is. There’s someone in the crowd: a Dr. Morgavem – I hope I’m pronouncing that right – who is in the crowd tonight, is a neurology resident who will be specializing in M.S., who says if you haven’t already just make sure you’re looking for a neurologist you really trust.

[00:24:52] CALLER: Well, as a comment to him – don’t tell people they can’t work or they can’t walk. It’ll piss them off.

[00:24:58] CHRIS: Look at that. Look at that. People are heckling your doctor. People are heckling your… Someone just yelled out instead of using the hashtag I set up, sir, he decided to just yell ‘sounds like he sucks’ in relation to your old doctor. Is the doctor who tweeted at us: are you here? Oh, you’re the guy who – haha! So caller, you’ll be happy to hear that the neurologist in the crowd is the one who yelled that it sounds like your neurologist sucks.

[00:25:34] CALLER: Yeah, my – I’ve gone through four neurologist and they all suck. I’m kind of bias when it comes to neurologists now.

[00:25:43] CHRIS: I don’t know how close you are to the West Coast, but if you need a hookup, I found a chill neurologist. He likes comedy and he’s happy to express his opinions freely.

[00:25:57] CALLER: But it’s kind of a crazy thing and I don’t know. It makes me appreciate a lot more than I did before, too. Which is kind of cool.

[00:26:06] CHRIS: Yeah. Let me ask, I want to hear more about – I want to get to some gossip. You’ve brought it up a couple of times. When you’re in that hospital. You’ve been through something scary. You get even scarier news. In your eyes this is lifelong news. And you’ve been dating someone, I think you said six years, who sitting there on their phone through it all. That’s – I mean, I would have to imagine you couldn’t see out of your left eye for most of that time.

[00:26:39] CALLER: Oh no, I was just fuming. And the fun part is I’m pretty sure she was cheating on me during that time with the guy that she’s on the phone texting all the time when I was in the hospital. So there’s some gossip for you.

[00:26:53] CHRIS: What positive thing are you about to say right now? I feel like the more grim a thing you say, the more you’re able to blow all of our minds by just being like ‘but you know what? She’s happy and I’m happy, too. So life is life. Love is love’.

[00:27:05] CALLER: Well it worked out because I kind of figured she was cheating on me, I don’t know I want to say seven months before I was hit, and I moved all my stuff out of the current place that we lived at. And I just moved everything into my now current property. And I was just storing it there hoping I was gonna get the property and it just all kind of came together. So when shit seems like it sucks, it kinda – things work out because I ended up with 10 acres and a property on my own. And I’ve got a clear conscience, which makes it super rad.

[00:27:44] CHRIS: You are…

[00:27:45] CALLER: And then I met my now girlfriend who’s fucking amazing and is there for me all the time. So I can’t ask for anything better than that. From one extreme to another.

[00:28:01] CHRIS: Yeah. What’s going on with these 10 acres? What you got going on out there? What kind of land?

[00:28:09] CALLER: Though it’s partly wooded, partly open field. Right now I just got about 10 apple trees and a bunch of fruit trees and bunch of plums. It’s nothing crazy yet. I don’t have any livestock or anything. I’m not there. I like to go do stuff and having animals makes it so you can’t.

[00:28:31] CHRIS: So you just have an orchard on your bucolic 10 acres. No animals yet. I have to tell you, I just heard an entire room of San Franciscans get so jealous. I just heard it. You could hear the jealousy erupt. We’re talking about a city where it’s like, ‘oh, you want a studio with a roommate? You’re paying $3500 each’. And it’s in a part of Oakland that 60 years ago wasn’t zoned for residents. It’s like that’s the room we’re in. Yeah. What do you say?

[00:29:02] CALLER: Yeah. What did you say? Thirty five hundred dollars a month? Makes me feel better about my mortgage cause it ain’t that much.

[00:29:10] CHRIS: You’re paying less than that a month for ten acres of land where you have woods you can hike through in a bunch of fruit trees you could pick and eat from?

[00:29:20] CALLER: Yes.

[00:29:22] CHRIS: Oh, the joy in your voice as you stuck it to them. I could just hear you thinking ‘enjoy your app development, San Francisco. I’ll be out here in a more sane part of the country’.

[00:29:35] CALLER: Oh it’s funny ’cause like when I have friends over for like bonfires and shit, like city kids come out, and they’ll always ask me where to park. And I have literally eight acres of parking that they could park at anywhere. And yet they always ask where to park, which – I kind of think that’s funny but I get it. I’m not a city person, so it drives me nuts and I can’t even find a parking spot near a friend’s house.

[00:30:04] CHRIS: You could have ended that sentence after when I have people out for bonfires. And if you just stopped there, this crowd would have been pissed, let alone that you have eight acres just of parking.

[00:30:17] CALLER: Eh you know you only live once, right?

[00:30:20] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s the truth. That’s the truth. As someone who’s moving out of a city to get to some place with a little more woods, I’m not moving any place with 10 acres, but I am happy to hear that it’s working for you. Anybody here – round of applause: are San Francisco people like New York people where it’s like the most beautiful thing to live in this area and it offers so much motivation and so much opportunity and also, every single minute of every single day, you are planning your exit strategy? Is that the type of city as well? And the exit strategy is that someday maybe something will happen in your life that’s lucrative enough that you can just go live like this man. Right? Like that’s – you’re living the dream man. In that way. In other ways… what was that?

[00:31:10] CALLER: I said, it’s easy you just get hit by a semi and somehow manage to live through it and then get diagnosed with a fucked up auto immune disease. It’s nice.

[00:31:16] CHRIS: Yeah, touche – my bad. I shouldn’t have phrased it as quote ‘You’re living the dream’. I should have said ‘You’re living the real estate dream’ or ‘you are living the dream in one specific way’ and in other ways. Yes, your point stands. It should not take that much to get there. I want to see if we have anything else coming in from the crowd. I’m also curious. Are you a union member in your labor job with your good insurance?

[00:31:47] CALLER: Yes.

[00:31:48] CHRIS: I tell you man, I’ve been thinking more and more about it. Thank God for unions in this country. I’ve become really obsessed with unions. You’ve got a good union huh? They take care of you?

[00:31:58] CALLER: Yeah. All right. I mean, I’m kind of mixed emotions on them. They take a lot of my money and they don’t really represent us all that much. But they do have good health insurance, so I’ll take that.

[00:32:11] CHRIS: They saved you on that one. People are messing with the unions, man. I don’t think you want to – I think that’s when maybe we’ll finally wake up and take to the streets is if they mess with the unions. But who knows? I’m just a guy with a podcast. We have some feedback. Kelsey has said that your call is like Grey’s Anatomy drama. I like that. I’ll try and… Listen, caller, you like dark jokes. Do you want to hear a dark – it’s really dark. It made me say the word Ryan like I was scolding him. Do you want the dark joker or no?

[00:32:47] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:32:48] CHRIS: Ryan has suggested. Have you ever considered that maybe your girlfriend was cheating with the guy who drove the semi?

[00:32:57] CALLER: Huh? That’d be ironic. He didn’t do a good enough job, though, because I made it out alive.

[00:33:04] CHRIS: And Rezulin points out that you are an amazing soul, sir. And I agree. I agree. How do you meet your how’d you meet current girlfriend?

[00:33:13] CALLER: So, you know, Tinder. I used to make fun of people all the time for that and then here I am. Ended up meeting a girl on the Internet.

[00:33:23] CHRIS: So you’re in a relationship that’s gone bad and you’re like ‘man, these Tinder people? What a bunch of scrubs’. And then you’re single and you’re like ‘and away we go’.

[00:33:32] CALLER: Yeah, pretty much.

[00:33:34] CHRIS: I’ve always wondered because, I tell you – my wife is so cool. My life is so good with my family. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But Tinder started up about a year after we got together. And I’ve always felt, man, I would have been the king of Tinder in Brooklyn. I absolutely would have been. You wanna hear a weird thing? I’m going to make it about me for a minute. Here’s a very, very strange thing that I’ve heard is true, which is that we once did an episode of our TV show and OkCupid came and helped us out. It was like a dating themed show. And the people who came from OkCupid told me legitimately that if you live in New York City and you list one of your interests as Chris Gethard, it increases the percentage that you are going to get laid. They told me that. They told me that.

[00:34:22] CALLER: Nice. I just took a picture with my dog in it to show that I’m sensitive or whatever.

[00:34:28] CHRIS: You had a dog picture for sensitivity. And let’s be – can I ask, you know, let’s get honest here. Let’s me and you get honest. Now when you’re chatting with people on Tinder are you ever saying like, ‘hey, you know, I’m just kind of, you know, just kind of finding my footing again, because, you know, I got hit by a truck, had this experience. It’s making me kind of reconsider what life’s all about and my priorities’. Are you ever – is that the game you’re spitting ever? Be honest.

[00:34:57] CALLER: I should of. That would have been a lot easier probably.

[00:35:00] CHRIS: You got to talk to me man, I should charge a service.

[00:35:02] CALLER: If I would have put that in my bio that I get hit by semis and make it out alive. No big deal. Let’s go. Let’s go get some coffee or something.

[00:35:10] CHRIS: Wait. Was that your profile or no?

[00:35:14] CALLER: No, I – no, I didn’t put that. I should have, that would have been smart.

[00:35:15] CHRIS: That would be amazing. Oh that’s so bad: ‘I recently got hit by an 18 wheeler and survived. Want to hear about it? Come get coffee. I’ll tell you the whole story’. Boom. Done. Boom.

[00:35:28] CALLER: You know, hindsight is 20/20, I guess. 

[00:35:32] CHRIS: Now M.S. I believe it’s degenerative, right? It can get worse over time?

[00:35:43] CALLER: Yeah, because like, it’s basically just scarring under my long sheaths so that’s why the ones in my spinal cord are really bad because that’s what really leads to disability is because your… Like if you have them in your brain, your brain’s pretty sweet and can make pathways around your scar tissue because of what they do basically. But if you get it in your spinal cord that’s where you get fucked and of course, that’s… It wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy without me having that fun part of it.

[00:36:15] CHRIS: Yeah. And you said you’re – I want to be clear, you said you’re powering through you didn’t love the medications. You’re not on any medications?

[00:36:25] CALLER: Nope. Zero. Just adjusting diet so that neurologist guy or gal that’s out in the audience. Dr. Terry Walls, that’s who I follow. And I eat a lot of leafy greens, which kind of sucks because it’s like nine cups of leafy greens a day. So I get really tired of eating. My jaw hurts all the time, but it’s all right.

[00:36:54] CHRIS: Oh you are charming the room. I got to say – can I, do you mind if I ask the neurologist some questions with that? I don’t want to exploit you and have this other person give me opinions on your story unless you’re okay with me picking his brain, too.

[00:37:10] CALLER: Well, they were right about the neurologist sucking, so yeah go ahead.

[00:37:17] CHRIS: You guys are on the same… Can I ask if, have you – is this something that you’ve heard, that dieting… Like I worry when I hear ‘oh I’m avoiding medication’, it makes me worried to the caller. Does it make you worry to the neurologist in the room?

[00:37:30] NEUROLOGIST: It depends on the person. Meds are usually a good idea. If anyone wants to come with me and tell me they want to change their diet, I’m not going to say no. But there aren’t like a lot of big studies on diets that have shown that they definitely work or help, but there are with some of the medicines.

[00:37:48] CHRIS: Oh, so he’s saying – he sounds like he’s an open minded doctor. He’s saying the thing that worries him is there aren’t really studies on the dieting side of things. But there are studies on the medicine. So that just is a little more confidence boosting, I would say not to put the last few words in your mouth, but that’s what I took away from it. Yeah, but he says still eat well.

[00:38:11] CALLER: Yeah, if I end up in a walker, I’m going to make a pretty bad ass walker and stuff. And if I have a wheelchair it’s gonna be a bad ass wheelchair. So it will be alright. Just make everything bad ass.

[00:38:23] CHRIS: Have you thought about what a bad ass wheelchair would entail? Like do you sit there and go, ‘alright. If it comes to that, here’s what I’m doing’.

[00:38:32] CALLER: We like the Mad Max shit.

[00:38:35] CHRIS: You want to build yourself a Mad Max wheelchair?

[00:38:38] CALLER: Nah, why not? I mean, I got 10 acres to play with. I have to off road a little bit.

[00:38:47] CHRIS: So this… so as you say, I hate to laugh, but you are – You really are not lying when you say you can bring up some funny images in the side of the dark side. But if you start to sense that things are getting worse, one of the final things you’re going to do as you are able to is build a bad ass wheelchair evocative of Mad Max with like a bunch of spikes and like metal skulls on and stuff.

[00:39:16] CALLER: Yeah. Preferably. I don’t want a jazzy Scooter, that doesn’t seem fun.

[00:39:22] CHRIS: I hope you put those truck nuts on it. You know those truck nuts where they hang a couple of…

[00:39:28] CALLER: Yeah I don’t know I’ll do that, those things iritate me. Those belong on Prius’ in San Francisco. Right? 

[00:39:43] [AD BREAK]

[00:40:27] CHRIS: Are you making fun of electric cars in San Francisco?

[00:40:33] CALLER: Yeah. I am.

[00:40:37] CHRIS: Wow. Wow. So let’s see. Oh, people are – I’ll let you know caller, I had to come out – since I’m using Twitter, I have my phone plugged in on stage. And the tech savvy San Franciscans – I mentioned, I dropped it in water recently. Someone’s telling me not to charge it. It’s very dangerous – itt was weeks ago. Someone else is saying, ‘Chris, for real. Unplug your phone once you have enough battery’. All these tech advise people. So funny, it’s all these people with opinions on phones. Oh, here’s a good question. Chance wants to know what’s the craziest thing you’ve done on your ten acres? That’s a good question, because if I had 10 acres and that meant I could do a lot of cool shit that no neighbors would ever hear about, I’d find some crazy stuff to do. You found yourself doing anything crazy?

[00:41:32] CALLER: I mean, I bombed my field with my Volkswagen bus a lot.

[00:41:38] CHRIS: Wait, what?

[00:41:39] CALLER: Sure I piss off the neighbors. Like my front field – I’ll take my Volkswagen bus and go rally out in the field. They go everywhere.

[00:41:47] CHRIS: You just go – you take a Volkswagen bus and just go apeshit in a field.

[00:41:55] CALLER: Yeah. All around my property. It’s like my jeep, I guess, but cooler.

[00:42:03] CHRIS: So, you go off roading on your 10 acres that you’re paying eight dollars a month for?

[00:42:10] CALLER: It’s six ninety nine but yeah. Six nine.

[00:42:12] CHRIS: Six nine? Your mortgage is $699 a month?

[00:42:18] CALLER: I’m joking Chris, come on.

[00:42:20] CHRIS: Oh, thank God.

[00:42:22] CALLER: It was just me being a jerk jackass that’s all that.

[00:42:24] CHRIS: OK. Thank you. I almost blew a fucking gasket on that one. That’s pretty funny. Oh, now you mentioned your neighbors are they like, Is everybody out there on 10 acres? Like, are you living like out there with the doomsday preppers? What’s going on out there?

[00:42:39] CALLER: Yeah it’s pretty much everyone’s in 10 acre plots, so you don’t really, I don’t really talk to them.

[00:42:48] CHRIS: Yeah, you don’t – nobody’s move into that environment because they want to come stop by and have a coffee klatch with the neighbors. People are looking to build a bunker and hunker down.

[00:43:01] CALLER: Yeah, exactly. That’s why I’m out here. I like to be away from people. So it works out pretty sweet.

[00:43:07] CHRIS: That’s interesting because you’re such a… You’re a very charming guy and a well-spoken guy with an interesting story. Why do you want to be away from people?

[00:43:18] CALLER: I don’t know, I just always grew up out on the farm. So city life just doesn’t appeal to me. I grew up on 194 acres, so 10 acres is a downgrade, I suppose.

[00:43:32] CHRIS: Like your dad’s like ‘son, you’re dropping the ball. You only have 10 acres of land’. You grew up on one hundred and ninety four acres?

[00:43:42] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:43:43] CHRIS: Did you like own your own county? What are you talking about?

[00:43:48] CALLER: No… I mean, 193 wasn’t that big where I grew up. So. I’m talking ranches and tens of thousands of acres that people own.

[00:44:00] CHRIS: Oh, so this is like Texas, Oklahoma – like people have big ranches?

[00:44:05] CALLER: Yeah, in the Midwest.

[00:44:07] CHRIS: You owned – what is life like… I grew up…

[00:44:10] CALLER: I didn’t own it, I was just… I hung out by myself a lot and dug holes. That’s what I did. I didn’t have any friends, really, I just hung out with myself. When I was nine, I hit groundwater. I dug a 18 foot deep hole when I was 9 years old. So that’s what I did.

[00:44:35] CHRIS: For fun or it was like a thing you had to do as part of your chores, tending to this massive amount of land that you’re claiming is not massive? Even though everyone in this room lives in a WeWork.

[00:44:47] CALLER: Nah, it was just for fun. I used to make forts out of the holes I dug. I would go catch snakes and thrown them down in the hole as like a snake pit. Lots of normal kid things you know.

[00:44:56] CHRIS: When you were nine? Wait, when you were nine, you dug an 18 foot deep hole? How tall were you when you were nine? 

[00:45:09] CALLER: Not that tall, but they have things called ladders.

[00:45:13] CHRIS: So for fun as a child, you would by yourself dig holes so deep that you would then place ladders in the holes. And then once you kept digging, how would you transport the dirt out? Because you were a little sarcastic with me but are you climbing back up the ladder with big buckets of dirt?

[00:45:30] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:45:32] CHRIS: I was just playing Nintendo like a little asshole.

[00:45:39] CALLER: Well, you know, I don’t know. I just hung out outside all the time, and that’s all.

[00:45:46] CHRIS: Oh, my goodness. You are a specimen. A specimen. Some other questions coming in. Stan Pineapple says they are updating their bio to see if my lines work in San Francisco. Oh, Katie says, ‘does mentioning our interest in you on apps increase lady’s chances with guys or vise versa or both? I may need to update my profile’. I don’t know. I believe it goes both ways, at least in New York. Here’s a very California question: ‘No meds? Not even weed?’

[00:46:22] CALLER: No, no weed.

[00:46:24] CHRIS: Really?

[00:46:24] CALLER: I wish I could partake, but I can’t with my job.

[00:46:26] CHRIS: Oh with your job. See that’s a bummer. So it’s not legal medically where you are? Because I know in New Jersey it’s very, very strict, but it’s legal medically for very few things but M.S. is one of them.

[00:46:40] CALLER: Well, I wish that was the case here, but it’s not so.

[00:46:44] CHRIS: Hey, Doc in the audience. Is this – is this medicine that is worth considering? [audience talking] ‘I’m not going to tell anyone, no’. [audience noise] So some patients love it, some don’t. Now, you can’t use it for your job because – which is a shame because I tell you what, you dedicate like half an acre I bet you’re set for the year.

[00:47:11] CALLER: You know, I thought about that.

[00:47:12] CHRIS: You have? You thought about farming marijuana on your 10 acres?

[00:47:17] CALLER: Yeah. Why not? There’s good money in it, right? I would get like tax breaks on my property, right?

[00:47:26] CHRIS: That would be the ultimate twist. That would be the ultimate twist if by the end of this call you’re like, ‘you know what? I think I’m go ahead and dedicate myself to becoming a marijuana cultivating kingpin in my area of the world’. That would be a real twist no one saw coming.

[00:47:44] CALLER: Have a weed farm that I can’t partake in? Yeah.

[00:47:48] CHRIS: The ultimate blue ball experience.

[00:47:54] CALLER: Smells wonderful every morning when the wind wafted into my house. Yeah.

[00:47:59] CHRIS: Dude, something really wild just came up. Priscila is what you tweeted at me true? 

[00:48:06] PRISCILA: Yeah.

[00:48:07] CHRIS: So there’s someone in the audience right now who’s giving you an offer. Priscilla is saying she has previous to today built someone a velociraptor wheelchair. And you tweeted a picture. That’s a picture of the wheelchair you built?

[00:48:20] PRISCILA: That was in progress. It was a volunteer job for a magic wheelchair for kids who need costumes for their wheelchairs.

[00:48:28] CHRIS: So you worked as a volunteer building costumes for kids who utilize wheelchairs. And you are willing, if our caller wants it someday, to build him a velociraptor wheelchair. Now, if he still wants to go in the Mad Max direction, do you feel like that still matches your skill set?

[00:48:42] PRISCILA: He should sign up and we can give it a try.

[00:48:44] CHRIS: All right. And what’s this organization?

[00:48:48] PRISCILA: It’s called Magic Wheelchair.

[00:48:50] CHRIS: Magic Wheelchair. That sounds like a beautiful thing. Helping kids. Is that for just in general to make them feel like more inclined or is it more of a Halloween thing?

[00:49:01] PRISCILA: Yeah. It’s to feel empowered. They wear it to like cosplays, you know, to different comic cons and Halloween stuff. And then sometimes even just a school parade.

[00:49:11] CHRIS: Ah school parades. For anybody listening, school parades, comic cons, Halloween, just to feel empowered every once in a while. I realize the world is a cool place where sometimes you help kids by building dinosaur wheelchairs. That’s fucking awesome. Thank you for doing that. We’ve got the hookup for you here, sir. Someone wants to know how big you are because Meghan says she’s picturing a Midwestern hulk deflecting semi-trucks and excavating acres as a giant child.

[00:49:42] CALLER: I’m like 6 foot, 300 pounds. So, pretty accurate.

[00:49:47] CHRIS: And eating nine cups of greens a day. I wonder… yeah. That – I’m 5’7” and a wimpy 150. I wonder, is this a thing that’s come up having M.S.: if it does degenerate further, does being someone who is that size, is that going to make it harder?

[00:50:11] CALLER: I mean, I don’t know. I don’t – I try not to really look into it all that much anymore. When I first got diagnosed, I was looking into like all the, you know, groups and all that stuff, but it’s just not for me. I don’t – I mean, I went up to like a specialty clinic and the first time I went to it is like, it’s like in a zombie movie because there’s like nobody there. I was the only person in the waiting room except for the nurse. It was like the most bizarre thing. And that’s when you go to, like, the psychologist there at the clinic, because it’s like one of the first things you have to do, I guess, is when you get diagnosed and I don’t do well with my humor with medical professionals because they don’t have the sense of humor that I do. Because I was looking around, I was talking to a psychiatrist and she’s like, ‘what are you looking for?’ I said I’m looking for the European guys to jump out of the wall and throw a straitjacket on me.

[00:51:12] CHRIS: The European guy…

[00:51:16] CALLER: What’s that?

[00:51:17] CHRIS: But here’s the thing: the doctor’s probably scared. If you’re telling your psychologists, like ‘I’m waiting for a European man to jump out of the wall and throw a straitjacket on me’. And he or she doesn’t know you’re joking. And you’re six foot, 300 pounds. They must be like, who is this angry union member who I’m pissing off right now?

[00:51:38] CALLER: Hey they gave me the green light so that’s cool. But then the second time I went, I saw all these people in various stages of it. And that’s kind of the – that’s why I’m not very ‘oh woe is me’. Because when I was up, there’s people that can’t do anything on their own and I’m walking and talking and, you know, I have my difficulties – like I write like I’m 3 years old again because I can’t feel my right hand. But, you know, that’s it. That’s pretty, I’m doing pretty darn well. So that’s why I never really got into the support groups because, I don’t know, I’m not a ‘oh woe is me’ person, I never have been so I just kind of, just take care of my own thing and do it. I mean, if that’s what people need, that’s great. That’s just not my style. I just come out to my property and hang out and do stuff, build things and keep busy and keep my mind off of it and that’s what I try to do.

[00:52:46] CHRIS: Well, I mean, I really applaud it. And if you are able to do it yourself, I think that’s commendable. But I will just also go on record and say that if you’re not really into doctors, you’re not really into medicine, I do just hope that you are genuinely putting yourself in a place to keep an eye on everything as best as possible, because you’re such a likeable guy and I don’t want to think about you hiding from that stuff in a way that might make it worse…

[00:53:13] CALLER: In a sweet velociraptor wheelchair? I mean, that sounds pretty cool. You like only if the velociraptors like the old cartoon, the dino writers. You remember like the cool toys and they have like rockets and all that stuff on them. If the velociraptor wheelchairs like that, I’m all in, you know. That’s cool. 

[00:53:31] CHRIS: Now if you – someday this is gonna go down and you’re going to have a velociraptor wheelchair and we’re gonna make sure it’s outfitted for outdoor like road tripping. And in your area, local teens will begin to tell the story of the 6 foot, 300 pound half man, half velociraptor that zips around in the woods of the area.

[00:53:57] CALLER: I mean, I’d be down for that. That’d be kind of fun.

[00:54:02] CHRIS: I would love that. I would love to be an urban legend. I’ve often thought about how I would love to become some sort of urban legend. I’ve thought about making my tombstone say ‘be warned, all ye who walk upon this grave shall be haunted by my ghost forever’ just to encourage local teens to break into my cemetery and fuck with my grave. I think that would be cool.

[00:54:24] CALLER: There you go. I’d just be the weird velociraptor thing creeping in and out of the woods. Probably get hit by another semi. Probably not fare so well that time though.

[00:54:40] CHRIS: Oh, you are – I will say – one of the darkest days of you ever in the history of this show. In the history of the show. If you… Oh, God, the image of you: a victorious moment where you ride away in your velociraptor wheelchair and on your way back to your land, just… What a dark, awful thing to think about, sir. Kudos to you for that horrific image.

[00:55:06] CALLER: Well, you know, that front of the truck is going to be pretty messed up. I’m not a small guy, so that’ll help in my final hurrah. I guess if I do go out that way, at least I’ll do some damage.

[00:55:18] CHRIS: You ever hear like that old all those old Chuck Norris memes? You’re like one of those. You’re like, this guy’s so bad ass that when a semi hits him, the semis the one that gets fucked up.

[00:55:36] CALLER: I’m just lucky. I mean, it shifted the front of that that truck I was in eight inches. The whole frame of that truck moved eight inches to the driver’s side. So that’s pretty cool that I survived, but then the not so cool part is, is like the lawsuit versus that driver kind of screwed up. Because if you ever have an auto immune disease, everybody wants to target that as the problem and not the fact that you did get hit by a semi.

[00:56:08] CHRIS: So they tried to turn around and say, you just found out you had M.S., that must mean you were the bad driver?

[00:56:16] CALLER: They just determined that everything that, all issues I’ve had because – well I never went to the hospital for the actual semi accident. Like I just went home. I sat on the side of the road in my supervisor’s truck for like four hours while they did paperwork and then I was like, I just want to go home. I refused the ambulance cause I just wanted to go home.

[00:56:38] CHRIS: Are you fucking Paul Bunyan? What is going on? You dug 18 foot holes when you were nine. This sounds like a story, a tall tale. He gets hit by trucks and walks home in the snow, digs an 18 foot hole, tells the livestock they got to wait a while. He’s still got shit to do.

[00:56:57] CALLER: The ironic thing is I was heading to a fire station to plow their driveway so the emergency vehicles could get out. I was like a block and a half away when I got hit by the semi and the ambulance that showed up was the guys from that fire station and medic unit and I was busting their balls the whole time. Said ‘damn guys, I wouldn’t have gotten hit if I wouldn’t have been coming to save you’. So yeah.

[00:57:24] CHRIS: You should have been like, what took so long? And then they’d have to be like, ‘our driveway hasn’t been plowed yet’.

[00:57:31] CALLER: Yeah, pretty much.

[00:57:32] CHRIS: So you just went home? You get hit by a semi-truck. You don’t even go to the hospital to get checked out initially?

[00:57:43] CALLER: No, they did like a – I mean, I could feel my toes and stuff, so I thought I was… I didn’t want to be in a hospital bed. I wanted to be at home. I like comfort you know so I want to go to my own house, I don’t want to sit in the E.R. for eight hours.

[00:58:00] CHRIS: You mentioned you’re from the Midwest, right?

[00:58:04] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:58:05] CHRIS: For any of our international listeners, this is a very Midwestern guy. Just hard, hard working stock. You’re like a tall tale. But you’ve got to go to the hospital when you get hit by a semi-truck. You’ve got to take medicine when you have an auto immune disease. No one can be this bad ass. It’s not healthy, man.

[00:58:32] CALLER: You know, I’m still walking. So it might not be healthy, but it’s working for me I suppose.

[00:58:39] CHRIS: I have never in my life dealt with adversity with even one tenth of your ability to just stay the course and keep moving forward. It’s really quite impressive. We got about five minutes left. What else should we talk about? Anything else you want to get on record?

[00:58:54] CALLER: I mean, I don’t know. Damn that went fast.

[00:58:58] CHRIS: Yeah. Someone out here is saying you deserve a bad ass dog companion. I think that means they’re viewing you almost like a mythological figure who needs your own sidekick, like they want you to effectively have your version of Babe the Blue Ox.

[00:59:12] CALLER: Well I have a dog but she’s just kind of a – she’s a pain in the ass. She’s too smart. She’s smarter than me. So it doesn’t help things when she figures out how to go through electrical fences and open doors and stuff.

[00:59:24] CHRIS: Your dog opens doors? And defeats electrical fences? Even your dog is bad ass?

[00:59:33] CALLER: The invisible fences that you put in the ground? I put those in to kind of keep her somewhat around the house because there’s like a lot of coyotes here. And one day I was like just out there picking weeds and stuff. And she like sat in the yard, looked at me, looked at the fence, looked at me, and then just ran right through the fence. So that $400 system amounted to nothing. It lasted a month of her actually being contained by it. And then after that done.

[01:00:02] CHRIS: I would, I couldn’t – it wouldn’t even shock me if you were like, you think I’m bad ass because I got hit by a semi, my dog got hit by a train and was fucking fine. I wouldn’t even be shocked if you said something like that.

[01:00:14] CALLER: Yeah. She hasn’t been hit by a train.

[01:00:17] CHRIS: I want to ask you what kind of dog you have. And I hope you’re about to be like, oh, it’s a pug or a labradoodle. I’m really hoping.

[01:00:26] CALLER: Nah, she’s a German Shepherd Bullmastiff mix. She was supposed to be this giant 120 pound dog like massive, but she’s only about 40 pounds. I don’t know what happened, but she’s pretty awesome.

[01:00:43] CHRIS: So again, just to keep building the legend. You’re a 6 foot, 300 pound guy who used to dig 18 foot holes when you were 9. You got hit by a semi-truck and went home without stopping at the hospital. And you got a 120 pound dog who can defeat electric fences.

[01:01:00] CALLER: No, she’s not 120 pounds, that’s what she’s supposed to be. She’s only 40.

[01:01:01] CHRIS: She’s getting there though right?

[01:01:02] CALLER: No, she’s fully grown. She’s the runt of the litter, and so she’s good. She’s smart. So it works out pretty sweet. Cause I’ve had issues where I fell like going outside and so I’m like passed out from something and my dog just hangs out there too. Like everyone thinks she’s a service dog cause I have like a tactical vest for her. But I have a patch on it says ‘drastically fucked’. And people, you know, they think it’s all cute until they read that patch and then they realize, ‘oh, this not a service dog’.

[01:01:40] I want to ask you something honest. And you can be very honest in your answer. You’re living on 10 acres with your big dog and this kind of life that – it’s just so interesting to me that you and I live in the same country. Born and raised. And we’re living two totally different lives. When you see someone like me living in a city as big as New York in a one bedroom apartment where there’s 17 other people who live on my hallway and I take trains every day where I’m shoulder to shoulder with other human beings. And if you’ve listen to this podcast, you know, I sit and stress about everything, whereas you manage to handle massive life adversity with just a can-do spirit and you just buckle down and grit it out. When you see city people like me living the way I’m living, what do you think about us?

[01:02:34] CALLER: Better you than me.

[01:02:44] CHRIS: Short but sweet.

[01:02:48] CALLER: I just don’t do well in the city, so that’s why I’m not there. 

[01:02:53] CHRIS: Man. Nobody’s ever made me want to leave New York more than you. But I can’t – OK. Do you know what I look like? Have you ever seen me?

[01:03:04] CALLER: Yeah, I have. I watch the Chris Gethard show.

[01:03:08] CHRIS: Be honest, how deep do you think I could dig a hole before I’d give up and complain about it?

[01:03:15] CALLER: Three and a half feet.

[01:03:16] CHRIS: Three and a half feet? Round of applause: who thought it was gonna be less than that? [big applause] Me too. Me too. I say 18 inches max before I’m like, ‘I’m depressed. I want to go lay down in bed’. Listen, we’ve got 30 seconds left. I just want to thank you, you’ve managed to get a bunch of big laughs, via charm and grace, while also telling us about a ton of really difficult stuff that no one would ever wish upon you. And I want to thank you for being so honest and for sharing and for, I think, inspiring a lot of people hearing this to keep fighting and moving forward in the face of their challenges.

[01:04:03] CALLER: I don’t know, well thank you Chris, I appreciate your podcast. It’s a good kind of, it’s a good – like I said, I don’t… maybe 20 people know about M.S. that know me personally. So this was kind of a cool thing to get off my chest and kind of just let it go.

[01:04:21] CHRIS: Happy to provide. Happy to provide. [PHONE RING]

[01:04:22] CHRIS: Thank you so much. Really means a lot. Sending you my best. Stay healthy. Please take care of yourself and stay healthy. Caller, thank you so much for calling in, taking a chance on doing it at a live show and letting us know about all the different things you’ve dealt with. Your story is clearly one of resilience and I think a lot of people are going to take a lot away from it. So thanks for opening up. Thanks to everybody who came out and attended live in San Francisco. Hey, if you want to attend a Beautiful Anonymous live, why not just bite the bullet? Beautifulcononymous.com. Brooklyn, New York in May. Beautifulcononymous. Everybody’s getting together. See you out there. Thanks to Jared O’Connell. Thanks to San Francisco sketch fest. Thanks to everybody who helps with the show. Thanks to Shellshag for the music. Want to know more about me? ChrisGeth.com. Rate, review, subscribe on Apple podcasts – really helps when you do.

[01:05:21] [TRANSITION MUSIC] Kiss me face-to-face.