EP. 130 — My Year of Sexploration

CHRIS [00:01:39] Hello to all my Chicken McNugget fans. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.

THEME MUSIC [00:01:49] I’d rather go one on one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

CHRIS [00:02:03] Hello, everybody. Chris Gethard here, welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous, I’m recording this introduction from a living room in my AirBnB in London, England. I’m sitting in a flat. It’s not an apartment, it’s a flat. Last night, Jared and I we did our live taping at the London Podcast Festival Hundred’s You guys came out. So nice to see you all there. Hope you had a good time. Thanks for coming. Some of you guys waited for me after the show and I I feel so bad I had to run to another show. They had me doing stand up right afterwards. So I was in the lobby. I’m just like, thank you all for coming and I’m so sorry. I have to go. Goodbye. I felt very rude and even more rude because I’m in England where people are not rude. People are nice. These shows have been wonderful. I apologize to everybody who I ran away from. Thank you guys so much for coming. What a lovely, wonderful time I had in London. And I’m going out on the road again. Some more dates. I got in October starting October 16th. I’m doing Brooklyn, Boston, Los Angeles. Los Angeles is a live Beautiful Anonymous taping. The rest are stand up, but L.A. I’m finally doing L.A. I haven’t done a show there in years. October 24th live Beautiful Anonymous taping. Also doing San Francisco and Portland, Oregon after that. Those are all in October. Chrisgeth.com. You can buy my book there. You can also preorder the book. It would be much appreciated if you did. My publishing company is telling me we’re not getting the sales we need. So I’m continuing to plug it. A lot of people asking if I’m doing the audio on the audiobook. Yes, I am. And I’m also including a bunch of bonus content where I interview people mentioned in the book. This week’s episode, it’s interesting. It’s from a caller we’ve heard from before, which also I want to tell you guys, later this year, probably late October, sometime in November, we’re gonna be releasing a whole bunch of episodes on Stitcher Premium where we’re doing follow ups with past callers. We’re taking some of the most popular, some of the most memorable, some of the most controversial callers we’ve ever had. And it’s going to be we’re doing a whole series of Beautiful Follow-ups. It’s going to be on Stitcher Premium. That’s also where a whole back catalog is and a whole bunch of our live touring shows. So a lot of reasons for Beautiful Anonymous fans to want to check it out. You’re gonna want to sign up because you’re gonna hear from some old friends. We’re hearing from an old friend today, but we’re not releasing this one as a follow up because I didn’t think it really tied in so much. This is a person who’s changed a lot. I think it was probably about a year ago or so. We talked with a marching band teacher who I think a lot of the fans will remember ’cause she had chug a ton of caffeine before calling and just barraged us with information about her teaching career and marching band and all this stuff. She called back and said she wanted to talk about something very different. We didn’t really talk about teaching at all. We talked about how she has experienced a sexual awakening and has really learned how to embrace her own sexuality, explore her own sexuality with no shame. And I’m just gonna go ahead and say this one gets into it. If you’re at work, you’re going to want to throw those headphones on. If you’re around your kids right now, you might want to push pause and wait until you put them to bed. Cause this one get’s pretty graphic. It’s not safe for work. I don’t think it’s obscene and I don’t think it’s over the line, but it’s certainly frank. The caller is giving a big thumbs up to the idea of sexual freedom. And as you will hear, some nitty gritty specifics about that do come out. So I enjoy this call greatly. It’s good to hear from our old friend. We’ll hear from more old friends in the Beautiful Follow-ups series coming out later this year. Enjoy this call.

PHONE ROBOT [00:05:21] Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. [BEEP]

CHRIS [00:05:28] Hello.

CALLER [00:05:32] Yeah. Yep. Hello.

CHRIS [00:05:38] Hi.

CALLER [00:05:40] Holy shit. What’s up?

CHRIS [00:05:43] You having a little transaction over there?

CALLER [00:05:45] Yeah. I’m getting lunch. Oh. Yeah. So I’m getting I’m getting lunch right now and I’m so sorry you have to listen to me.

CHRIS [00:05:55] That’s ok.

CALLER [00:05:55] So how’s your day going?

CHRIS [00:05:56] How’s my day going? That’s an interesting question. I’m going to go ahead and say overall pretty good. I would say overall pretty good.

CALLER [00:06:03] Awesome.

CHRIS [00:06:04] Yeah. How about yours?

CALLER [00:06:04] Did you do your Brazillian Jiu Jitsu yet today?

CHRIS [00:06:08] No, I’m gonna try to take a class later tonight. I actually got out of town for a few days. Me and me and the wife got out of town, needed to clear our heads a bit. And we drove back today. We did it in the middle of a week cause I’ve been going out and doing so much standup on the weekends that we said, you know, we need to, I’m working all the weekends. We need to have a weekend in the middle of the week. And we’re lucky to be able to do that. So we did it. We drove back today. Long drive to get here in time.

CALLER [00:06:33] Where did you guys go?

CHRIS [00:06:36] We went upstate. The Hudson Valley.

CALLER [00:06:40] OK cool.

CHRIS [00:06:42] It’s a very beautiful area of New York.

CALLER [00:06:45] I don’t know where that is.

CHRIS [00:06:45] It’s about you get up north in New York. I think. I think people say like even West Chester is considered the Hudson Valley. Just north of New York becomes the Hudson Valley. We were in the Catskills. You ever hear of the Catskills?

CALLER [00:06:58] Oh, yeah.

CHRIS [00:06:59] Yeah, that’s where we were. Up near Woodstock.

CALLER [00:07:04] I’m like about to get my food, so I like don’t want you to get interrupted with whatever you’re going say.

CHRIS [00:07:09] That’s ok.

CALLER [00:07:10] Thank you. I’m having lunch, I’m so sorry everyone. This is like so boring.

CHRIS [00:07:16] No, it’s okay. What are you. What did you get? What did you get for lunch?

CALLER [00:07:21] I’m getting, I got chicken nuggets. Cause I’m a child, so. All right. So, actually, I.

CHRIS [00:07:32] Hold on, like chicken nuggets from McDonald’s?

CALLER [00:07:37] Uh huh.

CHRIS [00:07:37] Wow.

CALLER [00:07:39] I know.

CHRIS [00:07:39] I haven’t had one of those in like 25 years.

CALLER [00:07:44] I mean, that’s me for like a year and so I was like when I have some time and I just moved to this town where I like don’t know anything. I’m like driving along the main drag here and trying to figure out like, where can I get something fast? Because I live on hold here. I didn’t want to, like, go into somewhere where it’s going to take me a while. So I was like that will be really fast and the line is short.   

CHRIS [00:08:08] I’m just kidding around. I don’t really care that you eat chicken nuggets, eat away. They’re delicious. So you were saying.

CALLER [00:08:16] OK, so I am a return caller. And I didn’t tell Harry that, but I am. But it’s the first day of school and I’m a teacher.

CHRIS [00:08:28] Hold on a second.

CALLER [00:08:30] And I’m in a new school this year.

CHRIS [00:08:31] First of all, mean to tell you, old Harry Nelson on the other side of the glass threw his hands up when you said return caller. I think he feels duped. I think he feels a little duped. A little betrayed. I think he feels like-.

CALLER [00:08:43] I’m sorry Harry.

CHRIS [00:08:44] I think he feels like his his integrity at his job has now been called into question.

CALLER [00:08:49] No, no. I definitely it. I mean, I didn’t lie, but I definitely withheld that information because before I called, and I’m like, “Hi I’m a returned caller” and they were like, which one? And I told them they’re like, oh OK, and then they didn’t put me on. I was like Ok fine. Fair.

CHRIS [00:09:03] Which call what was it?

CALLER [00:09:07] Marching band teacher.

CHRIS [00:09:08] Oh, yes. You’re the person who, ou talk very fast.

CALLER [00:09:12] Right. I hopefully have calmed down. I was very excited, but like I just said, like again, God damn it. That episode came out literally right after the Facebook group did. And I had so much anxiety about it cause everyone was like there, there was not a ton of moderation as far as how how people should interact because it was so new. And not that the moderators are doing a bad job. But it was so new. And so people were just saying. I remember there was like a post of some woman calling me a moron.

CHRIS [00:09:50] Oh, that’s not nice.

CALLER [00:09:51] So I was following every single post.

CHRIS [00:09:53] That sucks. We’ve really cleaned up.

CALLER [00:09:56] It was not great for my self esteem.

CHRIS [00:09:57] I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry. And I’ll tell you that the moderators in that group now, we all had to figure out how to rangle it. It’s almost 30000 people in there. And none of us expected that. And they’re doing a great job now. They’re doing a great job now.

CALLER [00:10:11] They are. Yes, they are. But that first week, man, it was rough.

CHRIS [00:10:17] Yes yes.

CALLER [00:10:17] So if you said something bad about me, totally not super nice, but it’s OK. I read every single post because I just wanted to see what people said about me. I was super insecure at that time. And I wanted people to like me. But I think it’s been two years. I want to say, maybe.

CHRIS [00:10:35] Wow well it’s good to talk to you again.

CALLER [00:10:38] Yeah, I was. I know it was two years because I was teaching in a different place. I have had I was I was in a part of the United States that I’ve never been before. I was in the southwest part of the United States. And then I moved to the Midwest and I took a job. And then now I have a new one. I was only at that one place for a year before I moved here to that’s a bigger city. And it’s actually where I wanted to be originally. So I left a job after a year, which normally doesn’t happen for teachers. But, you know, this job came open and it was kind of an anomaly for me because I had applied for it before. So I was thinking, I’m just gonna go for it. So I went for it and they gave it to me. So I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the Midwest where I’m from.

CHRIS [00:11:20] Nice. Still teaching band? still teaching music?

CALLER [00:11:23] Yeah. I sure am.

CHRIS [00:11:25] I just watched, there’s a Netflix series about the Bathune-Cookman College marching band. I just watched the whole thing.

CALLER [00:11:34] Is that, that’s a documentary you said?

CHRIS [00:11:36] It’s like a reality series. I think it’s called Marching Orders. I forget the Bethune Cookman. We’re gonna look it up. It was good. It was entertaining. They go big. They go big.

CALLER [00:11:47] Yeah. So I think last time we talked a lot about marching band and you talked about your experience. And, well we can touch on that again. But I feel like we rehash. I have so many other things going on, like with my personal life after moving here. And I don’t know what Harry told you about my, like my well, like when I said, hey, please put me on like what I said to him to implore you to put me on.

CHRIS [00:12:16] I don’t know anything. No I just get blindsided by stuff. What do you got? Also, I appreciate how you’re running the show. You’re running the show. You said we could talk about the things you could touch on, the things you want to talk about. But I’m gonna go ahead and lead the charge. I like it.

CALLER [00:12:32] I tend to do that in my life. So, yeah, I hope that’s OK.

CHRIS [00:12:38] So what do we got? What’s this thing you told Harry?

CALLER [00:12:41] Hey, I’m a new teacher at the school. It’s the first day school, blah, blah, blah. And just how you, know I’ve recently started going back to back to therapy. And what that means for me, like as a 31 year old woman who’s single and I’m like sort of dating people again. And I started online dating. And there’s been a lot of experiences that I’ve had. And like and I talked to my therapist about this and she’s this like empowered feminist woman and I love her. And that’s why I called her and so I tell her about some of these experiences and what it means for me and my past relationships. And I called this year like my year of sexploration because I’m just like experiencing all these new things. And I’ve never gone through this phase before where you just like I’m I’m not being slutty because I don’t believe in slut shaming, but like, I’m definitely just like super sexually liberated. And it feels awesome and it feels like I’m taking back that word slut and taking back, you know, all of that. Like women we can, you know, do what we want and feel okay with it and not feel like we’re being judged by men. But it still happens and it sucks sometimes. But I feel comfortable with what I’m doing and I feel like there’s definitely men who are shitty and treat people like garbage. And I feel like it’s part of my job as a woman and I happen to also be an educator to educate these men on some of this, things that they say to us in ways that they treat us and ways that they expect things out of us that maybe we’re not comfortable giving. And so it’s frustrating sometimes and it feels kind of lonely to say those things to people, especially when they’re just like, whatever, you bitch. But it feels good then to educate people. And maybe you’re making a small difference in the world of men who are being shitty. And not all men are shitty. I know, but some of them are. But it’s like a journey that I, I’m trying to go through.

CHRIS [00:14:46] So you’re going through a sexploration journey and then trying to expand, expand the things you’re so you’re you’re having a sexplorarization phase, you’re taking the things you learn and you’re formulating how to pass on the knowledge and philosophy of this phase of your life. Wow. OK.

CALLER [00:15:06] And for my own, like, figure out what I like and figure out what makes my boundaries are. And there’s been definitely situations where I push my boundaries. And that was kind of interesting. But yeah, it’s been fun.

CHRIS [00:15:23] Okay. I mean, I don’t want to be crass, but I do have to ask you. I mean, you’re floating it out there. You say you’ve pushed some boundaries and it’s been fun. What are we talking here?

CALLER [00:15:33] OK. So some of it has been fun. Some of it has not been fun, I can tell you a not fun story. Like right off the bat, you know. So I was like chatting with this guy. And like, I don’t really have time to meet people in public. And I am kind of introverted anyway. So I just like meet people online but this guy was talking me and he was like, yeah, I really [UNCLEAR].

CHRIS [00:16:01] Wait, hold on. It sounded like you just went like underwater. Are you there?

CALLER [00:16:06] Oh, yes. Yes, sorry. Maybe my finger was covering the speaker.

CHRIS [00:16:12] [laughs] Yes. Your finger was covering the speaker hole. Indeed. I do like that I was like tell me your risque sexual stories and you’re like my finger covered the hole.

CALLER [00:16:29] [laughs] Yeah, OK. That definitely has happened. Oh, OK. [laughs] So this guy was like, I’m looking forward to be in a relationship with somebody and to make sure that they can do what I prefer sexually, which is like you want to be sexually compatible with somebody. And so he’s like, I really like to take charge. And I’m like, OK, that’s fine. As you may have already figured out, like, I take charge a lot in my own life, but I’ve been in sexual situations where the man wants to take charge and wants to be like, “and you’re gonna do this” and blah, blah, blah. And I’m not going to be very graphic right now just cause I don’t feel comfortable just yet. But he wanted to be like dominant basically and have me be submissive and I’m not a submissive person. And like it was very much like like what you would read in the trashy Fifty Shades of Gray book. That’s exactly what he was describing. And I was like, I don’t know that I feel comfortable with it. And a lot of the things he’s saying of all these fantasies where, “what if you came home from work? And I was naked on the couch and then you threw me and I just watched it happen. And then I came in your mouth.” And I’m like, I don’t like what’s in it for me also, because, like, I’m happy to, you know, give oral sex, but like also reciprocating is cool and like making a lady feel good is awesome, if you’re like a respectable dude. Are you OK chris, are you blushing right now?

CHRIS [00:18:07] I’m doing great. I’m doing great. I’m. I’m chillin. I’m chilling. Yeah.

CALLER [00:18:12] Ok yeah I just want to make sure that you’re feeling comfortable and OK.

CHRIS [00:18:15] I’m feeling very comfortable and ok. Thank you for checking in. I feel like this is part of the process that you’re describing is a similar level of checking in with your partner.

CALLER [00:18:22] Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Like in all facets of life, like maybe a disclaimer at the beginning of the thing is like this is not safe for work. Probably for the episode.

CHRIS [00:18:34] I have a feeling this. It might be it might be smart for us to just go this is going to be one of the more X-rated episodes we’ve had so that now you can feel permission, you know, go where you want without shocking callers.

CALLER [00:18:46] All right. OK. People are going to listen to the previous episode and be like this, “this is the same person?”

CHRIS [00:18:56] OK, so you got this dominant guy.

CALLER [00:19:01] OK. All right. So anyway, so I was going to meet him. We were gonna have lunch together and just kind of see if we vibe right at first and then so I start my car to go and then my car didn’t start. And I was like, oh, shit. So I called him and I said, hey, my car’s not running. And I don’t really know anybody. So he came over to my house and he tried to drive my car. And it turns out my battery was super corroded. I had to get a new battery. So luckily, I had a friend who lived here in town and I went to her house because she’s out of the country and I, like, borrowed her car. We’re like best friends and I had a key to her house. So I texted her and was like, “hey I’m gonna need you car cause I have to go back to work.” It was no big deal. And then the next day I was like, “hey thank you for helping and I really appreciate it. Maybe we should. You know, reschedule and hang out again.” And I went to his house and I went back to, he has a really, really nice house. And I went to his like back living room, he has a back living room that like doubled as watching movies and like him working out and stuff. And so so I started using my hands on him, which is what he wanted initially. And then he then he started saying things like, “why are wearing your ring, take your ring off. Why would you even wear your ring?” So I was like, okay. I felt really weird cause he kept giving me these demands like get on your knees. Take off your ring. Do this now. Slow down. Speed up, now use your mouth. And so I followed his orders, it was very bizarre because I felt like I could not say no. I definitely consented. But when I got there, I felt like I could not say no. So that was definitely a moment of like, I feel like I’m being sexually assaulted right now. It was so bizarre because I’ve never been in a situation where somebody ordered me around like that. And I said, oh, yeah, sure. So it was it was kind of jarring for me. And I talked to my therapist about it. And like there was another time when I was sexually assaulted by, like, my boyfriend at the time, and that was the whole thing. But it was not great. And so I do what he asked. But like he never kissed me, you know, like none of my clothes. I was purely a vessel for his pleasure and it was disgusting. So afterwards, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. We went out to this front living room and he’s like watching some video of like these buff dudes like talking about lifting. And he’s like, “do you think that guy is sexy?” And i was like no, no, he’s like kind of big like a lot. Not really cute. And and then he was like trying to make small talk with me. And then I was acting weird cause I was processing this thing that had just happened to me. And he’s like, what’s going on? What’s wrong with you? And I didn’t have an answer cause I didn’t It know how to say it cause this is the second time I had met this guy. I didn’t know how I could approach this subject of I feel like I was violated just now. Because he you know, we had talked about, you know, in the bedroom, this is how I, this is how he wanted to act. This is how he wanted me to act. You know, my regular life, I could be who I wanted to be. And I was like that sounds good. With hindsight, that’s kind of a red flag. And so he was kind of treating me like nothing had happened and I was trying to process it. And then I finally started speaking up and then he goes, “Oh, now you want to talk?” And then I mean, this face like, whoa, what? And then he like mocks my face. And did the same face to me, and was making fun of me. And then I got really weird and closed off and I said, OK, you know, I have to go like I have to go meet the Internet guy. And then he got mad at me for acting weird and like “I don’t know why you’re acting so weird. You wanted this. You’re the one who texted me.” And I was like dude, it’s just that you made me feel like an object. And I didn’t feel great. And so he’s like, whatever. And I said, whatever. So I left and I shut the door. And then I was like you know what? Wait, you’re not going to do this. You’re not going to let some man sit there and dictate to you how you feel. I went back in and I rapped on the door and I said, it’s me. And so he’s just like “what?” and so I said, you’re not going to talk to me that way. That’s not OK. I was trying to explain how I felt.” And he interrupted me. And he goes, “you know what? No, we’re not going to do this. I have to go to work. You have to go to work. I don’t have time to play games. I’m an older man.” He’s like 38. He’s not an older man. Get over  yourself.

CHRIS [00:23:37] Thank you so much for saying that. That’s my age. Thank you so much. Anyway, continue the story.

CALLER [00:23:44] And he’s like “I don’t have time for this, i don’t have time for games.” And I said whatever and I slam the door. And he’s like I’ll talk to you later and I’m like, whatever. And for a split second like my face did the thing so when you’re going to cry, and I was like, no. No. he’s not worth it. He is an asshole. He’s got too many issues. If that’s how he thinks that women should be treated like in a sexual way. If that’s. And I don’t want to kink shame anyone and I don’t want anyone to be like if that’s what you’re into, that’s good. But that’s not the problem I have. The problem is, after we talked about it, he was so shitty to me like he was not concerned at all or how I felt and how he dealt with it. And that’s what makes him a shitty dude.

CHRIS [00:24:29] Yeah. Sounds like a shitty dude. Sounds like a real shitty dude. Did you have, can I ask, did you have a safeword? Did you have a safeword during this experience?

CALLER [00:24:40] Oh, no, no, no. We never got that far. I should. I should have. That probably would have been something to discuss. But this is completely new to me. You know, like I was like, yeah I’ll try it  or whatever. But I didn’t do my research, I guess.

CHRIS [00:24:54] Yeah. We did two episodes of the Chris Gethard show on public access. That one where we had a dominatrix dominate me, not sexually, but on the verge. And then another one where some sex educators, a couple of people came in and show I mean, this ties into some of my issues and some of my thoughts and feelings and whatnot. But I remember them. Everyone said I said, so what’s the most important thing to know before you guys start like dripping wax on me and hitting me with. And they were like, safeword. Like, it’s fun. And if you have a fantasy and you want to be fun, that’s great. But before we get into any of that, like we’re all people and we all like have regular lives. And check our email and you like, go to Starbucks and get a cup of tea and we’re gonna have a safe word where we can return to that life as soon as it gets weird at all. And I’ve thought that was really good advice. Well you live and you learn right.

CALLER [00:25:47] Absolutely. You live and you learn, I was not seriously harmed. Like, I’m fine. I don’t have any like emotional or psychological damage from that. Like I came out of it a more empowered woman. So I’m okay with it.

CHRIS [00:26:00] That is good that is good. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened. I feel like that dude sucked and I’m sorry you met him. Now, you had said you wanted to start with a bad experience. The cautionary tales. But it sounds like you’ve also found some positive. In the spirit of avoiding slut shaming or demonizing sex. Would you like to share one of the positive tales about why your sexploration has been important to you?

CALLER [00:26:24] Yeah. And like I’ve met several different men and had sex with them pretty pretty close to like when we met or we interacted. And some of them have them have been just sexual in nature and some of them have blossomed into like relationships. And some of them have just been like one and done. Actually, I have a really quick story. So I’m a teacher. And right around the time of the Parkland shooting, I hiked up with this guy and after work he felt the need to make small talk. And he was like, “hey what are you doing this weekend?” And I said, “Actually, you know, I’m going to go to the March for Our Lives rally in the near city.” And he’s like, “What’s that?” And I was like, “oh, you know. You know, the protests for things like gun control and schools and everything. And like just like supporting, you know, this thing that happened. You know, this horrible thing that’s happening in our country. And since I’m a teacher, you know, I have strong issues about it, especially about where guns should be and where they shouldn’t be.” And he goes on this shpeal about, “Oh i think teachers should have guns. You should be armed.” And I was like, “you know, I’m a teacher, right?” And he goes, “Yeah. And judging by the look on your face, you probably don’t agree with me do you?” And I said, “No.” But I gave my reasons. You know, as soon as somebody in the classroom has a gun or anywhere has a gun, like the whole mood and the whole relationship I think with that person changes and I don’t feel safe leaving my phone on my desk or my purse in an open room. I am not going to feel safe leaving a gun in my desk or on my body. Like, what if the situation escalates and then you have a kid who’s emotionally disturbed and has gone through trauma, which every, every teacher experiences it, it is not just like in low income areas, like we all experience trauma of different kinds and kids cannot control their actions sometimes.

CHRIS [00:28:24] I love that, I love that this is your answer to what’s a positive sexual experience.

CALLER [00:28:30] OK. It’s not OK. I know.

CHRIS [00:28:34] I missed you. This is just like our first call when you drank a gallon and a half of coffee and called me up.

CALLER [00:28:41] I’m not as bad this time.

CHRIS [00:28:43] No, you’re not.

CALLER [00:28:43] I think I’m a little more calm and collected.

CHRIS [00:28:45] No but you bounce from topic to topic in a very lovable way that I enjoy. I get what you’re saying. I’m with you. I would imagine that teachers don’t sign up to teach. They want to educate. They don’t, they don’t want to get in shoot outs.

CALLER [00:29:00] Yeah, like I said. But we had great sex. It was awesome. But I never called him again because I kind of schooled him on my education policies and my gun control policies. And I don’t think he liked that. So he didn’t call me again. And it was fine, I didn’t call him either. But we had great sex it was awkward cause at some point we were switching positions and I accidentally kneed him or like kicked him in the dick a little bit. So I don’t know. That wasn’t super great. It was not super sexy. But I’ve had sex with like, that’s a place to stop for commercial break probably.

CHRIS [00:29:40] You know what? Who am I to argue, I guess, we’re taking an ad break. First time ever that a caller specifically requested the point at which the ads happen. Hey, the ads are here. Got a lot of sponsors. They got promo codes. When you use those promo codes, it helps the show. So check out what they’re offering. Check out what they’re offering if it’s for you. Use the promo codes. We’ll be right back with more phone call.

[00:30:00] [AD BREAK]

CHRIS [00:32:52] OK, it’s time to return to our call.

CALLER [00:33:14] That’s a place to stop for a commercial break probably.

CHRIS [00:33:19] So you kicked him in the dick. You kicked a guy in the dick. So tell me about this. Well, how do you react when you kick a guy in the deck? Does he react in pain?

CALLER [00:33:31] Ahh I’m so sorry. He’s like, “It’s fine. It didn’t hurt. It’s OK.” It wasn’t like I wound up and like kicked him. It was like my leg was there and I moved it and his dick happened to be there.

CHRIS [00:33:45] So incidental contact. Great. So what’s been the most positive experience you’ve had during this stretch of sexual exploration?

CALLER [00:33:55] Actually, like recently, I slept with this guy and he is hot and super cool. And we got along quickly and like in his profile he’s like, I’m feminist and I was like, yes! And he came over, we talked for two to three hours and we had some drinks. It was really fun. And then, like, I would have been totally OK with like, that’s us hanging out. And he said that too. And then. And then like we went up to go to the bathroom, like, refresh our drinks or something. And then like, things got like, you know, we kissed and then things got sexual from there. And then we just decided to have sex cause we talked about it beforehand, like we would like to but let’s just hang out and see what happens. And it was like, really good. And like, also, I’ve never had sex with somebody while I had my period and it was like one of the last days so it was really light. And I told him I was like, I’m not gonna be much fun. I don’t have Internet right now. I have my period. He’s like no big deal. So we’re making out and I was performing oral on him. And then like, you know, afterwards we were kind of like, so now what? And I was like, “Do you want to have sex?” And he goes, “Yeah.” You know, and he asked about my period flow. And I was like, it’s really light. It’s normally light. And he’s like OK, let’s do it. And so we did. And like it was the first time and I was like, this was kind of cool of him. Like the first time he meets me to have periods sex with me is very cool. And then he left at like five in the morning cause we just stayed up really late talking and then had glorious sex for a while. It’s just, I don’t know. It was good. It’s very like, I don’t know how to describe it. You know, you know what good sex is.

CHRIS [00:35:43] Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. I also know what really bad sex is too. I’m pretty aware of the full spectrum.

CALLER [00:35:52] You have to have those highs and lows to kind of realize.

CHRIS [00:35:54] Oh, I’ve had some highs and lows.  Oh have I had some highs and lows in this environment for sure.

CALLER [00:36:01] Yeah we all have. I mean I kicked a dude in the dick so I feel like I get it. He probably will like tell this story to some other person like. Yeah some girl kicked me in the dick once. And then made me feel like an asshole cause I thought teachers should be armed.

CHRIS [00:36:14] And then went on, went on a podcast and bragged about it. So that’s nice.

CALLER [00:36:21] I doubt he’ll listen to your show.

CHRIS [00:36:22] Yeah. He doesn’t sound like our target demographic. So I like that story. So you met a guy. He was very open minded.

CALLER [00:36:31] And then we met eachother again. And we stayed up all night and we had sex off and on for like hours and hours and did some new stuff I had never done before. And so that was cool because it took like a lot of trust.

CHRIS [00:36:44] What’s that mean?

CALLER [00:36:45] But I felt more safe with him than I had with anybody.

CHRIS [00:36:49] That’s good.

CALLER [00:36:49] Oh butt stuff, mostly.

CHRIS [00:36:51] What butt? Did you say butt stuff?

CALLER [00:36:54] Yeah.

CHRIS [00:36:55] Well, that’s fun.

CALLER [00:36:56] Yeah. I mean, it was fun and like, I had never done that before, like, really. And like, I was surprised at how easy it was for me and like. Like not hurtful, like it didn’t hurt hardly at all.

CHRIS [00:37:15] That’s good. I like that you said hurtful and not painful. Cause physical pain is one thing. Hurtful is almost like it’s intentionally inflicted to cause hurt. And I think both apply here. Well, that’s nice. You got a really warm up to that, though, right? You got to really warm up.

CALLER [00:37:33] Oh yeah. We warmed up to it. Definitely.

CHRIS [00:37:39] On my first album, I went on a big rant about how I’m very pro eating, butt, I don’t know if that’s a thing that the listeners of this podcast are going to enjoy knowing about me, but I don’t get the stigma surrounding that one. Why is it such a big deal to eat a butt? Who cares?

CALLER [00:37:53] Yeah! It’s not. It’s really lovely, like I’ve done it to several men and they like it. Like I can tell they want it and I do it. And like the first time was scary but I’m like whatever balls are worse like. And people are clean when they know it’s going to happen. They prepare themselves. They’re not like, you know, horrible people that way.

CHRIS [00:38:13] Yeah. They’re not walking out of the bathroom. So you’re saying-.

CALLER [00:38:17] Yeah and it feels good for someone to do it to you, like I had several men do it to me and they like it. And I’m like alright go for it, dude.

CHRIS [00:38:26] And I think there’s a little bit now, some men have come out and said, I will eat butt but I will not have my butt eaten. And I will say why not? Who cares? And now, you know, you’re willing to go on record and say that you think balls are grosser than butt?

CALLER [00:38:42] It depends on the person. Honestly. But I’ve had some

CHRIS [00:38:44] Fair fair. You’ve had some what?

CALLER [00:38:47] Just like nasty ones where it’s like, oh.

CHRIS [00:38:52] What makes, okay listen, we got half an hour left. Clearly, anyone who is offended by sexual talk of the frank nature has turned this off. So we might as well just say for the half hour, we’re just gonna go for broke. I’m gonna start asking this stuff. Is that OK?

CALLER [00:39:05] Yes please.

CHRIS [00:39:07] Now, in your humble opinion, what makes balls nasty?

CALLER [00:39:11] If they smell and their sweaty.

CHRIS [00:39:13] Sweaty balls.

CALLER [00:39:14] And if they’ve been holding on to stink for a while.

CHRIS [00:39:17] Yep. Yep. Stank balls. Yeah. Nobody likes it

CALLER [00:39:22] Ok so my friend, so I have this anecdote where she met a sailor and, you know, she was like going to go down on him and like [UNCLEAR] or whatever and he’s like, sorry I went to the gym after work and didn’t shower. I bring this story of to her and she like, she gagged. She’s like [BLEEP]. Oh, shit please beep that later.

CHRIS [00:39:45] Well, that’s one thing I don’t understand about guys. And I’m a guy and I’ve. And I tell you, I’ve had my experiences. But one thing I don’t understand is we expect ladies to put so much work and effort in. And guys don’t do that. Like to things like, you know, like even even I’ll never forget one of the things my wife said to me that made me just really love her so much. I remember that I might have edmention this on the show. I’m remeber one time where we were leaving the house for something, and we were running late and I was getting very antsy. I have no idea what it was, but I was nervous about being late and I was like, hey, we really got to go. And she was putting on her makeup and she’s brushing her hair. And I was like, we really got to go. And then she finally was like, hey, being a girl takes a long time. And I remember thinking to myself, wow I’ve never heard that before. And it makes so much sense because we ask ladies, we ask ladies to do all this stuff that we don’t have to do and then we get impatient and then we go to the gym, you, you don’t even slip into the bathroom and get out the washcloth and wipe down. You don’t even get the baby wipes out. What are you thinking? It’s another you know, where there’s another double standard. If we’re just getting frank about sexual talk, pubic hair, maintenance, pubic hair maintenance.

CALLER [00:41:00] Oh my God, I’m so glad you brought that up. I’m so glad you brought that up. Isn’t it discussing how some men are like, yeah, do you shave down there? I prefer bald. I’m like, there’s something developmentally wrong with you if you prefer no pubic hair on a woman. That is what a prepubescent girl looks like and you gotta to work your shit out with your therapist, if that’s what you prefer.

CHRIS [00:41:19] Well, look I’m not going to slut shame. You know, and that’s up to a guy and a girl together, whoever or anybody, any sexual match together. I don’t want to say guy and girl anybody who’s hooking up. That’s up to you guys together. Are there issues there in some cases? I’m sure there are. But I will say-.

CALLER [00:41:34] Preferences or preferences.

CHRIS [00:41:35] Preferences or preferences. And I’m sure there’s people who work these things out in a healthy, open way that don’t necessitate mental health professionals. No, that’s okay. Anti slut shaming, as you said. That being said, there are some guys who want who are like, oh, it would be great if you did this. And then it’s like a god damn goddamn forest down there, just a wild, sprawling forest of hair. It’s a double standard.

CALLER [00:42:02] Oh, yeah. Some dudes like a lot of hair.

CHRIS [00:42:05] Now you’re getting excited. You’re covering your phone. I’m going to warn you. You got if you could just watch out about covering the phone.

CALLER [00:42:12] Yeah. I’m sorry.

CHRIS [00:42:13] That’s OK. Yeah, we got to watch these double standards with the pubic hair. If you want it cleaned up, you can eat it up, clean it up. It’s a two way street. I trim my pubes. I trim the pubes. You gotta.

CALLER [00:42:26] Yeah.

CHRIS [00:42:27] I use a mustache shaver. I’ve never had a mustache in my life, but I own a mustache shaver. It’s for the pubes.

CALLER [00:42:33] Okay. Well, let me ask you. Do you use the same razor or clippers or whatever on your pubes that you do on your face.

CHRIS [00:42:41] No. I have a dedicated mustache shaver that is for pubes only and I’ve never once had to use a mustache shaver for my mustache because I cannot. I’m 38 years old and I’ve never successfully grown full facial hair.

CALLER [00:42:56] OK.

CHRIS [00:42:58] This would be a perfect time for a Harrys ad. Can we get Harry’s? Can we go to ad team looking for a Harry Shave kit ad right about here. Great for the face and for the pubes. Yeah, no, I have a dedicated mustache shaver that I’ve never used on a mustache. It’s all for the pubes. And I tell you, it’s tough. It’s tough getting into all those folds, getting that hair out. You want it to look neat and clean. It’s tough.

CALLER [00:43:23] Yes, but honestly in my experience people don’t care what it looks like or feels like they just want to smash.

CHRIS [00:43:30] That’s true, too. That’s true, too. But you got to think about these things.

CALLER [00:43:33] I mean, I used to be so self conscious, like when I first started being sexually active in college, like I had a boyfriend. And he made me feel self-conscious about my pubic hair and he made me feel so self-conscious about like when he wanted to go down on me, I was like, don’t do it I’m afraid. But now I’m like, I literally will not sleep with a man if he doesn’t love doing it. Like I’ve been with men who don’t do it. I’ve been with men who do it because they’re being dutiful and don’t like it you can tell. I’ve been with a man who loves it and like asks me to do it and I’m like, yes, I will sleep with you. Like, those are the ones I will sleep with.

CHRIS [00:44:09] Yeah, yeah. It’s a real a proving ground. Be a giving a lover be a giving lover. Don’t just take. Be a giving lover and an open and attentive lover. Being a giving lover can take on many forms. I feel like there’s so many people right now screaming at their listening device because they don’t want to hear my lovemaking advice. But I think giving-.

CALLER [00:44:30] Why not?

CHRIS [00:44:31] Because people don’t think of me as a sexual being. I’m like a cartoon man who sad and has glasses. That’s what people want me to be like, a caricature.

CALLER [00:44:42] Chris you can be who you whoever you want to be if you’re a sexual person, which clearly you are.

CHRIS [00:44:46] I am a sexual person. But my public persona. I don’t think I don’t think too many people listening to this podcast are listening because they view me as a sex as a sexual being or sexual object.

CALLER [00:45:00] You know what, that sounds like a new show for you.

CHRIS [00:45:03] What is what are we talking about here? What are we talking here? Me exploring my sexuality week by week on a podcast? Well, I tell you, in 2012, that would have been a fascinating podcast. The first half of 2012 that would have been fascinating. But now it would mostly be like, you know, long discussions of what me and my wife are watching on Netflix and how that occasionally dovetails into some fun times.

CALLER [00:45:32] Ok, that’s fair.

CHRIS [00:45:34] Yeah. Who knows?

CALLER [00:45:37] But. Yeah. Anyway. So, my next, I wanted to talk about something else. Well, not something else but along the same lines. But I think what kinda caused me to go through this, like sexploratation is like I met this guy. I had a relationship with him. He was recently divorced.

CHRIS [00:45:57] Wait I’m having a lot of trouble understanding you right now.

CALLER [00:46:01] Fuck ok.

CHRIS [00:46:01] Are you eating chicken nuggets right now? Is that part of this? Have you been, be honest with me. Have you eaten any chicken nuggets during the course of this call?

CALLER [00:46:13] I have eaten zero chicken nuggets, I have eaten fries, though.

CHRIS [00:46:16] You have eaten fries, so you’re like telling me all about having period sex and you’re eating fries the whole time.

CALLER [00:46:22] Not the whole time.

CHRIS [00:46:24] I think that’s awesome. [TRANSITION MUSIC] I think that’s a great time to pass. Maybe you’re in the mood for a snack. Maybe you want to eat some fries. Coke, chicken nuggets, who knows? We got advertisers. Check out what they’re offering. Goods, products, services. Use the promo codes if you’re so inclined. It helps the show when you do. We’ll be right back.

[00:46:41] [AD BREAK]

CHRIS [00:47:40] Thanks again to everybody who sponsers Beautiful Anonymous. Now let’s finish off the phone call.

CHRIS [00:47:46] So you’re like telling me all about having period sex and you’re eaten fries the whole time?

CALLER [00:47:51] Not the whole time.

CHRIS [00:47:53] I think that’s awesome. I think that’s awesome. I’m not judging it. I think that’s awesome. I think that’s hilarious and I’m proud of it. Just call up, eat some fries. Tell me about your liberated feminist sexual experiences. Lucky I get to this job. Lucky I have this as a gig. They didn’t think this would ever work. This phone call thing. And I proved them wrong.

CALLER [00:48:16] No like you know like when I first started listening to this show, it was maybe 3 years, 3 years? Is that how long you’ve had the show?

CHRIS [00:48:28] Two years. Three years. Something like that. I don’t know.

CALLER [00:48:33] I think so.

CHRIS [00:48:34] Who knows? It’s impossible to find out. I guess it’s been. I actually I’ve been told it’s been about three years. Yeah. I’ve been told it’s been about three years. Apparently it was possible to find out.

CALLER [00:48:45] OK. There were between 15 and 20 episodes out already, and I like had just kind of binged him all. And then I kept kept up week to week after that. But. Yeah, like it’s definitely it’s definitely an interesting concept and the show has evolved a lot since the first episode and it’s it’s been interesting watching the transition and in seeing some of the different characters that you have on. And some of them I have enjoyed, some of them I haven’t enjoyed, but like not that I didn’t enjoy the show. It’s just, you know, that wasn’t my favorite phone call.

CHRIS [00:49:22] Yeah it is what it is.

CALLER [00:49:23] And I know that people didn’t like my episode and that’s fine. Some people might like this one. That’s OK.

CHRIS [00:49:28] That’s Ok.

CALLER [00:49:29] I’m I mean, I’m you know, as a teacher, you’re definitely we have to be empathetic in our profession.  And it’s really nice to-.

CHRIS [00:49:38] Oh yeah you’re a teacher.

CALLER [00:49:38] Just be able to to hear that on a, on an adult level, like hearing other people with what they have going on as adults and not just, you know, teenagers or whatever. You know, adult contact is important for anybody, but anyway. OK. So I kind of sidetracked myself there, but I kind of went on this kind of track because I met a guy. We had a relationship for like two months and he was recently divorced, which sometimes seems to be my trend because I’ve been with lots of men who have recently been divorced. And what ends up happening is they just talk to me and vent to me about the stuff that they’re going through because I’m such a compassionate, empathetic person that it’s just easy for them to talk to me about it. And they’re, like, you know, I haven’t told people this before, haven’t told many people and they feel comfortable with me. And they tell me and then I don’t know. We have great sex and it’s a good thing. So, but this guy I was with we had a really good connection. And he’s a really, really good person. But he didn’t believe it. And I always had to struggle and tell him, like, you know, you have worse than all this. And his ex, like, completely damaged him. And he has two kids. And he was working all these jobs trying to keep up. And just basically he was like, I thought I was emotionally ready for this, but I’m not. But then he kept going back and forth and back and forth about it, like, yes, I want to be with you. No, I don’t. And then you told me he loved me. And then the next week he’s like, I can’t do this. And this is really shitty. And I kept going back and I kept accepting him and then not standing up for myself. And it was hurting me. And I finally was like, I can’t do this. And so last the time I talked to him, I texted him and said, the next time I want to hear from you is when you have your stuff together a little bit more and maybe you don’t have the resources for therapy, but I can recommend some books for you. But. [BREAKING UP]

CHRIS [00:51:53] Hello? Yeah. You’re breaking up a little bit. So you said you’re gonna lend him some books. He doesn’t have the resources for therapy. Go!

CALLER [00:52:02] Yeah. I can’t keep giving and giving and not giving anything in return. And you need to focus on yourself. So do me a favor and leave women alone and focus on yourself and get yourself better and get yourself feeling like you deserve love and good things cause you do. But he would always tell me that he didn’t deserve anything and stuff like he wouldn’t want to be with me cause I’m. I’m something he didn’t deserve. And I was like that’s fucking stupid but ok. But he was right in the end.

CHRIS [00:52:36] Well, I tell you. I remember once.

CALLER [00:52:38] Ladies, you should always listen to the things that a man says, cause he’s, I mean, if he’s telling you something bad about himself, it’s probably true.

CHRIS [00:52:44] Yeah. As a self-deprecating guy, I feel like I know how to make talking about my faults charming. And I remember running into trouble with that. There was I remember I was in a relationship that was off and on for eight years, mostly on. And then when it was off, I really explored. I had my version of what you’re describing, this stretch where I was sleeping with many people and figuring stuff out. And then the year after we finally broke up, it was it was a very, what would I say? A very productive year as far as my sexual exploration went. And I remember there was one girl who I have such great regret. Regret because she was. She was a, you know, younger than me and I think a little a little less jaded than some other people I had dated. And I kept I kept being very self-deprecating, saying my head’s still fucked up from that relationship, but I’m a funny guy and a comedian. And I was I was kind of being charming about it. And I look back and realize that that wasn’t the coolest thing, because I feel like I was being very honest, saying I’m really fucked up and this is gonna be a fling and I’m trying to be upfront about that. But also, you know, I think it started out with that. And I think she turned a corner where she’s like, this would be really nice to actually go on some dates and not just have it be like, you know, booty calls or whatever. And I remember realizing, oh, I thought I was clear. But from the perspective of someone who’s an adult, nah you were being funny about it. That takes away some of the seriousness. It wasn’t totally fair. I’ve always felt bad about that.

CALLER [00:54:19] Well, sometimes I mean, I’ve been in situations like that where now, we have defined like this is the nature of our relationship, but then you invertenly don’t have feelings for someone. And that happens. So. You’re very charming. I’m not surprised she would still have feeling for you.

CHRIS [00:54:42] Oh wait, you’re underwater again. You’re covering the thing with your you’re fingering the whole again. You’re fingering the whole again.

CALLER [00:54:49] Sorry. OK. Can you hear me better? I’m on speakerphone. And I was like, hold my phone, like in the palm of my hand.

CHRIS [00:54:56] So much better. I wish we’d been doing that the whole time.

CALLER [00:55:00] Damn it.

CHRIS [00:55:03] That’s what the comments are gonna be about it.

CALLER [00:55:06] Honestly, like Sally, turned this off like, right when I said the word sexploration.

CHRIS [00:55:10] You think my mom made it more than seven minutes? If my mom is listening to this part 45 minutes in. Mom. I find it. I’m going to be so ashamed. Not that there’s anything to be ashamed of, but you are my mom. We are Irish Catholic.

CALLER [00:55:29] I would be embarrassed if my mom listened to this too.

CHRIS [00:55:31] No stop it. It’s fine. My mom’s a my, my mom’s a very a it’s funny, my mom’s a you know, from a different generation and is a little bit conservative. But, you know, one thing I’ve learned from her. She doesn’t judge. She has her opinions about how to live. She doesn’t begrudge other people for how they live.

CALLER [00:55:49] No I I wouldn’t be ashamed if Sally listened, I would be ashamed if my mom listened. Because my mom has a certain set of expectations for me as a woman. Like, ask me when I’m going to have kids. When am I gonna get married? I don’t even know if I want to get married. I don’t know if I believe in monogamy anymore. But I like I asked my mom once how many people she slept with, she goes “two.” So she had like, she had like my dad. And then she was married before. I was like that’s a bald faced lie. And you know it. I was like I’ll tell you my number. And she goes, no, I don’t want to know.

CHRIS [00:56:25] Wow. Wow.

CALLER [00:56:27] So she’s not gonna listen.

CHRIS [00:56:31] That’s fair. That’s fair. Yeah. I think I think my mom turned this one off a while ago. I want to be clear. I would not be ashamed if my mom. My mom would not judge you for anything, but my mom would go I don’t know why you had to tell your stories, too. I don’t know why you had to go telling all those stories of yours. That’s because she’s my mom.

CALLER [00:56:47] Does she call you Christopher? Because in my mind, she’s like Christopher.

CHRIS [00:56:51] She does. She does call me Christopher. Especially when she’s upset with me. If I’m like, making fun of something or I go a little too hard. Christopher. Christopher.

CALLER [00:57:03] Oh my god that’s exactly what I thought it was going to be.

CHRIS [00:57:04] Oh, yeah. Yeah. Really living up to the image in your mind of our relationship.

CALLER [00:57:11] Amazing.

CHRIS [00:57:12] And most people in my life just call me Gethard. The only my wife calls me Chris and my mom calls me Christopher. My dad calls me Chris as well. Most people just call me Gethard. So when she gives me a Christopher, it really cuts right to the quick. You know.

CALLER [00:57:27] Oh yeah. That makes total sense. Absolutely.

CHRIS [00:57:31] Anyway, I’m really sorry your chicken nuggets must’ve gotten cold by now.

CALLER [00:57:36] I don’t care, I’m like, I probably shouldn’t have gotten them cause I’m not even that hungry. So I don’t know what I’ll do with them.

CHRIS [00:57:45] Now, wait, did you I teach today is school back in session?

CALLER [00:57:49] Yes, it’s the first day. So I have a big break. I’m in I’m in the parking lot across the street from the school.

CHRIS [00:57:57] So how many classes have you taught so far today?

CALLER [00:58:01] Two. I have one more.

CHRIS [00:58:02] You have one more. So you taught two classes on the first day of school. You drove to McDonald’s, you picked up some McNuggets. You called me. You told me about a series of of of sexual experiences you’ve had of varying intensity. What you’ve learned from being sexually liberated. You’re going to duck back in. Teach more kids how to play the French horn.

CALLER [00:58:23] Yeah. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:58:25] Pretty sweet. Pretty sweet. Do you know the podcast? I want to make sure in the course of this episode that I give a shout out to two friends of mine. Have you ever listened to a podcast called Guys We Fucked?

CALLER [00:58:35] I have, yes.

CHRIS [00:58:38] Those are two friends of mine, Corinne Krystyna, and I’m a big fan of that podcast. I appeared on that podcast and that is the anti slut shaming podcast. That’s how they proclaim it. And they talk very openly about different men they’ve slept with and even interview men who they’ve slept with. And it’s a great podcast that I think is very much in line with the attitude.

CALLER [00:58:58] Ok Chris, so you were on that podcast?

CHRIS [00:59:00] I was. I was. You learn a lot about me if you listen to that episode about my my I my past.

CALLER [00:59:06] I haven’t gone that far. I stopped listening after a little bit because I started listening from the beginning because I am a completest, cause like if someone recommends something to me. I go to the beginning. I can’t skip round, but I I will find your episode, I will listen to it. And I had to stop because it kind of felt like, especially in the beginning, it felt kind of objectifying to men. And I was like, I can’t get on board with this right now. So I stopped. But I’m sure that it has progressed immensely with like cause it’s been on for a while. I’m sure it’s progressed immensely with like the maturation of them as women. So I should give it another try.

CHRIS [00:59:47] I’m a big I’m a big supporter of theirs. I went through a huge kick of listening to that podcast. I still check in with it from time to time. So we have ten minutes left. Ten minutes left, my old friend.

CALLER [00:59:58] Oh. Damn.

CHRIS [00:59:58] So what else?

CALLER [00:59:59] OK. Well, I have. OK, so one time, I’m just gonna tell you stories of like dudes that I met in some of the awkward experiences. So one time this was New Year’s Eve. I just I was in this new city and all my friends were in their own, like families places. And I was alone in this place. And so I was texting with this guy and he goes, hey, do you want to come over and like celebrate New Year’s Eve? And I was like, sure. You sound really nice. And innocent that’ll be fine. And he cooked me a steak dinner and like, potatoes and carrots, it was beautiful. And it tasted really good. And so I get to his house. And I started talking to him and asked him about his family. And he was from the area. But he said, I’m estranged from my family and I don’t talk to them anymore because of my divorce. And I w’s like, oh, that’s new. You didn’t tell me your divorced. And then he talked about his kid. I said, well that’s new, you also didn’t tell me you had a kid. Whatever. I mean, I was new to that, so I didn’t really know what the protocol was. But then he proceeded to tell me the details of his divorce and why his family’s estranged from him and how basically his family had taken his ex’s side and everything. And, you know, made him out to be the villain. And he just had a lot of anger, I could tell. I just let him talk and talk for like ten minutes. And then afterwards I was like, do you think maybe you should go to therapy for some of these issues that you have? And I just found myself like suggesting therapy to a man on a date. And I was like this is not going to end well for both of us. Probably not going to see him again. And he goes, Yeah, I didn’t like it. I went to one. I didn’t like it. And I was like, of course you didn’t like it after one. Like, it sucks. I went to one therapy session. I love my therapists, but like it was shitty. I cried a lot and I had a lot of things come up and it didn’t feel good, but it helps. And he’s like, no it’s not for me I was like, okay, fine whatever. So I left and didn’t call him or text him again. And he did call me or text me again, which is whatever. So that was interesting. I had like, I had this guy who I had seen who was in my city temporarily working as like a physician’s assistant who I thought we were dating. And he was very charming and nice. He was 15 years older than me. And he was really good at being charming and very sexually experienced and we liked a lot of the same thing, but there were lots of red flags, like all these women would call him on his phone and he’s like, oh, it’s somebody I work with. And then one time I picked up what I thought was my phone, but it was his phone. And I looked at it and it was this girl who said “haha. Christine heard you snoring from across the house last night.” And I was like that doesn’t sound like something a work friend would say to you in a text message. So I confronted him and he lied. And then one time he was in the shower. And I admit that I looked at his phone and I saw all these messages from girls that he was planning on meeting or sleeping with and doing things with them sexually that I asked him to do with me, that he didn’t do with me, that I was kind of upset about. So I put his phone down and grabbed all my stuff and I left and I got out of there. And I never looked back. I’m not about that.

CHRIS [01:03:22] Did you ever speak again?

CALLER [01:03:23] So. No, he texted me and he said, hey, where did you go? And then texted me again. Why did you leave without saying goodbye? And then several hours later, a question mark. And then nothing.

CHRIS [01:03:36] You literally, you just disappeared. It’s like it’s like you don’t, wow.

CALLER [01:03:41] And I literally disappeared because I had found out maybe a week prior too that, I was moving to a new city and I didn’t tell him yet.

CHRIS [01:03:48] So he might think you’re dead. This man might be out there thinking you’re dead.

CALLER [01:03:55] I don’t think he cares. I really don’t think he cares.

CHRIS [01:03:58] Oh, that sucks. That’s not cool. That’s not cool.

CALLER [01:04:03] Well, here’s the thing. I knew it wasn’t going to work out because he had said some really horrible things about certain demographic groups like he, OK, so he was renting a room from these men who were gay and he was saying kind of horrible things about them. And he’s like, yeah, they’re going to hell. And I said, OK. Why? And he goes, cause they sin. And I said, well you’re sinning right now. Like you have a beer in your hand. He goes, yeah, but I’m going to repent for it and I’m going to mean it. They don’t repent for it. They they like their lifestyle. They don’t think it’s bad. And I was like you’re such an asshole. So I was on my way out.

CHRIS [01:04:40] Yeah, that would have been a dealbreaker. That would’ve been a deal breaker for me. Someone started judging whole groups of society. That is infuriating.

CALLER [01:04:55] Yes. Yep. So. OK. This is a story, I I’m going to tell, but it didn’t happen to me. But this is a story about domestic abuse. How much time we have left?

CHRIS [01:05:08] Five minutes.

CALLER [01:05:10] Five minutes. OK. So my friend was in a relationship with a guy for a year and he apparently was emotionally abusive and manipulative to her, which is quite common in relationships and a lot of people don’t leave because they’re like, oh, he’s not physically abusive. It’s OK. But I just want to say that it is abuse and it’s lasting. I’ve been in a relationship like that and it’s it’s lasted like the effect of that lasted. So if that’s happening, please don’t stay in that. Like you can leave it’s OK. So she broke up with this guy cause she figured out that he cheated on her. He basically got a DUI and had some girl in the car with him. So she found out later. So she broke up with him, but then they kept texting and exchanging things cause they live together. And then she kept hanging out with him and eventually things got sexual again. And he beat her up eventually, like and now she has a restraining order against him. And I don’t want to give away too many details, but it’s not my story to tell. But it was not good at all. And she felt like, I don’t know why but he has this hold on me and I’m like, don’t do this. Please don’t do this. And she did it anyway. And I’m glad she’s OK. But like, there’s so many warning signs that she saw where, you know, he would tell her things to do and make her feel guilty or gaslight her when she was feeling victimized and tell her like you’re being crazy and horrible. So, I mean. I don’t I didn’t think that story was going to be that short, but I don’t want to tell all those details, but I don’t know I think my my goal right now is with interacting with men is to kind of help them realize that you can’t be shitty to people and hopefully empower other women if they are in situations like that to realize that they can get out and they should stand up for themselves because they have so much more worth than whatever dude they’re with thinks. Llike this year of sexploration has been helpful to me with my knowing of what I like sexually and figuring out myself, you know, as a more sexual person and not defining myself as a teacher and a sexless person. But also like it’s done so many wonders for my self-esteem. Like I hang out naked all the time in front of other dudes and I never would have done that before or I know exactly, I feel better being by myself. I feel better being single. And I’m looking for a dude who’s not garbage. And if some dude comes along who’s not garbage, who makes me feel better being with him than being single, then like yes I’m all for it. But that has not happened yet. And being single feels awesome. But I know being in a relationship is awesome too. But being in a good healthy one is where you should be. You shouldn’t be in a relationship where you feel obligated or you feel like shitty, or you feel like someone’s talking down to you or making you feel like you are submissive in any sort of way.

CHRIS [01:08:17] Well, you know what it sounds like, you know what it sounds like. One of the things I feel like I’ve learned from you is it feels like you’re saying you have to trust your instincts. And that goes both ways, right? Like positive instincts. If you have something you want to try and experiment with and it feels healthy, don’t apologize for that instinct. But also, if you have a guy who’s being dominant and weird or a guy who’s getting a lot of text messages from people and seems to be skeevy about it or like your friend’s case where there’s emotional abuse. Trust those instincts and feel empowered to get out as well. Trust the instincts.

CALLER [01:08:50] Yeah. You know, there’s there’s a podcast. I just listened to it with Ken Harris waking up and I listen to the episode at the request of some other guy who’s super woke and super cool. And so I picked this episode out and it’s called living with violence. And it was all about, you know, there’s stuff about gun control and there’s this stuff about there’s a whole excerpt about about trusting your instincts and how like there’s a lot of brain cells in your in your gut. And and we we do we do a lot of thinking with our gut, but we don’t always follow it. And we should because there are small, tiny things like the way someone’s eyes jet towards something else. So the way, you know, they case your apartment personally, if you have a visitor casing your apartment like he talked about the cable guy being there or like, you know, the way that a guy always protects his phone or you know, the way he looks at other people, you know, those things that we think are kind of, I’m trying to think. We make generalities about it and we feel like oh yeah he’s like  looking at some other girl but I know, he loves me or we make excuses for things, too. We need to trust our instincts. And I don’t think that means like being defensive and being like, well, all men are garbage. Like, you just prove to me why you deserve me. You know, we we don’t need to be that way. Like, I think I’m still open person. I still think that I am accepting of people and I still want to get to know men. And I. I still love them. I know I’m not a man hater at all.

CHRIS [01:10:22] Ten seconds.

CALLER [01:10:23] But like, I’m here to protect myself. Ten seconds. What do you have add?

CHRIS [01:10:36] Caller thank you so much for calling. It’s good to talk to you again. I’m glad you’re enjoying your life getting out there. I think it’s fair to say that everybody as we exit, go explore yourself figure it out. Stay safe while you do, though. Right. Stay safe. Take the proper precautions as far as staying healthy and also be wary of some of the more manipulative people, such as the cautionary tales mentioned. Play safe everybody, thank you caller. Thank you to John Delore back in the booth like the old days. Thank you to Harry Nelson screening the calls. Kinda kinda, Harry. Thank you to Shellshag for the music. Thank you to Justin Linville for helping out with my life. I’m always going out on the road doing live shows, comedy, podcast tapings. We’re out there. Chrisgeth.com. Check them out. If you like the show, go to Apple podcast. Rate, review, subscribe. Really helps when you do. That’s all for me. I think that’s all the business. We’ll see you next time.