EP. 225 — Nicole Believes All Titties Are Good But Some Butts Are Bad.

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Sasheer [00:01:49] Hi, Nicole.

Nicole [00:01:50] Hello. How are you?

Sasheer [00:01:56] Good. How are you?

Nicole [00:01:58] Listen, I am thriving.

Sasheer [00:02:02] Oh. How come?

Nicole [00:02:06] Oh, you know. You just say those things and hopefully they come true. So, you know, you just say you’re thriving, and then one day you are thriving.

Sasheer [00:02:13] Yes, I think that’s true. Then I believe it. She is thriving.

Nicole [00:02:21] Thriving and living her best fucking life.

Sasheer [00:02:28] Oh, I was… My cousin asked me to play tennis this past weekend. We did not because it was raining outside. But he’s like, “I do it most Saturdays, so let’s do it one of these Saturdays.” I was like, “Great.” So, we’ll probably do it. And then I’ve just seen a lot of people online playing tennis. And I was like, “Is there an increase in tennis?” And then I looked up, like, you know, “Is there an increase in tennis right now?” And post pandemic, a lot more people are playing tennis. And I think it might be because of the increase of pickleball because pickleball got super popular during the pandemic.

Nicole [00:03:15] It’s the fastest growing sport in America.

Sasheer [00:03:17] As you’ve said. And I think because people were playing pickleball, they’re like, “Well, I need a bigger court. I need to actually do the real deal thing.” And then they started getting rackets and playing tennis.

Nicole [00:03:30] Wow. Who knew the pandemic would bring a resurgence in a sport that I don’t understand the point system in?

Sasheer [00:03:40] I played tennis in middle school, and I forget. I know it’s, like, 30, 60… 90?

Nicole [00:03:51] And I know it’s like, “Love.”

Sasheer [00:03:53] Love is zero.

Nicole [00:03:57] I don’t know the other things.

Sasheer [00:03:59] Yeah, I forgot a lot. But I remember enjoying it when I was younger. But I feel like my parents wanted me to be, like, Venus and Serena. And I was like, “That’s not gonna happen.”

Nicole [00:04:07] Yeah, of course. You’re a little Black girl. All Black parents were like, “I can have this, too. I want it. I can have it.” And then my dad loved tennis and had two little Black girls. So, he literally was like, “I can have a Venus and a Serena.” I mean, I was pretty powerful as a child and could, like, really fucking whack the ball. But I didn’t have the love for it, you know?

Sasheer [00:04:30] You got to have the love for it.

Nicole [00:04:32] You gotta. I would rather be swimming than on a court with a hard net– A racket! That’s what it’s called.

Sasheer [00:04:42] “A hard net.” There is a net.

Nicole [00:04:46] Oh, yeah. The net in the middle. But I was talking about the racket. You know, that little boxed weavy thing–kind of looks like some hard netting.

Sasheer [00:04:56] Honestly? I mean, Venus and Serena are impressive for many, many reasons. But it’s also really impressive that they are still doing something that they’ve done since they were children.

Nicole [00:05:08] Yes. And they love it. Well, that’s like Beyoncé. Beyoncé’s been doing this for 27 years, I believe. She said it at her concert. That’s a long time.

Sasheer [00:05:20] I just feel like that’s so rare that your parents make you do something and you actually like it. Like, my mom wanted me to play the violin. I hated it. I didn’t want to play violin. I wish I stuck with it so I could play an instrument. But I didn’t like the fact that I was told to play an instrument. I would have rather have chosen an instrument. I wanted to play the clarinet. Is that cooler than a violin? Not really.

Nicole [00:05:47] Yeah, dude. You gotta suck on that reed.

Sasheer [00:05:52] Maybe that’s why my mom didn’t want me to play a clarinet. She’s like, “You’re not sucking on anything.”

Nicole [00:05:56] “You’re not gonna suck on any piece of wood, little or not.” Yeah. My sister played clarinet, and I would just watch her suck on these reeds, and I was like, “Uch.” And then they go back in her little clarinet box, and I was like, “This instrument is sick. This is nasty.”

Sasheer [00:06:13] That does seem unsanitary.

Nicole [00:06:14] Yeah, I think the difference is… So, like, okay, if your mom forced you to play the violin and you were instantly great at it, I think you would have a different approach to it. Not that, like, Venus and Serena were instantly great, but, like, it seems like they started winning pretty early and, like, entered competitions earlier than, like, coaches thought they should because Daddy said, “Come on.” If I was instantly good at something, I’d be like, “Yeah, this is fucking for me. Thanks, Mommy and Daddy.”

Sasheer [00:06:49] That is a good point. Yeah, I certainly wasn’t winning competitions. But I feel like I wasn’t trying hard because I was told to do it if that makes sense. Like, maybe if I tried hard, I would have excelled at the violin. But I just did the bare minimum to stay in class. I don’t know.

Nicole [00:07:10] Yeah. I mean, I played flute, and I could have been Lizzo.

Sasheer [00:07:15] I’m sure most people think you are.

Nicole [00:07:17] People already think I’m Lizzo. And imagine if someone called me Lizzo, I’d be like, “Yeah.” And I took out a flute, and they’d be like, “Is she Lizzo? I don’t really get what’s happening.” Also, piano. I wish I stuck with piano. My mother used to say… Maybe I’ve said this on this podcast before. She was like, “You’re going to want to, when you’re an adult, go to a dinner party and be able to bust out songs on a piano after dinner and everyone sings along.” And I was like, “You’re a lunatic. That doesn’t happen. You’re stupid, you stupid bitch.” And then I’m an adult, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I could play that piano after dinner. That would be nice for us to sing around.”

Sasheer [00:07:58] It would be really nice.

Nicole [00:08:01] But I can’t play piano.

Sasheer [00:08:03] No.

Nicole [00:08:08] I didn’t stick to anything from growing up. Except for swimming. I do swim a lot. Boy, I love swimming.

Sasheer [00:08:16] Did I stick with anything? I don’t think so because I did gymnastics, basketball… I did volleyball. I did show choir–church choir. I didn’t stick with any of it. I guess I did musicals in high school?

Nicole [00:08:46] And you’re an actress now!

Sasheer [00:08:48] Yes! So, there we go.

Nicole [00:08:51] You stuck with something?

Sasheer [00:08:53] I did.

Nicole [00:08:54] I do want to take a gymnastics class, but I’m like, “Do the uneven bars have a weight limit?” Will they say, “Big lady, you can’t swing on these.”

Sasheer [00:09:05] That’s the kind of gymnastics you want to do?

Nicole [00:09:07] I want to do all the gymnastics. I want to do tumbling. But I really do love the uneven bars. I’m not fucking with the beam. That seems… I didn’t like beam when I did gymnastics. That was too hard. Even the beam closest to the floor. Jordan, can you look up to see if there’s a weight limit on the uneven bars, please?

Sasheer [00:09:25] You’re getting so close to the camera.

Jordan [00:09:29] One thing has come out saying that the bar can hold up to 220 lbs. That’s just one thing. But the only thing I’m thinking of is if you were, like, spinning and, like, jolting on these bars… I feel like I would break it in half–me personally.

Nicole [00:09:45] Maybe. But also, you have to remember, can you actually swing your body around it? That’s like a pole. Like, a pole can withstand weight on it, but it cannot withstand a body flying around it. But can a bigger body actually do that? I don’t know.

Jordan [00:10:04] There’s also poles that are a weight limit of, like, 400. So, I think it just depends on which bar you get. Let me find out if there’s, like, a max max.

Nicole [00:10:16] Because Sky Zone? The fucking trampoline place. I really wanted to go to it for my birthday. They have a weight limit, and I was like, “This makes me so sad! To jump on a fucking trampoline?” If you have a commercial trampoline space, you should be able to have the fattest of the fatties jump on it. No problem. Take their money.

Sasheer [00:10:36] I mean, yeah. Because also Sky Zone’s that place with trampolines in the floor, right?

Nicole [00:10:43] I believe so. Yeah. And all I wanted to do is jump, and they said, “No. Stay on the ground, bitch.”

Sasheer [00:10:49] But that’s also confusing to me because don’t they have… I guess I don’t know. I’ve never been there before. But I can’t imagine it’s one person at a time. Shouldn’t it withstand multiple people jumping on it?

Nicole [00:11:02] I don’t know the Sky Zone rules.

Sasheer [00:11:04] I guess I don’t know either.

Nicole [00:11:06] But I do just want to jump on a trampoline. I’m dying to.

Sasheer [00:11:10] Yeah, that sounds very fun.

Nicole [00:11:12] It sounds like so much fucking fun. Like, just up and down–move it all around. Flips and tricks.

Sasheer [00:11:20] “Flips and tricks.” Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:23] I just want to do stuff that makes me smile. That’s all I want to do. The world is hard, and I want to smile.

Sasheer [00:11:33] I feel like–I don’t know the last time I’ve been on a trampoline–but any time my body’s jostled, I’m not having a good time.

Nicole [00:11:41] Oh, really?

Sasheer [00:11:43] Because my titties are big. And, like, I don’t know. I don’t like when my stomach feels like I’m, like… Like, the weight is lifted in my stomach–I’m, like, getting nauseous.

Nicole [00:11:55] Oh, I’m sorry. I ain’t got no titties, so ain’t got that problem. I don’t know. My butt jumbling around–that’s fun for me.

Sasheer [00:12:04] Okay. Okay.

Nicole [00:12:06] I do want a bigger butt.

Sasheer [00:12:08] Bigger?

Nicole [00:12:11] Yeah. Rounder.

Sasheer [00:12:11] It’s already quite round.

Nicole [00:12:13] I know, but I want it rounder. That’s what I want. Remember when we were sitting at Beyoncé, and I was so much taller than you? And I screamed at you. What did I say? “That’s why I have a problem with our heights!”

Sasheer [00:12:31] Yeah, we took a picture, and I did look much shorter than you.

Nicole [00:12:35] So much shorter. It was really an optical illusion, and it felt insane.

Sasheer [00:12:40] You were like, “This is why I think I’m taller than you! That’s why I have a problem with that!”

Nicole [00:12:48] Because I was, like, a whole foot taller than you, sitting. It’s wild. And we stand up, and I’m not? I’m small?

Sasheer [00:12:59] Yeah. It’s just that ass is lifting you. And then I slouch a little bit. So then, yeah, I think there’s a bit of a difference when we sit.

Nicole [00:13:11] Wow. Wow. You know, that concert was the first time I had bought an outfit for an event in a very long time–I think I told you this–because I usually just buy things to be like, “Just in case!” But I just didn’t have any silver. I’m never just in case I need to wear silver to something. And then I was like, “Well, Beyoncé told me I have to wear silver. And I’m not disrespecting Beyoncé.” But people did.

Sasheer [00:13:34] People did. But then you sent me the story where she said that. But by the time I looked at it, it was gone. So maybe people didn’t get the memo.

Nicole [00:13:43] It’s on her website.

Sasheer [00:13:45] Oh, then they had to excuse.

Nicole [00:13:48] They had zero fucking excuse. None. You saw pictures of people wearing silver, and you thought it was a choice? It’s what she wanted. I truly can’t get over how good she was.

Sasheer [00:14:04] So good. That was a really fun show. Really fun.

Nicole [00:14:09] Break My Soul was such a fun… It felt like a fucking party. And I was like, “I can’t believe they invited me to her party.”

Sasheer [00:14:20] Yeah. It was very fun. Yeah, it was just a good mix of, like, old classics and then Renaissance. And I was very happy.

Nicole [00:14:33] I was so happy. Halfway through the show I was like, “Wait. Should we invite Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland to be on the podcast to promote her tour?” You know, these last couple dates she might have slow ticket sales or something. I think we should reach out to them.

Sasheer [00:14:54] You know, the worst that could happen is no one responds. We may as well try.

Nicole [00:14:59] No, the worst that can happen is an email going, “No,” like Oprah and Gayle did, where I was like, “Just ignore us.”

Sasheer [00:15:07] Yeah, why would you actively say no?

Nicole [00:15:07] Pretend you didn’t get it. I think we should go out to them again and be like, “Are you sure?”

Sasheer [00:15:15] “For real for real? Actually, no?”

Nicole [00:15:16] “You don’t want to promote the O Network? You don’t want more eyes on the O Network?”

Sasheer [00:15:26] “You don’t want to promote CBS News?”

Nicole [00:15:28] I really think, Jordan… Can we please make a note that we need to go out to Beyoncé and Kelly and Oprah and Gayle again and be like, “1) Please do the podcast before your tour. So, like, you know, just take an hour backstage before you go on to do our podcast. It’ll only take an hour of your time. You could even do it with Blue, so you don’t have to coordinate with Kelly. Blue could just do it. It’ll be fine. Or Jay. Maybe Tina.” So, tell Beyoncé she can have… We’re not going to assign her best friend. She can tell us. You tell us who your best friend is. And it’ll just take an hour right before she goes on stage.

Sasheer [00:16:17] Oh, maybe we should have Flyana Boss. They’re best friends.

Nicole [00:16:22] I would love them. They are best friends, and they’re so adorable. I love that one of them was ears.

Sasheer [00:16:28] And I love that one wears a purse every time they do those running videos. That’s so funny to me.

Nicole [00:16:33] They’re so wonderful.

Sasheer [00:16:37] And they’re going on tour with Janelle Monaé, who we might see in October. I’m very excited.

Nicole [00:16:42] “Might see?” I said yes. Has my invitation been recanted?

Sasheer [00:16:47] No, it hasn’t been recanted. I guess it didn’t feel like a firm yes. I thought it was like a “we’ll see.”

Nicole [00:16:53] It’s in my calendar!

Sasheer [00:16:55] Well, then we’re doing it!

Nicole [00:16:57] I put it right up in there as soon as you told me the date.

Sasheer [00:17:00] Perfect. I’m glad. We’re doing it.

Nicole [00:17:03] Thank God. Okay, I gotta get up on my Janelle Monaé. I’ve liked her as an entity for so long, but I haven’t really listened to her new music. Now she’s taking her titties out.

Sasheer [00:17:11] The titties are out.

Nicole [00:17:13] I hope she keeps them out. I want to see them.

Sasheer [00:17:16] I mean, they’re great.

Nicole [00:17:17] I love titties. I don’t think anyone talks about it enough. Titties are great. Even nasty titties are good. What?

Sasheer [00:17:26] You think people have been on the fence about titties?

Nicole [00:17:29] Well, I just feel like we’re not as open to talk about how great titties are. I think they’re lovely to look at.

Sasheer [00:17:35] Yeah. Yeah, they are lovely to look like.

Nicole [00:17:36] I’m not trying to, like, suck on them. I just like looking at them.

Sasheer [00:17:41] Yeah. And you said even nasty titties are great?

Nicole [00:17:44] Even nasty titties are great. Sloppy, dumpy, nasty, little titties. Those are good too.

Sasheer [00:17:52] They’re all good!

Nicole [00:17:52] They really are.

Jordan [00:17:54] How would you naturally bring up talking about titties?

Nicole [00:17:58] Oh, in a conversation?

Jordan [00:18:00] Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:01] Talk about Janelle Monaé and how she’d been taking her titties out. And then you go, “You know…” Here’s a thought. Nobody’s talking about this anymore. I feel like in the ’90s, we always talked about titties. People had, like, boob jobs. Titties were out. And it was, like, Pam Anderson. And I don’t think we have a titty person anymore.

Sasheer [00:18:18] Oh, you know what? It’s because we’re in Assland right now. It’s all about the butt.

Nicole [00:18:24] We are an assland. We have left Boobtopia and taken the train to Assland. Yeah. Butts are hot right now.

Sasheer [00:18:38] Yeah, people are getting, like, you know, Brazilian butt lifts and injections and, you know… It’s all about the butt. People eating the ass.

Nicole [00:18:51] Eating the booties like groceries, which is so funny to say because it’s like, “I don’t eat all my groceries. Sometimes I buy Windex at the grocery store. And you’re not gonna catch me with no Windex, okay?”

Sasheer [00:19:01] “And I’m not going to be cleaning my windows with butt.”

Nicole [00:19:02] Although I would love to see someone clean their windows with a butt and be like, “That’s what I’m doing!” But I will say this about butts. There are bad butts.

Sasheer [00:19:18] There are bad butts.

Nicole [00:19:20] I don’t think there’s any bad titties. I think there are terrible butts. I’ve seen some butts that I don’t want to remember. Like, just a big, long flap, but I don’t like them.

Sasheer [00:19:35] Or just, like, badly operated on or, like, misshapen. It’s just like the lumps are lumping and not doing what they’re supposed to do or move in the way it’s supposed to move.

Nicole [00:19:50] Yeah, I saw one bad butt on Instagram once. It was, like, long, flat… But then you know, like, the little W part– the bottom part? It was, like, drooping. And I was like, “Ew!” It looked like two little chicken cutlets. It was really upsetting for me and my eyeballs.” Yeah. No bad titties.

Sasheer [00:20:18] But what about titties are, like, too hard?

Nicole [00:20:21] Those are great. I love hard titties. I love big surgery titties. Those are the most fun.

Sasheer [00:20:30] Really?

Nicole [00:20:30] Yes! They look like little basketballs on people. That’s fun. Okay. Have we talked about it on this podcast? I love bimbos. On Instagram? I just love them. They’re my favorite. And I thought I lost one, but I recently re-found her.

Sasheer [00:20:52] Like, you have her here, or…?

Nicole [00:20:55] “Yeah! She got out of my grasp!” No, because sometimes Instagram will delete their profiles. So then if you don’t follow their backups, you can’t find them. And then they’re, like, lost in the ether. But I found her on a meme site where people are making fun of her big butt. And then her friend tagged her and was like, “No, that’s my girl! Leave her alone! And I was like, “There she is!” I found her again. I was so excited.

Sasheer [00:21:16] Oh, thank goodness. And what does she do? Just posing? Living her life?

Nicole [00:21:21] Living her life. Posing and, you know, having the best time. Posing in, like, closets, in stores, in bedrooms, in restaurants… You know, anywhere you go, you take a picture.

Sasheer [00:21:34] You gotta. “This is my butt in the closet. This is my butt in a restaurant.”

Nicole [00:21:41] It’s like an Elf on the Shelf. It’s your butt in different places. Right? Don’t you take the Elf on the Shelf to different places?

Sasheer [00:21:49] Yes. Yeah. I don’t think I knew what Elf on the Shelf was until this past Christmas ’cause people were, like, showing videos of themselves placing the elf in different places before their kid woke up. And I was like, “Damn. Being a parent is exhausting.”

Nicole [00:22:06] It is. You have to wake up in the middle of the night and move an elf around and tell them it’s real.

Sasheer [00:22:12] Yeah. This one woman, like, created a whole scene where, like, the elf was, like, falling out of the microwave and, like, popcorn was falling around it. And so it was, like, suspended in the air. I was like, “This is a full art project. At 3:00 a.m.”

Nicole [00:22:27] The thing about kids. Like, you could be a parent who doesn’t do any of that. And then your kid grows up, and they’re like, “Wait a minute. Other kids got fun shit? Other kids got stories that were made at 3:00 a.m.?” And then you’re like, “What were you fucking doing?” Your mom’s like, “Sleeping.” And then also it’s like you have to hide Christmas presents so they don’t find it, but you got to get it before it fucking sells out. You gotta take them to the dentist all the time. Like, no shade to people who have kids, but I cannot be bothered.

Sasheer [00:23:01] It’s a lot of work on top of the work that you’re already doing.

Nicole [00:23:05] And I’m doing a lot of work! Did you hear about the European airline that has a childfree section?

Sasheer [00:23:12] I did.

Nicole [00:23:13] I was like, “Ooh, give me more,” to quote Britney Spears. Gimme, gimme more, okay? I think it’s closed off by an actual partition. So, you have to go through a partition to, like, get there. Or, like, a wall or something.

Sasheer [00:23:32] Not even, like, just a cloth?

Nicole [00:23:34] No, I think it’s an actual partition, where they close them in, and they can scream amongst themselves. I love it.

Sasheer [00:23:42] Sounds great.

Nicole [00:23:43] Right?

Sasheer [00:23:43] I really want that to come over here.

Nicole [00:23:45] Me too!

Sasheer [00:23:48] Did they say where…? Where are the kids? In the front or the back?

Nicole [00:23:52] Are you kidding? In the back. “Put them in the back. Put them on the wings.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re in the back. And I think it’s great.

Sasheer [00:24:06] I think it’s great. I wonder… Oh, okay. We found an article about it. “Flying in Peace.”

Nicole [00:24:12] Wow. “60% of American adults agree that a childfree area on planes and trains would be nothing short of a blessing.”

Sasheer [00:24:20] It’s Corendon Airlines–a Turkish Dutch airline. “16+ to be in one of the 93 seats reserved exclusively for adults.” I love that.

Nicole [00:24:32] Me too.

Sasheer [00:24:33] And I feel like maybe… I mean, I guess I haven’t heard from any parents about this. I don’t know how they would feel about it, but I feel like parents would maybe like that? Question mark? Then you have to worry about other adults, like, giving you a side eye, being like, “Can’t you shut your kid up.” Or, like, you know, you’d be like, “Oh, well, my kid’s not the only one screaming here. So, it’s less pressure off of me.”

Nicole [00:25:01] Yeah. Have a whole romper room back there. Y’all can–as soon as we get to a cruising altitude–take out the toys and let them fucking crawl on the floor like kids like to do. They’re nasty. Ugh, I just can’t… Just imagine traveling with, like, a little person who’s irrational. It’s like, “Come on. We got to get on the plane.” “Why? Why?”

Sasheer [00:25:27] I don’t want to travel with adults who are irrational.

Nicole [00:25:29] Me either. I only like traveling with fun, good times. I’ve only really been on a trip with, like, one person where I was like, “Oh, I’ll never do this again.”

Sasheer [00:25:42] I don’t think I have any nightmare travel experiences with somebody, thankfully. But I have traveled with people where I’m like, “Okay, maybe we travel differently.”

Nicole [00:25:53] Yeah. “We travel very differently, and this is not for me.” I had a friend–we were driving somewhere. And she started painting her nails in the car, and I was like, “No… No. Why? What? What makes you–? What? We’re in a tiny car.” I remember when we were in Rome, we drove to, like, the countryside. And that was the loveliest car ride.

Sasheer [00:26:19] That was so nice.

Nicole [00:26:21] We had a designated driver, who was happy to drive. And we just screamed in the back and had a nice time.

Sasheer [00:26:26] We were the kids in the back.

Nicole [00:26:31] Also, I feel like if you take your shoes off on the plane and you’re barefoot, you have to go back and sit with the children. Like, I think a flight attendant should be like, “I’m sorry, sir. You’re not an adult. You have to go in the back with the children.” Or if you throw any sort of fit, you have to go in the back. And it becomes a punishment of children and badly behaved adults.

Sasheer [00:26:56] “Sir, you’re screaming.” “So is the baby!”

Nicole [00:26:58] One of my favorite videos of all time because he is right. I loved it.

Sasheer [00:27:05] Oh. I told you how the police got on board the last flight I was on? I was hoping that– Not hoping. I didn’t want anything bad to happen. But I was like, “Are they gonna take somebody off the plane?” And then nothing happened! They just, like, went back and talked to people and then walked off.

Nicole [00:27:25] The police were like, “Our friends are landing. Let’s go hit them up.”

Sasheer [00:27:29] “Hey, man. How’s it going? I just wanted to talk to you before you got on the plane. Okay. I’ll see you outside.”

Nicole [00:27:34] “All right. See you later, man. That was fun.” I’m trying to think if anything wild has happened on the plane. I was on a plane where they were like, “Is there any medical doctor aboard?” And then the flight attendant ran up and down the aisle. Like, she did not calm anybody down. If anything, she made the situation worse. And then she had to pull out the oxygen tank and ran that back to the person. And it was just, like, real scary for a hot second. But then they were fine.

Sasheer [00:28:09] And you were in the air when this happened? Oh boy.

Nicole [00:28:14] We were also close enough to the airport that we could have just gone back. But they were like, “We got to get to Miami. You’ll figure it out when you get there.”

Sasheer [00:28:27] Damn. Well, thankfully they were okay.

Nicole [00:28:31] Ooh! Oh no! Oh. Somebody sent this to me. Robin sent this story to me. “A Delta plane underwent a five-hour cleanup operation where the entire carpet needed to be replaced after a passenger suffered a horrific bout of diarrhea.”

Sasheer [00:28:48] Nooo.

Nicole [00:28:48] But here is the thing. If the carpet needed to be replaced and not a piece of the carpet, did this person diarrhea from the front to the back of the plane? Wait. Okay. “Both my wife and I were on the flight. It was a mess. The pilots made the right decision to turn around. The ground crew ripped out the carpet and put a new one in. Considering the circumstances, the ground crew did a great job–along with the flight attendants and the pilot.”

Sasheer [00:29:15] Wait, did the passengers have to stay on the plane while they replaced the carpet?

Nicole [00:29:20] I doubt that. Oh, wait. I don’t know. How do you walk off a plane if the whole carpet is drenched in diarrhea? “My partner was on that flight. It was pretty bad. It was dribbled down the aisle. It smelled horrible. The vanilla scented disinfectant used only made it smell like vanilla shit. After the plane landed, it was thoroughly cleaned. They didn’t leave until around 2:30 in the morning.” Oh no. “The flight was met by emergency vehicles., and EMTs carried the sick passenger off the plane. My partner said the plane was cleaner when they got back on it at 2:00 a.m. than the first time it got on. No smell either.” Damn. I hope they’re okay.

Sasheer [00:30:00] I guess good job on the crew for working so diligently, but boy…

Nicole [00:30:08] I just really need to know did they diarrhea from the front to the back of the plane for the carpet to be removed?

Sasheer [00:30:18] I guess, like, maybe… Let’s say they sat in row 16 and they needed to go to the bathroom all the way in the back of the plane. So maybe from their seat to the back of the plane they’re just dribbling down the aisle.

Nicole [00:30:33] Lord, Lord, Lord. But, okay, here’s another quandary. If you’re not feeling that good… And I’m sure you had diarrhea before you got to the airport–before you got on the plane.

Sasheer [00:30:51] Well, I don’t know. Sometimes it hits you. Sometimes it just hits you. The times I’ve had diarrhea, it came out of nowhere. It was not like I was like, “I feel a rumble coming on.” It was like, “It’s here.”

Nicole [00:31:06] Have you ever had explosive diarrhea where you’re dribbling?

Sasheer [00:31:10] Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:11] Okay. We don’t have to get into it.

Sasheer [00:31:16] Yes, certainly. And I wasn’t home.

Nicole [00:31:19] Oh no. We don’t have to get into that at all. Although, okay, I did recently get on a plane when I probably shouldn’t have. When I went to Vegas, I was sick. I was so hungover, and I didn’t feel good at all to the point where, like, I sat down on the plane and I was like, “I need a vodka soda just to even things out.” And then we got into the sky, and I was like, “Am I going to barf all over this lady next to me?” And then I didn’t. It was bad though. And then the driver to the casino kept, like, trying to talk to me. And I was like, “Sir, you have to stop.” It was bad. It was not good. And I knowingly got on a plane like that, so I guess I get it.

Sasheer [00:32:00] Yeah. See? It can happen to the best of us.

Nicole [00:32:03] It really can. I thought I was going to die, Sasheer, in mid-air. And I slept hard. And that is a 30-minute flight. And I was like, “Am I the only person flying to Vegas with a hangover?” Usually, people are flying from Vegas with a hangover.”

Sasheer [00:32:28] Yeah. Like, “Did you leave something?”

Nicole [00:32:30] I went home with a hangover, too.

Sasheer [00:32:34] Yes!

Nicole [00:32:36] I went and saw Drag Race Live for the second time. And we got double Ketel Ones and soda. And the lady went, “That’s a lot of alcohol and also pretty expensive.” And we were like, “Don’t judge us!” But by the end of the show, I was like, “Aw man! That lady was right!” I was fucked up. And then me and my friend–we were like smoking cigarettes at the casino and drinking more vodka. And then we both cried at the casino at the fucking bar. And then the man was just like, “I’m just going to replace your ashtray.” And we were like, “Thank you so much for being so kind.” And then we ordered room service and then had more drinks. And then my flight left at 6:00 a.m. And you better believe I said for the car to come at 5:00. I gave myself an hour from the hotel to the plane ascending to the sky. And when I got to the airport I was like, “Oh, I have to take a tram? The line is very long. Why did I do this?” I truly sat down and the door closed and we left. I don’t know why I did that.

Sasheer [00:33:43] Because she loves the rush.

Nicole [00:33:44] I love it. I love the rush of being hungover sick, trying to make it to a plane.

Sasheer [00:33:49] Yeah, that feels awful.

Nicole [00:33:52] Yeah. Who are you telling? I just did it twice. It was bad.

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Nicole [00:36:26] Should we answer people’s questions or do a quiz?

Sasheer [00:36:29] Maybe questions.

Nicole [00:36:33] We talked for a long time.

Sasheer [00:36:35] We talked for a long time. We had a lot to catch up on though.

Nicole [00:36:38] So much to catch up on. Oh, also we got to go to dinner or something while you’re here.

Sasheer [00:36:46] Yes. Yeah. I am leaving tomorrow. But then I come back!

Nicole [00:36:51] Aw shit. Okay. Okay. “Only single friend. Hi, Nicole, Sasheer, and the whole gang. I absolutely love the podcast. I drive a lot for work, and when a new episode comes out, it makes my day. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to be more comfortable hanging out at social events with my friends when I am the only one who does not have a significant other. I am the shy one in the group and socially anxious, so just going to these events is a huge step for me. But I feel left out and uncomfortable when I attend these events alone. My friends and their partners are really nice, and it’s cool that they invite me. But I still feel so awkward in the group without a partner. Last time I went to a social event I was so uncomfortable.”

Sasheer [00:37:33] “I had a hard time contributing to the conversations and it felt like I didn’t belong, so I left early. I have a few social events coming up and I’m considering not going because I do not want to feel that uncomfortableness again. Any advice will help greatly.” I mean, I like that you’re going to these events at all because–you never know–you could have fun. And you don’t want to miss out on having experiences, especially with people who you like and who like you. And then also, I like that you’re exercising your right to leave whenever you want. Like, you also don’t have to stay for these events. If you feel uncomfortable or awkward or just are tired, you can leave whenever you want. And I don’t think anyone will have a problem with it because, you know, we’re adults and people leave whenever they want.

Nicole [00:38:26] Also, are you telling yourself the truth? Do every single one of your friends have a significant other, or does it just feel like that? And maybe if you do have a single friend, you can be like, “Hey, do you want to carpool?” So, it’s like you kind of go in together as buddies and kind of, like, have each other’s back. And maybe that single friend also feels the same way you’re feeling. I mean, most of my friends are in relationships, but I don’t necessarily hang out with them. It’s never, like, a couples thing. Do you know what I mean? Like, I usually hang out with, like, my one friend of the partner, but it’s never like… But then also, when I do hang out with my friends with partners and they are together, I’m not uncomfortable because I just talk to them like two separate entities. I think maybe you gotta get to the root of why you’re uncomfortable. Is it jealousy? Is it public displays of affection that make you feel awkward? I need to know more. I need to know why you feel awkward.

Sasheer [00:39:34] Yeah, because, like, you know, you saying you don’t have much to contribute to the conversation when you’re hanging out with your friends and their partners–I can’t imagine that the only thing that they’re talking about is, like, being a couple. Like, if there’s a group of people, they’re probably talking about other stuff. I mean, maybe they might dip into, like, relationship stuff but probably not the whole time. And you can always, like, try to slip in something that you’re interested in, which I know is hard for people who are socially anxious. But what’s the last movie you watched? Or what’s the last, like, book you read? Or is something going on in space that’s cool? People love talking about space.

Nicole [00:40:29] “Is there something going on in space that’s cool?”

Sasheer [00:40:32] You know, like, “Hey, they just saw another sighting of a spaceship,” or “They discovered a new moon on blah, blah, blah. What do you guys think about it?” And then people might start talking about more general things as opposed to maybe a couple things if that is, in fact, what’s happening. But, you know, these are your friends. They like hanging out with you. They wanted you to be there. So just talk about things that you would talk about with your friends normally.

Nicole [00:41:07] I do think if you have a single friend who’s also there to, like, carpool it, coming in together is stronger than alone. But I also really want to know the root of why you’re so… If it’s just social anxiety, okay. But if there’s other things, I’d like to know. So, can I have an update?

Sasheer [00:41:27] Yeah. All right.

Nicole [00:41:29] Solved until I hear more.

Sasheer [00:41:32] Yeah. “Hi, Nicole. Hi, Sasheer. First off, let me say that I found your podcast while googling something along the lines of ‘happy podcast’ about two years ago. And it has been nonstop giggles ever since. Thank you for bringing me joy. I have a friendship question. My friend’s marriage recently turned toxic about a year ago after discovering some secrets about her husband that are irreconcilable. They have been together for the past decade, and she is finding it really hard to end the marriage. As her friend, I have watched her struggle emotionally for the past year, and it’s breaking my heart. She recently confided in me that she got a new job in a new town that would force her to move and get a divorce. However, she hasn’t taken the job yet. I could tell during our last conversation that she doesn’t want to end the marriage or get divorced but knows that she has to.”

Nicole [00:42:21] “My question is what do I say and do as her friend at this moment? I want her to know that I’m here for her no matter what she chooses. But I also desperately want her to get out of this marriage. I’m worried sick for her every day, but I know it’s not my place to force her hand. Honestly, at the risk of sounding selfish, even kind words to calm my nerves as I watch her navigate this toxic/emotionally abusive situation would help.” I do think since she has the opportunity to take a job that would move her away and it’s an easy way for her to get divorced… And I know you don’t want to force her hand. I do think you can say, “You know, real talk? I won’t harp on this, but I really do think you should take this opportunity.” And maybe bring up some of the things that this man or person has done to your friend. And be like, “For these reasons, I really do think you should be out. But again, I do support you. But I don’t want you to turn down something on account of somebody else who hasn’t been good to you. They may be a good sibling, they may be a good, you know, child, they may be a good friend, but they were not a good partner to you. And that doesn’t make them a bad person. They’re just not a good person for you.”

Sasheer [00:43:39] Yeah. You can’t force your friend to do anything. You can say your piece, but it’s up to your friend to figure out what they’re going to do. And maybe you could even ask your friend, “Hey, I want to be supportive of you, but I don’t want to, like, overstep any bounds. You let me know what you need. If you just need to talk to me and vent and cry while you’re processing this and you don’t actually want advice, let me know. If you actually want me to give my thoughts on how I feel about what you’re going through, I can do that. But if you don’t want to hear that, I’m fine doing that, too.” She knows. She straight up applied for a job in a different town. She knows what she needs to do to get out. She didn’t want to do it right now. She might do it one day. She also may never do it. And that also has to be okay. I mean, it’s not “okay,” quote unquote. But that’s her life, and that’s her choice. So, she may not want to hear advice right now because she knows good and well what she should be doing but doesn’t want to do it right now. And no matter what you say, nothing’s going to change until she wants to change it. So, you could also have the conversation of, like, “I want to be supportive, but I don’t want to keep giving the same advice over and over again or be, like, harping on things or be too pushy if you’re not going to take the advice or actually listen to it. So, what do you want? How do you want me to play a part in this? Or do you not want to play a part at all and just be a sounding board?” And then also, you can be clear about your boundaries, too, because you also don’t have to just take all this information and because that is taxing to bear witness to your friend kind of going through a really unhealthy situation. So, you can also be like, “It’s really sad for me to watch this. Like, it’s really sad for me to see you go through all of this. I want to help you process this, but it’s hard for me to listen to this stuff, too. So maybe if you talk to your therapist about it…” Hopefully they have one. Or, you know, “I hope you have a broader support system than just me because this is a lot for me to take on just by myself.”

Nicole [00:46:06] Yeah, I think that sounds good.

Sasheer [00:46:10] Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:10] Solved!

Sasheer [00:46:10] Solved! The Real Good Podcast by U.S. Bank aims to celebrate and gain knowledge from those working to change historical institutions and policies that disenfranchise BIPOC communities and women. Hosted by Faith Salie, each season provides the opportunity to learn from people who are on the ground, working to better their immediate communities or their industries. Topics include building community centered small businesses, bringing minority deposit institutions to new markets, the real impact of diversity programs at the corporate level, and more. This is not a banking podcast, but Faith and guests do explore how various issues impact people’s abilities to reach their goals and build generational wealth. The goal is to have open, direct discussions of the issues without sugarcoating things with corporate speak or letting corporations–including U.S. Bank–from doing their part to change systems of power for better. Listen to Real Good on all major podcast platforms or visit usbank.com/realgood.

Nicole [00:47:25] Isn’t it obnoxious when companies have those sneaky gadgets hiding and deep in the fine print or bills that seem to go up for no dang reason. Oh boy! There’s a lot of yada yada yadas I’ve encountered in my life, like budget airlines that promised a cheap fare but then charge you for every little thing until you realize you’re paying more. You could have gone somewhere else! Actually, brands usually want me to say a lot of yada yada when I do ads like this. At Metro by T-Mobile, there is not a yada yada yada. That means no contracts, no price hikes, no surprises. They don’t even want me to speed through the legal. So here it is. When they say no price hikes when you join, they mean your price will never increase for talk, text, and smartphone data plans. Their only exclusions are for limited time promos, per use charges, and third-party services. I guess that really is not a yada yada. Metro by T-Mobile–not a yada yada. “Hey, Nicole and Sasheer. Love from the UK.” Oh! Cheerio! We love the UK. “I’m obsessed with you both and listen and laugh with you every week. I’m having trouble with a friend who’s having issues managing their anger. They are my best friend in the world–a wonderful person–so funny. And truly there’s no one I’d rather have by my side in this crazy world. However, we’ve been friends for ten years, and I’ve always known they had a short fuse. Aries, am I right? But recently I’ve noticed their anger issues getting more intense. It’s difficult because I know they struggle with their mental health, but it’s getting to the point where it’s hard to brush off. They used to go to therapy but stopped because it, quote unquote, ‘wasn’t helping.’ And they don’t want to seek out a new therapist. They’re also pretty inconsistent with taking their meds.”

Sasheer [00:49:07] “I know that anger is never directed at me, and their outbursts usually come from road rage or technology failing them, etc. And while I understand that things can be frustrating and people on the road can be annoying, it’s getting to the point where I get more and more anxious being around them as I’m always bracing myself for an outburst. We live together and both work from home. It all kind of culminated recently during my birthday weekend. We took a trip together and their angst was out of control. I had a hard time relaxing and enjoying my weekend. And when we were driving back home, they asked me how I was. And I said, paraphrased for the sake of length, ‘Honestly, I’ve had a hard time truly enjoying my birthday because your anger outbursts are really frazzling my nervous system. I understand why you’re upset, and I’m not saying you’re not allowed to feel how you feel. But your actions are now affecting those around you pretty badly.’ To this, they replied, ‘Well, it is literally a stress response. If it feels bad for you, imagine how it feels for me.’”

Nicole [00:50:10] “It kind of felt like they brushed me off and they weren’t interested in how their actions affected me. I’ve also been going through a hard time and just wanted to have a fun birthday weekend with my best friend and forget our troubles. But honestly, I feel worse now. I don’t know how else I can communicate with them that they should really get help. It’s getting to the point where I think we shouldn’t live together anymore for the sake of our friendship. I know they feel safe around me and that’s partly why they have these outbursts around me. But it’s hard because I feel like they give everyone the best of them, and I mostly get the shitty parts these days. I love them like family, and I want them to get help. But they don’t seem to want to help themselves. Please help me with my angry friend.”

Sasheer [00:50:45] Hmm. Well, I’m sorry your friend can’t be empathetic or aware enough to acknowledge your perception of all of this. To say, “Imagine how I feel…” I’m sure they are feeling bad. But also, that’s ignoring your emotions in that moment. I mean, maybe you need to move out. Like, maybe that would be helpful for both of you. Sometimes, unfortunately, people take the people closest to them for granted–be it their partner, their family, their roommate, or their best friend. So, you’re probably right that other people are getting in the better parts of this person and you’re getting all of the other stuff, and that’s not fair to you. And it sounds like you’re being very honest and clear. If you do choose to move out, I would say something beforehand, like, “Actually, this really is affecting my nervous system. I love you, but I don’t want this to affect our friendship and our relationship. And I think it might be best if I leave. And, you know, we’re still friends, but I can’t be around this on a daily basis because it really is creating problems and stressors for me.” And maybe that would be a wakeup call for your friend. Or maybe it won’t. But either way, you do need to protect your peace.

Nicole [00:52:10] And to them saying, “Well, if it makes you feel bad, imagine how it makes me feel.” I would be like, “Yeah, I don’t feel good. So that must mean you’re not feeling good. Don’t you want to feel good? Don’t you want to figure out what causes these, you know, outbursts and stuff?” And again, you know, you can’t, like, force somebody into therapy. But, like, I think maybe if you phrase it that way, that might be helpful. But I do think moving out would probably be your best-case scenario. And I do think you can phrase it by, like, “I’m not criticizing you for the way you live. I’m just taking care of me. And I’m being a little selfish in this moment because I do care about our friendship, and I do want to remain friends.” But then also you might have to, you know, grapple with the fact that that might affect your friendship. They may hold that against you because you’re protecting yourself. But, you know, just be like, “I’ll always be there for you.” But yeah, I get that. Someone who has a lot of outbursts–it is tough to, like, relax because you’re like, “Ooh, when is it going to happen again?” And I’m sorry that you do have to deal with that. But I do think preserving your peace of mind is the most important.

Sasheer [00:53:27] Yeah. And it’s the only thing you can control. Like, your friend isn’t going to go to therapy just because you said they should go to therapy. They’ll figure that out on their own timeline. But you don’t have to wait around for that. Like, you can take action in your own life now and make sure you’re not being affected by this so often.

Nicole [00:53:51] Yeah, I agree. It’s a shitty situation.

Sasheer [00:53:58] It is. That’s stressful because also you want to hang out with that person, too. You’re like, “Oh, but I just never know when they’re going to start screaming.”

Nicole [00:54:08] And, yeah, it’s not helpful every time they scream to be like, “Hey. I didn’t like it.” But maybe start doing that? Be like, “Hey, this is a little too intense for me. I got to go.” So maybe it’s like cause and effect. It’s like, “You scream, I leave.”

Sasheer [00:54:24] Yeah. I’m sure there are, like, tactics that a therapist or people have created where it’s like, “Either you leave or…” Yeah, I feel like probably removing yourself from the situation while they’re freaking out… We don’t we don’t know. We’re not doctors. But I feel like…

Nicole [00:54:48] No. Even though I am Nicole Byer, D.D.S., I am not a doctor. Wait, I think that’s a dentist. Aw, fuck. Oh, I think it’s just an M.D. A medical doctor.

Sasheer [00:55:00] Well, dentists are doctors.

Nicole [00:55:02] Nicole Byer, D.D.S.

Sasheer [00:55:04] “Even though I’m a doctor, I’m only a doctor of teeth.”

Nicole [00:55:07] “I only like them teeth. Don’t give me the rest of your body.” This honestly might be a good question for a therapist.

Sasheer [00:55:15] Yeah. I’m sure there are actual tactics of how to deal with people’s outbursts like that. I don’t know what they are specifically, but… Yeah, maybe ask your therapist or… Google.

Nicole [00:55:27] Google.

Sasheer [00:55:28] Google. Yeah. I think what you can do is be active for yourself, and then hopefully your friend will figure it out.

Nicole [00:55:37] Yeah. Solved! If you want queries and questions answered, you can email nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. You can call, leave a voicemail, text a message, or leave a voice note. 424-645-7003.

Sasheer [00:55:54] We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.

Nicole [00:55:58] We have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

Sasheer [00:56:02] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.

Nicole [00:56:07] Yeah. See you later!

Sasheer [00:56:09] Bye!