EP. 235 — Nicole Says 2024 is Her Year

NICOLE: Hey, Sasheer. You’re here.

SASHEER: Hi, Nicole. We’re on a roll.

NICOLE: Okay. That was good.

SASHEER: How are you?

NICOLE: Listen. I’m good. I’m thriving. I’m on the East coast. It’s a little chilly, gotta say.

SASHEER: Is this technically winter? Yeah. It’s wintertime.

NICOLE: Yeah, it is winter. ‘Tis the season.

SASHEER: I think, honestly, living in LA, I get confused about the seasons because I’m like, “Is it? Have the seasons actually changed? Did we reach fall? Did we reach winter?” So, in some places it’s actually winter.

NICOLE: It is. And I remember my first year in LA, I went to the bank for something. And there was a child in a costume, and I was like, “What? Why? It’s so hot.” And then I looked at my phone. It was Halloween. Sasheer.

SASHEER: Nicole.

NICOLE: Christmas is around the corner.

SASHEER: Oh, this is true.

NICOLE: What do you want for Christmas? What are five things you want for Christmas? Actually three. What are three things? Five is a lot.

SASHEER: That was a little overwhelming. I don’t know if I even have five wants like that, even though there’s a whole song about things that people are getting for Christmas. And there’s 12 of them. 12 days! I can’t think of things.

NICOLE: What are they getting? Oh, partridges in pear trees.

SASHEER: And turtle doves.

NICOLE: I don’t want that shit! Who wrote that song?

SASHEER: Maybe back in the day, those were, like, hot commodities.

NICOLE: “Two turtle doves.” You want two birds?

SASHEER: You do love birds.

NICOLE: I do love a bird. But I don’t know what a turtle dove is. Is it a chocolate turtle? You know how turtles are, like, chocolate with caramel? Is it a candy bird?

SASHEER: I guess I thought it was more like a dove. Who’s this?

JUDITH: Sorry about that. Those are who wrote The Twelve Days of Christmas.

SASHEER: It absolutely is not, Judith. One of those people is Rick Moranis. There’s no way .

JUDITH: Oh, maybe that’s a movie. Here we go.

NICOLE: That’s really funny. I mean, Sasheer was coming for you, Judith.

SASHEER: I was like, “There’s no way.” “Lady Graham wrote The Twelve Days of Christmas in 1898.”

NICOLE: She didn’t have shit to do in 1898? That seemed like a time where you were, like, selling stuff and walking through mud and shit.

SASHEER: Well, you could definitely write a song doing those two things. It actually sounds like she had all the time in the world to write Twelve Days of Christmas.

NICOLE: You’re right. I just feel like back in, like, those times, it’s like… I mean, I guess, how do we find joy now? But I’m like, “Wasn’t slavery back then? You looked at slaves and were like, ‘I’m going to write a fun song about presents.’”

SASHEER: Yes, because she didn’t have any work to do! All the slaves were doing the work for her. She had the most free time in the world.

NICOLE: Wait, so it’s like, “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…”

SASHEER: What was the first thing?

JUDITH: “Partridge in a pear tree.”

SASHEER: Oh, duh.

NICOLE: What’s the second thing?

SASHEER: “Two turtle doves and a partridge–”

NICOLE: What’s the third thing?

SASHEER: “Three French hens.”

NICOLE: This is a song about birds.

SASHEER: “Four mockingbirds, three French hens…” Yeah, right.

NICOLE: Wow, Sasheer, you know this whole song?

SASHEER: “Five golden rings!” Okay. And then I don’t want to look at the screen. I’m trying to see if I can get all of them. Okay. Six is… Actually, let me just go from 12. “12 drummers drumming?” “12 drummers drumming. 11 ladies dancing.” Who’s 11? “Pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four mockingbirds–” No. “Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

NICOLE: Wow, Sasheer, you knew so many of those. So, wait, there’s going to be one Lord a-leaping with no lady. That’s fucked up. And that’s the origin of an incel. They’re like, “It’s Christmas, and nobody’s got a bitch for me? I hate women!”

SASHEER: And that’s how an incel was born on Christmas Day. Jesus died, and an incel was born.

NICOLE: I mean, one of the lords–he’s not gonna want to fuck with one of the eight maids a-milk because they’re milking their titties. They have something to do.

SASHEER: They’re busy. They have jobs.

NICOLE: Okay. Sasheer. What did I just–? Oh, I almost called you Christine. I don’t know a Christine. There’s nobody in my life named Christine, except for the lead of Phantom of the Opera, which I have not seen in a minute. But what are the three things that you want for Christmas?

SASHEER: Gosh, that’s really hard. I love bucket hats. I’m really into bucket hats. Why are you laughing?

NICOLE: No, I’m not laughing. That was a supportive chuckle. It was a supportive chuck.

SASHEER: Why are you laughing?

NICOLE: Because maybe I got you a bucket hat.

SASHEER: Really?

NICOLE: I don’t know. Maybe.

SASHEER: I’m excited to see. What else would I want? I would also want… It’s really hard because I’m, like, only thinking of things I need. But I don’t want friends to get me things I need, like kitchen stuff or whatever. I’m like, “What do I want?” A backpack purse and maybe, likes, some cool socks.

NICOLE: Okay. I like that. She’s an accessory diva.

SASHEER: Yeah. We’re accessorizing my life right now. What are the three things you want?

NICOLE: Okay. To find true love, world peace, and socks. Okay. So, you know how I wear ankle pants? Like, most of the time my pants don’t hit the floor; I like a little flood. So, I was like, “Okay, what if with my Keds, I start wearing, like, scrunchy socks?” I just did a job where we were outside, and I got over my texture thing by wearing the socks I like underneath the other socks. I’m double-socked.

SASHEER: She is double-socked.

NICOLE: Don’t come over here. I’m double-socked.

SASHEER: You don’t want to mess with her. She’s double-socked.

NICOLE: I’m ready.

SASHEER: I like that.

NICOLE: Those are the three things I want. And honestly? Okay, don’t come for me. I know I spent most of 2019 being like, “Next year is my year!” And then 2020 was 2020. But I really do feel like 2024 is gonna be my year. I really do. Sasheer, I think it’s going to be your year. I think a lot of nice things are going to happen to a lot of nice people. And I think the bad people–okay things will happen to them. Like, I think everyone’s going to have a good time.

SASHEER: Ooh, I like that. 2024 is another election year, so… Who knows?

NICOLE: Okay, but here’s the thing. Good shit’s going to happen. I feel it in my little heart. I feel it in my little bones. I’m excited. 2024.

SASHEER: Yeah, I’m excited, too. It’ll be great.

NICOLE: Yeah. I’m so excited. It’s going to be great because 2023 was booboo trash. It was not a year I liked.

SASHEER: I guess some bad things happened.

NICOLE: All of the bad things happened. It was bad. I didn’t like it. But 2024, the car is turning around–not doing a U-turn and going back where it came from. It’s going to make a left somewhere and a couple of right turns, and it’s going to be great.

SASHEER: I love this. I’m excited. Oh, you know what? You and I are actually going to be together on Christmas. And I think it might be funny–because we’re going to be in an airport–to find gifts for each other in the airport.

NICOLE: Oh, my God! We really should do that. That’s fun. Also, when the plane takes off, we should go, “Oh, holy night,” and see if we can get everyone to sing along.

SASHEER: Yeah, that could either go really well and, like, magical or horrible and everyone’s so upset.

NICOLE: I think everyone would be so upset because here’s the thing. When I’m having fun, everything is cool. I’m hahaha-tee-hee-heeing–having a great time. Sometimes when other people are having fun, I’m a grumpy person. I’m like, “Jesus Christ, why are they so happy?” Does that ever happen to you?

SASHEER: Oh, all the time. Like, “Those fucking laughing people, have a good time.” And it’s like, “Yeah, I am that person sometimes. They’re having joy.”

NICOLE: Yes. Like, 99% of the time I’m having a great time. But the minute I’m alone and someone’s having a good time, boy, am I angry. Sometimes I’m like, “Let me in on the fun!” I was on a flight once, and there were these two men who were truly, like, the straight, male versions of us. They were tee-hee-heeing. They were talking about the people walking behind them or, like, walking past them–not in a bad way. They’re like, “Man, that’s a good jacket. Ha!” And they had already started drinking, and they were having the best time. And I think I was texting you, being like, “These men suck. I want them to die.” And then I landed, and I was like, “They were just having a nice time.”

SASHEER: Yeah, people do that with us, I’m sure. I’m sure people are like, “Oh, my God, these girls are giggling so much.”

NICOLE: They’re laughing at nothing. I’m sure when we went to Vegas, people were really mad because you were in Comfort Plus and I was in First. And I kept turning around and pointing and laughing at you.

SASHEER: Yes. It was, like, a long-distance conversation that was being had across the aisle–across the rows.

NICOLE: Oh, I love it. I love being like that, and I hate when other people do it. It’s like, “You can’t have fun when I’m not having fun.”

SASHEER: “Yeah! Let me in on the fun, but also don’t because I won’t understand any of the references you’re talking about. We’re not friends. I don’t know you.”

NICOLE: “Yeah, I don’t fucking know you. And I don’t know your life.” Sasheer, can I tell you something? I’m getting old. Did you know? Did you hear about it?

SASHEER: Well, I’m months older than you, so this doesn’t make me feel good.

NICOLE: You’re right. You are older than me, and we should never forget that. I did a job because strike’s over, and I had to get down on my knees a lot and then stand up a lot. And boy, oh, boy. At one point they were like, “What can we do to make your getup a little cleaner?” And I was like, “I don’t know. Shave 90 pounds off of me in 20 years. This is it. This is what you’re getting.”

SASHEER: Oh, God. I know. It sucks. Yeah. All those, like, videos of people being like, “If you were born in, like, 1990-something and you’re…” Oh, God. We were born in the ’80s.

NICOLE: Lord. Yeah. Sasheer, people who were in the year 2000–at the willennium–are 23 years old now.

SASHEER: They really should be called the “willennials.”

NICOLE: They really fucked up on the Gen-Z or whatever. They should be willennials. “Welcome to the willennium. We’re here. We’ve been here for 23 years.” And the willennium, honestly, is not going well for Will Smith.

SASHEER: No, this was a bad year for him.

NICOLE: But honestly, it is. He has an Oscar.

SASHEER: Yeah, what a mixed bag. He does have an Oscar but such a sullied name.

NICOLE: Yeah, it’s very funny because he behaved badly and then got a reward and then got dragged for the rest of the year. Like, that’s a funny turn of events. Usually, you do something good and then maybe something bad and then get dragged. But it was bad, good, bad. Nice little pattern.

SASHEER: Yeah. And it’s also like… We know so much about his personal life. And then so people are now dragging him for his personal life and what he did very publicly–smacked Chris Rock. It’s just all very sad.

NICOLE: Yeah. But I agree with you. We should be calling Gen-Z the “willennials.” I wish he would make more music I miss… Okay. What’s that song? “Here come the Man in Black. Men in Black.” I love that song.

SASHEER: “They won’t let you remember.”

NICOLE: Why did he stop making the theme songs to his movies?

SASHEER: I think maybe because he started doing more serious movies. So, I think, like, it’d be hard for him to do, like, a Pursuit of Happyness rap.

NICOLE: “Why can’t I be happy? I’m looking for it.”

SASHEER: “Here comes the Pursuit of Happyness.”

NICOLE: “Yeah! Serena and Venus, hit that ball!” I feel like movies nowadays don’t have, like, theme songs or, like, banging soundtracks.

SASHEER: This is true. I guess–yeah–they’re just usually, like, nice songs that are in the soundtrack but not a specific, like, “This is obviously The Wild Wild West theme song.”

NICOLE: “Welcome to the wild, wild west.” I don’t know how that goes, but you get it. That’s like Romeo Must Die. That was Aaliyah. Didn’t she have, like, two songs on it?

SASHEER: I feel like the whole soundtrack was Aaliyah songs. She had so many songs in that movie.

NICOLE: Right? What are we doing? Bring that back. Honestly, bring back old movies. Bring back old entertainment.

SASHEER: “I miss old entertainment.”

NICOLE: I do. I think it’s more thoughtful and, like, more work went into it. Now, I’m not saying Romeo Must Die is a masterpiece. It simply isn’t. But it was fun. It was very, very fun.

SASHEER: It was very fun. Okay. Oh, Destiny’s Child had a song on Romeo Must Die? That’s fun.

NICOLE: Okay, Lil’ Mo. Remember her?

SASHEER: I do remember her.

NICOLE: Timbaland & Magoo? Yes!

SASHEER: Chanté Moore? This was an excellent–

NICOLE: Yes. This is great. This is what we need to be doing.

SASHEER: Cross promoting!

NICOLE: “Hello? Hollywood? They didn’t pick up.”

SASHEER: “Oh, no. Get them back on the phone!”

NICOLE: “Get them on the horn!”

SASHEER: I wonder… What do you think it’d be like if Will Smith right now came out with, like, a hardcore rap album just to really change his image?

NICOLE: I would love it. That is the rebrand I am waiting for–for him to be like, “I’m not Mr. Nice Guy anymore. remember I’m from Philly. I’ve been on the streets. And parents don’t understand and neither does Jada.” I want it.

SASHEER: I would love that. I absolutely would love it. And I really think it’ll help his whole image.

NICOLE: I think so, too. Should we become his publicists?

SASHEER: Yes. I am willing to dedicate my whole life to that.

NICOLE: “Where are Sasheer and Nicole? They opened up a publicity house? They don’t know what it is, but they’re publicists. And they only rep Will Smith, and he doesn’t know it.”

SASHEER: He just keeps getting assigned these very strange things, and he does it.

NICOLE: That would be amazing–if we could control Will Smith via remote.

SASHEER: Yeah.

NICOLE: What did you do this week? Anything fun? Anything silly?

SASHEER: I tried skateboarding for the first time.

NICOLE: I saw the video.

SASHEER: It went surprisingly well. It was a longboard. And I guess I truly have never even stepped on a skateboard because I’m just like, “That looks like I’m about to break my face.” And I got on it. And then, like, it’s kind of scary to push off and be like, “I’m going!” I slowly pushed off and then it wasn’t bad. I was, like, kind of grooving. And I think it’s helpful that it was a longboard, so I had more space for my feet. But it was actually fun.

NICOLE: Look at you, Tony Hawk. I almost said “Tanya Hawkins,” and I was like, “I don’t know who that is.” I don’t know.

SASHEER: It’s like Tonya Harding and Stephen Hawking?

NICOLE: Yeah. Those are two people that no one’s ever, you know, blended together. I do want to get back into roller skating. I think my ankle is strengthened enough.

SASHEER: Oh, good! I would love to.

NICOLE: I just got to do it. I just got to do it. Yeah, but my bones. I feel rickety, Sasheer. I might have to get a massage or something.

SASHEER: Ooh, I’m due for a massage, too. I actually texted my masseuse in LA. And he was like, “Do you want a 60-minute massage, a 90-minute massage, or 120?” I was like, “That’s an option? A two-hour massage?” I guess. But I, like, got excited. I was like, “Ooh! 120?” And I was like, “Oh, my God. No. I would melt.” I’d be like goop at the end of it. I think I’d be like, “Okay, I want to get up now. I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”

NICOLE: Yeah, that seems too long. I think I would fall asleep.

SASHEER: Yeah, I definitely fall asleep during massages.

NICOLE: I think when we were in Mexico, I fell asleep. It was, like, by the water, the water was crashing, and I was like,” Mm. Goodbye!” And then I woke up because I farted, which is humiliating.

SASHEER: Yeah, but, you know, that means your bodies relax. Everything’s coming out.

NICOLE: Also humiliating? My friend today walked in on me in the bathroom and saw my titties. And all he said was, “Oh no! Titties!” And I just didn’t move or anything. And then afterwards, I laughed, and I was like, “Why was my reaction time so slow? Am I okay?”

SASHEER: Well, I mean, at least it was that and not you, like, on the toilet.

NICOLE: Yeah, you’re right. But I am trying to, like, craft the perfect response to when someone opens the door when you’re on the toilet because it’s always like, “Oh no! Someone’s in here!” But I want to come up with something funnier. Do you want to join me?

SASHEER: I did see a tweet that said, like, “How do you respond when someone knocks on the bathroom?” And they’re like, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

NICOLE: Twitter, aka X, is very funny.

SASHEER: It’s very funny. People are funny.

NICOLE: People are so funny. Something happened to my algorithm on there where I don’t see any tweets from anybody I know. I just see memes now.

SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, yeah, I don’t follow anybody. I just see random stuff, and it’s great.

NICOLE: I’m into it. I sent you a throwback from 2020 where a child was in school on Zoom school and their naked mother came into the room. Did you see it?

SASHEER: I don’t think I did.

NICOLE: It’s funny.

SASHEER: Wait, it’s on Twitter?

NICOLE: It’s on Twitter. I sent it right into your inbox.

SASHEER: Oh, here it is.

NICOLE: It really made me laugh.

SASHEER: And the child’s just looking at the screen like, “What? That’s my mom. That’s how she walks around.”

NICOLE: And a lot of the comments are like, “Oh, my God. Why is that woman naked in front of her child?” I grew up in a naked house where my mom was naked all the time. And, like, it wasn’t weird to see my mother naked. And it’s weird to me… I don’t know. I feel like if I had a kid, I’d be like, “Well, you came out of me. Whatever. Who cares? I see you naked.”

SASHEER: Totally. Yeah, I also think it’s, like, good for kids to see people comfortable in their skin. I feel like when you train them to cover up early, they’re like, “Oh, this is something I have to be ashamed about,” as opposed to, like, “It’s just my body. This is it. I’m walking around. It’s fine.”

NICOLE: Yes, it’s just your body. “Let it all hang out, young one.”

SASHEER: “Hey, youngblood. Let that body hang out.”

NICOLE: “Just let it all hang out. Come on.” Maybe that’s too far in one direction.

SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, eventually you do need to put clothes on to be a citizen of the world.

NICOLE: Were you a naked kid or a clothed kid?

SASHEER: I was a naked kid. I’m trying to think when I stop being a naked kid. Probably sometime during elementary school. Like, I don’t know if it was, like, first or second grade or something. But yeah, eventually I was like, “Oh, I should not walk around like this.”

NICOLE: I was an underwear kid for a long, long time, where I just wore underwear. And then I was told I had to wear my shirt, so then I wore my shirt and my underwear. And then I was told, “You have to put pants on.” And I was like, “Ugh.” But I love Winnie the Poohing it. I love having my bottom half out.

SASHEER: It is very freeing. Pants really are the most uncomfortable part of an outfit, unless they’re soft pants.

NICOLE: I agree, but I truly made a choice years ago where I was like, “I won’t be constricted, okay? No, no. I will be free.” All of my jeans have an insane amount of spandex, and then they’re basically sweatpants.

SASHEER: Yeah. I have very few jeans. And yeah, I guess they’re also stretchy. But whenever I do an acting job and the costume designer is like, “What kind of jeans do you wear?” I’m like, “I don’t. Please don’t get me jeans. Please actually get me anything else,” which actually turns out great because then that makes them figure out other things than jeans, which is like cute, patterned, flowy pants or, like, something else. And that changes the style of whatever my character was, as opposed to, like, jeans and a nice blouse. And I’m like, “Yes, let’s do that. Please stop putting me in jeans because that feels very basic.”

NICOLE: It is basic, and it’s what I live in on set. You better believe it. They say, “Do you want jeans and a cold shoulder top?” I do not understand a cold shoulder top. Why does anyone want it? Who wants just your shoulders cut out? They make the ugliest–

SASHEER: Wait, it’s just a cutout of the shoulder?

NICOLE: Yes. It’s a huge thing in fat fashion. They’re like, “You want to cover up everything? Your shoulder is not disgusting. That you can show off to people.” And then, God forbid, the peplum comes back. That took the fuck up over it. That’s a cold shoulder top.

SASHEER: Oh, I see. Yeah, that is strange. So, everything else can be warm while my shoulders be chilly?

NICOLE: “I want them out for the world. It’s the sexiest part of me.” Also, jeans, I think, are the hardest thing to fit. So, I’m like, “Don’t you want stretchy things or, like–I don’t know–a pant?” I don’t know. But I guess that’s what people wear. They wear jeans.

SASHEER: I guess people do wear jeans. I just really don’t want to–ever. That’s not comfortable for me.

NICOLE: I love my stretchy ones. I saw a lady today and these big wide jeans that look really cute. And then she was wearing a white tank top. And I was like, “Ma’am, it’s 30 degrees. Where’s your coat?” Then I was like, “I’m getting old.” I truly was like, “That baby needs a coat. This young woman needs a coat.” And I almost said something to her. I was almost like, “What are you doing out here? You’re going to catch a cold.” And then I was like, “Go inside. Just go inside. Don’t mother this woman.”

SASHEER: Maybe she’s, like, quickly grabbing something–running an errand and then going back to her apartment.

NICOLE: She seemed like she was out. She seemed like it was a choice, and she was standing on it, and I didn’t like it.

SASHEER: No, I wouldn’t like it either because it represents a lack of preparedness.

NICOLE: And, I mean, I’m known for a lack of preparedness. I keep traveling without a coat, but I do have, like, a big sweatshirt to wear. But, like, she was in a tank top. I keep flying to Chicago without a coat. It’s insane. I don’t know why I keep doing it.

SASHEER: That is very funny.

NICOLE: And before I leave, I’m like, “Better bring a coat.” And then I almost miss my flight to… I think it was Pennsylvania. I don’t remember, but I almost missed my flight because I was like, “Oh, you need to bring a coat.” So, then I tried on a bunch of coats, and I didn’t build in that coat-trying-on time for plane time because I leave exactly an hour before boarding. Listen, hear me out. Hear me out. Okay. Clear Precheck. Zoom, zoom. Zip, zip, zap. So, from my house to LAX, it takes anywhere from 30 minutes–20 minutes if there’s absolutely no traffic–to… So, if I get there at boarding, technically, I still have another, like, 20 minutes to get on the flight because the boarding door closes 15 minutes prior to departure. So, I have all up until that time. And that’s extra time. So technically, if I leave an hour before boarding, I really have an hour and a half to get to the flight.

SASHEER: Okay. Yeah. You’re living on the edge.

NICOLE: I haven’t missed a flight in a while. I don’t want to figure this out because I don’t actually know. I haven’t missed a flight in a really long time.

SASHEER: Good. That is good.

NICOLE: And I told you this the other day. I was so mad because someone was sitting in my seat on my American Airlines flight. I had to fly American because nothing went straight to Philly on Delta. I was like, “Delta?” Then I was like, “Okay.” But then… So, I’m on my American Airlines flight. There’s someone sitting in my seat. And I looked at the person and I looked at the person next to them and I was like, “Oh, they must be a couple.” And I was like, “You’re in my seat.” And he’s like, “Oh. Uh…” And I was like, “Are you guys together?” And he was like, “Yeah.” And I was like, “Okay.” So, then I sat in their seat. But then the man was in my seat. But then I got called a woman’s name. So not only did they take my seat, but they also shuffled around. And then I’m getting called the wrong name. And then someone was poking my chair. And I was like, “We don’t even have monitors on American Airlines. What are you poking?” And that wasn’t my person. I was not supposed to be poked. And I had their future, and I didn’t want it. And I was so mad. Why did I bring this up? Oh, because I’m mad!

SASHEER: I would be, too. I’m sorry you had someone else’s future or whatever–their destiny.

NICOLE: That’s what it was. It was someone else’s future. If you, like, let people have your seat, you have their future. And I’ll never do that again. I’m going to make people get the fuck up out of my seat, so I have the future I’m meant to have.

SASHEER: I just can’t imagine telling someone “No,” though. Like, if someone’s like, “Hey, me and my wife or whatever… Me and my kid want to sit together,” I just would do it unless it was like a terrible seat. I think I would switch.

NICOLE: Usually I say no. Usually I say, “Absolutely not. I picked my seat for a reason.” But they were a Black couple, and I was like, “That’s my brother and my sister.” So, I took his future or her future. I don’t know.

SASHEER: I’m so sorry. Now you need to be an equal opportunist and deny everyone. No one gets your seats.

NICOLE: Who gives a shit? I will sit where I want to sit. I can’t believe you just give up your seat so easily.

SASHEER: Yeah, because as long as we’re in the same section, it doesn’t really matter to me. Yeah, I don’t know. And then also I don’t want to wait for them. If they’re all, like, cozy and they got their laptops out, coffee in the seat, and stuff like that, I don’t want to wait for them to gather all their belongings.

NICOLE: I do. I want to watch it. “You sat in the wrong seat on purpose, and you knew what you were doing. And you thought I was going to just, like, let it go? Get real. Get up.”

SASHEER: You’re a villain!

NICOLE: “Grow up. Get in your seat.” I am a villain. I’m an airplane villain, and I love it.

SASHEER: Oh, my goodness. This is funny. Actually, there was a post about a woman who would not give up her seat for a child and a parent to sit next to each other. But I think the kid was, like, a teenager or a preteen or something. So it wasn’t, like, a baby or a toddler. And people were mixed because they were like, “Just let the families sit together.” And then other people were like, “I mean, that kid’s old enough to be on his own. It’s not like he’s. Yeah, flying on a different plane.”

NICOLE: Here’s the thing. We all have access to the same seating chart. We all have the same equal opportunity to pick the seats to sit next to the people we want to sit next to. And if you don’t take the opportunity to do that, I’m not giving that to you. You want me to bend for the lack of your preparedness? No. No. But if I’m running late, I will ask everyone on that line going into security if I can go ahead of them. I have no shame. I will literally show them my phone and be like, “My flight’s leaving in five minutes! Please! The boarding door is closing in five minutes!” Absolutely.

SASHEER: That’s so stressful to me! I can’t imagine talking to a whole line of people and being like, “Can I–? Excuse me. I have to–”

NICOLE: Well, here’s what you do. Get that diaphragm going and go, “Excuse me! My flight’s leaving in 15 minutes! Can I get ahead of you?” And then everyone will turn around slowly and go, “Yeah.” And then you rush, rush, rush. And then you’re like, “Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Did it.”

SASHEER: But it’s also funny that you won’t give someone your seat when you expect a whole line of people to allow you to go to the front of the line in security because of your lack of preparedness. So, you won’t pay it forward?

NICOLE: It’s different because we don’t have the same access. We had different roads that we all got to the airport to get to. Maybe you live underneath the airport–you live close to the airport–so you’re on time. I don’t live close to the airport. I don’t hear the planes at my house. So, I had to journey to the airport. And sometimes traffic be hitting.

SASHEER: I don’t think everyone in the line ahead of you are people who live under the airport.

NICOLE: Everyone in front of me is an airport goblin. And they all crawled from under LAX to get on line to go to another airport to visit their goblin families. And honestly, I don’t need to stand behind goblins anyway.

SASHEER: It’s a good point. Yeah.

NICOLE: Thank you. But, like, traffic–that’s stuff I can’t control. I can control picking my seat. Don’t you see the difference?

SASHEER: But you can control leaving earlier so you avoid traffic.

NICOLE: Okay. Sasheer. Okay. Okay. What if I leave three hours before my flight? Is that ample time?

SASHEER: Yeah. It should be.

NICOLE: What if there’s a horrific crash and I’m in traffic for two hours and 45 minutes. And I get to the airport, and I only have 15 minutes to get to my flight. Should I just wait on that line because I left three hours early? I just have to take it?

SASHEER: No, you should not.

NICOLE: People were flying out of the car in front of me. Traffic is at a dead stop. A helicopter has to scoot people out. Nobody’s moving. The whole highway is done.

SASHEER: In that case, no, you absolutely shouldn’t wait. And honestly, I’m not even saying you have to wait whenever you leave your house. But if you expect that kind of kindness from other people when you are running late, don’t you think it’d be nice to pay it forward sometimes when someone wants to sit next to their spouse?

NICOLE: You go home to your spouse. You’re gonna rub your love in my face? No.

SASHEER: I see. I don’t even know why I thought you would be empathetic.

NICOLE: You have a child? Your choice. You have a friend where you didn’t arrange it? I guess you’re not that good of friends.

SASHEER: This is true. You and I… I don’t think we’ve asked people to move seats for us. We just sit on the opposite side of planes and talk to each other or text each other.

NICOLE: Yeah. And then tell the flight attendants to deliver messages. I can’t remember where we were going, but the flight attendant was like, “Your sister… She gave you this.” It was, like, a kind bar. And I was like, “My sister?” And then she pointed at you, and you were just waving. I was like, “That is my sister.”

SASHEER: “Can you give my sister this granola bar?”

NICOLE: And then you were sleeping for food, and I was like, “Can you please wake up my sister? She’s going to be so mad that she missed her food.”

SASHEER: And I was happy when she woke me up.

NICOLE: And I watched her just, like, tap you. And you were like, “Meh…” But it’s just a funny way that I said it. “Can you please wake my sister up? She’s going to be so upset if she misses her food.” It’s like, “What? What? What’s wrong with your sister?”

SASHEER: “She needs her food.”

NICOLE: “She loves food so much.”

SASHEER: Should we answer questions?

NICOLE: I think so.

SASHEER: Yeah!

NICOLE: I wonder what kind of questions we’re going to have today. It’s close to Christmas. I hope they’re not spooky. I hope they’re jolly. I called a woman at one of my shows “jolly.” And I immediately was like, “I’m so sorry,” because she was kind of chubby. We were talking about, like, being fat. And I asked her what kind of fat she was and… Come to my shows; you’ll understand what that means. But I was like, “What kind of fat are you?” And she told me. And I was like, “Oh, my God, you’re so jolly.” And then I was like, “I take that back.” That’s, like, a slur. You can’t call a fat person “jolly.” That’s so rude. I was called “jolly” once, and it rocked me.

SASHEER: Yeah, it just feels like even if it’s not related to weight, it feels condescending or something. Like, “Oh, so jolly.” Ew. I’m an adult.

NICOLE: It’s a good insult, though. “You fucking jolly ass bitch. What are you smiling about?”

SASHEER: That is very funny. Okay, let’s listen to this voicemail.

FELIPE: Hello, my beautiful queen. This is Felipe. So, I have a friendship query. I removed myself from a pretty draining friendship circle a couple of months ago. And while I have reached the last of these friends and I am mostly on the other side of the hill, one stipulation that I didn’t recognize at the time was that they would be coworkers, right? So, they are still coworkers. And now I’m hearing a lot about work and gossip and hearing some very disparaging things said about me, including that I fake my mental health for attention, which is very hurtful because–Lord–if I did not have to deal with mental health struggles, I would be much happier. There is no way, shape, or how that I could mistake the feelings that I was struggling with. So, how would you recommend navigating to this? It’s very hard. I want to defend myself. And I want to defend myself toward coworkers that I do get along with that I stay in touch with that I am not avoiding because they hurt me. So how should I go about navigating them? Appreciate your podcast. Thank you for the LOLs. Also, keep watching Survivor. It’s a banger of a show. This season is phenomenal. Highly recommend. Would love to get Nicole and Sasheer on the Survivor bandwagon. Anyways, I hope you all have a lovely day. Thank you all for your entertainment and for your beautiful friendship that I one day hope to have in my life. Have a blessed day.

NICOLE: So, they were friends with coworkers, removed themselves from that friendship group, and now those people talk about them?

SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, I guess it depends what your goal is because people talk trash no matter what. It sucks that you still work with them and it can get back to you. But–I don’t know–they’re not your friends anymore. So, they don’t have to be nice. And you also, you don’t have to engage. You don’t have to actually talk to them. I don’t know. I guess my advice would be you don’t have to do anything. The people who know you and like you hopefully don’t lean into those negative things that those people are saying and just, like, take you at face value for who you are. Haters gonna hate.

NICOLE: Yeah. Haters gonna hate. Ballers gonna ball. I agree with Sasheer because, like, what would the goal…? I mean, I guess the goal would be like, “They stop talking about me.” But I feel like if you pull them aside to be like, “Can you stop talking about me?” that’s, like, more fuel for them to talk shit about you. I think being unbothered is… I’m so jealous of people who are unbothered, whether they actually are or they’re just acting like they’re unbothered about shit. But I think that might be the route to go because then they’re just like, “Oh, well, I guess we could talk about this person all we want, but it doesn’t bother them.” So, it’s going to get boring because I think people only talk about people where they know we can get back to them is so, like, they can get a rise out of that person.

SASHEER: Totally. Yeah. It seems like you left that group because they were toxic. And they’re still exhibiting toxic behavior. So, I think keep doing what you’re doing and, like, keep removing yourself from it. You don’t have to engage. You have to listen to it. You know what they’re saying is not true. And that’s really all you need.

NICOLE: Yeah, you’re better than that. Like, you don’t have to stoop to their level. Like, why blast energy at that when you can blast energy to your heart? 2024 is going to be your year. Okay?

SASHEER: Yes, exactly. Solved!

NICOLE: Checkmark!

SASHEER: Checkmart or checkmark?

NICOLE: I think I said “mark,” but it might have been “mart.” Oh, boy. “Keeping Friends Abroad. Hello. In September, I moved from the Midwest to Korea for graduate school. Since moving here, I’ve met so many great people and have made lots of friends. One friend in particular is from Europe and is doing a semester abroad here.” I’m reading this so strangely. “So, they will only be here until the end of the semester. We really clicked and we’re having a lot of fun together, but I can’t stop thinking about the fact that they are going to leave in a few months, and it’s very unlikely that I’ll ever see them again. It kind of sucks because they are the people I feel closest to here. So, it is a bit weird to think of them leaving, whereas I will be here in Japan for the next two years.”

SASHEER: “One thing that is unique about this friendship is that we bonded very quickly, oversharing deeply personal things about our lives and feelings. For me, this is not something I really do, and I am generally much more private about my feelings. I think this is something that I struggle with in particular when I think about them leaving because I feel like the more I share with them, the closer I get, and the more I’m setting myself up for sadness when they go.”

NICOLE: “We have talked about keeping in touch when they leave and have both expressed how we feel about everything, which is great. But I still feel quite sad about the situation. I’ve never met someone where I’ve known so definitely that our time together would be short and limited, so I don’t really know how to navigate it. I know that we will try to keep in touch after they leave, but it will never again be how it is now, which is a real bummer. I would love to know what your thoughts are, advice for what I should do, or any experiences anyone has had like this.”

SASHEER: “I also just want to mention how much I have enjoyed your podcasts over the years, but especially recently as I’ve been living abroad. It’s little familiar things like this that have made the transition a bit smoother.”

NICOLE: I didn’t realize how weird I was reading it until you started reading it, and I was like, “Oh, this is weirder than I even thought.” Then I was like, “I don’t know how to get out of this.”

SASHEER: It sounded like AI was reading it. That’s sweet, and glad our show is helping you abroad. I mean, I feel like you do this with people. You definitely did it with me where you say it out loud that you want to be friends. Like, “I would like to be your friend. Can we keep talking? These are my intentions.” So, I feel like this writer can use that same energy of, like, “I really am going to miss you when you go back home. And I feel like we have a great rapport going or, like, I really trust you. I feel like we were, like, driving really well. Can we keep talking? I would love to, like, keep this friendship going.” And then, you know, they’ll answer how they answer? But I feel like there’s a better chance of the friendship not continuing if you don’t say anything.

NICOLE: Yeah, I think you’re absolutely right. And I do think you need to prepare–be prepared–that your friendship will morph into a different friendship. Like, you might not be as close as you were while you were, like, in person. But that doesn’t mean you can’t, like, keep in contact, send memes, text, make phone dates, or, like, even set up visits to see each other once or twice a year or something like that. I think it’s fun to have, like, friends overseas. Like, I have a friend of a friend who lives in England. So, like, anytime that group of friends does a big vacation, I get to see her. And we keep in touch via Instagram and stuff like that. So, it’s fun to know that she’s in my life. And if I ever go to England, I can definitely hit her up. And she’s definitely gonna, like, you know, be hospitable or whatever. I think–yeah–you just have to say it though. You have to be like, “I would love to keep in touch with you guys.”

SASHEER: And maybe plan a trip so that you know you already have a future date of when you’ll see this person again after the semester is over and you have something to look forward to and that will also give you a reason to keep talking to each other because you’re planning the trip, which could be to visit them in Europe. Or it could just be to meet somewhere else to go to some other place that you both really want to go to. It seems like you both love traveling and being in places that you are not familiar with, so you may as well keep bonding over that kind of stuff.

NICOLE: Yeah, I think that’s really smart to have something to, like, look forward to because if it’s like, “Let’s just keep in touch. Let’s hang out,” it’s like, “Okay.” But if it’s like, “On January 6th, we’re flying to Washington DC. We’re gonna hang out.”

SASHEER: Oh no!

NICOLE: “We might go to a parade or something. We might go wall climbing or whatever. We’re going to make maybe some signs, wear some fun colors, paint our faces, get mega horns or whatever, and, like, have a really nice time.” I think that’s a really good plan to have.

SASHEER: “We’re just going to meet some like-minded people and have a good time.” Oh, my God. Yeah, I like that. Solved!

NICOLE: Checkmate! Ooh. If you want a question answered, you can email nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com, or you can text or leave a voice memo at (424) 645-7003.

SASHEER: Well, we also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends. You can buy it or whatever.

NICOLE: Well, we have transcripts of our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com or whatever.

SASHEER: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. I know it’s easy to forget, but please don’t. It’s the easiest way to support this show.

NICOLE: Hey, Sasheer. I gotta see you later.

SASHEER: I gotta see you later. Bye, dude.

NICOLE: Bye, dude.