EP. 244 — Nicole’s Love Story: “Panties to My Heart: Under Where?”

JORDAN: Start just like that. Laughing.

 

NICOLE: Okay. Okay. I was in Glendale. Wait, hi, Sasheer.

 

SASHEER: Hi, Nicole.

 

NICOLE: Okay, so I was in Glendale. Judith and Jordan, I called Sasheer at 11:00 p.m. to tell her about this yesterday because it made me laugh so hard. Okay, so there’s thIS drugstore, and it’s RaMa Drugs. So I saw it. Yeah. Do you get it, Jordan? Judith?

 

SASHEER: Yeah, let them say what they think they should get. Okay.

 

JUDITH: Rama?

 

JORDAN: Rama Drugs?

 

NICOLE: I thought it was, “Where are mah drugs?” Like, “Where are my drugs?” It’s, like, a cool way to say it. “Are mah drugs?”

 

JORDAN: There’s no “W.”

 

NICOLE: Yeah, because it’s a cool way of saying it. Okay. So, last night, I sent this to Sasheer. I was like, “Pretend you are Shaft.” And that didn’t work. And then I said, “Be Pam Grier.” But now I get it. You got to be DMX. “Rah mah drugs?” I was telling Sasheer about this last night, and she goes, “Are you on drugs?” I was like, “I’m fully sober.” And I’m sober right now.

 

SASHEER: She was also explaining it to me, and I was like, “I just don’t think that’s what they are going for, and I don’t know if other people see that, too.” It really is “RaMa Drugs.” I don’t know where the “where” is coming from. And then at one point Nicole goes, “Well, they can’t, like, make it too obvious. They can’t be like, ‘RaMy Drugs.’ They’re going to think you’re thinking about your drugs.” And I was like, “You think the problem I have with this correlation is the ‘my’ and not the fact that ‘ra’ is no way even remotely close to ‘where’?

 

NICOLE: Yeah, but it’s the cool way.

 

JORDAN: You know how, a few episodes ago, you were like, “I want to have a chain of Burger Kings?” I think you should have a chain of drugstores now called “Where Are My Drugs?”

 

NICOLE: They’re going to be like, “She’s copying us.”

 

SASHEER: I don’t think so. I really don’t think so. Judith, you have the page up for Rama Drugs. Can you see if it explains, in their About section, the name?

 

NICOLE: Oh my God, that never occurred to me. I hope there is.

 

JORDAN: Well, it looks like the “Ra” and the “Ma” are from the periodic table.

 

NICOLE: But it doesn’t make sense. Like, it’s, like, radon and then like something else. Yeah, they’re just trying to–

 

SASHEER: They don’t explain the name.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. Established until 2020. You know, things were dark, and they said, “Let’s have fun.”

 

SASHEER: Life’s too short not to make jokes on your side.

 

NICOLE: I also passed it and then was, like, screaming with laughter. And then I had to circle back to get my Instagram video and for me to just see it again. And I pulled into the parking lot across the street. And then I realized I couldn’t get a good picture because a tree was covering it. And there was a man staring at me, and I was like, “Oh, he probably thinks that I’m trying to get a good picture, looking for the sign.” And then I was like, “Oh no, he actually thinks I’m lost because I don’t think anyone cares about the sign.” Anyway, it doesn’t make sense with the periodic table. It’s not, like, a common drug. It’s a pun. And they did it to have fun.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, Ra is radium, and then we can’t find Ma.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. Ma seems to not be a part of the periodic table anymore.

 

SASHEER: Oh, it’s Madelungium? This might be a fanmade site.

 

NICOLE: L.O.L. Imagine being such a fan of the periodic table that you make your own. You just love the periodic table. “Boy, I love those squares and a couple letters and a long name.” That’s funny. I, like, chuckled before bed. I’ve had a great time with this.

 

SASHEER: I mean, we had a great laugh last night, but I think I was just laughing at your retelling of this and, like, trying to really convince me that this was a pun of some sort.

 

NICOLE: Convince you? You’re not convinced? Oh, my God! I thought you were on my side.

 

SASHEER: Oh…

 

NICOLE: Wow, I can’t believe it. After all our practice? You even said it correctly.

 

SASHEER: “We trained!” I mean, I guess I can see your view of it, but it doesn’t mean that I am convinced that that is what the name is supposed to be saying or that’s how it’s supposed to be read.

 

NICOLE: Okay, here’s the thing. I would really like to know so I can, like, prove you wrong and stick it to you, bu… But I don’t want to, like, go into RaMa Drugs and ask them about the name and then have them be like, “Oh, it’s just our last name.” I would be crushed. I would be so sad.

 

SASHEER: I don’t want you to know either. I don’t think we need to investigate any further.

 

NICOLE: Okay, good. Yeah, I… Oh, boy. I can’t wait to see it again. It brought me so much joy to the point where I was like, “Am I okay? Do I need to, like, seek more joy or something?” Oh, boy.

 

SASHEER: Oh, boy. I mean, you said you saw someone on the street where they were having a laughing fit, like, in front of you. And I think that you caught the laughing fit. It was infectious. You just were laughing all day.

 

NICOLE: Maybe! I was walking Clyde, and there was a nice person who may or may not have a house. I don’t know, but he was wearing lime green zebra pants. And I was like, “Oohwee, baby. That’s right up my fucking alley.” So I was like, “I love your pants.” And he’s like, “I got two pairs.” I was like, “Okay. I like them.” He’s like, “Yeah. Yeah.” And then, he was carrying a box, a backpack, and a bag. And then I was like, “Oh, should I help him?” And then I’m like, “Actually, I don’t know where his next location is. And he didn’t say thank you. So I don’t know if he’s, like, in the frame of mind to make a coherent sentence,” which is, you know, fine. Live how you want. And then he dropped something out of his bag, and it was underwear. And I was like, “Oh no! You dropped something.” And he was like, “You can have it.” And I was like, “Oh, I don’t need underwear.” Then he was like, “You don’t need underwear.” And he just really started laughing. And then I started laughing. And then we had a really great time in that alley. I really liked him, and I was like, “Oh, I don’t know if he’s spoken to anyone in a while.” So I hope that was nice for him because it was really nice for me.

 

SASHEER: I’m sure it was! He’s probably telling people right now, “I talked to this lady who didn’t need underwear! Can you believe it?”

 

NICOLE: It was really funny, though, because they were, like, big. They were big, big, black panties. And they fell out. And then he was just like, “You can have them.” And I was like, “Oh, that’s…” You know, your brain works fast. But I was like, “Oh, that’s really funny because, like, those probably would be my size, but I don’t need them. Like, he’s being really kind.” Then I was like, “Oh, maybe…” Okay, I’m really piecing this together right now, but I’m like, “Maybe he was like, ‘Oh, she’s fat. Maybe she doesn’t have underwear.’”

 

SASHEER: What? Or maybe he was, like, some kind of underwear fairy who just, like, pops up in front of people and just happens to have their size and just drops it on the ground and is like, “If you want it, you can have it. Don’t be embarrassed.”

 

NICOLE: That was going to lead me to true love, and I didn’t do it.

 

SASHEER: Can you walk me through how this would lead you to true love because that was quite a leap?

 

NICOLE: I once called you, and I was like, “I think I like you so much because you accept me for me.” That was a really kind way of being like, “What the fuck are you talking about?” It was so compassionate. Sometimes I’m like, “Am I a mental patient? Is this an experiment where they’ve let me out?”

 

SASHEER: No, because your brain works really fast. And I’m like, “Okay. So she herself has gotten to a place from the underwear fairy to true love.” I have missed all those steps. So I would like you to help walk me through your process.

 

NICOLE: So had I taken the underwear and put them on, it would have, like, magically done something through my pussy to my heart. And then, like, I start to radiate something. And then it would make me more attractive to people, thus bringing me my true love. And then, like, the first time we have sex, they’d be like, “Oh, my God. This underwear.” I’d be like, “I got them from the street.”

 

SASHEER: Ew!

 

NICOLE: And then my true love would go, “That’s you, babe.”

 

SASHEER: Do you think you have to keep your underwear on the whole time for it to work?

 

NICOLE: Yeah, I think, in this scenario, I certainly do.

 

JORDAN: This is a horrible Hallmark movie. It would be named, like, The Panties to My Heart.

 

JUDITH: But I see the franchise, though. I’m in.

 

SASHEER: Or maybe, like, Under Where? Question mark.

 

NICOLE: Wait, should I pitch this somewhere? Where do I take it? Do you think Hulu would be interested?

 

SASHEER: Maybe Tubi.

 

NICOLE: Oh, my God. Maybe I get to star and direct my first movie. It’ll be for Tubi, and it’ll be called Under Where? Wait, what did you say, Jordan?

 

JORDAN: Panties to My Heart.

 

NICOLE: Yes. Under Where?: The Panties to My Heart – Part One.

 

SASHEER: Oh, there’s multiple parts.

 

NICOLE: Well, yeah. You gotta give ’em everything they want.

 

SASHEER: Everything they want. It’s this kind of wild storyline that reminds me of that bread video.

 

NICOLE: I love the bread. “It’s the bread! It’s the bread!” “It’s my turn. It’s my turn.” If you haven’t seen the bread… Have we talked about the bread video?

 

SASHEER: I do think we’ve talked about it, but I think it’s been a long time.

 

NICOLE: If you haven’t seen it, I don’t know what you’re doing. Just YouTube “the bread.” It should have more views. It should have millions of views. It’s perfect. It’s perfect acting. It’s a perfect storyline. I don’t think we could watch it, though, because it’s a five minute video. But these women–some of them are actresses who have been in things.

 

SASHEER: Oh, I never looked them up.

 

BREAD SELLER: Bread. Fresh bread.

 

CUSTOMER: Is this bread fresh? Because I don’t want no salmonella.

 

BREAD SELLER: You think I’m a liar? I’ve been selling this bread my whole life.

 

CUSTOMER: I’m not calling you a liar. I just don’t usually buy bread off the streets. I eat the best food.

 

BREAD SELLER: Well, you’ve never had any bread like this.

 

CUSTOMER: What’s so special about your bread?

 

BREAD SELLER: Whenever you eat it, whatever you think about, you’ll get it.

 

CUSTOMER: Look, I don’t need no magic bread. Just give me the bread. How much does it cost?

 

BREAD SELLER: $10.

 

CUSTOMER: $10? For a loaf of bread?

 

BREAD SELLER: You’re actually getting a very, very, very good deal.

 

CUSTOMER: Just give me the bread.

 

NICOLE: And here’s how I know racism is alive. If it was four white women who made that, it would be viral.

 

SASHEER: I mean, straight to Hollywood.

 

NICOLE: They would have gotten a movie deal. It’s so funny. “It’s the bread. It’s the bread.”

 

SASHEER: It’s a cautionary tale! Don’t be selfish, and listen to the rules.

 

NICOLE: Yes. Listen to an old white lady selling you bread on the street. And oh, my God, I should have listened to that nice man wearing green zebra pants and put on those panties.

 

SASHEER: He was probably an underwear witch. You were going to get your greatest wish if you just put the underwear on.

 

NICOLE: This is devastating that I missed out on this. I’m devastated. My goodness.

 

SASHEER: I’m so sorry.

 

NICOLE: It’s okay.

 

SASHEER: “It’s the bread!”

 

NICOLE: “It’s the panties! It’s the panties!

 

SASHEER: “You can’t wear the panties the next day!”

 

NICOLE: Oh, my gosh. That really got me. That was nice. I haven’t seen that video in so long, and I’m glad we watched it in its entirety because it’s hard to describe.

 

SASHEER: It’s very hard to describe, and I do like it every time I see it.

 

NICOLE: It’s so funny. I was up until very late last night, just lost on Instagram. I had taken a little sleeping pill because I’ve been having trouble sleeping. And, for whatever reason, the rain hits a certain place outside and it’s loud and it’s, like, amplified. And I couldn’t concentrate, and I just got lost in a hole of, like, very… You know those cringeworthy, like, accounts where they just post a bunch of weirdos? I got lost, just scrolling through that. And I was like, “Wait, why is this cringey? They’re just having a really nice time. They’re just having fun.”

 

SASHEER: What kind of fun?

 

NICOLE: Well, a lot of people dancing pretty poorly. There was one group that was on there a lot, and I think they’re a wolfpack. And their name or their names are Alpha, Beta, Hunter and, like, Q or something. But then I got confused because then two of them were, like, really huggy huggy. And then she kept calling him her “broski.” So then I was like, “Wait, is this cringe because she’s dating her brother?” And then I was in the comments, but everyone seems to know who they are. And they’re just commenting, “Oh, I didn’t know that they added somebody new.” I was like, “Wait, what is this? How is this a saga of aggregated content but it’s not all in a row but people all know?” And then I was like, “Maybe it’s just a bunch of people staying up late, getting lost in this, like, cringe hole.”

 

SASHEER: Maybe. I have, like, a weird algorithm on my Twitter right now where it just keeps showing me videos of, like, bad accidents.

 

NICOLE: Oh no!

 

SASHEER: And I think most of the people are okay, but they’ll be like, “Unbelievable! This plane crashed into a farm! But everyone’s okay!” Or like, “Look at this crazy, like, four-car pileup on this highway, and then a boulder from a mountain smashes one of the cars. But everyone’s okay!”

 

NICOLE: “But everyone’s okay. Nobody died.” Did you see Elmo on Twitter? It was like, “How is everyone?” And everyone was like, “Not good, Elmo!”

 

SASHEER: That was very funny. Elmo opened up a can of worms.

 

NICOLE: He really did. And then all of the Sesame Street characters were tweeting. They were like, “Yeah, check up on your friends.” And someone was like, “This is like the Avengers of mental health.” These puppets are, like, worried about these human adults being like, “God, Elmo…” Someone wrote, “Every morning, I wake up hoping I can go back to sleep. Every Monday, I hope it’s Friday. And this is every single day.” I was like, “Damn, that’s dark.” Elmo tweets, checking on his friends, and sees a flood of distress in response.

 

SASHEER: Life is hard.

 

NICOLE: Oh, boy. I mean, life is hard. And there’s truly very few mental health services that are accessible. It’s wild. People are drowning with, like, debt and stuff–not literally.

 

SASHEER: Do you think that they knew this would happen?

 

NICOLE: I don’t think so. I don’t think the social team at Sesame Street was like, “Wow, people aren’t okay.”

 

SASHEER: Yeah. But I guess maybe that’s, like, nice because they’re also just like, “Well, we’re glad we asked. And this is a good example of how you need to check in on your friends.” And maybe they’ll do more stuff about mental health or something on the show or, like, in their publicity stuff.

 

NICOLE: That would be good because, you know, kids still see Sesame Street. And I think it would be good to instill in kids, like, “Oh, if you’re not doing okay, you should reach out to people. And also you should check in on people.” I always love it when a friend is like, “Hey. How are you?” And even if I don’t want to, like, get into it, it’s nice to know that they asked.

 

SASHEER: Yeah.

 

NICOLE: I’ve never once been like, “Get out of my business. Let me be sad alone!”

 

SASHEER: “Oh, let me be sad alone!”

 

NICOLE: “Let me go to my bed and cry alone!” Maybe I’ll do that. But the text is nice, or a call is nice.

 

SASHEER: Yeah. I agree.

 

NICOLE: And also it’s raining here in LA. I say check on your friends. Some of us don’t do well in this weather. I simply don’t. I need the sun. I do not get it!

 

SASHEER: Yeah.

 

NICOLE: No, it’s not nice waking up to rain. Why do I have to get up? What’s the point?

 

SASHEER: What’s the point?

 

NICOLE: Oh. Now, Elmo’s going to go check on me. Who’s your favorite Muppet? Not Muppet–I’m sorry–who’s your favorite Sesame Street character growing up?

 

SASHEER: Hmm. Snuffleupagus.

 

NICOLE: I did love Snuffleupagus. But I loved Cookie Monster.

 

SASHEER: Oh, yeah.

 

NICOLE: Cookie Monster was so funny to me because I was like, “He is simply not getting nutrients. He isn’t consuming. He’s just eating for the sake of eating.” And I really identified with that.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, it’s funny how the cookies just fall right out of his mouth.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. He’s wasting. And maybe that’s why they call him a “monster”–because no other children can have cookies because he’s eating them all and wasting them.

 

SASHEER: That’s funny. You know he’s eating vegetables now?

 

NICOLE: What the fuck?

 

SASHEER: I don’t know if he’s given up on cookies, but I think he’s added vegetables to his diet.

 

NICOLE: Nobody asked for that. What? That’s his whole fucking thing. He’s not the Vegetable Monster. I– What? I’m beyond upset. I don’t like that.

 

SASHEER: Not my Cookie Monster!

 

NICOLE: Truly. What? Some fucking crunchy mom was like, “That’s not healthy for my kids to see a monster eat cookies”? He’s a monster! Monsters eat cookies; children eat vegetables. That’s all you have to say to your kid.

 

SASHEER: That’s really funny. “You’re not a monster. You’re a child.”

 

NICOLE: I’m really upset about this. I love Cookie Monster. Wait, who are the rest of them? Big Bird. Ooh, I did like Oscar the Grouch. I loved that he lived in a trash can. I said, “That is it.” That’s funny.

 

SASHEER: That is very funny. I do like Oscar. Elmo…

 

NICOLE: Zoe…

 

SASHEER: Bert and Ernie…

 

NICOLE: Oh, yeah! I love Bert and Ernie. Oh, yeah. Grover. Oh, yes. Count von Count. Wait, Kermit? Kermit is not a Sesame Street character.

 

SASHEER: Maybe he stopped by?

 

NICOLE: Oh, “Mr. Snuffleupagus.” I didn’t realize that he was fancy. Wow.

 

SASHEER: So proper. Baby Bear. Prairie Dawn? Hoots the Owl?

 

NICOLE: Oh, yeah. Two-Headed Monster. I remember Two-Headed Monster. Irvine? Baby Natasha?

 

SASHEER: Gonger?

 

NICOLE: Stinky?

 

SASHEER: Grundgetta? Irvine?

 

NICOLE: Virginia Virginia? Who are these people? Who’s Gonnigan? Gonnigan looks wild. Mr. Noodle? I don’t know him at all. Wait, who’s Abby Cadabby?

 

SASHEER: Looks like a little fairy.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. I’m not into her, I don’t think.

 

SASHEER: She looks a little bit wild.

 

NICOLE: Yeah, she looks a little too wild. She looks like a kid who would bite you. You know what I mean? Isn’t there a homeless puppet?

 

SASHEER: Oscar.

 

NICOLE: No, Oscar has a home. The trash can is his home. I feel they made, like… Yeah. Lily. She’s the first homeless puppet. Poor Lily?

 

SASHEER: “Seven years old?”

 

NICOLE: God, that’s so sad. Oh.

 

SASHEER: “Lily’s a seven-year-old girl whose family comes to stay with friends when they lose their apartment. She tells fellow Muppet Elmo about her situation while the pair paint a rainbow mural, saying sadly, ‘I’m not sure I want to paint anymore.’”

 

NICOLE: “They’re using the color purple, the same shade as her old bedroom.” And she has to leave her room behind. “‘We don’t have our own apartment anymore. We’ve been staying in all different kinds of places.’” Wow. That’s sad.

 

JUDITH: That was in 2018.

 

NICOLE: Oh, I like that, further down, they’re defending Oscar the Grouch because he chooses to live in a trash can.

 

SASHEER: Oh, on social media, some fans joked that the lovable grumpy, bin-dwelling character, Oscar the Grouch–who debuted in 1969–has been homeless since the Vietnam War. However, since he chooses to live in a dust bin and sings a song called I Love Trash, this is likely to be his own choice.

 

NICOLE: I love the clarification. I mean, I love Oscar. Look how dirty he is.

 

SASHEER: He’s so dirty. He loves trash.

 

NICOLE: He loves trash. He loves being angry. Boy, Sesame Street was such a good idea. I’m glad it’s still going.

 

SASHEER: Me too! Yeah!

 

NICOLE: It’s a perfect show. I would like to be on it. Have you been on Sesame Street?

 

SASHEER: No, I would love to.

 

NICOLE: I would like to, too.

 

SASHEER: There is also a Black female puppeteer who joined a few years ago. I don’t know her name, but she also voices and puppets a Black female puppet.

 

NICOLE: Oh, I love that. But I also didn’t know the puppets had a race. Honestly, I thought everybody on Sesame Street was Black.

 

SASHEER: Oh, interesting.

 

NICOLE: Just like Arthur is Black.

 

SASHEER: Megan Piphus Peace.

 

NICOLE: She has a puppet name.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, it does sound like a puppet name. Megan Piphus Peace. “Self-trained ventriloquist.” “Grew up watching the sock puppets on Lamb Chop’s Play-Along.

 

NICOLE: Did you watch Lamb Chop’s Play-Along?

 

SASHEER: I don’t think I did.

 

NICOLE: What? “Lamb Chop’s Play-Along, where kids come to sing along! Oh, there’s, like, a couple theme songs that are just in my brain forever. That’s one of them. I don’t know all the words. And then the other one is Arthur. You didn’t watch Arthur, did you?

 

SASHEER: I didn’t.

 

NICOLE: See, you had cable.

 

SASHEER: Yes. I had other options.

 

NICOLE: I did not have cable, so I grew up watching Arthur, Wishbone, Ghostwriter–all those fun PBS shows that are very wholesome.

 

SASHEER: They’re very fun.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. This is Lamb Chop!

 

SASHEER: I do remember this sock puppet.

 

NICOLE: With that curly-haired lady and that insane looking up.

 

SASHEER: It looks really insane now.

 

NICOLE: It looks dead. Clyde has a Lamb Chop toy.

 

SASHEER: It also looks like they took one of your eyelashes and put it right on the sock.

 

NICOLE: L.O.L. That’s very funny to me. I’m like, “I’ll help you make this puppet. Here. Stick this on there.”

 

SASHEER: “Here you go. I picked up a sock, and here’s my eyelash.”

 

NICOLE: I guess The Wiggles are, like, the modern day adults who talk to children. But I don’t like those Wiggles.

 

SASHEER: I don’t know anything about The Wiggles.

 

NICOLE: They’re, like, people who dress in primary colors and, I think, sing to your children. I think that’s all they are. Sasheer, Happy Black History Month. I know it’s deep in it, but we’re recording on the first day of it. I just want to say Happy Black History Month, my Black friend.

 

SASHEER: Happy Black History Month, my Black friend.

 

NICOLE: Judith, Happy Black History Month, my Black friend.

 

JUDITH: Happy Black History Month, my Black friend.

 

NICOLE: Happy Black History Month, Jordan–an ally.

 

JORDAN: Happy Black History Month to all of you beautiful women.

 

NICOLE: Jordan, I think you need to say, “Happy Black History Month, you beautiful blackies.” I’m just kidding. Don’t say that.

 

SASHEER: Don’t set Jordan up like that! Don’t do that to Jordan.

 

NICOLE: I know. I know. But it would make me laugh and probably a lot of people. But it would be like, “Tee-hee-hee. Right on to me.” Now, do you want to do a quiz based on the theme of today, which is Valentine’s Day or Galentine’s Day, depending on how you celebrate?

 

SASHEER: Yes. I’m down for either.

 

NICOLE: Okay. “We Know the State of Your Love Life and What’s to Come for the Next Year Based on Your Galentine’s Day.” “The First Letter of Your True Love’s Name, Pick Some Hits from the 2010s.” Okay. I would like to know what’s going to come for the next year.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, let’s do that.

 

NICOLE: Oh my God.

 

SASHEER: What?

 

NICOLE: I’m just excited to figure out what’s coming for the next year via BuzzFeed. You thought something was wrong?

 

SASHEER: Yeah, because you were, like, kind of grabbing your head.

 

NICOLE: Okay. Something’s been happening lately where I don’t realize what I’m doing, and I’m just doing things. I was driving home once, and I didn’t turn on the street I need to turn on to go home. And then all of a sudden, when I realized where I was, I was like, “I’m on the other side of my house.” I took the long way home because I just, like, zoned out. But I was looking at the road. It was like I magically was where I was and then where I wasn’t supposed to be. It was crazy.

 

SASHEER: Yeah. Maybe we should do some grounding exercises when I come over.

 

NICOLE: What? You think I need to ground myself?

 

SASHEER: Yeah. You’re probably up in space.

 

NICOLE: That’s a good assessment. I would be interested to know what a grounding exercise is. Is it just standing?

 

SASHEER: I think there’s different ones, but we can look them up–see what you like.

 

NICOLE: Okay. Okay, I have candles that I need to light, but I don’t… Oh, I guess “grounded” is a good word for it. I don’t feel grounded enough to, like, manifest what I’m wanting. So I keep putting it off. So maybe I need to ground myself a little bit in life before I can light my candles. Okay. “We Know The State Of Your Love Life And What’s To Come For The Next Year Based On Your Galentine’s Day.” Can we hold up? Sorry. Is that a picture of Bad Bunny? Did he make this quiz?

 

SASHEER: That is a picture of Bad Bunny, but the name next to it is Samanta.

 

NICOLE: Oh. All right, Samanta. Sorry, I just got distracted. I was like, “Does Bad Bunny know what’s coming?”

 

SASHEER: Yeah. “How many friends are attending?”

 

NICOLE: “2-3.”

 

SASHEER: “4-8.”

 

NICOLE: “9-12.”

 

SASHEER: “It’s just me, LOL.”

 

NICOLE: I mean, I don’t have Valentine’s Day or Galentine’s Day plans, so I think it’s going to be just me, LOL.

 

SASHEER: I would say… Well, this is we’re planning a Galentine’s Day, right?

 

NICOLE: I’m not doing that.

 

SASHEER: Whoa. Oh, okay. Why?

 

NICOLE: Oh, I was doing, like, real life, and I thought that was a choice everyone had made.

 

SASHEER: We can just pretend to make a Galentine’s Day–a theoretical Galentine’s Day.

 

NICOLE: This is funny. I was doing this for real–and I don’t know why–because I do all of these quizzes like it’s for real.

 

SASHEER: All right.

 

NICOLE: You don’t? You’re making up scenarios in your head?

 

SASHEER: Sometimes they’re like, “Make an Italian meal for breakfast.”

 

NICOLE: And then I’m really trying to make an Italian meal that I would eat for breakfast. This is really interesting. We really do attack life wildly different.

 

SASHEER: I mean, I guess I do think about, like, “How would I answer this? How would I do it?” But I’m not actually… I guess–yes–if I was really planning a Galentine’s Day, I would have two to three people there. Or four to eight. But I’m not judging this on the realistic Galentine’s Day we could potentially be having.

 

NICOLE: I am doing this wrong. Okay. Now that I understand the rules of BuzzFeed quizzes, two years in… This feels like when I asked, “Who has the phone?” and everyone just paused and they were like, “What are you talking about?” Okay, so… I still can’t believe there isn’t a phone. Okay, so I’m going to say four to eight.

 

SASHEER: Okay. I’m also going to say four to eight.

 

NICOLE: Oh, God. Am I dumb? “Are you hosting?”

 

SASHEER: “Yes, of course.”

 

NICOLE: “No, it’s at my friend’s house.”

 

SASHEER: “Choose the color scheme for the part–” What? Oh, those are the only options. I see. Okay.

 

NICOLE: In this theoretical Galentine’s Day that’s not real and doesn’t have to happen… “Yes, of course I’m hosting.”

 

SASHEER: I’m going to say, “No, it’s at my friend’s house.” Love going to someone else’s house and leaving.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. “Choose the color scheme for the party.”

 

SASHEER: This is, like, a lilac scheme. It starts with, like, a really pale purple and goes to a mauve.

 

NICOLE: And this is different. It’s pink, and it starts with a dark pink and fades to a light pink.

 

SASHEER: This is red. It starts with a basic red and then goes to, like, a burgundy color.

 

NICOLE: This is, like, a millennial pink situation, where it’s light pink, a darker pink, and then, like, fades to taupe or gray. It’s nasty.

 

SASHEER: This is kind of, like, a sherbety pink. Where it goes to a pinky pink– I don’t know how to describe it.

 

NICOLE: It’s okay. This one is also pink, but mauves and plums. I’m definitely picking purple. It’s at my house. I love purple.

 

SASHEER: You love purple. I think I’m going to pick… I think I like that first lilacy situation.

 

NICOLE: That’s what I like. I have a quick question. I was trying to describe to someone what my interior design aesthetic is. And if someone, like, 20, 30, 40 years from now came into my spot and then was like, “Oh, she made choices,” what do you think they would label my design choices as?

 

SASHEER: Definitely maximalist. And… I don’t really know terms for design, but “fun,” “young,” “bright,” “patterned,” “textured”…

 

NICOLE: Yeah. I was like, “Oh, I wonder if all the choices I’ve made will be, like, dated.” And then my friend–we were watching this show called Restored–and she was like, “For your house to be dated it would have to be something that people were doing at the time. Your house is so fucking weird, and no one else is doing what you’re doing, so there’s no way it can ever be dated.” And I was like, “Oh my God!” So it’s just, like, weird forever. Oh, Jordan said “eclectic.”

 

SASHEER: I like that. Yeah, I like that. It’s just unique to itself.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. And I was like, “Oh my God, that’s so fun. I have a timeless house–a timeless, weird house.” Okay.

 

SASHEER: “Choose some decor.”

 

NICOLE: “Balloons.”

 

SASHEER: “Flowers.”

 

NICOLE: “Candles.”

 

SASHEER: “Sparkle backdrop.”

 

NICOLE: “Heart confetti.”

 

SASHEER: “Banners.”

 

NICOLE: Well, I’m going to do a sparkle backdrop. I’ll probably keep it up for too long.

 

SASHEER: I like a banner. That’s fun.

 

NICOLE: Oh, that is fun. So in case anyone forgets where they are, they can look up and go, “Oh, I’m at a Galentine’s Day Party.”

 

SASHEER: Exactly. I like labeling things. “Choose a plate setting.”

 

NICOLE: Okay, this one’s, like, traditional. It’s, like, white and gold.

 

SASHEER: This one is cutesy, and it’s got a pink tablecloth, pink plates, little flowers surrounding the plates, and the glasses.

 

NICOLE: This one is a choice. It’s green, but there is a heart–so you know it’s about love and friendship and stuff–and then a glass of water.

 

SASHEER: This one is very, like, Valentine’s on the nose, where it has, like, a heart table spread, a big heart in the middle, roses on everyone’s plates, and crystal glass.

 

NICOLE: I’m going to go with that last one with the heart runner.

 

SASHEER: I’m going to do the green play, even though you described it with such disdain.

 

NICOLE: Well, I’m just like, “Why did you even try?”

 

SASHEER: But it’s, like, minimalist, and I think it’s cute. And I like the green because it’s not… Red just feels like it’s an emphasis on, like, romantic love for some reason. The green just kind of feels like anything.

 

NICOLE: Well, you have to remember, this is all theoretical. So that could be in purple because you chose purple as the theme.

 

SASHEER: Sure.

 

NICOLE: And purple hearts? That’s not love. That’s courage.

 

SASHEER: Is it? Did you make this up?

 

NICOLE: No, I didn’t make it up. They give you Purple Hearts for, like, wars and stuff and being courageous.

 

SASHEER: Yes. Okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

 

NICOLE: I’m not crazy.

 

SASHEER: No, I just didn’t know that the color purple was dedicated to courage.

 

NICOLE: The color purple is dedicated to courage–the movie and the award. “What drinks are you having?”

 

SASHEER: “Pink gin lemonades.”

 

NICOLE: “Grapefruit limeades.”

 

SASHEER: “Pink lemonade.”

 

NICOLE: Wow. What, is big lemonade sponsoring this quiz? “Sangria.”

 

SASHEER: “Butterfly tea.”

 

NICOLE: “Prickly pear martini.” I’m picking that prickly pear martini. It seems like fun.

 

SASHEER: I think I would do the grapefruit limeade. It sounds tasty.

 

NICOLE: Okay.

 

SASHEER: What music are you listening to?

 

NICOLE: “Pop.”

 

SASHEER: “Chill.”

 

NICOLE: “Classical.”

 

SASHEER: “Country.”

 

NICOLE: I feel like you’re going to say chill.

 

SASHEER: I was actually gonna say pop because it’s, like, fun. It’s, like, girl’s day, you know?

 

NICOLE: Yeah. You’re right. I mean, I’m going with pop, too. Imagine you went to someone’s Galentine’s Day, and they’re playing Mozart. I’d be like, “I gotta head on out.”

 

SASHEER: Yeah. Like, what’s this sleepy vibe going on? I would want Cheetah Girls music.

 

NICOLE: Yes! Cheetah Girls! “What starters are you having?”

 

SASHEER: “French fries!”

 

NICOLE: What? At a party? If someone ever put down a plate of french fries for me at a party, I would say, “Get a fucking grip.” They’re not good either. You got them delivered and they’re cold and rubbery or you made them in the oven and they’re dumb and weird or you made them in an air fryer and they’re simply not enough because they don’t have enough room in air fryers. You’re just going back and forth, air frying fries. “Nachos.”

 

SASHEER: “Charcuterie.”

 

NICOLE: “Veggies and hummus.”

 

SASHEER: “Spicy olives.”

 

NICOLE: “Street corn?” These are the weirdest starters.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, I feel like charcuterie is the only acceptable one.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. I’m going to say veggies and hummus. As much as I would love someone to bring me nachos, like, I just can’t fathom eating nachos in my house and not at, like, Guy Fieri’s restaurant.

 

SASHEER: That’s not true! You love nachos. You ask John to make you nachos all the time.

 

NICOLE: And he doesn’t do it, so that’s why I’m having a hard time fathoming it.

 

SASHEER: You’re right. You’re like, “This is not realistic. No one will bring me nachos.”

 

NICOLE: For my birthday, I asked for nachos. And he didn’t make them. Or–no–for Halloween, I asked for nachos, and he didn’t make them. I’m excited for Halloween this year. It’s coming around the corner. Remember last year when I said June was around the corner?

 

SASHEER: Yeah, I was like, “Not at all.”

 

NICOLE: My lease is up. It’s around the corner in June. Got to figure out what kind of car I’m going to get.

 

SASHEER: Not even close.

 

NICOLE: Can I tell you something really quick? Boy, I’m bouncing all over the place. Did I take my medicine? I don’t know. Anyway, I was driving my Mitsubishi 3000GT ’94. And this man on the highway raced me. And I was so excited. I was like, “This man saw a cool fucking car and was like, ‘Let’s see if it can zoom zoom.’” So I threw her in power mode, and I fucking flew. It was so fun. It was exhilarating. And I won for a little bit. But then I was like, “Oh, we’re getting kind of close to cars, so…” And mine is a ’94, and this is a new Lexus. And I was like, “Their brakes are better than mine, and I just know it. And they’re factory tires. And they’re older.” But I was like, “Okay, I’ll just let you win.” But I did win for most of it. But then I remember what Vin Diesel said. He says, “It doesn’t matter what happens during the race. It just matters who wins.” And I was like, “Fuck, I didn’t win. But, like, I did win for a little bit.” And then I was like, “I’m not in Fast & Furious.” I don’t know why that came up. I needed to tell you that.

 

SASHEER: I’m glad you did. How do you know when the race is starting? Like, did you guys make eye contact?

 

NICOLE: No, he was behind me and then got close to me and then on the side of me and then shot off. And I was like, “Oh, we’re definitely in a race.” So then I sped up and then inched forward ahead of him. And then he inched forward and then I inched forward and then we got too close to the cars. And then he, like, flew away and then swerved a little and then, like, was on his way because when you go too fast, sometimes you lose control. And then you’re like, “Oh shit, I got to stop racing. This car is nowhere near me anymore.”

 

SASHEER: That’s scary, Nicole.

 

NICOLE: It’s so fucking fun. I used to do to my dad’s car all the time because he had a V8 engine and would go so fucking fast. And this is, like, the mid2000s, and cars just didn’t have as much power as they do now. And they weren’t as heavy and didn’t have as big engines. So, like, I would just floor it on the highway. It’s so fun. I’ll take you for a ride one day.

 

SASHEER: Please don’t. I’ll get mad at you.

 

NICOLE: You’ll get mad? At a race?

 

SASHEER: Yes. It’s dangerous.

 

NICOLE: It was nighttime.

 

SASHEER: That’s worse! Less visual!

 

NICOLE: But there’s less people on the road, so you can fly.

 

SASHEER: I don’t know. Even if there’s less people on the road, you can get in an accident.

 

NICOLE: Hmm. Okay. That makes sense.

 

SASHEER: I mean, like, I’m glad it was a thrill, but it doesn’t make me feel good to hear this.

 

NICOLE: Wow. Okay, so I guess I won’t tell you any more of my Vin Diesel dreams. Okay.

 

SASHEER: Just be safe on the road, please. You can do it on a track.

 

NICOLE: Oh, yeah, I guess I could.

 

SASHEER: Just do it on a track as opposed to on the actual road with your old car with old brakes.

 

NICOLE: I love her so much. She’s so cool. I mean, it was, like, the first time I’ve driven her and someone acknowledged how cool she was.

 

SASHEER: Also, like, I’m not convinced this will happen. This person might just have been going fast. And then you were like, we’re in a race. And they had no idea.

 

NICOLE: Oh, they knew because they got further ahead and slowed down. That’s what always happens when you’re in a race. You’ve just never been in a race?

 

SASHEER: I haven’t.

 

NICOLE: Okay. So if you’re, like, really going, going, going, you’ll slow down when you get closer to traffic, but then lane hop and then figure out a spot to go fast again. And they didn’t do that. They just slowed down because we were in a race. Listen, you’re not taking this away from me with logic or, like, “Other people think differently than you.” Nope. I was in a race, and I almost won it.

 

SASHEER: You’re right. You were in a race.

 

NICOLE: Thank you. That just makes me question everything I’ve ever thought while driving. And I simply don’t want that.

 

SASHEER: No. You were in a race. And you almost won.

 

NICOLE: Thank you. You’ve never been in a race at, like…? Okay, so you’ve never, like, tricked someone into a race where you’re, like, both at a red light and you keep inching up to be like, “I’m going to really take off,” and then you, like, take off hard and then, like, slow down and then they take off real hard and shoot fast and then they go so fast and they have to slow down? No? You’ve never tricked someone into a race? Someone out there knows what I’m talking about. Judith and Jordan apparently don’t. No one’s like, “Yeah! I know!”

 

SASHEER: I guess I don’t, like, play with my car like that. I just kind of want to get to where I’m going safely.

 

NICOLE: That’s so wild that you’re not having fun in your car. I’m having fun at all times. Yeah, I hit a curb yesterday, and I squealed. I was so excited. Okay. “Main course meal?” I was offroading, but I didn’t have to go anywhere. It was a curb.

 

SASHEER: There are places we can go where you can get your kicks–where you can get this thrill–in a different car or even in your own car but not on an actual road, where there are actual obstacles and danger.

 

NICOLE: Yesterday I parked half on the curb and half not on because I thought I got too far. And I was, like, on the curb, and then I just got tired. I was like, “Ugh! It’s a Jeep. Whatever.”

 

SASHEER: Are you–? What is–? Should you be driving right now? What is happening?

 

NICOLE: I think so. I think I’m fine. I just– Okay. So I was parallel parking, and it was really hard for me to get in the space. And then I was up on the curb, and I was just like, “I give up.” You’ve never just given up? You’ve never just given up on parking and been like, “Well, at least I’m on the curb, so I’m not in the road.”

 

SASHEER: Wait, are you saying your tire was on top of the curb or just, like, touching it?

 

NICOLE: No, my back tire was on the curb.

 

SASHEER: That’s not even happened to me. And if it did, I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t feel like, “Well, I guess it just stays on this curb.”

 

NICOLE: Have you guys ever done that and given up? It’s a Jeep. It’s meant for off-roading.

 

JORDAN: I have never done that. I’m also very proud of my parallel parking, but I’ve never done that.

 

JUDITH: I’ve given up, but I just would ask somebody else to do it. So a partner or a friend–I’m like, “You do it. Thanks.”

 

NICOLE: I’ve done it, like, three times in my Jeep and then, like, once in my Civic.

 

SASHEER: It was on top of the curb?

 

NICOLE: Yeah, and I scratched the bottom of it.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, of course you did. It’s not that high off the ground.

 

NICOLE: Nope. That Civic went through a lot.

 

SASHEER: How fast were you reversing in order for that to even happen?

 

NICOLE: Pretty fast. I get pretty confident, and sometimes I’ll whip into a spot and then run over the curb. I just wanna get it done. Parallel parking is so hard. I feel like everyone’s judging me. “Main course meal?” I’ll never say how I feel about driving again. I’ll never talk about how I drive again because everyone’s like, “You’re such a bad driver.” And I’m like, “I’m not.” I’m good, and I’m having fun at all times.

 

SASHEER: I don’t think it’s that you’re a bad driver. I think that your enthusiasm for fun is making you reckless.

 

NICOLE: Oh no… Wow… Oh, my God…

 

SASHEER: I mean, everything you just described–it sounds really reckless.

 

NICOLE: But I’ve never been in, like, a real accident.

 

SASHEER: I mean, it only takes one time for it to be real and bad. Like it doesn’t have to be like, “Oh, I had a history of accidents. That’s why I got into an accident.” Anyone can get in an accident at any point.

 

NICOLE: I backed into a dumpster because I don’t look behind me when I back up.

 

SASHEER: Okay, I don’t know why you think… I don’t know why you’re surprised at the looks on our faces.

 

NICOLE: Now, I do. Now, I look behind me. I use my mirrors. I don’t turn all the way around like a weirdo.

 

SASHEER: You could.

 

NICOLE: What is the point? I have mirrors. Why am I twisting my whole fucking body to see behind me?

 

SASHEER: There are spots the mirrors can’t reach.

 

NICOLE: I can’t see it better if I turn my whole body around. My sister literally twists her whole body at the waist around, and she is, like, backwards. I’m always like, “You don’t have to do all that. You can just use your mirrors.”

 

SASHEER: Has she ran into anything?

 

NICOLE: Not that I know of. I was once driving in a scene for television. And they were like, “Okay, now pretend you’re backing up.” And I just looked at the rearview mirror. And they’re like, “Pretend you’re backing up.” And so I just, like, kept adjusting my hands on the wheel. And they’re like, “Look behind you!” And I was like, “What? Why? I don’t do that.” And I didn’t realize, like, everyone does that. Do you do that, Sasheer? Judith and Jordan, do you guys do that?

 

SASHEER: Mmhmm.

 

JORDAN: Yeah.

 

JUDITH: I twist. Yeah.

 

JORDAN: But here’s the thing. I now own a newer car, and so it has a great back up camera. So I don’t have to do the twisty. I see it on the camera, and that works. But that’s exactly what I was taught in driving school. You twist your body all the way back because you don’t know who’s behind you. You can’t always see everything in the mirrors.

 

JUDITH: I agree with Jordan. I definitely twist it around. I don’t have a newer car with the camera behind it, so I’m gonna be twisting until the end of time because this car is paid off, so…

 

NICOLE: Oh, that’s so wild to me. Just use the mirrors, guys.

 

SASHEER: “Main course meal?”

 

NICOLE: “Sushi.”

 

SASHEER: “Pizza.”

 

NICOLE: “Greens and grain bowls.”

 

SASHEER: Steak.

 

NICOLE: “Hamburgers.”

 

SASHEER: “Pesto pasta.”

 

NICOLE: I’m just really confused about this. I’m not making burgers for people who come to my house. I’m also not making a steak.

 

SASHEER: You order them? Catered?

 

NICOLE: Okay. We could order this. You’re right. All of this is orderable. Oh my God.

 

SASHEER: Yeah, you know how to make it.

 

NICOLE: Maybe I do need a grounding exercise. I’m just losing my mind. Okay. I’m going to say sushi. I think that’s good food.

 

SASHEER: That is good food. “Time for dessert…”

 

NICOLE: “Macaroons!”

 

SASHEER: “Chocolate-covered strawberries.”

 

NICOLE: “Red velvet cupcakes.”

 

SASHEER: “Conversation hearts.”

 

NICOLE: For dessert? “Sugar cookies.”

 

SASHEER: “Chocolate lava cake.”

 

NICOLE: If anyone just gave me little candies and said, “Eat up!” I would be livid.

 

SASHEER: That is really rude.

 

NICOLE: I would be so mad. I’d be like, “I’m never coming here again.” Duh. Chocolate-covered strawberries. What is this quiz? What are we doing?

 

SASHEER: The Galentine’s Day thing.

 

NICOLE: But what’s the end of it? What’s it going to tell us?

 

SASHEER: What our love life looks like the next year.

 

NICOLE: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

 

SASHEER: What’s to come next year.

 

NICOLE: I’ve just gone on so many tangents. I’m really sorry.

 

SASHEER: I would pick the red velvet cupcakes. I love red velvet.

 

NICOLE: That’s a good choice.

 

SASHEER: Yeah.

 

NICOLE: I like red velvet, too.

 

SASHEER: “What movies are you watching?”

 

NICOLE: “10 Things I Hate About You.”

 

SASHEER: “Notting Hill.”

 

NICOLE: “Mamma Mia!”

 

SASHEER: “13 Going on 30.”

 

NICOLE: “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.”

 

SASHEER: “Clueless!”

 

NICOLE: Clueless. I love Clueless.

 

SASHEER: I love 10 Things I Hate About You. That’s what I would watch.

 

NICOLE: I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it.

 

SASHEER: I love it. It’s perfect.

 

NICOLE: What’s another favorite movie of yours? I recently made you watch Houseguest, which is my favorite movie.

 

SASHEER: Yeah. A Goofy Movie. Kill Bill 1 and 2.

 

NICOLE: Oh, yeah. I knew these ones.

 

SASHEER: Oh. My Best Friend’s Wedding.

 

NICOLE: Ooh, that is a good one. “You’re chasing him. Who’s chasing you, Jules?” I like that scene. “And last question, is this a sleepover?”

 

SASHEER: “Obviously.”

 

NICOLE: “Only with some of them…” That would be so rude. I would be livid if people were lingering as I was leaving. And I’m like, “Are you sleeping here?”

 

SASHEER: “I don’t know.”

 

NICOLE: “No way.” No way. Go home.

 

SASHEER: Yeah. Also, no way. We all have beds. Go home.

 

NICOLE: Yeah, we have beds. I love my bed. I also can’t imagine, like, living in the same town as someone and then being like, “I’m just going to sleep at your house,” unless it was like, “I’m going to sleep at your house to help you, like, clean up in the morning.” No, I can’t be trusted. I’d have to sleep over if I said I was gonna help someone clean in the morning.

 

JUDITH: This is Nicole’s results.

 

NICOLE: “A dream! Whether you’re already in a relationship, getting in one, or are single and ready to mingle, this is your year to succeed in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.” Okay, BuzzFeed. I’ll sue you if that doesn’t come true.

 

SASHEER: I also have “a dream!” Wow. “Whether you’re already in a relationship, getting in one, or single and ready to mingle, this is your year to succeed in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.”

 

NICOLE: Everyone probably gets this. Imagine you get to the bottom, and it’s like, “You’re not going to get anything this year.” I can’t imagine BuzzFeed doing that.

 

SASHEER: “It’ll be a bad year.”

 

NICOLE: “This is not good.” We should answer one singular question.

 

SASHEER: Let’s do it.

 

CALLER: “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I just listened to the episode when you guys came back from Africa. And I listened to the caller ask about one of his friends in his friend circle who was the first one to be pregnant. I have kind of similar questions, but I guess it’s kind of also very different. One of my friends in my friend circle–first friend to get pregnant. She had the baby–super cute. She and her husband just bring the baby kind of everywhere. For example, we went out to a friend’s birthday party–went out to a brewery–and they brought the baby. We have a couple of wine nights with some girlfriends. And it’s not implied that the baby can’t come, but she kind of brings it anyway. And I don’t know if there’s a nice way to go about saying, “Can we just hang out with you? Is it possible for you guys to get a babysitter? Can somebody watch him for a couple of hours?” I just wanted to pick your brain a little bit to see what the best kind of avenue is to bring that up in discussion because, like you guys said, I don’t want to cut her out of plans. I don’t want to cut her out of any sort of thing that we’re doing. But if the baby keeps tagging along, then we kind of have to consider that in the planmakin., and I don’t really think we should kind of revolve the plans around if they or if they won’t bring the baby and, like, not let us know. Sorry if this got kind of long. Thanks so much!

 

NICOLE: Is this baby, like, a bad hang or something? Does it, like, kill the vibe? Like, what’s gonna happen?

 

SASHEER: This baby has really wild political views.

 

NICOLE: This baby’s stance on Ukraine and Palestine is wild.

 

SASHEER: Everyone’s really uncomfortable.

 

NICOLE: No, I absolutely get it. It is wild to be like, “Uh oh, we planned a drinking night, and baby’s here.” I would just ask. I would be like, “Hey…” I mean, I stopped asking, like, “Who all gonna be there?” But, like, sometimes I’m like, “Who all gonna be there?” And you could just be like, “Hey, we’re doing this if you’re the one inviting. Just, like, can you give me a heads up if the baby’s coming because either we can start, like, an hour earlier or whatever so we get, like, maximum friend time?” Or if you find out your friend is going, be like, “Is the baby coming?” And you can always just be like, “Oh, I’m going to bring the baby something.”

 

SASHEER: Yeah, I’m guessing that when parents do that with a newborn, it’s because they don’t want to feel like they can’t hang anymore or feel like they can’t be part of the group. “Of course I’m still young and fun! I can still be part of the group! I just happen to have a baby! Nothing’s changed guys! I just happen to have a whole little human.”

 

NICOLE: “I just have a short little guy, and I have to carry him around. ”

 

SASHEER: “He’s basically a puppy!” Yeah. Yeah. I guess I don’t know how old this baby is, but it may be too young to trust a sitter. I actually have no idea when people start–

 

NICOLE: You can leave a baby at any age with a sitter.

 

SASHEER: Yeah?

 

NICOLE: Yeah, I babysat babies that are, like, two weeks old–three weeks old.”

 

SASHEER: Oh, wow.

 

NICOLE: Yeah, they’re just itty bitty. And they’re funny, and they’re so cute. But also, does our caller want this baby to stay home? Or they just want a heads-up that the baby’s coming out? They want the baby to stay home.

 

SASHEER: It sounded like they want to hang with just the parents.

 

NICOLE: Okay. You can offer a babysitter. Maybe it’s a financial thing where it’s like, “I do want to hang, but we can’t afford a babysitter right now, you know? This baby’s really expensive.” So maybe just be like, “Hey, guys! I planned this night. Babysitter–my treat.” Yeah, that might be a nice thing, right?

 

SASHEER: Yeah, I think so. Yeah. One thing in my head is saying, “What if you, like, presented an option or a couple of options with the assumption that they do leave the kid home?” So like, “Hey, we’re planning to hang out on Saturday. Is there a time for you that works where you won’t have the kid?”

 

NICOLE: I don’t think you’d say it like that.

 

SASHEER: I know. I know.

 

NICOLE: “Is there any time of the day that you’re fucking kid will be doing something fucking else?”

 

SASHEER: Or you could just say how you feel. “I was hoping to hang out with you guys. I am so happy to be around this kid–love being a part of its growth. I miss you guys as, like, my friends, not as parents. Is there a way that we can hang out that works for you where it can be just, like, the adults? And then we’ll figure out some other hangs where the kids can come at some point.”

 

NICOLE: Yeah. I think that’s nice. It’s like, “Oh, I just miss you guys. And I love your baby, but can we do a hang out–just the three of us?” Yeah, I think either talking about it or–yeah–just being like, “I’ll pay for a sitter.” I really like that idea. That’s a nice treat. But then sometimes people are like, “Oh, you wanna hang out with just me? You gonna pay for my sitter again?” Some people don’t understand treats.

 

SASHEER: That is a good point. Yeah. Maybe don’t make the offer first. But I think opening up the conversation will hopefully give you more insight to what is even happening with them because maybe they’ll be like, “Oh, the reason we don’t get a sitter is because of X, Y ,and Z.” Or maybe they just actually don’t think there is an issue bringing the baby at all. And maybe if you just bring it up, they’re like, “Oh my God. My friend misses me. I didn’t even know. I didn’t know they wanted to have hang time without the baby. I didn’t realize that bringing the baby would make it different. Okay, let me figure out a different thing so that I can have at least a couple hours just as adults or whatever.” Maybe they’ll provide a solution of, like, “Well, the baby goes down at this time. You can come over after, and it’ll just be us.” They’ll figure it out. Yeah.

 

NICOLE: Yeah. I think communication is key. Communication is key to a lot of things.

 

SASHEER: That’s true.

 

NICOLE: Which is interesting. But also interesting–you have to learn how to communicate because you can’t just be blabbing what you’re thinking. You gotta have some tact. We all have to mitigate feelings. Isn’t that crazy?

 

SASHEER: That’s so crazy.

 

NICOLE: Wow. I went from unhinged to existential.

 

SASHEER: You really did. And in the matter of seconds.

 

NICOLE: nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. (424) 645-7003 if you’ve got a question.

 

SASHEER: We also have merch at podswag.com/best brands.

 

NICOLE: We also have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

 

SASHEER: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show!

 

NICOLE: Well, Sasheer, Happy Black History Month.

 

SASHEER: Happy Black History Month, Nicole.

 

NICOLE: Did you know black people invented hockey? Bye!

 

SASHEER: Wait, is that true?

 

NICOLE: Yes, bitch! Right up in Canada! Black people! They created modern hockey as we know it.

 

SASHEER: Whoa! I had no idea. The more you know.

 

NICOLE: The more you know! Bye.

 

SASHEER: Bye.

 

NICOLE: Wait, was that on key?

 

SASHEER: It was a key. I don’t know…

 

JUDITH: It sounded good.

 

JORDAN: That was pretty good.