EP. 216 — Quitting Weed

[00:00:06] CHRIS: Hello to everybody that prefers Indica to Sativa, it’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names, no holds barred.

[00:00:18] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

[00:00:28] CHRIS: [music transition] Hi, everybody. It’s Chris Gethard here, welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous. I hope you are well. I hope your family is well. I hope you are enjoying life as best as possible, considering everything that’s happening right now. I mean it very sincerely. I want to go ahead and thank everybody who’s been listening to the show. I hope it’s been providing you some much needed distraction these days. I’m lucky to do it. I’m bummed out because last weekend was supposed to be our big beautiful, Cononymous, first-ever convention, live tapings, great comedy stuff. And all weekend I sat and thought about it. But you know what? Next year it’s gonna be even bigger and more badass and there’s gonna be even more callers who can participate. Maybe that parkour guy from the other week can teach me to do a backflip live on stage. Maybe on day one he gives me my first class and then the final event is I try to do a backflip to end the entire convention. Who knows? Anyway, seems like a lot of people enjoyed our episode last week with our Native Alaskan. I’m really psyched on that. I loved that one, too. Also loved the episode you’re about to hear. In this one, we talk to somebody who is sadly dealing with a medical issue, and that’s a bummer. But they’re hoping to head towards recovery and a topic that I don’t know that we’ve covered too much. They have been using marijuana to help deal with their medical issues. And we’re going to talk pretty in-depth about how that’s gone, where that’s going in the future. She uses a ton, if I’m being honest, but now she’s hearing that maybe she’s got to cut it out. Maybe it’s doing…it’s not doing as much good as she thought. So we get into that. What are the uses of it when you deal with a medical issue and when you have to stop? What’s that like? It’s a very interesting call. Most of all, I wish our caller very good health moving forward. I hope everything goes as well as you want it to. And I’ll let all the listeners hear it now so they can send you the same well wishes after they know your story as well. Enjoy it.

[00:02:42] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. [Beep]

[00:02:50] CALLER: Hello? 

[00:02:51] CHRIS: Hi. 

[00:02:52] CALLER: Oh, hi. 

[00:02:54] CHRIS: How’s it going? 

[00:02:56] CALLER: Am I speaking with Chris Gethard? 

[00:02:58] CHRIS: Yeah, this is me.

[00:03:00] CALLER: Oh my God. This is kind of a dream come true right now. I’m really happy that we’re speaking.

[00:03:06] CHRIS: That’s so nice. Thank you. I’m happy we’re speaking too.

[00:03:13] CALLER: Awesome! So where do I even begin? I’ve been…I’m gonna breathe for a second.

[00:03:23] CHRIS: Oh, take a deep breath, take your time, you’re all good.

[00:03:26] CALLER: Thank you. Yeah it’s really…it is nerve racking, as everyone always says, when you get on the line. Basically, the reason I wanted to talk to you is because I’ve been going through some health issues which have been a real long struggle, trying to even figure out what it is. And so now I’m pretty much at a point where I could go over the whole thing. But like, right now I’m doing a treatment which I’m feeling super optimistic and hopeful that this one finally will be the one that’ll work and just like get rid of all my problems. But then at the same time, whilst I have been dealing with these health issues, one of my biggest coping mechanisms, I have stomach issues. So my biggest coping mechanism is smoking weed all the time.

[00:04:10] CHRIS: Oh well, OK. 

[00:04:11] CALLER: Because it helps, you know, it helps with the stomach, so. But then my doctor just decided to tell me that it’s possible the weed might be somehow contributing or like stopping me from healing. So, you know, the fact that it’s been something that I’ve been relying on so much where no actual medications have been helping. And now I’m being told that I might have to stop my biggest coping thing that I’ve been relying on to help me get through this like stomach stuff and now, like, it could be the solution. Like, if I stop smoking weed, maybe I’ll get better. But like, it’s really a scary prospect. And in the meantime, my stomach is still upset all the time. So, you know, without the weed, it’s just kind of like, oh, well, I’m just going to have an upset stomach I guess.

[00:04:58] CHRIS: Well that’s a catch 22. I think they call that a catch 22. 

[00:05:03] CALLER: Absolutely. That’s absolutely right. Yeah. But anyways, there’s lots of stuff we could talk about.

[00:05:10] CHRIS: All right. So let me – OK, first let me ask, what’s the issue with the stomach?

[00:05:16] CALLER: OK. So it’s something that not a lot of people know about. It’s called SIBO, which is small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. And most people have like a certain type which can be treated through various different things, which I tried. And then we’ve done lots of tests with…I’ve ended up having a naturopath being the one who has helped me the most more than my regular doctor and through her we found out that I have a rare kind of SIBO which, normal SIBO produces a certain type of gas. I don’t remember what kind, but mine produces hydrogen sulfide. So mine in total is hydrogen sulfide, gas producing, small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. And it took about three years to figure out that that’s what it was. And then we figured it out. And then we’ve been trying to treat it for about two more years after that.

[00:06:03] CHRIS: That’s…that’s a hell of a name.

[00:06:06] CALLER: Yup. And it’s not something a lot of people know about.

[00:06:07] CHRIS: No, I don’t. Yeah can you repeat that name? 

[00:06:10] CALLER: Sure. So hydrogen sulfide, gas producing, small intestinal bacterial overgrowth.

[00:06:21] CHRIS: And when…

[00:06:22] CALLER: So the symptoms are mostly like – sorry you go ahead.

[00:06:25] CHRIS: No, I was going to ask you about the symptoms, because when it says gas producing, that doesn’t sound pleasant or fun.

[00:06:31] CALLER: Yeah stuff like bloating. No, the biggest like, outward symptom, which is kind of embarrassing for, like, you know, a petite lady. I have enormous burps. [Chris and caller laughing] So I’ve come to embrace that. Yeah, you may get one. If I, if I have one coming up, I’ll put myself on speaker so you can hear.

[00:06:50] CHRIS: Yeah. No need to hold back. I’d be interested to hear it for myself and no shame, no embarrassment. As always on this show. As always on this show.

[00:07:00] CALLER: Thank you, thank you. 

[00:07:02] CHRIS: OK.

[00:07:03] CALLER: So that’s like one of the maybe less disturbing ones. But like, I also get, you know, when I have like an actual flare up, I have no energy. I’m just like really you know, intense stomach pain. And just like can’t really do anything with my life. So for several years, I didn’t work. And then I finally got to a point where I was, like, stable enough and like on medication and still having a flare up from time to time, but like doing great otherwise. And so I could go back to work and I got a great job and I’m really happy. I love my job. So I’m super happy. But I’m still having flare ups from time to time, and I just can’t seem to get rid of those completely. So right now, I’ve taken actually during this whole pandemic, strangely, that it all coincided. I’ve taken a couple months off of work to try to do another treatment with my naturopath to try to get rid of it. And while I’m doing this treatment, all of a sudden I find out about the weed thing. So anyway.

[00:07:57] CHRIS: Yeah, and a naturopath. You’ve used this phrase a couple times. Is that – 

[00:08:01] CALLER: Yes. 

[00:08:02] CHRIS: Explain that to me. I don’t know that I know that phrase.

[00:08:06] CALLER: Yeah. So people might confuse it with like homeopathy, like some I feel like are a little more woo-woo if you want to say. Like some of them are, I feel like naturopaths, in my opinion, are like scientifically useful, or what do you say? I’m not finding my right words here. But like, I feel like they have support of something…they’re more like natural medicine, let’s say that. Natural medicines and maybe some of the things you might say that they would give you…some people might say it’s nonsense, but my experience has been that my real doctor has been like completely, utterly useless. And the naturopaths that I have seen have actually been the ones who got me to the point where I am now and not just constantly sick all the time. So I’m feeling pretty confident that they at least know what – you know, they do know what they’re doing, even if some people don’t think it’s scientific or whatever.

[00:09:03] CHRIS: So that sounds like not someone that has a medical degree, but someone who knows more about…

[00:09:10] CALLER: It is…I don’t know how to say -I guess I don’t know a lot about it, but it is, they do have like degrees. They went to school. They have real life legitimate certificates and they’re supported by my insurance company and stuff like that. But it’s like it’s yeah, it’s great. But it’s like natural medicine. More like how do I say? So like, some of the stuff she’s been helping me with has been like rearranging my diet as well as, you know, tinctures and medications. And, you know, I don’t know different things. But my real life doctor, you know, all she could really give me was like something that might cover up the symptoms. But she wasn’t really interested in finding out the root cause, like where this is coming from and how to actually, you know, kill it. Get rid of it. 

[00:10:00] CHRIS: Right. Right. So it sounds like, you know, a lot of people would hear about, you know, homeopaths or there’s a lot of debate of people going, you know, Western culture doesn’t embrace Eastern medicine. And then people go, well, you know – and I feel like I’m open to anything that helps. But then some people go, oh, well, these Eastern medicines are snake oil and sounds like this is a balance of someone applying science to all those theories. That’s cool. A naturopath. Who knew?

[00:10:28] CALLER: Yeah, it is kind of a balance. Yeah, exactly. That’s how I look at it. It’s like a little bit of both worlds.

[00:10:35] CHRIS: And now my next question. You mentioned there’s a treatment that you have high hopes for. Tell me about that. And then we’re going to get into the weed.

[00:10:44] CALLER: Awesome. [laughing] OK. So the treatment is I have tried this treatment before, but the thing that happens is it’s trying to kill off the overgrowth of bacteria. But it’s like in the past when I’ve tried it, it kind of like kills it off too fast, like we’ve tried too fast. So then I have – somehow all the dead bacteria triggers me to have an enormous flare up and it just completely is counterproductive. And I just set myself back. So this time, like last time we tried to do it was like in two weeks and I was like still working while I was trying to do it. This time I said, no more of that nonsense like, I’m just really going to put everything I have. [inaudible]

[00:11:26] CHRIS: What was…wait what was that? What’s going on? Hello?

[00:11:30] CALLER: Oh, I’m so sorry. Oh, my God. I tried to hang up on them. Somebody tried to call me. OK. I’m so glad it didn’t lose…sorry, Chris. Holy shit. 

[00:11:40] CHRIS: Oh, that’s OK. I thought it was a burp.

[00:11:41] CALLER: It was my dog’s vet. No! It was my dog’s vet calling. OK, where was I?

[00:11:47] CHRIS: You got awfully pissed at the vet. You got pissed at the vet. You were like argh! You went from being like such a cheerful sounding person to being like, ‘stop it!’ Like I heard you get pissed at the vet.

[00:12:01] CALLER: [laughing] OK that was me getting pissed at my phone trying to hang up on the vet and it not cooperating.

[00:12:05] CHRIS: See, I think you were furious at the vet themselves.

[00:12:10] CALLER: [laughing] Well, they’re helping me, you know, they’re helping my dog…taking care of my dog. So I’m not furious at them. Let’s make that clear. Yeah, but it’s frustrating when I’m finally on the phone with Chris. I’m finally talking to the person I want to talk to, and someone is trying to interrupt me. So, go away!

[00:12:26] CHRIS: Yes! You can help my dog later. Now, you were saying that…it sounded like you were saying this treatment had effectiveness in the past, but some counterproductive stuff. Now you’re gonna really take the time to do it right.

[00:12:39] CALLER: Yes, exactly. So I’m taking the time to do it right. I’m not working. I’m putting 100% of my focus into this. And instead of trying to do it over two weeks, we’re going to try to do it over two months. So that’s where we started. I started that about end of April. And then, you know, I’ve been doing well. I’m concentrating on taking all my medications. I haven’t had a flare up yet. You know, I’m doing well, hoping that the treatment is working and then. OK, here’s the other half of the story. OK. This is too much, I’m sorry. But I’ll tell you all of it if you want to hear.

[00:13:11] CHRIS: It’s never too much here!

[00:13:13] CALLER: OK. Thank you, Chris. OK. So the other half of the story, my real doctor was useless. So I was on a wait list to see a gastroenterologist for about two years. Finally saw them last June, got a big, you know, procedure done. They stuck tubes in me and tested everything, which is, you know, not very pleasant. And the next thing you know, literally nothing happens. I hear nothing from that procedure. There’s no results. There’s no like advice to my doctor of where we should go next. So, you know, that’s you know, that’s why my doctor can’t be helpful, because she just gives me nothing to work with. So. So then la la – OK. So we pestered and pestered. Why haven’t you gotten back to us, gastroenterologist? Finally, literally this month, they got back to us. And he was the one who came up with this thing. What he said is, ‘the reason I didn’t get back to you was because I didn’t see anything, you know, noteworthy or anything that I could even tell you about. But however, when she was here, she noted to me that she smokes a lot of weed to cope with her stomach. So maybe that’s somehow exacerbating things or stopping things from healing. And it could be worth looking into.’ So my doctor told me that. And so then I brought that back to my naturopath and said, ‘what do you think?’ And she said, ‘well, we know for sure that it’s not the cause because we had been working on this, but it is possible that it is somehow blocking you from healing or somehow exacerbating it. So the only way to know for sure is to stop and find out.’

And that’s where I am. And I haven’t, you know, haven’t quite got myself to stop, but that’s where I am.

[00:14:50] CHRIS: OK. OK. Now. Is weed legal where you are from, which I am guessing is almost definitely Canada.

[00:15:02] CALLER: It is Canada and yes. 

[00:15:04] CHRIS: Nailed it. Nailed it.

[00:15:06] CALLER: [laughing] You did. How did you know, was it my accent or something?

[00:15:08] CHRIS: You have a slight ‘a-boot’ and you’re also very nice? And those two things add up to Canada to me. Yeah. 

[00:15:17] CALLER: Oh! OK, great. 

[00:15:19] CHRIS: All Canadians seem nice when I meet them. But then I realize they do get mad and frustrated like anyone else. It’s just that Canadians are generally –

[00:15:30] CALLER: Like when my vet called.  

[00:15:31] CHRIS: – Pleasant on the surface. Yeah. And then it comes out. I think I’ve told this story on the show before. I was once on an Air Canada flight where a flight attendant – I did something stupid. I opened the overhead when I wasn’t supposed to.

[00:15:44] CALLER: Oh, I heard about this. I’m sorry. I heard about that story.

[00:15:48] CHRIS: Yeah, I know I talked about it at a live show, so I’m repeating myself. But the flight attendant, if you hadn’t heard this one already –

[00:15:53] CALLER: Oh, thank you. That’s what it was. I remember now.

[00:15:55] CHRIS: Yeah, she kept going ‘thank you’. She kept going, ‘thank you, sir. Thank you!’ And I was like, ‘you’re welcome?’ And then I realized she was actually telling me, like, sit the fuck down. That’s Canadian for sit the fuck down. Sorry Sally.

[00:16:05] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

[00:16:08] CHRIS: Sorry to repeat. I know that was a repeat. Sorry, everybody. Maybe somebody missed that episode though. So yes, you’re Canadian –

[00:16:15] CALLER: I have to tell you though. 

[00:16:16] CHRIS: Yeah. 

[00:16:17] CALLER: Okay. No, it’s OK. You go. You go. 

[00:16:18] CHRIS: No, you have to tell me what?

[00:16:19] CALLER: OK this was just a side note. This is totally a side note. I’ve been…OK, I just want to apologize because I’ve been stalking Hallie’s Instagram because I really want to look at little pictures of Cal. So that’s all. Hi Hallie!

[00:16:32] CHRIS: That’s fair. And it’s funny because I’ve been very protective of Cal photos. I barely put them up. I always turn off comments when I do because I – and sometimes I put them in the stories because those go away. But then everybody just figured out you could just follow Hallie and then listen to this –

[00:16:51] CALLER: Yeah. But I mean, I don’t like or comment because I feel bad. I’m like, I don’t want her with likes and comments from people she doesn’t know.

[00:16:59] CHRIS: No, no. Well, I feel like most people who realize I’m not posting but then follow my wife are doing it quietly. So that makes me feel a little more okay about it. Like they generally are rational enough people to realize, like Chris is protective of his family. So let me do this in a chill way. Although I will tell you, I once put up a Cal picture in my stories because I’m like those aren’t permanent so I feel better about that. And someone screen grabbed it and sent it back to me, made me feel uncomfortable. Sorry if it was you and you’re listening.

[00:17:30] CALLER: It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me specifically. Sorry. You were speaking to someone listening.

[00:17:35] CHRIS: That’s alright. So I think weed – I think weed’s legal in Canada. Is that true or is that more recent?

[00:17:40] CALLER: Yeah, it was legalized since September…I want to say…time is all flowing together. It was either last year or the year before. But yeah, I’ve been smoking weed for a long time before that.

[00:17:52] CHRIS: You have. So you were a weed smoker, pre-medical treatment. You used to just get down with it. 

[00:17:57] CALLER: Yup.

[00:17:57] CHRIS: You used to just toke up for fun.

[00:17:59] CALLER: Yep. Yeah. It’s just kind of funny because when I was really young and like even in high school, I didn’t even practically know what weed was and I would never do something such just, you know, something like that. I was such a goody two shoes and now look at me. [laughing]

[00:18:13] CHRIS: Mmmhmm. Then you go off to McGill University and everything goes down. True or false? I just know that’s a Canadian college.

[00:18:20] CALLER: Uh that’s actually false.

[00:18:22] CHRIS: OK, fair.

[00:18:22] CALLER: No, I actually considered going there, but I ended up staying in my hometown. It was an ex-boyfriend who got me into weed.

[00:18:29] CHRIS: Fair. Fair. So your ex-boyfriend’s a big stoner and all of a sudden you like it and were you a smoker? Edibles? What do you like? What are you thinking?

[00:18:37] CALLER: Well, for the majority of the beginning of it, mostly joints and smoking the bong. Had my little pipe. Definitely edibles. Nowadays I’ve upgraded so I actually have a volcano. 

[00:18:49] CHRIS: What? What’s that?

[00:18:51] CALLER: A volcano vaporizer? [laughing] It’s a vaporizer, it’s like people who smoke weed will know. It’s basically like the most high-tech vaporizer you can get. It just sits on the table and is plugged into the wall and it’s like it heats up the element. And you have like a plastic bag, kind of. So you put the bag on top and you – and the hot air blows up and fills up the bag and like the weed is like in between the hot air and the bag. So it flows through, heats up the weed, vaporizes the crystal and like fills up the bag with stuff that gets you high.

[00:19:21] CHRIS: So it absolutely distills it down to its THC core essence.

[00:19:26] CALLER: Essentially, yes. And I feel it’s healthier because then you don’t have literal smoke. Like you’re not smoking a joint, inhaling all the carcinogens. So I’m hoping that that side of it is healthier as well.

[00:19:37] CHRIS: Now, like all substances, I’ve found that they hit me harder than most people. This is true for every – definitely for alcohol and for every drug I’ve tried. It sounds like using a volcano vaporizer would put me on my ass, crawled up in the corner. True or false?

[00:19:57] CALLER: I mean, it’s no different than smoking a joint, you would just have to maybe watch that you’re not smoking a ton. I mean, it’s like if you smoke a whole bunch all at once by yourself and you’re not used to it, then yeah absolutely. [laughing] But I’m used to it.

[00:20:10] CHRIS: OK, OK, good to know. You ever hear of a steamroller, you ever doing one of those steamrollers?

[00:20:15] CALLER: I can’t say that I have. Why don’t you educate me?

[00:20:19] CHRIS: When I was a freshman in high school, a kid had a – or in college, rather – a kid had a steamroller. And my buddy, I won’t name names, was one of the bigger weed dealers in New Brunswick, New Jersey at the time. And he was older than me, but he liked to come into my dorm ’cause all the freshmen kids really worshiped him and he liked feeling cool. So he brought some stuff over and this kid on my floor had a steamroller which was like almost like a horizontal bong. Like a glass tube that you held horizontally instead of vertically. And if I remember right the weed was on top, you lit it above it and kind of sucked it down and through. And this thing was hardcore. And a bunch of us were smoking in my room. And one guy held his hit way too long in his lungs. He passed out and he started spazzing out, and we were all terrified. And I started slapping – 

[00:21:10] CALLER: That’s no good. 

[00:21:11] CHRIS: – I started slapping him in the face. Everybody froze because we were all a bunch of high 18-year-olds. So I got up and just started smacking the shit out of him and he woke up and it was crazy.

[00:21:21] CALLER: Good! Geez, that’s insane. Smoke responsibly!

[00:21:24] CHRIS: Yeah, I’m a real hero. I’m a real hero. Yeah. Freshmen in college generally don’t. Okay. So back to you. So it’s legal now, but you had experience beforehand. Now, when it becomes a medical issue, do you…are you still smoking the type of stuff you used to or do you research it more and go for stuff that has specifically medicinal aims?

[00:21:51] CALLER: Yeah, I see what you’re saying. So I guess what you’re referring to is like CBD, which is the more medicinal – 

[00:21:58] CHRIS: Or just I know like I went to a dispensary with a friend, my friend Carmen, who I go on the road with. We went to a dispensary. I didn’t get anything. I was just like, oh, this is interesting. I should see what these are like now that they’re legal. And it seemed like they had almost like sommeliers who were like, ‘if you want to be a little more creative, take this. If you’re looking to sleep, take this.’ And I would imagine they might go, ‘and if you if you have stomach problems, take this.’ So I don’t even know outside of CBD, I even wonder if there’s other types of THC.

[00:22:26] CALLER: Well, the kind of – all that I know about is there’s CBD and then there’s THC. And then when you have – there’s kind of two categories of weed, which is Indica and Sativa, and Sativa is the kind that is kind of more cerebral, I guess. I guess it’s a little more energetic, but that’s the type that I literally avoid. Like, I don’t like Sativa. I always go for Indica. The way I remembered it is called ‘in the couch’, which is makes you just want to sit on the couch and just like gel and zonk out, basically.

[00:22:56] CHRIS: Okay, good to know. 

[00:22:58] CALLER: And it kind of makes you sleepy. Yeah. So I find – I don’t know if like pure just CBD would help my stomach as much because it’s definitely half like a mental game, like, you know, I smoke weed and I feel better mentally as well as physically, and I just – it’s totally distracting myself. So. Yeah.

[00:23:18] CHRIS: Right.

[00:23:19] CALLER: I don’t know about medicinal purposes but it’s more like a distraction maybe.

[00:23:22] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:23:25] CHRIS: [music transition] I feel like there’s probably a lot of people on Earth who say that sentence, ‘I use weed as a distraction.’ I feel like that is fundamentally one of the things that people like about it. All right, now that I’ve said that very profound and original thought, let’s take a break.

[00:23:46] CHRIS: [music transition] Hey, everybody, break’s over. OK. We’re going to get back into it. Let’s go. 

[00:23:53] CALLER: I don’t know about medicinal purposes but it’s more like a distraction maybe.

[00:23:57] CHRIS: Yeah. So you haven’t switched it up. You’re like, I’m just going to lean into what I already know because it helps and I like it.

[00:24:04] CALLER: That’s what I had been doing. Yes. That’s what I had been doing for such a long time. And I had considered the possibility, you know what if this isn’t really helping me, like I know it’s just covering things up essentially. But, you know, I had ruled out the fact, like I said, that I didn’t think that it was actually the cause of my issues. And you know, while it’s been such a big sort of support that I can lean on, why – why change it kind of.

[00:24:28] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. And are you smoking every day?

[00:24:31] CALLER: Yeah, absolutely. I know – OK here’s the other half of it. I know that I don’t want to be smoking weed everyday. Like I never pictured myself as a pothead. Like, you know, I don’t want to be doing this my whole life, but because I’ve been in this situation for so many years, I’ve gotten into this habit of just relying on it for my stomach. So my whole plan was, OK, let’s do this treatment, I’ll get my stomach sorted out, then I’ll be able to, you know, have my health supporting me to be able to tackle the job of quitting something that I’m so reliant on – weed. But now it’s kind of like I got to do them both at once. But I’ve been, yeah that’s that.

[00:25:12] CHRIS: Alright. Are you high right now?

[00:25:14] CALLER: But I’ve been talking to my counselor – No I’m not, surprisingly. I slept late and I haven’t yet smoked weed today. And I thought, well, I’ll just be sober for Chris to talk to him.

[00:25:26] CHRIS: I was going to say, you’re awfully lucid for a high person.

[00:25:31] CALLER: It’s also because I feel like when I smoke so much, I feel perfectly in control because I’m always high. So, like, that’s how I always am. And I just don’t feel like I can’t do the stuff that I want to do. Like, I have my wits about me.

[00:25:46] CHRIS: Yeah. That’s good.

[00:25:46] CALLER: I mean, I feel like I do. Yeah.

[00:25:50] CHRIS: God bless you on that. Because I – anytime I’ve been high – and I’ve been high once in the past five years probably? I ate a pot cookie from a TV show and went on live TV to see what would happen.

[00:26:04] CALLER: Oh my. Oh that’s right! I remember. Yes.

[00:26:06] CHRIS: I tell you, all that happens to me is I talk about one third at my normal speed and I try to eat everything in sight. And then I just lay down.

[00:26:15] CALLER: [laughing] That’s called the munchies.

[00:26:16] CHRIS: Yeah. Believe me, I know. Believe me, I know.

[00:26:21] CALLER: Did you smoke weed much at all before? Like when I know that you had been a drinker and everything, but I don’t know if you ever smoked weed much.

[00:26:29] CHRIS: Well, in college, I wouldn’t say I smoked it much. Like I said, I had a friend who was a dealer and I used to hang out at his house all the time. So I was around it a lot. And I tell you, he actually did something very kind. He, my freshman year, I had never smoked weed through high school I just never had. I started drinking my senior year of high school. And so freshman year in college, I was drinking and I used to go too hard. Just out of the gate, you know, I was just one of those people who never was a responsible drinker. It was never in the cards for me. And my buddy pulled me aside. He said, ‘look, you’re in college. You’re gonna smoke weed at some point in the next four years, and I really know a lot about it and I know what I’m doing. So why don’t you smoke with me and get it out of the way and we’ll see. We’ll see.’ You know, I think he was making a real effort. A) to share that experience with me since it was something he loved, but B) to also maybe, you know, looking back on it, maybe he was trying to go, ‘you’re drinking, clearly nobody ever broke down to you how to do that in a smart way so maybe I can show you how this works.’ And he did show me.

[00:27:45] CALLER: And also, I was just gonna say, well, also, you can’t. It’s not possible to, like, hurt yourself overdosing with weed in the same way that you can with other substances. So maybe he was trying to steer you into a safer direction? I don’t know.

[00:28:00] CHRIS: Yeah. To show me that a little goes a long way. But in typical Chris Gethard fashion, what would happen is I’d just keep going as long as people were going and then I’d just pass out and wouldn’t have fun or I’d just like lay down on the floor and be like ‘I feel good!’ But then I’d wake – I’d come out of it and be like all my friends had fun and I wasn’t even talking. Here’s a story that you’ll love. I don’t think I’ve told this one on the show before, so. Freshman year like I said, I smoked weed for the first time now, a bunch of other kids smoked weed for the first time. We had a few potheads on our floor who had, you know, done a lot in high school. And this kid, he actually lived directly across the hall from me. He was my friend Andy’s roommate, he was a pretty decent guy. Kind of a bro, this guy. And he comes to the floor one day. He had been home for the weekend. He comes home, he goes, ‘guys, I made pot brownies. Me and my friends from home, we decided, let’s make pot brownies. So I brought them all back. I haven’t done any yet.’ So a whole bunch of kids on our floor were like, yeah, let’s do it. We had a floor meeting that night with our RA. We called them preceptors at Rutgers. So we had a big meeting, everybody had to be there to go over some stuff, rules or whatever. So we all eat these brownies and nothing happens. And then somebody goes, you know, is anybody high? And we’re all like, no. And the kid who baked them goes well – 

[00:29:30] CALLER: You’re doing the classic rookie mistake.

[00:29:34] CHRIS: Classic first time edibles. You know the sentence that someone said. They go, ‘well, the thing I hear with edibles is you actually have to eat a lot of them to get them to work.

[00:29:45] CALLER: Oh nooooo!

[00:29:46] CHRIS: So we’re all 18 years old. There’s probably like 10, 12 of us who are just now – we’re popping these brownies like they’re potato chips out of the bag. And I’m telling you, that floor meeting with all these freshmen kids, by the time of that floor meeting – that floor meeting was four or five hours hours later. And I mean, I don’t know how the RA’s didn’t just call ten ambulances to come and get us ’cause there were like 10 of us just leaning over the arms of chairs or like laying on the ground with our hands over our eyes or just moaning in there. I remember that night, I just, my girlfriend came over and she just rubbed my head. And then I threw up a bunch of spaghetti and I went to sleep.

[00:30:32] CALLER: Oh, my God. Yeah. Actually, edibles is one of the few times where I felt like I had overdone it with weed. Yeah, for sure. Like people somehow – I don’t know why – people think, hmm sorry? 

[00:30:45] CHRIS: No you go, you go. I’ve been talking too much.

[00:30:48] CALLER: Well, no, it’s okay. I was just gonna say that people always for some reason think that edibles are somehow going to be a little more chill or like easier to start if you’ve never smoked weed before, to start with an edible. But it’s like, no, don’t do that, because what happens is you eat the edible. You don’t actually necessarily know how much you’ve eaten, you don’t know how much like what it’s going to do to your body until it hits and then you’re in it. There’s no way to get out of it. So but if you smoke weed, you know, have a few puffs. See how you feel. If you want a few more, have a few more. If you don’t, don’t. And that’s it. Like you don’t have there’s you know, you can stop. But with edibles, it’s just like you’re going for the ride. That’s it. Yeah.

[00:31:28] CHRIS: Yeah. See, I’ve always hated smoke. I always my whole life as a kid, I’ve always been like what is the appeal of having smoke in your mouth? I’ve never understood it. So then I think edibles feel like well – 

[00:31:38] CALLER: Yeah I’m not a cigarette smoker either. 

[00:31:40] CHRIS: Yeah. I can’t do it. I can’t even. I can’t. I have like almost a phobia. And so I think I was always like, well edibles. That’s like a simpler chiller way to consume it. So then you think it’s going to be a chiller high and it’s the opposite, turns out.

[00:31:58] CALLER: Mmmhmm. Depending on how much you take. 

[00:32:01] CHRIS: Yes, of course, of course. Now you have to – you’re going to cut down. People think this might be impeding your recovery. You got to go from smoking everyday to it’s sounds like – 

[00:32:14] CALLER: All day. 

[00:32:15] CHRIS: – All day, everyday to it sounds like cutting it down severely, if not completely. What’s the game plan on how to cut it out? And are you nervous about this? 

[00:32:24] CALLER: Yes. I am extremely nervous and for the first, you know, 48 hours of the news, I was quite stressed out and anxious, which wasn’t great for my stomach because it did actually trigger like a mini flare up. But today, I’m better from that. Yesterday was the last day of that. So now I’m back feeling better and able to sort of think again about this task. But I’ve been speaking with my – I do have a counselor who I see and she has been helping me come up with some, you know, really practical tools, you know, to try to make it less painful. And I don’t think that it would be, I don’t think I’m going to try to just go cold turkey right away because I like, anxiety does trigger my stomach to have upset. So, like, exactly catch 22. So I want to take some, you know, baby steps. Well, like right now, the fact that I haven’t smoked yet today is me, I’m basically practicing. I’m calling it like I’m practicing, not smoking weed and seeing how I do. And so here’s the tools. Here are the practical tools she’s given me. I’ll share it with you. Here, let me grab my notebook. OK. So what she gives me is a little kind of a maybe a mantra you want to say? So what I have a hard time with is like picturing like, so I’ve been in this situation where my stomach has been, I’ve been totally sick and just not like myself for several years and I’ve been smoking weed all the time and just not feeling myself for several years. So what I have to try to do is picture, you know, the world in which I’m out of these problems. And so she’s saying – OK. So for now, every time I feel like smoking weed, the first thing I’m going to do is like ask myself, ‘am I smoking weed because I feel like my stomach is upset, I want to help my stomach? Or is it just because of the habit or because I’m bored right now?’ So, you know, first step, ask myself those questions. Then I do the mantra where I tell myself where I’m picturing the life I want to have, basically. And the way we’re picturing it is 6 months from now as if it’s real. So here’s what I’m going to say to myself, and I’m supposed to feel it like it’s real. OK, so it’s November 1st. I’m not smoking weed. I’m in great health. I’m in a job that I love and I’m proud of myself. I don’t have limitations. So I say that to myself, I really let it sink in. I feel it. And honestly, it already does feel like it’s real. Like I can count on the fact that in November this is what my life is going to be like. And then after that, I can ask myself again if I still feel like smoking weed. If I still do, I can totally smoke and not have to feel guilty. But then I will have learned, you know, I will have learned why I feel like I need to smoke weed. And also, you know, taking the time to practice that thought exercise is already being really helpful. So that’s my first step. And then on Thursday, I’m seeing her again and we’re going to reflect on all the things I learned with that.

[00:35:36] CHRIS: Wow. That’s a hell of a mantra. And did you say that was your naturopath who gave you that?

[00:35:42] CALLER: No, this is my counselor. 

[00:35:44] CHRIS: Your counselor. 

[00:35:46] CALLER: Yeah. I’ve got a naturopath for my health and a counselor for my mental health. I guess she’s my therapist. I call her my counselor.

[00:35:52] CHRIS: Nice. You got all your bases covered. 

[00:35:55] CALLER: Yeah, so attacking it from all angles. Exactly. I’m really like I said, I’m putting 100 percent into this. I need this to work, I – OK. I cannot even imagine the world in which this is not going to work, like it has to work. Anyway, that’s how I feel about it. Kind of scary if it doesn’t work. But it’s going to work. That’s what I say.

[00:36:17] CHRIS: That’s an amazing approach and amazing attitude. And I may have brought this up before. I tell you, my wife suffered a back injury a number of years ago and she feels a lot better now. Still comes and goes. But she did – it was so cool – she did an immense amount of research on the relationship between pain and the body and the brain. And there’s tons of studies that show that once you’re feeling pain and once you’re feeling an ailment, your brain doesn’t always help you find your way out of it. And in fact, may be responsible as much as your body for hanging onto it. And hearing your mantra and that approach, I feel like it’s such a healthy way to say at the very least, we’re going to make sure that whatever you experience is physical and remove as much of the mental as we can, because I would imagine that will also help the doctors and the naturopath then deal with it because they’ll know this is not driven by panic or this is not driven by the brain trying to rationalize or figure out or further or even protect what’s going on. That’s a great mantra.

[00:37:32] CALLER: Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Because the gut health and the mental health are a thousand percent linked, like this I’ve learned. It’s definitely linked for like, yeah, there’s not – you can’t – I feel like I have to attack it from both sides. I feel like you can’t heal one without the other. Like I’ve tried. And now I’m doing it the right way this time I feel like.

[00:37:58] CHRIS: Yeah. That’s cool. You’ve given it your all. No halfway.

[00:38:03] CALLER: That’s right! Exactly.

[00:38:06] CHRIS: Can I ask how old you are? 

[00:38:09] CALLER: Yes, I am 32.

[00:38:11] CHRIS: 32. That was the most chaotic year of my life. One of my favorite years of my life in many ways, even though it was one of the craziest years of my life. But also does strike me, as way more than 30 itself, I always look back and I’m like, that was right around the beginning of when I realized that I needed to make some decisions about what my adulthood was going to lock into. And it wasn’t like a dramatic process. It wasn’t like, oh, I’m at a midlife crisis. Or like, oh, God, I’m in my 30s. It wasn’t that. It was just, you know. I’m halfway to retirement and I’ve had kind of a freewheeling life and I’ve been trying to figure it out and I’ve gone in a number of different directions, but now I need to make some firm decisions and adjustments to get where I know I want to be. Sounds like this is your version of it, of your at an age – that’s the exact age I’d imagine – where you go, can’t live with this forever. And I’m not going to. So let’s do whatever it takes.

[00:39:22] CALLER: Well, absolutely. I mean, what you’re saying is, I’m pretty sure like, you go through your life like you say your 20s are trying all kinds of different things. But when you hit 30, your 30s, you kind of realize, OK, I actually know now I’ve learned about myself. I know what my values are. I know what I want out of life. And now you have the tools to go after those things and make your life the way you want it to be. So, yeah, I feel like since this whole illness has been going on for like five years, I’ve been the whole, you know, my entire late 20s and early 30s are gone now. I’m kind of wasted to this. So, like, it’s not that I haven’t been trying to heal myself this whole time, it’s just that I haven’t been able to. And so, yeah, I’m at the point like I’ve been in a deep rut of just, you know, hoping this is going to end at some point but not knowing when it’s going to end, doing everything I can. And every time I try the treatment, it never works. And I had gotten myself so kind of depressed about that and feeling like, well, I’m going to keep doing it. I’m going to do another treatment. But I don’t think it’s actually going to work. But this time with the help of my counselor and everything, like I say, it’s a mental game. We’ve gotten to a point where I actually have my optimism back and I have my like, all the drive back and motivation back that I had completely just sucked and sucked away slowly. And now I have it back and I feel like myself again. And I feel like I can tackle this and make this work this time like you say, because I’m doing it from all angles. I’m covering every single base. And yeah, if weed is something I have to cut out to make this work, it’s something I’m going to have to do because I’m willing like I say, I wanted to put every single thing I had into this treatment so that it works this time. So I never have to deal with this again. And if I have to stop weed, then that’s what I’m going to do. Yeah. So I’m very, very motivated. But it’s very daunting. Yeah.

[00:41:22] CHRIS: Of course. Now, outside of the physical discomfort. What are the things this ailment has held you back from doing? And what are you looking forward to? I would imagine that moving forward, the rest of your 30s, you’re going, ‘this is my last chance to live that younger person’s life. I got to get these things done the right way.’ What are they?

[00:41:48] CHRIS: [music transition] This caller has to think about what do you want to go do moving forward? What are the things you feel held back from doing because of health conditions? But I hope everybody listening takes a moment to go, ‘what are the things I wanna do moving forward?’ That’s a question we should all be asking ourselves, myself included. We’ll be right back.

[00:42:08] CHRIS: [music transition] All right, everybody. We’re back. That means we’re going to finish this call off. Let’s go.

[00:42:15] CHRIS: You know, I would imagine that moving forward, the rest of your 30s, you’re going, ‘this is my last chance to live that younger person’s life. I got to get these things done the right way.’ What are they?

[00:42:28] CALLER: Yeah, well. So anytime – the biggest problem is like not being able to keep my commitments. Like I hate making a plan or saying, yes, I’ll do this. And then when the day comes, I’m just too sick and I just have to cancel. You know, that happens constantly. So I just kind of stopped making plans, you know? So, yeah. And being able to work and do my job and not have to call in sick and let people down. I feel like I let people down. But, you know, that’s just in my head. But yeah, I really, what I’m most looking forward to is to be able to get back in touch with myself, to be honest, because I used to be extremely creative and I want to get back into making music and like writing and drawing and just like going out and seeing shows and, you know, going outside and doing things. I mean, right now the pandemic is happening. But, you know, eventually life is gonna get back to normal and we’re gonna be able to do things again. And, you know, go and see my friends just have a life like, oh, my God. Just have a life and have things be easy and not just be constantly struggling and be difficult all the time. That’s what I want.

[00:43:44] CHRIS: It’s really eye opening, isn’t it, to hear like these things, you know, you got the pain, you got the discomfort, burping, and then sometimes where it’s actually like pain that stops you in your tracks, but then it’s such the simple things, right? It’s like, ‘I want to stop being the one who cancels plans. It makes me feel like a flake. People get frustrated. I just don’t bother anymore.’ You’re like, oh. What a simple thing that anyone hearing it will go, ‘yeah, it does suck. It does suck. I get it.’

[00:44:15] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And in a long term – long term I definitely want a family. Like I’ve always, well not always, but I definitely want to have kids of my own. I want to – I have a boyfriend who I only actually just started dating like right before the whole pandemic went down. And because of my health we don’t want to risk anything. So we haven’t even been able to hang out. We’ve been like texting and talking over FaceTime and all this. But it sucks because the timing was you know, I finally meet someone I feel like I really want to, you know, go for it with and maybe make a life with and now we’re just sort of in limbo. [laughing]

[00:44:52] CHRIS: And how did you meet?  

[00:44:54] CALLER: Through some mutual friends. Yeah. How much time do we have left? 

[00:45:01] CHRIS: Oh we have eighteen and a half minutes left.

[00:45:04] CALLER: OK cool. OK I have a story about the boyfriend if you want to know but tell me more. What’s your question? 

[00:45:09] CHRIS: Well, I want to get into that story. So let me – but let me ask this question. How early in a dating relationship do you go, ‘so I should let you know that I have a crazy amount of bacteria in my stomach that sometimes make me have super loud burps.’

[00:45:29] CALLER: [laughing] Yeah, I mean, that’s something I kind of bring up almost immediately, because it’s not only the burps, it’s like I’m not really as physically strong as I could be. You know, let’s just say if he wants to have sex all the time, sometimes I might be not feeling up for it because I’m not physically feeling well, you know. So it’s a little bit, there’s a lot of compromising I feel like you have to do for me, which I don’t really like. But he is so wonderful. And that’s actually part of the story I wanted to tell you. So I’ll tell you the story. 

[00:45:57] CHRIS: Yeah, I’m all ears.

[00:46:00] CALLER: OK. OK. So this is me complaining about my ex-boyfriend and comparing him to my new boyfriend. So OK, so about in, let’s say summer 2018. The guy that I’ve had a crush on for a long time, I finally get the courage and we start dating. And I feel like I have fell in love hard for the first time in my life, like I’m in love and I feel like, OK, this is it. Like I finally found this guy. So it was really intense for several months. And then through that time, I started, you know, observing his behavior and realizing, oh, maybe he’s not the person I thought he was. And so the things that happened as far as my health goes is he was fully not understanding. And, you know, during our breakup, one of the things he sort of brought up – actually before our breakup – he said, ‘you know, I realized to myself, you know, if I had a girlfriend who didn’t have health issues, maybe we could be having sex all the time’ or something like that. Like he literally said those words. And so I broke up with him, like the next day.

[00:47:05] CHRIS: Yeah that’ll do it.

[00:47:07] CALLER: Yeah, but it was like the cherry on top of the cake because he’d been kind of constantly just displaying selfish behavior like you know, he bought a car saying that he wanted to be able to drive me places and help me with my errands and things. And then every time I’d ask him to help me, drive me to the grocery store or something, he’d be like, ‘oh, why are you asking me to help you with your chores?’ So he was just a really selfish person. And I kind of got myself being like am I the selfish one for asking him to help me with things that I need help with? Like, is it wrong of me to ask him? Because he kept acting like I was being selfish for asking him for help with things. So in the end, I dumped him ’cause I was like, what an asshole. And there could be more I could say about that. I feel like I’m really frazzled explaining that story. But the flip side of the story is my new boyfriend, who I met about a year later after that, and he is just so the opposite, like he is so giving and so kind and so generous to the point where it’s bad for him. And I have to say, stop giving, like you have to look after yourself as well. You can’t just look after everyone else around you. And so he’s been so wonderful like he brings me my groceries for me so I don’t have to go to the store and expose myself to germs, like it’s so wonderful. And he you know, he cares about me like, oh, my God. Like I was in love with that other guy, but Jesus Christ, like, he was so selfish and he didn’t care about me and he didn’t care that I was sick. But this guy does and he’s rooting for me. And I care about him, too. Yeah. I’m really, really, really happy.

[00:48:48] CHRIS: And you say you haven’t been together all that long. How long are we talking?

[00:48:53] CALLER: We officially started calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend on January 24th. And we’ve been taking things pretty slow, like we were, you know, not too physically active for the most part. We were sort of slowly getting used to each other and everything. And then right at the moment where, you know, I kind of started to want to go further, that’s when the pandemic hit. And then we haven’t really been able to be next to each other physically. But we’re still very in touch, you know via Internet and whatnot.

[00:49:28] CHRIS: Yeah, that sounds like a bummer. Connecting the dots on the story you just told. That’s a bummer for everybody.

[00:49:36] CALLER: Yeah, it is. But it’s kind of like I’m really used to waiting. You know, it’s like I’m waiting for my illness to get better so I can start living my life again. So well no, I know. But like, yeah. So it’s just another one of those things I’m just waiting for. So, like, my life can start.

[00:49:52] CHRIS: Yeah. It sounds like this is like a new beginning on the horizon in so many ways. And maybe this pandemic came up for you to go, ‘wow, so I’m really hitting the pause button here and I get to contemplate that now in this stretch’ and then coming out of it, this will be the beginning of a new life in so many ways.

[00:50:13] CALLER: I absolutely do feel that way. It feels like when my counselor helped me get my drive and optimism back, it was like, OK. I feel, I can tell, that I’m right on the edge of a huge change. Like knowing you can tell, when you can really feel that it’s going to come and that on the other side of the change, you’re gonna be a totally different person. Like, that’s how I feel.

[00:50:36] CHRIS: And once you get that optimism back, that positivity back, do you start to feel any positive physical effects already or no?

[00:50:47] CALLER: It’s hard to say because I don’t have stomach problems badly everyday. It’s always kind of there, but I think it’s definitely helping. I think it’s for sure helpful. I mean, I feel happier. That’s got to be helpful.

[00:51:07] CHRIS: All right. 

[00:51:09] CALLER: Yeah. I think it’s all good. 

[00:51:11] CHRIS: I got to say, I approve of your new boyfriend. I know that you don’t need my approval and you weren’t seeking it. But I like the cut of his jib. Sounds like a quality human.

[00:51:22] CALLER: He sure is. He absolutely is. Yeah. Like, I have to help him to like, I have to help him draw the boundaries. ‘Cause he’s learning how to draw the boundaries so he doesn’t get taken advantage of because he’s that giving.

[00:51:36] CHRIS: Yeah, yeah.

[00:51:41] CALLER: Yep. What else should we talk about now? I feel like I’ve kind of told you everything. I mean, there’s lots of stuff I’m sure.

[00:51:47] CHRIS: We’ve covered a lot of ground, but we have almost 12 minutes left. So whatever you want it to be or it could be the rare hey, I’ve said all I need to say and I’m gonna hang up, which I don’t know has happened ever in the history of the show.

[00:52:01] CALLER: Uh no. That’s never – that’s not gonna happen. I’m sorry. I’m gonna squeeze every moment out of this that I can. [laughing]

[00:52:07] CHRIS: All right. Because we’ve covered the ailment, the weed, the boyfriend. What kind of dog you got? I heard you had a dog.

[00:52:15] CALLER: Oh, I have a – I do! I have a golden doodle. He’s my baby boy. His name is Grover. 

[00:52:23] CHRIS: Oh that’s nice. Grover?

[00:52:24] CALLER: Okay, he’s not anonymous, it’s fine. Yeah.

[00:52:26] CHRIS: That’s a good name for a golden doodle. That seems like it fits.

[00:52:30] CALLER: Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And he’s got his own Instagram page as well.

[00:52:36] CHRIS: Oooohh.

[00:52:37] CALLER: I don’t post on social media personally. I’m too like, I don’t want people to hear my opinions and have judgments about them. So I just post pictures of him and he is my conduit to social media.

[00:52:49] CHRIS: Fair. Fair. I tell you what, my mother-in-law – we’re staying together. It’s me, Hallie, Cal, my mother-in-law and her dog during the pandemic. And my mother-in-law knows everything about dogs. It’s wild. Any dog we walk past I’ll be like, ‘what kind of dog is that?’ And she’s like, ‘that’s a mix between a Boxer and a Daschund.’ 

[00:53:13] CALLER: Oh my God. She can tell right away the mixes just by looking at them!

[00:53:16] CHRIS: Generally, yeah. Or she’ll go ‘that’s a pure mutt. That’s a pure, lovable mutt.’ Or we even – I started testing it. I looked up a list. Best dogs for kids. And I found a top ten list and I asked her if she could guess which breeds were on it, and she guessed like…eight of them. And like very accurate to the numeric rankings. She’s like, she knows everything about dogs.

[00:53:42] CALLER: Well she’ll be a really good resource for you guys when you get your dog, she’ll be really helpful for you, she’ll help guide you.

[00:53:49] CHRIS: Ugh, I still don’t know. I’m slowly warming up to the idea because my son, my son also loves her dog. He chases her dog all over the house. The dog hates it, but is so nice about it. So it’s really cute. He’ll run up and like he’ll be – literally shrieking. Now he walks, he just started walking. So he’ll like, toddle over to her and literally be like screaming and lurching towards her and she just gets up and walks away every time. But her tail wags. She can tell it’s playing, it’s pretty cute. 

[00:54:22] CALLER: She knows he’s just a little guy. That’s so cute.

 [00:54:24] CHRIS: So maybe this kid needs a dog and I’m gonna have to spend my whole life cleaning up dog hair, picking up dog poop. Oooh boy.

[00:54:32] CALLER: Well that’s the good thing about Grover. As a golden doodle, he is hypoallergenic, so he doesn’t really shed.

[00:54:38] CHRIS: I hear that about the doodles.

[00:54:40] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. My best friend is actually a dog trainer. So she has a new dog who’s been coming over to play with Grover all the time. We stand far apart and they just wrestle in the backyard, which has been really lovely. But yeah, I’m sure she has all kinds – we talk all the time about dogs and dog training. And one of the interesting things I guess is a lot of people are getting a dog right now because they’re like, ‘oh, I have so much free time, you know, during this pandemic, I can spend training it.’ But the backside of that is that when puppies are so young, they really need socialization so – like it’s really important to get them out and expose them to all kinds of different like experiences, which is something that is not going to be happening right now that easily, unfortunately. So it’s kind of like – she was talking to me about that, like it’s good for some things. But a lot of people are finding that their dogs can’t be socialized properly because they’re stuck inside.

[00:55:40] CHRIS: I worry about it with Cal. I’m like Cal should be playing with other babies, he’s a little puppy too.

[00:55:48] CALLER: Yeah. I guess you’re right. I used to work at a daycare. And one thing I learned – I’m not an expert in early childhood development – but one thing I learned is that at a certain age, like when they’re that age and until they get to even just toddler age or past toddler age, they don’t usually play with other kids from what I understand? Like, they don’t interact so much. I don’t know if this is true, but only at a certain age do they start to actually, like, play with each other, like they’ll play side by side. So, like, I don’t like literally I don’t know what I’m talking about. So I might be a hundred percent wrong, but maybe it’s OK. Maybe it’s fine.

[00:56:29] CHRIS: I’ll tell you this. Here’s a story, you’ll like. I mean, if you’re following my wife on Instagram to see pictures of Cal, you’ll like this story.

[00:56:37] CALLER: [laughing] Yeah. Tell me, tell me.

[00:56:38] CHRIS: So we took this birthing class. And a couple of months ago before all this stuff started, you know, all the babies had been born and everybody was through those first few months where it’s really hard. And we said, let’s have a reunion, everybody from the class get back together. We’ll all meet each other’s babies. And we did. We went to this place in Williamsburg. It was really adorable. And we got there, we weren’t the last couple there, but we were one of the last ones. So most of the babies were already crawling around. So we take Cal’s little coat off and we put him down and he immediately crawls right into the center like he’s Mr. Spotlight. And then he looks around –

[00:57:25] CALLER: He’s the star of the show.  

[00:57:26] CHRIS: He knows he’s the star of the show. He sees a little baby girl eating a cracker. And with such a sense of confidence, he crawls right over to her, reaches up, removes the cracker from her mouth and eats it while making eye contact with her as she sits in confusion. It was wild. 

[00:57:51] CALLER: Right out of her mouth? 

[00:57:53] CHRIS: Out, took food out of another child’s mouth and ate it as a form – as like a sign of dominance. And Hallie’s friend is the one who said hey – Hallie’s friend was pregnant too – said, ‘hey we should take this class together.’ Hallie’s friend’s so cool. We didn’t know anybody else in the class beforehand. Hallie’s friend who’s so funny, her friend Shira, just leans over to me. Hallie wasn’t there at the time. I don’t know if she had stepped away to use the facilities or was talking to somebody else. And Shira just leans over to me and goes, ‘can you imagine if you and Hallie have a kid who’s the bully?’ And I was like oh, my God. Oh, my God. What a thought! But I just watched him take literally, take food out of another person’s mouth and eat it and then stare them down.

[00:58:44] CALLER: [laughing] Okay. But in reality Chris, you know there is no possible way that you’re going to raise someone who is a bully. Like, that’s not going to happen. We know this already.

[00:58:53] CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, I’ve gone on record and said –

[00:58:55] CALLER: With you and Hallie. 

[00:58:57] CHRIS: Oh, my God. Can you imagine if we’re just sitting there?

[00:59:00] CALLER: No, but like – okay. I don’t know. Like I said, I literally don’t know what I’m talking about. But don’t bullies generally…like, the reason they’re bullies is because usually they are in a powerless situation where they are being victimized in some way, you know? Is that not how bullies are created somehow?

[00:59:18] CHRIS: I’ve always heard that too! I’ve heard that, too. But then I’m watching this kid steal food. 

[00:59:28] CALLER: He’s just a baby. 

[00:59:29] CHRIS: I know. He’s just a baby being a baby. I got to remind myself. I gotta remind myself, he’s just a baby being a baby. 

[00:59:36] CALLER: Yeah, all he said was ‘ooohh a cracker. I want that cracker.’ He didn’t notice that it was already in someone else’s mouth. Like, that’s all.

[00:59:44] CHRIS: Now, how soon after we hang up are you gonna get high?

[00:59:50] CALLER: OK hmm. So I’m feeling pretty good in my stomach today. That’s the thing. So I’m trying, I’m going to try to be good. I’m gonna at least…I’m going to at least do my exercise and ask myself my quick question and tell myself my good mantra. Maybe – OK. I’m really getting frazzled right now. You’ve asked me this question and now I’m facing up to it and like, getting anxious about it. [laughing] 

[01:00:19] CHRIS: OK, I’m so sorry. Sorry to put you in that place.

[01:00:22] CALLER: That’s OK. No, it’s OK. This is the problem. This is like literally this is my challenge. This is my like, hill I have to get over in order to get to the life I want to have. So yeah, no, I – this is like, it does generate a lot of anxiety. OK, well since I’ve already – since I feel good in my stomach I will try to be good. Let’s just say that and we’ll see how far I get.

[01:00:50] CHRIS: That was a vague and non-committal answer.

[01:00:55] CALLER: Yes, it was but here’s something else. 

[01:00:57] CHRIS: Yes. Yes. What is it?

[01:00:57] CALLER: So the day – OK. So I’ve been really, really hard trying to resist buying a Switch. Like, I really want a Switch, like I’m a gamer, so I play a lot of video games. And so I was like the day that I found out that I would have to probably stop smoking weed, all my willpower for not buying a Switch was immediately gone. Like the willpower I’d been using for that was evaporated. So then I broke down. I was like, OK, if I’m not going to smoke weed, I’m going to buy a Switch. So my kind of motivation is when my Switch arrives in the mail, I’m only allowed to play it when I’m sober. So that’s another little trick I’m gonna use.

[01:01:35] CHRIS: Ooohh. You’re gonna give yourself like a Pavlovian reward for sobriety.

[01:01:42] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. So this week, Chris, I’m off the hook. If I do smoke immediately after we hang up, I don’t have to feel guilty. After I see my counselor on Thursday, after my Switch arrives next week, that’s my kind of goal of like, OK I’m gonna start buckling down. But right now I’m feeling the kind of getting the idea phase. Yeah.

[01:02:01] CHRIS: Right. Once I have something else to get addicted to, I’ll cool out on the weed. 

[01:02:06] CALLER: Yeah, exactly. You gotta replace it with something else. [laughing]

[01:02:11] CHRIS: And now, how’s the Switch work? Is that current games made for the Switch or can you play the old Nintendo classics on it?

[01:02:20] CALLER: That’s a good question. I don’t know. They probably do have like old games that you can download that they have like, put onto the Switch. But I don’t think you can play like Nintendo games on it normally. I wanted to get a normal Switch because you can play it on your TV as well as the handheld like device. But those are completely sold out and there just are literally none available in the world because they haven’t been able to produce any because of the pandemic. So I was going to wait till those were available and I would get one of those. But then I was like, no, I’m not waiting anymore. And I just got myself a Switch. So that’s what happened.

[01:02:57] CHRIS: Compromise. You got to learn how to compromise in life. 

[01:03:01] CALLER: Yeah. Yep. Give a little, take a little.

[01:03:04] CHRIS: Now, we got 30 seconds left. I just want to say this was a wonderful conversation. And I hope – I don’t hope – I know you’re gonna be healthy in a few months time. And just like you said, we’re gonna be optimistic. We’re gonna tell ourselves it’s happening and then it shall be.

[01:03:21] CALLER: Thank you so much, Chris. Oh, my gosh. I’ve been wanting so long to talk to you, and I’m so glad we got to talk at this pivotal moment in my life.

[01:03:30] CHRIS: Me too. I’m wishing you nothing but the best. Thanks for talking!

[01:03:34] CALLER: Take good care. Thank you, you too!

[01:03:42] CHRIS: [music transition] Caller, thank you so much for calling. Enjoy your Switch. Enjoy your weed while you’re still allowed to have it. And most of all, enjoy being healthy and happy moving forward. Enjoy your boyfriend. And a life free of stomach pain and big old burps. I really do wish you all those things. Not even joking. Sounded facetious, it wasn’t. Thank you so much, Joanita Flores, for all your help. Thank you to Jared O’Connell, as always. Thank you to Shellshag for the music. Hey, if you like the show, go to Apple podcasts. Rate, review, subscribe, really helps when you do. If you want to hear the whole Beautiful Anonymous back catalog, go join Stitcher Premium. Stitcherpremium.com/stories for more details. See ya next time.

[NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW]

[01:04:41] CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous. Me and a caller talk about everything I love in this world. We’re talking punk rock, comedy, pro-wrestling and true love.

[01:04:54] CHRIS: Let’s say for some unfathomable reason, you were in a situation where you could either get back together with this girl who lit such a spark in you or wrestle on wrestle mania. But you can’t do both. What do you do?

[01:05:12] CALLER: Oh, easy. Get back with the girl. 

[01:05:15] CHRIS: Wow! 

[01:05:16] CALLER: Quick answer. 

[01:05:18] CHRIS: Wow! Because we should explain, wrestling on wrestle mania is like…it’s like playing in the Super Bowl. 

[01:05:24] CALLER: Oh, yeah. 

[01:05:26] CHRIS: That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.