EP. 199 — Sasheer’s Not Trying To Get Got

 

[00:00:11] Nicole: April 5th, Sasheer. Wow. We made it through another April Fools’.

 

[00:00:20] Sasheer: Did you get fooled?

 

[00:00:21] Nicole: I didn’t get fooled. Not this year. Nobody’s getting me.

 

[00:00:27] Sasheer: Same. I’m not trying to get got.

 

[00:00:28] Nicole: I don’t want to get got at all. That’s terrible.

 

[00:00:33] Sasheer: Why did that become a holiday? To prank people?

 

[00:00:38] Nicole: Some trickster was like, “You know what would be funny? If I lied to a bunch of friends and then just said, ‘April! You’re a fool! April Fools’!’”

 

[00:00:50] Sasheer: Here’s a day where everyone can be deceitful, and it’s okay because it’s on this day.

 

[00:00:55] Nicole: It’s a precursor to the Purge. First April Fools’. Then the Purge.

 

[00:01:02] Sasheer: Light version of the Purge.

 

[00:01:05] Nicole: You just lie to people. You April Foolsed me. I think we’ve talked about it on this. Have we?

 

[00:01:11] Sasheer: And I regret it every year.

 

[00:01:14] Nicole: God. It was so fucked up.

 

[00:01:17] Sasheer: I know. It wasn’t good.

 

[00:01:18] Nicole: I was living my best life, having a nice day. I had woken up, made my way down to work. Was sitting at my work desk. Off the elevator pops my friend. I said, “Wow. I love seeing my friend. It’s a blessing.” She sits right next to me like she always does, and we start yammering on and on about, I don’t know, probably boys or something. We were in our early 20s. And then she goes, “Nicole, can I tell you something?” And I spin my chair around to her because it was on wheels. And she said, “I’m pregnant.” And I said, “Oh, wow. I’ll take you anywhere you need to go, or we will raise this baby together.” Then I went about my business. I wheeled right around back to my computer screen. I said, “That’s solved.” And then she goes, “April Fools’!” And I’ve never been angrier. Never angrier. I dedicated my life to raising an imaginary baby. I made a commitment to emotional support to maybe make this fetus go away if that was what was needed. I would have been a ride–didn’t have a car–would have taken her there, waited for her, taken her home.

 

[00:02:43] Sasheer: I’m so sorry. As you’re telling this, my stomach is in my asshole. I hate it. It wasn’t a good joke. Really bad. You were so supportive and sweet. Like, how else would you have reacted? I don’t know what I was expecting. Like, a “ha ha”? It’s not a ha ha kind of comment. I don’t know why I dropped that on you. That’s a lot.

 

[00:03:11] Nicole: It was a lot for a Saturday afternoon.

 

[00:03:16] Sasheer: Yeah.

 

[00:03:17] Nicole: I mean, in hindsight, it is pretty funny, just the whole thing. Because I was so mad.

 

[00:03:29] Sasheer: Yeah. You had such a sincere response, I was like, “Oh, wait. Oh, fuck. Oh, no, wait a minute. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this.”

 

[00:03:44] Nicole: I wish I realized it was April Fools’. I don’t know. I wish I had a different response. I wish it wasn’t so earnest.

 

[00:03:52] Sasheer: Well, because you’re my friend and you were just trying to look after me. You had the appropriate response. I was the inappropriate one who thought I could make pregnancy a joke.

 

[00:04:06] Nicole: Oh. How funny. I don’t think I’ve ever April Foolsed anybody successfully.

 

[00:04:14] Sasheer: I don’t think so either.

 

[00:04:16] Nicole: I start laughing.

 

[00:04:17] Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah. Also, I feel like your April Fools’ joke would be, like, “I’m not wearing my bra!” Something, like, really, really simple or, like, “I don’t… I guess.”

 

[00:04:32] Nicole: “Okay. I wasn’t tricked. I did nothing. Okay. They’re a little lower. Cool.”

 

[00:04:37] Sasheer: “Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t notice otherwise, so thanks for telling me.”

 

[00:04:41] Nicole: Yeah. I don’t think I could ever come up with a good April Fools’ joke.

 

[00:04:45] Sasheer: There’s no need to. There’s just isn’t a need to.

 

[00:04:49] Nicole: No, there really isn’t. Kimmie, Jordan, have you April Foolsed anybody?

 

[00:04:53] Sasheer: Oh, Jordan is nodding very confidently. What did you do?

 

[00:04:57] Jordan: It was a really long time ago. And it was a combination of my mom and I. My dad just got a new jacket, and so he was, like, about to go out. And my mom and I were like, “Oh my God, what did you do to the back of your jacket?” And he was like, “What? What happened? What?” And he was, like, completely freaking out. And we were like, “Yeah, like, did you, like, sit in paint?” And he was, like, fully freaking out. And he looks in the mirror. He’s like, “There’s nothing here!” And we were like, “April Fools’.” But it worked out really well ’cause it’s, like, nothing that’s, like, too extreme. But he was like, “Aw! You guys are mean! I thought I really destroyed this jacket. I just got it! And I was like, “How much was this jacket that you were this paranoid about it?”

 

[00:05:39] Nicole: The jacket was $10,000.

 

[00:05:43] Jordan: Yeah. It was Armani. Yeah.

 

[00:05:48] Kimmie: I would say the only prank I’ve done… It wasn’t April Fools’ specific, but the best prank that I like that we ever did is my sister and I bought, like, one of those huge Christmas inflatable things you put on your lawn. Like, it’s six by ten. And we would put it in our friend’s bedrooms. Just plug it in, and it inflates. And so, they would open their door, and they would just have a giant penguin in their bedroom. And I was like, “No one got hurt. Everyone gets to laugh at a penguin. This is a great time.”

 

[00:06:15] Sasheer: That’s a good prank.

 

[00:06:17] Kimmie: Thank you. Were really cute in high school. It was very, like, 1950s.

 

[00:06:19] Nicole: That’s cute. I got got again. I have a chili pepper that says “Muy Caliente” on my butt as a tattoo. And I went to school with a man from maybe Brazil. I don’t know. He’s from somewhere in South America, maybe Ecuador. I don’t remember. But I was, like, showing off my tattoo and he was like, “Oh man. They spelt that wrong.” And I was like, “What?” They’re like, “‘Caliente’ is spelt incorrectly.” And I was like, “Oh no.” And he let me believe that for, like, an hour. And then he was like, “I’m just kidding.” I get got so easily.

 

[00:07:01] Sasheer: It is very funny.

 

[00:07:03] Nicole: But why? Why am I so earnest and genuine and I just believe people?

 

[00:07:11] Sasheer: I mean, that is a good way of living–to, you know, hope for the good in people.

 

[00:07:19] Nicole: Just trust people at their word? I guess. There was a man at the airport. He said he had Asperger’s, which I don’t think is a term we use anymore. But it was his diagnosis, not mine. And he was like, “I was late to the airport, and I have to get money for a hotel. Does anyone have money?” So, I give him a bunch of money. And then I was telling the story to you and Matteo. Matteo was like, “You got, got.” But, like, that’s a pretty expensive scam you’re running because you got to get into the airport. But yeah, it worked. He got money out of me. I hope he was telling the truth. Otherwise, I got got again. Where is that juice from?

 

[00:08:04] Sasheer: Wild Oak.

 

[00:08:05] Nicole: Oh. And that’s by your house?

 

[00:08:08] Sasheer: It’s by my house.

 

[00:08:09] Nicole: Oh, that’s nice. But I got to see my favorite car last night. It was right in front of me when I was getting off the highway. It’s, like, a Volkswagen Golf pickup truck that I think they only sold in Mexico. They didn’t sell it here. And it lives a couple streets down from me. So sometimes I see it when I go get my nails done, but I’ve never seen it in action. It’s the dumbest looking car, and I love it so much. It’s cherry red. Oh my God, I was so excited. The pictures that I took last night are very blurry.

 

[00:08:45] Sasheer: It’s a pickup truck?

 

[00:08:47] Nicole: It is a Volkswagen Golf. Do you know what those look like?

 

[00:08:51] Sasheer: Uh-uh.

 

[00:08:51] Nicole: Okay. A Volkswagen Golf is, like, a tiny little hatchback. But instead of it being a hatchback, it’s a truck. A Volkswagen Golf. Yeah. Okay. So, you see that short one? Yes. And I love it. It looks so silly. And I squeal every time I see it. See, I was trying to figure it out. This one’s built. The one that you found, Kimmie, someone built that here and, like, cut half of the Golf off. But the one I’ve been seeing, I think, was sold in Mexico. And then someone drove it up here. I love them so much. They’re so dumb looking!

 

[00:09:39] Sasheer: It’s, like, confusing my brain.

 

[00:09:41] Nicole: Yes. And I–when I first saw it–screamed and then circled the block to see it again. I love cars. Oh my God. I’m pure and innocent and childlike.

 

[00:09:58] Sasheer: You sure are.

 

[00:09:59] Nicole: Oh my God! Am I an angel on earth?

 

[00:10:03] Sasheer: You’re a little cherub.

 

[00:10:05] Nicole: I am a little cherub. Ugh. Everyone’s wearing sweatshirts right now on this Zoom. And I’m wearing a tank top, and I’m freezing.

 

[00:10:15] Sasheer: Well, yeah, of course. Are you hot?

 

[00:10:18] Nicole: No.

 

[00:10:19] Sasheer: Just didn’t choose to put more clothes on.

 

[00:10:21] Nicole: Well, I woke up, and then I changed out of my jammies into leggings and a tank top. And then I was like, “I don’t need a sweatshirt.” It’s spring. It’s spring. It’s spring. And it’s not. And it won’t be spring here. And I don’t understand why it keeps raining. Today is sunny, though.

 

[00:10:41] Sasheer: It is sunny out. I was just thinking this.

 

[00:10:43] Nicole: That’s nice. I like the sun.

 

[00:10:47] Sasheer: I like the sun, too.

 

[00:10:47] Nicole: I can’t believe you missed the rain. You have to move back. You brought the sun. You are sunshine, Sasheer.

 

[00:10:57] Sasheer: I guess. Thank goodness it’s sunny. It’s still pretty chilly. But yeah. I finally came back to LA, and LA was welcoming me. Also, my suitcase was the first one out at baggage claim, and I was like, “What a day!”

 

[00:11:14] Nicole: Wow. A Diamond Diva living her best life. Did you bring your suitcase home to switch out clothes?

 

[00:11:22] Sasheer: Yeah, ’cause I have a bunch of, like, sweaters and stuff that I brought to Georgia. And it’s starting to get warmer, even though it’s, like, warmer and colder. Someone found a poster of, like, “The 12 Seasons of Georgia,” where it’s like, “Fall. Winter. False Winter. Rainy Winter. A Little Bit of Spring. Third Winter.” And then, like, “The pollening,” where there’s, like, pollen everywhere. So, I think we’re leaving the third winter and going into the pollening or something like that. But I don’t need all the sweaters that I have. And I brought some books that I’m never going to read. I just am not going to read them. So, I don’t have to have them with me.

 

[00:12:13] Nicole: Yeah. It’s tough to read a book. I really want to read this book. It’s Bret Easton Ellis. It’s his newest book. I can’t remember the name of it. But it’s, like, real thick. And I was like, “Well, this isn’t going to do in my suitcase. This is thick. A shirt to go in its place.” And I keep looking at the book, being like, “I’m going to read this.” And then I finally moved it away from my bed because I’m not going to read it and put it on the bookshelf.

 

[00:12:40] Sasheer: But you actually do read more than I do, I think.

 

[00:12:44] Nicole: Yeah. I’m halfway through a book right now. And for whatever reason my brain won’t be like, “Hey, pick it up and finish it.” It’s that book I started in the Bahamas–in that in that island nation that loves me so much. Wait, Jordan, you raised your hand. What were you going to say?

 

[00:13:02] Jordan: I know. I was going to ask you because I keep seeing it on TikTok More and more. I wanted to know both of your stances on, like, would you ever use a Kindle?

 

[00:13:13] Nicole: No.

 

[00:13:13] Jordan: Okay.

 

[00:13:15] Sasheer: I think I tried to. And for some reason my eyes don’t associate screens with leisurely reading.

 

[00:13:27] Nicole: Samesies. And I just don’t really like the name Kindle.

 

[00:13:35] Jordan: Well, it’s just those who travel a lot were like, “It’s a lot easier just, like, to take this one piece. In that way you’re not, like, having, like, a ton of books.” I’m like, “I get that aspect, but I like the feel of books.”

 

[00:13:47] Nicole: I like a feel of a book, too. And I like the smell of paper.

 

[00:13:51] Sasheer: I think I also like to physically see how much more I have of the book. Like, I know there’s, like, numbers on the screen on a Kindle. But I like to see, like, “Oh, I only have this much left.”

 

[00:14:03] Nicole: And I like to skip ahead sometimes and then read a little bit of a chapter coming up, so I go, “Ooh. Juicy.” And then I’ll go back and get there and be like, “I can’t believe that’s how we got there!”

 

[00:14:20] Sasheer: Real choose your adventure.

 

[00:14:21] Nicole: Kind of. And then sometimes I’ll read ahead and be like, “Oh, I don’t think I’m into where this is going. Goodbye.” I used to love Christopher Pike books. Do you know Christopher Pike? He was like the bootleg R.L. Stine. There was Fear Street, and then there was, like, Christopher Pike and his, like, vampire stories. And he had this one about, like, the first vampire. And she was this, like, blond, hot lady that had sex and hated men and, like, pushed them off cliffs.

 

[00:14:52] Sasheer: Oh, boy.

 

[00:14:54] Nicole: And I remember being, like, a pre-teen and being like, “She’s so cool.” Wait, Kimmie, can you look at that book? It’s Christopher Pike, and it’s about the first lady vampire. Oh, what is that series called? What books did you read in your youth, Sasheer?

 

[00:15:10] Sasheer: I did read Fear Street. I did like that series. I think a little bit of Goosebumps, too.

 

[00:15:16] Nicole: I liked Goosebumps until I was like, “I’m too old for Goosebumps.” Fear Street’s where it’s at.

 

[00:15:26] Sasheer: Yes, then you can graduate to a little bit of a more adult version.

 

[00:15:30] Nicole: Yeah, that’s what it was called. The Last Vampire. And it was, like, present day. But then you’d go back in time to when she was, like, I don’t know, an elder or something. They should turn this to a movie. Who’s listening? Hello, Hollywood.

 

[00:15:45] Sasheer: Hello, Hollywood.

 

[00:16:00] Nicole: Wait. Let’s play Kimmie’s new game. Zillow for a Dillow. I don’t know. What do you want to call it?

 

[00:16:10] Kimmie: All I came up with was the “very clever” Would You Rather: Zillow Edition. But Zillow for a Dillow also sounds very fun to me. I’m sure Jordan could make it sound even better.

 

[00:16:20] Nicole: It doesn’t quite make sense.

 

[00:16:23] Sasheer: Zillow or No Dillow.

 

[00:16:25] Nicole: Yeah. Zillow or No Dillow! I love Zillow. As an adult who has a dwelling to live in, I’m constantly on Zillow looking at other dwellings that I’ll never live in.

 

[00:16:42] Sasheer: Yeah, but maybe it’s nice to see ideas of things you can change in your home.

 

[00:16:50] Kimmie: So, the way this works is I’m going to show you guys two different sales pages. As we go through, feel free to ask to see things more clearly and describe kind of the general vibe. It doesn’t have to be super specific. And then at the end, you’re going to decide–if you had to live in one–which one would you live in? And here’s the first one. In Ann Arbor, Michigan.

 

[00:17:11] Sasheer: Ann Arbor, Michigan. $315,000. “Dreams do come true. Who needs the Barbie dream house when you can have a maintenance-free Barbie dream condo!”

 

[00:17:22] Nicole: The outside is rather unassuming. And the interesting thing about this is I didn’t know houses were condos. I thought condos were only apartments. This is a free standing condo.

 

[00:17:39] Sasheer: Yeah, I guess I didn’t know that either.

 

[00:17:41] Jordan: I think it comes down to… My uncle used to live in kind of a complex that’s similar to this. It was truly a house. It was very large inside, but the houses all looked the same. And everyone kind of had, like, a shared parking arrangement. He would be, like, 291 and 292 for parking spaces. So, like, it’s kind of, like, a condo community. But you can have, like, your own free standing spot. So, some condo complexes are a little bit different throughout the U.S.

 

[00:18:13] Kimmie: I’ll also add, I think it has to do with if you own the land underneath the house. You can own the structure. But I think for condos, you own the structure if you don’t own the land. And so, it makes interest in rent. So, I think that’s the other technicality.

 

[00:18:26] Nicole: Wait. That’s a while. So, I own the house, but not the land. So, if I really wanted to, I could dig up my house and move it somewhere else.

 

[00:18:37] Kimmie: I think there may be something to that. I live in a condo, so I think that’s how it works. But it could be different.

 

[00:18:44] Nicole: Interesting.

 

[00:18:45] Jordan: Kimmie, can you zoom in on the picture on the wall of the gentleman eating? That just looks like a very fun painting.

 

[00:18:56] Sasheer: Is he eating spaghetti?

 

[00:18:58] Nicole: It looks like he’s eating spaghetti.

 

[00:19:00] Sasheer: And then there’s, like, a pile of hamburgers next to him?

 

[00:19:02] Nicole: I mean, sounds like a good time. I love hamburgers. Well, the front is unassuming. It’s brick with, like–I don’t know–something. And then you go in. And in the front door, there’s, like, a black rug and then a leopard print…

 

[00:19:23] Sasheer: Couch?

 

[00:19:24] Nicole: Yeah, but I think it’s, like, draped over. I don’t know if it’s an actual leopard print couch.

 

[00:19:32] Sasheer: It’s red walls. Black curtains. Statue of, like, a black dog.

 

[00:19:38] Nicole: Yeah, a black dog. There’s a bust. There’s a sarcophagus–a tomb cover–on the fireplace on the other side, which is very funny to me. And then there’s a picture of the house above it. A picture of the outside of the house.

 

[00:19:55] Sasheer: Oh, yes. Yep.

 

[00:19:58] Nicole: This is so funny. A lot of, like, Egyptian–

 

[00:20:02] Sasheer: Yeah. Egyptian royalty stuff. Leopard print. Lots of leopard. There are leopard eyes. Okay. And now we’re in the dining room, I think. It’s very pink.

 

[00:20:17] Nicole: Very, very, very pink, like, royal looking curtains. There’s a real chandelier. There’s a medallion holding the chandelier. Lots of ornate mirror frames.

 

[00:20:38] Sasheer: Oh, okay. And this is a kitchen that is also… I actually really like this kitchen.

 

[00:20:43] Nicole: I love this kitchen.

 

[00:20:44] Sasheer: Really Pink. There’s, like, powder pink on the fridge and the cabinets. And it’s got some, like, gold detail on the, like, inside of the cabinets and on the corner of the fridge. A gold dishwasher.

 

[00:21:00] Nicole: Gold keys on the walls. There’s another chandelier thingy hanging from the light fixtures over the sink.

 

[00:21:12] Jordan: There’s a leopard print dish mat.

 

[00:21:15] Nicole: Yeah. This is the perfect house. I love this house so much.

 

[00:21:19] Sasheer: It does feel like a different person took a turn decorating each room. Okay, now we’re in a Valentine’s Day bathroom.

 

[00:21:30] Nicole: Lot of hearts. And then this toilet has a seat cover. Can you even?

 

[00:21:36] Sasheer: It’s got a little skirt.

 

[00:21:38] Nicole: A little, little doily skirt. And then this bedroom has a pillow that says, “Call Me Juicy.”

 

[00:21:47] Sasheer: And one of those pink canopy sheer curtain things over the bed.

 

[00:21:53] Nicole: I really like that the makeup counter or, like, makeup desk is a piece of glass over two columns.

 

[00:22:00] Sasheer: Yes, it is. Is that a mirror on the ceiling?

 

[00:22:03] Kimmie: That is a mirror on the ceiling.

 

[00:22:04] Nicole: Yeah. I think it’s so you can watch things happen.

 

[00:22:08] Sasheer: Okay. In the closet, lots of pink stuff. Why do they show the closets full? If we buy the house, we’re not going to take the stuff with it. This person loves Juicy. There’s so many Juicy purses.

 

[00:22:24] Nicole: It’s pretty wild. Like, who would have thought?

 

[00:22:28] Sasheer: Who would have thought?

 

[00:22:30] Nicole: And then the bathroom is fun. Oh my God.

 

[00:22:34] Sasheer: There’s some frilly grandma shower curtains.

 

[00:22:38] Nicole: And then this person, I think, is an influencer because they have a ring light, a mannequin, and a little shooting set up. I like that that’s in the listing. They have a shoe chair. I want a shoe chair so bad. They’re so ugly. And then a normal bathroom and just a bust. And then they have a whole makeup room with leopard print carpet and pink, stripey walls.

 

[00:23:10] Sasheer: This also looks like a salon.

 

[00:23:12] Nicole: It does look like a salon. Also, there’s a life-sized birthday cake? And another shoe chair.

 

[00:23:20] Sasheer: Do you think they just pop out of that birthday cake?

 

[00:23:21] Nicole: I hope so. Just on Friday nights, when they’re home alone.

 

[00:23:28] Sasheer: Washer/dryer. Nothing’s happening in the backyard at all.

 

[00:23:32] Nicole: Not one thing. How funny.

 

[00:23:35] Sasheer: They really wanted to keep all their fabulousness a secret.

 

[00:23:38] Nicole: To themselves. Oh, it’s not freestanding. It’s attached on the back.

 

[00:23:43] Sasheer: I see. Interesting.

 

[00:23:46] Kimmie: And this one is in Colorado. House number two.

 

[00:23:50] Sasheer: Four-bedroom. Four-bath. A million dollars.

 

[00:23:56] Nicole: $1 million. This is wild.

 

[00:23:58] Sasheer: In Colorado?

 

[00:24:04] Nicole: Okay, the outside is stone and then vinyl siding. And then I don’t know what kind of roof that is. Shingles?

 

[00:24:12] Sasheer: Yeah, shingles. Inside is very gray. Gray, leather couch.

 

[00:24:22] Nicole: A white, fluffy rug.

 

[00:24:25] Sasheer: Some sort of, like, modern glass coffee table.

 

[00:24:29] Nicole: The floors are too shiny. I don’t know what happened to them. I don’t know if they’re wood or vinyl or whatever. Yeah, they’re nasty to me. But the dining table is also nasty to me. And then they have purple chairs and then a purple carpet with, like, circles and squares on it. That’s nasty to me.

 

[00:24:52] Sasheer: “Nasty to me.” Stools with purple covers. And the kitchen is just, like, pretty standard.

 

[00:25:02] Nicole: Nasty to me.

 

[00:25:02] Sasheer: Nasty to me. Marble top. Or not marble, but whatever that fake countertop is.

 

[00:25:09] Nicole: Ugh. This bedroom has this nasty gray carpet. The bed does have a purple comforter that I’m like, chill with. There’s purple curtains. But this, again, is nasty to me.

 

[00:25:23] Sasheer: It doesn’t look like a human lives here. Like, it looks like no one set it up. And maybe they did. But it looks like hotel furniture.

 

[00:25:35] Nicole: This bathroom is nasty to me. It’s just gray. Everything’s gray. It’s nasty. This is all gray and nasty.

 

[00:25:49] Sasheer: Is that a Disney Mickey Mouse head cut out of the wall to, like, go to the next–

 

[00:25:59] Nicole: Oh no! It’s a giant Mickey Mouse head that you can walk through and go to their own gray Disneyland. Ew! There’s dwarves painted on the wall. A quote from Walt Disney. There is that little creature from…

 

[00:26:18] Sasheer: Lilo and Stitch.

 

[00:26:19] Nicole: Yeah.

 

[00:26:20] Sasheer: It’s a lot of Disney memorabilia–like figurines and stuffed animals and things–on the wall. And it keeps going.

 

[00:26:33] Nicole: It’s their guest room! “Be our guest”? And the door says, “Once Upon a Time.” And it’s got a, I think, mermaid handle on the other side. Ew.

 

[00:26:47] Sasheer: Wow. They’ve really buried the lead.

 

[00:26:50] Kimmie: Do you see that tiny detail at the bottom?

 

[00:26:52] Nicole: No. Who’s that?

 

[00:26:53] Kimmie: Those are those two little mice from Cinderella holding a key to let you into the room.

 

[00:26:58] Sasheer: Gross.

 

[00:26:58] Nicole: Yuck, yuck, yuck. I would never stay here. I would say, “I have to go to a hotel.” This is nasty. You get in the room, and it’s like Belle’s dress is the comforter and Woody staring at you and Dumbo’s fucking flying and then you got them frozen bitches. I hate this.

 

[00:27:17] Sasheer: Is this, like, their guest room? Like, when guests come over, are they like, “Please, stay in our Disney lair?”

 

[00:27:26] Nicole: With no windows. There’s a Disney fucking bathroom where Mickey’s feet are… Ew. The showers have… Oh.

 

[00:27:37] Sasheer: There’s a Mickey Mouse head– Mirror Mickey Mouse head… Back… Rug. What? Yeah, there’s, like, Mickey’s shoes coming out of something. I don’t–

 

[00:27:46] Nicole: And I think the shower curtain is supposed to be, like, Mickey’s body or something. And then his head– I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to hide behind– I don’t understand this. I hate it. Here’s outside–just back to fucking gray shit. This house is nasty.

 

[00:28:02] Sasheer: It was a really boring house until you go downstairs and it’s Disneyworld.

 

[00:28:09] Nicole: Imagine spending that much money to have a Disney Mickey Mouse head walk out of your wall. Just disgusting.

 

[00:28:17] Sasheer: Oh no.

 

[00:28:25] Kimmie: All right, guys. House one or house two?

 

[00:28:26] Nicole: House one! Are you kidding?

 

[00:28:28] Sasheer: House one. Yeah.

 

[00:28:30] Nicole:  I would be so upset to just know that that was down there in a house that I bought. Like, what creepy shit went down? I don’t know. Not to be rude, but Disney adults are very interesting people to me.

 

[00:28:49] Sasheer: Yeah. It’s interesting. I like Disney, but I don’t want part of my house dedicated to it.

 

[00:28:55] Nicole: Are you a Disney adult?

 

[00:28:57] Sasheer: What are the qualifications for a Disney adult?

 

[00:29:00] Nicole: You love Disney World and Land. And you’re so excited to go buy your ears. And you got to eat a bunch of stuff from different places. You gotta get on all the rides that you like.

 

[00:29:16] Sasheer: You better be careful. You’re going to get a bunch of hate.

 

[00:29:20] Nicole: Yeah, the Bahamas will hate me and Disney adults. My two demographics that I love.

 

[00:29:28] Sasheer: I mean, I do enjoy going to the park. I haven’t been in a very long time, but, yeah, I guess I wouldn’t call myself a Disney adult.

 

[00:29:37] Nicole: Okay. I guess there’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t want to yuck someone’s yum. I think that’s a term I can use. Wait. Should we help people? Is it time for that?

 

[00:30:01] Sasheer: Is it time to help people?

 

[00:30:02] Nicole: It’s time to help the people. The people–they need help.

 

[00:30:09] Jordan: It’d be funny if it was all just Disney adult questions.

 

[00:30:15] Sasheer: “I’m trying to propose to my girlfriend, and I want to take her to Disney…”

 

[00:30:21] Caller #1: Hi, Nicole, Sasheer, Kimmie, and Jordan. I’m so sorry. I took mushrooms and decided it was a good idea to call. Here’s the thing. I just don’t know if I’m being a bitch, but I have a question about a friend that I made. We did, like, one of those apps–Bumble BFF–we met on that. And then her and her husband met me and my husband. And they were fine. We get along. And I just want to preface this by saying they’re perfectly nice, normal people. There’s no, like, weird gotcha at the end of this. It’s just we tried to hang out with them a couple of times and it’s not really clicking. And I don’t know if it’s mutual, but I know–at least for me and my husband–we’re just not vibing with them. We went over to their house yesterday. And Sasheer, I know you love a chair, okay? We didn’t sit the entire time we were there. And I’ll be very clear, this is not like a… Oh, what’s the word? It’s not like a religious thing. We’re all white. It’s all coming off white. Like, it’s not cultural. There’s nothing cultural about it. But we just stood the entire time. We stood when we were eating, and we stood while we were playing games. We just stood the whole time, and they never offered us a chair. And I just felt uncomfortable to ask, “Is there a reason that we’re not sitting down? I don’t get this” But I think the question is just that it’s not clicking–we’re not clicking–I don’t know how to break up with them because they’re very, very nice people. They haven’t overtly done anything wrong. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. And I’m probably going to hurt someone’s feelings. But it feels like a chore to hang out with them. I don’t look forward to it. And I just don’t know if I should just… It happened so infrequently that should I just suffer because it’s infrequent and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings? Or should I–? I don’t know. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I took mushrooms and decided to do this, but I was really curious about what you guys think. I appreciate your opinion when I hear it. And I also really value your friendship–what I hear from it anyway. Yeah, I just wanted to know what your thoughts were on that and how to easily let someone down or if I shouldn’t let them down–if I should just kind of keep going on with that because it’s not, like, the worst thing in the world. But we definitely don’t have a good time hanging out with them. But, you know, any thoughts would be really appreciated. I’m so sorry I called you while I was on mushrooms. You guys have a beautiful, blessed day. You’re all made of sunshine. Thank you so much.

 

[00:33:12] Sasheer: “You’re all made of sunshine.” She was on mushrooms.

 

[00:33:15] Nicole: I like it. I think everyone should call on mushrooms. I’m kidding. So funny–“They didn’t offer a seat, and we just stood there.”

 

[00:33:23] Sasheer: Yeah. I’m curious. I want to know more about that. Is it like they had chairs and they didn’t offer a seat or there were just no seat options?

 

[00:33:33] Nicole: I feel like it was like they had chairs, but nobody offered to sit, so everyone just stood there, which is crazy to me. Whenever people come to my home, I go, “Please sit!”

 

[00:33:44] Sasheer: “Let’s sit immediately.” Yeah.

 

[00:33:47] Nicole: “Let’s sit immediately. Walk in and sit right down.”

 

[00:33:54] Sasheer: “Hi. Sit.” But I mean, I can’t imagine all that stuff standing.

 

[00:33:57] Nicole: Yeah, it seems weird. I think you don’t have to hang out with these people anymore if you don’t want to. Just be busy.

 

[00:34:05] Sasheer: Yeah, I was going to say just be suddenly busy.

 

[00:34:10] Nicole: Yeah, ’cause nobody needs to know that you’re, like, not ever trying to hang out with them ever again. Just always be busy.

 

[00:34:17] Sasheer: Yeah. Especially if it’s, like, a new friend that you met online, it’s not like you have to see this person. It’s not a coworker or someone in the friend group you’re already in. It’s a stranger–kind of.

 

[00:34:28] Nicole: Yeah. You don’t owe them anything. Be busy. A.B.B. Always be busy.

 

[00:34:41] Sasheer: Yeah. But good for you for trying to make a friend.

 

[00:34:43] Nicole: I applaud you, too. It is hard. It’s hard to make new friends, and I applaud. But this is not the friend for you.

 

[00:34:51] Sasheer: Yeah, or you could blame it on your husband. Be like, “Look, he doesn’t like your husband.”

 

[00:34:56] Nicole: Yeah. “My husband hates your husband. He’s stinky and rotten. I can’t believe it. And that means we can’t even hang out together. My husband won’t allow it.” Yeah, just make your husband sound really abusive.

 

[00:35:08] Sasheer: “He won’t allow it. Help me.”

 

[00:35:13] Nicole: “Help! I’m trapped in my Disney basement. I can’t get out!”

 

[00:35:18] Sasheer: Solved.

 

[00:35:19] Nicole: Solved.

 

[00:35:20] Caller #2: Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Love you both. Thank you for making me laugh out loud in very inappropriate places all of the time. I am calling with a dilemmy for lack of a better term. My long-term BFF of nearly 15 years is going through a really rough time right now. She’s currently between jobs. She’s suffering from pandemic related burnout. She’s really just not having a good time. We’ve been friends for over 15 years, and we’re each other’s confidante and companion. What’s really hard is to be there for her, as she does for me. I recently started dating somebody after a long term, very unhappy relationship ended over the summer. And at first, my bestie was encouraging. She was eager to live vicariously through me because she’s been in a decade-long relationship herself. And she really loved to hear about my new partner. And then the other night, that partner came over for a few hours, I was away from my phone, and once he left for the evening, my bestie texted me this paragraph saying she was very hurt that I ghost her whenever my partner is around. “You completely disappear every time and then barely talk to me or respond in return afterwards or after work. I know I struggle with this when my mental health gets bad, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite. But this is how I feel.” And my response is just question marks. Like, without oversharing, I work two jobs. My commute is solely by foot. I’m a very, very busy person with very few spoons to give as is. My question isn’t really how to deal with what she said in that text because that’s a doozy in and of itself. So, her and I have danced around this for, like, a week now. We’ve acknowledged it, but we’ve never addressed it because I really feel like I have nothing to apologize for. But the thing is, I know she’s already in an incredibly fragile mental state right now, and the last thing I want to do is turn that into a larger issue on top of her shit Sunday. So, my question is: How do you go about telling a friend they’re in the wrong when they’re already down? Is that something you can even do? Your help is greatly appreciated. Love you both. Thanks for the laughs. Have a good one.

 

[00:37:37] Sasheer: I actually don’t think either of them are in the wrong. I feel like good on that friend for being honest and saying how they feel and being like, “Hey, I’m feeling neglected. They miss you. That’s why they’re saying anything at all.” And you’re not wrong to want to prioritize the person who’s in front of you when they’re in front of you. Like, even if it wasn’t your partner, if you had a different friend in your house and you’re hanging out with them, you wouldn’t want to be on the phone with this best friend because you’re currently entertaining somebody else. So, I don’t think either party is wrong. I think maybe more communication could happen. Maybe you could be like, “My person is coming over. Can I call you later tonight? Or, like, can I check in with you tomorrow? But, like, I plan on hanging out with said person for whatever.” And, you know, it’s not like asking permission. It’s not like keeping tabs on each other. But it’s just trying to keep the flow of communication open because then maybe your friend will share, like, “Okay, these are moments where I feel needy or I feel like I need more attention.” And I don’t know what those moments are. It could be after work or on the weekend or whatever. But, like, maybe you can compromise, where it’s like, “Okay, I’ll try to call you after work before my person comes over. And then I’ll spend the whole night with my new person. And hopefully everybody can feel a little tended to. But do you understand this is a new relationship and I might be MIA sometimes and I’m not on call as I used to be?” But I think there’s a way that both of you can feel heard and still appreciated in the relationship.

 

[00:39:24] Nicole: Yeah. I don’t have too much to add. I think that’s a really good idea–just to let your friend know when you’re hanging out with your person–just to be like, “Hey, I might not be available right now because I am hanging with, you know, the person that I like. But that doesn’t mean you’re any less important to me. So, you can reach out and I’ll get back to you when I can. And I will try to be prompt with it.” Yeah, I think just assuring the friend that you’re not going anywhere might be all they’re looking for.

 

[00:40:00] Sasheer: Yeah, definitely.

 

[00:40:03] Nicole: Especially if they’re not used to them dating somebody. They might be like, “Oh no! At first, I wanted to live through you because I haven’t been in a new relationship in a long time. But now it just feels like you’re leaving me. And now I’m scared. And now I have to tell you that I feel like you’re ghosting me.” And it’s like, “Well, I’m not ghosting you. I’m still here.” Yeah, people just sometimes need reassurance. Sometimes us needy people just need to know that no one’s leaving.

 

[00:40:29] Sasheer: Yeah. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a change in behavior. So, everyone just needs, like, a little check-in, which I think is normal.

 

[00:40:38] Nicole: Just a little check-in. Just a little check-in.

 

[00:40:44] Sasheer: Solved! One more!

 

[00:40:45] Nicole: Give us one more, Kimmie!

 

[00:40:50] Caller #3: Hi, my name is Miranda. My pronouns are she/her. Sasheer and Nicole, I love your podcast and listen to it and look forward to it every single week. You make me laugh, you make me feel empathy, you bring common humanity to this experience of friendship, and I appreciate you. My question is: How do you deal with a friend who pathologically lies? Like, there’s no social gain from the lying. It’s not like this person is lying to protect someone’s feelings–like a little white lie–like, “Oh, that looks great on you.” Like, it’s not like that kind of lie, you know, protecting people’s feelings. It’s like whole narratives are crafted and details are thrown in. And you can kind of tell that details are being made up on the spot. And it’s clear that it’s not– It just doesn’t seem truthful because of how often this person is painted as either the victim or the hero or the person who was vindicated or the person who, like, you know, everything was resolved in their favor or whatever and congratulating or whatever. Just to make her look better–that’s what my friend is doing. And it didn’t come to a head until she told a story that involved a mutual between my brother and her. And the story that she told wasn’t true. I knew it wasn’t true because I already knew all of the details of it. And instead of calling her out because I didn’t think it would go well, I started asking clarifying questions because people who don’t tell truths hate clarifying questions. And so, you know, she responded with some truths–some obviously just lying a little bit. But here’s my question. Is it okay to stop hanging out with somebody who does this? Like, it’s harmless. Like, ultimately, it’s harmless. This person is super nice. I love her as a friend. Otherwise, it’s just… “Why do you do this?” And is it me? Why do I tolerate this? Also, is it disrespect? Am I being nice at the cost of my own self-respect? Like, what’s going on here? And what do I do? Is it right for me to want to distance myself from this friend just for this behavior that happens all the time? Should I be direct with her about it? What do you think?

 

[00:43:28] Nicole: This one’s a hard one.

 

[00:43:30] Sasheer: I think it’s safe to distance yourself from people like that.

 

[00:43:33] Nicole: I guess. But if it’s, like, harmless little lies? I have a friend who exaggerates everything all the time, and I’ve just learned that, I think, she just wants her life to be more exciting than it is. And it is harmless. And I love her very much. So, I’m just like, “Meh. That’s fine.” And I don’t, like, correct her on things because she’ll retell stories of things that I’ve been there for, and they’ll be more fantastical than I remember happening. And I just go, “Okay.” Sometimes people embellish because they actually think that’s how it happened. You know how, like, every story has the truth, my side, your side? Very recently I was telling you about somebody I don’t like. And I was like, “Listen! Listen to this text message they sent.” And then I read it and I went, “Actually, that’s not that bad.” And you’re like, “Yeah, I was about to say.” My brain skewed it–because I don’t like that person–that this was an awful text. Sometimes I feel like when people tell stories, their stories are skewed by how they perceive things. But if it’s outright lying and, like, you hate it, then you don’t have to talk to them. But I think sometimes things like, “Is this person actually lying or do you just not like them?” Do you know what I mean?

 

[00:44:56] Sasheer: Maybe. I mean, from this person’s call, it sounds like it was full narratives that were being created, not little embellishments. And then also one that involved her brother.

 

[00:45:07] Nicole: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Oh boy, I’m really taking up for this liar.

 

[00:45:12] Sasheer: Yeah. I was like, “Were you listening?”

 

[00:45:16] Nicole: “Just let them tell stories. Maybe they want to write a book. Support them!”

 

[00:45:20] Sasheer: “Just let their life be more fun!”

 

[00:45:22] Nicole: No, it really sounds like I’m trying to get my agenda out. Anyway, yeah, don’t be their friend.

 

[00:45:30] Sasheer: Yeah, I guess if people are doing, like, harmless embellishments, it’s not crazy. And also, some people genuinely misremember stuff. I personally have not encountered pathological liars. I know people who do have people like that in their lives. And I think it’s best to just be like, “This can be a sometimes friend. We can brunch. We can be chill.” But I don’t think you should trust this person with, like, big parts of your life because–I don’t know–it’s scary because they don’t know they’re doing it. Sometimes there’s zero reason for why they’re doing it.

 

[00:46:21] Nicole: Do you think pathological liars don’t know they’re lying, or do they know they’re lying?

 

[00:46:26] Sasheer:  I think they don’t.

 

[00:46:29] Nicole: Dang. That must be wild. What a wild way to live!

 

[00:46:33] Sasheer: I know. I mean, there are liars who try to be opportunists and get something out of it. But some people who just lie just cause… I don’t understand that.

 

[00:46:44] Nicole: Me either.

 

[00:46:47] Sasheer:  And then–I don’t know–I guess you could confront this person. But, like, what would the result be?

 

[00:46:52] Nicole: I don’t think confronting will be good because then it’s, like, a bunch of justifications and maybe lies about the lies. If you don’t want to be around a liar, get out of there!

 

[00:47:05] Sasheer: Or just keep them at arm’s distance.

 

[00:47:08] Nicole: That, too.

 

[00:47:11] Sasheer: Downgrade the relationship a bit.

 

[00:47:14] Nicole: Solved.

 

[00:47:17] Sasheer: Yeah. I think. I guess?

 

[00:47:19] Nicole: I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t listen too good.

 

[00:47:21] Sasheer: I don’t think you did, but that’s okay.

 

[00:47:26] Nicole: Tee-hee-hee. My pure ears were having trouble taking things in.

 

[00:47:32] Sasheer: You’re like, “I’ll pay you!”

 

[00:47:37] Nicole: Well, if you have a query about friendship or just something you want to get off your chest, we have an email. It is nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. We also have a phone number for you to call and stuff. 424-645-7003.

 

[00:47:59] Sasheer: We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.

 

[00:48:03] Nicole:  We also have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

 

[00:48:11] Sasheer: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.

 

[00:48:17] Nicole: Yes. Bye.

 

[00:48:18] Sasheer: Bye!