EP. 339 — Succeeding At Failure (Live from Edinburgh)

Chris [00:00:04] Hello. Edinburgh, Scotland. It’s Beautiful/ Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred. Hi, everybody. Chris Gethard here. Welcome to another episode of Beautiful/ Anonymous. You’re going to hear a live episode today. It was one of the tapings we did at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Thanks to everyone who came out in Scotland. This- you’re going to hear- it’s crazy. I’ll talk more about it in a second. I just want to say, you’re also going to hear that it’s a lot of fun. I have a good time with the live shows. And guess what? This episode is coming out on October 3rd, 2022, and I’ve got some live shows coming up on October 6th, 7th, and 8th. The sixth, I’m in Madison, Wisconsin. The seventh, I’m in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The eighth, I’m in Chicago at The Hideout now. Ticket sales for Chicago, very good. We’re doing the early show, Beautiful/ Anonymous taping with all three of these. Late show, stand up hour. Chicago is going well. That makes sense. I’ve been going to Chicago for years. Touching base with those fans, proving to them that I always try to bring the heat. Work hard for your time and your money. I’m not going to lie. The Madison and Milwaukee shows ticket sales are not great. That happens sometimes, but it’s also my first shows ever in Wisconsin. So if you’re hearing this and you’re in Madison, you’re in Milwaukee, get to ChrisGeth.com. Come out to a live taping at the early show. Stick around for the late show stand up. I’m telling ya, I don’t know what to say, except, if you show up and you spend money on me, I’ll work my ass off to give you a good time. And you ask anybody who’s been to one of these shows over the years, I think they’ll tell you that’s true. So, ChrisGeth.com. Come on out. Madison and Milwaukee. My first time ever performing in Wisconsin. First time ever stepping foot in Wisconsin. I want to make it a good one. I want to enter and just kick down the door and have a great time. So come on out. Now, this caller… I’m giggling just thinking about it, because she made me laugh hard. And she’s living her life almost in this way that sounds like something someone would write a book about. She’s dedicated to failing, and I’m way into that. But you’ll also hear that it doesn’t always go well. Sometimes you can fail at failing, it turns out. You’re going to hear how that goes. We’re going to hear a very funny caller, very charming caller. We’re also going to have a rare celebrity cameo on Beautiful/ Anonymous. How can that happen in a one on one phone call? You have to find out. But if you’re a fan of Ted Lasso, as I am, you’re going to hear about an old friend of mine who touches base in this show. That’s right. We got a little Sudeikis appearance. How? You’re gonna have to listen and hear and see how that one turns out. Thanks so much to the caller for calling. Thanks so much to everybody in Edinburgh who showed up and enjoyed the show. Thanks to everybody who I might see out there in Madison, Milwaukee, and Chicago this weekend. Then we got Atlanta and Athens, Georgia the weekend after that, guys. But I’ll tell you more about that next week. In the meantime, enjoy the call.

Voicemail Robot [00:03:17] Thank you for calling Beautiful/ Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

Caller [00:03:25] Hello. Good morning, Edinburgh!

Chris [00:03:29] Good morning, Edinburgh. And then it sounded like the call dropped immediately. Please tell me you’re still there.

Caller [00:03:34] I’m here.

Chris [00:03:35] Thank God. Well, I don’t know where you are in America, but it is not morning in Edinburgh. It’s almost 8 p.m. here.

Caller [00:03:42] Oh, yeah.

Chris [00:03:43] Yeah. That’s okay though. I’m not mad at you.

Caller [00:03:45] That’s not. That’s not how that quote goes.

Chris [00:03:47] No, not at all. I like your vibe immediately. How are you? I love this energy.

Caller [00:03:54] I’m good, you know? I’m excited to finally get through. Your hold music is very good, but, like, I didn’t want to listen to it anymore.

Chris [00:04:03] That’s fair. Well thank you for trying so many times. I can tell you’re going to be a charmer. I would say that, yeah. We have a small but mighty crowd here, and they’re already quite charmed by you. So I’m glad you called tonight.

Caller [00:04:15] That’s good, too, because I currently live in America, but I would love to move to the UK. So if anybody out there wants to like sponsor me.

Chris [00:04:25] So you’re actively hoping that this ends with you being adopted by a member of our studio audience tonight?

Caller [00:04:29] Yes. Yes. Adopted. Open to adoption, marriage, roommates, you know?

Chris [00:04:36] Marriage, you say? I’ve seen how some people, you know, people I mean, I’ve seen how some of the men at this festival act. You better be careful putting it out there, might try to take you up on it. What’s that?

Audience member [00:04:49] People are gay, too.

Chris [00:04:49] People are gay as well. That is true.

Caller [00:04:52] I’m open to a gay husband.

Chris [00:04:57] Well, that worked out our first crowd participation right looped around right there. Very good. Very good. Okay, so we’ll see. We’ll see. I’ll keep checking in with the audience throughout to see if anyone wants to adopt and or marry you by the end of the call. Sound good?

Caller [00:05:11] Sounds great.

Chris [00:05:13] What would you like to talk about tonight?

Caller [00:05:15] Well, the thing that I brought up that impressed your producer was over the last year, I’ve been trying to set myself up for failure more and try and get rejected from different things.

Chris [00:05:29] Such as being adopted or married by a member of our audience tonight?

Caller [00:05:32] Yes, exactly.

Chris [00:05:33] I love that.

Caller [00:05:35] Because I just found in my life, like I’m a creative type, a writer, and I just kept either not finishing things or like being worried about like putting things out there. And so I decided the one thing I could succeed at is failing.

Chris [00:05:56] Mm hmm. I love it. I’ve been down this road. Failure has been good to me over the years.

Caller [00:06:02] Well, I think failure and rejection is really great. Like, if you think about really annoying people, they’re the people who got everything they ever wanted in life. So I think people who live with a lot of rejection end up being better and more fun people.

Chris [00:06:18] I also want to thank you because I feel like you started to say I feel like you can really relate to failure, and then clearly sensed it might hurt my feelings and did not finish the sentence. We all heard it.

Caller [00:06:30] Look, I just know we have a lot in common. So…

Chris [00:06:34] I love it. I love it.

Caller [00:06:35] Did you know we have- well, you don’t know this. We have the same birthday.

Chris [00:06:38] May 23rd?

Caller [00:06:40] Yes!

Chris [00:06:41] Look at that. Okay. Yeah. Another Gemini who’s stubborn because you’re right on the cusp of Taurus.

Caller [00:06:48] Yes, that sounds right.

Chris [00:06:49] Yeah. Okay. That’s cool. Same birthday. All right. I like that.

Caller [00:06:53] Yeah.

Chris [00:06:54] What else do we have in common?

Caller [00:06:56] You know, so part of my like trying to fail is I did standup comedy.

Chris [00:07:02] How’d it go?

Caller [00:07:03] Well, I feel like there’s no easier thing to fail at.

Chris [00:07:06] It’s true. It’s a tough gig. I just failed at it about an hour and a half ago. Did my solo show here in Edinburgh. It didn’t go great tonight. Didn’t go great tonight.

Caller [00:07:14] Cuz it’s like, you get up there and even if you tell one joke people like, you’re guaranteed to say something that just, like, falls flat.

Chris [00:07:21] Yeah, it’s a tough gig. It’s really fun when it goes well, but it can be brutal and it’s very brutal and lonely when it doesn’t go well. Okay. I love that. What else? So you said this has been a year that you’ve been dedicated to failing.

Caller [00:07:34] Yes.

Chris [00:07:35] And how so? Standup comedy is something you failed at. Any other highlights that you’d like to tell us? Other things you failed at?

Caller [00:07:43] Yeah. So part of it was like applying for random things to see if I could get rejected. And my friend sent me this notice that this parade in our town was looking for, like an emcee announcers.

Chris [00:07:59] Okay. Okay.

Caller [00:08:00] And we’re like, for sure there’s some kind of screening process. Like they’re not just going to let random people have a microphone. This was 2021. It was like, you know, the height of like unrest at like big events. So I was like, they’re going to screen us. They’re going to be like, these punk kids. I’m in my thirties but I’m a punk kid. But they accepted us immediately. There was no screening for us.

Chris [00:08:27] You got it. You got the parade gig? And let’s also be clear, because I’m in, I’m right now I’m in Scotland. When you’re like, it’s the height of unrest at public events, you’re talking about like the George Floyd protests, you’re talking about like mass shootings all throughout America.

Caller [00:08:42] Yeah.

Chris [00:08:42] You’re really soft balling that. So they just handed you a mic and they said, you’re in you’re now the public voice of this parade?

Caller [00:08:50] Yes, yes. For like a couple of blocks. So they have different stations.

Chris [00:08:55] What are you talking about? What are you even talking about right now?

Caller [00:09:00] Okay. I have to explain that I live in like a small to medium sized town, and this parade is just like high school marching bands and the Miss Whatevers and the local politicians. But for some reason it is like the biggest thing. People camp out starting in like 3 p.m. the afternoon before. It’s a whole thing.

Chris [00:09:27] What holiday does this parade revolve around?

Caller [00:09:30] 4th of July.

Chris [00:09:31] So it’s a small town 4th of July parade, and then you have to be like on a P.A. system going, like, And here it is, the Chagrin Ohio High School Marching Band.

Caller [00:09:40] Yes!

Chris [00:09:40] And you’re doing that. And then they come by?

Caller [00:09:43] Yep, they gave us a script, but it was incomplete. People were out of order, so we just kind of had to wing it. And my like co-host, my friend that I was doing it with, she was like reading it before and I was like, Pfft, I don’t need to read it before. And I messed up several times.

Chris [00:10:01] So you applied for a job that you didn’t want, got it, and then said, I’m going to fuck off with this one.

Caller [00:10:08] I just thought I could read. I wasn’t intentionally like being like bad at it. I was just like, I can read a piece of paper.

Chris [00:10:17] Do you remember any particularly egregious like you announced the thing and then looked at the parade going by and you were like, That’s like definitely not what I just said it was.

Caller [00:10:27] Um. Yeah. So a certain local senator, his description said that he defends the Constitution and I said he defends the Constitution.

Chris [00:10:40] And which political party is he a member of?

Caller [00:10:44] Republican.

Chris [00:10:44] Yeah, you may have been right on that one.

Caller [00:10:45] I live in I live in a highly Republican state. So people like him, but I don’t.

Chris [00:10:52] And anybody who heard it could have taken this is like the announcer’s really taking a stand on this one.

Caller [00:10:57] Right. I think they weren’t listening closely enough. But I definitely was like that was probably not a good one to fumble.

Chris [00:11:05] Wow.

Caller [00:11:06] But also it was how I felt. So, you know, freedom of speech.

Chris [00:11:10] I how many times have you applied for a thing thinking you’ll get rejected to practice failure? Because you’re ostensibly you’re trying to just like develop a thicker skin so that when you get back to writing, which is your passion, the failure won’t feel as bad because you’re just that much more used to failure. Right? I think that’s an incredible strategy in life.

Caller [00:11:25] Yes. You get it. Yeah.

Chris [00:11:26] Yeah, that’s a really great strategy in life. But how often are you accidentally finding success and then having to go through with it?

Caller [00:11:35] Well, it’s like when I talk to people about I’m like, yeah, it went exactly how you would think it would go in a movie. Like, I learned this lesson that you don’t actually get rejected that much. Like it’s like a Hallmark movie or whatever crap.

Chris [00:11:48] I love it. Are you going to do the parade again next year? Are they going to ask you back?

Caller [00:11:52] Okay, so that was 2021 and we did do it again.

Chris [00:11:57] You did it again this year?

Caller [00:11:59] Yeah, because we were a hit. Like, so.

Chris [00:12:03] Wait. How so? How were you a hit?

Caller [00:12:07] Okay, so this parade, again, it’s like mostly families. So before the parade, there’s a pre parade.

Chris [00:12:13] What’s a pre parade? There’s no such thing as a pre parade. That’s just the beginning of a parade.

Caller [00:12:19] That’s exactly what it is. But for some reason there’s a pause between.

Chris [00:12:23] So people march by and that’s not the parade. And then the real parade comes? And is there a post parade, which is just another parade?

Caller [00:12:31] Unfortunately, no. But the pre parade is like for people who didn’t get in the parade.

Chris [00:12:37] What?

Caller [00:12:38] They’re obviously good enough to be in…

Chris [00:12:41] Who gets rejected from this parade where, no offense, they just hand you a mic and say have at it? That would be really- you got to be trying to do something real weird to have that- I would like the pre parade better, wouldn’t I? That’s where all the real freaks are.

Caller [00:12:53] Yeah. The ruffians.

Chris [00:12:55] Who’s in the parade? Who’s in the pre parade?

Caller [00:12:59] It’s really like the same guys. So they’re no different. But the point is, in between the two, there is a pause. And so we have to entertain people.

Chris [00:13:09] What did you do to provide that mid parade gap entertainment that made you, quote, a hit?

Caller [00:13:16] Okay. We were a hit. We were a hit with the grandmas. And here’s why. So we made this playlist of, like, kid friendly music, which that one of the first songs we played said, Damn, because I realize Hairspray the Musical says “damn”. I thought I was safe with Hairspray. Anyway, again, this is like a conservative ish town, so damn might have gotten us fired, but it didn’t. So we are playing all this music. We’re getting the kids to dance. And at one point we pull out the banger, which is Greatest Showman. Oh, I don’t even remember what- that one song. (SINGING) This is the greatest show… We had, like, a mosh pit of kids. They all knew the dance somehow.

Chris [00:14:05] Wait, and they, what, like, ran out in the middle of the street between the two parades and formed a mosh pit to show tunes?

Caller [00:14:10] Yes.

Chris [00:14:14] Show tune mosh pit. That sounds like the name of an improv group. Show tune mosh pit. Doesn’t it? Like a musical improv group? Anyway, what am I even talking about? Even I don’t know what I’m talking about. Anyway, let’s take a break. We’ll be right back. Thanks to all of our advertisers who help us bring this show to the world. Now let’s go ahead and get back to the call. Wait, and they, what? Like, ran out in the middle of the street between the two parades and formed a mosh pit to show tunes?

Caller [00:14:45] Yes.

Chris [00:14:47] And the grandmas just liked watching the kids fight in the middle of the street?

Caller [00:14:50] Well, they weren’t fighting. It was like Footloose. It was a beautiful moment. And afterwards, the grandmas came up to us and were like, Our favorite part was when our grandkids are dancing and you just let them have so much fun. And we’re like, Nailed it. Right? Like, if there was like a like measure of success for this, it would be pleasing grandmas, right?

Chris [00:15:12] I guess if a small town parade, yeah, you want the grandmas to be happy. Are there any any act, any like participants in the parade that stand out to you for being particularly notable in any way?

Caller [00:15:25] No, it’s super boring. It’s like…

Chris [00:15:29] It’s just every other small town parade in America. Here’s the fire department. Here’s the guy who owns, like, a real old timey car that he never busts out except for the parade.

Caller [00:15:38] Exactly. And I come from Oregon.

Chris [00:15:40] Here’s the local funeral home, and they weirdly have a big thing in the parade. And everybody’s there, like throwing candy to kids, and you’re like, No, you’re the death merchants. Please stop.

Caller [00:15:49] Literally. You are, like, listing the lineup.

Chris [00:15:52] Yeah, I’ve been to a parade.

Caller [00:15:54] Yeah, I came from Oregon, and I saw people like my first 4th of July here I saw people camping out, and I’m like, This has got to be like Macy’s Day, you know? Like, this has got to be, like, a huge thing. And I get up at like 6 a.m. or whatever to go see it. And I’m like, This is every other, like, American hometown parade I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand.

Chris [00:16:18] Wow. And are you doing it again next year? Did this year go as well? Did you incorporate any lessons you learned in 2021?

Caller [00:16:25] Uh, kind of. I did read it beforehand. The vibes are kind of off this year, you know? Not a lot of patriotism.

Chris [00:16:36] I guess. Yeah. Right around July 4th, there was. There were. It was a little tough to be like, we want to hear a we’re going to be really proud of America and also set off fireworks and have explosions. Like not a great year for that. For sure.

Caller [00:16:47] Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know if Scotland wants to hear about this, but America is not doing great.

Chris [00:16:53] No, I’ll tell you, Scotland. I’ll tell you because I go and I see lots of comedy shows and I’ve been going to see UK comics and Scottish comics. And I tell you what, I’m learning at this fringe they they love- it’s really actually painful as an American because I don’t think I’ve seen one UK comic who hasn’t made a joke about American shootings this year. And I mean that literally. Every show I’ve seen, they at least make one cursory mention of it. And it’s not cool. It’s not cool. It’s like already not cool to know that that’s happened in our country. And then I come over here and I’m like, Oh, everyone’s making fun of us for that. This is humiliating that we’re just not doing anything. It’s humiliating.

Caller [00:17:35] Honestly, as they should. They should be making fun of us.

Chris [00:17:39] I wish that I didn’t personally have to take it on the chin as the American audience member in the room. But that’s again, I can handle it.

Caller [00:17:44] That’s the least you could do, Chris.

Chris [00:17:46] The least I could do is absorb the rest of the world’s rage about America’s lack of intervention in school shootings? Okay, if that’s the least I can do, then I guess I’ll just go be that guy. I would think maybe our politicians or ambassadors or political appointees could do that. But no, if I have to be the guy to feel the shame and humiliation of American excess with guns, then I guess, sure. Yeah, I’ll do it.

Caller [00:18:08] Hmm.

Chris [00:18:09] Okay. Okay.

Caller [00:18:10] It’s time the comedians stepped up.

Chris [00:18:13] Yeah, sure. So what else? So you accidentally stumbled into success with the parade? What else have you been rejected from? What’s the biggest swing you’ve taken?

Caller [00:18:22] Um you rejected me.

Chris [00:18:26] Excuse me?

Caller [00:18:28] I called into the podcast. So I, the year that I did this was actually my birthday, our birthday, my birthday to my birthday. So I called in to the podcast like three days before our birthday and I was like, This is going to be great. I’m gonna, I’m gonna chat it up, we’re going to talk about our birthday and this will be like the last thing I do before my birthday. I’m like culminating in this thing. But you know what happened?

Chris [00:18:54] What happened?

Caller [00:18:56] Your producer actually answers the call, which, you know, I was not expecting. And she’s lovely, by the way.

Chris [00:19:03] Yeah.

Caller [00:19:04] And I panicked because I was thinking- she was like, what you want to talk about? I start thinking about past episodes, and all I could think was, I’ve never been in a harem before. I don’t do drugs. I was like, I have. I was like, I’m the least interesting person, like, sexually or whatever else. And I- those were like the most recent episodes I’d listened to. I was like, and so I just froze. I was like, uhhh. And I don’t remember what I said. I blacked out.

Chris [00:19:34] And that’s my fault. You’re saying that that’s me rejecting you?

Caller [00:19:38] Yeah. I got rejected. From this.

Chris [00:19:39] That you froze and blacked out. Apparently told our producers nothing. And you’re now blaming me publicly for that?

Caller [00:19:46] Yeah, exactly. And you know what’s worse is when I call into the hotline. And if you go into a hotline, you should be prepared. Or like to the voicemail.

Chris [00:19:57] Like the voice mail. Like you can. Yes. You can also call that voicemail line and then you just pitch it. You leave a voicemail. And then our friend Anita, one of our producers, goes through and will call you back from time to time. So you called the voicemail line and choked on that, too?

Caller [00:20:11] Yeah. Because…

Chris [00:20:13] What was what did you say on it? Do you remember?

Caller [00:20:16] The first time, I hung up. The second time I called and I like I was prepared with a script or whatever. But they say you have to leave your email and phone number.

Chris [00:20:27] Yeah.

Caller [00:20:28] And I have ADHD. So I was like I was like, don’t forget to do that. Don’t forget to do that. And I forgot to do it. So then I call back again and I’m like, Hey, it’s me again. Here is my email and phone number.

Chris [00:20:44] I will take no responsibility for this. Your inability to master the voicemail system is, frankly, that’s part of the infrastructure of your life that you need to figure out. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you figured it out and now you’re here and we’re together in Scotland. I wouldn’t say that’s a rejection. I would say that that encouraged active growth, that encouraged you to figure out how to nail this one. And you have nailed it. And if anything, you should be thanking me for improving your phone skills.

Caller [00:21:09] Honestly, again, that’s the least you could do.

Chris [00:21:14] Oh, my goodness.

Caller [00:21:16] You weren’t even there.

Chris [00:21:19] Well, what do you want me to do?

Caller [00:21:21] Okay, but. So when I got rejected- here’s the only reason that hurts is because then I heard, like the first part of the lady who did get chosen. And one of the first thing she said is, I’m so boring. And I was like, This is the beginning of my villain origin story. That I am not interesting-

Chris [00:21:43] What if she ran out from the wings and stabbed me to death right now? And it turned out she was here the whole time and that was the villain. And she’s dressed as the fucking Joker. Can you? Oh, this is how my brain works. Never mind. Why did I say that out loud into a microphone?

Caller [00:21:56] Like murder. Murder is not on the table.

Chris [00:21:59] Well, a murderer wouldn’t say it was. You’d try to- You’d say exactly what you just said.

Caller [00:22:06] Listen, I don’t even kill spiders. I’m very nice.

Chris [00:22:10] Okay. Okay.

Caller [00:22:11] But I was just like, that’s it. I like I’m not even more interesting than somebody who is self proclaimed to be boring. Like, I might as well just walk into the ocean and never be seen again.

Chris [00:22:24] Oh, that’s suicide. No, don’t say that.

Caller [00:22:28] It’s not suicide. I maybe I become a mermaid or something.

Chris [00:22:31] Listen, you sign up for things that reject you. Do not walk into the ocean thinking you’ll become a mermaid. This is not a parade situation where they’ll be like, Yeah, clearly we’ve had very few other applicants. You’ve got good energy. You’re not going to turn into a mermaid if you walk into the ocean. And I can’t be held responsible if you try.

Caller [00:22:50] Yeah, I don’t really think that’s going to happen.

Chris [00:22:54] Okay.

Caller [00:22:54] I don’t want Scotland thinking I’m stupid.

Chris [00:22:56] No, I don’t think anyone thinks that. I think that you’re funny and you’re putting the screws to me. So how- any other rejections you want to share, or should we start talking about how it’s developing you in your life?

Caller [00:23:09] Well, obviously, I had to apply for a dating show.

Chris [00:23:12] You did?

Caller [00:23:13] Yeah. So Peacock did this, like Jane Austen themed dating show.

Chris [00:23:19] Peacock is the NBC streaming platform? Do you watch this Jane Austen show, ma’am?

Audience member [00:23:25] No. I’ve seen clips.

Chris [00:23:26] You’ve seen clips.

Audience member [00:23:29] This guy is like going after her friend instead. Like a Bridgerton stye.

Chris [00:23:31] Okay. So, yeah, so there’s it’s like a Bridgerton style dating show is what our audience is telling me.

Caller [00:23:37] Yes.

Chris [00:23:39] So a Jane Austen themed dating show. You applied. How’d that go?

Caller [00:23:42] Yeah, because I was like, you know, this feels better than other dating shows because I probably won’t have to be in a bikini in a hot tub the whole time. You know, it’s like instead I’m in whatever garb and like, walking about the garden or whatever. So I was like, yeah, I’ll do it. So I go to record. They give you like 26 seconds and it’s like, Why are you looking for love? And I was like, this is like a like a joke, right? And I’m 32 or whatever. Divorced.

Chris [00:24:14] Did you say divorced?

Caller [00:24:14] Yeah.

Chris [00:24:15] Okay.

Caller [00:24:16] So I started talking and I’m like, you know, I’ve looked for love in all these places, and I just think you can find love anywhere. And then all of a sudden I like start- because I watched it back. I realize I started getting really serious and I was like, Wait, I think I actually believe this. Like somewhere between second 15 and 20, I started believing that I could find love on this show.

Chris [00:24:38] That’s how it happens, right? That’s how they get you.

Caller [00:24:41] That’s how they get you.

Chris [00:24:41] That’s how those shows get you. You really believe it. Man, remember that one Love is Blind, that everybody watched in the pandemic where you weren’t allowed to see the person and you had to talk with them through a wall and you’re only allowed to see them if you agreed to marry them?

Caller [00:24:56] Mmhmm.

Chris [00:24:57] That’s one of the most fucked up things that’s ever been committed to film. That’s like disgraceful to the idea that a marriage is even a thing that you should participate in. It just completely devalues marriage to like, not even a good game show.

Caller [00:25:12] Yeah, honestly, dating shows have gone downhill. I don’t know if they were ever uphill, but they’ve gone downhill.

Chris [00:25:19] Yeah. Yeah. So did you hear from the producers or no? When you sent in your like shockingly intense application video?

Caller [00:25:26] No. It was not shockingly intense. I was in my pajamas. I was in pajama shorts and one was like slightly higher than the other one.

Chris [00:25:34] What? So they watched it and were like, she’s putting in zero effort.

Caller [00:25:37] I literally rolled out of bed. Because I was like, I got to do this before the deadline is. And uh, I don’t know, I want to be real, you know? Bring the real hashtag authentic vibes.

Chris [00:25:49] Uh huh. Uh huh. Never heard back?

Caller [00:25:51] No. Which I get it. I mean, I’ve worked on TV shows. You don’t, like, have time to reject people, I guess.

Chris [00:25:59] Yeah. They’re probably not going to write every individual person of note that’s like, We are so sorry. You will not find love through us. Your love will not be found through the magic of our camera work and Jane Austen references.

Caller [00:26:12] Okay. But speaking of not hearing back, do you know Jason Sudeikis? Have you met him?

Chris [00:26:16] I do a little bit, yeah. Here he and I used to do shows together at the Upright Citizens Brigade, and he was on my talk show. And he’s a super nice guy. He’s- Jason has looked out for me a number of ways. Actually. My- I’ll tell you two things that people don’t know is, one, I got my first agent because Jason told his agent that I was good when I was like a young kid in my twenties. He was like, There’s this kid at UCB, look out for him. And she came and scouted me. And then there’s a very- in my career, I once did a show and I went out- this was in 2009. I went on Twitter and I asked Diddy if he would do a show with me at the UCB Theater, and he inexplicably said yes on Twitter, and everyone flipped out. And then he called me on the phone and blah, blah, blah. The point being, I eventually I never heard- I couldn’t hear from him again. He said, I’ll do your show. And I said, How do I get in touch with you? And he was like, Click. And I was like, And then but then he tweeted, I’m going to do this show. So then all these people are asking me, when is it going to happen? And then he was playing SNL and I asked Jason if I could go and meet him. And Jason brought me over and introduced me to him. So Jason’s been nice to me. And we used to play basketball together a little bit, too. That motherfucker can shoot a basketball. He’s really good at basketball.

Caller [00:27:25] Of course he’s a baller.

Chris [00:27:26] Yes. So that’s what I got. That’s the hot goss I got on Sudeikis. He’s helped me out a bunch in my career. Really good man. Great at basketball. Anyway, why’d you bring him up?

Caller [00:27:36] Well, if you could tell him to check his fan mail?

Chris [00:27:38] No. No, I can’t be a part of this. No, no.

Caller [00:27:42] I’m sure he’s got boxes of boxes, but I did write him a letter asking him if he wants to go bowling with me.

Chris [00:27:50] You did?

Caller [00:27:52] Yeah.

Chris [00:27:54] Still waiting to hear back on that one, huh?

Caller [00:27:56] Yeah. So that was another ghost.

Chris [00:27:58] I love that. I like it. I like these swings you’re taking. I do like the swings you’re taking. Because it’s a real range. It’s ones where you’re fairly certain he’s not going to hear it- you’re not going to hear back from him. Versus I might sign up for this small town parade. Oh, it works. So you really are. You’re looking for rejection from all areas. So you did not go bowling with Jason Sudeikis. Congratulations.

Caller [00:28:17] No, not yet.

Chris [00:28:18] Successfully rejected.

Caller [00:28:20] He’s going to find that letter in like five years and be like, oh, maybe I should go. Maybe I should give her a call.

Chris [00:28:28] Sure.

Caller [00:28:30] Okay. So the story behind that is my friend like several years ago told me that apparently that’s how Chris O’Dowd met his wife. He asked her to go bowl- he like messaged her on Face-I might be butchering this. Chris O’Dowd, If you’re listening, sorry. But like he messaged her on Facebook and was like, Do you want to go bowling? And now they’re married.

Chris [00:28:54] But wait, who’s Chris O’Dowd? Like, was she an actor? I don’t know enough about Chris O’Dowd.

Caller [00:29:00] She was more famous than him at the time. And I don’t know when this was, honestly.

Chris [00:29:07] And he tried, let’s go bowling. Okay. And you mailed a physical letter or was in an email?

Caller [00:29:13] And mailed a physical letter because that feels like Sudeikis’ style.

Chris [00:29:18] Really?

Caller [00:29:19] And I’m not saying I want to marry him. I’m not desperate.

Chris [00:29:21] Where did you get that address? I wouldn’t even know how to track that. He has a fan address?

Caller [00:29:24] It’s like it’s fan mail, which is why he’s never going to see it. It’s probably in a box somewhere.

Chris [00:29:29] I am so tempted. I have his number. I could text him.

Caller [00:29:33] Call him right now.

Chris [00:29:35] I’ll text. I won’t call him because I haven’t talked to him in years. I’m going to text Jason Sudeikis right now and say, Random question, do you ever remember getting a piece of fan mail from a young lady who invited you to go bowling? I’m going to do it. Right now. The crowd is gonna watch me do it.

Caller [00:29:47] Even if he, if he even checks his fan mail because that’s, you know. He’s a busy guy.

Chris [00:29:51] Yeah, we got about 34 minutes left. So there’s time for it to go through and for him to answer. If my phone would ever load. He may have changed his number, too. I don’t know.

Caller [00:29:57] Oh.

Chris [00:30:03] I haven’t talked to him in a while.

Caller [00:30:04] I mean, he’s probably over there right now, right? Shooting Ted Lasso?

Chris [00:30:08] I don’t know. That’s a great show, though, man. Everybody was talking about that show. And I was worried because I do I have so much fondness for Jason. I was worried that it was like going to be over hyped. And then I watched and I said, Man, this show makes me feel good. Okay. I’m texting Jason Sudeikis right now. Crowd can vouch for me. I’m about to do it, right?

Audience [00:30:25] Yeah.

Caller [00:30:27] Love that. Ted Lasso is such a nice show. Okay. Well, I don’t know. I could talk about Ted Lasso forever, but I feel like it’s like everybody already knows. If you’ve watched it, you like it. If you haven’t watched it, you’re like one of those people who are like, I don’t like watching popular things. And so that’s like sums it up. But also Brett Goldstein. Do you know Brett Goldstein?

Chris [00:30:54] No, not personally, but I think he’s very funny.

Caller [00:30:57] So another thing I got rejected from is I wrote this- wait, what’s happening?

Chris [00:31:03] I think people just like you, so they’re laughing at the stories you’re telling. Well, they’re also. They’re watching me multitask, like I’m listening to you and I’m responding. But I’m also actively texting Jason Sudeikis. So I’m going to say, Hello, sir. Long time no talk. Random question. Do you ever remember getting a physical fan club letter from a young lady who invited you to go bowling? Sending it right now. Right? You guys can clap.

Caller [00:31:27] Yeah. So that would have been like maybe June 2020? June or July 2020 I sent it.

Chris [00:31:35] I’m going to say back in the summer of 2020 and then I’m going to say I’m talking with her on my.

Caller [00:31:41] Sorry it’s 21. I can’t do math.

Chris [00:31:42] Okay. And then I’ll say I’m talking to her for my podcast right now.

Caller [00:31:48] Well, I asked him to go bowling and then I told them he should hire my really talented friend for Ted Lasso, which I feel like was selfless of me.

Chris [00:31:53] Well you should have told me that before I texted him. That now puts me in a weird spot.

Caller [00:31:59] That’s fine. No, the important thing is that I asked him to go bowling. But I just I included other stuff to show that I’m selfless, that I would ask things for other people.

Chris [00:32:11] Okay. I texted them. I said, Back in 2021, I am talking to her on my podcast right now. I told her I would ask. Okay, you know what I’m also going to do? I’m gonna turn it off vibrate. I’ll turn it on uh I’m going to turn on the audio- on the audio. And then every time I get a text throughout the duration of the next half hour, we’re gonna all have some giddy anticipation. And we’re going to wonder if it’s uh.

Caller [00:32:32] He’s going to text you in like 35 minutes.

Chris [00:32:34] We’ll see. I mean, now have the thing back on. I it says delivered but I don’t it doesn’t tell me if he’s read it and I don’t see the bubble popping up yet. And then every time we get a text, it’ll be like, ding, and I’ll have to be like, No, everybody. Sorry, that’s my wife. Oh, sorry. That’s another American comedian complaining about how hard it is to sell tickets at this festival. It’s another American comedian wondering, are the British audiences just reserved or do they just not like any of us? Like that’s that’s most of what my texts have been this week. But yeah, it’s sitting right there. Okay. If it dings, we’ll know. How amazing would that be? Imagine if I hook you up and you get to go bowling with Jason Sudeikis because I’m a nice guy. That’s the least I could do.

Caller [00:33:15] It’s the least you could do! That’s probably like slightly above the least. I would be pretty. I would probably forgive all other grievances I have against you.

Chris [00:33:28] I didn’t realize we were at grievance level. No, this is often my role in people’s lives is I am many people’s like third or fourth favorite comedian, and then they call me and let me know. They’re like, Hey, any way you could get me hooked up bowling with Jason Sudeikis? And I’m like, Never crossed your mind to go bowling with old Gethard, huh? You haven’t even asked me today if I like bowling.

Caller [00:33:48] Do you like bowling?

Chris [00:33:49] Yeah. I used to bowl as a kid every Saturday with my friends Anthony and James. We were on a team together.

Caller [00:33:56] Look, here’s the thing. I don’t know if we can ever meet because I think we’re too similar. And it would be like looking in the mirror, despite the fact I don’t look much like you. But I feel like if our personalities looked in the mirror, it might be kind of similar.

Chris [00:34:11] Okay. So you think that would be too negative an experience?

Caller [00:34:16] Well, I don’t know what would happen to like the time space continuum. You know?

Chris [00:34:20] Like it would be like a Marvel comics thing, and we don’t want to rip the continuum asunder.

Caller [00:34:25] Yeah.

Chris [00:34:26] Yeah.

Caller [00:34:26] Do you love when people do you love when people act like they know you? Like… isn’t that the worst part of being famous?

Chris [00:34:34] Well, first, I don’t think I’m very famous. I think I used to be more famous. I freaked out about it. I didn’t like it. It’s part of why I left New York. I have self-sabotaged my career my whole career. But it’s been even more so the past few years. And part of it is because it did make me very nervous. I was not built, like it got to a weird place in New York when people were- like, I was famous enough that my TV show had signs on the subway, but I was still not rich so I was taking those subways. And I’m like on the subway with people who were like looking at the posters and then looking at me and me being like, I’m the fucking weird one in this situation. But then like, yeah, it just got a little weird. So I didn’t like it. And I don’t know exactly how I’m going to, you know, pay my mortgage moving forward, but we’ll see. We’ll see. Anyway, that’s the rambly answer to that question. Hey, you hit a nerve.

Caller [00:35:21] That’s the least that I could do.

Chris [00:35:24] The answer- I’ll tell you what. There’s a very sweet spot where people think they know me via things like this podcast, and they do to a certain sense, and I greatly enjoy it. And sometimes people have nice things to say. Sometimes there’s a little bit of an element of, I’m having a bad day or I’m in my head or I’m worried about my son, or I’m worried about my wife or, or I’ve gotten news. And and sometimes people forget that those things are there. And I can be very I can be extraordinarily uncomfortable to meet in person if you’re a fan of my work. And sometimes it’s because I got these like thoughts in my head and I think people forget. But I’m also very flattered and honored that sometimes people want to come up to me and say, like, Hey, I feel like I know you and I always want to tell you this thing. And it means the world to me every time but I don’t always handle it well, I would say. And that’s on me.

Caller [00:36:06] Yeah, I think celebrity is a really hard double edged coin because it’s like you need validation or people like me need validation, but you also have to take all the other attention with that.

Chris [00:36:20] Yeah. Yeah. I was once standing on a subway platform in New York with my wife and I heard someone going- this was back when I had the TV show, and it was right that- I had this weird stretch where- and this is going to sound like woe is me. Who gives a shit. I’ve had a good life. But since we’re on the topic, the TV show was on, this podcast blew up, I had my HBO special, and I was in Mike Birbiglia’s movie, which was a hit, and that was all within two years. And I was standing on the platform for the F train with my wife and I just heard someone going, Gethard, Gethard, Gethard, Gethard, Gethard. And I was started sweating. And when we got on the train, I leaned over to my wife, and it was very sad because I’ve also had some mental health problems, and I had to check with my wife and say, Did you hear that? Because I don’t know if I’m going insane. And it was like this moment that was very real. And she was like, No, I heard it. And the thing that gets me is it made me feel scared that they were going about it by that method. Like it was someone who knew me, who wanted me to turn around to see if it was really me, but if they came up to me and they were like, Yo, dude, I like the fucking podcast. Or I like the TV- I would have been like, Oh my God, that’s amazing. Thank you. And it would have been a positive. But their awkwardness made them take on a form where I actually sat there and started sweating and going, I don’t know if my medications are working right now, if I’m hearing a voice in my head or if this is real. And that just freaked me out. So that’s a big part of why I had to leave New York City. Anyway, this shit got real. Let’s talk about pre parades again. What’s in a pre parade? Ughh.

Caller [00:37:57] No, I love that because-.

Chris [00:37:59] I feel like I feel like usually with this show, I’m in charge. And this whole goddamn hour, I feel like you’re in charge.

Caller [00:38:07] I get that a lot from people.

Chris [00:38:09] Yeah, I’m going to tell you it doesn’t feel great. I keep trying to direct it in these ways, and instead you keep making me say these emotionally revealing things in front of a crowd where I can’t see their faces, only the outlines of their heads. And it feels like a weird tribunal. And I feel like you’re like a master manipulator. A puppet master, goddamn it.

Caller [00:38:27] Hey. It’s okay. Take some deep breaths.

Chris [00:38:29] Yeah, you’re right.

Caller [00:38:32] Look, I have, you know, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and I just- don’t feel like a lot of, like, people who lean towards comedy also have this, like, really dark, deep side to them? I think it’s I think it’s beautiful. It’s stressful for me in my own life, but it’s beautiful.

Chris [00:38:49] Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to overblow it because there’s that dialogue of like, oh, all these comedians who kill themselves or, you know, overdose on drugs and the dark like that that’s like a trope that I think people fall in love with and romanticize. And I’ve seen actual friends of mine.

Caller [00:39:03] Oh yeah, don’t romanticize that.

Chris [00:39:04] I get put in bad places, right? But I do think it’s fair to say that to want to go on a stage and grab a microphone, and that’s the way you connect with other human beings, you probably live deeply in your own head on some level. Like this is- this right now, me with all these people, I feel like I’m connecting with all the people in the room when I’m on a stage much better than I’m able to do in a one on one conversation with someone I don’t know that well.

Caller [00:39:25] Me too.

Chris [00:39:25] And it definitely feeds my feeds my ability to feel like a human being a little bit. So thanks again for coming tonight, everybody.

Caller [00:39:32] I love a live audience.

Chris [00:39:34] Yeah, and they love watching you make me squirm. I’ll tell you that. That’s been their favorite moments.

Caller [00:39:41] You’re welcome.

Chris [00:39:43] Let’s pause there. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s, it’s squirming for the amusement of a live crowd. I spent 22 years just squirming for crowds to laugh. Anyway. We’ll be right back. Thank you again to our advertisers. Now, let’s go ahead. Let’s finish up the phone call. They love watching you make me squirm. I’ll tell you that. That’s been their favorite moments.

Caller [00:40:13] You’re welcome. But feelings are good. Honestly. So I started this rejection thing because I have so much anxiety. And so what I finally, like, narrowed down my mental illness to, because that’s possible, is I feel anxious or no I get depressed when I’m not doing anything, and then I get anxious when I am doing things.

Chris [00:40:40] Yeah.

Caller [00:40:41] And so it’s finding that sweet spot of like if I’m not creating… Elizabeth Gilbert actually has a book called Big Magic and she talks about, like, if you leave a border collie, any like sheep people out there in Scotland? Not a stereotype.

Chris [00:41:00] You thought Scottish people were going to start cheering at the idea “Border Collies! This this. She gets it. She referenced a dog breed we know!” Maybe if you said terriers, right?

Caller [00:41:14] Herding dogs. Cattle dogs. All that. She’s like, if you leave it alone in the house with no job, it just it will eat your couch, right?

Chris [00:41:22] Yeah.

Caller [00:41:23] And that’s how her brain works. And that’s how my brain works. If I’m not working on a project or a hundred projects, it’s like my brain starts to destroy the brain couch.

Chris [00:41:34] Me too. We do have the same birthday. But are you like me? Because I’m like you. The way you phrased that really clicked with me, right? You’re depressed. You’re you’re anxious if you don’t have anything going on. But then if you have too much going on, do you then get that anxious? For me, it’s there’s that sweet spot of like, if I got nothing going on, I’m depressed. If I got too much going on, I’m anxious. But then there’s a sweet spot where I actually feel like a productive and functioning human being. And none of this is healthy.

Caller [00:41:59] Yeah.

Chris [00:41:59] You know? Behaving this way where I have to constantly be doing things and accomplishing things to have some sense of validation as a person. None of that’s healthy, but I identify with it greatly. What you’re saying.

Caller [00:42:10] Well, I think it’s especially as a performer, I feel like more and more actors and other people in that space are coming out with this, like- because it is. You work a lot and then you don’t. And I’m freelance and work here and there.

Chris [00:42:24] I just want you to know I just sat down in a chair because this is officially just I’m in therapy. This is like the exact way I sit with my shrink. Because you’re crushing it right now.

Caller [00:42:33] I think in another life I might have been a therapist, but too much schooling.

Chris [00:42:38] Too much schooling?

Caller [00:42:39] I hate school.

Chris [00:42:40] Oh, it is. I thought you were saying you were too educated to be a doctor. I thought you were like, those doctors with their piddling PhDs. I have a degree beyond that of which you’ve never heard.

Caller [00:42:53] All right, look, I have an ego, but not that big.

Chris [00:42:57] Fair.

Caller [00:42:58] But yeah, like Zachary Levi just came out with a book about self-love. I also asked him to go bowling, but I didn’t want to devalue Sudeikis.

Chris [00:43:09] What? How many people, how many celebrities have you asked to go bowling? And you also have a type, by the way.

Caller [00:43:15] Just the two. I know, okay?

Chris [00:43:16] You like them tall with brown hair, huh?

Caller [00:43:19] Yeah.

Chris [00:43:20] Yeah. Who’s next? You gonna ask Bill Hader to go bowling?

Caller [00:43:24] No. Bless his heart. I love Bill Hader, but… He’s like… in a relationship.

Chris [00:43:30] Don’t talk shit abotu Bill Hader on my podcast, please.

Caller [00:43:32] No, he’s in a relationship. See, I’m not like some kind of homewrecker.

Chris [00:43:36] Oh, you actively research which of these celebrities are single before you try to get on your bowling dates? That’s commendable.

Caller [00:43:42] It’s just like a Google search.

Chris [00:43:44] Yeah. No. That’s fair.

Caller [00:43:45] Anyway, the the Zach Levi thing was because I met him at a book signing. Speaking of meeting people, it’s- book signings- my friend was like, Let’s go. (AUDIENCE CHEERS)

Chris [00:43:58] Texts have come in from Jason Sudeikis.

Caller [00:44:01] Shut up… No.

Chris [00:44:06] What if I didn’t read them to you? After all this nonsense you’ve pulled of, like, Gethard, it’s the least you could do.

Caller [00:44:13] I don’t think that’s the person you really are. I think you’re a good person deep down.

Chris [00:44:15] Really? You don’t think I’m a person who likes revenge? Have you never met anyone from North Jersey before? That if you’re going to spend the first 40 minutes being like, Actually, I’m in control and I’m going to put you on the spot, and I’m going to, through my wit and charm, charm this crowd into making you feel like the butt of the joke a few times. You don’t think that I won’t read these five texts from Jason Sudeikis that are directly addressing this situation?

Caller [00:44:39] Listen, Chris, we’re in this- we’re entertaining the crowd together. I’m helping you.

Chris [00:44:43] Oh, right now you’re playing the game again. You’re playing that little game again where you’re trying to manipulate me. And I just want you to know, the more you do that, the less chance there is that I read these one, two, three, four, five texts from Jason Sudeikis… Okay. You ready?

Caller [00:45:04] Mm hmm.

Chris [00:45:05] He says, Hi… This Jason Sudeik- You guys got to realize- you’re going to realize right away. He’s one of the legit fuckin- he just puts a smile on your face. He’s what you want him to be. And these texts will reveal it. They really will. Every time I meet the guy. He goes, Hi. That’s so random that you’re asking that because I’m literally in the middle of recording my new podcast where I go bowling with young ladies. That said, and alas, I don’t recall such a letter. I also don’t remember opening a single piece of physical mail in 2021 because of, well, you know, anthrax. He goes, I will admit this, though, I am as inconsistent of a bowler as I am a letter receiver. My apology- my apologies to you, to your guest, to your audience, and to bowling. And then he put a solidarity fist emoji. And he said, And in summation, I hope you’re well and that your little dude and your entire family are swell as hell. Nice to hear from you. Also, what’s a podcast? He’s a good dude.

Caller [00:46:14] So there’s a chance. Okay, first of all, I feel like young lady makes it sound a little creepy.

Chris [00:46:22] Do not- you’re trying to throw Jason under the bus for writing back the most thoughtful series of texts he possibly could?

Caller [00:46:28] I’m saying use of that. I just.

Chris [00:46:29] I said young lady. I phrased it as young lady.

Caller [00:46:32] Yes. I feel like he is being diplomatic because he doesn’t realize I’m 33 and that it’s all above board.

Chris [00:46:40] But that’s also it, it’s just the perspective of time. As a 42 year old guy, I go, oh, you’re 33, 32, you’re young lady. And you also have a youthful spirit.

Caller [00:46:49] Thank you. And I- can we text him back?

Chris [00:46:54] I don’t want to bother Jason. I’m willing to text other celebrities. If you can guess other celebrities who I might have in my phone, I’m happy to text them right now if you have questions for them. And if I have them in my phone but I think they’d be bothered by it, I’ll also tell you that as well. If there’s other people from the comedy world you’d like to text. I think that that is actually a thing we haven’t done on the show before. And while it will only happen this once, and future callers, you will not be given access to my contact list. Who, if you can guess other people you think I have in here, that’ll also give a good gauge of where you think I’m at and will reveal to the world how disconnected I truly am from the world of comedy celebrities.

Caller [00:47:30] Okay. Well, first of all, I would ask the audience, do we think that text that counts as a rejection?

Chris [00:47:35] Rejection or no?

Audience [00:47:37] (VARIOUS REACTIONS)

Chris [00:47:39] I think that was a very classy rejection on his end. I think if he- I think he- the door was open for him to say, I’d love to go bowling. Tell me more. And instead, I think he probably said, I’m going to keep some safe distance, but be a good dude and answer this.

Caller [00:47:53] Once he hears the podcast thought, she’ll be like, She seems like a fun time. Like I said, I’m not- I’m not-

Chris [00:47:58] Yeah, no, I don’t. I don’t think you’re coming off as aggressive or overzealous or inappropriate in asking. It’s part of this project, and I like it.

Caller [00:48:07] And again, I would never like pressure. Like it’s this is why bowling is so perfect because it’s like, yeah, let’s go bowling. This is I’m not trying to, like, get you to read my script. I’m not trying to, like, get you to marry me. I’m not trying to spill secrets for TMZ. If that happens, like, while we’re bowling….

Chris [00:48:27] That would be a demonstration of some comfort and trust that you established via bowling. Sure. No one doubts that. You don’t have to justify this one. I think it’s come off the right way. I really don’t think you’re coming off as a- I have dealt with some people who are a little too forward with the parasocial relationships, and I don’t I legitimately- I wouldn’t facilitate it if I thought this was that. Because that wouldn’t be fair to the people who have trusted me with their phone numbers. I wouldn’t do it. You’re not coming off that way. You don’t have to apologize.

Caller [00:48:56] One time John Krasinski told this story about somebody walking up and putting their fingers in his mouth. And I haven’t been able to forget that. I think it was like ten years ago.

Chris [00:49:05] Yeah, that’s a lot. Also your type. Krasinski, Levi, Sudeikis. I see it. Okay. Yeah. No, I get it. I see it.

Caller [00:49:14] Okay. I’m trying to think of women comedians that I love because that you might have on your phone. Of course, this is like pressure. I’ve been thinking about Sudeikis for a long time. I can’t just, like, pull another name out of.

Chris [00:49:26] This fair. And we don’t have to do it. And we also know that.

Caller [00:49:29] Oh, my gosh. What’s her name who does the like, she’s not New Zealand. Oh, she’s so brilliant. Is it Rachel? No. Do you know how I’m talking about?

Chris [00:49:39] Hannah Gadsby?

Caller [00:49:41] Hannah Gadsby. Do you have her in your phone?

Chris [00:49:43] No, I’ve never met her. No.

Caller [00:49:45] She’s lovely though, isn’t she? Does anyone else know her?

Chris [00:49:46] I’ll give you three guesses. So it’s not just this. Oh, you want to know if anybody in the crowd here personally knows Hannah? Does any anybody here does anybody know Hannah Gadsby?

Caller [00:49:54] No. Have they seen her special?

Chris [00:49:54] No. We’ve all seen her special. You’re talking to an audience at the Edinburgh Fringe. Everyone in this room has seen that special.

Caller [00:50:00] I just wanted to, like, throw it out there that she’s amazing. And I think, like, I’m trying to write a one woman show right now, and I watched and I was feeling pretty good. And then I watched her special, and I was like, I could never. Not to put myself down, but that was like, I could never do that.

Chris [00:50:17] No, but you could. And she’d be the first to tell you. I don’t know her, but I bet she’d say you could. You just have to practice and get good. I’ll also say this about Hannah Gadsby. Dave Chappelle gave her some shit and it’s one of the many things Chappelle has done lately that I think is not cool and kind of hypocritical. Because it came at the end of him being like comedians, it’s this fraternity, it’s this brotherhood. We got to protect each other. Except Hannah Gadsby is not funny. And I just want to go on record and say, Can’t have it both ways, man. Can’t have it both ways. That’s fucked up. Hannah Gadsby put herself out there with that special. I thought there were parts of it that were very funny. I don’t I’m not going to sit here like there’s parts of it that I thought were very funny. There’s parts of it I thought weren’t. That’s how I feel about most specials. There’s people who say that about my specials. But either way, if we’re comedians who protect each other, then we fucking do it. And that extends to her as well. And I found that very disappointing.

Caller [00:51:05] I love that.

Chris [00:51:05] Anyways. There’s the stand I took that no one asked for.

Caller [00:51:09] No, I appreciate that, because it is hard to be a woman in this business. That’s cliche, but it’s cliche because it’s true. Like it’s freaking hard to be, well, and for anyone to, like, really be vulnerable on a stage. Like, some people are going to be like, that’s like, okay, so sorry- again, I have ADHD. I interrupt myself. But I have tried- so I studied screenwriting, whatever. Every time I’ve tried to write drama, I’m like, this is so good. This is so deep. And people are like, No. And everyone says comedy is harder. But I have found comedy to be so much easier than addressing serious stuff.

Chris [00:51:53] I hope it goes great. And I hope that you sell a bunch of screenplays and I hope you give me a very small bit part so I can earn money and get health insurance. Are there any are we going to still play the celebrity game? Do you want your two other guesses of who might be on my phone or no? Because we only have 12 minutes and I want them to have time to answer. Or we don’t have to do that. I don’t have Hannah Gadsby’s number.

Caller [00:52:11] I got this. I got this. Uhhh… I can only think of people from The Office because.

Chris [00:52:19] Okay, give it a shot.

Caller [00:52:21] Okay, but I’m trying to think. If we can only talk to one-

Chris [00:52:24] I got four cast members of the American Office in my phone.

Caller [00:52:27] Okay. Do you have Angela?

Chris [00:52:29] No. That’s your second guess.

Caller [00:52:30] I just feel like she’s a good time. Um and not-.

Chris [00:52:34] Yes, she’s very nice. I met her. I did my scenes with her.

Caller [00:52:35] I’m assuming you have- Okay, this is not a guess. I’m just assuming you have Rainn Wilson in it?

Chris [00:52:41] I do have Rainn Wilson’s number in my phone.

Caller [00:52:42] Why I love him, I don’t necessarily need the text because.

Chris [00:52:44] Wow!! That’s some alpha- you’re like a quiet alpha, aren’t you? You just run shit. You’re like, I know you have Rainn Wilson’s number, but not interested. Damn, that’s ice cold!

Caller [00:52:57] It’s not that I’m not interested, I-

Chris [00:52:58] A lot of people in this room. Okay. No, that’s fair. Who do you want? Who do you want to talk to?

Caller [00:53:04] Well, I don’t.

Chris [00:53:05] I love it. Damn, you’re ice cold. Ice in your veins on that one.

Caller [00:53:11] It’s just because I feel like he wouldn’t want to be bugged.

Chris [00:53:15] That’s fair. No, that’s very respectful and I appreciate it. And I think you’re probably correct on that. Not that- he’s actually the one of the sweetest, most thoughtful guys.

Caller [00:53:23] Okay, fine. Let’s text him.

Chris [00:53:24] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don’t get to do, I guess we just will text him because we know the number’s there.

Caller [00:53:32] Okay.

Chris [00:53:33] Hey, Rainn. So sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. I hope things are well. Hey, I’m talking to somebody on my podcast who’s lukewarm about contacting you, but I’m doing it anyway. No, that would put me in a bad light when people hear this.

Caller [00:53:43] Okay, Rainn. Darling, if you listen to this or if Chris tries to misconstrue this in any way…

Chris [00:53:49] Miscontrue!

Caller [00:53:49] I think you’re brilliant. I’ve read your book.

Chris [00:53:52] He’s a brilliant guy. He really is. And a very kind guy. Yeah.

Caller [00:53:54] Do you have Mindy Kaling?

Chris [00:53:56] No. We’ve struck out. Not playing the game. Hey, I got a question. Anyone in Scotland want to marry our caller tonight? Let’s go back to anybody willing to marry her. No. No bites on marriage just yet.

Caller [00:54:08] That’s okay. I’m pretty non-committal if you couldn’t tell.

Chris [00:54:11] That’s okay. Hey. You got divorced, huh?

Caller [00:54:14] Yeah. Okay. Wait. That’s boring.

Chris [00:54:18] You will not- you frame the turns.

Caller [00:54:21] I know we don’t have much time. So I do want to say that one of the other things I did was that I started a pod- I want to say something nice to you, okay? So just hold on. So I started a pod-and the only podcast I wanted it to be like was yours, because I love that you- I- I don’t listen to a lot of podcasts. I listen to yours because I love that you just let people- everyday people talk about their lives. And I decided I wanted that to be the premise of my podcast because I think it’s beautiful.

Chris [00:54:50] Thanks. Is your podcast called like Anonymous/ Beautiful, Conversations with Anonymous People?

Caller [00:54:56] Yeah. Yeah. It’s called it’s called An Unofficial Chris Gethard Podcast About Anonymous People Who Have Beautiful Stories.

Chris [00:55:05] I would have known about that one if my name was in it. No, that’s great. I hope it’s going well.

Caller [00:55:08] It’s different enough to not get sued. Yeah, it’s something. What I love is that, so it’s me and a cohost and we’ve mostly just interviewed people we know so far. And even if it, like, never blows up, it’s become this, like, beautiful collection of, like, people I love.

Chris [00:55:25] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Caller [00:55:27] And I’m like, I don’t need people to be, like, the expert on whatever or this or that. Like, I just want to hear people’s stories. And that’s why you’re pretty much the only podcast I listen to.

Chris [00:55:36] Thanks. Can I ask you a real question that’s going to cut to the quick on some matters?

Caller [00:55:42] Always. Always.

Chris [00:55:42] You’re not going to like it. I can tell.

Caller [00:55:45] No, I like questions.

Chris [00:55:45] We have the same birthday. We have the same birthday, so I know how you think.

Caller [00:55:49] All right.

Chris [00:55:51] You’ve told us a lot about the things you do tonight. Your ambitions, this quest to get rejected more so that you can figure out how to be more comfortable in the pursuits that really mean things to you down the line, the people you’ve tried to contact who you admire. These are actions you’ve taken. But you really don’t like when I ask you about who you are. Why is that?

Caller [00:56:13] When did you ask me about who I am?

Chris [00:56:15] I literally just said, So you got divorced, huh? And you smacked it down harder than humanly possible. Like one of the- you want to talk about rejections? That answer to my question. That was a rejection.

Caller [00:56:31] I mean, I do like to talk about myself, actually. It’s just we’re on a time crunch.

Chris [00:56:41] Okay.

Caller [00:56:43] What do you want to know? Do you want to know about my divorce? Or something else?

Chris [00:56:46] I don’t want to pry about your divorce, but I do want to know how a person becomes someone who moves to a small town, goes on a quest for rejection, while also aspiring to be a podcaster and screenwriter on some level. Clearly views yourself, you know, you are writing letters to celebrities and saying, like, I am not- I want to go bowling. I don’t want you to read my screenplay. But at the same time, then you’re also mentioning that you have written some screenplays. And yet you’ve moved to small town, you’ve had a divorce. And that tells me there’s a whole life story that led up to a certain point that allows you to be this person who is living in a way that’s not the most traditional in the pursuit. Most people who are 33 don’t go, I’m divorced and I’m on an active quest for more rejection through any means possible, let alone in a small town in middle America. So it tells me there’s a whole story that led up to this, and you have a whole hope of the story that unfolds after this.

Caller [00:57:44] Okay. How much time do we have?

Chris [00:57:45] Six and a half minutes.

Caller [00:57:47] Okay. So it’s like six TikToks.

Chris [00:57:53] Oh. God damn I hate the world we live in. That was so funny. Six TikToks

Caller [00:58:02] Um well, well, how do I explain this? I grew up in Oregon. I came out here for college. I met actually I met my husband at college, but we didn’t really connect until afterwards via Facebook. And I didn’t leave after college because I just had built a network here and I was doing a lot of different things. Um and I have a really hard time talking about my feelings in intimate relationships. Like you said, it’s easier to charm a whole crowd than to have a one on one intimate relationship. So, yeah, like I, you know, whatever he did is kind of irrelevant because I can only change myself and I just realized, like, I talk a big talk about vulnerability. I like I’ve been talking about Brené Brown since the beginning. I like do this. But like when, you know, talking about it is different than doing it.

Chris [00:59:07] That was one TikTok.

Caller [00:59:16] Okay, five more. I’ve really had to learn. Like I have had a physical and mental struggles that have really kind of like humbled me in ways that… Well, you want to go back even further? So when I was a child, I was really shy. I didn’t talk to anyone. And then in between middle school and high school, I literally thought to myself, Being quiet is boring. I’m not going to do that anymore. And I pulled a 180. And like people in my life, like my mom and everybody else were like, that- you just overnight went from being quiet to like being on a stage at this girls camp and like, entertaining everybody. And so at that point in my life, I made a conscious decision that I wasn’t- I didn’t want to be boring anymore. And I don’t know how many people can just change their mind about that. But I did. But I think there is, again, Gemini’s right? We have two faces or whatever. People always complain about us. And so there’s, yeah, there’s there’s both sides to it. Like, I can, I can joke about stuff, but can I sit down and, like, be in a relationship without wanting to run away? I don’t know.

Chris [01:00:34] We’ve got 3 minutes, 40 seconds left. I’m getting a sense of who you were in the past. You’re still dancing around some things, but I respect the way you’re framing it. I’m wondering about the future. Where are you at now? How do you think this rejection project’s going to end? And do you think it’s going to set you off as a writer in the way that you hope? And what are those hopes?

Caller [01:00:52] That’s a lot of questions. Well, so I have been. So, like, after you get divorced, there’s like- and I was married for a couple of years. So as far as divorces go, it’s not like the most- whatever it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to, like, devalue it or anything, but so I feel like I was that’s been almost five years now. And I like woke up the other day and was like, it’s been almost five years. Like the survival mode period has ended, the like post survival mode period has ended, and I’m still here, like, doing my thing. And it’s- what’s interesting is how you can- when things get better, when things get more stable, like, I own a house, I’m pretty established in my career, like one side of it. The moneymaking side, not the creative side. And but then it’s like, okay, like I can, I can move somewhere else now, basically is what I’m getting at now. And that’s why I’m like, Yeah, could move to the UK, could move back to Oregon, could move to New York, the place you hate.

Chris [01:02:08] I don’t hate New York. I have a deep unabiding love for the New York.

Caller [01:02:12] Kidding. No, because that’s what I- my creative projects range from like musical theater to screenplays to a lot of ads. So there’s just a lot of places you could go. I could go.

Chris [01:02:28] There are a lot of places you can go. I feel like you can charm the room wherever you go. It’s pretty impressive.

Caller [01:02:34] Yeah.

Chris [01:02:35] Yeah.

Caller [01:02:35] A lot of bosses hate me, though.

Chris [01:02:39] Yeah, I bet. No one listens to the bosses when you’re also in the office. Right? Like the boss says something stupid, and everybody just kind of glances at you and waits to see what you’re going to say. You’re that person, right?

Caller [01:02:50] Yes. But also there’s I have to call out systematic problems when I see them. And people don’t like that.

Chris [01:02:56] Especially when the systematic problem is the boss is consistently a dumb ass. Right?

Caller [01:03:01] Yeah. But like, I’m like, places I’ve worked there’s been like, racism, sexism, homophobia. And I’m like, I’m going to call the shit out because… That’s not cool.

Chris [01:03:10] Yeah, you have to. You have to.

Caller [01:03:12] But, you know, so many people, usually my manager is the person who doesn’t actually have control over it. So they’re like, please stop talking about it. I have no control over this. And I’m like, If I’m going to do something, it’s talk about stuff.

Chris [01:03:24] We have 50 seconds left. Less than one minute. We’re here with the people of the Edinburgh Fringe Fest. You have this platform to send a message to the world. In closing, what should that message be?

Caller [01:03:35] Oh, my gosh. That’s what I ask people. That’s similar to what I ask people at the end of my podcast, and I never know what to say. And I feel like such a hypocrite.

Chris [01:03:45] We’re down to 30 seconds.

Caller [01:03:47] No, no, no. Hold on, hold on.

Chris [01:03:48] You have to stick this landing. You have to nail this.

Caller [01:03:51] The pressure.

Chris [01:03:52] We’re down to 22 seconds.

Caller [01:03:54] Okay. I think this is important. I’m trying to write a song about it right now. But I think the most important thing that anyone can do is be true to themselves. And sometimes it takes a lifetime to figure it out. But I think it’s like a noble pursuit to spend your time trying to figure out who you are and what your life’s mission or whatever you want to call it is. And it’s not going to be the same as anybody else. How is that?

Chris [01:04:16] Right on the dot! It hit zero just as you ended. That’s a hell of a way to end it! Caller, thank you again for calling and put me on the spot, for opening up, for telling me about your life philosophy. Thank you to Jason Sudeikis for stopping by unexpectedly. Thank you to Andrew out in Scotland who did all the engineering and helped face down some technical difficulties. Thank you to Andrea Quinn, who helped handle things from New Jersey for the live show. Thank you to Anita Flores, who coordinates it all from the New York office. Thanks to Ryan Connor, who engineers everything. Thanks to Shellshag for the theme music. If you wanna know about me, including more live dates, don’t forget ChrisGeth.com. Madison, Milwaukee, Chicago. I’m comin this weekend. ChrisGeth.com. Get those tickets right now. Hey, wherever you’re listening, subscribe, favorite, follow. There’s a button. Hit it. It helps us when you do. And if you want merch, like shirts and mugs and stuff like that, podswag.com has it covered. And if you want your episodes of Beautiful/ Anonymous without any ads, and if you want access to tons of other shows out there, Stitcher Premium, it’s got you covered, okay? Use the promo code “stories”, you’ll get a month free at Stitcher.com/premium.