The gang kicks off this week’s episode of Two Charted with talk about haircuts of the past, ring tones of the future, Howard’s big announcement about the latest Gu Cruise ventures. Then, as aided by Stard, the gang discusses the origin of the American Jacuzzi, as well as the migration behaviors of turtles. Later, Howard reveals the greatest and only way to watch film and TV with a new method known as “hour spackling.” Additionally, Kulap reveals the one documentary that everyone needs to watch tonight. Lastly, the crew wraps up with gifts, but not before Howard picks a fight with technology.

Andrew Ti and special guest Molly Lambert finish the week off by discussing the success of Run the Jewels. As always, leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

This week, a new guest joins Chunt, Usidore, and I in the Vermilion Minotaur: A common, dirty traveler named Tom. I’m hoping to hear what life outside of Hogface is like from someone who has traveled across Foon.

Singer-songwriter Allison Weiss joins Tim Meadows, Lauren Lapkus, and Eugene Cordero in her secret sad dance party in musical episode of improv4humans with Matt Besser! Allison plays songs that inspire scenes about how the way people eat is the exact way they are in relationships, a day in the life of DJ Mofo, and a husband who finds everything he says funny. Make sure to get the Upright Citizens Brigade television show season 3 now available on DVD, the UCB Comedy Improv Manual, and Allison Weiss’ albums over at www.allisonw.com!

Reporting for duty with Graham Elwood.

Molly Lambert & Andrew talk about why Africa is called The Dark Continent. Don’t forget to keep leaving us messages by calling (323) 389-RACE.

This week Kevin “One Scene Watcher” Avery & W. Kamau “Innovative Podcaster” Bell discuss Denzel’s film debut in 1974‘s Death Wish. They talk about how the movie is basically a low rent version of The Punisher, Jeff Goldblum playing one of the thugs in the trigger warning scene, why Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t have to run if he doesn’t want to, and the 54 second scene that Denzel is in. Plus, they discuss how Denzel Washington Is the Greatest Brand Strategist of All Time, the Centric network’s Ladies Love Denzel weekend, and Denzel’s book “A Hand to Guide Me.” Pick up Denzel’s book here: http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Guide-Me-Denzel-Washington/dp/0696230496

Corrine Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson, co-creators of “Guys we Fucked: The Anti-Slut Shaming Podcast” hang out for a late night in the studio with Horatio, Chad, Seth Herzog a host of callers and Harrison Ford’s brain. Jerry Minor is stuck in the Singularity still inside Hector’s dispensary and we hear a taste of New York Juan, yet another of Horatio’s parallel lives. The studio continues to fold in on itself as we find out what really caused the car accident from episode five.

Kulap and Howard start off the show by officially announcing the arrival of spring, as well as a special achievement that has been accomplished in the world of Gu Cruise. Then, our hosts are joined by stand up comedian Kate Berlant, who talks about her most recent tour, wear in she traveled the country by bus, as well as her future comedy shows in Germany. Additionally, during the movie chart, Howard explains why God is such a nice guy that he’ll even help people that are stuck in the snow. Lastly, while fielding questions from Chartist’s, Kate talks about how she celebrated International Woman’s Day.

Bob is given the chance to speak to extraterrestrial light beings with the help of channeler & medium Leni (Suzi Barrett) formerly known as Debbie Davis. We’ll learn how Leni gained the ability to contact the Pleiadians, the most disturbing and uplifting message she has received from these light beings, and they’ll attempt to connect with their plane of reality.

The gang is back and they got some blue giant ass to kick. With grenades. Also, Blaine shares a dick story.

Molly Lambert & Andrew talk about the definition of the word “racist.” Be sure to keep leaving us messages at (323) 389-RACE.

Jensen & Matty are taking calls from the Bunheads once again to find out what we should get up OFF. We talk about buying records at Urban Outfitters, hating on Kanye, bucket hats, being polite to millennials, Tosh.0, Matty’s Steam video game picks, giving directions, and much more. We’ll also find out if Jensen’s past love Marissa calls in, whether Jensen should stop putting product in his hair, and will Matty get engaged four months from now.

Tig, Kyle, and David start off the show with a reminder about the importance of flossing and plan a pizza-eating contest between Stephanie and David. Then, Joe Neyer, an author from Oxford, OH called into discuss his cancer story, his attitude towards fear, the power of meditation, and living a life of positivity. Tig opens up about her own similar journey. If you wish to donate to help Joe self-publish, visit unforced.org.

Join Kevin as he sits down with actor Will Sasso (MADtv, The Three Stooges). Laugh as the two gentlemen craft new celebrity impressions and discover what silliness Will created while anticipating work.

Sean and Hayes describe what pilot season is and describe the new show they’ve been working on. Then, KUMAIL NANJIANI stops by to talk to the guys about their company, their favorite super heroes, and their upcoming video game. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery asks about @midnight, Pakingstan, and the best computers.

Molly Lambert & Andrew talk about if it’s racist to re-enact atrocities in films. Make sure to leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

This week, Randy and Jason welcome to the show longtime friend, author, and baseball guru, Jonah Keri. Together, the gang explains to America why reading is still a worthwhile hobby and which, 60-1 underdog, major league baseball team, will win the world series. Additionally, Dan Van Kirk covers stories that include; parents who dress their child as Christian Grey and then sends him to school, a man who falls asleep with his hand gun in public, and lastly, a person who makes the worst decision of his life, when he decides to go to Applebee’s. Finally, Larry Flynt calls in and has a bone to pick with the Sklars about what is deemed ‘appropriate’.

Writer Molly Lambert returns to join Andrew all this week to answer some racism questions. Today they talk about whether forgetting someone’s name and assuming it’s Pedro is racist or just forgetfulness. Be sure to call us at (323) 389-RACE to ask if anything is racist.

It’s a special co-host edition of Comedy Bing Bong with our favorite German film director Werner Herzog! Werner & Scott welcome guest of honor Michael Ableson, a NYC corporate litigator AND Origin Story documentary donator to tell us all about being the hero of the banks when suddenly Ho Ho the Naughty Elf squeaks into the studio. They are also joined by well known French actor Jean Claude Pepi to read a Nosferatu script, play a new game called Name French Actors, and to settle the score during Would You Rather?

We know it’s old news already, but last week when that blue/black/white/gold dress tore the internet and countless marriages apart, it brought up a theme that we like to talk about a lot at Cracked: how our senses are about as trustworthy as Brian Williams’ war memoirs.

No, it’s true. We’ve even covered on the podcast before that your brain has as many nerves feeding information out to your eyes as your eyes have feeding information back. In other words, a lot of what you rely on as your vision is really just your brain filling in gaps because it’s too lazy to do the rest of the work.

Co-hosts Jack O’Brien and Michael Swaim are joined this week by executive editor Jason Pargin (aka David Wong), and use the frenzy over ‘the dress’ to dive into a conversation about perception, consciousness and the harm of saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Author, director, and actress Amber Benson (The Witches of Echo Park, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) joins Devin & Amy this week to discuss the 1957 Federico Fellini masterpiece The Nights of Cabiria. Is this the movie that has enough humor and darkness to fill your Fellini hole? Tune in for the discussion on this beautiful story about a hooker who just wants to be loved — and head to the forums on Wolfpop to cast the deciding vote!

Nate is joined by several special guests this week. We’ll hear a live reading of Neil Simon from Kevin Sussman, live at the UCB Theater. Then, from Pop-Hop in Highland Park, Robey Clark stops by to explain the ins & outs of owning an independent book store, and how to properly end a podcast. Finally, the wonderful Jessica Chaffin reads from Kim Gordon’s ‘Girl in a Band’. Check out the WolfPop forums, and if you’re in Los Angeles, come out to Reading Aloud Live this Sunday, March 8th at the UCB Franklin Theater. Get tickets at www.ucbtheatre.com!

The very funny Eliza Skinner and Zombeavers director Jordan Rubin join Paul & Jason to talk about the most seemingly normal but insane film Safe Haven.

Welcome to the Sweet Sound of Success with your host and inspirational speaker Max Success Champion (Mort Burke)! This week Max is joined by his lovely wife Macy Champion. They’ll talk about how a public incident has changed their love life, they go through Macy’s Rules, and Macy shares her own personal struggles. Then, Traci Reardon stops by to give Twitter followers advice on how to make money and more in her recurring segment, “Help Me, Rhonda.”

Andrew Ti and special guest Lamar Woods finish the week off by discussing Action Bronson and other white rappers using the n-word. As always, leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

Randy and Jason kick off the show with a preview of the 250 million dollar fight between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao, and why Pacquiao very well might be the David Hasselhoff of sports. Additionally, the Sklars talk about the adversity of being a thirteen-year-old boy who is trapped in a grown man’s body, the unknown story of Rob Gronkowski. Then, Randy and Jason are joined by comedian, producer, game show host, and Emmy award winner, Ben Bailey. Ben talks about coming up in New York, friends he made along the way, and the unique parallel between being a comedian and host of the Discovery Channel’s Cash Cab. Later, the gang covers headlines that include Marshawn Lynch’s latest media endeavors, how Vin Diesel broke into Hollywood, and a New Jersey father who decides it’s never too early to introduce your children to the ice luge. Lastly, Michael Kissick, the world’s friendliest TSA agent, calls in to talk about how he found love in a suitcase.

Howard and Stard kick off the show with a quick assessment of the ringtone business, as well as some exclusive New Jersey folklore about Jon Bon Jovi. Then, the boys open gifts from Chartists wherein, Stard takes a moment to describe last year’s Summahfest and Howard explains why the musical genius of Stard is everything he could ever ask for. Later, Howard talks about the dynamic of doing stand-up and how any show could have any outcome. Lastly, Howard preaches from his soap box about why watching dragons eat swords on HBO is not making the world a better place.

The Sporkful’s Dan Pashman helps us triage our signature cocktail for an upcoming event. But we need YOUR help, too! Don’t let it be a mug of wine!

It’s a special occasion this week as Susan and Sarah are joined by the composer and performer of the Crybabies theme song, singer-songwriter Jill Sobule. Jill shares some of the music that was part of her own personal soundtrack to her childhood from John Prine “Hello In There” to the end credits to The Flintstones. They also discuss Jill’s year of discovery abroad in Spain, getting in touch with your future old person as a child, and the relationship between creativity and psychedelics.