Saint Valentine has been torturing the world’s lonely people for over 1500 years, but that ends now! Bob has some hopeful wishes and inspirational lyrics that are far more valuable than any chocolate sampler or wilted carnation. Happy Valentine’s Day.

This past weekend, arguably the largest event in sports was held. That’s right, we’re talking about the Super Bowl and we’ve invited Anthony Jeselnik, one of the most brutal roast comics there is, on the show as we discuss the legitimacy of the Puppy Bowl, ridiculousness of Madonna’s halftime show, and everything else that goes along with this event. Anthony shares some secrets of the Comedy Central Roast and joins us for a killer round of quick hits. Also joining us is unlikely sports commentator Pat Buchanan who brings his own opinions on this year’s record breaking Super Bowl. Head over to Jockular.com to check out The Sklars in “Point/Point”. HENDERSON!

Are you ready for a double shot of Ku-ku and Wie-wie? In this first ever episode of Two Charted, Howard and Kulap share their personal charts where you’ll learn about their favorite topics of the week especially made for Two Charted! Thank Ku for listening and keep coming back!

We are so so SO excited to have Sue Galloway on the show this week! She’s one of our favorite ladies of New York and she takes some time out from her busy schedule to tell us how a mailbox smashing hellcat became a hilarious storyteller, genius actress, and total cat lover. Enjoy!

The easy access Universal Crutch Pouch gets more than a brisk review in today’s Affirmation Nation.

Look, I don’t want to be confrontational but you should probably listen to improv4humans this week. Our guests are Jill Donnelly, Charlie Sanders, and Ben Schwartz and they’ll teach you a thing or two about antisemitism and car repair. It’s more pleasant than being stuck in an elevator without any arms.Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

If you thought the Super Bowl was thrilling, than you’ll lose your mind this week as Jake Fogelnest takes Comedy Credits to the next level. Everyone’s favorite alternative DJ and summer camp masturbator leaves his cat and legions of tweens back in New York and joins Howard and Kulap for a look at the largest leaping singles, the top performing movies, and a glimpse into his own life with Chart Roulette. We play a game that puts his fake animal rights activism to the test and he tells us about his less-than-ideal star sighting of Liam Gallagher. Come back on Friday when Howard and Kulap debut their first ever guest-less bonus show!

Just because you don’t have health insurance doesn’t mean you must be resigned to illness! This cold and flu season let Dr. Ducca let you in on some secrets to staying clear and breathing without labor.

Slight-of-hand, illusions, the occult, what does it all mean? It’s magic, and our guest this week is a master of it. Derek Hughes joins us on Professor Blastoff to share SOME of the secrets of the trade (no, he won’t explain his tricks) from apprenticeships to dealing with skeptics. Perhaps he’ll make a believer out of you!

We have a big one in store for you guys! It’s a musical. It’s a remake. The Witness Protection Program is involved. And most importantly, it’s about a motorcycle-riding rapper. The movie is Cool as Ice starring Rob Van Winkle who will be joining Paul, June, Jason, and comedian Brian Huskey to tell us everything we’ve ever wanted to know about this major flop. It’s not too late to buy your tickets to How Did This Get Made? LIVE at Largo with special guest “Weird Al” Yankovic! Hope to see you guys tonight!

Can I ask you a question? Are you ready for a star studded tribute to the most important Awards Show of the season? This year Comedy Bang Bang is paying tribute to The Grammys with guests like musical comedy legend “Weird Al” Yankovic, brilliant comedian Todd Glass, and Hollywood starlet Liza Minnelli. Get Grammy predictions from these industry insiders and listen to a thrilling game of Would You Rather? with a conclusion you’ll never see coming. Enjoy!

Talking to teens isn’t always easy, no matter how “real” or “not-pretend” they are. Here is an exercise to help you chat with the kiddo in your life with ease!

Everyone, give a big round of applause to Ronna and Beverly who are joining us here on Earwolf! This week on the show, our favorite Jewish divorcees invite Heather Donahue from The Blair Witch Project to discuss the reinvigorating potential of a silent yoga retreat and marijuana farming.

Did you catch the premiere of Key and Peele? You’ll never want to miss a moment once you hear Keegan-Michael Key, one of the show’s co-stars, on today’s Sklarbro Country. Keegan is somehow able to talk about sports, comedy, Downton Abbey, race relations, and everything else we throw at him from WWE to Tebowing in Vegas. Also joining us this week is Bryant Gumbel who tells us about the best Super Bowl prank imaginable. The cherry on top of this power-packed episode: Charlie Sheen wrote and recorded a snippet of the possibly forthcoming Sklar Brothers autobiography and we’re sharing a chapter. Punch a waterfall, take the Henderson Ink Challenge, and enjoy!

Not often do we get to hear from our listeners “across the pond” but this week we get a letter straight from the icy woodlands of Norway. Apparently the scenic countryside isn’t enough to suppress feelings of romantic inadequacy.

If you are on Twitter, there is a good chance that you are in love with Megan Amram. We don’t blame you! We love her and we loved talking to her about migraines, food expiration dates, infidelity and prostitution, diet pills, goulash, and so so SO much more. Now go follow @MeganAmram immediately and be sure to weigh in on the Earwolf Blog regarding your favorite Totally Laime moments for a chance to win an autographed copy of Hangin’ with Leo! Enjoy!

Don’t be such a baby! Listen to improv4humans featuring Brett Gelman, Will McLaughlin, and Eugene Cordero. It’s more refreshing than a crisp, cool bottle of water and more thrilling than getting candy from Michael Jordan. Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

Most Earwolf listeners know that Jason Mantzoukas loves bad movies. Did you know that he also loves Math Rock, studied ethnomusicology abroad, and can be killed by an omelette?  America’s favorite minority actor joins us this week on Who Charted? for a look at the iTunes Hip Hop Singles Chart, the Movie Chart, and a rousing round of Chart Darts. Not often do we discuss both dog rescue and nuclear holocaust preparedness in one podcast, but we cover both with plenty of time for Jason to pitch a perfect historical fiction film for Howard. Keep tuning in as Who Charted? becomes bi-weekly and listen in for exclusive details on Who Charted? LIVE in Vancouver!

Today’s episode of Affirmation Nation is all about Flipswitchers, or Friendly Little Incentives Presented So We Instantly Think, uh…man, Bob is so much better at this than I am!

2011 was a great year for Nic Cage. He made Season of the Witch, Drive Angry, and this week’s selection, Trespass. It broke the record for shortest time between theatrical premiere and DVD release, and if you watched it I think you know why. We invited Rachael Harris to join us for a discussion of this widely despised Schumacher thriller. If this episode left you wanting more, be sure to come to How Did This Get Made? LIVE at Largo on February 7th for a discussion of Birdemic: Shock and Terror!

If I could turn back time, I would spend the time listening to Professor Blastoff! This week we discuss time travel with comedian Shane Mauss (listeners at home, we hope you are applauding after reading his name), who joins us for a conversation about chaos theory, the butterfly effect, and other confusing ways to think about time. A non-linear timeline? That’s nuts!

Have you seen Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie yet? We’ll you’ll be clamoring to see it after this in-depth interview with the titular Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim. They reveal all the deets about making a movie for “The Big S” and share with us the “Four Quarters of Success” that have brought them so much fame. Plus we have first time guest Dr. Bronner who teaches us an important lesson about generosity and togetherness as well as personal hygiene. And yes, all you Tim and Eric diehards, you WILL get to hear their beloved “Mike & The Dope” characters, so pop some corn and enjoy the podcast!

You knew it was going to happen, and now you get to live it! Scott and Harris went to see Phish at Madison Square Garden and we have aural proof! Listen as Scott and Harris recount the night with clips recorded at the show and featuring Scott’s concerned wife, Harris’ crunchy friends, and more than a few random Phish Phans. Plus, we delve into a controversy regarding the personnel of this infamous jam band. Will the show continue? Does Scott like Phish? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Are you hungry for a snack break? Let Bob tantalize your taste buds with some of his favorite ways to chow down.

Tom Scharpling is the host of The Best Show on WFMU, the director of some of the best indie rock music videos, and perhaps a contender for best Sklarbro Country guest?! His sports knowledge (available for perusal at The Classical) and radio expertise make him the perfect contributor to conversations about Bubba Watson, Kevin Federline, and our new favorite athlete Tina Maze. With Rob Lowe in the news, we check in with his Brat Pack buddy Charlie Sheen who treats us to one of his always-welcome rants. This episode is sponsored by audible. Support Sklarbro Country and get a free audiobook at http://www.audiblepodcast.com/sklarbro.

Can you believe we’ve done Totally Laime for TWO WHOLE YEARS?! It is utter insanity, as is this episode where we go guestless and share some of our favorite moments from our past year of podcasting. Plus, how do we fare at Laime or Totally: Rapid Fire? Thank you to Kulap Vilaysack, Paul Rust, Erin Whitehead, Eli Braden, Mark Gagliardi, Eddie Pepitone, and every guest we had this past year. We wish we could include you all! Enjoy!

Listen closely when we tell you that there is a brand new improv4humans out and ready for your enjoyment! This week’s guests are Tim Meadows, Seth Morris, and Sean Conroy who take you on a tour of The Vatican before sailing away on a cruise ship made of funk and soul. It’ll be like listening to your favorite classic Three Stooges bits! Follow @MattBesser to send suggestions for future episodes and find music like the stuff you heard today by visiting Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

If there was a university that specialized in being hilarious and cool on podcasts, Erinn Hayes would graduate cum laude! Childrens Hospital’s Dr. Lola Spratt makes a house call this week to hear what’s charting in country music, find out what movies are making an impression, and play a challenging round of Chart Piñata. She’s got celebrity bridge connections, a mother’s perspective on cinema, and an impressive bank of comedy credits so it would behoove you to give it a listen!

Ronna Glickman & Beverly Ginsberg are the best-selling co-authors of You’ll Do A Little Better Next Time: A Guide to Marriage and Re-marriage for Jewish Singles (“It says Jewish in the name — but it’s for everyone!”).

These outspoken fiftysomethings from Boston, who can be seen regularly at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in LA, dispense their unique brand of relationship advice while interviewing/interrogating celebrity guests.