Bob has made significant progress in his poem therapy and has finally overcome his performance anxiety enough to read one for you. Here is his latest opus: The Battle Tattered Flapping Flag.

You are either listening to Professor Blastoff, or entering a new dimension. We’re not sure which one it is. We are also unsure if it is the forth dimension, fifth dimension, or one of hundreds of multiverses you are entering. And we cannot guarantee that in this dimension your junk will retain the same size and shape that it does in the third dimension. Or if dementia is somehow related to the concept of dimensions. But that which we do know will be given to you in easy, memorable riddle form. So listen ahead, and don’t be afraid to look up once in a while.

With a cascade of puns, a round of “no, but” style improvisation, an appearance of cake bugs, and latent racism, this is a classic Comedy Bang Bang waiting to happen. Our guests are Colin Hanks and Myq Kaplan who match wits on What Am I Thinking? while throwing down on Would You Rather?. We also have an appearance by Kylie Bloom (I think) who is the editor of Spa Magazine (I think) and shares the Cake Boss’ gift of the second sight (that one I know for sure). I can neither confirm nor deny the appearance of a certain deceased hip hop legend, but I can tell you that you will give this episode a Thumbs Yes!

Sometimes we do the best learning when we’re on our way to class. This was Bob’s experience with his most recent healing venture: Art Therapy. Feel free to send in your own therapeutic self-portraits to AffirmationNation@earwolf.com.

Why thank you, kind listeners, for joining us this week for The Apple Sisters. We are here to talk to you about etiquette in the most genteel and polite way we know how. Our guest is the delightful Miss Manners who teaches us all a thing or two about behaving with class and dignity. Our wonderful listeners sent us in some insightful questions, and we answer them like the gracious ladies we are. We even include a message to the men our there on how we like to be treated. Thank you once again for tuning in. You can all expect a handwritten note of appreciation for listening.

Writer and Producer, his most recent credit is creating and producing LOST, but he’s also worked on the Star Trek reboot (and the upcoming sequel), Cowboys Aliens, and so much more.

She’s a hilarious comedy writer and performer and even though Elizabeth was really concerned, thank heavens almighty, she’s VERY PRETTY! ERIN WHITEHEAD came on and she and Elizabeth bonded over their inappropriate jokes about dead parents and their lack of ability to imagine being a prostitute! Enjoy.

Eardrop is the 100-calorie pack of Earwolf. It’s just as deliciously hilarious as our other shows, but in a convenient travel size!

Bad news guys! We taped a great episode of Sklarbro Country with Steven Seagal as a guest but, well…Shaq recorded over it with his sex tape. Fortunately Tig Notaro (of The Sarah Silverman Program) and Kyle Dunnigan (Craig on Reno 911) of Professor Blastoff stepped in and made a ten times better episode with stories of their past pilots and impressive Johnny Carson impressions. As if that isn’t enough, our good friend Bruce Jenner stops back by to catch us up on the success of his Jenn-ocide seminar and tell us about his new breakfast cereal (available exclusively at Costco). Hitch up those pants and get to listening! Oh, and thanks to Joel Watson of Hijinks Ensue for his awesome Ziggy Sklardust portrait (check it out in the episode pictures).

After the wild success of his last guided meditation, Bob is back with yet another relaxation exercise. Breath deeply and enjoy.

Beverly recounts a recent trip to Planned Parenthood, and the ladies talk to Weeds star Justin Kirk about promiscuity, whether or not all vampires are r****ts, and why he won’t hire a midget.

Eardrop is a daily uncensored morsel of comedy for our Earwolves to enjoy for five minutes or so a day.

It took us long enough, but we finally have Earwolf hosts on The Wolf Den! Those hosts are Randy and Jason Sklar of Sklarbro Country, our sports-themed comedy show that comes out every Friday. You might underestimate their awareness of download numbers and Twitter follower count, but as you’ll learn, these guys put a lot of time and effort into their show (sometimes to the detriment of their personal lives). Learn why they love doing Sklarbro Country, even when it affects their travel plans, job offers, and patience. You’ll also learn how Chris Cox (Tiger Woods, Jerry Jones, Sam Elliott, etc) got involved and why we all love him so much. Leave your shouts of “HENDERSON!” in the forum thread for this episode!

Before you leave your house this morning, ready to conquer the world and achieve all your goals and dreams, listen to the story of Bob’s mustache surgery and the unexpected passion it awarded him.

Our good friend James Adomian is moving to New York City without us! So as he shuffles off to Broadway, we will bid him farewell with a true Hollywood-style Glitter in the Garbage sendoff. The show is star-studded with famous faces like Neil Patrick Harris, Kyle Dunnigan, Rachel Maddow, Kevin Berntson, and fashion designer Bijan. Drew pulls out all the stops for James, even when it means confronting his weird neighbor or watching Priscilla Queen of the Dessert. We’ll miss you James! Call us so we know you got there safe, okay?

It’s summahtime and the livin’ is easy! That’s because we’ve got Oscar nominee Aimee Mann in studio and not even terrible L.A. traffic can stop this show from happening! Aimee dishes on music based reality T.V. and pervy bus drivers with the Billboard Digital Album chart, and with the movie chart we explore the songwriting possibilities of Four Loko plus penguins. In honor of our penguin friends at the box office, Hermes the Chart Goose drops by to get Aimee talking about her visit with the Obama family and her love of boxing. Hear Howard’s summah gum choice and get an explanation of Green Lantern from Kulap this week on Who Charted?!

Inspired by a trip to the local book store, Bob would like to share with you all some profundity he encountered where he least expected it: In literature!

What is better than one Crank film? TWO CRANK FILMS! Our movie for the week is Crank 2: High Voltage which is so adrenaline-fueled and insane that we have to ask: How could they possibly continue this franchise? Send us your ideas for Crank 3 here and on Facebook and we’ll read our favorites on air!

Bob brings out his inner Freud this week to talk about our inner child and his or her inner ill-equipped relative stuck taking care of him or her.

How did the human race come about? It’s a hilarious riddle, we know, but it is also the topic of much debate. Whether you call it evolution, survival of the fittest, or natural selection we are here to talk about it with Dr. Martin Cohen from California State University Northridge. Hear the gang wax poetic over the important scientific conundrums of ugly people’s existence and the embarrassing nature of pooping. And just for good measure, we threw an Emo Philips joke in to keep the comedy alive.

Eardrop is a daily uncensored morsel of comedy for our Earwolves to enjoy for five minutes or so a day.

This is a show for lovers of Hollywood, pizza, marijuana, and plane breaks. Our guest this week is Andy Samberg from The Lonely Island and Saturday Night Live who gives us the inside scoop on creating a record and working with talents like Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga. There is an unfortunate appearance by Scott’s weed guy Bro, but we make up for it with a great game of Would You Rather and the first Comedy Bang Bang semi-prank call. And yes, there are plane breaks.

Are you ready to NOT listen to another episode of The Apple Sisters? Just kidding; It’s opposite day! On this week’s episode you WON’T hear the girls talk about their journey from New York to Los Angeles, and they DO NOT answer any questions from the Mail Room. If you wanted to hear a word from our sponsors you are out of luck! Please don’t subscribe on iTunes, comment on the Earwolf forums, or tell your friends. OPPOSITE DAY!

Would you like to be as empowered and self-aware as Bob Ducca? Here is just a brief list of some of the self-help books that have brought happiness into the life of our favorite ex-step father.

Actor, best known (currently) for portraying the role of Oscar Martinez on NBC’s “The Office” chats with Kevin Pollak!

She is a person (with a critics’ choice award nomination for her role in Cougar Town!) in the public crowd who needs gates and he is a person with a voice so glorious it deserves it’s own blazer podcast. BUSY PHILIPPS and MARC EVAN JACKSON, cast members of TLP’s new favorite live show, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, came over and kept Elizabeth and Psychic Andy laughing for the entire hour. Psychopaths, marriage, and DVR lists are discussed! Enjoy.

Eardrop is the 100-calorie pack of Earwolf. It’s just as deliciously hilarious as our other shows, but in a convenient travel size!

Eardrop is a daily uncensored morsel of comedy for our Earwolves to enjoy for five minutes or so a day.

Like the streets of Vancouver after the Stanley Cup finals, Sklarbro Country is here to riot! And who better to lead us in revelry than Jordan Rubin and Jerry Jones? Jordan talks about writing the opening film for this year’s Oscars, a skill he honed on shows like Crank Yankers and exhibits daily in his hilarious tweets. He and the Sklars recount favorite jokes and parties before a killer round of quick hits featuring everyone’s favorite athlete: The Octomom! Jerry Jones represents for Dallas after their impressive showing at the NBA Finals and gives us a first look at his plans for Dallas athletics domination. Check your meat for inhalers and save the blunts for home, because it’s time for Sklarbro Country!

Do you ever feel like everyone is staring at you? This is a feeling Bob is well acquainted with, and he’s here to help you overcome your insecurities and get right back on that bus!